Need advice

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verallx

New Member
Need some advice.

I'm married to my Husband for 1 year + and we have a 7month old Daughter. Throughout my pregnancy my husband have been using violent abuse on me. And I have applied for ppo and got it halfway through my pregnancy.

There are a few times when the violence happen in the living room and right in front of my MIL. But all she did was getting up and return back to her room. When my family confronted her about her reaction she said she didnt know anything.

Some times when violence happen I will be running out of the house calling the police else I will hide somewhere till I feel that it's safe to get back home. I remember once when I'm still pregnant and violent happen I ran out of the house with only my hp and when hiding at some Blk void deck. I didn't dare to go back till the next morning. The most recent one happen around 5 months after I give birth I got strangled by my Husband. And violence happen during my confinement period so I send my daughter to my mum place when she's only 2 weeks old.

The most recent case the police actually decided to charge my husband and right now he wanted me to help him write a letter to court and the police to not pursue the case.

Our hdb flat will be ready next year and I want my daughter to grow up in a complete family. What would u do if u r in my shoe?
 


I have the ppo already and he breach it twice. The last time while he's on bail...

He wanted me to write a letter to to help asking the court and police to not pursue the case.

Would like advice on what are the chances the court will drop the case and if it would affect the future if it happens again and if my ppo would be taken away.

Also when I report to the police i did state I do not want to pursue the case and would leave the decision to the judge.
 
But once u hv ppo, he shouldn't assault u.
I believed u hv given him enough chance. If he don't learn a lesson, he wont stop
 
verallx said:
Need some advice.

I'm married to my Husband for 1 year + and we have a 7month old Daughter. Throughout my pregnancy my husband have been using violent abuse on me. And I have applied for ppo and got it halfway through my pregnancy.

There are a few times when the violence happen in the living room and right in front of my MIL. But all she did was getting up and return back to her room. When my family confronted her about her reaction she said she didnt know anything.

Some times when violence happen I will be running out of the house calling the police else I will hide somewhere till I feel that it's safe to get back home. I remember once when I'm still pregnant and violent happen I ran out of the house with only my hp and when hiding at some Blk void deck. I didn't dare to go back till the next morning. The most recent one happen around 5 months after I give birth I got strangled by my Husband. And violence happen during my confinement period so I send my daughter to my mum place when she's only 2 weeks old.

The most recent case the police actually decided to charge my husband and right now he wanted me to help him write a letter to court and the police to not pursue the case.

Our hdb flat will be ready next year and I want my daughter to grow up in a complete family. What would u do if u r in my shoe?
Click to expand...

What trigger his reactions?you need to know to protect urself.this also happens more than once,you need to make a stand.it seems like he is not repentant at all.he needs to learn his lesson.
 
Will a violent person change his ways?
Even with a PPO.. While out on bail still get violent.

Such a person is unlikely to be able to contribute to a "complete" family. Not till he is at least late 50s.

Some ppl just dont gel together. Not saying who is right or wrong, but if really not fated, dont force it
 
Cheerjoy said:
What trigger his reactions?you need to know to protect urself.this also happens more than once,you need to make a stand.it seems like he is not repentant at all.he needs to learn his lesson.
Click to expand...


He usually get violent after he's drunk or after we had a big quarrel and he tried to get my attention but I gave him the cold shoulder.

I did make a stand quite a few times but I'm not firm enough I Guess. I always told him I will leave for good if it happens again but yet I will always forgive after it happens.

I have been trying very hard to stay firm but there's always a part of me who keep wondering what if this is the last chance that he needed.

Also this time things are more complicated. After the incident I have shifted back to my mum place but my sister is getting married this October and her Husband to be is a foreigner which mean they can't apply for flat till her Husband become a PR or she give birth. Whichever faster. So I will have a housing problem. Although I'm capable to provide for my Daughter and I. I'm not finically strong enough to rent a flat/room in the open market.

And we have a bto due next year which means I can't rent from the government either. Not unless I don't have the bto and divorce with my Husband. Which I can't too as the law doesn't allow.

And as we took the government grant for the flat would also mean that we have to pay back the grant with interest when the bto cancel later during key collection which is next year somewhere during Aug. I tried asking my husband to cancel the flat now but he refused and I can't do it alone.
 
verallx said:
He usually get violent after he's drunk or after we had a big quarrel and he tried to get my attention but I gave him the cold shoulder.

I did make a stand quite a few times but I'm not firm enough I Guess. I always told him I will leave for good if it happens again but yet I will always forgive after it happens.

I have been trying very hard to stay firm but there's always a part of me who keep wondering what if this is the last chance that he needed.

Also this time things are more complicated. After the incident I have shifted back to my mum place but my sister is getting married this October and her Husband to be is a foreigner which mean they can't apply for flat till her Husband become a PR or she give birth. Whichever faster. So I will have a housing problem. Although I'm capable to provide for my Daughter and I. I'm not finically strong enough to rent a flat/room in the open market.

And we have a bto due next year which means I can't rent from the government either. Not unless I don't have the bto and divorce with my Husband. Which I can't too as the law doesn't allow.

And as we took the government grant for the flat would also mean that we have to pay back the grant with interest when the bto cancel later during key collection which is next year somewhere during Aug. I tried asking my husband to cancel the flat now but he refused and I can't do it alone.[/QUOTE

Did he show apologize to you or show any form of remorse after he did this to you?Is he naturally a bad tempered person or something happened that resulted in him behaving in this manner?becos being newly wed,should be quite sweet for the both of you and he wouldn't treat you like that.Not sure how much you love him but I think you should not forgive him so easily since its already more than once.and he even use violence on you even when ur pregnant?what sort of man is he?! if you forgive him now,he is gonna think nothing serious will happen to him if he ever lay his hands on you again.if he undergo some form of penalty,he will think twice about doing it again.some ppl are like that,only learn by the hard way.btw,is he going for any form of counseling?
Do take care.think about the safety of you and your child.sometimes you have to be hard on another for him to change.
Click to expand...
 

I would like to think that he have anger management issue and we are both going to pave for Counselling under court order however I do not know if he did go back for Counselling.
As per what my counsellor said he have a choice for his violence as he only laid his hand on me. But even before our marriage he would start hitting things around our house when he get angry and I only got to know about it after that.

He did apologise the first few times and after that he just stop and sometimes he would just push the blame to me in front of his family and even the police saying I'm the one started it or that I'm asking for it.

Yes I guess you are right.
 
Focus on how you & your daughter will be affected. Keep calm yourself do that it'll help you handle situation better. Plan for eventual independence.

Let the BTO come, but your daily routine ensure your child is well cared for with your mother's help. Eventually, protection of your physical & emotional self is impt for your child's sake.

Your husband seem to hv hard time managing his own anger, which may be deep seated. He has to handle that before he can be a good husband to you & good father to your child. Owise, it is not going to work & it is not good your child as it'll become a cycle. His mother's reactions (non-action) already tells you a lot.

Find a way whether you can share a room with yr mum. Eventually when the BTO comes, s'times the court or HDB may make exceptions since u alr hv a record of ppo. Don't worry abt this part first.

Protect yr child away fr family violence. Separate fr violence. I'm not for divorce, but in such circumstances, we cannot be stubborn abt holding on to a marriage. The marriage vow suppose to provide for each other's happiness in health & in wealth. If yr husband has not been protective or u, then the vow was not honored in that your health (mental, physical & emotional lost). Don't cling on to him or the BTO (wealth). Leave & u'll find your footing again. Pray that he will find himself through counseling. If he Evers find his own footing, don't rule reconciliation. If he ever repents & controls his anger, there's always hope for complete family for your child.

But certainly now he's in his uncontrolled world of his own. You cannot reach out to him. You hv your child and your sanity to protect & restore first. Hope you will take care.
 
Complete or healthy family? With violent.. your child will nv be happy... your child may be the next target...
I came from a broken family. I have two younger siblings.. my dad have mistress.. beat up my mum..
I wished they r divorced... mybwosh came true at aged 15...
I was so damn happy.
Now my dad changed. I grow up...
I dont hate anymore.. he still visit me...
Because he is old now... so he feel happier w us n grandchildren.

My advise is... yes. Complete family is impt.. but not w violent acts at home.
 
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