hi doesithappen,
Just some sharing and thoughts you might consider...
1. perhaps work out the the financial plan as in $$ spend on the new home (renovation and appliances/furniture to buy), child expenditure and monthly bills and expenses e.g. pub bill, hp bill, t &C bill, internet bill and groceries, monthly savings e.g. couple savings, child savings, top up CDA, renovation savings. with these plan, at least your hubby know how hard he needs to work as in take up OT.
2. Ensure home is neat and tidy when he return from work
3. child is fed, neat and tidy when he return from work.
4. dinner is ready when he return from work
5. dress up for him e.g. neat hairdo and received him with a smile after work.
6. your child should sleep on a bed/room or get someone babysit child.
7. aromatherapy might helps gets romance back
8. if he is on medication e.g BP medicine, do check with doc the side effect of it or just google the medicine.
9. You might need to rekindle old times days before having baby hehe
10. if he not ready for 2nd baby, prepare protection or tell him you are not fertile that day...
Nevertheless, he love you more then before having baby so ...if no sex, self satisfy or bear with it...
Mama_annie,
As a husband, I 100% concur with ur wise advices. All shd practice your advices.
I will suggest couples learn how to give massages as its a fantastic bonding act which can result in joyful endings. Perhaps then husbands will be less tempted to visit massage joints.
Hi Doesithappen,
I have been reading ur posts on the sideline and decided to register to give the man's side of the story.
Men do have ego challenge (as traditional head of household) and I believe ur husband is really trying hard to work really hard to save up and provide for family.
That's physical (perhaps he works long hours) and mental exhaustion can definitely damper his sex drive. Which in turn can impact his virility.
I believe a man's sexual peak is in his 20s to early 30s. A stallion in his 20s can underperform and face ED and PME issues in their 30s that will damage his ego terribly and he will find excuses to avoid sex. PME in particular as there are few proven solutions and is a real damper and 1 of 3 man has PME ( Mayo Clinic) encounters this.
The plausible solution is to put ur child away for 1-2 days and go for a hideaway retreat with no distractions (eg. TV, mobile, wifi etc) and have heart to heart discovery talk without any sexual agenda. Share that ur marriage vows reminds you to listen, reach out and help each other in all circumstances. If he opens up to any ED or PME issues, don't rush a solution for him, let him open up first (remember man's thick ego) and then the next step he will naturally want to seek a solution. Meantime, be prepared to accept alternative solutions that are equally satisfying (I believe), eg. He can go down on you (again communicate w him during the act, where, what, how), use toys, etc. When a man realise how much pleasure he can give his wife, his confidence will come back.
As for what Desmond mentioned, it's true men's Testosterone level will drop in 30 esp 40 onwards. There are solutions, I find bi-monthly jabs do wonders (good GPs will have) with hardly any side effects.
As for the few ladies who have unfaithful husbands, I empathize with you and am ashamed of my fellow men infidelity. However, then going soft in bed with you Does Not translate to underperformance in their affairs. On the contrary, it's because they have fallen out of love or unattracted to you that accounts for their softness.
I do read balanced (and highly inflated) posts on SBY forum and note that not all men go astray with vicious FT women or younger, foxy gals. Many a times it's because wives neglect them, communicate less and put too much time on the kids and neglect their dressings, deportment when men are very visual animals. Over attention on the kids (sleeping in same room definite No No) will not just affect sexual relationship but more importantly communication which will then get raise to more misunderstandings, quarrels, etc.
Mind you, you only have a 10-12 years window, because when ur kids reach their teens, you will again be conscious abt sex because you are afraid ur teens overhear your sessions.
I hope my post has not upset any reader and I hope your relationships will improve in no time.
