Need Advice for Emotionally Battered Stay Home Mum

[mich_liu82]

Hi All,

I am writing this on behalf of my god-sister.

She is 31 this year. Married with 2 lovely boys. She has no next of kin in Singapore as the rest of them are in London. I am the closes to her now.

She got married in Jan 2012. Her husband is self employed but business is not doing well. As for her, she gave up working for the sake of her 2 boys. She currently have a maid as it's not easy for her to handle both boys especially when their age are like 2 years apart and further more the elder boy is hyper active.

Ok so here is what happen.
2 months ago, her husband confessed that he has detached emotionally from the marriage and is on a verge of falling into an affair. My god sis is of course really upset but she thought about it and decided to salvage the marriage. She spoke with the husband and guess what his stupid reply is.
He says that he will not want to salvage the marriage as there is no more love but he will want them to stay married because of the kids as he does not want the kids to grow up without both parents.
This B*stard refuse to let her inform his parents nor her family in London up till today. And my god sis listens to him as she still wants to salvage the marriage.

I have tried speaking to him but it did not work and it made me blew up in a rage. I am so freaking angry with this stupid idiot and I really do wanna bash him up if the law allows me to. He is one stupid Ah Beng and definitely the worse I have met.

So recently, they did mention about divorce, he told my god sis, "If you really want to have a divorce, you are not going to get the kids for sure, 1stly, you have no income and no next of kin. 2ndly, I have income and I definitely can give the best to the kids."
Anyway they just got the keys to their new place about 4 to 5 months back.
He further told my god sis, "In regards to the terms for divorce, I will not give you the kids, but I will give you the property."

I really need advices and help of any for my god sis.
She has been looking after the 2 kids on her own with the help of the maid now, she have been going for interviews for jobs as well but to no avail.

In any case if the marriage is impossible to reconcile and she decides to file for a divorce, is it really true that the 2 boys will go to their stupid father just because my god sis is jobless currently and have no next of kin in Singapore?

FYI, the irresponsible idiot is hurting her with stupid words every single day and by not going home early until wee hours in the morning and he is also brain washing her to give up on the kids as he keep insisting there is no way she can provide for the kids.

Please help!!!

 

[happylady]

I m not really sure but ;
1) if she is not working doesn't mean she can't get custody of the kid, woman charter
2) there is alimony for the 2kids n herself
3) Sue him for.adultery

 

[pixie ng]

i do have a friend that courts put full custody of her 2 boys under her ex, rather than her. she only able to visit the boys weekly basis. i did not ask the reason though.. i only know her ex is a businessman and she was a SAHM..

if your godsis dun hv job, and only rely alimony and child maintenance for survival. it is quite possible that courts will not rule full custody to her.. she cannot prove that she can support herself, so how to be responsible for a kid?

anyway why not look for a lawyer first and seek for advice?

 

[mich_liu82]

I m not really sure but ;
1) if she is not working doesn't mean she can't get custody of the kid, woman charter
2) there is alimony for the 2kids n herself
3) Sue him for.adultery

Hi Happylady,

Yup, I will get her to seek legal advice from those free legal aid as she really has no income.

 

[mich_liu82]

i do have a friend that courts put full custody of her 2 boys under her ex, rather than her. she only able to visit the boys weekly basis. i did not ask the reason though.. i only know her ex is a businessman and she was a SAHM..

if your godsis dun hv job, and only rely alimony and child maintenance for survival. it is quite possible that courts will not rule full custody to her.. she cannot prove that she can support herself, so how to be responsible for a kid?

anyway why not look for a lawyer first and seek for advice?

Hi Pixie_ng,

Wow... Ok... Point taken note on this. She has been looking for job but to no avail. Yup, I will get her to seek legal advice.

Thanks!

 

[Wishingstars]

Maybe should inform her parents to get moral support?

 

[pixie ng]

Hi Pixie_ng,

Wow... Ok... Point taken note on this. She has been looking for job but to no avail. Yup, I will get her to seek legal advice.

Thanks!

actually if SAHM for few years, is abit hard to find job....
maybe ask her find PT job first, then slowly move to FT job...
it is easier this way

 

[mich_liu82]

Maybe should inform her parents to get moral support?

Hi Wishing Stars,

The thing is she has no next of kin in Singapore.
They are all overseas

 

[mich_liu82]

actually if SAHM for few years, is abit hard to find job....
maybe ask her find PT job first, then slowly move to FT job...
it is easier this way

Hi Pixie,

Yup, thats the harsh reality in Singapore...
She is doing that also but she also need to find one that is neat her place...

 

[mannouhana]

This is a reality anywhere that has a competitive job market. Once a person has been out of job market for sometime, it is extremely difficult to get back in.

I hate to sound harsh but with no steady stream of income (be it though job or investments with monthly payout) and no family support, it may be difficult for her to get custody of her children. It may not be in the children's best interest to give her custody.

 

[mich_liu82]

This is a reality anywhere that has a competitive job market. Once a person has been out of job market for sometime, it is extremely difficult to get back in.

I hate to sound harsh but with no steady stream of income (be it though job or investments with monthly payout) and no family support, it may be difficult for her to get custody of her children. It may not be in the children's best interest to give her custody.

Hi Mannouhana,

But the guy should pay for her maintenance as well right?

 

[sane]

She is still young at 31 and I believe that if she really wants, she should be able to find a full time job.
With a job and a maid, she should have no problem to get the custody.
Her hb went out till wee hours every night, is he having a marital affair?

 

[pixie ng]

Hi Mannouhana,

But the guy should pay for her maintenance as well right?

if mum cannot prove ability to take care of herself, how she can convince the court that she can upkeep the kids? being a single parent is not only take care of your kid and money still sponsor from your ex. being a single parent means you have to support yourself and your kid, be the main responsible person to take care of your kid if you want full custody.

i have friend who paid alimony to ex-wife 4K per month (he is super rich), and another pay $400 per month (he is average earner).. if you can survive $400 per month for alimony and maybe another $500 for child maintenance, then you need not find a job... from what i heard from my friend, the courts will rule max 20% of income from the husband.. if you can find a really good lawyer to get max 20%, you can estimate how much alimony you can get...

 

[mich_liu82]

Hi Sane,

Thanks for giving us the positive vibes and encouragement.

Really appreciate it. I'm just very worried for my God sis. I hope everything turns out well for her.

He is for sure but denying it.

 

[mich_liu82]

Hi Pixie,

Thanks for the advice. Noted.

 

[daddysgal]

Will you be able to help her find a good lawyer and contribute to her legal fees? If she can find a flexible job (e.g. insurance agent) it'd help her case greatly

 

[mich_liu82]

Will you be able to help her find a good lawyer and contribute to her legal fees? If she can find a flexible job (e.g. insurance agent) it'd help her case greatly

Hi daddysgal,

For sure I will if I can afford it... But besides a good lawyer to help her fight, I wonder what else can I do?

 

[Spreenow]

Hi Mich,

I'm not sure what experience your god-sister has. But if she has experience in the past, maybe she can try to go into part time tuition teacher and try to look for a full time job in the meantime? What is her experience in the past? Maybe look for something along that lines. It is very important for her to gain that confidence in herself and not let his works discourage her further (*it's easier said then done*)...

Maybe it is good if she can find support groups to help encourage her throughout this period too. I have heard of some of these support groups before but not too sure of the details. Maybe you can try to googling.

I asked a friend who is a lawyer and he mentioned that if your god-sis has any evidence of his infidelity, she should keep it as it will be handy if they really decide to file for divorce...

 

[mich_liu82]

Hi Mich,

I'm not sure what experience your god-sister has. But if she has experience in the past, maybe she can try to go into part time tuition teacher and try to look for a full time job in the meantime? What is her experience in the past? Maybe look for something along that lines. It is very important for her to gain that confidence in herself and not let his works discourage her further (*it's easier said then done*)...

Maybe it is good if she can find support groups to help encourage her throughout this period too. I have heard of some of these support groups before but not too sure of the details. Maybe you can try to googling.

I asked a friend who is a lawyer and he mentioned that if your god-sis has any evidence of his infidelity, she should keep it as it will be handy if they really decide to file for divorce...

Hi Spreenow,

Thanks for your reply.

hmmm, she have not much evidence on this. I will PM you.

 

[daay]

Hi mich,

Tell ur God sister she is not alone. My husband also commit adultry. We will encourage one another here
Worst, he ask for divorce when i am pregnant and left the 9 months by myself. But i gone through it, so can she

 

[mich_liu82]

Hi mich,

Tell ur God sister she is not alone. My husband also commit adultry. We will encourage one another here
Worst, he ask for divorce when i am pregnant and left the 9 months by myself. But i gone through it, so can she

Hi Daay,

Stay strong...
Yes, I will let her know...
Hugs