Ballet Rina, heartbrokenmummyj,
Sorry I play the devil's advocate (argue the other side) a little. But that's a vital "skill" in life: to be able to see things from many angles (clearer, no blind spot).
It's already a given that it is the man's fault: strayed already. Don't need to console him and let him have more excuses. It's not your fault.
But the key to living a good life is about looking at our own faults. No, don't need to list down all your little faults and print in newspaper. Just write down for yourself, improve yourself bit by bit every day. There's a simple but true saying: we get the guy we deserve. No, wait, ladies! Don't throw your heavy cooking pots at me just yet!
The straying is the man's fault, it is not yours, that much is already confirmed.
Point above is...
Never forget life-long learning for all aspects of life. It's a "selfish" endeavor that benefits at least yourself. Just like washing your face every day for health and beauty. Learn for life, same thing.
So why look at our own faults? Many benefits.
<ul>[*]
Take our minds off other peoples' faults. The man made a mistake, nothing we can do about that. <LI>
Upgrade ourselves. I can change/better myself (MBA, look for Bill Gates type?). <LI>
Don't waste time "upgrading" others. I cannot change others. I will obey my own commands, but no guarantees my husband will obey me! <LI>
Assure husband we're progressing, encourage him to progress too. Once in a while, I can show my spouse my list of little faults (more details on this later) <LI>
Develop life-long learning habit. I track my progress through life. My kids also learn the same life-long learning method.[/list]Now, here's an interesting part: Assuring our husbands we're progressing (upgrading), and then indirectly encourage him to progress too.
Usually, when you show your husband your systematically listed set of faults, he gets this impression:
<ul>[*]My wife always upgrade herself <LI>My wife has a clear mind <LI>My wife don't anyhow accuse me (since she has clear mind) <LI>Whatever my wife says, I better listen[/list]That worked for my wife, by the way. I showed her my lists of my own faults.
Also,
showing him your little faults on a rather regular basis might reduce his animosity (life's frictions) towards you, thereby even avoiding the straying altogether!
However, that said, a man's character can be hard to change. Some
male chauvinists will simply keep taking advantage of your "
faults confessions" to show that you're inferior, and that they are superior. Such men... erm... need to be left alone. There's nothing you can do
for them or
with them. They often fail rather miserably in life (don't play well with others).
Therefore, here's the key takeaway: That method of
self reflection (confessing own list of faults) is a very good
litmus test. It will show to you what kind of man your husband/boyfriend is. If he mellows and also creates his own list of faults, then he's a
keeper. But if he takes things out on you further, then... erm... he's probably from another planet; sorry about that.
And one last thing.
Don't you have a life to live yourself?. You ladies are vital contributors to society. (Gambling, adultery, all deduct from society). Do a business together. Set up babysitting business? Cooking or catering service?
If your man wants to be an irresponsible boy, doesn't mean you gotta sit and mope while his "school principal" talks to you, right? In fact, your man's "school principal" is karma and life itself (ultimate judge), and that "principal" will handle your man fairly enough, nothing you can do about it.
Let's spread the love! (Clean and true love)
PS: I'll need to know your man more if I am to help; and you'll need to know yourself more. Please feel free to email me privately (
[email protected]). And once in a while when we have some "common ground" to share with others, we can put those in the forums.
Counsellors only listen to both sides haggle and nag, no decisions; that's why they make you even more mad. Yes, it's a legal term:
Counsellors are only authorized to listen. I have helped many people repair relations, assess boyfriends, etc.
All I ask... you ladies teach my wife stuff in return. K?