Dear all,
It's my first post and I am seeking help. I am a 46 year old chap, married 18 years. I am in a passionless marriage and I am wondering if I there is anything to fix, and if so and it cannot be fixed, should I leave it?
We have no children, both of us were not active in wanting children when we were younger and before we know it we are in our 40s. The sex stopped about 5 years into the marriage, and neither of us rekindled it. We are good companions, and we have no arguments, or quarrels. Money is ok, we make enough and our wants are not demanding. We travel together sometimes, we have mutual friends and we do spend time together watching movies, exercising etc. We have our own hobbies, she is a computer surfer, drama series watcher. We care for each other, so for e.g. I will cook for her when she need a meal, cover her with her blanket etc. We make joint decisions in purchasing stuff for the home and for money matters I left it to her.
I recently reassessed where we are in the marriage, and I realised that we are more housemates than husband/wife? On the internet articles this seems to ring alarm bells. My friends (guys) say that this is "normal"; even citing thir own marriages, but some part of me cannot accept that this is normal. Common perhaps, but surely not normal.
I have experienced passion with my other relationships to know what it was. I was told by friends that passion will eventually fade in any relationship, all the more so in a long one like mine. So do I simply accept it? I find the fact that I am questioning, disturbing.
One aspect of it is that I realised that children are the glue of a marriage or the plaster that cover the cracks in a marriage. That aspect is not present in my marriage and hence perhaps the cracks then become more obvious to me. I am now at a crossroad, and would like the ladies' perspectives.
One part of me wants to leave, another thinks of the investment in time made so far, and of course the potential hurt that any decision to leave will entail. I am really in a bit of dilemma, and would appreciate some perspectives. At present I am having some insomnia over this, although thankfully work is not affected.
I would like to gather and crystalise my thoughts before discussing it with her, which I see as inevitably should I think change is necessary.
Thank you.
It's my first post and I am seeking help. I am a 46 year old chap, married 18 years. I am in a passionless marriage and I am wondering if I there is anything to fix, and if so and it cannot be fixed, should I leave it?
We have no children, both of us were not active in wanting children when we were younger and before we know it we are in our 40s. The sex stopped about 5 years into the marriage, and neither of us rekindled it. We are good companions, and we have no arguments, or quarrels. Money is ok, we make enough and our wants are not demanding. We travel together sometimes, we have mutual friends and we do spend time together watching movies, exercising etc. We have our own hobbies, she is a computer surfer, drama series watcher. We care for each other, so for e.g. I will cook for her when she need a meal, cover her with her blanket etc. We make joint decisions in purchasing stuff for the home and for money matters I left it to her.
I recently reassessed where we are in the marriage, and I realised that we are more housemates than husband/wife? On the internet articles this seems to ring alarm bells. My friends (guys) say that this is "normal"; even citing thir own marriages, but some part of me cannot accept that this is normal. Common perhaps, but surely not normal.
I have experienced passion with my other relationships to know what it was. I was told by friends that passion will eventually fade in any relationship, all the more so in a long one like mine. So do I simply accept it? I find the fact that I am questioning, disturbing.
One aspect of it is that I realised that children are the glue of a marriage or the plaster that cover the cracks in a marriage. That aspect is not present in my marriage and hence perhaps the cracks then become more obvious to me. I am now at a crossroad, and would like the ladies' perspectives.
One part of me wants to leave, another thinks of the investment in time made so far, and of course the potential hurt that any decision to leave will entail. I am really in a bit of dilemma, and would appreciate some perspectives. At present I am having some insomnia over this, although thankfully work is not affected.
I would like to gather and crystalise my thoughts before discussing it with her, which I see as inevitably should I think change is necessary.
Thank you.