Michele...
you have good self-control lah. ppl like me shoot off the hip!
I agree, "have to work or want to work"? (story time)
My mom was faced with this situation when we were young. When I was born, my mom could work because my grandmother (and grandfather volunteered to stay with them and look after us. But when I was four, it was time for my g.ma to go look after other g.children and she left.
Here's the thing...my mom didn't want to quit her job because she prefer to work: 1) got money, 2) got social life/lunch hour/other benefits and 3) she knew staying at home to look after us was hard work. (My dad earned enough for the family. In fact, even when my mom worked, my dad took care of ALL family expenses. My mom kept everything she earned.)
At first she did part time, packed us off to school/schoolbus and went to work, pick us up from school, bring work home (she had the luxury to use the company car lah). But finally she quit (when he boss said, "no more half day, must work full day"). I was 10. It was still a huge struggle for her to give up her job but she had to because maids were expensive and hard to come by. And we were older by then.
Looking back, she tells me (when I'm down), "you're doing a good job. I know it's hard, that's why I chose not to do it...All my grandchildren are very lucky to have mothers who willingly stay home and do so much for them."
Some times my father chimes in, "I also want to be your son leh..."
I guess what I'm saying is - I believe that it's invaluable and irrelaceable for a parent (mom or dad) to take care of the child full time (grandparents just aren't parents). Unless a double income is needed to provide for the bare necessities of living (not inclusive of spa treats, holidays, Gucci bags, excessive classes/tuition?? etc) then the family has a choice.
The family will weigh their own priorities and make a decision on how their family will be and bear the consequences (child abuse by maid) or reap the rewards accordingly (more holidays/material things or more time with child(ren)).
While I feel sorry for the children when they turn out badly or are treated badly, I can't say I feel bad for the parents who have to live with their decision. Mind you, children can turn out badly or be abused when looked after by their own parents too! So I'm not saying parents who both work and leave their children to maids/nannies are negligent. The question is, "what can I live with?" and "What do I think is more possible?"
End of the day, my mom was a FTWM and then a PTWM during my formative years. Perhaps I could've been better but I can't say I'm bad. So...only time will tell for the children of our children's generation.
