Support group for wives with unfaithful husbands


lovehurts said:
hi...

i duno where i can talk all these to except here...what should i do if i found out that my hub is lying to me and has been cooking up excuses to go nightclubs with his friends? I asked him y he must go nightclubs and he cooked up saying its not..he's not going there but to a pub nearby. What should i do? I saw his messages to a girl from the nightclub saying want to bring her out and go for a meal and movie etc. I feel so confused and lost now. I tried talking to him but he got angry and said i do not trust him. If there is nothing, why must lie to me?

what should i do? Can i do anything to salvage him and stop him going?
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There are afew ways to do it. Get the girl's photo. Ask how much she wants and that's it. Settle it instantly.

Second way, threaten her since she is definitely illegal to be working in the night club. If she doesn't obliged , get the ica to get her. That is the best I can advise. As for your hubby, I think he will be freaking pissed off but what can we do.
 
LauraW said:
I saw that the last post was on Oct 2015... Is there a support group anywhere?

This is the third time I found my husband breaking our promises... I find that I am in a very different position. I did not even cry... I think I need help.
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You are too immune with that. So I think you can divorce now.
 
sebby said:
I'm new here. i know that this is a motherhood forum. what mother went through may be different from what husband goes through but when talking about separation or divorce we all have a similar situation.
I'm a male, 52 years old. i've been married with my wife for 25 years. we have two grown up children. my situation kinda of long.
when we had our first child, i told my wife that she will care and nurture the child and i'll do all the house works. she only needs to cook. so daily i will clean the house, wash the dishes, do the laundry, vacuum and mob the floor. i also tried my best to come home to take over the caring of the children. if i have a night meeting, i came home, cleaned the house and bathed the children then went back for work. i tried to be at home most of the time. fast forward...
every morning i woke the children and made them ready for school. i sent my children to school and pick them during my lunch time. i've been doing this since they were in primary 1 to their JC (18 years old). In addition, my wife works part-time about two days a week, even till today. i sent her to work and picked her from work.
our problems were mainly, over late for picking her from work, forget to throw the rubbish every night, left the dishes unwash. as for the dishes and rubbish, something i was too tired after work and fell asleep. these don't happened frequently. sometime, she woke me at 1am asking me to throw the rubbish or wash the dishes. even when i was doing my studies part-time and was very tired, when came home, rubbish and dishes were there waiting for me to wash. i don't want to argue, i just woke up and washed. with regards to late in picking her from work, some times i was late for 10-20mins but this also not frequently happened and she will be upset. i found it difficult to understand her, why she can't wait for 10mins without getting upset. when she was attending 6 mths course in the south and as we live in the east, i rushed home from work to send her. it took 1hr journey because of the evening traffic. i packed my dinner and ate in the car while waiting for her to finish about 3hrs. it doesn't make sense if i would drive home and pick her. so, i was ok to wait for her but she was not ok if she has to wait for me for 10mins. she expects me to be on time for her that anger me but i just kept quite because i don't want to argue with her.

we have been sleeping in separate room for 12 years.

I've been doing ironing for my work shirts and pants and the children uniforms weekly. i can't recalled when the last time she did the ironing. all these years i've been doing the family laundry over the weekends, sometime i have to washed 3 loads of laundry and fold the clothes. 3 years ago i noticed that when she needed to wash the laundry on the weekdays, she would put aside my clothes and washed the others. when i asked her why she did that, she said that my clothes colour will run. same with folding the clothes, she will folded others but put aside mine and these happened again and again, then i decided not to wash the laundry and fold the clothes all together expect do mine. about the dishes too, she started to wash during the day and will not wash my coffee cup sometime it was there for days. for the last 3 years she stopped cooking for me. she cooked for the children and will asked me to eat if there is left over. when i asked her why she doesn't cook for me, she said that 'oh i thought you are on diet'... during these years my daughter returned home on the weekends because she stayed in the hostel and also my son was in the army. when she cooked, she served my son food in his room and called me 'ooy, food is there'.
for 3 years our communication have been very limited. she doesn't cook for me at all. beginning of this year, we have zero communication. till today, i've been paying 90% of the household bills, electric and water bill, all their phones, internet, family insurances, daughter's university fees etc. what she earns from her part-time job, she keep for herself. i never ask her to contribute for the household expenses. when i asked her to increase her work hours, she would said that she is tired. my son is going to university this august. i know that i may struggle to save for the school fees, so this year i took a second job over the weekends to save for my son school fees. On top of these, I've been giving her $600 every month.

i'm very tired working for 7 days a week and weekends worked between 8-10hrs. i can't take it anymore. in the past, i don't want to think about the divorce because of my children but now i felt this marriage is not going anywhere. only last month i begun to think about divorce.

my children are 23 and 21
the flat is 100% paid by me and still have $100k to pay to HDB
her brother is a divorce lawyer and has many years of practice

i need your advice or suggestions, pls help. what will be the outcome.

Thanks in advance for your help
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Once you meet a lady and if she is willing to listen to you then maybe you will feel alive again but keep in mind, your money will be in jeopardy.
 
Sad to hear your problem.
I did everything for the family.
Work full time and after work prepare dinner.
Then washing etc. He never help me but instead cheated me. I believe in karma.
 
Don't even resort to illegal means out of desperation. U will go to jail.

Lucy Trevor, u will get you really disgusting for preying on mummies in their vulnerable state
 
Imagine if the hacker so good, he can even hack the government email and banker email, why need to come to this forum. Don't step into their trap
 
staff said:
its not easy at all. we all know that we should just kick our unfaithful husbands out and move on with our lives but really, i ask myself, do i have the courage?

my girl will grow up with the stigma of being labelled a "single parent family".

sometimes, i just wish that my hub will get killed in an accident, so that i can live in peace. i can never fully trust him and i will never fully trust him.
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Me too the same. Hope he die in an accident.
 
Kopi lim said:
Yes I also agree with what poco said.

The description doesn't sound like he is even remorseful hence don't expect him to change too. If you don't want to go through lies and cheating over and over again, then try to shorten your misery. It's hard to start the divorce because you are somewhat used to him and attached to him and there's a child. However, I would only advice on no divorce only if the person is repentent and has a chance of not repeating which also means the child can have a healthier family. However, your husband is clearcut not going to provide security for you and your child. Leaving him is actually healthier for you and your kid. Am so Glad your family helps to look after your boy and you are living with them. Not much difference to your current life if you think through carefully, in fact, few years later, your life should be better.

hi, sad to hear that your Husband is so evil and manipulative. And sad that in a marriage, we have to precaution against Someone whom we should trust. I Guess this is how complicated humans can be. When still in love, everything also kind. When fall out of love, they turn cruel. I believe your case is he continue his affair with the other girl and keep telling you lies even though the first confrontation he told you he has ended the relationship. ( reminds me of the day I confront my hubby and he say it's nothing, it's ending. ) but I wasn't smart like you, he has the chance to delete all messages and contacts cos I was emo for a few days and I actually believed his first story also. After that I keep probing and keep digging and searching then I realised the woman is just one of the prostitutes he met.

Maybe my case slightly different cos I will demand security if he wants to salvage marriage, I won't trust like how I used to. So he hasn't got much freedom now, his money is all in my account. Your hubby is lucky, you didn't even demand him to do anything and decide to trust him again, hoping that the affair has already ended. When it comes to affairs, I don't think it ends that easily, depends on how long they have been together and how attached etc. Many times, the guy must have told the girl One story and told the Wife another story. Either he is just stalling time cos he wants both women to satisfy his different needs or he is taking time to try to figure out which woman should he choose. Good for you that you are composed enough to not confront him second time and start collecting evidence. File for divorce under adultery with proof within 6 months and you will have upper hand in the divorce, most likely child custody will belong to you. Then ask for more alimony and more child support and if he owes you anything, tell your lawyer to state out and decide how much to collect from him by instalment. You can also ask for the house to be transferred to you and you pay him back the cpf (I have a fren who need not pay full amount to her ex cpf because she told the judge that her ex owe her lots of money). Jiayou! Remember must file within 6 months from the day you discover the adultery or else cannot file under adultery anymore! Jiayou and keep us update
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Can u explain what u mean by "from the day u discover adultery"? What r the evidences like? What r counted as evidences?
 
Found a lot things in his bag. Photo in walket and then tel no in handphone. Then the bitch put both they together in a hotel room as their phone icon.
 
I think it is a need in the society for this sort of matter so i am looking for people to co partner in doing up a forum of such nature.

2 agendas in this venture. One is to help others and at the same time can generate income by allowing PI, Lawyers and property agent to advertise in the forum.

If interested, pm me.
 
godaddygo said:
I think it is a need in the society for this sort of matter so i am looking for people to co partner in doing up a forum of such nature.

2 agendas in this venture. One is to help others and at the same time can generate income by allowing PI, Lawyers and property agent to advertise in the forum.

If interested, pm me.
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I agree with you.

But on the advertisement part its not so good. There are many PI agencies paying a lot for advertisement, but they are company which are cheating ppl outside, u do a search on goggle and type the pi agencies, these culprits will appear on top of the search and the most notorious, Kokusai, catch heating spouses and dp quest to name a few.
And there are also lawyers who promises u the stars but after engaging them, every thing give in.
So sometimes, its better for ppl who have use the services recommend it than enggaed from advertisement.
 
QIANX2 said:
I agree with you.

But on the advertisement part its not so good. There are many PI agencies paying a lot for advertisement, but they are company which are cheating ppl outside, u do a search on goggle and type the pi agencies, these culprits will appear on top of the search and the most notorious, Kokusai, catch heating spouses and dp quest to name a few.
And there are also lawyers who promises u the stars but after engaging them, every thing give in.
So sometimes, its better for ppl who have use the services recommend it than enggaed from advertisement.
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Precisely so what I can do is to advertise property agents whom I know are doing a good job.
insurance agent that I know are doing a great job too. They may not pay for advert but at least I know they are helping the ladies out there.

However, since many ladies here seem to have their hubby involved with foreign ladies who are working here. I believe I can be more than of help to them by offering my knowledge.

Who want to come together with a forum? Got money to earn one but most important gain some good karma =)

Where are the rich taitais? sahm who wants to earn money? those who have experienced such heartbreaking experiences and have no avenue to turn to? Every dollar counts and if you have skills that can make it work. Pm me
 
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godaddygo said:
Precisely so what I can do is to advertise property agents whom I know are doing a good job.
insurance agent that I know are doing a great job too.

However, since many ladies here seem to have their hubby involved with foreign ladies who are working here. I believe I can be more than of help to them by offering my knowledge.

Who want to come together with a forum? Got money to earn one but most important gain some good karma =)
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You mean good Property Agent to help betrayed Wife look for housing and good Lawyers to fight for maintenance and house? And good PI to find proof, Hence good karma?
 
Kopi lim said:
You mean good Property Agent to help betrayed Wife look for housing and good Lawyers to fight for maintenance and house? And good PI to find proof, Hence good karma?
Click to expand...

No. I am referring to anyone who want to help out in giving the ladies who have no way out a helping hand. Doing something good is always good karma. Correct me if I am wrong. Seriously, I believe there are many more ladies who may not be married but facing a lot of issues on that.
 
Hi,I am struggling with an suspected unfaithful husband.

I do not know whether to confront him over his alleged affair with his JC female classsmate.
 
I was quite stunned today...

I brought my girls out to breakfast without my hubby this morning.When we were eating,my older girl told me that when I was in Malaysia visiting my sis in jail a few days ago,their dad suddenly came home from work shortly after I went out.

My husband told them he was not feeling well,gave them 3 zoo passes and asked them to share one of the passes with their slightly older friend(my neighbour's daughter)who is in Sec 2.They were told to enjoy themselves at the zoo for the day.

The girls went out with my neighbour's daughter to the zoo and came back earlier than usual.

When the girls reached home,they saw a pair of unfamiliar woman's shoes at the doorstep,the gate was not locked to their surprise.

They turned the lock of the front door quietly and crept in because they thought there was a burglar in the house.

The girls went to the master bedroom and opened the door slightly and saw my husband and the woman on the bed.Both girls recognised the woman who was on my bed.My older girl dropped her keys because of what she saw.Her dad jumped up and ordered them to get into their room and close the door.They were not to come out without his instructions.

After a short while,the girls were given instructions to come out and their dad said aunty was not feeling well and needed to rest.They were told to keep what they saw to themselves.

When I heard that,I was heartbroken.Worse still,my husband behaved as if nothing had happened and asked me to be intimate with him.

I know the woman,she is my husband's JC classmate.
 
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What kind of man will subject a faithful wife to such misery?

This is something I cannot understand.

That woman is also trying to be nice to my girls along the way as well.
 
JessecaWong said:
What kind of man will subject a faithful wife to such misery?

This is something I cannot understand.

That woman is also trying to be nice to my girls along the way as well.
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Adultery for sure is present! However what lies underneath it is worth to figure out.

One of the most ridiculous act in the process was not to even lock the gate. Isn't it a necessity to double or triple lock the gate in case of anyone coming back, they could hear what is to come and to act accordingly?

Faithfulness is over-rated in today's society. Behind faithfulness lies one's oppression awaiting/ finding a reason to be released. It seems like both of them are after excitement. Have you ever deny him of any adventurous sexual escapade? Or did you notice he has been getting bolder in his behaviors over the years?

Please calm yourself down as much as possible! :)
 
Dr. Tooth said:
Adultery for sure is present! However what lies underneath it is worth to figure out.

One of the most ridiculous act in the process was not to even lock the gate. Isn't it a necessity to double or triple lock the gate in case of anyone coming back, they could hear what is to come and to act accordingly?

Faithfulness is over-rated in today's society. Behind faithfulness lies one's oppression awaiting/ finding a reason to be released. It seems like both of them are after excitement. Have you ever deny him of any adventurous sexual escapade? Or did you notice he has been getting bolder in his behaviors over the years?

Please calm yourself down as much as possible! :)
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I always gave in to his every request...Maybe he did not lock the gate because he did not expect his daughters to come back earlier.
 
As I had expected...that jerk is not going to come back tonight.He must be with that slut/vixen.

I am going to get someone to change the locks on the door and gate when I wake up tomorrow.
 
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I might consider forgiving him if he surrenders 80% of his paycheck to me every month and I call the shots in the house if he breaks off with the other woman.
 
margret said:
Then better to settle with him. If he go us, u wont know when tat women willl go visit him.
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You mean settle with him the divorce?

He made it clear that he will not be divorcing me because he does not want his daughters to suffer in a single parent home.
 
I confronted him 2 hours ago when he came back to pack his stuff.Had a heated argument in front of the girls just before they had dinner and he left with the woman after making some flimsy excuses.
 
sic said:
Yes. Our support group (I don't have a name yet) helps the women with the many thoughts that come up, the anger, the "what-to-do-now", the feelings, the "how do other women in my situation cope", the thoughts of failure, etc etc. This is a group to catch the women when it first happens, when they really do not know where to turn to. The first time it happens it comes really out of the blue and completely unexpected. Most women would be in a shock. This is when they need the most support. (For me it has been almost a year since I found out.)
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Hello , im married for 5 years , and all along , every now and than he will flirt with different girls. My last straw was last year when i found out of the affair he had with a girl for about a year and he claims to her that he loved her and compare that im not as good as her. some of his other girls that he used to have a thing with and i found out , he is still contacting them on a regular basics . All girls knows that he's married tho . local , thai are some of the flings he had and some is still on going .

I can't forget and he never once admitted to it , only said i think too much and is sensitive about it . Earlier this year i find anxiety whenever i sense something wrong going and is normally quite accurate.

What makes me felt that he commit adultery is the craziness lack of intimacy . He's someone that will find excuse and reason for everything even his affair . I felt mentally drained . He is possessive if other guys text me ( which rarely occur ) and thinks they carry a torched for me . But emotionally neglect me .

He doesnt have things to talk to me about but is always stuck in his iphone , Full phone full of sexy girls photo that he claim its auto downloaded .
 
soulmate said:
Hello , im married for 5 years , and all along , every now and than he will flirt with different girls. My last straw was last year when i found out of the affair he had with a girl for about a year and he claims to her that he loved her and compare that im not as good as her. some of his other girls that he used to have a thing with and i found out , he is still contacting them on a regular basics . All girls knows that he's married tho . local , thai are some of the flings he had and some is still on going .

I can't forget and he never once admitted to it , only said i think too much and is sensitive about it . Earlier this year i find anxiety whenever i sense something wrong going and is normally quite accurate.

What makes me felt that he commit adultery is the craziness lack of intimacy . He's someone that will find excuse and reason for everything even his affair . I felt mentally drained . He is possessive if other guys text me ( which rarely occur ) and thinks they carry a torched for me . But emotionally neglect me .

He doesnt have things to talk to me about but is always stuck in his iphone , Full phone full of sexy girls photo that he claim its auto downloaded .
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Excuses and more excuses from these men.
 
I’m new in this forum but have been reading few posts on unfaithful spouse.. is the support group still available? I feeling so depressed and I dunno where to vent my frustration
 

Minty66 said:
I’m new in this forum but have been reading few posts on unfaithful spouse.. is the support group still available? I feeling so depressed and I dunno where to vent my frustration
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Welcome..
Perhaps you will like to elaborate more? So the rest can give some advice?
I'm also have unfaithful spouse and currently ongoing divorce
 
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