kim_turtle
Member
Hi, ur got face any problem when stay with mil? Can share??
September, my gal coming to 1 yr old. Nope. Now stay at home take care of my daughter. Planning take care her myself until she 18 months then put her to playgroup. Then I will look for part time job.kim, then how old is ur bb gal nw? and r u bk to work?
Yeah, lilgems. I totally agree. Really no privacy at all.I'm also staying with my mil. Staying together under 1 roof can be trying sometimes. No privacy at times. There were a few occasions she just barges into my room. Sometimes when I am expressing BM she'll hover around. :/
Yeah, lilgems. I totally agree. Really no privacy at all.
For my situation is, my fil always stand outside my room windows there & peep. Really cannot stand both of them.
Same here.. Also FIL problem.He really very rude..... so now I dont talk with him at all. And I always close my windows and curtain. Maybe outside ppl will say I never respect him, but I don't care. Cos he force me to do it.
He very unhygienic also. Once he touch my daughter, I sure will bring my daughter go wash hand. Then will try to siam him.
Husband also got his difficulty talk with them. He know once he talk with them, they sure will not happy and quarrel.hais it's really not easy to get along with parent in laws
really have to depend on hubby's stand on the matter
yes that's why i try to be understanding to my hubby too.Husband also got his difficulty talk with them. He know once he talk with them, they sure will not happy and quarrel.
Yes this I agree.yes that's why i try to be understanding to my hubby too.
just that sometimes they may go overboard really damn fed up.
most impt hubby have to be able to tell who's right la
Yes this I agree.
I damn angry with my fil this 2 days. Keep stand my windows there peep. ... feel like tell him off already! !!!
My fil very small gas de. Cannot let ppl say de. If I confront him, he sure make noise and complain with his 2nd son. That day he stand outside peep again. I tell his sister, he always stand there and peep..... his sister say he want to see my daughter. Then I ask her bk, what is privacy? ?自己人始终是帮自己人的!!I dun think this is an appropriate act frm an elder... I mean respect gotta be earned, how they expect u as a dil to respect them when he does all this funny funny (and also somewhat eerie) act of standing outside window n peep?!
have u tried asking his purpose for doing that? if its me, I wld definite confront him, as I wld feel ''watched'' and violated (privacy)
dear all, I also have probs staying with mil,
1) she will wake up at 3 or 4am, and decide to do hsework (not too sure if it is really necessary to clean kitchen stoves or wash laundry or mop floor at that hour?!),
but well if that's her choice, there's nothing I can do, but she will make noise to wake me up (she knows i'm a light sleeper , have insomnia and i'm on long term medication, and so sleep is very impt to me), eg throw pai - so inconsiderate, if she cant sleep, why wake others or neighbours?
Guess I'm not alone. My FIL/MIL does housework at 4am-6am too...
He mops the floor at this hour, and with all the washings, buckets and mop cleaning, mopping the floor right outside my room door and banging the mop against the door, I know he didn't bang it on purpose but this has been happening for years.
I usually do not speak to my FIL or MIL unless there is a need. Like what some others said, some ppl might think I'm rude but I seriously don't care how I others look at me. Some ppl comment: "oh you are so lucky, you dont have to do housework!" I simply hate it when they comment this, because these people would never know how difficult life can be for some. I would rather do my own housework than to live with my in-laws. I wash my own clothes and clean my own room anyway. They are not allowed to enter my room, (this was agreed after a few huge fights between my hubby and me). I don't even eat at home to avoid seeing them too much. I eat out everyday.
Most people are lucky, they can choose to move out, but in my situation I can't. They are staying with me, not the other way round. They have been staying with me since the day I bought this flat with their son. They didn't have a flat of their own. Their previously flat was jointly owned with my husband which was also newly bought when I met my husband. My husband then sold the flat in order to buy a new flat with me because I told him I will never want to stay in "other people house".
I guess I was really naive when I was younger, I thought staying together will not hurt but I was wrong. Living with old people is hard, especially when they are not your parents, every habit or things they do, are just "weird" in my eyes. I'm not picking on them, I even spoke to my mom and my sisters and my 2 of sister-in-laws. Even their own daughter find their behavior weird.
I don't pick on them or even let them know when I'm unhappy about something,but I let my husband know how upset I am. I always tell him please appreciate that I allow your parents to stay with us, not many DIL will agreed. I guess he knew what I mean and also my pain sometimes, so the only consolation I have now is my husband doesn't side his parents if he agreed they are unreasonable at times and my sister-in-laws sometimes tries to talk some sense to their parents.
I have so many issues that I had kept to myself, there was a point I cried to sleep each night thinking how miserable my life is at home. Asking myself why am I going tru this crap. But I have somehow get over that period. I'm always in my room. I just feel like a tenant in my own house.
I did not intend to have kids when I got married. But after 7 years in my marriage, I am thinking about having kids. But with this situation at home, how can I. It's not an excuse, but I have seen how they handle their grandchildren, and with the same situation happening to my kids (if I have) my blood will probably be boiling everyday if my PILs are staying in the same house.
They not staying with her ma.... of cos can say that easily.for my case, it is my mil's hse together with hubby's name (before I met my hubby, their old flat was under en-bloc, and his name was already with his mum's new flat). Before we got married, we thought of withdrawing hubby's name and to get our own flat - meaning my mil (widow) will have to buy resale flat (some 3 or 4 rm), but she refused, only want to buy 5 rm, new flat and only want to stay in Clementi, so bobian, we have to stay in her hse - as she needs my hubby's name then (hubby is the youngest but the rest of the siblings are all married and have their own hse).
been staying with her for past 12 yrs, she gets on my nerves on and off, but I always tell myself that "I will also grow old 1 day, just ensure that I wouldn't behave like her next time".
perhaps all these yrs, she's also putting up with me?
But since Jun last year, she started waking up at wee hours 3 or 4am to clean the kitchen etc (she wants to wake up, that's her prob, but don't disturb us or neighbours mah, be more considerate).
When I feedback to hubby's siblings abt her waking in wee hours, they chided me for not know the "art of give and take?!", and they also say all old ppl are like that, don't need to sleep too much.
(come on, I stayed for 12 yrs, and you come and say I don't know how to give and take?), whatever, mouth is theirs, they can say all they want..
anyway, today, she decided to wake up at 2am instead...
perhaps very soon, she will be a wonder woman and wouldn't need to sleep at all!
Guess I'm not alone. My FIL/MIL does housework at 4am-6am too...
He mops the floor at this hour, and with all the washings, buckets and mop cleaning, mopping the floor right outside my room door and banging the mop against the door, I know he didn't bang it on purpose but this has been happening for years.
I usually do not speak to my FIL or MIL unless there is a need. Like what some others said, some ppl might think I'm rude but I seriously don't care how I others look at me. Some ppl comment: "oh you are so lucky, you dont have to do housework!" I simply hate it when they comment this, because these people would never know how difficult life can be for some. I would rather do my own housework than to live with my in-laws. I wash my own clothes and clean my own room anyway. They are not allowed to enter my room, (this was agreed after a few huge fights between my hubby and me). I don't even eat at home to avoid seeing them too much. I eat out everyday.
Most people are lucky, they can choose to move out, but in my situation I can't. They are staying with me, not the other way round. They have been staying with me since the day I bought this flat with their son. They didn't have a flat of their own. Their previously flat was jointly owned with my husband which was also newly bought when I met my husband. My husband then sold the flat in order to buy a new flat with me because I told him I will never want to stay in "other people house".
I guess I was really naive when I was younger, I thought staying together will not hurt but I was wrong. Living with old people is hard, especially when they are not your parents, every habit or things they do, are just "weird" in my eyes. I'm not picking on them, I even spoke to my mom and my sisters and my 2 of sister-in-laws. Even their own daughter find their behavior weird.
I don't pick on them or even let them know when I'm unhappy about something,but I let my husband know how upset I am. I always tell him please appreciate that I allow your parents to stay with us, not many DIL will agreed. I guess he knew what I mean and also my pain sometimes, so the only consolation I have now is my husband doesn't side his parents if he agreed they are unreasonable at times and my sister-in-laws sometimes tries to talk some sense to their parents.
I have so many issues that I had kept to myself, there was a point I cried to sleep each night thinking how miserable my life is at home. Asking myself why am I going tru this crap. But I have somehow get over that period. I'm always in my room. I just feel like a tenant in my own house.
I did not intend to have kids when I got married. But after 7 years in my marriage, I am thinking about having kids. But with this situation at home, how can I. It's not an excuse, but I have seen how they handle their grandchildren, and with the same situation happening to my kids (if I have) my blood will probably be boiling everyday if my PILs are staying in the same house.
hi enduring, ur FIL & MIL can apply their own flat together ?
mine is only MIL left...FIL not around alrdy. so die die she must stay in my house until she expired. seeing each other everyday is killing...but no choice now I got 2 kids and daily quarrel is unavoidable esp when u hv kids ! I knw they love my kids but the way we bring up is very different from last time. I hv my own ways of teaching my kids but she don't agreed. saying im too fierce etc..and even teach my kids to tell lies to me. eg. she gv my boy (4yo) drink cold stuff directly from the fridge at 9.30PM !!! omg how can such young child drink cold stuff at this hour ? and somemore he is coughing..then she told my boy "cannot tell mummy that ah ma gv u drink this ok else next time I wont gv u drink anymore" but kids are kids, they will say everything out when u suspect something not right...sign...luckily now I found this thread to rant...
enduring, I cant agreed more with u. glad tt ur PILs had more children so they can look aft them when they are old. my PILs only had 2 sons. but only my hb is closed with them. my FIL had walk out of the family due to he cant stand my MIL anymore. no seperation deed or anything left behind, he jus suddenly walk out one day and never return, already 10yrs. MIL don't bother to look for him or wanted the sons to look for him. now he is alive or dead nobody know. even our wedding customary we are not allow to posted on FB or newspaper to ask him to attend. we don't hv any of his contact so we cant find him at all. now their elder son and DIL do not wan to hv anything related to MIL due to they find my MIL is a hassle and naggy...so she only had me & my hb to tk care of her when she is old. now my hb will gv her some money every week. yes its every week ! she also spent a lot of $ on unused stuff like Feng shui ornaments to place in our house which is not suitable with our deco but she don't care ! she spent $ on 4T, ToTo, Big sweep every week/month...end up hb got to pay for her 4D loans too...she used to work but alrdy stop working 5yrs ago as she said travelling to work everyday is tiring...she is almost 70yo now. we quarrel almost everyday at home bcos of the kids...without kids still ok cos I don't care wat she do or say. but having kids is v different...how she handle my kids or wat she feed them I don't like, I will say out...if kids napping, she likes to talk on the phone v loudly w her sister or friends. v annoying esp kids nap time is v precious for us, as we need some peace time to do our own stuff or hse work etc..but all these she bo chap
Its really not easy to stay with Inlaws
My ils have nv ever help me with my 3 kids at all before, not even once. Not even when I was sick.
I remember I was so sick that I can't bath my daughter and she ended up not bathing for 3 days.
There are so many things that they did but not worth making myself angry.
I just feel more upset than angry.
Now that my fil has passed on.. only left with my mil. All the more we must stay with her as my hub is the only son, and her sis is already married.
She has 2 sons and my mil is so enthusiastic to help her own daughter's kids but nv has she once initiate, or help me with my kids.
Its only when I have my 3rd child, my hubby got me a helper.
I guess I'm still lucky.
I think they hate me because me and my hub got married really young and they feel it's a disgrace to them.
jean, you are very accomodating towards your mil by letting her stay even though her the other son dun want her. so are you close with your BIL and his wife?
sometime i am thinking when we grow old, will we be like them too, so naggy? or old ppl are just like that. but i also have heard cases whereby DIL and MIL are able to accomodate each other and stay peacefully for years but why can't we?!
Your hub give her money each week and does he know that his mum spend on unnecessary stuff? Perhaps both mother and son can have a good talk. Nowadays living/children expenses are not cheap. So are u a full time stay home mum?
yup agree. stay together conflicts bound to arise. no way to escape. becos we handle kids differently. And they always have this mindset that they know better than us in handling children as how they brought up their own sons. so once things dun see eye to eye, quarrels are inevitable.
since both of you quarrel and clearly knows that you dun like her to meddle with your way of handling kids, then all the more she should stop meddling and stay aside. she can either go out with her frens or go cc for activities.
even her own husband choose to walk out from her, that clearly shows that your mil indeed is not an easy person to stay with or get along with. Previoulsy when u dun have kids and stay with her, is it relations better?
maggie
where is your mil the other son? son u are a full time stay home mum?
aiya after all we are just their bypass dil, they are of cos so much closer to their own daughters. my mil also loves to help to take care f her daughter's kids, stuff etc.
so your mil now staying in your house? just ignore her and take care of your kids together with helper. Most impt is hubby support u.