Support group - Miscarriages

Dear all, did not come on for a few days as hubby had a surgery on Mon, Was on leave to take care of him, so this month I dun wana ttc, cos he has been on a course on antibiotics, I also had some med for my tonsils, so I think I will wait till next month

Sandy, I was at the forum, the TCM part was boring, nothing that we dunno. But the info on IUI and IVF is helpful, and I jus knew that IVF is not as ex as I thought!!

Roxyz, mayb u can try to check with KK fertility unit.

BB08 and Dernema, I also prefer to keep my preg private and confidential until I successfully move into 2nd trimester I jus worry when I strike I cant hide my happiness. Actually during my previous preg, I din wana tell my colleagues, but got 1 stupid client brought her son to our office and he has chicken pox!! So I freaked out and had to get someone to attend to her!!

Also, I had ovarian cyst removed 3 yrs ago, I din know what it was except I found I had a dull pain after BD, and my AF usu have bad cramps, so my gynae checked and found a blood cyst. He suggested removing, or else might get bigger or might affect fertility

And btw, gals, my gynae is quite good, (Dr SH Teoh, Mt E) he is now the visiting consultant at KKH, if anyone would like to have his contact number, pl let me know

BB08, I can see that u are progressing well, keep it up !!

Stefie, Michelle, Jowie, take gd care build your health then try again, dun give up!!

Also I understand that warm water is the water most easily absorbed by our body, so perhaps can drink water warm then cold, esp these few days the weather is cooler Take care, all!!

HUGZ!!
 


Jowie,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Do cry out your unhappiness. All of us here have gone through our periods of grieving. I hope writing out your feelings is an outlet for your overwhelming emotions. But there's still hope okie. Let's all gear our bodies for future planning.
 
xuanting:
There's alot of truth in your words - that life is so vulnerable. I've taken things for granted when I was preggie with my first. It takes me this DC to be more appreciative of life. My gynae said 1st & 2nd MCs are not of any medical concern but accidents of nature. So my hope is very much boosted.

bb08:
I can understand how horrible u feel working with such a supervisor. I used to have one mean and selfish one until I got myself transferred to another school. U may wanna consider switching departments or job.
 
hi michelle, thanks for the info. it'll serve as a guide for comparison when i start looking around.
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interesting question... haven't spoken to a tcm practitioner abt this but let me share what i've read here. perhaps hot drinks don't warm the uterus per se but they're easier on the digestive system which in turn is supported by different organs in the tcm sense (like liver, kidney, spleen etc). so if you were already suffering from a deficiency in one of these organs, the cold drink in your stomach will be extra burdensome on whichever organ is supporting the digestive function, thus weakening it further. i guess tcm reads miscarriages as the result of certain deficiencies to begin with, thus the warning to avoid cold drinks in order to avoid further depleting the energy in those organs. there's a lot of inter-relation among these organs where deficiency/over abundance in one affects another. it is like a very delicate balance to keep.

as for hot drinks warming the uterus, i'm not sure if the association might have been made up through imagination and a bit of hearsay, ie drink hot water into stomach, keep abdomen area warm generally, but perhaps there is some truth to it cos in a way, hot drinks do keep us warm overall on a cold day. one thing i often read in tcm articles is the need to keep the uterus area warm and this can be done by pressing a heat pad on the area. i'll see my tcm physician next week so will ask and get it straight from the expert and report back!
 
hi all gals
Thanks for everyone's advice on the IUI. But heard it is painful... so we have decided to try for a few more months before deciding to go for IUI. Now seeing a TCM to tio my body coz been having slight bleeding for 2 weeks.. he said Im quite weak as no "qi" and too "hot" hopefully he can treat me back to normal


Love you all too gals!!!
 
Hi Irene
Ya...finally able to get it over after 4 enduring weeks...now anxiously for my first AF to come...thanks to all the lovely ladies' support and advice...

xuanting, cookie
currently still taking my part-time degree program, so will wait til i finish the course (this dec) then decide...today the girl asked me to carry one item which is around 80kg with another man...she said although i looked weak but i can still do it...almost wanted to give in but i thought, "No, this is my body and i need to take care at least till my first AF finish". So i objected and she was stunned...then she got no choice but to carry it and was grumbling.."although i looked strong, i am actually very weak..."

such an irony i thought... who was the one who just had an operation...and she was bigger size than me...I am too stupid in the past to listen to her order as i thought she is my senior(1 year) and i respect her...but after the last incident, i feel she's taking advantage of me and dun care abt me at all...since she dun respect me, i shall do the same...so i decided to ignore and refuse any of her unreasonable request...

roxyz
my sinseh also told me i got no 'qi' and my heart is quite weak... so he gave me some pills which contains some 'beiqi'...

gals,
i got a bad cold a few days back and there's a few times when i sneeze, i felt a sharp pain at the lower left of my abdominal... the doc says it might be due to some muscle stretch... today when i went back to work, i got some stomach pain too ( not stomach ache huh)... dunno whether is it cramp or not? anyone experience this after abt 4weeks of the operation?
 
bb08, 80kg is madness!!! isn't there a trolley in your office? although it's been a few weeks, i really don't think you should be exerting yourself like that. does your supervisor actually know what you just went through?

i had these little twinges to the side of my abdomen a few weeks after the mc too. not quite the same as menstrual cramps (and not time yet). but they were bearable and not too frequent so i just waited for them to go away on their own. are your cramps anything like menstrual cramps? 4 weeks is about time for first af le.
 
xuanting
cos we need to put the item inside the box that's why we dun need the trolley...my sinseh advise me not to do anything within these 6weeks and my gynae told me to wait at least until my first AF is over.

My supervisor does not know this as i dun want to bring it to his attention..but he's really good to me... he even brief my colleagues not to call and disturb me while i'm on mc... on the other hand, my in-charge was saying things like," are you sick or you still dun want to work?".
So sickening, rite?

the pain are bearable but sometimes i need to sit down and pull myself forward position...me didn't experience menstrual cramps before so dun really know leh...but having yellow discharge again...is it normal? The last time i visited my gynae and he's like quite worried and gave me some virgina wash...but i still haven't use it yet, abit afraid to use le...
 
Hi Nickel

Till date no sign of AF, will take it easy till it come as the more we look forward for it to come it wont come lor.. arghhhh!! My brown discharge stop after 2weeks of my induced labour. Till date still have white discharge.. I am all ready to go back to work as i guess can find myself back faster. Will keep u posted if my AF come... you keep me posted too.

Hi Gals

Being having cold weather recently and is very good to "bu".. so eat as much bu now as is good.
 
I am feeling much better now. Life still goes on.

Body also recovers quite fast.

Now i feel guilty of taking another 1 weeks Medical Leave, getting worried about my office work. I think just relax and take the well-deserved break.

Whole day just laying in bed watching korean series. Lunch will be either vingear pork with rice, if not stirred fried ginger pork, plus whole day drink red date tea. My skin gets better (was having very bad skin when pregnant), hair very shiny, my belly size reduced quite a fair bit. I just take it as good sign,

Today hubby needs to work whole day, his office biz picking-up.

Borrowed some books on miscarriage and prevention of miscarriage.

Now am taking things really easy. If i am fated to have bay, then i would have. If not with my 2 lovely dogs or maybe be god-parents why not.

Life will not stop for me cos i lost a baby. These few days weather makes me feel, god is also upset about my lost.

Thanks all again
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Jia you!!! Don't give up
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hey ladies..

Do take care of yourself as we brace for the wet and cold weather..

Just watched KNOCKED UP (movie).. was rather emo at some point of the movie when they were doing a scan on the mother. Remembered the first time when i saw bb in my tummy.. sigh.

And to side-track.. wonder if i can get 4days leave from my gynae to go on Maldives trip in Oct. WOOPS T_T it's been exactly 9mths since i lost bb..
 
Hi ladies,

I have not sign in for a while. Becos i m/c in Feb and then did lap and discover endo. Was on 4 monthly jab and recently had last jab in end Jun.

Feeling very upset about myself now becos just heard sis-in-law is 2 mths preggie. I am very happy for her but felt useless myself. Although i have been telling myself to be strong as well as encouraging others, can't help but feel down. Sorry abt this ladies, this is the only place where i can rumble and people understands.
 
hi rest relax, i was pregnant earlier than sis in law by a month.. in the end, she gave birth but i didn't. So you are not the only one. I had to watch her tummy grow big and now they fuss over the baby at my mother in law's place over weekends. really a torture. I don't have a bond with that baby, seriously. Not that i dislike him (all babies are cute), but i just cannot bring myself to play with him like a normal kid.. not sure why too.

I am currently in my 4th month of pregnancy and twins are doing ok. They have started kicking. It is a torture this period cos i lost the previous one during this time. The only sign that makes me feel assured is their kicking now.
 
xbliss,
stay happy and dun worry abt it ok?
mood will affect bbs in ur tummy... eat healthy and can do pre-natal yogo to keep u occupy... we'll all pray for u!
 
hi ladies
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how's weekend? i spent the last days overseas..feel more re-charged
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i read someone asking abt yellow discharge..sorrie cant remember who cos so many posts
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i told my gynea last week abt my yellow discharge too...he did a swap test for me to see if the discharge needs medical attention..if it doesnt, then it is ok to ignore it..if it does, then he will issue medicine. maybe if the discharge bothers you too much, can go for a test too..
 
xbliss:
I know how it feels to be preg again, i'd also feel the same if i preg again. Try to be as positive as u can. Recently, i've been quite hard up to get preg, but gynae said better to rest until late september. Such a long wait... sigh.

Rest relax:
So your endo cleared? My ex-colleague had endo and had a baby successfully. Dun give up.

Stefie:
Gd to hear u've recovered fast. Let's jiayou for our turn to ttc.

bb08:
I also have aches on my left side of lower abdomen. But i think it's more likely i strain my muscles. Dun think it's got anything to do with DC. This colleague of yours is very mean leh, know u had op still make u carry heavy things. Stand your ground, u did the right thing.
 
xbliss,
me also have the same feeling like u, i seldom play with my sis-in law bb,coz it make me thing of the MC. But now, i feeling more ok liao, life back to normal, try nt to think too much, and stay happy..

ladies,

after resigned from my work and stay at home now, feeling better and relax..but sometime abit boring..
 
hi angela, how did your first day back at work go? hope it went well.
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hi xbliss, must try to distract yourself. don't count the days! jia1 you2.
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apple,
i think will nt say concentrate on ttc, just have a break..hihi..
ladies,
me n HB got try this month, but just now i eat fish , at first i don know the name of the fish, but after i saw the label on the plastic bag, it shown "shark"..i quite worried now. this is the first time i ate this kind of fish. i read from website,the mercury level are very very high.worried now.i ate abt the size of my palm.I bought tis fish cause i saw someone bought it and it is easy to cook.
 
hallo gals, i have also been through a m/c myself in Jul 06...one year has passed..how fast..I'm still working hard on the TTC journey..still waiting for another BFP day to come =)...anyway just want to tell u all to take good care of your health..after since my m/c ..i have been getting exremely bad cramps on 1st/2nd day of AF....even one yr later like now..i still hv the cramps..luckily it's getting less painful as before..maybe due to bai feng wan that i've been taking for the past two mths..for those experiencing the same thing as me can consider taking these pills...and also...i also "excused" myself for a couple of relatives' gathering and CNY visiting..if u don't feel like going, just don't go..dat's wat i did..
 
Hi Piggy mummy,

Don't worry about consuming shark. It is fine if you do not consume it more than once or twice a month. It is the cumulative amount of mercury that matters so do not stress yourself over it.

Are you interested in becoming a volunteer? I am a parent volunteer at CCF. There is no fixed schedule and they are very flexible. Let me know if you are keen.

Take care and enjoy being a tai-tai!
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hi ladies, thank you so much for the kind thoughts and prayers! While i am reading through this page, the twins seem to be taking turns to do their karate kicks, although low intensity cos only 17 wks.

like what xuanting says, i must distract myself else i think i will really go crazy thinking about the negative things. Good thing i am workaholic so i tend to be overbusy at work.

piggy_mummy, it's a sad feeling for me when i can't bond with babies.. i always thought i could play very well with them.. but i have a totally different feel for all of them, esp my sis in law. makes me wonder how i'll respond to the twins when they are born. got a bit of fear.

Sigh.. terrible journey to go through. I was telling hubby if we make it, i'm prepared to temporary close shop. Cannot take it mentally. Maybe if we think we want more kids in future then ttc again, if not, can close shop permanently.

Usually we need to eat a lot of the fish high in mercury before there's effect right? Don't worry too much. BUt i would say, eat whatever you want to eat before you get pregnant again. Last pregnancy, i was craving so much for sashimi that i gave in... dunnno if that affected the pregnancy, but i don't even dare touch one small piece now. I made sure i ate plenty before i ttc until now i got no craving for it.
 
rest_relax
I understand how you feel when you know your sis-in-law is pregnant...just like today i found out a colleague of mine also pregnant...its a mixed feeling as you feel happy for her but sad for yourself... i also blame myself for being so useless...but i still think this is an experience for us to go thru...the harder it is, the stronger we will be...

applemuffin
its me who is having the yellow discharge...dun dare to tell my gynae as he might #@*^*$(&#... I'm still on my TCM medication...haa...


Gals
today is exactly 4 weeks of the operation...got slight spotting...but dunno is it my 1st AF...but anyway i've wear a pad and hoping to see some good news tmr...
 
xbliss
workaholic also not good for your health...must rest more since you are having twins...

I'm more worse than you, i cannot bond with any babies or children...cos i dunno how to baby talk and make funny faces...but i think our own babies will be different cos we'll be spending most of the time with them...
 
piggymom,
paiseh to be so kaypoh, but were u actively ttc this month? me n hb also started but not actively only bd on CD7, CD13 and CD14...temp still low at 36.36...today is CD16 liao..not sure if it is too late to BD some more..hehe...
 
Hello xuanting

First day of work is ok.. of cos do have some tackless people around but i just ignore and dun tink their remarks so hard. Currently is off-peak season now so pretty quiet and free in office so abit boring. At leasta t home i can watch TV, here.. i just surf net lor.. :p

AF still no sign yet... MC on the 28Jun so till date oredi 34days.. having crampy feeling on and off but after taking my temp, i tink AF wont show so soon as the temp for me is still high. Also still have white discharge.. so think will be a while wait...
 
angela,

good to have u back at work
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chat with me if bored..

no worries abt yr AF, should come soon...
any advice to my above question posed under bblovemeerebus? couldnt get in for a while, so login as another ID..
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Hello apple

I think somex we oso O quite late like CD21-22 so no harm to BD. In fact is very hard for me to answer your ? as i dun actually follow temp and dates.. only time i take temp is to see my AF coming... :p
 
thanks angela
maybe will BD somemore..
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I find myself quite lazy to chart bbt this round..taking temp on/off days...maybe chart more seriously next month..
 
Hi ladies,
It is very comforting to read this thread..it sure is tough sharing with frens who dun really understand the complex feelings we go thru.

Let me intro myself...just a week ago,i was worrily 9 weeks pregnant as we were told by gynae tat our baby has a weak heartbeat at week 8. ...little did we know it is the day we have to say bye to our little one.

Was told the little one is no longer in the sac and was told I have to go thru a D&C (a op to wash out) either on same day or we can wait for a while. But we decided we may as well do it on the actual day as it was already agonizing enuf..wat more to prolong the emotional pain and come back to the clinic again..

It was hard to accept as a week ago we were told baby has a weak heartbeat..it was already very worrying..n within a week,we have to deal with this..

It was very painful n it took me a full week before i have the courage to post this to share with u ladies..last week has been very tough.

Altho my frens were very supportive in praying,cooking nutritious stuff for me,but the grief in my heart is still there..

I keep telling myself to be strong but it still hurts.Hate it when others tell me "you are still young,you can always try again!" I knw others mean well when they say that,i so wanna tell them "yes i knw i m fertile,u dun need to tell me tat i can always get another baby!I m sad tat i have lost my little one and another baby will not make the grief go away!So stop saying tat!!!!"

My frens,my heart is still very painful but i have to put on a strong front as i dun wanna burden others around me in comforting me...

Some days i m oki..but others i can still feel the pain..
 
HI PJ
We all understand how you are feeling right now. My case is exactly the same as oyurs.. week 7 = weak heartbeat and week 8 = stopped. It was a very agonising 1 week wait for us then. This happened end Mar. Till now, I still cannot stop blaming myself for being useless. If you are feeling down, please come in here to talk or "rant" coz we understand your feelings and it is good to have a listening ear. You take good care of yourself and "bu" well k?
 
Hi PJ

Yes no can understand how we feel deep inside unless they went thru the same path as us.. For you to feel tat is very normal and in fact i not even hate other that try to console me, at the same time i hate myself also. Honestly is a tough path ahead as is never easy mentally.. i still missing my bb so much and they "why" is still in my head playing jokes on me. Do whatever that make you feel beta.. I had 3 MC and 2 was induced at week 17 and 21.. one is boy and one is girl and i buy something for them to keep so i can always take out and see when i misses them.

We shall all look forward and tomorrow will be beta
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Michelle Wright,

is CCF stand for child care foundation?what do we need to do as a volunteer?

applemuffin,
we din actively ttc, only BD on two alternate day i got discharge..i din track down the temperature, feel abit troublesome n stressful, so we let BD naturally...hihi
 
PJ, sorry abt your loss..no amount of words said will help you...time is the best healer..take care girlie..

Piggymom & Angela,
I wish i can BD alternate day, but we are those BD-lazy type of couple. B4 we embark on this ttc journey, we could go w/o BD for months..but luckily, we dont feel that we are missing something or not loving each other...
Guess if I hope to have a BB soon, we gotta work harder
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Again, i am quite fearful of the outcome...so...maybe let it be lah...
 
Piggy Mummy,

CCF is Children's Cancer Foundation.

There are many things you can volunteer to do, for example:

- spend time with the cancer child or children in the hospital (KKH and NUH where there are CCF offices) by reading, playing with them, etc.

- organise parties held in the cancer wards, CCF office, etc.

- organise or get sponsors for presents for special occasions (e.g. Christmas, Children's Day, etc.)

Personally, I have matured a great deal interacting with the kids and their families. My outlook in life has changed - to see innocent kids suffer (and some losing their battles) has made me rethink many things. One thing for sure, I would rather have a healthy baby than to bring a child into this world to suffer.
 
PJ
We can understand the emotions you are going thru...it really felt awful that we lost the little one...we keep on thinking, "why me, why me...? What have i done wrong to deserve this?" No matter how other ppl are consoling us, we will get back to the same question again.

However, after this incident, we have learnt alot of things too...personally, i've learnt to treasure what i have...and to take care of my health...I've started to take vitamins, ginseng and some tcm pills which i thought it was unnecessary in the first place...

The ladies here are good listeners and advisors...do come here if you need a listening ear or some advice....take care
 
Michelle
I admire you for being a volunteer...as i think volunteers are so great (wei3 ta4) especially one in singapore... me cannot afford the time and strength as there seems to be alot of things to do such as working, studying, doing housework, meeting up with friends and families.
Salute to you once again.

Ladies
My first AF is here....never been so happy to have AF before...although its a bit crampy, i just love it...

Btw, if i have very slight spotting ( maybe just a few drops) last nite, and the actual big flow is today, then which is considered the 1st day of AF? Yesterday or today?

Angela
Your AF will come soon, as i also have some discharge a few days ago...

Applemuffin
BD on alternate days? Your hubby must be very happy...heard ppl says that prawns, sotong, oyster and turtle soup would help man in this area...so you know what to do lah...
 
Xbliss dear,

take care. Don't worry too much. It is a blessing to be pregnant, some more with 2 BB.

Don't over work, must take care.

PJ dear,

sorry about your lost. I lost mine last week.
Must take care of your health. Rest well.

Till now, i still not comfortable switching on my phone. Cos i don't want to talk to my colleague yet. Next tue going back office. Sian, hope people are sensitive enough not to ask too much questions.

Today had another bad news, my aunty (My father's sis) just passed away . Cos of pantang, I can't go to her wake. It seems like life is very fragile. You never know what will happen tomorrow. Live today like there's no tomorrow.

Nothing worst can come to us, seems we experience lost. Just Jia you!!!

Take care all
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Hi bb08,

I must confess that I haven't been very active in CCF this year. The few kids and their families which I got close to have lost their battles with cancer. I got very emotional (many many more times than my own recent miscarriage) when the first kid I got to know passed away. It took me 6 months to get over it. It was his 2nd anniversary earlier this month. Having seen so many children suffer (esp those in ICU with tubes all over and parents not able to cuddle them) has made me rethink life. In a way, it is a blessing in disguise that my foetus decided to self abort cos I think she would have health problems had she survived. If you see these kids suffer, I think most of you (if not all) would agree that you would rather not have had the child in the first place. Seeing a child in a coffin is infinitely worse than having a miscarriage. Even my husband broke down when he saw a 19 month-old in a coffin.

What happened to all of us here is by random chance. No one is to be blamed. The best thing to do is to look forward and focus on the future.
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Hi Applemuffin,

I tried to chart my bbt during my first pregnancy and gave up after a month. The readings were inconsistent. Sometimes, I would forget and get out of bed before sticking the thermometer in! Apparently, we need to lay in bed and take our temperature when we first wake up. I find using the mucous method more reliable.

My AF lasts almost two weeks and my cycle is about 5 weeks so I ovulate quite late (around Day 20 or so).

Sperm is most potent every 48 hours so it is best to BD every alternate day and for two consecutive days after day of ovulation.

Good luck! Hope to hear good news from you soon!
 
Stefie
I'm sorry to hear that... life is indeed fragile...after the MC experience, it taught me to treasure ppl around me...especially my mom and hubby... my mom who have took good care of me during my weakest period...and not to pick up a quarel with my hubby unnecessarily.

Michelle
So 'ke lian'... i've never see such scenario before...I'll definitely break down if i'm there...and yes, i will have the phobia too...
 


hi angela, just enjoy the lull in the office before things roll in fast and furious when the peak season comes ba.
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hi pj, do come in here and chat whenever u feel overwhelmed by your emotions. we're all at different stages of recovery/ttc here and we help one another cope along the way.
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hi michelle, i admire what you've been doing for the ccf kids. it's not easy watching a little one waste away day by day. i've been thinking of doing some volunteer work for the spca but have been putting it off for the longest time. think it's time i submit that dog-eared application that's been sitting on my desk.
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thanks for your positive presence!

bb08, try to take things in your stride and plan more after-work activities so you always have something nice to look forward to after work. tell yourself 'thank goodness she is not my relative'!!! once you complete your studies and find something else, you're out of there!

cookie, remember to eat well.
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