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SINGLE MOM needs advice in child maintenance!

Discussion in 'Year 2017 Mums' started by chennie, May 15, 2017.

  1. chennie

    chennie New Member

    Hello, i am new to this forum. I was hoping to engage with single mums and fellow moms in Singapore.
    I am officially a single mother, 26 yrs old, currently my son is 2 months old.
    I am non-Singaporean and the father of my illegitimate child is a Singaporean.

    Heres my story:
    Met him January 2016. Since i am residing and working abroad (sorry this part is abit private; but its just within Asia) I often fly to Singapore to see him and spend time with him during my off days or holidays. Before we met for the first time in Singapore, we have been communicating via phone, whatsapp, etc. Basically we have been sharing things together like work family and so on. I thought we clicked. Until one day, on July 2016. I found out Im pregnant. Im shocked and somehow worried and not ready for this pregnancy. I decided to surprise him telling the news and hope to see what he thinks of this unborn baby...so I flew to Singapore. Fast forward abit my story --> I told him im pregnant. he went silent and He walked out on me. texted called him did not respond back to me. I left singapore without him saying goodbye or even at least see him. that was the last time i saw him. i came home i cried. i didnt know what to do. and didnt know how to tell my parents my coworkers my boss and my close friends!
    August 2016 - i received a call from him after one month of disappearance!! i was really angry and disappointed after we talked. he told me hes not ready for this baby and he said hes gonna get married!!! WT**** all this time i thought hes single and CLAIMING hes single! we even dated and shared our personal lives! i just felt betrayed~
    September 2016 - he got married to a woman apparently hes been in a relationship for 5 years!!

    I no longer in contact with him and he blocked me everywhere. i assume he doesnt want to do anything for my child. and i also found out that now the wife is 4 months pregnant! i just dont understand it. i tried contacting him recently and he said the baby is never his! i demanded a DNA test but he refused!

    all i want is to prove to him that hes the father. but for the best interest of my baby the father needs to have the obligation to support my child.

    so i need your help, i will be flying to singapore soon to find some lawyer to help me go through this sh**. to do Paternity DNA test and child support. If anyone can recommend me some good child maintenance lawyer i really appreciate it!


    *betrayed single mom*

  2. CHH_Mummy

    CHH_Mummy Active Member

    Hey Chennie, sorry to hear this. Stay strong for your baby. It may be hard but I know a few single mums and they have never regretted bringing their children into this world. I hope you've told your parents and close friends about it as emotional support is very important right now. Your family and friends will try to give you advice and it may be overwhelming... so listen to your heart. I'm sure you'll be able to pull through being a single mum.

    Regardless of whether he was already married or single when you both were dating, you do have the legal right to get child support in Singapore as long as you can prove that he is the father. I'm not sure if this works the same way for foreigners but your lawyer will be able to advise you on this. He has to be responsible and accountable for his actions.

    I also believe that his current wife should know about this as it's quite telling what kind of person he is. But I will not recommend you going directly to his wife... many will be in denial and believe their husbands instead. So go through the legal process in an above-board manner, hold your integrity high and let your lawyer help you. If he ends up paying child support or going to court, his wife will eventually know about it and she will have to face the facts.

    Good luck, let us know how it goes!
  3. CHH_Mummy

    CHH_Mummy Active Member

    By the way, I'm not sure about your budget but if you can afford it, Rajah and Tann is a good law firm. You can Google them. We've used lawyers from that firm to help with personal family financial matters like drawing of will, drawing up statements and valuations of estates, etc. I am not sure how experienced they are with cases like yours though. No harm making a call to check.
  4. chennie

    chennie New Member

    thanks for your advice :') at what range do they charge for my case u think? i dont really know how much laywers charge hmmm
  5. Lynn Toh

    Lynn Toh New Member

    Your story made me so sad, but I hope all things will be well soon. I admire your strength and determination. Take care of your child, he is a treasure! You can get through with all of this.
  6. chennie

    chennie New Member

    thank u v much dear :')
  7. CHH_Mummy

    CHH_Mummy Active Member

    I'm really not sure. A lot also depends on how cooperative the man is. If he isn't very cooperative, then your lawyer will need to spend more time applying for court documents to force him to provide his DNA and things like that... and the more time your lawyer spends, the more money you will incur.

    I'm also not sure if you are able to get him to pay for your lawyer's fees. Although I believe that if you win the case after suing him for child support, he should be partly liable for it - check with your lawyer on this before going ahead to engage him.

    It's a long and tiring process. You have to stay positive to go through this along with your pregnancy. If you do intend to go ahead to sue him for child support, I suggest that you always keep in mind that your main focus is on your pregnancy and taking care of yourself and the baby... then treat this lawsuit as something you've chosen to do but don't put pressure on yourself about it.

    Just to give you an indication, depending on which law firm you go to... a smooth divorce in Singapore (meaning both parties agree to it with no lapse in the process) costs an average of $2,300 based on a friend who has gone through a divorce recently.

    When my family got a lawyer from Rajah and Tann to draft an authorization letter some years ago to execute splitting of estates, and also to legally list and gather all family estates' info, it cost us about $8,000. So for a case like yours, it may be 5-digits.
  8. CHH_Mummy

    CHH_Mummy Active Member

    On another note, there are lawyers who act pro bono (meaning they will represent you for free) if your case desperately needs help but you have no money for lawsuits. Say, if you go to the Women's Charter for help and they deem your case an important one. However I don't know where else you can find these lawyers in Singapore, especially if you're a foreigner. :(
  9. Hybridxfinery

    Hybridxfinery New Member

    Hi Chennie
    My situation is very similar to yours. I got pregnant in aug, 2016. Gave birth to a wonderful baby girl on april 2017. Father of baby left me after my first trimester. And dispute paternity as well.
    How are things for you?

    Fellow mummy


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