Esther,
to answer directly - yes, if it's a tantrum, I let him cry for as long as he wants even if it's > 10 mins or 30mins or whatever. It's a tantrum, I do not gratify tantrums.
Specifically, Jesse loves playing in his tub after his bath too. Or if I give him a shower in the morning, he'll do the shower (isn't keen on that) but will ask for "the bowl". I used to give him the shower to play with but it's a waste of water.
With a bowl, I can limit the amount of water wasted and I tell him when it's empty he won't have anymore to play with. So it's up to him what he does (it's not a big bowl). He'll always beg for "one more" but even now he has gotten over it because I don't give it to him.
He was getting harder and harder to get out of the tub. It's quite a big boy and I started having problems just getting carrying him off. So finally (in the last week or so) I started to train him to get out of the tub and walk to the mat for me to dry him.
On the first day, after a reasonable amount of time playing in the tub, I told him to get out of the tub and stand on the (floor)mat (please). He didn't do it, I walked to him, picked him up and put him on the mat and he walked back. Then I asked again and the whole process repeated. The whole time, I kept my voice soft but firm (don't get angry). After a few times, he walked to the mat.
The second day, the same thing. Told him that he has some time to play but he'll need to dry when I get back. Asked him to stand on the mat please, he didn't. I picked him up and put him on mat and repeat. After two times he responded to what I said.
It's still an ongoing process of training but it's getting better. Now, either I or my Hb just says it one time and he responds.
The idea is to "reprogram" how we engage with him. If he only does something when I'm angry then he'll wait till I'm angry before he'll do something. Anyway, we have a lot of things/situations to train and it's not easy but I'm sure it's worth it in the long run.
In your case, you said you managed to calm him down after talking to him nicely. Once you get there, don't take three steps back by giving in! Tell him he "can play again tomorrow" and move on to drying him and the rest of it. Seize the opportunity to move on. If you take three steps back, you'll confuse him. Either he'll think he shouldn't take your words seriously or he'll think if he whines enough, you'll give in so he'll just have to keep whining (because it works).
I understand that your situation is different from mine, being that I'm Jesse's primary caregiver and I've worked at discipline since he was born (he has always had to wait for me (for milk, for me to wash up, etc because I'm alone).
Your child first has to deal with the change in environment because your maid has left. They take time to adapt to change especially over someone they've depended on. He's confused and anxious and probably feeling insecure. (Giving in to him, I suspect, won't help because he needs to know you're in charge or at least you know what you're doing...) I give Jesse leeway for somethings but I also tell him some things are not negotiable.
Secondly, I don't know if your maid "disciplines" him. I don't expect she would have as it's not part of her job. But there'll be methods that she uses to "control" him be it through utter spoiling or otherwise. If you don't want to use those methods than you'll face the challange of first "un-training" him and then "re-training" him. Discipline is a life-long lesson so...it's not like we're any better off lah (Jesse is no angel).
Hang in there and give yourselves time. Discuss with your hb how you want to handle your child in each situation and follow through with it. If it's just a tantrum, he'll get over it eventually. And I still believe no child has ever died from crying.
s/w,
Haha...cute.
I still haven't given Jesse any sweets but biscuits or xiao man tou would be a good substitute for him! Honestly though, I don't think he's ready for it. He displays self-control in many other situations but to toy with his tummy now will just be mean of me. Wait till I feel cheeky.
