hi
My baby is 5 months old. Before I got pregnant, my hubby made me promise that I will let his parents take care of our baby. Of course I didn't commit because I find that it's ridiculous to make me promise this kind of thing.
When I got pregnant, my hubby pestered me again. I didn't say anything. After I gave birth, my hubby reiterated to me again that he wants his parents to babysit. And this is even so when my mil is obviously not capable of doing so. She has been leading a tai-tai life. Doesn't really do housework. When my hubby was young, he was left with his granny to look after.
So now i have intentions of letting my mum babysit as she's got more experience (she used to babysit babies to earn an income) and of course, letting my own mum babysit will minimise conflict and friction. Even though, my hubby didn't say anything to his parents, they already assume and super eager to babysit. During my confinement, they would drop by EVERYDAY even though I need my rest (I had no confinement nanny and I looked after baby on my own). When baby was sleeping, they would even carry him and it does not help when hubby keep on asking them to carry and they would happily do so.
Initially I was thinking ok let my mil try. She tried but the way she handled my baby, i was thinking ok cannot make it. My baby happen to be the very squirmy type, need to be pat and coaxed to sleep. Then keep on asking me why like that. Said that last time when my hubby young, he could fall asleep on his own. My baby doesn't take pacifier, she also asked why like that. Whenever baby in her arms, she couldn't carry properly and this made him uncomfortable and he would start fussing. And can u imagine I have to teach and show my mil how to change diaper? And before this, she kept on telling me that looking after babies is so easy? Once, I was trying to coax baby to sleep, he was whining away but that's just him cos he's the type who will whine before he will finally fall asleep. My mil came and suddenly started shaking a rattle right in front of his face! I had to tell her to stop doing that as he was just about to fall asleep!
Honestly, I felt very cheated cos at first i already came to accept the fact I'll let my inlaws babysit but looking at the way my mil is handling the baby, I lost all faith and confidence. So I told my hubby that I don't think I want his parents to take care. He started to get upset and said that he doesn't want to "deprive" his parents. It was then that I knew that my son is for him to keep his parents company! I was of course angry. 1st, his parents have strong preference for boys (my hubby a little bit too) and now my son is being used as an entity to keep his parents company!
I decided to convert my job to part time to work 2 days a week. And when i told them of my decision, they were discouraging me to convert, which I suspect is because this would mean they would not be able to take care of baby. Even my hubby also kinda discouraged me. I was angry because I chose to give up my full-time salary and no one applauded me for that and instead made me feel like I was doing the wrong thing! Despite my anger, I decided to appease my hubby and his parents by letting them babysit during the 2 days when I gotta work, even though my mil can't handle. I had to go to work with a heavy heart wondering how's my baby coping.
Then came a week whereby my fil had to go overseas, leaving my mil alone. Since she's alone, i thought better not let her babysit cos she wont be able to manage alone. So I asked my mom for help to look after for 1 day. As my hubby was overseas, he didn't realise until I told him over the phone. He got so mad that I asked my mom instead of his mom that both of us had an argument. I really dont know why is he so upset over this??? I think that it is ridiculous!! It's like he only allows his parents to have access to babysit my baby.. and he started to say that it would disrupt baby's routine and so on, which of course i think is not the real reason.
My inlaws have other grandchildren but they did not look after them and so now my hubby wants to "give them a chance" to look after. What really also irritates me is that my inlaws are always vying for my baby's attention! When my fil carries him when I'm around and my baby starts crying, he would carry him and walk away from me cos my hubby said mummy is here and baby only wants me. My hubby will also ask me to go away.
Now, I'm really wondering is there something wrong with me or something wrong with my hubby's mentality?? Why is he so adamant about letting his parents and not my mom take care? What is wrong with me letting my mom helping me for that week when my mil is all alone?? I constantly have this impression that he wants baby to be very close with his parents. I told him about my thoughts but he flatly denied. And yet he said he doesn't want to "deprive" his parents??? This is seriously affecting our relationship. What can I do to get around this?
My baby is 5 months old. Before I got pregnant, my hubby made me promise that I will let his parents take care of our baby. Of course I didn't commit because I find that it's ridiculous to make me promise this kind of thing.
When I got pregnant, my hubby pestered me again. I didn't say anything. After I gave birth, my hubby reiterated to me again that he wants his parents to babysit. And this is even so when my mil is obviously not capable of doing so. She has been leading a tai-tai life. Doesn't really do housework. When my hubby was young, he was left with his granny to look after.
So now i have intentions of letting my mum babysit as she's got more experience (she used to babysit babies to earn an income) and of course, letting my own mum babysit will minimise conflict and friction. Even though, my hubby didn't say anything to his parents, they already assume and super eager to babysit. During my confinement, they would drop by EVERYDAY even though I need my rest (I had no confinement nanny and I looked after baby on my own). When baby was sleeping, they would even carry him and it does not help when hubby keep on asking them to carry and they would happily do so.
Initially I was thinking ok let my mil try. She tried but the way she handled my baby, i was thinking ok cannot make it. My baby happen to be the very squirmy type, need to be pat and coaxed to sleep. Then keep on asking me why like that. Said that last time when my hubby young, he could fall asleep on his own. My baby doesn't take pacifier, she also asked why like that. Whenever baby in her arms, she couldn't carry properly and this made him uncomfortable and he would start fussing. And can u imagine I have to teach and show my mil how to change diaper? And before this, she kept on telling me that looking after babies is so easy? Once, I was trying to coax baby to sleep, he was whining away but that's just him cos he's the type who will whine before he will finally fall asleep. My mil came and suddenly started shaking a rattle right in front of his face! I had to tell her to stop doing that as he was just about to fall asleep!
Honestly, I felt very cheated cos at first i already came to accept the fact I'll let my inlaws babysit but looking at the way my mil is handling the baby, I lost all faith and confidence. So I told my hubby that I don't think I want his parents to take care. He started to get upset and said that he doesn't want to "deprive" his parents. It was then that I knew that my son is for him to keep his parents company! I was of course angry. 1st, his parents have strong preference for boys (my hubby a little bit too) and now my son is being used as an entity to keep his parents company!
I decided to convert my job to part time to work 2 days a week. And when i told them of my decision, they were discouraging me to convert, which I suspect is because this would mean they would not be able to take care of baby. Even my hubby also kinda discouraged me. I was angry because I chose to give up my full-time salary and no one applauded me for that and instead made me feel like I was doing the wrong thing! Despite my anger, I decided to appease my hubby and his parents by letting them babysit during the 2 days when I gotta work, even though my mil can't handle. I had to go to work with a heavy heart wondering how's my baby coping.
Then came a week whereby my fil had to go overseas, leaving my mil alone. Since she's alone, i thought better not let her babysit cos she wont be able to manage alone. So I asked my mom for help to look after for 1 day. As my hubby was overseas, he didn't realise until I told him over the phone. He got so mad that I asked my mom instead of his mom that both of us had an argument. I really dont know why is he so upset over this??? I think that it is ridiculous!! It's like he only allows his parents to have access to babysit my baby.. and he started to say that it would disrupt baby's routine and so on, which of course i think is not the real reason.
My inlaws have other grandchildren but they did not look after them and so now my hubby wants to "give them a chance" to look after. What really also irritates me is that my inlaws are always vying for my baby's attention! When my fil carries him when I'm around and my baby starts crying, he would carry him and walk away from me cos my hubby said mummy is here and baby only wants me. My hubby will also ask me to go away.
Now, I'm really wondering is there something wrong with me or something wrong with my hubby's mentality?? Why is he so adamant about letting his parents and not my mom take care? What is wrong with me letting my mom helping me for that week when my mil is all alone?? I constantly have this impression that he wants baby to be very close with his parents. I told him about my thoughts but he flatly denied. And yet he said he doesn't want to "deprive" his parents??? This is seriously affecting our relationship. What can I do to get around this?