Support group - Miscarriages

hi everyone,

thanks for all your support. i am learning to come to terms with this harsh reality. i'm glad that i found this forum.

my daughter is 22mths old
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I went for a followup checkup today. however, my gynae did not do any scan. she just insert her fingers and feel. she say the cervix has reduce in size and close up. i also did a pap smear.

as for the reason of m/c, it is partly due to infection. the gynae cant explain if the infection was before the dilation or after. she say it cld be before, thats why causing the opening. but if it is after, it is also possible, because the membrane is buldging.

aiya, sometimes docs also cant explain a lot of things. she say if i want to try, shd wait abt 6 mths, then she will refer me to the high risk team, to assess to to see if i shd do the cerclage at 12-14 weeks.

i dunno abt trying again. maybe need more time to prepare myself. you all have any good TCM to recommend?
 


Good Morning Ladies

I had D&C on Tuesday, 26 Feb (8 wks preg). I was having spotting. From 1st scan, bb's was to small for 8 wks and heartbeat was much slower than the normal rate. Gynae said not a good pregnancy. And true, on Tuesday morning, i was bleeding fresh blood and went down to see the gynae immediately and after scanning, gynae confirmed bb's heartbeat has stopped and had to wash it out. I was admitted and gynae done D&C that afternoon. I was given hospitalisation leave for 1 wk. Going back to office on Monday.

Dr wanted me to go back on 12 March for review.

I wld like to know how long after will we start to hv menses again?
 
Hi Linda, **hug hug** pls take care. when the Menses should come really depend on individuals. Some will come as soon as after a Month, some longer, it depends on how your body cope, especially stress and other emotions, they are key factors too. So what's more important now is to recuperate with all the tonics and have ample rest. We are all here if you need to talk ok..
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Porky, I'm planning to take the birdnest after e mini confinement even though my fren says can take now.
 
porky...im not veri certain but read dat he shd b back for consultation on mon 3 mar....try calling his clinic on mon to dbl check mayb....=D

porky if u still wish to continue the red date tea then must pack to bring along lor...otherwise can drink plain water but stay clear of iced water or soft drinks for the time being....i stopped after slightly more than 2 weeks...

*hugz* linda....sound veri much like my case...pls take good care of urself...we are here if u need anyone to talk too......=)

jlow...i have intention to take bird nest too....im still on DOM daily but was it here dat i read TTCing cant drink DOM...juz bot Yomeishu to try oso after finishing DOM.....
 
Piyobaby: read many articles and one of thing not to do is not to drink alcohol.... Also don't know why....

Porky: Don't be bothered by what your MIL say.... You buy and you pay for it... Not her... Most importantly is your health now... Not too sure if the medication is in pills or need to brew... Will let you know next week :)

Linda & phoebe mama: *lots of hugs* anytime you need someone to take to, we are here okie...

Jlow: No worries:)

The one I talking abt it
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Piyo & Porky,
My fren told me today that Birdnest is "cooling", she says if want to drink, put some ginseng. The TCM shop lady advice can drink but preferably after the confinement.

Cynthia, How's the wait and cost like?? Me tried the one in Eu Yan Seng Paragon, quite ex. So I am thinking if can find elsewhere to have acupuncture treatment, it will help to tiao me back faster..
 
hi cynthia, i worry if i really buy DOM to drink then she will say nasty remarks again...she is always wanted to interfer in our life...like the mistress of our house...actually the birdnest is my mum buy for me de, but my MIL say only miscarriage nia, why must drink birdnest...

thanks for the contact for the TCM in AMK. pls update us next week after u have consult the TCM ya
 
Hi hopefully

I only know i have cervical incompetent after the last 2 lost as i dilated at 2nd trim. Maybe you should consult your gynea abt this issue. If you previous MC is early and not 2nd trim lost, likely you dun have IC... dun stress yrself... have faith and all will be fine. Cheers
 
Jlow: read in the forum that the price is very reasonable.... if I'm not wrong acupunture is $25 per session... Over at Raffles Hospital TCM, 5 sessions is abt $400 which works out to abt $80 per session which is very ex.... think they say can call for appt... have not been there yet....

Porky: I think you r MIL very mean... I don't get along well with mine as well but after my MC, I make my hubby get her to come down for the 1st 5 days to cook for me... I'm bearing children for her son and wi;l be carrying their surname so the least she could do is take care of me.... It wasn't a easy journey for me... When I was hospitalize and confined to bed, she came and visit me and realise that the IVF procedure wasn't easy, at least she thanked me for making the effort...
Why not get your hubby to tell reason with her? Or make your own stand... At the end of the day, if you don't take care of your body now, in the future any pains and aches, she's not the one looking after you....
My MIL and FIL used to stay with us but I couldn't get along with them so at the end they moved to stay with her daughter... What happened was a long long story which almost caused my marriage... sigh.... So from then onwards, I make my opinions known to them.....
 
hi cynthia, at last ur PIL understand what u have done for them. is really hard for u to go thru IVF to bear them grandchildren. when my SIL married to my husband's elder bro 2 years ago, they TTC for 1+ year still no news..then my MIL keep saying that my SIL is no use, cant bear children cos she is too skninny liao. then suddenly last year she got pregnant and give birth to a cute bb boy. now my MIL is very proud and keep saying my SIL is very good. now is my turn liao, if i really cant give birth to a healthy grandchild sure she will have many things to say de...she even say that she give birth to my husband when she was 38 years old but i was only 30, why got miscarriage at this age..she wont understand the fact that miscarriage nowadays is very common...
 
Porky: *hugs* It's bad enough to have to go thru a miscarriage... but it's even worse to have a MIL who thinks she knows everything, in fact she doesn't know anything.....
Within my circle of friends, most of them had a miscarriage once... Why is it so common nowadays?? Maybe it's the environment, maybe it's the food we eat or maybe in the olden days, people don't have forums like this for us to share, everything is kept to themselves so not many people will know.... All these are possiblities....
No one wants this to happen, especially us... I'm dragging 28th Sept 2008 cos that was going to be my EDD... The child I so badly wanted....
Most importantly, your hubby must give you the support...
 
hi guys...
its advisable for us to avoid bird nest first after our MC, preferably to take 1 mth or 40 days from d date we did our D & C. its too liang, so better dont take now.

hi piyo, sice u r TTC now, do u still take DOM? Our MC has nearly passed one mth, have u started taking cold drinks or seafood stuff? I taking warm water when I am at work, after work I take those brewed soup or logan tea. btw, mi also thinking of TTC, but guess I will hold on a while n c how. my first AF also have not reported.
 
jappoh, yr boy is so cute. btw, guess we r similar in some way...just wan to share my boy is also looking forward to a mei mei. nowdays, when he is out with us n sees a bb, whether male or female, he will tell mi n hubby that he wants mei mei. furthermore, he sayang my stomach n kp toking to mei mei. Haiz, when i see it i feel a bit sad. think he still doesnt understand mei mei is no longer there.
 
sheryl....not too sure if consider as officially TTC cos we BD once w/o protection which i would be will be super duper lucky if can strike esp AF have not resume....wif dat in mind....im still on DOM probably untill AF resume...take it as regular supplement...

im back on seafood & cold drinks oreadi abt last week which is abt 3 weeks post D&C....have bot sum pre-packed herbs for making herbal soup e.g. ginseng chicken soup as out usual dinner soup....=)

porky...guess ur in law belong to the 'old school of thoughts'....juz ignore her remarks thou i noe it's easier said than done but getting all upset isnt going to be kind to ur health as well as helpful to further TTC plans....let the words go in from left to right ear ba....=D
 
Hi Porky,

just to share my story with u. My MIL is those woman that is se easy to have baby. That goes same as my SIL. She abort her 3 baby cos she is unmarried.

My MIL keep asking me that why i do not wan to give birth to the 2nd bb. In my heart i am trying very hard. Lucky is i can talk to my MIL cos she help me to take care of my boy and staying with us.. So anything i talk to her straight and not pass msg by my hubby. SO i day i told her abt our problem that we cant have bb so easy. Cos my boy we also try for 1.5yrs. Our problem is my mense is so irregular + my hubby also have abnormal sperm. Which is only 1% good. Normal ppl should have 4% or more. So when she kwn we have 2nd one she is very happy. When my miscarriage happen, she keep asking me to take DOM.

B4 we start to communicate 2 yrs ago when i doing my confinment when i give birth to my boy, we have many conflict one.. So it take time for us to build up the relationship.

So take it easy now.. If u find that u cant communicate with your MIL just ingnore her.. Dun be upset.. COs last time i also like u very upset with my MIL comments and hide in teh rm to cry.

Hi Sheryl,
think we are in the same suitation. How old is your boy now? My boy is turing 25mths tomorrow.
 
hi porky..i m still on longan red date tea till today...i brewed it overnight, then the next morning transfer it to vacuum flask to keep in warm and bring it to work. I even bring it out when i have my meals outside. I went to see Eu Yan Sang TCM last saturday..and told her i just had a mc. she gave me some medication for 1 wk, she said is to clear the remaining blood in the womb 1st..after that need to go back and see her again. The medicine is those powder type, just mix with water and drink..but very awful taste.

hi cynthia..me still having spotting leh till today...light brown spots..a bit worrying also. Could it be becoz i didnt "bu" my body well after the mc, tat's why it took so long to clear those bloods. Now taking tcm, hopefully the stain will clear soon..
 
hi jappooh, i also do understand some ppl can get pregnant very easily and smooth till their full term. thats why my MIL keep saying she also give birth at a later age but seems to have no problem at all...i also stay with my MIL now (FIL not around le), but i cant always hide inside my room as she dont like loh. she will complain to my hb that i very ba(1)pai(1)...when i sit in the living room, she will try to talk to me...and ask me whether my bleeding stops already or not...then she say if we TTC again, dont anyhow eat things or shift things around the house...seems like she still have the thot that i wan to kill her grandchild next time...

hi shirley, so u still continue with the red dates longan tea lah. i think i will also do that and bring the vaccum flask to office to drink loh. btw, is it very costly to see yu ren sheng TCM ?
 
hi porky..the yu ren sheng consultation fees is $12, then the medicine is $7 per day, havent include gst yet. the doc gives me medicine for 7 day...i think my total fees ard $60++. Not sure abt others tcm, as i never seen one b4..ur spottong has stop completely also?

ur mil may sound a bit mean..maybe she's just over protective, demanding from her son..that's why. I used to stay with my mil also...but later she passed away due to cancer. I didnt get along well with her also..as my hubby is her only son..so she is very very possesive. Cant stand her also..so most of the time i will be inside my room. So, now only my fil is staying with us..but he also very bochap one..we very seldom communicate also. But one good thing is that, at least someone can take care of u when u doing confinement, at least she still provide advice and cooks for u..unlike me...i still have to do all the cooking and washing myself..as no one is at home to help
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Hi Porky,
take it easy.. Some ppl just wont understand our feeling.. My MIL also say soemthing that i dun like to hear.. Eg: once my boy is playing very rough.. My MIL say that lucky only one if another one how to take care..Then my hubby look at her and she faster say that bb i lose is not meant for us.. We can try harder next time have another one will egt a helper to help look after bb as well so no problem with having 2.

Wat to do?? I can just hear and try to forget loh..
 
Hi Porky,

just to make u feel better.. U knw my PIL and SIL stay with us.. So when my miscarriage happen my fil didnt mention anything thing at all. My MIL mention that maybe my body is weak. That why cant keep the baby.. On the day of my MC she still ask me to go to my hubby cousin baby shower.. I told her i am tired.

My SIL get a good scolding from my hubby when she say "Dun have to cry.. This one dun have liao can have another one..Wan have kid very easy one (Cos she abort 3 of hers)"

Shirley,
my hubby is also the only son.. But my MIL dun dare to bully me cos she knw my hubby will confirm side me one. Cant say my hubby is not good to his parents. He is those very easy gg person. But let he choose he will choose me than his mum one.. So my MIL knw abt that all along..Like when his mum wan to do anything to our hse she will ask me instead of my hubby cos she knw if i say ok then my hubby will be ok with it.
 
Seem like I am very blessed that I can get along with my MIL.I know she mentioned to my hubby" if it's not yours, it is not yours." But at least I know she is very nice to me, she will cook and ask my hubby to bring it back for me to eat, there was once she even took train to deliver to me.

But on the other hand, it's my own grandma that says those nasty remarks to me. And she even broadcast to my relative of my failure. Very hurtful so I can understand how most of you are feeing. My mother even said to me " you go get your MIL to cook for you and do confinement for you." Very upset. (Becos she's not my birth mum) so I cannot get angry with her and understand that she don't me to bother her. In the end my own mum has to travel to & fro everyday to cook for me and clean the house for me. I used to quarrel with my mum very often, but after this incident, I feel grateful and content.
 
The older generation really feels that getting pregnant is really like laying eggs. *Po Po* and out it comes. when my grandma cooks those "cooling" food and I refuse to eat, she will say how come I so weak and so choosy.
My grandma is those traditional woman, favor boys only. So I can understand why my SIL do not want to have bb. No body can take her sarcastism.
 
Hi piyo,
Gd luck n hope to hear gd news fr u. Mi m DH also BD, but with protection. Not sure if I am ready and wana let my body rest more. Mi cant wait to take cold drinks, but my mum told me to avoid seafood and cold drinks for at least 40 days. So, I just heed her advice.

Hi Jappoh,,
Ya, guess we are in the same situation. I also stayed with my in laws. My boy is older than yrs, he is 2.5 yrs now. Hope I can have a bb soon, at least their age gap will be nearer.
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Hi Sheryl,
ya when i knw have already very happy cos the age gap is just nice. In yrs is 2 yrs diff in mth will be close to 3.

So very disappointed and upset.

Jlow,
over all my MIL still treat me quite well. Cos everyday she cook she will choose at least a dish which i like to eat. Cos she say me eat so little (but i fat) so hope the dish make me eat more..haha
 
sheryl...take ur time to get urself prepared & ready....good luck to u too....u are such a good ger or shd i say im such a norti ger....kekeke
 
Hi piyobaby,

if u are notti i am worse cos i didnt do any confinement at all. I took cold drinks after 3 days lei. Bad hor..
 
jappooh, understand how u feel. coz, we r in the same situation. never mind, lets work hard n try again.

piyo, i gt no choice. coz, my mum quite strict with me. wanted to eat curry chicken for lunch just now. called my mum n she says ok. just wana work extra hard for the sake of my health n next bb.
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lets all work hard together n hope baby dust will be on us soon.
 
sheryl....i started eating curry chicken 2 weeks ago le....but it's good for u to be disciplined...recently i was telling hubby dat suddenly i was always on the lookout for herbs & tonics etc...all for the sake of the baby....baby dust baby dust for all....=)
 
Hi ladies!

Just went to see Dr Zou... She gave me some medication to take for 10 days twice a day in powder form. It's to strengthen the womb and when AF come than start acupunture. The cost today is $80 and a lot ttc women see here... Very nice lady and friendly to talk to...
 
Hi Shirley,
I am oso seeing EYS.which branch did u go?I went to the one at Tiong Bahru,she gave me 2weeks medicine & charged me abt $120.

I agree tat the taste is awful.I suffered fr. sore throat twice ever since I took the medicine.I suspect the medicine is too strong for me.I've stopped since I was on antibiotic to cure my sore throat.Today I started the medicine again but only tak it once per day instead of twice.I oso hv pimples breakout after taking the medicine fr 1mth.wat abt u?

hi Porky,
I took a lot of birdnest after d&c.My MIL made bird nest for me.I guess it is not reali tat "liang" as my mum always makes bird nest for my nephews whenever they cough.

I oso took lots of DOM during my 2wk mini confinement.My menses was normal.But the DOM was mixed wf the dishes or soup.

Hi Piyo,
I oso started to look out & try to make tonic for my hb.As i am oredi taking the chinese medicine so I just make for my hb.Besides tat,I oso make sure we tak multi-vit to boost our energy level.

Actuali,making tonic is easy, just buy those ready made herb fr. chinese herb soup & dump everything inside the slow cooker.

Unfortunately,both me & my hb were downed fr.sore throat so hv to postpone ttc to next mth liao....
 
hi shirley, u are right. thats why i never talk back at my MIL before...alto she always talk behind my back or say nasty comments...i still respect her a lot cos she has done a lot for her sons (she bring up 2 sons alone, her hb divorce with her after she give birth to my hb...) last time i stay at her house after married, she does all the housework and i can slept till 12noon during weekends. now she stay with us, she also does all the housework for us. like i say the mistress of my house. hehe. afer my D&C she cooks for me, and even wash my master bedroom toilet for me...i feel bad sometimes...so i also seldom complain to my hb loh.

hi sheryl & piyobaby, u gals already took curry ?? what abt laska ?? i thot cannot eat leh...

hi cynthia, Dr Zou is the one from AMK TCM right ?
 
hi porky,not sure if we cn take curry.bt, i was given e green light by my mum that i can take today, since its been one mth since my last D & C.
 
Hi Shirley: My spotting ended some time back ... Had a bit of yellowish discharge initially but not also stopped... The period of spotting/bleeding varies from person to person... Did you tell the chinese physcian that you are still spotting?

Hi Porky: Yup it's the one from AMK TCM... You can give her a try...
 
avocado...i bot tose pre-packed tonic as well and cooked it as normal soup served for dinner...might not be the best way to cook tonic but at least beta than nothing....

porky...yes i did thou not too sure if it's okie but cant be keeping away for dat long ba....
 
piyo, where did u buy the prepacked tonic? from eu ren sheng? y is the prepacked tonic no gd? shld bu those fresh ones on the shelves?
 
sheryl....it can b found everywhere including off the racks of supermarket....bot mine from the new chain of medical shop ZTP or sumthg....always have the feel dat prepacked tonic not as good...duno why too.....fresh ones on the shelves would have to noe the qty to place in the soup....
 
hi avocado..i went to the EYS branch at chinatown. The physician said the medicine she gave me for 1 week is to clear the remains in my womb oh..thereafter, she will give me another dose of medicine to "bu" and "tiao" my body..she also mentioned that my "mai siang" is very weak..dunno wat she means. I only feel very heaty recently, dunno isit due to the longan red date tea i m taking or isit due to the medicine..? heaty till got a bit cough and feel that sore throat is coming...but never come leh. I will be traveling to hk 1 wk later, so wondering if it's ok to temporary stop the medcine?? currently, i also take 2 pkts each time, then twice a day.
 
hi cynthia...my spotting stops completely on monday..then yesterday started to have a bit yellowish discharge..now feel better. coz initially very scared it's becoz my womb is not clean yet, tat's why got discharge. I have resume Bd on sunday...hehe..the chinese physician got ask me all those bleeding etc..how many days..and so on..but the medcine she prescribed seems to use to clear the womb leh...wat abt u? u travelling to hk tomoro right? will u be taking ur medicine also during holiday? have u started consume water? or any other cold drinks? hehe..i also took curry yesterday..no choice..my canteen food is very limited
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hi porky..wish u and ur hubby will have a peaceful life in the coming years..dun worry too much..older generation ppl is alwez luo so one..as long as ur hubby loves u, can liao...hehe.
 
shirley...try to prevent or cure urself from any cough or sore throat b4 going to HK cos heard over the news dat they have a new strain of flu going on in HK which apparently kill a little ger....not too sure will they be abit stricter at the custom clearance ...beta to be one the safe side....=)
 
hi piyobaby...really? wow, i didnt know abt tat..hmm.. when i visited the EYS this weekend, then will ask if i can stop taking the mdecine for a wk when traveling..thanks ya :p
 
hi shirley, ya loh as long my hb dotes on me can liao. i feel happier this way. hehe.

wow so envy u & piyobaby. can resume BD liao. i still abit scared leh. but i will ask Dr Woody this friday whether can BD or not loh. i think my hb also cannot wait liao lah. hahaha.

hi cynthia, enjoy ur trip to HK ! update us when u are back ok
 
Porky when is your appointment? How was it?

Shirley, Have fun in HK and Happy Shopping!!!Share with us when you return from your trip..
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hi gals, is me here again. Is already week 6+ that i still hvnt get my AF after my m/c. I guess sumthing not rite w me..Shd i do sumthing or just wait summore? If i go n see my gynae, what will he does? prescribe med for me to make my AF come? What if i ovulated extremely late n conceived? I m so worry leh.
 


hi juney..not to worry so much 1st...perhaps wait for 2 more weeks. if it didnt come after 8 wks then u may consult ur gynae again. my gynae told me that AF should come 4-6 wks after dnc...but i guess it depends on individual..
 

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