Also, what do you girls do when people have been insensitive to you, with or without realising it? Sorry I just need to have a rant here because there's hardly anywhere else I can say it and I just need to let it out rather than keeping it bottled inside me.
Almost every time my husband and I have dinner with my in-laws, my brother-in-law's girlfriend will somehow find some way to mention about how cute her 7-month-old niece is, and want to show everyone pictures on her phone. It always has been hard for me, especially since we've been trying quite a long time already and with all the failed IUIs and IVFs, but last night it was just unbearable, especially since my m/c was only two weeks ago. I almost cried at the restaurant, and already started tearing up a bit, but had to do all I can to hold it in. It was such an awkward situation for me because nobody there knew about the m/c. My father-in-law (FIL) knows about our fertility treatments, but my husband hadn't had the chance to tell him about the pregnancy and then the m/c. My mom-in-law had passed away a few years earlier and last night's dinner was the first time he brought this new lady he's seeing to meet us. My brother-in-law doesn't know anything cus my husband and I feel there's no need to tell him, so his girlfriend obviously doesn't know cus they just got together not too long ago and I don't know her very well.
I think if it were with my own family who knows everything I would have just cried and let it all out and felt better afterwards, but because of this awkward situation, I just had to smile and bear with it and continue to make conversation throughout the whole of dinner. And then now every time I see my brother-in-laws's girlfriend I just feel a bit bitter towards her and dread that she's going to bring the topic up again. I know it's not her fault and she doesn't know and all, but I still can't help the way I feel...
And then I often feel this bitterness towards people like her because I used to be super excited about playing with other people's babies and kids because I like children and felt that someday I'm going to have my own, and there's that wonderful feeling of the possibility of having children when my husband and I decide that it's time to try for them. But after dealing with infertility, and going in and out of the hospital for tests and IUIs and IVFs and with this m/c, I feel like this fairytale feeling has been shattered. So when i encounter people like my brother-in-law's girlfriend, or newlyweds, or people who have no problems conceiving, who have no idea how hard or how heartbreaking the journey can be because they haven't taken a step into our world, I feel this sense of bitterness and think in my head, 'Omg, you just have no idea, do you.'
Sorry for being such a downer here. I just need to know that I'm not the only one who is feeling/has felt like this before, and if you've ever had a similar encounter, please feel free to share too. And it'd be great to know how you managed to get over/get past difficult/painful moments like these...