Support group - Miscarriages

Yaya,
actually while we focus on our bb n ourselves,we oso shld spare a thought for hb.I pity my hb that he has to go thru this wf me.It is quite "sianz" to go for appt.just told my hb we spent so much $$ n time yet we've to face the truth tat i am going thru 4th m/c,does it worth it?Whereas,i can use this $$ to buy more things for my son.But i've to convince myself this is not right,coz the bb is oso my fresh n blood,though i'll nvr hv the chance to hold him/her.
We've long way to go,there r lots more ppl out there who passed away at young age.So i oso keep asking myself if i shld just move on n forget abt having 2nd child?
 


avocado, i tdy had dinner at food centre. hubby had chicken cutlet and i had fish and chip. mine is so so..and while we were eating, we were drooling over the long q at nasi lemak stall! hahaha..wish we shd try that instead.. lol..

i already not thinking about it. cos worrying and thinking it is beyond my control and only add more to my burden only. i will bear in mind to be determined, hopeful and never give up like my hubby said! hehe.. hubby told me that we will get it one day so long we never give up! when he encourage me that, i am so glad my hubby is with me
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by the way, hw many weeks u are in nw? dunno if u mentioned before..sorry ah..if u get to repeat..hehe...so is the gynae giving u anything to support it? since he said 70%, there is still 30% chance of surviving mah!
 
Hi Avocado,

How are you today? Just a week behind nia.. just wait 1 more week.. could be a late bloomer.

I draw every 2 months for thyroid but it is just 1 vial.. but the 5 vials I also was shocked but cannot react liao as I was in the chair! I cannot even feel my arm after that and they have to use a pump. X_X..

The thing about endocrin doc and gynae and even rheumatolgist almost never agree with each other. My endocrine also insist is not my thyroid etc etc say the antibodies are nothing as it is just there. But I really think there is and when I went to the joint consulation at NUH the 2 docs agree there have been some studies that do show some link although theortically endocrine system are suppose to be understood that it doesnt. I will keep an open mind.. whoever shows me what works will get the buy in.

Yaya, Good to hear you are better ald =).. I also believe we get there someday even if it is not now.. just need more time for us.
 
yaya,i suppose to be 7wk+,but sac only 6wk.

i hope my hb has the same perseverance as ur hb.He oredi given up.I don't blame him coz 4x oredi.Furthermore,we've a 6yrs old son to busy wf.We do not hv helper,so it is quite difficult for us to cope wf my pregnancy while looking after my son.

U r right,no point thinking abt it since it is beyond ur control.We went to temple twice to pray for our lost bbs.I told the buddha n KuanYin,if he/she not fated to be my child,pls clear his/her karma n hopefully he/she finds another suitable family.

I do not take duphaston anymore,coz it'll only prolong the pregnancy.If the bb oredi has chromosome prob(sign of slow growth),my gynae said it is unnecessary to take duphaston.Initially,i was very hesitated coz i wanna this bb.But if he/she is abnormal,i do nt wanna him/her to suffer.
 
Ling,
Hv u ever considered taking few months of long break(for eg,in btw job change)in countries such as NZ/Australia to make ur bb there?

Stuff u n ur hb wf lots of fresh fruits/vege which u can nvr find such fresh food in Sg.
 
avocado, huh! lidat ah.. so sianz.. i reckon if mine continue to grow, also will be like ur case somehow. cos the gynae at KKH said mine is only 4week when i am already approaching 6 weeks soon tha ttime. so sianz.. i wonder when can we get a healthy pregnancy???!.. u are not so bad.. still got 1 kid to take care and also consoled by...

i right now dunno kinda of get emotional. tdy is my 1st day back to work and i cant concentrate!

Ling, i am okay already. if really the baby is not meant to be, i will want to give a clean cut and move on and not to wait and wait..
 
avocado,

Both of us are really in the same position. I also do not have helper. MIL is too old (also do not have the right mind set) to handle my son, my parents are working. So my son is in infantcare since 3 mths old. Now in childcare. I need to send him to CC in the morning then rush to pick him up in the evening, then bath him b4 going to my parent's plc (lucky only next blk) for dinner, then rush home & try very hard to put him in bed (he sleeps at 11pm!). By the time he doze off, we are both dead tired liao. Can't imagine what will happen when he goes to Pri 1 in 2 yrs time. During those fail preg, my hubby was under lots of stress as my gynae put me under "home arrest" ie rest at home or rest in bed. Though we want to have another one, but really scared. If fail again how?

I went to temple yesterday to pray for strength to help me through this mess. What to do, got to leave it to god. Maybe I'm not fated to have 2 kids. I hope Mahesh is the angel sent by Kuan Yin to shed me light tomorrow.

Ling,

Agree with avocado, during my 2 yrs in Aust, I feel I was a lot healthier there. Take a break & get away from all the stress here.
 
avocado, good suggestion leh... i also want haha.

btw, i nearly vomitted blood talking to my rheumatologist in mt e ystd. i asked her about the link between repeated mc and antibodies and all she said was PROBABLY. ask me don't think too much ans said how many children we have is fated. wa lau!... machiam i dunno and have to spend $100 listening to this!

confirm i want to see dr mahesh and stick with nuh liao. she can't even tell me what she'll do if i get pg again except that she'll inject me to help in the blood flow to the fetus and put me on low dose of asprin. she says she does ivig but i dun think she has done for many cases. o_O

i saw my report ystd.
positive for anti ds dna, anti ro (high number, which explains the neonatal lupus), anti la but negative for anti cardiolipin and anticoagulant.
 
athen and avocado, i am in the same boat too. my inlaws are old and don't help me at all while my mum works.

my daughter was in infant care since TWO MONTHS old! the only time she was in a 3 hour prog was when i took no pay leave to look after her for a year. now, she's in half day prog, so i pick her up at 2 pm after my work. i have to bath, feed, put her to bed and teach her stuff (i try...) and by the time the clock hits 9pm, i'm zonked. i'll read story books until i sleep and she'll be wondering what happened to mummy... so farnie...
 
Tub, I have the same problem. The bedtime story seems to be my bedtime story not his. I always doze off b4 him. There are times where he'll give me a hit on the face to wake me up. Kids these days are really challenge. My mum told me that we were not like tat.

Gals who do not have kids yet, don let our experience scare you off. Though kids are a monsters (or caveman during toddler days) at times, there are angel days too.
 
athen,
i dunno whether i can have kid or not lor.. let alone being scared by these. hehe..

i am wondering shd i get confinement food or not. but $360 to $410 for 1 week ( lunch and dinner) is quite expensive. what u all think? u got any lobang to recommend? i think i would want to keep the contact handy at this moment!

tub, u are now seeing dr mahesh ah? is she good???
 
yaya,

Like what your hubby say. Be positive.

Yes, catering confinement food is expensive. If you engage a stay-in confinement nanny will be $1800 (if I'm not wrong). Cheaper as she helps to take care of bb at night. Isn't it too early to check out contact now?

BTW, Dr Mahesh is a man.
 
athen, i am only looking for confinement food nia. for 1week lor. not looking at stay in nanny since i dun have baby for her to take care at the moment.

Oic.. so is Dr Mahesh charges expensive?
 
yaya,
i am oso thinking of confinement food catering after my m/c.But didn't hv mood to do research.The price $300++ is ex leh.

Athen,
stay in confinement nanny is ard that price.I've had bad experience wf nanny.She was sick the 1st wk my son is borned.Bcoz we afraid she pass the virus to my son,i took care of my son by myself n she only did cooking.

Tub,
haha,u r funny.A matter of fact,there was what my endocrine n gynaes told me the same stories too.They put u on aspirin even right b4 u conceive,it serves as blockage n assuming that u've autoimmune(even u might not hv).Coz they won't know when autoimmune will trigger n by the time if it is reali the autoimmune that causing the m/c,it'll be too late.Coz once the sperms flow in n if fertitlization occurs(which our bodies treat it as foreign cell n attack it),m/c will happen.
So this is the best they can do_Other than that,i can't think of any other way they could help u,unless someone can invent some kinda of super dupey high tech u/s which able to scan if ur next ovulated eggs r good/bad quality or test the sperms, b4 u ttc.If not,we've to..."keep trying our lucks".
 
yaya,
it is perfectly normal for u to feel this way.Preggie women r emotionally unstable?Plus,with our situations,it add on our emotional burden.
I do hope i c heartbeat next wk,but then..will the heartbeat drag on for few wk then eventually stop?

Athen,
even my gynae asked me to pray...cute,isn't it?
 
yaya, avocado,

So u r planning for MC confinement food. Sigh...

Be careful of what confinement food you eat. I had black chicken herbal soup after my last MC, it induced more bleeding when it is almost going to stop. Some pple just react to chinese herbs differently. The nurse actually told me to avoid chinese herbs.

I did not really eat confinement food. Just avoid anything cooling, cold drink & things you should avoid during your actual confinement etc. I just did not follow the no shower & wash hair practice. Even during my actual confinement, I shower everyday with herbs & wash hair every week.

How I wish there is such a high tech US. But sadly, no such machine at the monment.
 
athen, yap.. i am planning for MC confinement food ah.. cos so far, only my MIL knows i got pregnant but she didnt know i am into this now.. sigh... hw i wish nobody knew except me and my hubby.
 
Athen,
i oso only took confinement food for my 1st m/c.For my 2nd & 3rd m/c,i didn't bother liao,just ate per normal n avoided any "liang" food.I even went swimming after my menses was cleared,to shed out of unwanted fats.
 
athen,
i used to go to bugis too,till my frd recommended the east coast one which is less crowded.
Surprisingly,my sac shows growth after each visit to the temple.
 
i din even do confinement after my mc. my mum just told me not to drink cold stuff. just had some tonic food for 2 days and that's it!

i was thinking about the ivig... do we do it b4 we get pg, which could cost us a bomb or after? and if after, by which week do we start? i guess i would have to ask dr mahesh this when i see him on dec 2 but does someone know in the mean time?

athen, aiyo... when my girl throws a tantrum, she turns me into a caveman! i want to punch her and skin her alive man! but other times, she's quite adorable. haha.

yaya, have not seen him yet. my appointment is on dec 2. wonder if i should book biswas at the same time. mahesh doesn't do iui right? i'm thinking of iui with biswas. any advise?

avocado, there's always ivig right? hope it will help us... sigh.
 
avocado,

Then you should go more often. Pray for miracle! Where do you stay? East coast is too far for me. I stay in CCK.

Tub,

I also din do confinement after mc.

When my boy throws tantrum, I just ignore him. He'll cool down after 15 mins. The tantrum can be so bad that neighbours open their door to see if there is a child abuse going on & my mum who stays in the next blk can hear him. She'll call & ask what the hell is wrong with him. Sigh.
 
u know athen, when she throws such big tantrums, i'll think to myself... perhaps one is more than enough.............
 
Tub,
same,when my son throws temper,i told myself one is enuff.But when he sayang me,i wanna more.dilemma

think shld b ivig,not sure what is that stand for..u decided to do iui wf biswa?perhaps try to research more on him fr. website n chk on his success cases in fertility treatment?I heard Dr sf Loh from KKH,dr lc foong fr gleneages r good in fertility treatment.another one is dr sheila loh fr. raffles
 
Athen,
hmm..i wish i've time n energy to go temple leh.Now if i go out for gynae appt oredi felt very tired.when i preggie wf my son(i was 29 y.o),i shopped the whole day oso no pro even i was 8mth preggie.
i stay at holland.Ya,it is quite far to travel to east coast fr cck.
 
Hi all,

I just get my referral letter to NUH. Appointment 6 Dec. Not sure which doctor i will see. They say i can ask the doctor in NUH on 6 Dec to refer me to Dr. Mahesh in order to get subsidy rate. Not sure this will work or not.
Athen, Ling, currently are you being charged the full rate >SGD 100 for each consultation?
Initially, i want to book Pro Biswas, but the nurse say i should see Dr. mahesh for recurrent MC. Biswas handle more high risk pregnancy case.
 
Hi girls!

Busy thread today! I am on deadline with work so even though took half day only left office late sigh waste my leave only..

Avocado, I was also thinking of taking some time off and look for another job. But always think only infact during my last job chnage 3 years ago I start new job the next day. My notice was 2 months so pretty difficult to get prospective employer to wait. I also wonder if it is stress but I really don't think so because my work only stress during certain period a month. However pressure to excel can be taunting. My hubby was comptemplating a china posting a few weeks ago but we need nuh expertise now with recurrent mc and I think I will just make him crazy if I idle there so turn it down.

I never get turn off having my own kids lah. I have 2 nieces so I know the antics ald
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prepared myself for it ald and will gladly go crazy haha. I used to stay with them and my sil will always leave them with us even now.

Yaya don't think abt confinement food now lah just pin chang xin okay
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actually think it is better to resume working because take your attention off certain things. I only did confinement 1st d and c than the subsequent natural mc which was like a big period I didn't do anything but took tcm because I didn't feel bad or weak infact went to work like usual. I actually recovered emotionally better.

Tub, wah think you go to nuh better.. Take all your reports along for dr mahnesh because he probably be getting you into the clinic he conduct with dr vasoo.. They understand us when we say we got recurrent mc not like we speaking in a foreign tongue. I almost killed myself with sgh gynae too.. When I told them my history the damn gynae said congratulations u can get preggers one.. =_____=

if one really need ivig from what I understand Dr vasoo was that some need before conception some need every 4 weeks. However that is only used as the last resort because is expensive and takes time. However they definetely more experience than most places despite the claim from your mt e rheumatologist otherwise when the straits times was doing the article they would have been in it isn't it?

Bibi u seeing what doctor? Gyna or rheumatologist? I managed to get the subsidy because of my referral from sgh which was thru the polyclinic route. I was with dr vasoo than somehow dr vasoo conduct a clinic with dr mahesh and I saw him during the joint consulation. However joint consulation means pay double the fee. Even if they want me to pay full rate I would do too. Can see the desperation in me ha!
 
Ling, hw much u have paid for the joint consultation under subsidy?
If i want to get subsidy, then i hav to go polyclinic get referral? Dunno hw abt doing that..
 
Ling,
hv u ever considered IUI? IUI washed up the sperms n only good quality sperms r used to fertilize the eggs.My gynae said we do nt hv fertility prob since it is not necessary.Since we can't predict the eggs quality,at least we try to minimize the risk of m/c due to bad sperms(in case).My gynae is kind enuff n he is now trying to find out more for me.
Coz i feel my m/cs r due to chromosome issues more than autoimmune prob
 
Ling,
no,no,China is a polluted country,and their food..hmmm....if possible,can ask ur hb nt to go?The m/c rate is higher oso,due to the air n water pollution.
hv u considered part time job?But sometx,PT job can be demanding.I've been in part time job(only worked 3days per week) few yrs ago,at nuh.I quit after 2mth coz they expected me to come bk n work on wkend.
 
Hi Bibi, yaya

I paid $100+ for Mahesh's 1st consultation. I understand that Mahesh does not see subsidise patients. If Ling managed to see him at subsidise rate, why not give it a try. Blood test under pte rate is damned expensive.

Hi Avocado,
If you feel you MC is due to chromosome issue, did you & your hubby do karotyping test?

In my opinion, IVF procedure selects the good egg & good sperm & may not be successful in 1 cycle, so I'm not sure if IUI will work since it only selects the good sperm.

Hi Ling,

I also feel that China is not a good place to stay for long term. Given the milk scandle, etc. Not sure what other problems they have there.
 
Athen
thks for good pc of info.I actually planned to do autoimmune blood test raffles but now i think i beta stick to NUH.

my hb n me hv done chromosome test for ourselves n results r ok.But we started to query the accuracy of the result since we did our chromosome test at TMC.Looking into their recent sperms mix up case,i lost confidence wf TMC.I was wf dr TC Chang,decided not to c him anymore coz i found their svr is not so good.I noe lots of TCS actresses delivered their bb there including Zoe Tay,Pan Ling Ling.
I recalled when i did DnC for my 3rd m/c,the nurse asked me to "self service" n shift myself to the op bed,coz they lack of manpower that day.

U r right,PGD+IVF screen n select good eggs+sperms.But on occasion,pGD may result false -ve result leading to acceptance of abnormal embryo.The cost of IVF alone is abt $15K,if add on PGD,i think might be much much more ex.
 
avocado,

During my recent hospitalisation at TMC, I did notice that they are a bit short handed. Nurses are also helping out in changing bedsheet & serving meals. When I deliver my boy, changing of bedsheet & serving meals are done by housekeeping & catering staff. Overall, I feel that their service is still quite good.

Though the mix up case is a serious error, I believe as long as they adhere to the procedure, TMC's service should still be reliable. We should not let this incident affect our confident.

If you can recall, KKH also had a major treatment error on cancer patients. In that case, 2 patients were administered with high dosage of drug. It was also concluded that this is a human error. I still have confident the medical service in S'pore. Compared with other countries (I do not want to mentioned which country), our error rate is quite low.
 
hi ladies

Avocado, Athen, i think PGD+IVF may help in our cases, maybe not literally but still improve our chances abit? I mean at least can select only the best eggs and sperms and then the best embryos so save us headache of conceiving and then miscarrying due to baby having chromosome problems.

Can i ask how does bb aspirin help for auto immune cases?

hi Tub, are the tests you did under thyroid screening? >> anti ds dna, anti ro, anti la, anti cardiolipin and anticoagulant?

All i think now to request from gynae is karyotyping, want to ask for auto immune tests but dont know whats to be covered in there, scared gynae miss out certain tests. Will go my co doc for thyroid screening and ask them include thyroid antibodies. Dont know whether am i testing enough, hmm
 
Jaraine,

Read about ur story n I want to cheer u on as another fellow balanced translocation carrier. I have had a few miscarriages, one failed pgd/Ivf with all unbalanced embies (all 14 unbalanced so cannot proceed) and out of unexpected chance, concieved on my own again and carried to term a healthy baby. Yes, it's very very painful to be diagnosed with an incurable condition with every preg full of fear until the day we deliver. Don't give up yah.. I believe one day u can carry your own baby to term. Whatever ur religion is and even if you don't have one, continue to believe in yourself, keep the faith, and pray for a healthy baby. Also, stay happy as that is a very important ingredient for an ultimately healthy baby. You can do it one!
 
Hi Shortyncute

I think i have unbalanced embies thru out all my IVF tries too else how to explain so many cycles fail (normally people would have succeeded by 2nd or 3rd try!) and even the 2 pregnancies i eventually had ended up in miscarriages. So its possible to have balanced and normal embies/pregnancies even though the chance may be low? Means not all our embies/pregnancies are doomed to be unbalanced, a small percentage can still be ok? Wow, if so, thats really consolation for me though my tries will still be challenging till i ever succeed.

Thanks for sharing your story!
 
Hi Sunny, for majority of cases of parents with chromosomal problems, it is still possible to produce normal gametes (eggs) or sperms. It's a matter of luck n chance. For my case, I can produce a normal egg but it was shocking that all my pgd/Ivf eggs were abnormal but later by chance produce a normal one. So the chance is always there. I know it's must be heart breaking for u.. Hugsss, but don't give up, hang in there n u will surely be a mommy one day.

Avocado, yes, I tested my chromosome after the miscarriages n they turned out to be balanced translocated.
 
Hi ladies

I was back at work on Monday after 5 weeks hospi leave. Have been busy answering all the WHYs on my sudden end of preg. D ladies asked all the qtns and d men seems to avoid me maybe for fear they say d wrong thing? At least my boss doesn't make me feel awkward. He even asked me if i plan to try again. But today someone spoilt my mood! i met a sec from d co next door in d toilet. she asked how was i doing, i told her my baby couldn't make it cos there'r some physical defects, and she said well there's no point holding on if d baby is RETARDED! I was stun & duno how to react. How can some1 be so tactless?! i nvr mention my baby will be retarded. I was so upset and went back to office and cried thinking who has been gossiping behind my back bout my baby!

Hi Shortyncut

Thank you, really appreciate ur encouragement. To hear tat there'r ppl like me who managed to hv a healthy baby.

Hi Sunny

Aspirin is to help thin blood and prevent blood clot esp. for those who might hv antiphospholipid syndrome which is one of d cause of recurrent mc.

If you planned to go for Karyotyping, ur husb shld do as well. It cost ard $400 per person at NUH if subsidise it will be ard +/- 80% less.
 
Hi Ling,

I don't know which doctor and from which depatment. They say doctor on duty. I just hope that that doctor later can refer me to prof mahesh. If not, i will just ask what test should i go for, and do all the test and later book mahesh.
The blood test is really expensive. I had mine in KKH with subsidise just to test the hormone on day 2 of menses already cost 150+ after subsidy. I cannot imagine the cost if book directly, the joint consultation fees and all the blood test. I have not done any test on myself that relates to MC.
 
Hi Jaraine,
*A tight n big hug for u* don't cry over ur sec.We can't avoid office gossip.I know exactly how u feel coz i encountered that oso.When I told one of my male colleague that i m/c n that's why i would like to be alone than joining them for lunch,guess what he said? He said:"Miscarriage? NO big deal"

If i would u,i oso would be stunned by her remarks n not sure how to react.Don't worry,Jaraine,U R a nice n brave girl n very soon u'll hv a cute bb cuddle in ur arms!What shortyncute said is true,we still hv the chance to produce good egg n baby!

Look at today news, John Travolta n his wife gave birth to their 3rd child at age of 56 n 48(if i remember correctly).They lost their 16y.o son years ago,they took a yr to grieve over it n now they've another son.Isn't it encouraging?Let's cheer up!
 
Hi girls..
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yaya I am a subsidized patient with sgh for my thyroid. To get subsidized have to go to polyclinic get a referral letter and they will make an appt for u at nuh. For me I wrote a letter to dr vasoo when the article was published and applied for a appt online. Someone call me up almost same day with a date and I was so thrilled with an appt with dr vasoo. I was expecting to pay full rate but when I presented the referral from my endocrine doc they gave me subsidized rates which was a bonus ! My doc Incharge is dr vasoo and dr mahnesh just sat in I reckon.

Avocado I did ask dr mahnesh if I need ivf or iui but he said not for my case from my history. I also don't know what is the deal moving forward. Anyway to ensure I minimize toxicity in me my hubby and me have started taking coq10 and royal jelly believe to remove free radical from our cells. I done krayotyping and all was good as well. So now just 1 step at a time... For me I really believe is my antibodies for thyroid. If you see my levels u will know why... 7000 compared to normalcy being zero. Most ppl with the antithyroid is probably only in hundreds. Faint...... So now I am taking the coq10 with selenium believed to be able to lower the thyroid antibodies..
 

Hi Avocado!

So early you check the forum!??! You in SIN?

I know the TPO well because I spend maybe a week poring thru all the article about this antibody =( Hence I know 7K is really out of normalcy. My Rheumatlogist have commented that there is nothing one can do abt these antibodies because it is like a fingerprint. However I really think the antibodies are the barrier to having a live birth for me. Just too high a number to not to pay attention to them.

I was halfway through replying yesterday here's part 2

Tub, no lah not going to China... At first the money was tempting and I could really take time of to nurse a pregnancy but we cant because we are seeking treatment with NUH so my hubby decided that we stick to NUH for treatment.

Jaraine, Dont feel dejected.. it will come soon. Just have to be brave. Work will take your mind away...

Bibi, You got the referral from polyclinic right than the blood tests will be subsidised so no worries...Just go for the appt and I hope they let you see a rheumatologist to do all the tests first. Seems like the best way to go with this.
 
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