He says he needs to work hard to earn money and gives every possible excuse why he can't help out taking care of the baby that much or giving me attention and time as he needs to go out and work. Yet stays up late playing computer games and can't get up early the next morning. Everyday waking him up is a tedious task and if I don't wake him up, he sleeps till late noon and says he has to drive late to earn money so can't come home earlier to help care for our child.
So earlier in the evening he tells me he needs to work hard tomorrow to earn incentive. I told him then he has to wake up early.
When we got home he said he would play one game then come to bed. However quite some time later and he is still on the computer. I then went over and casually ask him what time he is coming to bed with a smile. He says in awhile and I just say okay and walk off.
Soon later he comes to the room and tells me not to ever ask such a question again as it irritates him as it is nagging and controlling his sleeping time. He told me that he will sleep whatever time he wishes and it is in a way none of my business.
I explained to him that I wasn't nagging but just casually asking and mentioned that whenever I sleep late, he would ask me the same thing. He said it's because I would wake up late and be late and then get moody and take it out on him which never happened at all. I told him that was never the case. He then retorted if he wakes up late, there is no implication on me.
I shared that every morning it's tough for me to wake him up as he needs to help send baby to infant care and me to the train station. He told me that he can send baby himself if that's the case. I told him that even when baby cries, he can't even get up. He then said if baby cries long and hard enough, he would surely wake up and upon hearing that as a mother, I would not want to put my child to subject to that. I then said okay let's try that since he said he is willing to do anything so I don't control his sleeping time.
Feeling accused, I told him I rarely ask such questions. In fact in our house, I'm not allowed to ask almost anything at all as he will get angry and say abusive things. I clarified that I wasn't controlling or nagging.
As a wife I can't even ask my husband what time might he be coming to bed. He just tells me that he lets no one control anything about him and he will just do as he pleases so just shut up and go away. That's what he keeps repeating in our marriage. Even when I want to talk calmly about issues, he will try to shut me up and tell me to drop it and get lost. For this case he said that if I want to continue asking such questions then he will just not answer.
The funny thing is he says he don't let anyone control him yet when other people ask such question or give him advice etc, he is more receptive and will listen or answer. I told him that it's only me that he treats this way and that I'm not a maid in the house where he just instructs me not to say or do things or that I can't even ask such basic questions. I always genuinely want to solve our issues but he just tries to shut me up saying we can never agree. No one in his life is able to communicate with him. As long as he don't see your point, you are wrong as he is always right. He makes me out as such an unreasonable and nagging wife but I rarely ask any questions or say anything as I know in the house, I'm just not supposed to.
However I'm questioning the whole situation now as it doesn't feel like a relationship at all. It feels as if just one person wants to live life as he pleases and does anything he wants infront and behind my back and just have the status of being a father and husband. In other words not be accountable for anything. All the counsellors I've spoken to has told me such a person is not ready for marriage or maybe will never be as there simply is no accountability. Constantly lying and using anger to divert his wrong on his partner, that's the kind of person he is.
In such a situation, what should be done or what's the best course of action? Also is anyone also experiencing the same? Asking such a question and not even telling him to come to bed is really nagging and controlling? What then can a wife ask her husband at home or should she just keep quiet and just do her wife duties everyday but somehow that doesn't feel right?
So earlier in the evening he tells me he needs to work hard tomorrow to earn incentive. I told him then he has to wake up early.
When we got home he said he would play one game then come to bed. However quite some time later and he is still on the computer. I then went over and casually ask him what time he is coming to bed with a smile. He says in awhile and I just say okay and walk off.
Soon later he comes to the room and tells me not to ever ask such a question again as it irritates him as it is nagging and controlling his sleeping time. He told me that he will sleep whatever time he wishes and it is in a way none of my business.
I explained to him that I wasn't nagging but just casually asking and mentioned that whenever I sleep late, he would ask me the same thing. He said it's because I would wake up late and be late and then get moody and take it out on him which never happened at all. I told him that was never the case. He then retorted if he wakes up late, there is no implication on me.
I shared that every morning it's tough for me to wake him up as he needs to help send baby to infant care and me to the train station. He told me that he can send baby himself if that's the case. I told him that even when baby cries, he can't even get up. He then said if baby cries long and hard enough, he would surely wake up and upon hearing that as a mother, I would not want to put my child to subject to that. I then said okay let's try that since he said he is willing to do anything so I don't control his sleeping time.
Feeling accused, I told him I rarely ask such questions. In fact in our house, I'm not allowed to ask almost anything at all as he will get angry and say abusive things. I clarified that I wasn't controlling or nagging.
As a wife I can't even ask my husband what time might he be coming to bed. He just tells me that he lets no one control anything about him and he will just do as he pleases so just shut up and go away. That's what he keeps repeating in our marriage. Even when I want to talk calmly about issues, he will try to shut me up and tell me to drop it and get lost. For this case he said that if I want to continue asking such questions then he will just not answer.
The funny thing is he says he don't let anyone control him yet when other people ask such question or give him advice etc, he is more receptive and will listen or answer. I told him that it's only me that he treats this way and that I'm not a maid in the house where he just instructs me not to say or do things or that I can't even ask such basic questions. I always genuinely want to solve our issues but he just tries to shut me up saying we can never agree. No one in his life is able to communicate with him. As long as he don't see your point, you are wrong as he is always right. He makes me out as such an unreasonable and nagging wife but I rarely ask any questions or say anything as I know in the house, I'm just not supposed to.
However I'm questioning the whole situation now as it doesn't feel like a relationship at all. It feels as if just one person wants to live life as he pleases and does anything he wants infront and behind my back and just have the status of being a father and husband. In other words not be accountable for anything. All the counsellors I've spoken to has told me such a person is not ready for marriage or maybe will never be as there simply is no accountability. Constantly lying and using anger to divert his wrong on his partner, that's the kind of person he is.
In such a situation, what should be done or what's the best course of action? Also is anyone also experiencing the same? Asking such a question and not even telling him to come to bed is really nagging and controlling? What then can a wife ask her husband at home or should she just keep quiet and just do her wife duties everyday but somehow that doesn't feel right?
