Support group - Miscarriages

bluesand,
sorry to hear about your loss. do have a mini confinement by eating rich nutritious food to regain and build up your body.

did you have a few blood test done upon knowing your m/c ? the blood test result would be helpful to your doc to screen and 'roughly' know what happened...
as for the baby's body, if you didn't ask for an autopsy to be done, i'm afraid you are unable to tell what/where went wrong.

my cousin sis who has a stillborn at 25wks, when she went to see our doc, her baby was dead in her womb already. there and then, she had 3 tubes of blood taken from her. the next day she went for a 2nd opinion, and again saw no life of the baby. so she went back to our doc and arranged for her to 'deliver' her baby out. in the beginning she and her hubby didn't want to do an autopsy but our doc said it'll be good to know what/where went wrong, as the part of her blood test showed she was healthy and fine then, and also all thru' her 6mths she had a good pregnancy.
with the doc's advise they did the autopsy (cost $500+) and 1 wk later when she went back for her check up, our doc explained to her that it was the umbillical cord that was defected and nothing could have been done or even been detacted. it was a good closure for them all. the blood test screen she did, all was indeed healthy, just a misfortune with her baby...

you were at your 11+wks, which means you had yet to get any blood test done then, right... usually 12~16wks there'll be some extra test done to monitor the baby's development & growth. as well as mum's well-being.

i guess you only have very limited info... but maybe now... forcus on getting well. and after your 1st cycle of menses, visit your doc and get a health screen done just to give you the extra reassurence that you are ready for TCC and this time, maybe you'll be given extra supplements.
hmmm... it'll be good also to give your doc a family health history, every info will help, i'm sure. here, one can't help but do be extra "kiasu".
do take care and do wish you a speedy recovery.
do update us here, if you know of anything. "talking"/writing and pouring out your thoughts & feelings will help you along the way.
 


bluesand,
sorry to hear about your loss. do have a mini confinement by eating rich nutritious food to regain and build up your body.

did you have a few blood test done upon knowing your m/c ? the blood test result would be helpful to your doc to screen and 'roughly' know what happened...
as for the baby's body, if you didn't ask for an autopsy to be done, i'm afraid you are unable to tell what/where went wrong.

my cousin sis who has a stillborn at 25wks, when she went to see our doc, her baby was dead in her womb already. there and then, she had 3 tubes of blood taken from her. the next day she went for a 2nd opinion, and again saw no life of the baby. so she went back to our doc and arranged for her to 'deliver' her baby out. in the beginning she and her hubby didn't want to do an autopsy but our doc said it'll be good to know what/where went wrong, as the part of her blood test showed she was healthy and fine then, and also all thru' her 6mths she had a good pregnancy.
with the doc's advise they did the autopsy (cost $500+) and 1 wk later when she went back for her check up, our doc explained to her that it was the umbillical cord that was defected and nothing could have been done or even been detacted. it was a good closure for them all. the blood test screen she did, all was indeed healthy, just a misfortune with her baby...

you were at your 11+wks, which means you had yet to get any blood test done then, right... usually 12~16wks there'll be some extra test done to monitor the baby's development & growth. as well as mum's well-being.

i guess you only have very limited info... but maybe now... forcus on getting well. and after your 1st cycle of menses, visit your doc and get a health screen done just to give you the extra reassurence that you are ready for TCC and this time, maybe you'll be given extra supplements.
hmmm... it'll be good also to give your doc a family health history, every info will help, i'm sure. here, one can't help but do be extra "kiasu".
do take care and do wish you a speedy recovery.
do update us here, if you know of anything. "talking"/writing and pouring out your thoughts & feelings will help you along the way.
 
bluesand,
sorry to hear about your loss. do have a mini confinement by eating rich nutritious food to regain and build up your body.

did you have a few blood test done upon knowing your m/c ? the blood test result would be helpful to your doc to screen and 'roughly' know what happened...
as for the baby's body, if you didn't ask for an autopsy to be done, i'm afraid you are unable to tell what/where went wrong.

my cousin sis who has a stillborn at 25wks, when she went to see our doc, her baby was dead in her womb already. there and then, she had 3 tubes of blood taken from her. the next day she went for a 2nd opinion, and again saw no life of the baby. so she went back to our doc and arranged for her to 'deliver' her baby out. in the beginning she and her hubby didn't want to do an autopsy but our doc said it'll be good to know what/where went wrong, as the part of her blood test showed she was healthy and fine then, and also all thru' her 6mths she had a good pregnancy.
with the doc's advise they did the autopsy (cost $500+) and 1 wk later when she went back for her check up, our doc explained to her that it was the umbillical cord that was defected and nothing could have been done or even been detacted. it was a good closure for them all. the blood test screen she did, all was indeed healthy, just a misfortune with her baby...

you were at your 11+wks, which means you had yet to get any blood test done then, right... usually 12~16wks there'll be some extra test done to monitor the baby's development & growth. as well as mum's well-being.

i guess you only have very limited info... but maybe now... forcus on getting well. and after your 1st cycle of menses, visit your doc and get a health screen done just to give you the extra reassurence that you are ready for TCC and this time, maybe you'll be given extra supplements.
hmmm... it'll be good also to give your doc a family health history, every info will help, i'm sure. here, one can't help but do be extra "kiasu".
do take care and do wish you a speedy recovery.
do update us here, if you know of anything. "talking"/writing and pouring out your thoughts & feelings will help you along the way.
 
Thanks Gd Facts & JingleBun.

I do browse through this website and read lots of people experience during pass week and telling myself that I am not the only unfortunate one. I can't help crying when reading some of the posting as it remind me my loss too.

I only do blood test for the HIV, Hep B and Syphilis (which require for every pregnant woman) around my 8 weeks visit. Result was all negative. Apart from that, I have no other info.

I am schedule for CVS procedure (take sample from placenta for thalasemia, down syndrom & sex of baby) on my wk 11+. Before the procedure, they scan my womb to find the actual position of placenta and baby. Only then we found out about the tragedy.

But I also believe that GOD have this task for us with reason. I hope GOD will eventually grant all heart broken mummy here a healthy baby!
 
Thanks Gd Facts & JingleBun.

I do browse through this website and read lots of people experience during pass week and telling myself that I am not the only unfortunate one. I can't help crying when reading some of the posting as it remind me my loss too.

I only do blood test for the HIV, Hep B and Syphilis (which require for every pregnant woman) around my 8 weeks visit. Result was all negative. Apart from that, I have no other info.

I am schedule for CVS procedure (take sample from placenta for thalasemia, down syndrom & sex of baby) on my wk 11+. Before the procedure, they scan my womb to find the actual position of placenta and baby. Only then we found out about the tragedy.

But I also believe that GOD have this task for us with reason. I hope GOD will eventually grant all heart broken mummy here a healthy baby!
 
Thanks Gd Facts & JingleBun.

I do browse through this website and read lots of people experience during pass week and telling myself that I am not the only unfortunate one. I can't help crying when reading some of the posting as it remind me my loss too.

I only do blood test for the HIV, Hep B and Syphilis (which require for every pregnant woman) around my 8 weeks visit. Result was all negative. Apart from that, I have no other info.

I am schedule for CVS procedure (take sample from placenta for thalasemia, down syndrom & sex of baby) on my wk 11+. Before the procedure, they scan my womb to find the actual position of placenta and baby. Only then we found out about the tragedy.

But I also believe that GOD have this task for us with reason. I hope GOD will eventually grant all heart broken mummy here a healthy baby!
 
Also would like to check,

My gynae did give me 2 weeks hospital leave, already pass 1 week and thinking to go back to work tomorrow. Becos one of my colleague who had m/c B4 also rest for 1 week only. Worry boss might not be happy if I rest too long...

I do read that lots of gals here do mini confinement for 2 weeks, is this means staying at home for 2 weeks ot eating confinement food for 2 weeks??
 
Also would like to check,

My gynae did give me 2 weeks hospital leave, already pass 1 week and thinking to go back to work tomorrow. Becos one of my colleague who had m/c B4 also rest for 1 week only. Worry boss might not be happy if I rest too long...

I do read that lots of gals here do mini confinement for 2 weeks, is this means staying at home for 2 weeks ot eating confinement food for 2 weeks??
 
Also would like to check,

My gynae did give me 2 weeks hospital leave, already pass 1 week and thinking to go back to work tomorrow. Becos one of my colleague who had m/c B4 also rest for 1 week only. Worry boss might not be happy if I rest too long...

I do read that lots of gals here do mini confinement for 2 weeks, is this means staying at home for 2 weeks ot eating confinement food for 2 weeks??
 
Good Fact...
There was some light spoting again..after stopping for a week since the m/c....getting worried now...I have been passing out blood for the whole of the week before since the m/c and it stopped only last Sun.

Will be seeing gynae for another scan on Monday..she said I might need to go through a D&C! Oh no...

ah_kat
 
Good Fact...
There was some light spoting again..after stopping for a week since the m/c....getting worried now...I have been passing out blood for the whole of the week before since the m/c and it stopped only last Sun.

Will be seeing gynae for another scan on Monday..she said I might need to go through a D&C! Oh no...

ah_kat
 
Good Fact...
There was some light spoting again..after stopping for a week since the m/c....getting worried now...I have been passing out blood for the whole of the week before since the m/c and it stopped only last Sun.

Will be seeing gynae for another scan on Monday..she said I might need to go through a D&C! Oh no...

ah_kat
 
By the way, jinglebun...I did another blood test for TSH again and doc said that it had dropped slightly on its own...will need to do the test again in one month time to see the level. It is impt to treat tyroid as it not just affecting pregnancy but well being of one as well...
 
By the way, jinglebun...I did another blood test for TSH again and doc said that it had dropped slightly on its own...will need to do the test again in one month time to see the level. It is impt to treat tyroid as it not just affecting pregnancy but well being of one as well...
 
By the way, jinglebun...I did another blood test for TSH again and doc said that it had dropped slightly on its own...will need to do the test again in one month time to see the level. It is impt to treat tyroid as it not just affecting pregnancy but well being of one as well...
 
did anyone read yesterday's newpaper...
so sad... this mum loss her baby (stillborn) and was 'treated' poorly by the nurse.

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,113287,00.html?

Frightened young mum asks:
HOW LONG IS IT SAFE TO KEEP DEAD BABY INSIDE?
Answer: Longer than you think.
By Tay Shi An September 11, 2006

SHE was stunned to hear the news. Housewife Rahimah was into her eighth month of pregnancy when she was told that her much-awaited baby had suddenly died inside her womb.

Torn with grief, she then asked if the hospital could surgically remove the dead foetus. But the 25-year-old housewife said a nurse told her bluntly: 'We don't do operations for dead babies.'

The hospital later apologised for the nurse's remarks.

Madam Rahimah was informed that the operation would be done only the following day.

As her condition was stable, there was no urgency.

Madam Rahimah and her husband turned down the offer to be warded immediately, as they had to make arrangements for their other children, said the hospital.

But Madam Rahimah claimed she was not told whether it was safe to wait.

The young Singaporean mother spent the next four hours worrying about what a dead foetus inside her body would do to her.

Back at their two-room rental flat in the east, the couple called their parents to tell them the bad news.

Madam Rahimah's husband is an Indian national and Singapore PR.

Madam Rahimah said: 'They told us we were stupid and that I should have taken out the baby immediately. They said it was not safe.'

That scared the couple further.

Her husband subsequently accompanied her back to the hospital late that night and she was warded at KK Women's and Children's Hospital (KKH), she said.

HOW LONG IS SAFE?

So how safe is it to delay the removal of a dead foetus from the mother's womb?

Doctors say it's generally safe for a stillborn to be left inside the mother for more than two weeks.

A baby that dies after the 28th week of pregnancy is referred to as stillborn.

Dr Tan Kok Hian, a senior consultant at KKH, said that a dead foetus will not decompose in the womb as it is in a sterile environment. Therefore, there is little chance of the mother getting infected.

Stillbirths occur in about one out of every 200 to 300 pregnancies.

As in Madam Rahimah's case, about 40 per cent of stillbirths at KKH cannot be explained, said Dr Tan.

The other 60 per cent of stillbirths are usually caused by birth defects, placental problems, infections, chronic health conditions in the pregnant woman or umbilical cord accidents.

It occurs among all age groups, but those aged 30 and above face higher risk of stillbirth.

Good control of hypertension and diabetes in the mother, earlier delivery and early and regular antenatal care help to reduce the risk of stillbirth.

'Unfortunately, a significant proportion cannot be prevented as the cause is unknown or the occurence is sudden and unexpected,' said Dr Tan.

Last Monday was supposed to be a special day for Madam Rahimah and her husband.

It was the day they had picked to have their baby daughter delivered by caesarean section.

But instead of cradling a bundle of joy in their arms, they ended up mourning their dead baby.

It all seemed to happen so quickly after Madam Rahimah realised that her usually-active baby had suddenly stopped moving in her womb.

She was due to give birth this month.

Worried, she went to KKH later that night. There, a doctor did a scan and told her he could not find the baby's heartbeat.

The baby, who had seemed perfectly healthy throughout the eight-month pregnancy, had died.

Madam Rahimah and her 38-year-old husband, a foodstall assistant, were devastated. They have two other children aged 3 and 4.

She recalled: 'When we watched the National Day fireworks from outside our home the night before, I could still feel her kicking.'

At the hospital, a nurse told the mother that they could try to induce labour so she could give birth to the dead baby naturally.

Mothers of stillborns can choose to deliver their babies via natural labour (which usually happens within two weeks), induced labour (which may take one or two days) or caesarean sections.

Madam Rahimah asked if she could undergo a C-section instead.

That's when the nurse told her that the hospital do not do operations for dead babies.

But after the nurse learnt that her first two children had been conceived through C-sections - which meant her womb has a higher risk of rupturing if she goes through labour - she was scheduled for the operation the next day.

Madam Rahimah said she saw her dead baby just once - after she had just regained consciousness after her operation.

She said: 'A nurse brought the baby to me. I was crying, and she put the baby on my chest.

'I could see only her face - she was wrapped up in a green blanket. I couldn't move. I had a drip (in my left arm), so I used my right hand to touch her cheek.'

Her husband took pictures of the baby with his handphone. He then took her in his arms, unwrapped the blanket and examined her.

Madam Rahimah was afraid to look.

She was relieved when her husband said the baby looked normal.

'He said she had good hands, good legs, and all her body parts looked fine. She was perfect. Only her stomach was a bit bloated, and there were red patches on her body,' she noted.

'Just by looking at her, you can't tell something is wrong with her.'

The red splotches on her dead baby's skin were formed because of a lack of blood flow and oxygen which caused the tissue to degenerate, said Dr Tan of KKH.

Madam Rahimah said she and her husband did not claim Shafiah's body.

Before the operation, they were asked if they wanted to do so.

Distraught and confused then, the couple said they decided not to claim the body as they had no idea how to make funeral arrangements for a baby.

Madam Rahimah said: 'The hospital said we could leave the body to them, that they would make arrangements for a Muslim burial to be done for us. So we said okay.'

But now, Madam Rahimah regrets the decision.

'I feel guilty every day, as if I didn't respect her,' she said.

Madam Rahimah said she has seen a counsellor at a family service centre to help cope with her loss. The centre also got a volunteer to fetch her children home from the childcare centre for two weeks.

She said her husband has since come to terms with the loss.

'He doesn't want me to cry, so we don't talk about it.'

But their two young children keep asking about their baby sister.

She said: 'She's an angel to us now, a little well-wisher. We were just not fated to have her as our baby.'

COPING WITH LOSS

Dr Beh Suan Tiong, a gynaecologist in private practice at Thomson Medical Centre, said the emotional and psychological impact on the mother 'is likely to be greater if she is asked to continue carrying the dead foetus'.

But there are some who need time to accept the death and are not ready to let go until they get a second or third opinion, said KKH senior medical social worker Majella Irudayam.

After losing a baby, parents usually feel a strong sense of sadness, anger or bitterness.

Dr Tan said: 'Many parents also feel guilt. They often wonder if they did something to cause their baby's death, which is usually not true.'

At KKH, nurses and doctors are trained to provide support for bereaved family members, Ms Majella said.

KKH also encourages grieving parents to create memories of their baby by taking photos, or making footprints, handprints or saving lock of hair.

Dr Tan advises these parents to take care of their health. He suggested that they talk or write journals and read books and articles for information, guidance and support.

A support network like family, friends, a religious community or a support group would also help.

Said Dr Tan: 'You will never forget your baby, but you will heal. It does not happen overnight, but it will happen.'

Madam Rahimah said she and her husband had earlier named their unborn child Shafiah Shahrin.

Now, all Madam Rahimah has to remind her of her baby girl is a pale blue scrapbook, printed with the words 'Memories' and 'Our Special Baby'.

Inside are two photographs of her stillborn baby, which the hospital gave her.

She also keeps her ultrasound scans and doctor's appointment card.
 
did anyone read yesterday's newpaper...
so sad... this mum loss her baby (stillborn) and was 'treated' poorly by the nurse.

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,113287,00.html?

Frightened young mum asks:
HOW LONG IS IT SAFE TO KEEP DEAD BABY INSIDE?
Answer: Longer than you think.
By Tay Shi An September 11, 2006

SHE was stunned to hear the news. Housewife Rahimah was into her eighth month of pregnancy when she was told that her much-awaited baby had suddenly died inside her womb.

Torn with grief, she then asked if the hospital could surgically remove the dead foetus. But the 25-year-old housewife said a nurse told her bluntly: 'We don't do operations for dead babies.'

The hospital later apologised for the nurse's remarks.

Madam Rahimah was informed that the operation would be done only the following day.

As her condition was stable, there was no urgency.

Madam Rahimah and her husband turned down the offer to be warded immediately, as they had to make arrangements for their other children, said the hospital.

But Madam Rahimah claimed she was not told whether it was safe to wait.

The young Singaporean mother spent the next four hours worrying about what a dead foetus inside her body would do to her.

Back at their two-room rental flat in the east, the couple called their parents to tell them the bad news.

Madam Rahimah's husband is an Indian national and Singapore PR.

Madam Rahimah said: 'They told us we were stupid and that I should have taken out the baby immediately. They said it was not safe.'

That scared the couple further.

Her husband subsequently accompanied her back to the hospital late that night and she was warded at KK Women's and Children's Hospital (KKH), she said.

HOW LONG IS SAFE?

So how safe is it to delay the removal of a dead foetus from the mother's womb?

Doctors say it's generally safe for a stillborn to be left inside the mother for more than two weeks.

A baby that dies after the 28th week of pregnancy is referred to as stillborn.

Dr Tan Kok Hian, a senior consultant at KKH, said that a dead foetus will not decompose in the womb as it is in a sterile environment. Therefore, there is little chance of the mother getting infected.

Stillbirths occur in about one out of every 200 to 300 pregnancies.

As in Madam Rahimah's case, about 40 per cent of stillbirths at KKH cannot be explained, said Dr Tan.

The other 60 per cent of stillbirths are usually caused by birth defects, placental problems, infections, chronic health conditions in the pregnant woman or umbilical cord accidents.

It occurs among all age groups, but those aged 30 and above face higher risk of stillbirth.

Good control of hypertension and diabetes in the mother, earlier delivery and early and regular antenatal care help to reduce the risk of stillbirth.

'Unfortunately, a significant proportion cannot be prevented as the cause is unknown or the occurence is sudden and unexpected,' said Dr Tan.

Last Monday was supposed to be a special day for Madam Rahimah and her husband.

It was the day they had picked to have their baby daughter delivered by caesarean section.

But instead of cradling a bundle of joy in their arms, they ended up mourning their dead baby.

It all seemed to happen so quickly after Madam Rahimah realised that her usually-active baby had suddenly stopped moving in her womb.

She was due to give birth this month.

Worried, she went to KKH later that night. There, a doctor did a scan and told her he could not find the baby's heartbeat.

The baby, who had seemed perfectly healthy throughout the eight-month pregnancy, had died.

Madam Rahimah and her 38-year-old husband, a foodstall assistant, were devastated. They have two other children aged 3 and 4.

She recalled: 'When we watched the National Day fireworks from outside our home the night before, I could still feel her kicking.'

At the hospital, a nurse told the mother that they could try to induce labour so she could give birth to the dead baby naturally.

Mothers of stillborns can choose to deliver their babies via natural labour (which usually happens within two weeks), induced labour (which may take one or two days) or caesarean sections.

Madam Rahimah asked if she could undergo a C-section instead.

That's when the nurse told her that the hospital do not do operations for dead babies.

But after the nurse learnt that her first two children had been conceived through C-sections - which meant her womb has a higher risk of rupturing if she goes through labour - she was scheduled for the operation the next day.

Madam Rahimah said she saw her dead baby just once - after she had just regained consciousness after her operation.

She said: 'A nurse brought the baby to me. I was crying, and she put the baby on my chest.

'I could see only her face - she was wrapped up in a green blanket. I couldn't move. I had a drip (in my left arm), so I used my right hand to touch her cheek.'

Her husband took pictures of the baby with his handphone. He then took her in his arms, unwrapped the blanket and examined her.

Madam Rahimah was afraid to look.

She was relieved when her husband said the baby looked normal.

'He said she had good hands, good legs, and all her body parts looked fine. She was perfect. Only her stomach was a bit bloated, and there were red patches on her body,' she noted.

'Just by looking at her, you can't tell something is wrong with her.'

The red splotches on her dead baby's skin were formed because of a lack of blood flow and oxygen which caused the tissue to degenerate, said Dr Tan of KKH.

Madam Rahimah said she and her husband did not claim Shafiah's body.

Before the operation, they were asked if they wanted to do so.

Distraught and confused then, the couple said they decided not to claim the body as they had no idea how to make funeral arrangements for a baby.

Madam Rahimah said: 'The hospital said we could leave the body to them, that they would make arrangements for a Muslim burial to be done for us. So we said okay.'

But now, Madam Rahimah regrets the decision.

'I feel guilty every day, as if I didn't respect her,' she said.

Madam Rahimah said she has seen a counsellor at a family service centre to help cope with her loss. The centre also got a volunteer to fetch her children home from the childcare centre for two weeks.

She said her husband has since come to terms with the loss.

'He doesn't want me to cry, so we don't talk about it.'

But their two young children keep asking about their baby sister.

She said: 'She's an angel to us now, a little well-wisher. We were just not fated to have her as our baby.'

COPING WITH LOSS

Dr Beh Suan Tiong, a gynaecologist in private practice at Thomson Medical Centre, said the emotional and psychological impact on the mother 'is likely to be greater if she is asked to continue carrying the dead foetus'.

But there are some who need time to accept the death and are not ready to let go until they get a second or third opinion, said KKH senior medical social worker Majella Irudayam.

After losing a baby, parents usually feel a strong sense of sadness, anger or bitterness.

Dr Tan said: 'Many parents also feel guilt. They often wonder if they did something to cause their baby's death, which is usually not true.'

At KKH, nurses and doctors are trained to provide support for bereaved family members, Ms Majella said.

KKH also encourages grieving parents to create memories of their baby by taking photos, or making footprints, handprints or saving lock of hair.

Dr Tan advises these parents to take care of their health. He suggested that they talk or write journals and read books and articles for information, guidance and support.

A support network like family, friends, a religious community or a support group would also help.

Said Dr Tan: 'You will never forget your baby, but you will heal. It does not happen overnight, but it will happen.'

Madam Rahimah said she and her husband had earlier named their unborn child Shafiah Shahrin.

Now, all Madam Rahimah has to remind her of her baby girl is a pale blue scrapbook, printed with the words 'Memories' and 'Our Special Baby'.

Inside are two photographs of her stillborn baby, which the hospital gave her.

She also keeps her ultrasound scans and doctor's appointment card.
 
did anyone read yesterday's newpaper...
so sad... this mum loss her baby (stillborn) and was 'treated' poorly by the nurse.

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,113287,00.html?

Frightened young mum asks:
HOW LONG IS IT SAFE TO KEEP DEAD BABY INSIDE?
Answer: Longer than you think.
By Tay Shi An September 11, 2006

SHE was stunned to hear the news. Housewife Rahimah was into her eighth month of pregnancy when she was told that her much-awaited baby had suddenly died inside her womb.

Torn with grief, she then asked if the hospital could surgically remove the dead foetus. But the 25-year-old housewife said a nurse told her bluntly: 'We don't do operations for dead babies.'

The hospital later apologised for the nurse's remarks.

Madam Rahimah was informed that the operation would be done only the following day.

As her condition was stable, there was no urgency.

Madam Rahimah and her husband turned down the offer to be warded immediately, as they had to make arrangements for their other children, said the hospital.

But Madam Rahimah claimed she was not told whether it was safe to wait.

The young Singaporean mother spent the next four hours worrying about what a dead foetus inside her body would do to her.

Back at their two-room rental flat in the east, the couple called their parents to tell them the bad news.

Madam Rahimah's husband is an Indian national and Singapore PR.

Madam Rahimah said: 'They told us we were stupid and that I should have taken out the baby immediately. They said it was not safe.'

That scared the couple further.

Her husband subsequently accompanied her back to the hospital late that night and she was warded at KK Women's and Children's Hospital (KKH), she said.

HOW LONG IS SAFE?

So how safe is it to delay the removal of a dead foetus from the mother's womb?

Doctors say it's generally safe for a stillborn to be left inside the mother for more than two weeks.

A baby that dies after the 28th week of pregnancy is referred to as stillborn.

Dr Tan Kok Hian, a senior consultant at KKH, said that a dead foetus will not decompose in the womb as it is in a sterile environment. Therefore, there is little chance of the mother getting infected.

Stillbirths occur in about one out of every 200 to 300 pregnancies.

As in Madam Rahimah's case, about 40 per cent of stillbirths at KKH cannot be explained, said Dr Tan.

The other 60 per cent of stillbirths are usually caused by birth defects, placental problems, infections, chronic health conditions in the pregnant woman or umbilical cord accidents.

It occurs among all age groups, but those aged 30 and above face higher risk of stillbirth.

Good control of hypertension and diabetes in the mother, earlier delivery and early and regular antenatal care help to reduce the risk of stillbirth.

'Unfortunately, a significant proportion cannot be prevented as the cause is unknown or the occurence is sudden and unexpected,' said Dr Tan.

Last Monday was supposed to be a special day for Madam Rahimah and her husband.

It was the day they had picked to have their baby daughter delivered by caesarean section.

But instead of cradling a bundle of joy in their arms, they ended up mourning their dead baby.

It all seemed to happen so quickly after Madam Rahimah realised that her usually-active baby had suddenly stopped moving in her womb.

She was due to give birth this month.

Worried, she went to KKH later that night. There, a doctor did a scan and told her he could not find the baby's heartbeat.

The baby, who had seemed perfectly healthy throughout the eight-month pregnancy, had died.

Madam Rahimah and her 38-year-old husband, a foodstall assistant, were devastated. They have two other children aged 3 and 4.

She recalled: 'When we watched the National Day fireworks from outside our home the night before, I could still feel her kicking.'

At the hospital, a nurse told the mother that they could try to induce labour so she could give birth to the dead baby naturally.

Mothers of stillborns can choose to deliver their babies via natural labour (which usually happens within two weeks), induced labour (which may take one or two days) or caesarean sections.

Madam Rahimah asked if she could undergo a C-section instead.

That's when the nurse told her that the hospital do not do operations for dead babies.

But after the nurse learnt that her first two children had been conceived through C-sections - which meant her womb has a higher risk of rupturing if she goes through labour - she was scheduled for the operation the next day.

Madam Rahimah said she saw her dead baby just once - after she had just regained consciousness after her operation.

She said: 'A nurse brought the baby to me. I was crying, and she put the baby on my chest.

'I could see only her face - she was wrapped up in a green blanket. I couldn't move. I had a drip (in my left arm), so I used my right hand to touch her cheek.'

Her husband took pictures of the baby with his handphone. He then took her in his arms, unwrapped the blanket and examined her.

Madam Rahimah was afraid to look.

She was relieved when her husband said the baby looked normal.

'He said she had good hands, good legs, and all her body parts looked fine. She was perfect. Only her stomach was a bit bloated, and there were red patches on her body,' she noted.

'Just by looking at her, you can't tell something is wrong with her.'

The red splotches on her dead baby's skin were formed because of a lack of blood flow and oxygen which caused the tissue to degenerate, said Dr Tan of KKH.

Madam Rahimah said she and her husband did not claim Shafiah's body.

Before the operation, they were asked if they wanted to do so.

Distraught and confused then, the couple said they decided not to claim the body as they had no idea how to make funeral arrangements for a baby.

Madam Rahimah said: 'The hospital said we could leave the body to them, that they would make arrangements for a Muslim burial to be done for us. So we said okay.'

But now, Madam Rahimah regrets the decision.

'I feel guilty every day, as if I didn't respect her,' she said.

Madam Rahimah said she has seen a counsellor at a family service centre to help cope with her loss. The centre also got a volunteer to fetch her children home from the childcare centre for two weeks.

She said her husband has since come to terms with the loss.

'He doesn't want me to cry, so we don't talk about it.'

But their two young children keep asking about their baby sister.

She said: 'She's an angel to us now, a little well-wisher. We were just not fated to have her as our baby.'

COPING WITH LOSS

Dr Beh Suan Tiong, a gynaecologist in private practice at Thomson Medical Centre, said the emotional and psychological impact on the mother 'is likely to be greater if she is asked to continue carrying the dead foetus'.

But there are some who need time to accept the death and are not ready to let go until they get a second or third opinion, said KKH senior medical social worker Majella Irudayam.

After losing a baby, parents usually feel a strong sense of sadness, anger or bitterness.

Dr Tan said: 'Many parents also feel guilt. They often wonder if they did something to cause their baby's death, which is usually not true.'

At KKH, nurses and doctors are trained to provide support for bereaved family members, Ms Majella said.

KKH also encourages grieving parents to create memories of their baby by taking photos, or making footprints, handprints or saving lock of hair.

Dr Tan advises these parents to take care of their health. He suggested that they talk or write journals and read books and articles for information, guidance and support.

A support network like family, friends, a religious community or a support group would also help.

Said Dr Tan: 'You will never forget your baby, but you will heal. It does not happen overnight, but it will happen.'

Madam Rahimah said she and her husband had earlier named their unborn child Shafiah Shahrin.

Now, all Madam Rahimah has to remind her of her baby girl is a pale blue scrapbook, printed with the words 'Memories' and 'Our Special Baby'.

Inside are two photographs of her stillborn baby, which the hospital gave her.

She also keeps her ultrasound scans and doctor's appointment card.
 
Hi ah_kat..

Dont worry..jus see the gynae..n hopefully, most tissue n blood have cleared. I had a natural m/c at home..very heavy bleeding n painful cramps..but after that I didnt need a D&C..my gynae said he could see some blood left in my womb..but told me I should pass all out at the 1st menses. So u may not need a D&C..esp if yours was an early m/c.
 
Hi ah_kat..

Dont worry..jus see the gynae..n hopefully, most tissue n blood have cleared. I had a natural m/c at home..very heavy bleeding n painful cramps..but after that I didnt need a D&C..my gynae said he could see some blood left in my womb..but told me I should pass all out at the 1st menses. So u may not need a D&C..esp if yours was an early m/c.
 
Hi ah_kat..

Dont worry..jus see the gynae..n hopefully, most tissue n blood have cleared. I had a natural m/c at home..very heavy bleeding n painful cramps..but after that I didnt need a D&C..my gynae said he could see some blood left in my womb..but told me I should pass all out at the 1st menses. So u may not need a D&C..esp if yours was an early m/c.
 
A case that alike mine.. Make me really dislike KKH sometimes! My baby boy also very healthy..

Mine also.. the night before, baby was still kicking.

"As in Madam Rahimah's case, about 40 per cent of stillbirths at KKH cannot be explained, said Dr Tan." ya lor.. why no explanation? mine also..
totally like my case.. make me tear again..
Why like that!!!??

Nurse even asked me whether i'm sad about the loss of my baby. Wah!!! damn stupid questions right?

i dont have the answers.. only making me thinking isit because of me then baby died.

"Mothers of stillborns can choose to deliver their babies via natural labour" Mine is natural labour.. Cannot operate.. in danger that time.

''The hospital said we could leave the body to them, that they would make arrangements''
I also regret!! I want to keep my baby!!!


Really upsad..
 
A case that alike mine.. Make me really dislike KKH sometimes! My baby boy also very healthy..

Mine also.. the night before, baby was still kicking.

"As in Madam Rahimah's case, about 40 per cent of stillbirths at KKH cannot be explained, said Dr Tan." ya lor.. why no explanation? mine also..
totally like my case.. make me tear again..
Why like that!!!??

Nurse even asked me whether i'm sad about the loss of my baby. Wah!!! damn stupid questions right?

i dont have the answers.. only making me thinking isit because of me then baby died.

"Mothers of stillborns can choose to deliver their babies via natural labour" Mine is natural labour.. Cannot operate.. in danger that time.

''The hospital said we could leave the body to them, that they would make arrangements''
I also regret!! I want to keep my baby!!!


Really upsad..
 
A case that alike mine.. Make me really dislike KKH sometimes! My baby boy also very healthy..

Mine also.. the night before, baby was still kicking.

"As in Madam Rahimah's case, about 40 per cent of stillbirths at KKH cannot be explained, said Dr Tan." ya lor.. why no explanation? mine also..
totally like my case.. make me tear again..
Why like that!!!??

Nurse even asked me whether i'm sad about the loss of my baby. Wah!!! damn stupid questions right?

i dont have the answers.. only making me thinking isit because of me then baby died.

"Mothers of stillborns can choose to deliver their babies via natural labour" Mine is natural labour.. Cannot operate.. in danger that time.

''The hospital said we could leave the body to them, that they would make arrangements''
I also regret!! I want to keep my baby!!!


Really upsad..
 
Hi Charis,
In the end neber see the gynae as the bleeding stopped after 2 days..monitoring now to see what happen...see doc until scared.

Thanks!

ah_kat
 
Hi Charis,
In the end neber see the gynae as the bleeding stopped after 2 days..monitoring now to see what happen...see doc until scared.

Thanks!

ah_kat
 
Hi Charis,
In the end neber see the gynae as the bleeding stopped after 2 days..monitoring now to see what happen...see doc until scared.

Thanks!

ah_kat
 
I just had a miscarriage last Tuesday (8 weeks preggy) and did a d&c the following day.

I read that I should do a mini confinement. I've been eating tonics like dang gui and korean ginseng. Is that sufficient? I'm back at work already. I've been carrying my 10 mos old daughter and doing some packing in the office as the premise is going to be renovated. Is that alright? What else should I do to "bu" my body?

Physically I am doing fine, but emotionally....it's very hard
 
I just had a miscarriage last Tuesday (8 weeks preggy) and did a d&c the following day.

I read that I should do a mini confinement. I've been eating tonics like dang gui and korean ginseng. Is that sufficient? I'm back at work already. I've been carrying my 10 mos old daughter and doing some packing in the office as the premise is going to be renovated. Is that alright? What else should I do to "bu" my body?

Physically I am doing fine, but emotionally....it's very hard
 
I just had a miscarriage last Tuesday (8 weeks preggy) and did a d&c the following day.

I read that I should do a mini confinement. I've been eating tonics like dang gui and korean ginseng. Is that sufficient? I'm back at work already. I've been carrying my 10 mos old daughter and doing some packing in the office as the premise is going to be renovated. Is that alright? What else should I do to "bu" my body?

Physically I am doing fine, but emotionally....it's very hard
 
vinc,
ya emotionally its hard...but thats the reality that we need to face. My gynae told me when i went back for my follow up check up to take things easy.....its hard but we have to learnt and accept the fact along the way.....

u must really rest well leh. the other time after my D&C, i walk here and there at hm...in the end kana backache....my mom asked me not to move ard too much cos miscarriage is as draining as giving birth lo no matter miscarriage at which stage.

my mom made those chicken cooked in martel or dome...no need add water...just pour the liqour into a claypot and cover the chicken (can be a drum) then put into a slow cooker and cook from morn to evening or night time....but must make sure it doesnt dry up la.....very "bu"...cos i kana lots of pimple after taking.

else i think must also take balance diet to get all the nutrients back.....

oh....Eu Ren Seng Bai Fong Wan quite good....can go buy and take.....else think any brand also can cos i try a few brands b4. Just go chinese medical hall buy
 
vinc,
ya emotionally its hard...but thats the reality that we need to face. My gynae told me when i went back for my follow up check up to take things easy.....its hard but we have to learnt and accept the fact along the way.....

u must really rest well leh. the other time after my D&C, i walk here and there at hm...in the end kana backache....my mom asked me not to move ard too much cos miscarriage is as draining as giving birth lo no matter miscarriage at which stage.

my mom made those chicken cooked in martel or dome...no need add water...just pour the liqour into a claypot and cover the chicken (can be a drum) then put into a slow cooker and cook from morn to evening or night time....but must make sure it doesnt dry up la.....very "bu"...cos i kana lots of pimple after taking.

else i think must also take balance diet to get all the nutrients back.....

oh....Eu Ren Seng Bai Fong Wan quite good....can go buy and take.....else think any brand also can cos i try a few brands b4. Just go chinese medical hall buy
 
vinc,
ya emotionally its hard...but thats the reality that we need to face. My gynae told me when i went back for my follow up check up to take things easy.....its hard but we have to learnt and accept the fact along the way.....

u must really rest well leh. the other time after my D&C, i walk here and there at hm...in the end kana backache....my mom asked me not to move ard too much cos miscarriage is as draining as giving birth lo no matter miscarriage at which stage.

my mom made those chicken cooked in martel or dome...no need add water...just pour the liqour into a claypot and cover the chicken (can be a drum) then put into a slow cooker and cook from morn to evening or night time....but must make sure it doesnt dry up la.....very "bu"...cos i kana lots of pimple after taking.

else i think must also take balance diet to get all the nutrients back.....

oh....Eu Ren Seng Bai Fong Wan quite good....can go buy and take.....else think any brand also can cos i try a few brands b4. Just go chinese medical hall buy
 
Hi vinc...understand emotional it is really hard...mine happened 3 weeks ago and was the 1st one...till today on & off I will still get into daze.

Do take care and we will be happy to support or listen here
 
Hi vinc...understand emotional it is really hard...mine happened 3 weeks ago and was the 1st one...till today on & off I will still get into daze.

Do take care and we will be happy to support or listen here
 
Hi vinc...understand emotional it is really hard...mine happened 3 weeks ago and was the 1st one...till today on & off I will still get into daze.

Do take care and we will be happy to support or listen here
 
it has been 11 months since my first micarriage and 4 months since the second which turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy that ended with some complications.

been feeling very down and emotional, esp in view of whether to try again or even not to try again. equally beibng upset for not being able to make a decision.

physically i'm ok but emotionally a basket case.

how long does it take to really get over the loss emotionally?
 


it has been 11 months since my first micarriage and 4 months since the second which turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy that ended with some complications.

been feeling very down and emotional, esp in view of whether to try again or even not to try again. equally beibng upset for not being able to make a decision.

physically i'm ok but emotionally a basket case.

how long does it take to really get over the loss emotionally?
 
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