MOTHER-IN-LAW PROBLEMS

[tensilestrain]

Shoppixe,
Haha. He didn't tell me to sit like dummy. He merely told me he intended to let go and let his family and my family handle our infant boy and told me to do the same. For this, i interpreted as they wanted to help out. Little did i expect that i was not supposed to go near my boy at all as long as mil or that sil was around. To walk his talk, he acted like he was busy in his own world, unaware of the surroundings.

Guess i am more fortunate than you. More often the crying baby was not passed to me but to that sil secretly.

Maybe i am the odd one out that i prefer people to leave my crying baby alone with me. I used to hope my hb would brave through the storm with me. But he chooses to brave through the storm with his unmarried sis.

Thanks, i do give myself some individual time by following my hb instructions too, "the boys must get use to this kind of life". So even though i may be on leave, the boys still go childcare unless i have special arrangement for them.

 

[betc]

Pinkylove,
I feel you even though i was not given any black face. I had overly- enthusiastic-involved in laws, not just mil but the whole family.

My elder boy is 4 years old. Too many things happen in these 4 years. I no longer believe that mother role and bond will never change. It will never change if i can play a part in the role and has chances to bond with my children. If people deny me of my role and bonding time totally but gave another woman all the rights to do so, wouldn't the role and bond change? Many people said how many more years can your mil live. True. I didn't mind her doing my role or bonding with my boy until i realised she wanted her daughter to take over mother role and bonding and denied me of any. I mind. I mind my boy telling me i had never care for him but his ergu is more concern about him when he is in his teens.

She taught my boy to call ah mah. Fine, she should.

She didn't teach him to call mama. Never mind, i can teach him myself.

She only taught him to call papa once in a while. Well, fair enough.

She not only taught him to call ergu but also told him how good and important she is in his life, continuously for hours. Something not too right. Should i continue to sit aside like invisible mother while my mil sang to my son the good things that her daughter did for him. I decided to change myself.

Eversince i change myself to be more active in my role and bonding, i see more than what i used to understand. It takes time to build bonding. I need to work but i play mother role actively when not working. I see the difference. At least, now i know i tried my best even though he may still say i do not care for him as much as his ergu.

I see the changes in my hb too. He used to just sit aside like a dummy at my mum's house just like how he had instructed me to do at his mum's house. Think of it, he walked his talk. He had been doing it at his mum's house too and whenever she or his sister were around. Because i am 'overly involved' in mother role and bonding, he decided to step in and play a part in his father role and bonding.

I don't sandwich my hb anymore if he ever was. I just play mother role actively whenever i can and not be hindered by anyone who tries to stop me from doing it.

U need to build the bond. I've even heard of maid asking the kid to call her mom. If U don't bond with yr child, someone else will. I'm really glad my hb ask me to stay at home to take care of my kids. My kids or close to me even tho I discipline them. Hb work long hours but compensate them with toys...coz he feel he's not spending much time with them.

My elder sis used to tell my girl when she's younger that mommy is no good. Mommy have no money to buy things for her. She's better. Of coz she can afford as she don't have children. I was super pissed. But luckily I do not have to depend on them to help to care of my kids. My mom will never tell my kids that I'm no good. My sis behaves more like a MIL... My hb will never accompany me to visit my mom(she stays in my sis's home) coz my sis will nag n expect us to teach our kids they way she tells us.

 

[pinkylove]

Pinkylove,
I feel you even though i was not given any black face. I had overly- enthusiastic-involved in laws, not just mil but the whole family.

My elder boy is 4 years old. Too many things happen in these 4 years. I no longer believe that mother role and bond will never change. It will never change if i can play a part in the role and has chances to bond with my children. If people deny me of my role and bonding time totally but gave another woman all the rights to do so, wouldn't the role and bond change? Many people said how many more years can your mil live. True. I didn't mind her doing my role or bonding with my boy until i realised she wanted her daughter to take over mother role and bonding and denied me of any. I mind. I mind my boy telling me i had never care for him but his ergu is more concern about him when he is in his teens.

She taught my boy to call ah mah. Fine, she should.

She didn't teach him to call mama. Never mind, i can teach him myself.

She only taught him to call papa once in a while. Well, fair enough.

She not only taught him to call ergu but also told him how good and important she is in his life, continuously for hours. Something not too right. Should i continue to sit aside like invisible mother while my mil sang to my son the good things that her daughter did for him. I decided to change myself.

Eversince i change myself to be more active in my role and bonding, i see more than what i used to understand. It takes time to build bonding. I need to work but i play mother role actively when not working. I see the difference. At least, now i know i tried my best even though he may still say i do not care for him as much as his ergu.

I see the changes in my hb too. He used to just sit aside like a dummy at my mum's house just like how he had instructed me to do at his mum's house. Think of it, he walked his talk. He had been doing it at his mum's house too and whenever she or his sister were around. Because i am 'overly involved' in mother role and bonding, he decided to step in and play a part in his father role and bonding.

I don't sandwich my hb anymore if he ever was. I just play mother role actively whenever i can and not be hindered by anyone who tries to stop me from doing it.

Hi tensilestrain, appreciate your sharing.

I am always being held back and put on second thought, thinking if I seize the opportunity of my girl and my mil time. I must admit my mil dotes on my girl, always carry her, play with her when I m busy. example, when I just reach home, I need to shower and have dinner. Normally when I m done with these, I would want to carry my girl and start my bonding time with her. But when I approach my mil and my girl, they might be playing together or mil might be carrying her.. I will thinking: will it look kinda rude if I just go over and stop the activity and carry my girl away.

I am not sure if I am overly sensitive. my mil always like to show me when my girl is lying on her shoulder and openly say: aiyo girl girl always like to find ah mah to "sa Jiao"... or girl girl, want ah mah carry ah? always like ah mah to carry hor?
Its like she is showing off that my girl likes her, and kind of "prefers" her.

 

[lavendards]

Whatever will be, will be...
Some things just can't be stopped if it's going to happen...

For one, most girls in here will be dil in time to come, most dil will be mil in time to come...
Make the best out of it and bond with the family, be it your own or in-laws.

Ever have a relative who guarded her baby son like uranium, untouchable. Always keeping her baby away from the in-laws and family, resulting in baby losing bonding with the family that was taking care of her and baby during hard times...

Haiz... shouldn't the child's benefits be above that of mother/father?

Rather that I enjoy large portion of time with my kids, in the name of bonding, and losing connection with the rest of the family.
I would love my children to be loved by all in the family.

 

[tensilestrain]

Hi tensilestrain, appreciate your sharing.

I am always being held back and put on second thought, thinking if I seize the opportunity of my girl and my mil time. I must admit my mil dotes on my girl, always carry her, play with her when I m busy. example, when I just reach home, I need to shower and have dinner. Normally when I m done with these, I would want to carry my girl and start my bonding time with her. But when I approach my mil and my girl, they might be playing together or mil might be carrying her.. I will thinking: will it look kinda rude if I just go over and stop the activity and carry my girl away.

I am not sure if I am overly sensitive. my mil always like to show me when my girl is lying on her shoulder and openly say: aiyo girl girl always like to find ah mah to "sa Jiao"... or girl girl, want ah mah carry ah? always like ah mah to carry hor?
Its like she is showing off that my girl likes her, and kind of "prefers" her.

Pinkylove,

I always believe that bonding need not be a 1 to 1 thing. Bonding can always happen even if there are many people around. It doesn't mean mil or sil want to bond with my boy, i have to be invisible.

You may want to try to get in the play too, with your mil still playing as well. It is tough at the beginning but can try.

Organising some outings involving your mil might be a good idea. These are some ideas i tried but didn't work for me. They may work for you.

Bringing your girl out to meet with your friends and their kids would be good too.

Just try involving your mil when you bond with your girl at home. If she feel less threaten, maybe she would be more willing to let you bond with your girl alone.

I don't live with my mil. I don't know how it is like staying with one. But i know it doesn't feel good to think that mil want to show off that my child prefers her than me. I always avoid sharing anything that shows i know my children better than her too. She would want to show that actually she knows better.

Once, my younger boy, now 2 yo, kissed me for no reason at her house. I was caught by surprised. She saw the kiss. She envied so much that she carried my boy over and forced his lips to press against her cheek.

Actually, my mil dotes both my boys. If she could, she would sit beside them 24/7.

 

[karoosel]

I would burst ! imagine she snatch the moment of mama calling from your kids and to acknowledge as calling her.
my LO can call out mama sometimes, but she always brush the term off as : Oh ... you want mum-mum?? ( Food )
*sick*

LOL. Same situation here and im not chinese so for me mama is me, the one with the c-section scar where that kid came from!

Glad to know i am not alone with that blood boiling feeling.

 

[swnee]

Hi Just sharing my own experience. My mil also likes to show off that my DD prefers her over me, initially I will be unhappy but I think being unhappy doesn't solve these kind of comments, so what I did is that I will comment how much my girl loves ah ma and she is ah ma's precious grandchild. Somehow it makes her feels good and she now make lesser such kind of jeering comments. Jealousy brings hatred, so regardless of whoever your main caretakers are for your child, don't be jealous. Do you very best and play with your child whenever you are free, join in the fun with them. Ultimately your child will still stick to you, very simple why, because you are the one that has the spending power for them =). kids are smart, they know who to go to if they need stuffs.

Hi tensilestrain, appreciate your sharing.

I am always being held back and put on second thought, thinking if I seize the opportunity of my girl and my mil time. I must admit my mil dotes on my girl, always carry her, play with her when I m busy. example, when I just reach home, I need to shower and have dinner. Normally when I m done with these, I would want to carry my girl and start my bonding time with her. But when I approach my mil and my girl, they might be playing together or mil might be carrying her.. I will thinking: will it look kinda rude if I just go over and stop the activity and carry my girl away.

I am not sure if I am overly sensitive. my mil always like to show me when my girl is lying on her shoulder and openly say: aiyo girl girl always like to find ah mah to "sa Jiao"... or girl girl, want ah mah carry ah? always like ah mah to carry hor?
Its like she is showing off that my girl likes her, and kind of "prefers" her.

 

[karoosel]

Let her rant, sis. We have not walked in her shoes and we never will. Every situation is different. If yours has become better then good for you, 'ayt?

 

[swnee]

hi I don't think I'm holding back her ranting. I'm just trying to give positive comments. Old ppl can't change but you can make the choice either to suck it in or put things in a better perspective. So what you meant is that I can't share my personal experience? I have been through lots of craps too.

Let her rant, sis. We have not walked in her shoes and we never will. Every situation is different. If yours has become better then good for you, 'ayt?

 

[pinkylove]

LOL. Same situation here and im not chinese so for me mama is me, the one with the c-section scar where that kid came from!

Glad to know i am not alone with that blood boiling feeling.

hi karoosel... I was so angry too.. haha.. "hi-5"
you are not alone...

 

[pinkylove]

Hi Just sharing my own experience. My mil also likes to show off that my DD prefers her over me, initially I will be unhappy but I think being unhappy doesn't solve these kind of comments, so what I did is that I will comment how much my girl loves ah ma and she is ah ma's precious grandchild. Somehow it makes her feels good and she now make lesser such kind of jeering comments. Jealousy brings hatred, so regardless of whoever your main caretakers are for your child, don't be jealous. Do you very best and play with your child whenever you are free, join in the fun with them. Ultimately your child will still stick to you, very simple why, because you are the one that has the spending power for them =). kids are smart, they know who to go to if they need stuffs.

Hi swnee, I applied this method, of making comments and create statement to "please" my mil by saying how nice is ah ma, how ah ma sayang her.. I made an effort to carry my girl out of my room and greet my mil good morning everytime... and carry her to see my mil when she is cooking, washing etc...and get connected with ah ma.. I thought by doing this positive and sharing act, I will give her the feeling and assurance that I m not trying to "possess" my girl or to create barrier.
This kind of positive courtesy should bring back the courtesy as well.

But my mil had taken advantage , and with me bringing my girl closer to her in words and actions.. she just happily accept it and turn out to prevent my girl to get close to me.

she only teach my girl to call papa. when my girl get sticky with me , or only call mama... she just keep quiet.
when my girl call papa, she will say... Very good.. call some more , call some more...papa..papa....

my mil doesn't care about my feeling since she does all these openly...
sometimes I will tell myself, since she doesn't care, why should I?

 

[tensilestrain]

I would very much like to spend time bonding with the family and stay connected. However, it takes 2 hands to clap. How to have family bond when others don't want me to be around? When i was asked to let others handle my boy and i sat aside, a signal was sent to my boy. His mother is unable to tell him to do anything because only his ah mah and ergu can do things for him. This mother's words can be ignored.

I had always believe that parenting and discipline should be consistent to benefit the child. As much as possible, i tried not to interfere too much with hb's decisions. But slowly, i discovered that i had no say in making decisions for my boy. Decisions like mil want to see more of my boy so he can don't go ifc but should be brought to her place, i want to spend time with my boy but cannot as he needed to get used to 'this kind of life and learn more in ifc'.

I have a colleague who had always told me that family connections must be made to benefit the children. With a good and peaceful relationship in the family, the child would grow up happily too. Sounds logical.

This year, her girl is in primary school. When i asked her how was her girl adapting to school, she asked what do i mean. Slowly, i found out her girl has attitude problem in class. She refused to follow teacher's instructions. When my colleague tried to teach her girl to respect the teacher, it didn't work out well. As we talked, i realised that her decisions made for her girl are not respected by her hb and in laws since she was born. They overwrite her decisions easily in front of the girl. The girl is bonded closely to the grandparents as their are the main caregivers.

Family bonding and connection are important but if i am not respected as my children's mother, why care? Afterall, i mind the upbringing of my children and i am the one that people will say i didn't teach my children when they misbehave, not others. People will only say the parents never teach. They never say grandparents never teach or aunt never teach.

 

[lavendards]

They overwrite her decisions easily in front of the girl. The girl is bonded closely to the grandparents as their are the main caregivers.

Family bonding and connection are important but if i am not respected as my children's mother, why care? Afterall, i mind the upbringing of my children and i am the one that people will say i didn't teach my children when they misbehave, not others. People will only say the parents never teach. They never say grandparents never teach or aunt never teach.

On the contrary, this is not 100% of all cases...

I do know of 'over-protective' mums who can come up with 1001 reasons that their in-laws are monsters. And the ill upbringing of their children is really a reflection of how mum/dad brought them up. Kids learn from people around them. When mum/dad disrespects the in-laws, children will also follow suit and in time, act on others and possibly their parents too.

People will not only say the parents never teach.
They will say grandparents never teach or aunt never teach too! Behind their back...

Nobody's perfect, it takes 2 hands to clap. I rather be the problem solver than the solution breaker.

Daughter-in-law of yesteryear,... will be mother-in-law of tomorrow... and whether you like it or not, future daughter-in-law will brand you as monster when you do anything she dislikes... generation gap prevails...

Anyway, let the ranting continues... Now we can rant at others, soon we will be ranted at,...

 

[Evon21]

How do u ladies handle your husband who always place his mother on top priority despite u being pregnant?

1. My MIL told him, antenatal class aint impt, she asks me to go myself coz im the mother i should know al those.

2. Knowing that we have something on weekends, she would always ask him over for dinner

3. Just experienced first hand, i wasnt informed he was going to stay there for dinner. Instead of fetching me from my parents home after his dinner, he asked me a pregnant woman to go home myself in a rainy day. Ended up i slipped and fell when boarding the cab, having bad tummy pain. Called him and he said he will only be back after dinner.

Im so utterly disappointed that i have to make my own to hospital. He doesnt understand the seriousness. Makes me wonder if he seriously want a kid. I miscarriaged once, so this baby is impt.

 

[shoppixe]

How do u ladies handle your husband who always place his mother on top priority despite u being pregnant?

1. My MIL told him, antenatal class aint impt, she asks me to go myself coz im the mother i should know al those.

2. Knowing that we have something on weekends, she would always ask him over for dinner

3. Just experienced first hand, i wasnt informed he was going to stay there for dinner. Instead of fetching me from my parents home after his dinner, he asked me a pregnant woman to go home myself in a rainy day. Ended up i slipped and fell when boarding the cab, having bad tummy pain. Called him and he said he will only be back after dinner.

Im so utterly disappointed that i have to make my own to hospital. He doesnt understand the seriousness. Makes me wonder if he seriously want a kid. I miscarriaged once, so this baby is impt.

Does he even want a kid?
Almost seems like you are the only one here who wants the baby...

My husband quite insensitive also nvr ask me go classes myself... Go hospital urself I think that's very far fetched.
I lost my first one too... That was the first time I saw my husband cry by my bed. I had an ectopic pregnancy and was rushed to the hospital due to internal bleeding...
Was your hubby affected by the miscarriage? Or emotionless?
I think it's impt that both parents want a baby. Else it will be very tough on you.

 

[timmerin]

Whatever will be, will be...
Some things just can't be stopped if it's going to happen...

For one, most girls in here will be dil in time to come, most dil will be mil in time to come...
Make the best out of it and bond with the family, be it your own or in-laws.

Ever have a relative who guarded her baby son like uranium, untouchable. Always keeping her baby away from the in-laws and family, resulting in baby losing bonding with the family that was taking care of her and baby during hard times...

Haiz... shouldn't the child's benefits be above that of mother/father?

Rather that I enjoy large portion of time with my kids, in the name of bonding, and losing connection with the rest of the family.
I would love my children to be loved by all in the family.

hi, do u know why the relative kept her baby as an untouchable, away from in laws and family?

something makes me feel there's could be deeper reason behind this as no sane parent would want to keep her baby away n reject much needed babysitting help esp if relationships are warm n good.

 

[Mayochuu]

How do u ladies handle your husband who always place his mother on top priority despite u being pregnant?

I think your husband is crossing the line too far!

I would suggest a good talk with your husband. No matter how bad our MIL can be, as long as the husband stays close to us in all aspects (emotionally especially) most things they do will be bearable and worth sucking up for. And many many heart to heart talk is essential for two hearts to come into one place in my opinion. Good luck to you!

 

[Evon21]

Does he even want a kid?
Almost seems like you are the only one here who wants the baby...

My husband quite insensitive also nvr ask me go classes myself... Go hospital urself I think that's very far fetched.
I lost my first one too... That was the first time I saw my husband cry by my bed. I had an ectopic pregnancy and was rushed to the hospital due to internal bleeding...
Was your hubby affected by the miscarriage? Or emotionless?
I think it's impt that both parents want a baby. Else it will be very tough on you.

he was emotionless. can u imagine he still can text other girls just the day before my D&C in Jan. This is the good son my MIL proclaim to others

 

[Evon21]

I think your husband is crossing the line too far!

I would suggest a good talk with your husband. No matter how bad our MIL can be, as long as the husband stays close to us in all aspects (emotionally especially) most things they do will be bearable and worth sucking up for. And many many heart to heart talk is essential for two hearts to come into one place in my opinion. Good luck to you!

Hiya, it is useless talking to him. He always side his mother no matter right or wrong. I had slight spotting and tummy pain from the fall. He also dont bother to ask how am i. Nv bother to ask if i needed doc. He jus said I could have asked someone in the family to go back home with me.

Like i said, he only want kids coz his dearest mother is yearning for a grandson. Seriously dunno how to deal with him. He doesnt understand the pain and worries of pregnancy. From now onwards, i wont let him go for my checkups. He went coz he wants to know the gender so that he can update his mother.

 

[bretrayed]

with things getting worse and toward the direction of disaster. Are u prepare to take care of the newborn without his help?

why i am saying this is because, if u think talking to him is useless then u might have to expect for the worse.

Is there a 3rd party that can help to talk to him.?

 

[lavendards]

hi, do u know why the relative kept her baby as an untouchable, away from in laws and family?

something makes me feel there's could be deeper reason behind this as no sane parent would want to keep her baby away n reject much needed babysitting help esp if relationships are warm n good.

Bingo! Yes, there is a deeper reason. Apparently, she is using the baby as some kind of bargaining chip to get things out from people who cares for the baby.

Lucky for me that I don't behave like that. My daughter is doted on by all in my family, and my baby boy is the new apple to be adored by them.

Feel bad for her baby boy, but what choice we as relatives have when she decided to use her baby boy to get her in-laws and family to accede to whatever her requests/behaviours ... And her use of crying is legendary.

 

[lavendards]

How do u ladies handle your husband who always place his mother on top priority despite u being pregnant?

1. My MIL told him, antenatal class aint impt, she asks me to go myself coz im the mother i should know al those.

2. Knowing that we have something on weekends, she would always ask him over for dinner

3. Just experienced first hand, i wasnt informed he was going to stay there for dinner. Instead of fetching me from my parents home after his dinner, he asked me a pregnant woman to go home myself in a rainy day. Ended up i slipped and fell when boarding the cab, having bad tummy pain. Called him and he said he will only be back after dinner.

Im so utterly disappointed that i have to make my own to hospital. He doesnt understand the seriousness. Makes me wonder if he seriously want a kid. I miscarriaged once, so this baby is impt.

Think you two should really sit down and talk it through. Let him know the impt of him fulfilling his role as a husband/dad-to-be while you are trying hard to fulfill yours. Let him know of all the dangers one could meet nowadays and see his reaction. Let the mil knows too. For worst case scenarios, might want to ask in private whether he wanted baby in the first place. I ain't no saint but if things need to turn for the worst before it gets better... so be it.

 

[Mayochuu]

with things getting worse and toward the direction of disaster. Are u prepare to take care of the newborn without his help?

why i am saying this is because, if u think talking to him is useless then u might have to expect for the worse.

Is there a 3rd party that can help to talk to him.?

That is right, the support especially emotionally from the husband is extremely important during your baby's newborn days. If even talking doesn't work, it will be worse that you should expect for.

 

[Evon21]

Think you two should really sit down and talk it through. Let him know the impt of him fulfilling his role as a husband/dad-to-be while you are trying hard to fulfill yours. Let him know of all the dangers one could meet nowadays and see his reaction. Let the mil knows too. For worst case scenarios, might want to ask in private whether he wanted baby in the first place. I ain't no saint but if things need to turn for the worst before it gets better... so be it.

hiya, we spoken before. even my insurance agent who jud promoted to father also told him when we met up to discuss abt maternity insurance. He always say he knows.. but once his mom step into the picture, she is right all e way. Btw he is the one and only child. I can understand the need for him to attend to his parents. But i Just hate the way his mom do things and treat me. She said nice things infront of us and do another behind the back. She is depriving my time with the husband. she said she sees him twice a week full day while i see him everyday. She is not lidat initially, but showed her tail when we got married.

 

[Evon21]

That is right, the support especially emotionally from the husband is extremely important during your baby's newborn days. If even talking doesn't work, it will be worse that you should expect for.

Hi Mayochuu, he doesnt give a damn shit on emotional support. His mom taught him so. She told him he doesn't have to get involved as my pregnancy aint that impt as spending time with his parents. Pointless continuing this marriage with this kind of hubby and MIL.

 

[betc]

Sounds like they don't even bother who the mother of the baby is. They just want the baby.

 

[Evon21]

Sounds like they don't even bother who the mother of the baby is. They just want the baby.

Bingo! even my gynae observed and said the husband was emotionless throughout e consulations and my miscarriage surgery. He was wondering how can a father to be is such emotionless.

 

[timmerin]

evon21, how old is your hubby btw? he sounds inexperienced and mentally ill prepared for the responsibility of caring for a baby. this sounds like a wrong setup and in the long run the situation can worsen.

does ur hubby have any relatives/friends who already have experience with kids?

since u r a first time mummy it is gd if u can encourage the friendship betw ur hubby n his relative/friend (preferably a man) who has a family.

its gd to widen your family support network... and on times of need u can have ppl around to seek advice on how to handle problems that may crop up.

 

[lavendards]

Sounds like they don't even bother who the mother of the baby is. They just want the baby.

Think in this case, they don't even bother who the baby is from, thus the lack of support even during pregnancy...

 

[betc]

Aiyoh then life will be more tough after baby's born.

 

[Evon21]

evon21, how old is your hubby btw? he sounds inexperienced and mentally ill prepared for the responsibility of caring for a baby. this sounds like a wrong setup and in the long run the situation can worsen.

does ur hubby have any relatives/friends who already have experience with kids?

since u r a first time mummy it is gd if u can encourage the friendship betw ur hubby n his relative/friend (preferably a man) who has a family.

its gd to widen your family support network... and on times of need u can have ppl around to seek advice on how to handle problems that may crop up.

Hi Timmerin, he is 35yo alrdi. His mom doesnt mingle with her own siblings as well as her husband's. They are just so isolated. She is being super possessive over the son. They doesnt keep contact with relatives. In this world, that's only the 3 of them. His kom upbringing is terrible that he doesnt know basic manners and respects.

Anyway their cunning tails only show up after marriage. Best of all both mother and son dont heed advices, which i have tried. His mother is always right on everything so he obeys

 

[Evon21]

can u guys imagine, a husband being so unconcerned over the wife pregnancy. Dont bother to ask how is the checkup n stuff. only thing they asked is gender.

 

[shoppixe]

can u guys imagine, a husband being so unconcerned over the wife pregnancy. Dont bother to ask how is the checkup n stuff. only thing they asked is gender.

No offense lah... Why are you still with him. What did you see in him?
Even my husband whom I think it's spoilt and not well conditioned to be a dad also not so Jia Lat. he wld play hp when we enter Gynae office. Also kana from me.

Zoom back to before marriage, what was it you saw in him? To make a big step like marriage there has to be something that you saw in your husband.

 

[september]

Evon21,

how many mths pregnant are u now? Was he like this during ur previous pregnancy where u mentioned u m/c?

 

[Chocolate Chip]

Hi Evon, since ur HB is only interested in the gender of the baby, u must be prepared for worst case scenario if turns out it's not the gender he and mil wants. In any case, do think carefully about this marriage.
I believe u got pregnant again even though u know his pattern from the 1st time is because u hoped the new baby might improve things?

 

[Evon21]

Evon21,

how many mths pregnant are u now? Was he like this during ur previous pregnancy where u mentioned u m/c?

Hiya, im 16 weeks plus now. Previous one he did went for gynae checkups, until the final one gynae said cant keep baby. At least he was there for situations like this. During then his mom did mention on no need to accompany. e day before my surgery he was still messaging other girls.

 

[Evon21]

No offense lah... Why are you still with him. What did you see in him?
Even my husband whom I think it's spoilt and not well conditioned to be a dad also not so Jia Lat. he wld play hp when we enter Gynae office. Also kana from me.

Zoom back to before marriage, what was it you saw in him? To make a big step like marriage there has to be something that you saw in your husband.

I have already shifted back to my parents home. Had enough of him and his mother's nonsense.

 

[Mayochuu]

I have already shifted back to my parents home. Had enough of him and his mother's nonsense.

Wise choice dear!

It is important for you to stay in a good mood now, dont see dont hear better for you! But yes, I agree with Chocolate Chip, if they only care about gender (I am guessing they want boy) be prepared how to handle them if it's not what they prefer.

Also if it is what they prefer, don't just go home to them. Stay a little longer with your parents, be well taken care of, and see how that side react first bah.

 

[shoppixe]

I have already shifted back to my parents home. Had enough of him and his mother's nonsense.

Sounds like you have a supportive family! That's good. I gather you are financially independent too. I personally feel it's important for mummies to earn their own keep. At least you have options

 

[Evon21]

Wise choice dear!

It is important for you to stay in a good mood now, dont see dont hear better for you! But yes, I agree with Chocolate Chip, if they only care about gender (I am guessing they want boy) be prepared how to handle them if it's not what they prefer.

Also if it is what they prefer, don't just go home to them. Stay a little longer with your parents, be well taken care of, and see how that side react first bah.

No matter boy or girl, i dont think we can get back together. I will fight for the custody no matter what. It would be better off for them to find a maid to take care of them. They need a maid and baby making machine. He should just find someone else who doesnt mind him not being faithful in marriage.

 

[september]

Evon21,

Move on....he is nt ready for marriage or bb yet.....jia you!

 

[lifeistooshorttobesad]

Hi, i'm new to this forum. I just got married this year and currently staying with my husband's family.
I don't have a child yet because i dont want to get pregnant at this time as these problems stop me from having a baby now. Gosh! Does anyone have all these problems too?

My mil doesn't knows how to cook
She get drunk and become very dramatic
She's quite lazy
Their house is so dirty and dusty
They have 3 dogs at home


I dread to go back home man! i just go home and lock myself in the room.

 

[september]

Hi, i'm new to this forum. I just got married this year and currently staying with my husband's family.
I don't have a child yet because i dont want to get pregnant at this time as these problems stop me from having a baby now. Gosh! Does anyone have all these problems too?

My mil doesn't knows how to cook
She get drunk and become very dramatic
She's quite lazy
Their house is so dirty and dusty
They have 3 dogs at home


I dread to go back home man! i just go home and lock myself in the room.

Are you waiting for your new place and so staying with ur in laws temporary?

 

[lifeistooshorttobesad]

Hi september,

I'm applying for flat now currently . i tried SBF but couldn't get it . i cant wait for bto. it's too long. 4-5 years range.

 

[Lambi]

Hi september,

I'm applying for flat now currently . i tried SBF but couldn't get it . i cant wait for bto. it's too long. 4-5 years range.

Maybe rent a plc outside just u and Ur hubby?

 

[frog]

Hi, i'm new to this forum. I just got married this year and currently staying with my husband's family.
I don't have a child yet because i dont want to get pregnant at this time as these problems stop me from having a baby now. Gosh! Does anyone have all these problems too?

My mil doesn't knows how to cook
She get drunk and become very dramatic
She's quite lazy
Their house is so dirty and dusty
They have 3 dogs at home


I dread to go back home man! i just go home and lock myself in the room.

Consider one of these options:
1. Stay with your parents (sighting cannot deal with 3 dogs?)
2. Stay with a relative / cousin etc which might be nearer to workplace?
3. Keep trying the SBF and even open market. Older flats tend to be much bigger. Stay near your parents, so you get more HDB grant.

 

[september]

Ur hb know what is bothering u in staying with his parent? What is his stand and suggestion/solution?

 

[jasmintan]

I'm in a similar situation as you, lifeistooshorttobesad.

I've just been married for four months, and that was after I had a miscarriage. I'm now living with my husband and his parents in their home and for these four months, I've been living so uncomfortably.

Everyone in the house has to shower in my parents-in-law room and I feel so so awkward and uncomfortable parading myself in front of my FIL as he lies in bed watching TV. I feel so embarrassed I always have to walk in and out of their room in my PJs and I hate that. Why are they so insensitive? They insist we shower in their room as well even though there's a common toilet in the kitchen.

And also, their family has a habit of saving water so they do not flush the toilet bowl after every time it's been used and I find that so disgusting and unhygienic. I will flush before I use but after I use I'll have to wait for awhile before I can flush again as my FIL controls the amount of water that's being flushed by some knob.

I hardly drink water in that house because they boil the water and keep topping up a container which they never really wash frequently. There were a few times I saw particles in my glass as I was drinking so I try not to drink water there.

My MIL always keeps all the leftover foods and will reheat by microwaving them for dinner, and sometimes add a few 'fresh' dishes. There was once a dish was damaged because it was left over for too long I believe.

I feel like I've been living so unhappily over these past four months and I really pity myself. So I'll try to go back to my own home as often as I can. My husband recently has shown his displeasure as he thinks I've not even tried to get myself used to the new environment. I was upset with him because he failed to understand me and my feelings. We are trying for a child now and I think it's impossible for me to get pregnant again in such an environment whereby I can't even eat, drink, shower, or pee comfortably.

I had a fight with my husband on Thursday night, I left to come back to my own home on Friday morning, he came over on Friday night to have a big fight with me in front of my parents, and I haven't seen him since he left that night. We haven't spoken and he hasn't texted me nor called me. I am disappointed I married such a man who can cast me aside so easily.

 

[gladjo]

Jasmintan

Thats why b4 marriage it is important to spent time with his family to.know their lifestlye.

Why not apply for a small room .. rentals these days have dropped alot or alternativley stay with yr parents till ur house come. I had a friend who did this arrangement. Though married they live apart till their house is availavle.

 

[tensilestrain]

Jasmintan, it is easier to meet each other than to live together. 相见好同住难。

i have no solution to the showering. You can try to talk to your husband about it. But for toilet, you can prepare a small pail. Before you use, flush the toilet. After you use, use the pail to get some water and flush it again with that water.

You can get your own water container or help to wash the container they are using before they top up.

You can volunteer to buy the dinner once in a while so your mil can take a rest. Then encourage everyone to help in finishing the dishes you bought as the food would not taste as nice if reheat.


These are just some ways to improve your situation.

Sometimes we just have to give and take. Not everyone is the same and we all have different lifestyles.