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Need help with my husband

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by Jel1992, Aug 12, 2018.

  1. Jel1992

    Jel1992 Member

    Need some advice here. I feel very stressful and disappointed with my husband lately. All along he is very hot-tempered but he has been controlling it when talking to me because of my personality and we had not quarrel before. However for the past few weeks, he had been very unkind with his words and will even speak to me in an authoritative tone in the public. For eg, when we were approached by a credit card promoter, I told him upfront that I do not want to apply as I'm someone who do not wish to hold on to too many cards... My husband applied and keep pressing me to apply as well and even scolded me for not applying. I feel so small out of a sudden and seems like every thing is my fault. There are a few incidents where he will told me off out of a blue e.g. we can be playing happily with our son and he dirtied hinself and need sanitizer wipe and I had forgotten to bring as Im currently pregnant and tend to be very forgetful, he will told me off and used nasty words on me. I will just keep quiet as I do not wish to end up quarreling however lately things are getting out of hand and I had thought of leaving as I cannot stand it anymore.
     


  2. coachy0203

    coachy0203 Member

    Try to talk to him and tell him exactly what you feel right now. Maybe hes very stressed at work or maybe he is stressful that your #2 is arriving? Are you guys financially difficult at the moment?
     
  3. Jel1992

    Jel1992 Member

    We are not facing any difficulties financially, I agree that he might be stressed at work which I told him he can let me know and don't bottle himself up. To me, he's a very good father however his words hurt because he told me once that he don't know what I'm good at and he rather stay single... When nothing went wrong, he's very nice and sweet to me however whenever small things crop up, he will use words to attack me which caused me to cry at times.
     
  4. Mongkok

    Mongkok Member

    I hope you are not a person without a threshold.

    He is falling out of love with you. This is an early wake up call.

    His verbal abusive will only stop when u put a stop to it. By keeping quiet, it only encourage him further. Eg. On things that u don't wish to do (credit card application, etc), u hv said upfront, but u showed him that u will actually comply w him aft his verbal abuse you. That encourages him (verbal abuse) further.

    Nex time, stay assertive. Assertiveness need not b verbal. Jus walk away from the situation. If he verbally abuse u infront of others, walk away. This is a passive aggressive move. Your limit will b when he can't stop the verbal thingy, giv him a stern no. Say evrythg else but nothing else on that particular topic.

    W this, it will show him how to respect your choice. And u aren't someone to step on like a mat.

    As for you guys, work on the bonding. Hv some pak-tor time. Find back the lost feelings for each other.

    As for yourself, i hope u r working. Save as much as u can.
     
  5. jayjayqueenie

    jayjayqueenie Active Member

    have a good talk with him. u must have your flaws and he has his flaws too. so both of u must agree to change.

    if talking face to face does not work, send messages, write letters, write special notes. decorate a little. it might touch him.

    a friend of mine recorded her hubby’s scoldings and she was given a protection order after she submitted to police. i am not encouraging this method but sometimes people are not aware that they can be sued over how they scold people or the things they said.
     
  6. DonLee

    DonLee Member

    Ya. Agreed with the rest. Have a good talk with him. Find out where the problem lies. Both have to sit down and have a good talk over it.
     
  7. coachy0203

    coachy0203 Member

    Actually something just crossed my mind, if he suddenly changes his temper and behaviour, it could be that he may have developed depression. You should really convince him to talk to a specialist before its too late.

     
  8. Jel1992

    Jel1992 Member

    He dont have any depression, just that he tends to take me for granted which he also admit plus his parents keep complaining about me behind my back which make me feel so suffocated. We did have a heart to heart talk and he apologized for what he had done but he will revert to his old self again. I'm someone who prefer to give in and keep quiet to avoid unhappiness
     
  9. lostmypurpose

    lostmypurpose New Member

    Hi actually judging from the fact you guys could have a heart to heart chat and he did apologise, I think things can be saved. He may not be able to change this immediately, but I think over time he can do it. I also changed over the years over some things that my wife didn't like, though it did take quite many quarrels to get there and also some personality change on my part.

    Good luck!
     
  10. DonLee

    DonLee Member

    This is quite similar as me.... But seems it don't work this way at times
    Sometimes its better to talk it out, and find a solution to it
    Otherwise you can try my method (it work for me at least)
    To talk to another... Sometimes we just want to 'vent' or tell out our anger/unhappiness...
     
  11. Cindy Tay

    Cindy Tay Member

    Probably he's stress over work/kids.
    Have some personal time with him.
    Have a good talk with him.
    Communication is a key to success marriage
     
  12. Chokobibi

    Chokobibi New Member

    PIL have always come in between marriages. I would suggest building your relationship with his parents first. It will truly help you alot...
     

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