piyo...thanks ... in fact, i dun reslly like to be in tears... cos life too short to be in tears...that's why i always try to look forward... as the light is always in front...when u look back, u only see shadows.. so i think we should all wipe our tears and look forward to our next bb... *hugzzzzzzz* that's why i've decided to be happy... i choose to be happy but that does not mean i won't have my downtime... it's ok to grief... but still, we got to pick ourselves up cos no one but ourselves can pick ourselves up and move forward....=D
aileen, thanks for ur wishes... please feel that u r blessed..at least u got ur hubby by ur side ...right?? i'm sure every ladyin this room is bless to have ur hubby by ur side even though he may not show emotions or not sensitive towards the loss....
well, perhaps to share another part of this story... ladies, tissue out please...hehe...=D nah..it's not that dramatic.. it's just sad history...
fabian was actually the bb i had with my ex... u know, being alone overseas, kind of lonely... so got together with this "wonderful" guy... at tat time, i was in final yr uni... and i was prepared to give up uni for this bb... when my ex found out, he actually asked me to go for abortion... i refused and i actually decided to be a single mom cos this bb was blessed upon me... so no matter how much he persuaded me to go for abortion, i wun hear a word... there came to a pt when he actually accused me of faking my pregnancy.... and i actually had to test on the spot to show him that clearblue don't lie... but sad to say, all these stress and pressure got to me ... on 10th may, the day i'm supposed to see my gynae for checkup, i loss the bb... it was so sudden... i was going alone to the gynae, and just felt something gashed out.. and when i reach her clinic... i was actually bleeding quite heavily... so it was quite an emergency... and when she did the scan... i saw my fabian on the screen.. his shape, his hands and legs forming..and the doc told me it's 8 weeks old...... the heartbeat was very faint and right before my eyes, the heartbeat was gone...just like that... gone... the doc didn't know what happened, i didn't know what happened... she thot the machine broke down...so we went to another room to scan... but only can see the shape of fabian but no more heartbeat...
at that point in time, i totally went blank... so of coz the dNc was done that very day.... i had no choice but to call my ex and tell him before i went for the op... cos the gynae asked if i could get someone to fetch me home cos i will be rather weak... so i called him... and that b******, can tell me why can't i come home myself... i was so shocked and sad with him...but at that time, can't think straight... so just tell him off in a very angry tone... i guess he must be feeling guilty...cos after i came out, i saw him waiting for me...
i guess love is blind.... i forgave him... and was with him for 5 yrs!!! in those 5 yrs, it was terrible... whatever i did, i wear, i eat... anything that i do he will critise... i was actually having depression after my dnc... but he continue to abused me emotionally and mentally... i've tried swallowing lots of pills, tried the wrist slashing, tried the combo of pills and alcohol.... each time, he will just jeer me in my face... and having affairs with other ladies is part of his way to jeer me... and he will tell me, his friends commented that i dressed lousy... or he will tell me, his friends can't believe that i am his gf cos i am not good enough, not pretty enough for him... he also told me his friends can't believe that he choose me as gf cos i'm so fat and ugly... bad skin... no sense in dressing... no make up... etc......i ate a lot, put on a lot of weight cos i was upset everytime he did something to hurt me... i will eat and eat until i was so full up, then i will forced myself to donate whatever i ate to the toilet bowl...
I can't imagine how i managed to stay with him for 5 yrs...
after the op, he just left me alone at home and went out with his friends... so to spite him, i also went out that very nite, went to dance party, had lots of shooters, got myself really drunk for the 1st time in my life... it's really bad for my body... but i didn't care...
i guess, now i'm paying back for not properly taking care of myself after dnc... body is weak like hell... so ladies, please take good care of ur body okie??? do mini confinement... and dun be notti when doing mini confinement... cos it's all for ur own health okie??? auntie here got lots of advice and will nag at u until u listen ...=D
so ladies, appreciate that ur hubby with u, by ur side alright??? when u start to resent ur hubby for not being sensitive, just think of me...=D i'm sure u will appreciate ur hubby more...
although my hubby didn't know abt my past and he dun want to know, he sense that something was not very right ... why i choose my hubby is cause he told me... what past stays in the past... we only have current and future... and he prayed with me together... to take my pain and suffering away....=D that's how hubby got my heart... he touched me...=D
ok... enough of sob sob stories... =D stay happy and positive is the best medicine in the world!!! So ladies, dun give up okie??? and take good care of ur body so that the next time u get pregnant, u know for sure that the pregnancy will go thru smoothly...=D