How's life with 2 children?

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slapurface

Active Member
My hubby n I wan to have a second child .. But tht means we must earn more money , have lesser time and most prob more quarrels ..

Cos we imagine I will be busy with little baby then I will shout at him to help me with the toddler who is either messing something or shouting for attention , then he either slow or clumsily help and get frustrated ..then I have to soothe the baby in hand , scold the toddler if he at fault then if still have patience , encourage my husband , if no more patience piss off at my husband ...... Then we also imagine if now 1 toddler we kind of take turns to eat when we go out then if two it will be worse ..

So in the end , although I have the mentality of have first then say , he rather give up the idea .. He is all stressed up when we imagine possible scenarios and the fact that our income cannot have any changes , if he Wana take a break from work , it's impossible alrdy ..

Any advice from parents of two ,threes ? Or of similar situation? Is it a toll on marriage IF u have no helper and u are not born with silver spoon ..
 


Hang in there.

My boys are only one year apart. When I learnt that I had my second baby, I was bent to abort it no matter what.

But .... twist of fate. I kept it.

In the beginning, I really regretted having the second child. But now, sooooooo glad I didn't make the stupid move.

The boys fight, play, scream, scold, swear at each other. But they love each other just as much.

It's gets better as they grow older. But then again, it depends how you bring them up. Whether you are fair person to both.
 
Ha, what slapurface had imagine is true, but I think it'll get better when time goes by, just like what Taitai had said.

I have 2 children, now they are 4 and 2.5 years old, they are just 20 month apart. I kind of regretted having my boy when he's just few months old, the situation was more or less like what slapurface had described, but it is just a phase and now I feel blessed whenever I see them playing with each other. Yes, they do quarrel and fight for toys, but you'll need to teach them and explain to them slowly, I complained on this a lot when my boy was 1 year plus, but now he kind of understand better and the sister also will give in to him most of the time. When they are playing with other kids, they'll kind of protect each other and gang up as a team, I pity those kids who have no siblings and got left out sometimes.
Now let me talk about my cousins, I've a twins cousin who was only 3+ when I was 19. I helped my aunt to look after them when my aunt needed to go out to work as a part time cleaner. The two of then misbehaved at home most of the time, one thrown the rice all over the floor and the other one was beating me with a cloth hanger. I was chasing them around the house like mad, and since then I swear I'll never have twins. But now they've grown up to be well-mannered adult, both studying and doing well at college, my aunt are so happy to have the twins with her, who she can chat with and going out with.
So, I just want to let you know, whatever stress stuff that you've imagined, whatever problems that you've now because of 2 or more kids, are true, but only for the first few years. Things will definitely get better and better.
 
Ya lor .. When we want to kids we imagine the picture of two happily playing n cooperating kids .. But when we think of the chaos .. My husband scared .. For me , On top of children thing mentioned I also scared my relationship with my husband will turn bad .. Cos I keep hearing ppl quarrel over kids .. 1 child we alrdy have such issues which we have learnt to cope now life become more peaceful we seem ready for second one .. But scared if have wil regret .. On the other hand scared if never try next time regret too ... I scared my son lonely n no support ..like those kids that musicbox pity
 
I would suggest you to have a wider age gap between the children. It will be easier for you to take care of them. I see my friend child whom is 4-5 yrs older than the younger one. She will help the parents look after the baby and is also independent to do things on her own, like bathing and dressing herself.

I myself have 2 kids, a 2yrs age gap. I am a changed person after my 2nd child is born. I get irritated easily, always losing my temper, shout and cry easily. I am a SAHM and its really stressful looking after 2 young children. Luckily, I have a very tolerant hb and a loving mum to help me at times. You need to have A LOT of patience. Just be mentally prepared.
 
Just recently ago i was also asking my hubby about having another child but throughly thinking of our current situation like unstable pay (my hubby in sales and my salary was low) , we couldn't afford to bring another sibling for our boy into the world... Not only finances, we even need help from my mil when i'm working at night, so i think it will be difficult for her handle another one if we really have. Plus i love the personal time i have for my boy and hubby, and enjoy the moments like watching movie with hubby once in a while. Although i am envious whdn i heard people pregnant with their second cos their family will be more lively but i really think that our current arrangement is just nice and prefect. I can't imagine losing my patience on my toddler and newborn and losing even more time to communicate with my hubby, and of course, more budget to spend on education, allowance... I feel that in order to raise kids must have good support and sanity, envy of mums who is willing to go through this, please don't regret!
 
I am a mother of a boy and a gal with the age different of abt 2 and half yrs. We hv no helper. My son went to CC after my gal is born and continue to be taken care by the nanny. So nite time it is me and my hb alone to handle 2 kids. Yes, intially it is tough, and we quarrel alot due to kids. but nw, our kids are 5 yrs old and 2 1/2 yrs old our r/s are getting better so is the r/s between my 2 kids.

Juz think it thru and see if u r ready for no. 2.

;-)
 
Thanks everyone .. Hai .. I guess I jus take one step at a time see how lor .. My heart wants but my Brain say not worth it if one more child I may be looking for trouble , add stress to everyone Hai ..
 
Cheeky monkey .. My situation like u lor .. But I also wonder is it because we r selfish that's why We will think of not having second child .. Cos by right children with siblings tend to have more security n seem more "whole" .. last time ppl can have 3,4 children and sacrifice their time n luxury for kids .. Why I will even think that I may be unhappy to sacrifice more .. But if analyse in details it is really gonna be tough .. If my husband or I lose patience then end up keep quarreling , like find trouble for my current happy family ..
 
I'm cheeksymummy not cheeky monkey lol... I don't think we're selfish, the fact that we are hesitating is because we want to be equally responsible for our family's happiness too! We can't really compare olden days, most of them do not have family planning thus one comes another... When they have too much to handle they give away to relatives or other people for adoption. And also many kids and barely have enough to survive, in this modern era do we want this kind of lifestyle? Mums in the olden days can cope because they have more time as SAHMs and even the minority FTWM have more support as their sisters or mums also likely to be SAHMs. SAHMs last time freely let their child roam around in kampong compared to now even our kid go to small playground we have to watch them like a hawk... Maybe i'm pretty hands on with my kid to the extend that if i wanna have #2, i also want to do the same as what i do with my first like the patience i have with him, and the school he is in which i know i can't give. And i'm definitely overstretched in terms of finance, sanity (i get cranky with lack of sleep) and time. I work erratic hours and it's already unfair to my MIL and boy, even though i always go home after work to fetch my boy, still i find myself not enough time to spend with my family even i know i've tried my best to be a dutiful mum and wife. No way i'm splitting my limited moments for another child for now. And to forsee quarreling with husband more often, i do forsee with my husband. Even no quarrel the communication and bonding also lesser too. Besides i place my hubby above the idea of having #2 because we are a team. If he is not ready i should respect it because only happy parents makes happy children. Not point to have more kids but parents quarreling often or being cranky and resentful. Even when my hubby and i quarrel over stupid things once in a blue moon my boy looks frighten too, can't imagine if more if this could happen which of course i dont want it to happen. Only have more if both of you are ready, not because of peer pressure or society thinks it's incomplete to have one child, or because our only child will be a loner child if no siblings for them.
 
Oops cheeksymummy! Sorry iPhone autocorrect lol!! Yea totally agree .. Perhaps there may be abit of pressure unknowingly .. My mum keep saying don think so much if u wait to be ready by then u become too old very tiring for u then would hesitate again because of age. She also say if cannot decide then str away confirm dun go for second one alrdy , jus be happy with one .. She say she rather I have 1 child than to have second child late .. Which I kinda agree .. The older u get the more tiring it is to chase n run after te little ones ..my mil also never commented on our family planning before .. So i'm grateful for my mother's and mil's understanding . I totally can feel the pek chek feelings of taitai n bebe n diana when u see 2 kids fight n mess the peace .. Seems like if we wana have more than 1, we must be prepared for a few years of chaos then can start seeing rainbow after children grow up to sch going age and hope by then relationship with hubby haven't gone too bad ...

*side track - those with >1 kids do u all try to slim down after u confirm u dunwan more kids or u try to slim after each kid ?
 
Haha it's ok i burst out laughing when i saw that lol... Actually i thought of having a five years gap as by then my boy will be more independent but the thought of starting all over also makes me feel tired and scared too. Even though we had our boy in our twenties we already feel so tired to chase him around as he runs very fast and struggles with great strength when having tantrum. My mil also says he is very strong too! Imagine have two really dunno how to cope lol... Its good that your mum and in laws dont interfere with your family planning as it's a personal decision. Only you and your hubby knows whether it will be better to two or just have one
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Ya ! Super tired right ! I rmb the breastfeeding times ! Keep pumping my husband helps to wash the oily apparatus so frequently we were so tired .. N the bathing is so tiring my back so pain ! And the changing if diaper when he keeps flipping ! And when we carry he sometimes swing back ! Now he walks n runs , he Wana come down walk I chase him he run faster ! I shout then I feel very paiseh ... Finally coping then start all over really super scary !!! And is double combo! Although my hub will help but sometimes he cannot take it he will tantrum n give up like " aiya I dunno what he wan la!" Then sometimes he will say we really need a maid ! So now he like adapting Liao not so bad Liao I like counsellor I will tell him ok calm down , if bb go into berserk it wouldn't help if u berserk too ...if two dunno he will insane and run away from home not
 
Yeah those times i remembered when i put my newborn in playpen and sleep a short while he will wake up, i had to bend over and carry him, sit up while breastfeeding and my back hurts like mad. Short like a month later i give up doing it and co sleep with him since he was breastfed. My health was no longer the same as pre pregnancy and i feel cold easily. I dunno is it because our kids are boy, they are really active, they should join running man seriously! Haha... Like your husband there are times my husband also cannot tolerate my boy's tantrum and that's when i'll step in and take over the situation like carry him away and vice versa. I guess if you really scared hubby berserk i think better hold the idea, unless he keeps on asking you to have one more bah. Maid is like having another kid, it wouldn't solve the problem loh lol...
 
Hi mummies,

I have 2 sons, age 10 and 12 (almost 13). Age gap less than 3 years. I am a SAHM and have been since my elder son was born. I have no maid and no parental help. I must say that I really love having kids and raising them, although I must say it was really solid hard work. However, I still remember the laughter and joys of being with them especially when they were very young and so cute. I really miss the times when we can play and enjoy and not care about school work etc. And when I look at them now, I wonder why I didn't have a third child. I would have liked another girl, if possible, but alas our decision at that time was not to have anymore children. I kind of regret it now.

Do think about the good times. Don't worry about the difficult times especially if you are able to engage help of some form. Maybe you can get part time helper to clean the place if you are working. Or get parents to help out maybe 2 week nights. That might ease your workload a bit. The times when they are little are the most fun to be around them. Their cuteness, innocence, etc., will never be forgotten. And with more than 1 child, they will learn to play together, so you are freed of your time with them sometimes. Otherwise, the single child may stick to the parent and want company all the time. That makes the parent very busy even when they are schooling. And a child with siblings are usually more accomodating and caring. And they can look out for each other, especially when they are in school.

Although children are so cute when they are young, the schooling times and the growing up period of a child to adolescence are also times to be cherished. Their thoughts become more mature and slowly they become more analytical. I can engage in conversations and discussions with them now. Although we have our daily conflicts and arguments, especially when I tutor them in their school work, we are happy to be with each other.

Conflicts occur when there are differences in opinions. Resolving conflicts are also part of learning to be a family.

Do think through your decisions!
 
Oh, I must say that if the gap between kids are wider, say about 6 years, the older child tends to be a good help to the parent. And they usually love the young one very much. My neighbour has 2 sons, age 9 and 11. She has a younger boy who is 2 years old. They all love him to bits. And us too. The older boys help with the young toddler too.
 
slapurface,

Yes, I took a program and slim down after I decide to stop at 2 and after breastfeeding did nt help me to slim down.

Lay Koon, u are so lucky, I was nv able to slim down after 2 kids despite I bf (pump out) my gal for 1 yr. Tat is why I decide to do something abt it. heehee
 
Lay koon n Diana , that's great
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cos i was wondering Many ppl say wait till they close factory then lose wt .. Dunno is that more difficult than starting out slim before second pregnancy haha .. Good for u guys congrats .

Lay koon it's heartening to hear that u love to brg up children , u are such a patient n sacrificial mum that u overlook all the tiring frustrating daily mundane challenges of having multiple children.Thx , it's encouraging
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yea I think big age gap btw two kids really work cos i see my fren also like that .. her eldest dayghter auto bathe the little one when my fren is nappin! real neat ! It's like magic to nap and wake up with things done on ur behalf .. cheeksymummy , yea my body also not the same , neck pain shoulder pain arms ache back breaking but no chance go massage .. And actually we cannot go forward w the plan also partly because I refuse To have a maid .. I agree that maid is like a kid that helps .. One more thing to worry .. But hubby say he cannot help me le .. Unless gt maid or unless I can manage the 2 kids on my own he only can help abit
 
My two toddlers are very active and loud - opposite to their parents who are both the quiet type.

Daily tasks can be pretty challenging as children are children.

But I am always reminding myself that children need the parents' love, patience and attention. How we treat them today, they wil remember for life.

So I improve my ways and strive to be a good example for them.
 
Hey, I hv 2 lovely boys with an age gap of 13 mths. The initial overlapping 1st year was indeed v tiring but it is all worth it. Though I hv a helper, she only helps me now tt the boys are approaching 2 and 3. And I really enjoy the interactions between the 2 boys. Yes, life will never be the same, house is more chaotic and messier, but I feel it is all worth it seeing their smiles and the companionship they provide for each other especially when hubby and I spend a lot of time at work. Now I m even thinkin should I try for a #3 considering tt i m im my late 30s. It also means going thru the whole tiring cycle again, but it is only for a first 1-2 years. And yes, to convince my hubby. Being a 2nd time dad, he is more hands on automatically with the boys compared to when we first had my elder son...
 
Ha, if I did not see this thread, I almost forgotten what I've gone through when my second child was born. Now I'm totally enjoying the accompany of my 2 kids, is a pleasure to have them around, always laughter. The quarreling part is lesser and lesser when they are growing up and I can have more free time when the two of them are playing together.
Anyway the choice is yours
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Aww thx for sharing .. It's really encouraging that there's mummies who never regret having 2 or more kids and is having a happy time ... I hope I can be lucky and have a happy time instead of stressful time if I do have more children .. I will be discussing with my hubby again with more positivity see what he says
 
Hi slapurface, I only have one child and she is turning 3. I have decided not to have another child as I am in my early 40s, and secondly, I do not have any support to help me. Though compared to those with more than one child, I should find it easier to cope, however, with my hubby working shift, my days are revolved around my gal, 24 by 7. To me, it is very tiring, as I have to work, rush to fetch her from childcare, attend to her from the evening hours until she sleeps. No more me time at all, let alone time for friends or shopping, etc. It is worse when she is sick, as practically my leave is saved for her in times of illness or childcare is closed, etc.

I do enjoy motherhood n there is lots of joy having a child but to consider having a sibling for her is out of question for me, unless i have family support, or helper. And to top it all, not many employers are kind and understanding when u need to apply urgent leave when child is sick
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I have 1 boy that is 16 months old. #2 (Girl) is arriving in 2 months time.. everyone say it's perfect when they heard that im having 1 boy, 1 gal. but the problem is their age gap is only 18 months apart. hmm.. i wonder how to cope. My #1 is quite a fun and cheerful boy, but he loves attention and being engaged the whole day. With #2 arriving, not sure how my boy will cope with lesser attention on him.

I guess the only good part is im still in a momentum of looking after young babies. so i can easily adjust to the night regular feeds and taking care of newborn. but the first few yrs will probably be like shit. But i guess things will get better after 2 to 3 years when both start to grow up and can do things more independently.
 
Hi Catherine,
My girl and boy are 20 month apart. The first year is hard coz need to take care the infant and elder seem trying to get attention after younger one born.
Then second year is hard because they tend to fight for toys, attention, and our love. But now the third year, things getting much better, I'm glad they're only 1 year apart coz they can go to school together, play together, share toys and etc. Is fun when u see them behaving like a twin talking to each other.
If given a chance again, I'll still give birth to number 2 and their 20mth gap is just nice
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I have 2 kids and is expecting a third one. They'll be 3 years apart each. I find that it is generally pretty manageable with this age gap. They tend to understand what you tell them (although they may not always listen)! Of course, there is the usual sibling rivalry, the snatching of toys etc - but I limit my memory. I try to remember the times they turn to each other on the street and say something like "jie, so tired <hug>"... when the elder one just lie down on the little one's lap... when they stuff each other's unwanted food to another... when they whisper to each other... I feel that having siblings enriches their life relationship and experience.

I personally love children, and my #1 has been brain-washing #2 to ask for another sibling forever. I am a FTWM and has a maid to take care of #2 when he was younger. They are both in full day childcare now. I plan to switch to part time work (if I can find one! next year, when #1 goes to primary school). My husband works long hours and hardly ever see the children on weekdays. At most 10mins a day! So he brings in the bacon. I get passed on for promotions and openly tells my bosses that work is not my priority - it is a part that I play for the family, a sacrafice that I am most willing to make.

We just had our first overseas holiday in the last four years. I had my first smartphone last year. We live in an HDB flat. None of my clothes cost over $80 so far, I probably have 6 pairs of footwear all add-together, I have 2 non-branded handbags, we have a small family car, me and my children take in lots of hand-me-downs. I tell my friends, my only luxury in life is in fact, my children!
 
Wa frogprincess u n ur hubby very wei da leh ! Like my parents .. Their honeymoon was genting and have never been further until recently I brought them out to see some parts of the world .. But do u think u will have trouble providing for their education next time and limiting their possibilities ?

I mean its wat I'm thinking la .. Cos I come from a big family I love my siblings and I thank my parents for giving me siblings it really makes us very close .. but the fact is I think my parents really like u said , no good life , until today still kind of making ends meet . Any luxury depends on children, but still working for housing loan and the youngest education .. While we have our own house loans etc .. Good thing we are sensible n understanding ,we work for our own education n get our own loans / scholarship .. But if kids grow up spoilt wouldn't they blame the parents for bad planning this causing them to have less than their frens ? And maybe they wan a overseas course badly but because no money their route changes ?

I used to think like my parents that I can give up everything for my kids ideally I wanted 3.. But my husband is practical .. He showed me these practical stuff which I never really tot of .. So now I have like split personality .. Lol..
 
slapurface,

if u think positively and look at the nice things abt hving 2 kids, then u will enjoy having 2 kids.

frogpricess, u r great! salute u! btw, wat type of part time job u looking for?
 
Not really wei-da lah... just some of the choices we made in life. To be precise, we did go for short holidays in places like Phuket or Malaysia. We do enjoy nice meals in restaurants. But try to prioritise ... in life there is a never-ending list of I WANT.... but as I am trying to teach my children... there aren't many I NEEDs that are not fulfilled, right? All things considering, we feel quite lucky. And to answer your questions about kid's education, funds for the future, retirement, etc... that's why we are plan ahead and personally, we have very few splurges. We try to save up a lot.

My children are very happy to receive hand-me-downs... A colleague passes me her old shoes and dresses. Recently my daughter's classmate's mom started passing me her maternity clothes. So I just take and happily wear them. My daughter says that means, REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE. Why not? I seldom buy things from the shopping centre - I buy lots of things online, from spree, etc and stock up on clothes of their growing sizes during sales. I stock up on milk powder from Malaysia... I constantly remind myself, that life isn't about material - we should go for what we NEED. Whatever we want are usually optional and should be a treat. Some people think we are very rich because we have a habit of helping the less fortunate, we give away things we don't need (explains why I have zero baby/maternity stuff for #3!)... and sometimes we end up wearing branded stuff (hand-me-downs!)...

I am one of those in general admin functions - Can do a spectrum of stuff from accounts, finance, hr, events, etc...
 
Frogprincess,

I like your posts. Work becomes a part you make for your family. Though I don't see it as a sacrifice, cos we get paid for working.

I am in insurance industry, for 9 years. Usually I am out early and back home 9-10pm. I work long hours and maybe 7 days a week. But of cos, i love my job.

Last year I gave birth to a baby boy- 10m old now. I went back to work immediately after confinement. My husband said I should slow down in my work and spend more time with our boy. I would love to. But financially, I don't feel secured. When I am in office, my boss will talk to me about increased expenses. I should earn more than before so I can provide better for my child. For instance, when a child wants something, I can choose to buy or not. Not because I cannot afford. If I am successful in career, my child will see me as a role model. I must have some good traits for being successful. Do something proud for your child.

Earlier, I slowed down. My income dropped, I had to use my savings. Honestly, I felt the unnecessary stress. How healthy can our family be when we are worrying about extra expenses? I've decided I don't have an option. I have to provide.

I love kids. I am thinking of having a second child. My boy mingles well with his cousins. He deserves a sibling. That means I have to earn another million to support my decision. Lol.
 
Oh I see ...

Anyway I jus talked to my hubby .. He say he is not ready
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he say later I anyhow get angry
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shit him ...
 
Hi Caviar,
I do not think there's a job deserves more time than our family and children. If your job requires you to work till 9-10pm, there's something wrong with your job, you should consider a career switch.
Also, I don't think raising a child will really require a million. My sister earning only close to $2k and she has 3 children from primary to secondary to support, they stay in 5 room HDB with a maid, holiday at least 2 times a year, I think it is really to do with financial planning.
For me, I would say I'm earning more than an average Singaporean, I work from 830 to 6pm, reach home by 7pm, to me this is about time planning and efficiency. Once I reach home, all my time would be for my children. When my kids go to primary, I will negotiate with my boss to work half day, if he does not agree, I'll quit. To me, working opportunities are plenty, but kids and family, I have only one time to experience, I want to be part of their life.
I do not believe in earning now to save more for the kids by scarifying the time for kids, I've seen friends and relative who grown up without family love as their parents put them with nanny while working abroad, I really see a difference in them and most of them are not close to the parents. There's a part had been missing in their childhood and it is hard to be replaced by anything else, including money or the so-called financial stability.
I grown up in a family with tight financial as I have 4 siblings and my father was jobless for quite many years. My siblings and I somehow learn to deal with all the problems and be independent, now we've all grown up and we are close to each other. I rather have a family that earn just enough for the basic, than having a financially strong family but can't even see my parents before I turned in for the day. I grown up without tuition, I bring my own food to school, no movie and outings, but I think I'm much better than my peers today.
Of course, it is what you see and plan for yourself that matters, just my two cents worth.
 
slapurface,
If your hubby is not ready, it is probably quite hard for yourself to handle the kids, unless you've a helper at home.
For me although my husband is also the bochap type, he can still play with the kids when I need time for myself. Now my kids are 4 and 2+, every Saturday I can go out for my lesson or meet friends, my helper and husband will look after the kids at home. It is like we take turn for a short break for ourselves.
 
Musicbox,

Yes, I totally agreed tat no job deserve more time than our family and children! That is also part of the reason why I quit my shipping job tat we are on 24/7....we can leave on the dot but laptop hv to bring hm lor....heehee

U really arrange ur timing and things well! Thumb up!
 
Hi Musicbox,

At some point, I do agree with you. Cos I've put my family as my priority too. My job allows flexible timing. I used to work long hours to build up my career.. With the arrival of my baby, I know I cannot work late everyday. With my schedule of 6-8 hours of work daily, I can maintain my income. Flexible timing as in I follow a schedule for appointments with clients. And I am lucky to be in this career, with the same working hours as most people, I am earning twice their salaries.

Yes, you may not need a million to raise our child. Your child can follow your footstep to be independent early. If your sister were to work for 40 years, she would have earned a million. But of cos, with your bro-in-law's income, they would have earned more than that. My friend in a similar situation as your sister. She told me their lives are comfortable as long 没有大事情发生。Each to its own.

If you have plans to work part time, you can consider insurance industry. Shorter working hours but high income is possible.
 
Hi all,

Am glad to find this thread cos this issue has been kept close to my heart. I am a mother of a 2yo boy. To others, I am a patient person who loves kids and I thought I will be too to my little boy. It could be to my personality (perfectionist, worrier) but I found myself very frustrated during my maternity leave where I had to take care of him alone. I had to express milk every 3-4 hours because he couldn't latch and sterilise thereafter, vacuumed the house daily because I had a dog (hb's - but she's closer to me) who sheds a lot of fur - I had to clear her poo and I was really irritated when she barked esp after I spent a long time to put my boy to sleep. Meals were rushed because I wanted to capture every moment to nap. Plus my boy wasn't easy to care for when he was an infant - jaundice, multiple diaper rash and regurgitation. I was tired constantly and I just wanted to have a good sleep. I took many TCM to boost my alertness (didn't work) and my hb was great by doing the night duties but I was just unhappy and tired. I couldn't wait to return to work to gain back my sanity and some me-time.

Moving forward to 2 years later, I am much happier because it is now much easier to take care of my boy, and he has brought us a lot of joy. We have always wanted to have 2 kids, no change to this goal despite the challenging times I had with #1. Hb and I have discussed and we agreed not to engage a maid if we have #2. Hb wants his privacy and I am honestly very bad with managing people because they tend to ride over me.

My concern is I do not know if I am able to cope with 2 kids with all the breastfeeding, cooking and general cleaning. We have engaged a part-time cleaner after I returned to work. Perhaps due to peer comparison, all of my other friends and sils either engage a maid or went back to stay with their parents. The latter is not an option for us because my in laws are taking care of 3 other kids and my own parents are working. I also do not want to burden my in laws since their only rest time are weekends. I do not have the confidence and I fear that I may end up feeling frustrated and start to lose my temper at my kids and hb. Will it be easier the second round after I've been through it before? I'm not sure. I haven't heard of any horrible stories from people that I know because they have some help in some way or other.

Just want to let this out and perhaps someone can help me straighten my thoughts
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To share, I have had the opportunity to work with older colleagues whom already have more grown up children. From the clerks to the VP level, they all tell me the same thing - Parenting isn't about how much money you make - it is about how much time you spend with your children. Children only need one thing - LOVE. That equates to time. And those that had spent a lot of time with the parents seem to be doing very well - not the amount of tuition, expensive toys, or money that the parents make. And they may not be the smartest children, but they are all very nice, well behaved, responsible and sensible. Those that had dedicated their time to climb the corporate ladder and left their children to grandparents, maids, etc tells me that if there is one thing they could change, they would have chosen to slow down and spend more time with their children and family.

Having children is a personal choice - one that we made willingly and with love. I want to be there to shape my children's character, values and personality. Whether there are subsidies, others to help take care, etc etc... those are not important. The important thing is that I chose to have them and they will always have me.

I have seen colleagues with 2 to 4 kids on single income, some have no outside help at all. Their children seem very happy and so are they! Of course... different people different strokes. It is like work, right? If you love it so much you don't mind it. So parenting is like that - if you love it so much you don't call it sacrafice! It is an opportunity of a lifetime! :-D
 
Some tips that I employ:
1. Constant washing of breastpumps - this is so unnecessary. Just wash and sterilise in the morning and at night. In between, after pumping, put the entire thing (washable parts) in a container and store in fridge! Alternatively, remove all the parts, rinse with tap water, then put in a pot/container and pour hot water over it. Drain. Close lid until next use.

2. Let the children sleep early - 7pm or 8pm. Depending on what suits you, after they sleep you can shower, cook dinner, clean the house, do laundry, read a book, watch the news, or just goto bed early, too! This helps to keep me sane. For this they wake up around 7am! But I need to get ready for work anyway... Nowadays my #2 wakes me up about 6:30am, we leave for work/nursery around 7:30am. We get home around 6:15pm and they goto bed at 8pm.
 
slapurface, if your hubby isn't ready, it's better not to rush into another one cos it might backfire and it will be not fair if the second one is born without much love from the father as compared to your first child. Hold back the plans a little. Maybe wait till your child is more independent or starts pestering to have a lil bro is sis, maybe he will have an itch to start another one again. Please don't get upset by his responses...
 
frogprincess, even though i agree that parenting isn't about how much we make, but it's obvious that with the growing number of children, the expenses are obviously doubled or higher especially when they go to school and the diapers or milk they have to consume? Could it be that most of the daddies with two kids and above are earning much better than the mummies to be able to support the lifestyle? Although i'm not ambitious and always trying my best to spend time with my boy and hubby, its really little time for me and even though we spending the basics we couldn't even save much in the middle of the month.
 
Cheeksymummy n musicbox , thanks
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I abit angry cos he never ask me wat I want .. Then last time we alrdy agreed on having 2 kids le .. Then now he say I anyhow angry.. So unfair ..

Raindrops99 , same thoughts .. I also dunwna maid .. I imagine it will be tough especially u are a perfectionist and worrier ! That means u cannot entrust ur assistant (hubby) then u cannot relax if u everything also Wana step in and rectify .. On the other hand so many ppl did it and survived so maybe we jus think too much ... I still cannot imagine a solution to this scenario where im alone and the baby is crying n I carrying him/her then my toddler cry for attention then how .. If ignore he tot I don love him then hate the bb who stolen me ..

Aiya dunno la ... So frustrating ..

Anyway about the financial tjingy .. I feel yes no need alot of money to have a loving enriching family life .. But if just nice enuf money life is very difficult .... Then while u create opportunity to enjoy parenting u also create opportunity for ur whole family to be stress .. But really as long as nothing big happen (like retrench , terminal illness ) everything is ok la
 
Maybe your hubby did not expect parenting to be such tough work in the first place? He may also need a breather for himself as your boy is much easier to take care compared to being a newborn... At least he is honest to you about such being decision &amp; not trying to please you just because he wanted 2 last time. People opinion will change from time to time ya. What if you already give birth to the second child and he gets withdrawn from the family or pushes the baby sitting tasks to maid, that's even worse right? It will end up like single parenting. Why not just take a step back and enjoy your family of 3. Cherish what you have now
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Last time i used to think 2 kids is a perfect number. Now im expecting #2, i start to wonder whether i wanna go for #3. Hubby keep pestering me to go for IUD/IUS etc after my #2.

Finance/time/stress is the main consideration that put us off. Though we enjoy the fun time with our kid, we cannot tahan the stress when the kid demands attention all the time. need our own breathing space at times. Used to love movies/ shopping/ travelling etc. With 1 kid, i can still continue to bring him out for these activities, just got to find more baby friendly places(hence lesser choices) &amp; carry much more stuff.. but with 2 or more, it gets v tedious. for 2, i can still get a double stroller (since #1 and #2 age gap v close) and push both. with 3, how to manage? i got no intention to get a maid, and i dun want to go around like crazy woman chasing after my kids.Expenses also goes up with more kids. so really undecisive on how many kids i wanna have eventually.
 
Catherine , lol! Yea sure like crazy woman one .. Keke .. If u don care ppl will tsk tsk wHy this mother like that lol ...

Cheeksymummy , yea I dunwan to mention to him anymore .. Maybe next time he wan I dunwan alrdy ... Cos I think if I old Liao I pregnant sure tired n back pain one .. It's jus that i pek cek everything his say now baby also his say he should be thankful I wan lor , it's my body leh..
 
I also have 2 boys.. 3 years and 4years.. they are only 13 months apart. never regret it in the beginning. I'm a FTWM, have no helper or parents help, hubby is on shift work and is not home 2-3 days in a week. they both goes to Childcare.

The initial year was hard. But still okay as the younger one was still an infant.At least he couldn't run around the house. =) things started going havoc by the time the younger boy started walking. 2 years later now, things are a lot easier. they wake up, will play among themselves. But with lots of fight in between. I have to stop sleeping and stop them many times.


Yes, they do fight every day from morning till bed time. as they are very close in age, they tends to want the same thing/toys/attention. very difficult to juggle. But end of the day, when I saw how they help each other when 1 fell down, or they would never leave behind one another when we are outside. you know that they seriously love each other.

It's a toil on the only child if one day, parents should be sick due to old age or whatsoever, the poor only child will be the only person to make decision for anything. Like my mum whom is a only child. when my grandmother was on tubes and dying, she had to make a decision to let her die naturally or not. she had no siblings to discuss with.. from funeral to everything, she was so alone.

another thing to note, if we were to die one day, the only child would not have any siblings. he/she is all alone in the world.
 
Thanks for sharing mummies.

Frogprincess,
I get what you mean. Thanks for reminding again that kids are a gift to us. Also on the washing of breastpumps, I read about your method when I had my boy but I hestiated to try as I wasn't sure if it was safe...you know, very cautious first time mummy. If I have a second one, I think there will be a lot of things that I would do differently instead of following every "guidelines" in parenting books.

My father had an eventful year last year as he had many health problems. I am thankful for my mother and 2 brothers who helped out, else I don't know how to bear the burden alone. This is the main reason why I wanted 2. But that said, I think it is important to be mentally ready when you want to have another kid because you have want it before you can go for it else if either one is unprepared, it may cause the conflicts in the family.

I had a friend who said they decided to just have 1 after their first child because they found it really tiring to cope. She told us that when her boy was a few months old. Her hb also didnt want another child because he felt that one was enough. 3 years later at 34, they had a change in mind due an event, they tried and she miscarriaged. Now she's pregnant again. What I want to say is sometimes people need a breather and space before deciding if they want to go through this life-changing experience again.

Mrsngpk,
Thanks for telling me that it is possible. Somehow when you know of someone who has crossed the hurdle that you are afraid of, it makes you feel that you can do it too.
 
Mrsngpk, my 2 boys are just like yours! They are now 4 and 5.5 yrs old. Although they are 18 mths apart but both similar size as the elder one is smaller built. They have been frequently mistaken as twins.

It wasn't such a problem when the younger one was still a baby. The headache began when they start chasing and fighting each other all the time. Despite all the fighting, quarrelling, crying, they are literally inseparable. One will pine for the other when alone. Theirs is really a 'love-hate' relationship. It's definitely tough to manage 2 compared to 1. However, I feel that being a single child is very sad and lonely. No matter how you love the child as parents, you will not be able to communicate on the same level with the child as compared to a sibling. My boys fight alot, but also play together, talk and share alot and also look out for each other.
 
slapurface not worth to be pek chek over it ya cos if both really not prepared its better not to conceive if not blame game might surface. did your boy pester to havd a younger sibling? And from what you mentioned previously it seems like he might also want to take a breather on his work too. Perhaps he wanted a break from his job switch if he has any intention? Just recently my husband also change job and in between, he wasn't working for one month. Luckily we have little savings to last for one month expenses without his income. Imagine if we had two or more, he would have to work non stop w/o any breaks in btw.

Hi catherine, i think like you too just that i'm not conceving any for now as my husband and son isn't keen about having another member. Even me the mother is too blessed to have our small family to think of #2! Currently i'm already chasing my boy like mad. It's worse when i have stroller and he wanted to get out and run away from it. And now i don't have to use stroller all the time, it's scary when he goes near the elevator. I supposed this time around for your case need your husband to chase after them instead. Enjoy your pregnancy!
 


I'm the only child in the family and I too think it's stressful to have to support 2 elderly parents and make all important decisions by myself. v lonely at times too. That was why i think must have at least 2 kids.
 
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