trinity4ever
Member
Hi all,
I have been a silent reader on this thread and my heart goes out to all who are suffering under those monster in laws. I don't have a problem with mine,mainly cos we live apart and my mil is quite open. However I have a different set of problems. I see my mum being bullied by my sis in law and I'm wondering how I can help... (My mum is very chin chye type and sometimes get bullied by her friends too.. haiz.)
To start off, my father passed away when we were quite young, leaving my elder brother and I. My mum was an ex babysitter and even though she is a sahm most of the time, I would say she is very open minded and never insisted on any traditional stuff, wedding, confinement etc. She also constantly upgrades herself and even goes for computing classes. So when my brother got married and I was working overseas then, she told me brother that she is fine with him moving out, cos she knows young couples need their privacy. However my brother insisted staying together and my mum was like "ok lor". My mum cooks most meals and she is a very good cook so my bro and sil come back for most meals. But they treat her like maid, never help out with chores and even if they were the last to finish the soup in the pot, they'll leave it for my mum to wash.. btw my bro didn't used to be like that. I witnessed this many times when I went home to stay during holidays. When my sil got pregnant, my mum made bird's nest, double boiled soups (mum's Cantonese) and made sure sil was well taken care of. My nephew came out and they asked my mum to take care of the child, so my mum agreed. She also adhered to everything my sil says, handling of bm, massaging baby after bathing, clean eyes and mouth only with cotton buds even though these weren't things she did as a babysitter in the past. She accepted these are new practices and followed suit. It helped that I was pregnant then and I could also educate my mum on the new ways. However, sil's attitude just got worse. She'll order my mum around, doesn't address her, obviously doesn't do any housework.. My mum doesn't complain much to me but I witnessed all this as a bystander. And my bro.... he's an ostrich la. I don't want to see my mum so unhappy, what can I do? I would want to speak to my brother about it but I'm worried he'll think my mum carried tales. Btw, they are giving her $800 but that includes all their meals, electricity, all the household stuff and looking after my nephew. They are both graduates in their 30s and earning okay salaries. The flat is my
mum's. Paisei for the very long post
Hi Lin
U spoke to yr mum & she expressed her unhappiness or you observed that she is truly unhappy? I thought is impt how your mum feels. Generation of her age may not feel like how we do though i'm not saying that it is right that she is being 'bullied'.
I suppose there is no need 'outright' confrontation. If you see yr bro nvr washed the dishes, can just jokingly 'remind' him? During home conversation (eg after dinner etc.), you can always casually bring out some 'examples' (which you can claim is your colleagues shared with you etc.) and just talk abt it. I'm sure after sometime they will get the 'hint'. Every year, let your mum go for an overseas trip - to be fully sponsored by your bro & you. You can always tell yr bro is considered a break for your mum. Afterall, she has no MC, no annual leave, no bonuses etc for the wk done. During your mum's absence, let your bro & sil hv a taste of taking care of housework & child. Hopefully they will be more appreciative in future