To all mothers

[paulnelaine]

think wat u should do now is slowly get back the bond with ur wife and also try to help out with looking after ur child. I am not saying u but there are many fathers who comes back home from work will bathe, eat dinner, sit infront of the tv or play pc or ipad till sleeping time. Wont even help with baby. If u are also one of them then how to make ur wife let u bring out a 1year old child.
I seldom allow my hubby to bring out children out alone till my recent pregnancy which leave me no choice cos of constant vomitting. Reason because some thing sure to happen when he brought them out eg. my girl dropped into the drain just under my void deck!! my girl bang into the pillar when daddy is holding her hand. My hubby cannot concentrate his mind on the children's safely, always thinking of work etc.... so scarely! i witness so many times that i lost confident in him. Now i am left with no choice cos i dont have the energy to bring them for lessons but i am always worried at home thinking will anything bad happen to them. I tried to ask hubby get his sister to help him whenever possible then i will feel safer.
So it is actually an accumulation of stuffs that makes us lost confident!
imaginr since day one till now you seldom help to look after the baby and now u want to bring her out!! I wont dare to let u bring too.....
sorry to say that.

 

[johnnywalker]

When I got home, will bath and attend my daughter. Unless the she wanted my wife to suck milk. Else most of the time in the evening, I am with her till 8:45pm I hand over to my wife and she will make her to bed. Why not me because only she breastfed her to sleep. I will have my own time from then onwards. On and off I will go in the room to check if my wife need anything. Else I am on TV or ipad or do my own stuff. Does it consider a bad husband?

 

[leanne]

Partly also different upbringing on each side. To be frank ( no offence ) , i wont like toys to be thrown to my kid unless its meant to be played that way. From the way my MIL look after my nephew i can forsee me and MIL will have conflicts in the way we look after the child. And yes to a certain extend the immediate family shd hv the final say in how the kid is taken care of ... but no need to strain the relationship between MIL and wife.
I think your wife might be just over protective of the child also ... perhaps u can bring ur kid to ur parents side on Sat since ur MIL go home on weekend n ur wife wan rest on Sun?
I also the lazy kind so any visiting i will do on Sat and leave my Sun alone de hehehe.. hope ur wife will be ok with that ...
Cheer up

 

[leanne]

When I got home, will bath and attend my daughter. Unless the she wanted my wife to suck milk. Else most of the time in the evening, I am with her till 8:45pm I hand over to my wife and she will make her to bed. Why not me because only she breastfed her to sleep. I will have my own time from then onwards. On and off I will go in the room to check if my wife need anything. Else I am on TV or ipad or do my own stuff. Does it consider a bad husband?

No lah u very good liao.. i seen worse hubby who dun even play w the kid like my BIL... reach home hide in room and leave the kid with my MIL... really Zzz one.

 

[leanne]

I did tell her about the after all " kid is the 内孙 while her parent is the 外". But she comment that she also contribute to the family, not like the olden days where Man out for work while woman stays at home. She earns more than me so eventually she will contribute more. So I am checked mate again.
I want to find out from every moms here, despite there is a conflict between you and your MIL. how you handle? Depend on husband to defense you from MIL? or use your own way? She has been emphasizing her friend and colleague husband will help to say the mother.

I am that kind who will keep quiet despite any grievance and grumble only to my hubby. I will feel that my hubby will side my MIL but that dun mean he dun care about me. Its just that that is her mother. So as long he pacify me.. i dun really care he side who lah...

 

[johnnywalker]

You can forgive and forget. Which is what a family shall be like. Not for my wife. She forgive but never forget... At this stage I am still confuse what else can i do to help.

 

[gohalison]

bb felice is right. some ppl who suffered frm depression do behave normally most of the time. At least that was "how I behaved before I was diagnosed"
[I suffered from depression (still on mediciation after 5 yrs) due to prolonged/recurring abdominal pain.]
On most days, i'm ok..

Btw, not all depression patients are those suicidal/crying types, there are some who have accumulated a lot of bad feelings/anger = short tempered/hot tempered.
I've also heard of a case whereby the child is already 16yrs old, but mummy still suffers from post-natal depression (I think the mummy refuses treatment/counselling.

I believe there might be some other misunderstandings that actually worsen the bad feelings towards your parents?
Since she is always agitated/upset/sensitive when you try to raise this issue with her, how abt you try talking to your mil (her mum) and see if she knows anything?
You can also try telling your mil how you feel, and perhaps she can try to talk to her daughter, and see what exactly is she "upset" with/abt?

 

[Sophia Tay]

agree with gohalison that you need to find out the root of the misunderstanding..

and my aunt is also 1 of the real life example of post-natl depression that is not willing to seek professional help, she insist she is normal is us who is "crazy" not her..
but the kind of attitude she has and mentality we know something is wrong somewhere..she can turn cranky within minutes and you never know why..and because of this my 2 poor cousin had been living in stress too..

so i strongly agree with gohalison that u need to find out why and if really there is a need go for professional advise..

 

[rykgirl]

I dont mean to take sides but I feel you should talk to your wife and try to understand and be on her side when she's willing to tell you.. There may be a possibility of something very negative and very deep going on between her and your parents.. Maybe something happened to trigger this conflict and slowly built up the grudge..

I'm not saying there is but it's just a possibility.. For my case, my MIL and I had a very bad grudge.. HB and I talked it out for a loooong time and he was very understanding and was on my side.. But he also explained in detail to me why he wants his parents to see our kids.. My own family has never had close ties before.. The first time I allowed him to take the kids to his parent's without me, I put him on a strict time limit.. He didn't complain.. Instead, he kept to his word and after a few more times, I slowly started to trust him to bring them over without me..

I always think in-laws issues has to be dealt with between the husband and wife first.. I will never sandwich my husband between me and my parents.. He will always be my priority.. I expected him to be the same and he did.. Our marriage is much stronger now..

It's quite normal to encounter parents/in-laws problem after marriage/baby.. Relax and let the storm cool down first before attempting to talk it out again.. Maybe might help..

Hope you guys will resolve this soon.. Try not to be too stressed up over this issue and cherish your own family first..

 

[johnnywalker]

I dont mean to take sides but I feel you should talk to your wife and try to understand and be on her side when she's willing to tell you.. There may be a possibility of something very negative and very deep going on between her and your parents.. Maybe something happened to trigger this conflict and slowly built up the grudge..

I'm not saying there is but it's just a possibility.. For my case, my MIL and I had a very bad grudge.. HB and I talked it out for a loooong time and he was very understanding and was on my side.. But he also explained in detail to me why he wants his parents to see our kids.. My own family has never had close ties before.. The first time I allowed him to take the kids to his parent's without me, I put him on a strict time limit.. He didn't complain.. Instead, he kept to his word and after a few more times, I slowly started to trust him to bring them over without me..

I always think in-laws issues has to be dealt with between the husband and wife first.. I will never sandwich my husband between me and my parents.. He will always be my priority.. I expected him to be the same and he did.. Our marriage is much stronger now..

It's quite normal to encounter parents/in-laws problem after marriage/baby.. Relax and let the storm cool down first before attempting to talk it out again.. Maybe might help..

Hope you guys will resolve this soon.. Try not to be too stressed up over this issue and cherish your own family first..

Thank you rkygirl. Will try it out. Thanks

 

[behappylah]

Hi johnnywalker

my in laws are nice to me. i have no complains about them. in fact, i always be the one who are arranging the gathering for family
i have 1 sil . she is v wired. she doesn't like us n she not allowed us to go her place ( my in laws's house. the flat is brought by my in laws). we cannot go visit them unless my sil goes holidays.

i wish i can have chance to go in law's place for meal during wkend. my family not in singapore so it's b nice to meet my in laws every weekend etc

i hope your wife will wake up n understanding that there is no need to control u or your kids. you are just visiting your own parents. nothing wrong with it.

i think u r v good hubby. my hubby seldom helps me with any housework.

hope your wife will understand u more n u can work out with her.