What's the fastest way to divorce? (Should I divorce?)

[weary]

I'm married for many years, but no child partly due to the reason that my husband isn't interested to have sex. The last time we had sex was more than 3 years ago. He has the thinking that women who take the initiation are sluts, I'm not supposed to make the the first move. Since I'm not granted a chance to have my own kids, and we're no longer young to continue waiting for my husband, I suggested to him that we adopt a child, but he says he doesn't want to have a "unrelated" child.

Last year, I've met a man who makes me feel I'm worth to be respected and loved. Knowing with my marital status, I won't accept him, he's willing to wait for me to divorce. A closed friend who is aware of what I've been going through in my marriage thinks I shouldn't hesitate to leave my selfish husband and his family who have been constantly hurting me.

I don't know if it's right to leave my husband for another man. I've discussed with my parents who aren't aware how my husband has been treating me in these years (they most probably think I'm making up stories to accuse my husband), they do not want me to divorce, and my mum keeps saying it's a disgrace for a woman to divorce and remarry. What will our relatives say behind our back?Honestly speaking I would like to give myself a second chance in life, but I'm also paranoid. What if this man is like my husband, becomes another man after we're married? I can't afford to get hurt again.

As mentioned earlier, I'm no longer young, it maybe impossible for me to conceive if I'm going to start a new family after 3 or 4 yrs. I understand in other countries, a marriage annulment can be granted on the ground of a sexless marriage, but is it possible in Singapore? What else can I do to speed up the process? Thank you.

 

[meowie323]

Refuse to have sex? Unless he has medical problems, that sounds really super unreasonable. I'm surprised you waited so many years to contemplate a divorce. Why care about what other pple eg relatives think? It's your life, not theirs. You suffer, not them. They don't like it? Their business. The longer you wait, the more you suffer.

 

[avocado]

could he has erectile dyfunctional?

 

[weary]

Hi meowie323 and avocado, all these years our parents would pursuade me to give him another chance, whenever I wanted to walk out on him. His family only knows to tell me husband and wife cannot be too calculative, but yet always tell me to give them a grandson soon. My husband is healthy, just that he has all along been treating me this way, not something new. I feel like I'm his maid more than a wife.

He seems to have ambiguous relationship with at least 2 women at his work place, I discovered one as early as two days before our customary wedding. He denied all these, I couldn't find any evidences, but I've heard them calling each other "dear" and "darling" instead of by names. He insisted they were just joking, but who will ALWAYS address someone from the opposite sex by these? Btw, he usually calls me "eh" or my full name, no "dear" or "darling".

 

[meowie323]

If I were you (so unhappy in this marriage, without children, and now given a 2nd chance), I would opt for a divorce. Just ask yourself, would you be happier being single or staying in this marriage? If it's the former, isn't the choice clear? Most ladies stay in unhappy marriages due to children. Since you have none (which might be a good thing in your case), isn't it easier for you?

We live in the modern world where divorces are so common. What's there to fear? Why think about what others think or say?

 

[ali50n]

Women who divorce and remarry is a disgrace? Oh my, sorry to said this, your parents think of their face more than ur happiness. If I was you, I will go for divorce. My cousin who is a divorcee with 2 kids, do i look down on her? Then answer is no, in fact alot of my relatives dun find it as disgrace.

 

[weary]

Hi Meowie123 and Alison,

I also think it's a blessing in disguise that I've got no children holding me back. Perhaps in the eyes of those around me is that I'm having an adultery, merely because my decision to end this marriage is more firm this time, after I've met this new man?

I really wish to end this marriage ASAP. I've wasted too much time in it, I long wanted to have my own children, but the chance will be slimmed after another 3 or 4 years. Anyone knows a shorter route to end the marriage, please share with me, thanks.

 

[mummysingle]

Guess that's life

ESP for women.. We won't move on unless someone better comes along ...

 

[JT01]

Hi Meowie123 and Alison,

I also think it's a blessing in disguise that I've got no children holding me back. Perhaps in the eyes of those around me is that I'm having an adultery, merely because my decision to end this marriage is more firm this time, after I've met this new man?

I really wish to end this marriage ASAP. I've wasted too much time in it, I long wanted to have my own children, but the chance will be slimmed after another 3 or 4 years. Anyone knows a shorter route to end the marriage, please share with me, thanks.

meowie, i would suggest you look for a lawyer to see whats ur option to a faster divr since this has been for quite long.

 

[Mongkok]

What if u choose to listen to your parent's advice. The day u get old and frail without a kid, they come back to you and say 'aiya.. back then u shld choose that man and at least now you may hv a kid...'. Suck thumb?
Go w your heart! Your fertility don't last long either. As for the divorce, even if you need to go w the flow (if its a lengthy one), go w it. You won't land in jail w adultery (in case he accuse you during the D process). At least you have got something moving. You can start family planning even w pending D case.
Once the dust settled and w the baby otw, who cares how 'bad' or 'good' you had been during the D process? All that cares are the bliss you have attained aft you get that man who paused your life out of your life!