Hello,
I am new here.
After reading the forum and tearing at some parts of it, I want to share a bit of my journey in this.
My husband and I have been trying for a baby since we got married. After one year of trying, we decided to seek medical assistance. My husband is healthy and my womb is healthy.
The doctor suggested that I try the ovulation pills first.
I had three rounds of letrozole and three rounds of clomid. Both pills has gave me side effect every time I have consumed it. Eg. feeling bloated, dizzy and heaty and lethargic. There was one time that I had high fever due to it. It was quite traumatic, especially every time I went back for the blood test, they confirmed the pills worked but at the end of the day, I am still not pregnant.
I felt so lost, negative and lonely. It doesn’t help with the pressure from in law and my own mother (both doesn’t know that I went for medical help) and my friend who got married later than me, who got pregnant on the same night she got married and lamenting on wanting to enjoy couple life first and go on travels and such but now she’s pregnant and “it has changed the course of her life”.
Every month, I felt obsessed and slightly crazy. So many others on the news who gave up on their child, abuse their child, sold their child and kill their child has the rights to be pregnant and a chance to give birth to a child.
“But not me...”
These thoughts“what the F”s and “why”s that ran through every time I failed.
My emotions was all over and it’s funny how I have to even try hard to be happy and positive.
Regardless, I was determined to have at least one child (I wanted 5 when I was younger. The ironic in life. Lol).
I went on to try IUI but also without success.
The following on our second round of IUI, the second scan, I had 10 right size follicles. The doctor raise his concerns and gave me two choice: to go for IVF or drop this cycle as there is a chance of multi births.
“Drop the cycle and wait for months to get an appointment and we don’t even know if it will be successful, seriously?”, went through my mind.
So I dive right into IVF with all the signing of disclaimers, the taking of daily timely jabs and the waiting while feeling perplexed.
Result: Extracted 19 eggs, only 10 fertilised, 5 made it to blastocyst but 4 needed more observation. So I had that mighty one blastocyst for ET (feeling hopeful at that time).
After days and nights of crinone, morning folic acid, restricted diet and exercise; three days before the blood test, I started bleeding. Initially, it was just spotting. Then the night came and it was a full on.
*Explict warning*
I finished peeing and wanted to clean up. I then felt a blob coming out on to the tissue I was using and I stared at it. just casually drop it into the toilet bowl, clean myself up, flushed everything, walked to the sofa and stared into the air.
*End of explict*
“I give up.”
The following day, the embryologist called and informed me that the other 4 did not make it and hence there was no embryo to be freezed.
I know it just wasn’t meant to be. It is just not the time for me.
At present, here I am waiting for my second IVF in probably Jan 2021 and trying for TCM that a friend recommended (Feng Jia Yang @ People’s Park Complex). I just started TCM one week ago so I can’t give any concrete reviews yet but the place seems pretty popular (the crowd).
Conclusion currently: There are always ups and downs in life. Even if it doesn’t happen now, we just have to continue to love ourselves, appreciate our life and continue to try our best. Truth to be told, I felt happier and relieved that my first IVF is over. With the new knowledge I have, I think I will feel better (less tension) on my second IVF and hope for the best.
And one day if I ever have my first child, I would be more financially ready and even more appreciative of everything.
Thank you for hearing me out.