Help!!!! my husband invloved with a china women.
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KitKatBreak
Member
if the documents that you submit can prove that they have that kind of relationship, i believe ICA may blacklist her.
There is another thing that I would like to share:
This happened some time back... I have got a friend who lodged a complaint against a PRC woman some time back theb to MOM with PI report when the PRC was in China. MOM tried to close the case since she is not in Singapore at the moment and there is nothing much she can do. After much pushing, MOM told her to them if she has information of her coming back Singapore. The PRC came back to Singapore a few months after that.
At that time, my friend's purpose of lodging a complaint against the PRC is to blacklist her from coming back Singapore but the PRC still came in to Singapore ultimately. So what that that mean??
There is another thing that I would like to share:
This happened some time back... I have got a friend who lodged a complaint against a PRC woman some time back theb to MOM with PI report when the PRC was in China. MOM tried to close the case since she is not in Singapore at the moment and there is nothing much she can do. After much pushing, MOM told her to them if she has information of her coming back Singapore. The PRC came back to Singapore a few months after that.
At that time, my friend's purpose of lodging a complaint against the PRC is to blacklist her from coming back Singapore but the PRC still came in to Singapore ultimately. So what that that mean??
KitKatBreak
Member
Kelly, you can look up ICA website for contact details. Call up and ask them, I believe they will give you more details on how to go about it. From what I understand, those who hold work permits in Singapore, there are certain guidelines or conduct that they have to follow and breaking up families is definitely a NO. I believe based on your case and if you have sufficient documents to prove it, I believe ICA will do something about it. Most important is, do not give up, die die push all the way through!
KitKatBreak
Member
I would say that both the man and the PRC woman is at fault... For someone who work in this line, it's all for money!
And when men visit these places, those women treat them like kings and they are great at sweet talking... All men love that and so fall for their trap!
And when men visit these places, those women treat them like kings and they are great at sweet talking... All men love that and so fall for their trap!
hi michilin,
i'm totally give up...no point arguing or talking to the man.
now my focus i want to take care my children well & concentrate my work.
as for him now, still at ther...just see how long he can stay ther.. & make himself to a deeper shit! since he alrdy facing almost $200K debt at sin, he is just avoiding facing the problem. ask tat bitch to share & settle the debt for him. i dun want listen or talk to him. but he shld know tat now i'm the only person who listen his words or talk to him.. but i dun give him any chance...take me for granted! its really too much. leave it to God to decide...
i'm really very tired and painful!! But he just take it for nothing!
really thanks for all advise!
i'm totally give up...no point arguing or talking to the man.
now my focus i want to take care my children well & concentrate my work.
as for him now, still at ther...just see how long he can stay ther.. & make himself to a deeper shit! since he alrdy facing almost $200K debt at sin, he is just avoiding facing the problem. ask tat bitch to share & settle the debt for him. i dun want listen or talk to him. but he shld know tat now i'm the only person who listen his words or talk to him.. but i dun give him any chance...take me for granted! its really too much. leave it to God to decide...
i'm really very tired and painful!! But he just take it for nothing!
really thanks for all advise!
shasha29belle
New Member
Hi Kelly, I hope you can walk out of this dark box soon. Stay strong!
hi Sha Sha, thank you!
i really really hope that i can overcome all these...
tat man just cant wake up yet...still blindly at CHINA... not return yet! i really looked down on him and very disappointed! also pain in my heart tat why he turn to be like tat...i feel tat he is a stranger to me...not the one i know for 15 years...
i'm really very very very tired of all theses...
pray hard everyday! count of blessing, i have 2 beautiful and healthy daughters to keep me going...also friends and family support!!
i really really hope that i can overcome all these...
tat man just cant wake up yet...still blindly at CHINA... not return yet! i really looked down on him and very disappointed! also pain in my heart tat why he turn to be like tat...i feel tat he is a stranger to me...not the one i know for 15 years...
i'm really very very very tired of all theses...
pray hard everyday! count of blessing, i have 2 beautiful and healthy daughters to keep me going...also friends and family support!!
hi Shirley,
thanks for sharing...u r manage to get it over and stay on.
to me, i don't know how long can i hold on it. he is still at CHINA till now. current he is facing such a huge debts but he keep avoiding and banks keep calling/sending lawyers letters. he just keep asking me to seek help from his family... i really duno wat to do..
sometime, i feel to take a flight to china & give tat bitch a tight slap and tell her off.. but i know is useless..cos the man didnt learn the lesson yet. i hate him deeply in my heart.
i want him to face the bankruptcy.. teach him a lesson.
thanks for sharing...u r manage to get it over and stay on.
to me, i don't know how long can i hold on it. he is still at CHINA till now. current he is facing such a huge debts but he keep avoiding and banks keep calling/sending lawyers letters. he just keep asking me to seek help from his family... i really duno wat to do..
sometime, i feel to take a flight to china & give tat bitch a tight slap and tell her off.. but i know is useless..cos the man didnt learn the lesson yet. i hate him deeply in my heart.
i want him to face the bankruptcy.. teach him a lesson.
KitKatBreak
Member
Fantastic, first you can go to ICA website. Go to eServices then go to iEnquiry. You will need to use SingPass to check. Hope it helps.
blur_ballerina
New Member
Shirley
Your husband confessed his affair to you? That's very nice. Before that, you don't know about the affair?
Your husband confessed his affair to you? That's very nice. Before that, you don't know about the affair?
Shirley,
u mean ur hubby get married again at CHINA?
at least, tat bitch had reveal her true color..but mine hv not...the stupid man still at ther...still deeply and blindly at ther! one day, he will pay a high price for what he have done!
now my concentration is my kids and my work... for this bad debts, i will leave it and go back to my mum place to stay!!
ya, we hv to stand strong and tall to face them!
u mean ur hubby get married again at CHINA?
at least, tat bitch had reveal her true color..but mine hv not...the stupid man still at ther...still deeply and blindly at ther! one day, he will pay a high price for what he have done!
now my concentration is my kids and my work... for this bad debts, i will leave it and go back to my mum place to stay!!
ya, we hv to stand strong and tall to face them!
heartbrokenmummyj
New Member
Hi,
I'm also in the same situation. Hub got involved with a china lady.. i only got to know recently becos he brought up the issue of separation with me. He said he has been with the china lady for a yr.. totally lost of words.. he said becos she is able to cook for him which i cannot becos i'm always busy with our 2yr old girl.. totally unfair to say that.. i did cook but he don't bother at all..
I have no idea who is that lady only know that she is older than me n my hub, and currently in china..
What can i do??
I'm also in the same situation. Hub got involved with a china lady.. i only got to know recently becos he brought up the issue of separation with me. He said he has been with the china lady for a yr.. totally lost of words.. he said becos she is able to cook for him which i cannot becos i'm always busy with our 2yr old girl.. totally unfair to say that.. i did cook but he don't bother at all..
I have no idea who is that lady only know that she is older than me n my hub, and currently in china..
What can i do??
thegoodwife
New Member
Heartbrokenmummy,
Dun be despair, you have done nothing to deserve this treatment from ur husband. When that PRC has sucked him dry, he will crawl back to you. It is a matter of time. Men just love new fanciful things. PRC ladies know how to please. We, Singaporean mummies are just too busy to take care of our man's home and children. And we get blame for not pleasing them enough. I am just as bitter and heartbroken as you are....
Dun be despair, you have done nothing to deserve this treatment from ur husband. When that PRC has sucked him dry, he will crawl back to you. It is a matter of time. Men just love new fanciful things. PRC ladies know how to please. We, Singaporean mummies are just too busy to take care of our man's home and children. And we get blame for not pleasing them enough. I am just as bitter and heartbroken as you are....
heartbrokenmummyj
New Member
Thanks TGW for your words.. I'm trying my hard not to think abt it.. my hubby seems not seeing that china lady now.. my MIL went to those chinese medium and they said my hubby n the china lady broken up liao.. but my heart is still aching.. i'm trying to forgive n forget but really very hard.. and my hubby doesn't seems to be doing anything to win my heart back.. maybe he has really given up on our marriage.. haiz..
Hey there, heartbrokenmummyj.
First, let me apologize. I actually chuckled slightly when I saw this thread. Wrong of me to chuckle.
But there's a reason for the chuckle. Firstly, it's never the woman's fault if the man had an affair. Never ever. I find this typical... shall we say "excuse"... totally ludicrous (天大笑话).
I'm in love with my wife, despite all her faults. Nobody is perfect. She's not.
So why am I in love with her? Simple. I chose to love her. That's it. It's just a choice. And it takes a brave and persistent and hardworking person to stick to a choice, to stay true on the path, so to speak.
And she loves me too. And I handsome? Do I cook? Am I good in other ways? ("other ways" will have no more details here, my mother-in-law and younger members of the family can read these!).
No, no, and no. But I do try hard. And I do learn fast, simply because she inspires me to learn fast.
Ok, so we're settled on this affair thing being the man's fault. For the record, I've had my fair share of women who throw themselves at "glorious and wild fun", and I have never once strayed. (Maybe being a bit of a health freak works for me; I get easily grossed out by saliva on tongue licking lips.)
So why do men stray? Some of the posts here mentioned debts. It's not the affair that is his main fault. His main fault lies in failing at life in general. The man feels he has nothing more to lose. So he seeks solace in some pleasures (romance, affairs).
Other reasons include hubris, for men who suddenly succeeded in career. For the record, money actually does not change a man, it only acts as "fertile soil" for his desires to grow upon. So, if the man never had evil desires to begin with, more money simply means he does more good things (eg, set up schools, churches, upgrades healthcare for family, etc). Ask your man what he intends to do when he becomes poor like a beggar, and then becomes rich like a king. His answer may well help you a lot in deciding whether to marry him!
Lastly, we should all exude positivity at all times. Many women (including my wife) exudes so much negativity, it dampens even the most artistically talented and exuberant men. You want a man that makes you happy even in bad times? Get a man with a strong positive outlook. How do you get such a man? Be such a woman yourself!
Unless you're like my wife, lucky enough to have a man choose to make her happy no matter how negative she becomes.
She learned it all from her mother, actually. But they're both improving, slowly but surely, over time. Just keep on loving them, that's my job.
Love is a choice. Will you choose to love? Will you love:<ul>[*]A cute puppy that has gotten old and whiny? <LI>A lively cat that is now limping because its curiosity got it into a clumsy accident? <LI>A world that sometimes throw worms and mud at you? <LI>A sweet-smelling orchard that sometimes gives you a whiff of manure (dung, fertilizer)? <LI>A man who sometimes slips up for small things?[/list]On that last item, some women are so high-strung, they disallow even small slip ups from their man. Eventually, the man takes things out on her by making a mega slip up: having an affair with a doting lover.
Love is about giving without expecting returns. Even if my spouse betrays me, my love conditions my heart and builds my compassion daily. Even if my spouse betrays me, I will not add 1 more bad person to this world: myself. I will instead add 1 more good person to this world: myself.
First, let me apologize. I actually chuckled slightly when I saw this thread. Wrong of me to chuckle.
But there's a reason for the chuckle. Firstly, it's never the woman's fault if the man had an affair. Never ever. I find this typical... shall we say "excuse"... totally ludicrous (天大笑话).
I'm in love with my wife, despite all her faults. Nobody is perfect. She's not.
So why am I in love with her? Simple. I chose to love her. That's it. It's just a choice. And it takes a brave and persistent and hardworking person to stick to a choice, to stay true on the path, so to speak.
And she loves me too. And I handsome? Do I cook? Am I good in other ways? ("other ways" will have no more details here, my mother-in-law and younger members of the family can read these!).
No, no, and no. But I do try hard. And I do learn fast, simply because she inspires me to learn fast.
Ok, so we're settled on this affair thing being the man's fault. For the record, I've had my fair share of women who throw themselves at "glorious and wild fun", and I have never once strayed. (Maybe being a bit of a health freak works for me; I get easily grossed out by saliva on tongue licking lips.)
So why do men stray? Some of the posts here mentioned debts. It's not the affair that is his main fault. His main fault lies in failing at life in general. The man feels he has nothing more to lose. So he seeks solace in some pleasures (romance, affairs).
Other reasons include hubris, for men who suddenly succeeded in career. For the record, money actually does not change a man, it only acts as "fertile soil" for his desires to grow upon. So, if the man never had evil desires to begin with, more money simply means he does more good things (eg, set up schools, churches, upgrades healthcare for family, etc). Ask your man what he intends to do when he becomes poor like a beggar, and then becomes rich like a king. His answer may well help you a lot in deciding whether to marry him!
Lastly, we should all exude positivity at all times. Many women (including my wife) exudes so much negativity, it dampens even the most artistically talented and exuberant men. You want a man that makes you happy even in bad times? Get a man with a strong positive outlook. How do you get such a man? Be such a woman yourself!
Unless you're like my wife, lucky enough to have a man choose to make her happy no matter how negative she becomes.
She learned it all from her mother, actually. But they're both improving, slowly but surely, over time. Just keep on loving them, that's my job. Love is a choice. Will you choose to love? Will you love:<ul>[*]A cute puppy that has gotten old and whiny? <LI>A lively cat that is now limping because its curiosity got it into a clumsy accident? <LI>A world that sometimes throw worms and mud at you? <LI>A sweet-smelling orchard that sometimes gives you a whiff of manure (dung, fertilizer)? <LI>A man who sometimes slips up for small things?[/list]On that last item, some women are so high-strung, they disallow even small slip ups from their man. Eventually, the man takes things out on her by making a mega slip up: having an affair with a doting lover.
Love is about giving without expecting returns. Even if my spouse betrays me, my love conditions my heart and builds my compassion daily. Even if my spouse betrays me, I will not add 1 more bad person to this world: myself. I will instead add 1 more good person to this world: myself.
TGW wrote:<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
We, Singaporean mummies are just too busy to take care of our man's home and children. And we get blame for not pleasing them enough.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>That's what I've been telling my wife all along! I said that wives in Singapore usually put work and stability before pleasure. She keeps saying I should put pleasure first. Maybe you can talk to her.
As people who truly love our spouses and family, we put work and stability before pleasures. I'm glad to know people here think like I do.
But I disagree with this part:<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
And we get blame for not pleasing them enough<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>When a man truly loves a woman, he fantasizes about pleasing her, not about her pleasing him.
And that is the reason we all (reasonable loving adults) put work and stability before pleasure. We want our loved ones to enjoy life more! If I go out pleasing myself (shopping, traveling, water sports, etc), I'll have less time to earn money for my wife's pleasure!
We're all good, loving adults. Some men are spoilt kids, I know. But it's not just the men, you know?
I only partly agree with this:<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
Men just love new fanciful things. PRC ladies know how to please.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>Men love new fanciful things. But we don't fancy new body odors, nor new risks in the dark. My wife's friend stayed over a couple of nights, and my wife slept between us. When she left, I couldn't stand the smell she left on the bed. I have a keen nose, and have gotten used to everything about my wife: her body scents, her quirks, her faults, everything.
If I'm gonna get a new infection (rash or similar), I'd rather get it while adventuring in the great outdoors. Such adventures pleasure me for hours, days, even weeks. On the other hand, risky trysts in the dark pleasure men for only a few minutes (that's all I can say, let's not get into male/female physiology; I'm not a doctor anyways).
About China PRC women, you have to understand the term economic refugee. If you knew how poor the living conditions are in China, you'll understand why they still have certain survival instincts we "normal civilized" humans have given up long ago.
And men: please understand the difference between "You are so handsome" and "You are so handsome wearing that expensive suit". The latter is an insult, not a compliment.
We, Singaporean mummies are just too busy to take care of our man's home and children. And we get blame for not pleasing them enough.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>That's what I've been telling my wife all along! I said that wives in Singapore usually put work and stability before pleasure. She keeps saying I should put pleasure first. Maybe you can talk to her.
As people who truly love our spouses and family, we put work and stability before pleasures. I'm glad to know people here think like I do.
But I disagree with this part:<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
And we get blame for not pleasing them enough<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>When a man truly loves a woman, he fantasizes about pleasing her, not about her pleasing him.
And that is the reason we all (reasonable loving adults) put work and stability before pleasure. We want our loved ones to enjoy life more! If I go out pleasing myself (shopping, traveling, water sports, etc), I'll have less time to earn money for my wife's pleasure!
We're all good, loving adults. Some men are spoilt kids, I know. But it's not just the men, you know?
I only partly agree with this:<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
Men just love new fanciful things. PRC ladies know how to please.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>Men love new fanciful things. But we don't fancy new body odors, nor new risks in the dark. My wife's friend stayed over a couple of nights, and my wife slept between us. When she left, I couldn't stand the smell she left on the bed. I have a keen nose, and have gotten used to everything about my wife: her body scents, her quirks, her faults, everything.
If I'm gonna get a new infection (rash or similar), I'd rather get it while adventuring in the great outdoors. Such adventures pleasure me for hours, days, even weeks. On the other hand, risky trysts in the dark pleasure men for only a few minutes (that's all I can say, let's not get into male/female physiology; I'm not a doctor anyways).
About China PRC women, you have to understand the term economic refugee. If you knew how poor the living conditions are in China, you'll understand why they still have certain survival instincts we "normal civilized" humans have given up long ago.
And men: please understand the difference between "You are so handsome" and "You are so handsome wearing that expensive suit". The latter is an insult, not a compliment.
blur_ballerina
New Member
Jon
In response to your post : I m a very positive woman. I don't sweat the smAll stuff and I see humor in almost any situation. I don't nag. My husband is often the negative one. I m not ugly. In fact I was an sia air stewardess. Then why does my husband still stray ?
In response to your post : I m a very positive woman. I don't sweat the smAll stuff and I see humor in almost any situation. I don't nag. My husband is often the negative one. I m not ugly. In fact I was an sia air stewardess. Then why does my husband still stray ?
Ballet Rina wrote:
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
In response to your post : I m a very positive woman. I don't sweat the smAll stuff and I see humor in almost any situation. I don't nag. My husband is often the negative one. I m not ugly. In fact I was an sia air stewardess. Then why does my husband still stray ?<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
Most likely answer at the end. Scroll down! For now, some wild guesses...
Then things may have come to an end between 2 very disparate "energies" (you and your husband).
Disparate energies never stay together for long. Either they become synergies (cross-influenced and similar), or they pull apart.
Let me put down my Harry Potter philosophy hat...
In practical terms, ugly men may actually stray more than handsome men. Ugly men never "had it good with women", and will "take flight" (stray) given the slightest chance. Thinking: "Hey, this is my one chance in a lifetime for an ugly guy to get lucky. Go for it!".
Handsome men may stray more because they're just "too full of themselves". They're used to pulling women's strings successfully, and enjoy the "do little and get lots" routine. The concept that "The Strong shall protect the Weak (hail, my fellow knights!)" doesn't quite register in their gene memories, probably a trait issue from cave man to urban generations. Hence, such handsome men don't find the need to protect ugly people or weaker sex.
In both cases, the root case is the same: sin (or non-love). Instead of throwing you the full rainbow set of 7 sins (Christianity), let's just use a simple 2-component sin system (Buddhism). Just a system for explanation, no religious bias.
Sin is composed of 2 types: craving (wants) and fear (don't wants). Pull and push.
I want a woman, so I harass all sorts of women (pull factor). I don't want to lose my manly charms, so I say I'm not married (push factor). See the picture? Cravings and fears make up all of our mental constructs.
The opposite of sin (or non-love) is just... love. If I love my wife, I want her to get all of me. Sure, I may earn $10 millions, and I'd say $2 million for her is "love" enough, and I can get 3 more women in Middle East (Muslim). But why should I "dilute" myself? Why shouldn't I make my wife as happy and healthy and fulfilled as I possibly can? All... of... me... No sharing, no dilution.
(It's up to my wife to do good deeds, donate money to build schools, etc. But my job is simply to give "all of me" to her.)
In Darwin theory, it makes evolutionary sense too. Making 2 women half as accomplished is not as good as making 1 woman fully accomplished. The "pooling of resources" theory.
Ok, let me put down my PhD hat.
If you love truly, you will find true love, no matter what. Never make matters worse by scolding him and attacking him. Always make things better (but don't go ahead and spoil him nasty). And do let go (don't crave) when you discover your energies are totally disparate (cancels each other).
Sad thing is: most women don't know if their husbands or boyfriends truly love them. I do psychology, and I read people well. Helps me avoid trouble most of the time. But it's usually quite easy to read men. Now, don't run off to Spain and France, but let me tell you this. Have you seen men "punish" their women with "more pleasure"? Well, I have. ("What'd you say, my darling?? Saying you're fat earns you 5, tonight. No but's! You need to be taught how to appreciate your beauty!!") No more details, family reading. When your man is more concerned about pleasing you, and works hard to find creative ways to do so, then you know his life is about making you happy and blissful.
NOTE!!! Some men will up and go if they feel they're not good enough. (But they don't stray, though). ALWAYS assure your man that he's earning enough, doing great. Otherwise, he might just divorce you and find you a better man! These kind of men are very kind-hearted, very strong ethics. Don't lose these good ones! Ballet Rina, is your husband lying that he strayed, just to get you to leave him?
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
In response to your post : I m a very positive woman. I don't sweat the smAll stuff and I see humor in almost any situation. I don't nag. My husband is often the negative one. I m not ugly. In fact I was an sia air stewardess. Then why does my husband still stray ?<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
Most likely answer at the end. Scroll down! For now, some wild guesses...
Then things may have come to an end between 2 very disparate "energies" (you and your husband).
Disparate energies never stay together for long. Either they become synergies (cross-influenced and similar), or they pull apart.
Let me put down my Harry Potter philosophy hat...
In practical terms, ugly men may actually stray more than handsome men. Ugly men never "had it good with women", and will "take flight" (stray) given the slightest chance. Thinking: "Hey, this is my one chance in a lifetime for an ugly guy to get lucky. Go for it!".
Handsome men may stray more because they're just "too full of themselves". They're used to pulling women's strings successfully, and enjoy the "do little and get lots" routine. The concept that "The Strong shall protect the Weak (hail, my fellow knights!)" doesn't quite register in their gene memories, probably a trait issue from cave man to urban generations. Hence, such handsome men don't find the need to protect ugly people or weaker sex.
In both cases, the root case is the same: sin (or non-love). Instead of throwing you the full rainbow set of 7 sins (Christianity), let's just use a simple 2-component sin system (Buddhism). Just a system for explanation, no religious bias.
Sin is composed of 2 types: craving (wants) and fear (don't wants). Pull and push.
I want a woman, so I harass all sorts of women (pull factor). I don't want to lose my manly charms, so I say I'm not married (push factor). See the picture? Cravings and fears make up all of our mental constructs.
The opposite of sin (or non-love) is just... love. If I love my wife, I want her to get all of me. Sure, I may earn $10 millions, and I'd say $2 million for her is "love" enough, and I can get 3 more women in Middle East (Muslim). But why should I "dilute" myself? Why shouldn't I make my wife as happy and healthy and fulfilled as I possibly can? All... of... me... No sharing, no dilution.
(It's up to my wife to do good deeds, donate money to build schools, etc. But my job is simply to give "all of me" to her.)
In Darwin theory, it makes evolutionary sense too. Making 2 women half as accomplished is not as good as making 1 woman fully accomplished. The "pooling of resources" theory.
Ok, let me put down my PhD hat.
If you love truly, you will find true love, no matter what. Never make matters worse by scolding him and attacking him. Always make things better (but don't go ahead and spoil him nasty). And do let go (don't crave) when you discover your energies are totally disparate (cancels each other).
Sad thing is: most women don't know if their husbands or boyfriends truly love them. I do psychology, and I read people well.
Helps me avoid trouble most of the time. But it's usually quite easy to read men. Now, don't run off to Spain and France, but let me tell you this. Have you seen men "punish" their women with "more pleasure"? Well, I have. ("What'd you say, my darling?? Saying you're fat earns you 5, tonight. No but's! You need to be taught how to appreciate your beauty!!") No more details, family reading. When your man is more concerned about pleasing you, and works hard to find creative ways to do so, then you know his life is about making you happy and blissful. NOTE!!! Some men will up and go if they feel they're not good enough. (But they don't stray, though). ALWAYS assure your man that he's earning enough, doing great. Otherwise, he might just divorce you and find you a better man! These kind of men are very kind-hearted, very strong ethics. Don't lose these good ones! Ballet Rina, is your husband lying that he strayed, just to get you to leave him?
heartbrokenmummyj
New Member
Jon: think u are just a good man that love ur wife.. great job.. but for us wives saying our situation here might not have such good man like u.. there are just so many different kind of ppl out there..
We are already doing our best to look good and be positive in whatever we do.. at least I do.. everyone around me shared that they enjoyed the positive attitude I had.. so I don't think i'm lacking of that.. as of what is the real problem behind the failed relationship bet me n my hub, it's something i've yet find out..
but thanks for assuring us that there are good men out there will truly love us as what we are..
we just got to let go of the bad energy and move on.. but right now, this is the only avenue that we can write our sadness to strangers that we don't know.. sometimes things are more difficult to explain to ppl we know.. so this is the avenue we use to pour things out..
balletrina: there is nothing wrong with u.. just that we have met nasty men, maybe?? let's jia you!!
We are already doing our best to look good and be positive in whatever we do.. at least I do.. everyone around me shared that they enjoyed the positive attitude I had.. so I don't think i'm lacking of that.. as of what is the real problem behind the failed relationship bet me n my hub, it's something i've yet find out..
but thanks for assuring us that there are good men out there will truly love us as what we are..
we just got to let go of the bad energy and move on.. but right now, this is the only avenue that we can write our sadness to strangers that we don't know.. sometimes things are more difficult to explain to ppl we know.. so this is the avenue we use to pour things out..
balletrina: there is nothing wrong with u.. just that we have met nasty men, maybe?? let's jia you!!
Ballet Rina, heartbrokenmummyj,
Sorry I play the devil's advocate (argue the other side) a little. But that's a vital "skill" in life: to be able to see things from many angles (clearer, no blind spot).
It's already a given that it is the man's fault: strayed already. Don't need to console him and let him have more excuses. It's not your fault.
But the key to living a good life is about looking at our own faults. No, don't need to list down all your little faults and print in newspaper. Just write down for yourself, improve yourself bit by bit every day. There's a simple but true saying: we get the guy we deserve. No, wait, ladies! Don't throw your heavy cooking pots at me just yet! The straying is the man's fault, it is not yours, that much is already confirmed.
Point above is... Never forget life-long learning for all aspects of life. It's a "selfish" endeavor that benefits at least yourself. Just like washing your face every day for health and beauty. Learn for life, same thing.
So why look at our own faults? Many benefits.
<ul>[*]Take our minds off other peoples' faults. The man made a mistake, nothing we can do about that. <LI>Upgrade ourselves. I can change/better myself (MBA, look for Bill Gates type?). <LI>Don't waste time "upgrading" others. I cannot change others. I will obey my own commands, but no guarantees my husband will obey me! <LI>Assure husband we're progressing, encourage him to progress too. Once in a while, I can show my spouse my list of little faults (more details on this later) <LI>Develop life-long learning habit. I track my progress through life. My kids also learn the same life-long learning method.[/list]Now, here's an interesting part: Assuring our husbands we're progressing (upgrading), and then indirectly encourage him to progress too.
Usually, when you show your husband your systematically listed set of faults, he gets this impression:
<ul>[*]My wife always upgrade herself <LI>My wife has a clear mind <LI>My wife don't anyhow accuse me (since she has clear mind) <LI>Whatever my wife says, I better listen[/list]That worked for my wife, by the way. I showed her my lists of my own faults.
Also, showing him your little faults on a rather regular basis might reduce his animosity (life's frictions) towards you, thereby even avoiding the straying altogether!
However, that said, a man's character can be hard to change. Some male chauvinists will simply keep taking advantage of your "faults confessions" to show that you're inferior, and that they are superior. Such men... erm... need to be left alone. There's nothing you can do for them or with them. They often fail rather miserably in life (don't play well with others).
Therefore, here's the key takeaway: That method of self reflection (confessing own list of faults) is a very good litmus test. It will show to you what kind of man your husband/boyfriend is. If he mellows and also creates his own list of faults, then he's a keeper. But if he takes things out on you further, then... erm... he's probably from another planet; sorry about that.
And one last thing. Don't you have a life to live yourself?. You ladies are vital contributors to society. (Gambling, adultery, all deduct from society). Do a business together. Set up babysitting business? Cooking or catering service?
If your man wants to be an irresponsible boy, doesn't mean you gotta sit and mope while his "school principal" talks to you, right? In fact, your man's "school principal" is karma and life itself (ultimate judge), and that "principal" will handle your man fairly enough, nothing you can do about it.
Let's spread the love! (Clean and true love)
PS: I'll need to know your man more if I am to help; and you'll need to know yourself more. Please feel free to email me privately ([email protected]). And once in a while when we have some "common ground" to share with others, we can put those in the forums.
Counsellors only listen to both sides haggle and nag, no decisions; that's why they make you even more mad. Yes, it's a legal term: Counsellors are only authorized to listen. I have helped many people repair relations, assess boyfriends, etc.
All I ask... you ladies teach my wife stuff in return. K?
Sorry I play the devil's advocate (argue the other side) a little. But that's a vital "skill" in life: to be able to see things from many angles (clearer, no blind spot).
It's already a given that it is the man's fault: strayed already. Don't need to console him and let him have more excuses. It's not your fault.
But the key to living a good life is about looking at our own faults. No, don't need to list down all your little faults and print in newspaper. Just write down for yourself, improve yourself bit by bit every day. There's a simple but true saying: we get the guy we deserve. No, wait, ladies! Don't throw your heavy cooking pots at me just yet! The straying is the man's fault, it is not yours, that much is already confirmed.
Point above is... Never forget life-long learning for all aspects of life. It's a "selfish" endeavor that benefits at least yourself. Just like washing your face every day for health and beauty. Learn for life, same thing.
So why look at our own faults? Many benefits.
<ul>[*]Take our minds off other peoples' faults. The man made a mistake, nothing we can do about that. <LI>Upgrade ourselves. I can change/better myself (MBA, look for Bill Gates type?). <LI>Don't waste time "upgrading" others. I cannot change others. I will obey my own commands, but no guarantees my husband will obey me! <LI>Assure husband we're progressing, encourage him to progress too. Once in a while, I can show my spouse my list of little faults (more details on this later) <LI>Develop life-long learning habit. I track my progress through life. My kids also learn the same life-long learning method.[/list]Now, here's an interesting part: Assuring our husbands we're progressing (upgrading), and then indirectly encourage him to progress too.
Usually, when you show your husband your systematically listed set of faults, he gets this impression:
<ul>[*]My wife always upgrade herself <LI>My wife has a clear mind <LI>My wife don't anyhow accuse me (since she has clear mind) <LI>Whatever my wife says, I better listen[/list]That worked for my wife, by the way. I showed her my lists of my own faults.
However, that said, a man's character can be hard to change. Some male chauvinists will simply keep taking advantage of your "faults confessions" to show that you're inferior, and that they are superior. Such men... erm... need to be left alone. There's nothing you can do for them or with them. They often fail rather miserably in life (don't play well with others).
Therefore, here's the key takeaway: That method of self reflection (confessing own list of faults) is a very good litmus test. It will show to you what kind of man your husband/boyfriend is. If he mellows and also creates his own list of faults, then he's a keeper. But if he takes things out on you further, then... erm... he's probably from another planet; sorry about that.
And one last thing. Don't you have a life to live yourself?. You ladies are vital contributors to society. (Gambling, adultery, all deduct from society). Do a business together. Set up babysitting business? Cooking or catering service?
If your man wants to be an irresponsible boy, doesn't mean you gotta sit and mope while his "school principal" talks to you, right? In fact, your man's "school principal" is karma and life itself (ultimate judge), and that "principal" will handle your man fairly enough, nothing you can do about it.
Let's spread the love! (Clean and true love)
PS: I'll need to know your man more if I am to help; and you'll need to know yourself more. Please feel free to email me privately ([email protected]). And once in a while when we have some "common ground" to share with others, we can put those in the forums.
Counsellors only listen to both sides haggle and nag, no decisions; that's why they make you even more mad. Yes, it's a legal term: Counsellors are only authorized to listen. I have helped many people repair relations, assess boyfriends, etc.
fantasiaval
Member
Ladies, i knoe its tough to go thro bad marriage or divorce..
Jus focus ur energy elsewhere. On kids or on ur own life or other men..
Doesnt mean husband stray its end of the world... There r plenty of guys out there for u too.
Jus focus ur energy elsewhere. On kids or on ur own life or other men..
Doesnt mean husband stray its end of the world... There r plenty of guys out there for u too.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
all i can do now is ask lawyer to fight for $$$.. lawyer already assured me i will get kids.
i wish i can make him so bankrupt ! once bankrupt he cant get any woman anymore!<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>Hi val (fantasiaval). I personally believe that the strong (men earns more than women) should protect the weak (wives, kids).
First, really sorry you have to go through this. But yes. I totally agree you gotta spend full-time digging out his trash. Bring it all to lawyer. Remember, you're in Singapore. The law here is meant to protect people like you. Look up Women's Charter.
Adultery is a betrayal in every sense. Physical, emotional, FINANCIAL. The husband might as well murder you; it's the same effect. The state will help you. Go for it. Make sure you stop him from wasting good money that could be used for the state (build up your kids, get you MBA, let you contribute to economy, etc). (About Physical, you know how many women are infected with disease by cheating husband?)
Yes, call me for a chat if you want (96387450). But I can only console and advise a bit. I'm not private investigator. And my wife can maybe go out with you for some fashion tips exchange, lighten your mood. (I'm good with fashion sense for women, by the way)
As for my advice in posts above, it's only meant for husbands that only strayed, but didn't splurge good money on other women. Husbands that are still responsible people, but who met difficult situations. Husbands who are still human. Sorry to say this, but a husband who destroys a wife financially is not human.
Gosh, didn't think I'd get so heated up and involved in this. I know many men who strayed, but not many (maybe 1 out of 1000?) who will murder their wives.
Lastly, once the divorce is done, do pick yourself up. Upgrade career, educate kids, exercise, socialize, etc. All of which I'm sure you'll do very well.
all i can do now is ask lawyer to fight for $$$.. lawyer already assured me i will get kids.
i wish i can make him so bankrupt ! once bankrupt he cant get any woman anymore!<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>Hi val (fantasiaval). I personally believe that the strong (men earns more than women) should protect the weak (wives, kids).
First, really sorry you have to go through this. But yes. I totally agree you gotta spend full-time digging out his trash. Bring it all to lawyer. Remember, you're in Singapore. The law here is meant to protect people like you. Look up Women's Charter.
Adultery is a betrayal in every sense. Physical, emotional, FINANCIAL. The husband might as well murder you; it's the same effect. The state will help you. Go for it. Make sure you stop him from wasting good money that could be used for the state (build up your kids, get you MBA, let you contribute to economy, etc). (About Physical, you know how many women are infected with disease by cheating husband?)
Yes, call me for a chat if you want (96387450). But I can only console and advise a bit. I'm not private investigator. And my wife can maybe go out with you for some fashion tips exchange, lighten your mood. (I'm good with fashion sense for women, by the way)
As for my advice in posts above, it's only meant for husbands that only strayed, but didn't splurge good money on other women. Husbands that are still responsible people, but who met difficult situations. Husbands who are still human. Sorry to say this, but a husband who destroys a wife financially is not human.
Gosh, didn't think I'd get so heated up and involved in this. I know many men who strayed, but not many (maybe 1 out of 1000?) who will murder their wives.
Lastly, once the divorce is done, do pick yourself up. Upgrade career, educate kids, exercise, socialize, etc. All of which I'm sure you'll do very well.
Sorry to double post. Wanna stress this. DO NOT do what many women did: let their husbands go without financial compensation.
Please don't hurt your kids that way. They need the money!
And don't worry about how your husband is gonna find a new life with a new women without money left. The kind thing you can do for you husband is vouch for his integrity whenever he meets a new woman. Tell that new woman your husband is a responsible man, and that you can all help one another through life.
Many men give this excuse: "If you take this money from me, no woman will want me anymore!".
Deny them that excuse. The only woman you can get with money is a "pro". Sorry to be frank, but that's true. And "pros" do get married, so the term is not confined to only those "in the back alleys". I never got any girl with money before, and I'm doing more than fine. Use heart, and true concern to find true girl.
I repeat. DO NOT let cheating husband go without financial compensation!! In the least, you'll be promoting the "pro" trade by giving him more money to "shop around". I don't want my daughters in that "pro" trade. Please reduce the demand in that market, so my daughters won't be tempted to form the supply.
Please don't hurt your kids that way. They need the money!
And don't worry about how your husband is gonna find a new life with a new women without money left. The kind thing you can do for you husband is vouch for his integrity whenever he meets a new woman. Tell that new woman your husband is a responsible man, and that you can all help one another through life.
Many men give this excuse: "If you take this money from me, no woman will want me anymore!".
Deny them that excuse. The only woman you can get with money is a "pro". Sorry to be frank, but that's true. And "pros" do get married, so the term is not confined to only those "in the back alleys". I never got any girl with money before, and I'm doing more than fine. Use heart, and true concern to find true girl.
I repeat. DO NOT let cheating husband go without financial compensation!! In the least, you'll be promoting the "pro" trade by giving him more money to "shop around". I don't want my daughters in that "pro" trade. Please reduce the demand in that market, so my daughters won't be tempted to form the supply.
fantasiaval
Member
oh im doing ok for the time being. already divorced done n over with..im much happier now..tats y i post my advice on this forum asking the ladies to cheer up.
i spend a lot of time with my children too.
i spend a lot of time with my children too.
heartbrokenmummyj
New Member
i'm back here again.. things bet my hubby n me are like getting more n more complicated.. more n more ppl are involved and somehow I feel my hubby's side started to blame me for my hubby's change of heart.. started blaming me for not able to be a dutiful wife.. it's so hurting..
yesterday his aunt called me to tell me I cannot moved out of the house (btw it's my IL's place).. by moving out means I'm giving up on him.. yes, i'm giving up on him becos he has already told me no matter what I do, it will still be the same.. she said my hubby will sure regret one.. then just let him regret and teach him a lesson..
then started telling me i should show more care n concern for him, changed for him.. but it's him who made a mistake not me, why must I be the one doing all the changes and amendments? he didn't even show abit of sincere if he wants this marriage and want us..
i'm really very tired in trying to make this marriage works.. and it's only me who is making the effort.. they will never know how painful this is.. and yet give me so many comments.. spare me pls.. anything talk to your son, ur nephew 1st.. not me.. and most imptly, don't disturb my parents.. they are already very upset for what had happened.. pls leave them alone..
i just need an avenue to vent my frustrations!
yesterday his aunt called me to tell me I cannot moved out of the house (btw it's my IL's place).. by moving out means I'm giving up on him.. yes, i'm giving up on him becos he has already told me no matter what I do, it will still be the same.. she said my hubby will sure regret one.. then just let him regret and teach him a lesson..
then started telling me i should show more care n concern for him, changed for him.. but it's him who made a mistake not me, why must I be the one doing all the changes and amendments? he didn't even show abit of sincere if he wants this marriage and want us..
i'm really very tired in trying to make this marriage works.. and it's only me who is making the effort.. they will never know how painful this is.. and yet give me so many comments.. spare me pls.. anything talk to your son, ur nephew 1st.. not me.. and most imptly, don't disturb my parents.. they are already very upset for what had happened.. pls leave them alone..
i just need an avenue to vent my frustrations!
heartbrokenmummyj
New Member
his aunt also said if i moved out, means i'm letting the chance to the china lady.. then the china lady will squeeze my hubby dry.. what can i do if he really insist being with that china lady?? serve him right shouldn't it??
heartbrokenmummy, she won't know what u being through. If this happens to her daughter, i think she won't say the same things.
Anyway, if u have really given so many chances and he still doesn't want to save the marriage, then i think u should stop. We also have our dignity.
Anyway, if u have really given so many chances and he still doesn't want to save the marriage, then i think u should stop. We also have our dignity.
dreamybeary
New Member
heartbrokenmummyj,
to me the most impt thing is to protect yourself and your kid, including financially. you are in the best position to decide if moving out and moving on with your life is the best for you and your girl. IMHO if you hb has no interest in rebuilding the marriage, there is really quite hard to work on it on your own. a marriage takes 2 to want it to work. AND rebuilding after an affair is VERY hard work.
you can file an application for maintenance with the family court. He needs to provide you with enough money to continue the lifestyle you have been leading. you will be scheduled a date for mediation and if you can agree on an amount, great. if not there may be a 2nd mediation and if still no agreement, you will proceed to be scheduled a court date. in court you will both present your expenses etc and the judge will decide how much is a fair amount.
you can read more about it here:
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=3771
I'm no lawyer or expert but I've done it before. I don't think the process have changed since. My hb cheated on me with a married malaysian slut (pardon the language but there is simply no appropriate word for such woman with no morals, one who brought man home to cheat on her own marital bed). i was a SAHM with $0 to my name and 2 kids under 3yo, i was helpless and hopeless. i did all the begging and crying then stood on my own feet to live for my kids. i learn to be independent and when i did that, my hb hated feeling i didn't need him any more, came crawling back and begged for a chance.
Do no let him blame you for his cheating. It is not your fault, nothing should justify his cheating. They love to blame shift to make themselves feel better about their cheating. His choice, his action, his responsibility, his consequences. Unfortunately some time our consequences too if we choose to reconcile.
to me the most impt thing is to protect yourself and your kid, including financially. you are in the best position to decide if moving out and moving on with your life is the best for you and your girl. IMHO if you hb has no interest in rebuilding the marriage, there is really quite hard to work on it on your own. a marriage takes 2 to want it to work. AND rebuilding after an affair is VERY hard work.
you can file an application for maintenance with the family court. He needs to provide you with enough money to continue the lifestyle you have been leading. you will be scheduled a date for mediation and if you can agree on an amount, great. if not there may be a 2nd mediation and if still no agreement, you will proceed to be scheduled a court date. in court you will both present your expenses etc and the judge will decide how much is a fair amount.
you can read more about it here:
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=3771
I'm no lawyer or expert but I've done it before. I don't think the process have changed since. My hb cheated on me with a married malaysian slut (pardon the language but there is simply no appropriate word for such woman with no morals, one who brought man home to cheat on her own marital bed). i was a SAHM with $0 to my name and 2 kids under 3yo, i was helpless and hopeless. i did all the begging and crying then stood on my own feet to live for my kids. i learn to be independent and when i did that, my hb hated feeling i didn't need him any more, came crawling back and begged for a chance.
Do no let him blame you for his cheating. It is not your fault, nothing should justify his cheating. They love to blame shift to make themselves feel better about their cheating. His choice, his action, his responsibility, his consequences. Unfortunately some time our consequences too if we choose to reconcile.
Hi again, heartbrokenmummyj,
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
i'm back here again.. things bet my hubby n me are like getting more n more complicated.. more n more ppl are involved and somehow I feel my hubby's side started to blame me for my hubby's change of heart.. started blaming me for not able to be a dutiful wife.. it's so hurting..<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
I wish it's a perfect world out there, but it's not. Even the best people will side with family and wrongfully blame others.
But take heart. Most "bad people" are just "bad in mouth" (口是心非). My mother-in-law has maybe zero skill in tact, but her heart is genuine. My wife always takes her word to heart, creates an earthquake, and forgets that her mother really is very kind.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
yesterday his aunt called me to tell me I cannot moved out of the house (btw it's my IL's place).. by moving out means I'm giving up on him.. yes, i'm giving up on him becos he has already told me no matter what I do, it will still be the same.. she said my hubby will sure regret one.. then just let him regret and teach him a lesson..<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
Then they already implicitly admitted his fault. If I had a sister, and I cheated on a good wife, she'll also tell me I'll regret it. You ARE a good wife, otherwise his family won't tell you he'll regret losing you. Trust me, when good people quarrel, they say all kinds of bad things. Since you're hearing some good things, it does mean they KNOW your situation.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
then started telling me i should show more care n concern for him, changed for him.. but it's him who made a mistake not me, why must I be the one doing all the changes and amendments? he didn't even show abit of sincere if he wants this marriage and want us..<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
This is called mediation. The technique requires that she mention "areas to improve" for both parties (you and husband).
Now, about "changing for him", understand that a man who truly loves you will "take charge". He'll build a great career and let you see how and why he is successful. Like a good father to his kids in future, he'll use himself as an experiment, as a role model. If you need to change, he needs to show you how, by being a role model himself.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
i'm really very tired in trying to make this marriage works.. and it's only me who is making the effort.. they will never know how painful this is.. and yet give me so many comments.. spare me pls.. anything talk to your son, ur nephew 1st.. not me.. and most imptly, don't disturb my parents.. they are already very upset for what had happened.. pls leave them alone..<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
Step away from the quarrels. Write down your thoughts neatly (you'll need all that for legal proceedings later). As a bonus, you may even see your own faults, and change them before going to court!
Also try this. Take concrete and constructive actions. Tell him and his family that you need money to take up serious cooking classes (I'll join you!). This is also stepping away from the quarrels. For all you know, you may become a world-famous chef in 5 years!
I understand that delaying legal action now may give the situation a chance to improve, then you think you'll have a weaker case. However, in actual fact, diligent mitigation (means you take concrete steps to make things better) always works in your favor. If you learn cooking until real pro, and he still give same comment about you, then his case strength will be destroyed in court.
And do take time to document events neatly, write down.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
i'm back here again.. things bet my hubby n me are like getting more n more complicated.. more n more ppl are involved and somehow I feel my hubby's side started to blame me for my hubby's change of heart.. started blaming me for not able to be a dutiful wife.. it's so hurting..<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
I wish it's a perfect world out there, but it's not. Even the best people will side with family and wrongfully blame others.
But take heart. Most "bad people" are just "bad in mouth" (口是心非). My mother-in-law has maybe zero skill in tact, but her heart is genuine. My wife always takes her word to heart, creates an earthquake, and forgets that her mother really is very kind.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
yesterday his aunt called me to tell me I cannot moved out of the house (btw it's my IL's place).. by moving out means I'm giving up on him.. yes, i'm giving up on him becos he has already told me no matter what I do, it will still be the same.. she said my hubby will sure regret one.. then just let him regret and teach him a lesson..<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
Then they already implicitly admitted his fault. If I had a sister, and I cheated on a good wife, she'll also tell me I'll regret it. You ARE a good wife, otherwise his family won't tell you he'll regret losing you. Trust me, when good people quarrel, they say all kinds of bad things. Since you're hearing some good things, it does mean they KNOW your situation.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
then started telling me i should show more care n concern for him, changed for him.. but it's him who made a mistake not me, why must I be the one doing all the changes and amendments? he didn't even show abit of sincere if he wants this marriage and want us..<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
This is called mediation. The technique requires that she mention "areas to improve" for both parties (you and husband).
Now, about "changing for him", understand that a man who truly loves you will "take charge". He'll build a great career and let you see how and why he is successful. Like a good father to his kids in future, he'll use himself as an experiment, as a role model. If you need to change, he needs to show you how, by being a role model himself.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
i'm really very tired in trying to make this marriage works.. and it's only me who is making the effort.. they will never know how painful this is.. and yet give me so many comments.. spare me pls.. anything talk to your son, ur nephew 1st.. not me.. and most imptly, don't disturb my parents.. they are already very upset for what had happened.. pls leave them alone..<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
Step away from the quarrels. Write down your thoughts neatly (you'll need all that for legal proceedings later). As a bonus, you may even see your own faults, and change them before going to court!
Also try this. Take concrete and constructive actions. Tell him and his family that you need money to take up serious cooking classes (I'll join you!). This is also stepping away from the quarrels. For all you know, you may become a world-famous chef in 5 years!
I understand that delaying legal action now may give the situation a chance to improve, then you think you'll have a weaker case. However, in actual fact, diligent mitigation (means you take concrete steps to make things better) always works in your favor. If you learn cooking until real pro, and he still give same comment about you, then his case strength will be destroyed in court.
And do take time to document events neatly, write down.
mamaistbest
New Member
My stance is, if hubby so interested in another woman, let him be. We should have more dignity than to fight back for his dick
blueswimmercrab
Member
This is very sad. Why cant women stay away from other people husbands!! Sigh, what eould you do if your friend is the other womsn receiving money and benefits from a married man. Wld things be different if the wife conndones it and no sex is involved?
To mamamia, i agree to some extent. If he was always a bastard. Then why waste our time.
To mamamia, i agree to some extent. If he was always a bastard. Then why waste our time.
blueswimmercrab wrote:<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
This is very sad. Why cant women stay away from other people husbands!!<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
There are bastard men, right? Same for women. I know a few. You wouldn't believe the number of screws loose in their heads.
Let's take 1 for example. Failed 'O' levels English and other subjects, never could keep a job for long. Cheated on 4 boyfriends, and still cried for forgiveness every single time. Said she just couldn't control herself. Went out for holidays with 3 married men (by my count, may be more), simply because she can't resist the vacation and luxuries (was poor all along). Then got married to a financially poor man, all the while complaining about his financial poverty. She continued to go out for vacations with married men, stating this reason: if husband wants her to stop, he should buck up and earn more.
Married the guy because she was touched by his persistence and sincerity (of course, he had no other choices, no looks and no money).
This girl is actually very pretty. You would think she's the ultimate manipulator. But no, she got used more than she got paid. Men cheat her. In fact, men manipulated her to cheat on her 4 boyfriends. She lost her ability to get pregnant (multiple abortions). And she's still going on with married men.
Shocking? Sad to say, brain damage and general cognitive incompetence (low IQ) can lead to bad social behavior. Poor girl won't even know what she's doing all the while.
And then there really are the man-eaters, from China.
Read: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/chinas-unwanted-single-women-feel-pressure-061239030.html
Women above 27 are considered unwanted trash. So it's understandable they'll be eager to get any half-decent man available, especially those tried-and-tested (married). I myself have seen my fair share of such women. You'll shed a tear if you know what they go through. Beautiful girls bullied by boyfriends. In-laws condoning husband's adulteries. etc etc.
We all get who we deserve. I suggest we guard our hearts' purity at all times. I don't have rigorous proof that cause-and-effect is real. But my circle seems to be pretty close to my own "vibes". In over-simplified terms, if we're nice, we get nice people around us. Just be really careful with our own hearts and vibes. Corrupting our own hearts is as good as commiting suicide.
Let the bastard men go. Start doing constructive things (cooking lessons, pro chef, upgrade skills for career, etc). Don't bother quarreling with a cheating man. Using myself as example, I just keep doing the right things even though my MIL and wife keeps being negative. They learn, really, from my example. Don't quarrel, just do good things.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
Sigh, what eould you do if your friend is the other womsn receiving money and benefits from a married man. Wld things be different if the wife conndones it and no sex is involved?<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
Why would a man give money to a woman, and not expect anything in return? I certainly give my female friends a lot, but they always give me back a lot too.
I have female pals I can talk to. Same wavelength. My wife is nowhere near my musical and math abilities. But there is 1 condition to become my buddy: that she cares for me and my life. If she cares, then she won't upset my life balance, or my marriage. Likewise, I will also take care of her, find her nice boyfriends, or share some lessons with her husband, etc.
These buddies help me in my career, my musical hobbies, my businesses, etc. I help them back too.
I stay away from people who are bent on setting themselves on fire. I don't wanna catch fire myself. Sounds cliche, but we do have to choose our friends.
As for the generous and flirtatious men who give money/gifts without expecting sex, do try to take care of them back. Be fair in life. Don't abuse a guy, or your own husband may be abused by another woman (happened to the girl I mentioned above).
This is very sad. Why cant women stay away from other people husbands!!<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
There are bastard men, right? Same for women. I know a few. You wouldn't believe the number of screws loose in their heads.
Let's take 1 for example. Failed 'O' levels English and other subjects, never could keep a job for long. Cheated on 4 boyfriends, and still cried for forgiveness every single time. Said she just couldn't control herself. Went out for holidays with 3 married men (by my count, may be more), simply because she can't resist the vacation and luxuries (was poor all along). Then got married to a financially poor man, all the while complaining about his financial poverty. She continued to go out for vacations with married men, stating this reason: if husband wants her to stop, he should buck up and earn more.
Married the guy because she was touched by his persistence and sincerity (of course, he had no other choices, no looks and no money).
This girl is actually very pretty. You would think she's the ultimate manipulator. But no, she got used more than she got paid. Men cheat her. In fact, men manipulated her to cheat on her 4 boyfriends. She lost her ability to get pregnant (multiple abortions). And she's still going on with married men.
Shocking? Sad to say, brain damage and general cognitive incompetence (low IQ) can lead to bad social behavior. Poor girl won't even know what she's doing all the while.
And then there really are the man-eaters, from China.
Read: http://sg.news.yahoo.com/chinas-unwanted-single-women-feel-pressure-061239030.html
Women above 27 are considered unwanted trash. So it's understandable they'll be eager to get any half-decent man available, especially those tried-and-tested (married). I myself have seen my fair share of such women. You'll shed a tear if you know what they go through. Beautiful girls bullied by boyfriends. In-laws condoning husband's adulteries. etc etc.
We all get who we deserve. I suggest we guard our hearts' purity at all times. I don't have rigorous proof that cause-and-effect is real. But my circle seems to be pretty close to my own "vibes". In over-simplified terms, if we're nice, we get nice people around us. Just be really careful with our own hearts and vibes. Corrupting our own hearts is as good as commiting suicide.
Let the bastard men go. Start doing constructive things (cooking lessons, pro chef, upgrade skills for career, etc). Don't bother quarreling with a cheating man. Using myself as example, I just keep doing the right things even though my MIL and wife keeps being negative. They learn, really, from my example. Don't quarrel, just do good things.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
Sigh, what eould you do if your friend is the other womsn receiving money and benefits from a married man. Wld things be different if the wife conndones it and no sex is involved?<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>
Why would a man give money to a woman, and not expect anything in return? I certainly give my female friends a lot, but they always give me back a lot too.
I have female pals I can talk to. Same wavelength. My wife is nowhere near my musical and math abilities. But there is 1 condition to become my buddy: that she cares for me and my life. If she cares, then she won't upset my life balance, or my marriage. Likewise, I will also take care of her, find her nice boyfriends, or share some lessons with her husband, etc.
These buddies help me in my career, my musical hobbies, my businesses, etc. I help them back too.
I stay away from people who are bent on setting themselves on fire. I don't wanna catch fire myself. Sounds cliche, but we do have to choose our friends.
As for the generous and flirtatious men who give money/gifts without expecting sex, do try to take care of them back. Be fair in life. Don't abuse a guy, or your own husband may be abused by another woman (happened to the girl I mentioned above).
blueswimmercrab
Member
hi jon, thanks for sharing.
well, she says that is really no sex so all is ok. plus she introduces him to her friends so that he has more friends to hang out with so he will not be lonely when he comes to sg for business. the guy is old - 50 plus 60, uber rich korean who is also providing her with gifts, monies and business partners. they had went for numerous holidays, even as far as south africa, with him paying for almost everything and giving her bags (from the likes of chanel and the works). she was with him in his sentosa cove bungalow for a staycation just three weeks before her own wedding. innocent? what do you think based on a guy's' pov? i must admit this is ruining my friendship with her.
what should / can i do?
sorry for hijacking the thread with my queries since it is not entirely related to men cheating with china women.
well, she says that is really no sex so all is ok. plus she introduces him to her friends so that he has more friends to hang out with so he will not be lonely when he comes to sg for business. the guy is old - 50 plus 60, uber rich korean who is also providing her with gifts, monies and business partners. they had went for numerous holidays, even as far as south africa, with him paying for almost everything and giving her bags (from the likes of chanel and the works). she was with him in his sentosa cove bungalow for a staycation just three weeks before her own wedding. innocent? what do you think based on a guy's' pov? i must admit this is ruining my friendship with her.
what should / can i do?
sorry for hijacking the thread with my queries since it is not entirely related to men cheating with china women.
Hi blueswimmercrab, <blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
well, she says that is really no sex so all is ok. plus she introduces him to her friends so that he has more friends to hang out with so he will not be lonely when he comes to sg for business. the guy is old - 50 plus 60, uber rich korean who is also providing her with gifts, monies and business partners. they had went for numerous holidays, even as far as south africa, with him paying for almost everything and giving her bags (from the likes of chanel and the works). she was with him in his sentosa cove bungalow for a staycation just three weeks before her own wedding. innocent? what do you think based on a guy's' pov? i must admit this is ruining my friendship with her.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>Ok, first, the uber rich Korean. Not sure if you know this, but it's open secret. Korean directors AND their friends sleep with aspiring Korean actresses. Successful actresses actually commit suicide due to being severely and persistently pestered to perform sexual "duties" (favors). How do uber rich Korean men get girls to bed? Slap them silly in public, physically drag them into a hotel room. Simple cave man tactic: knock out, drag home.
If you need more references about Korean men's culture, ask the Korean women. I'm ugly enough, but I'm gotten way too many proposals from Korean girls (well, common Korean looks not pretty anyway). That's tip of iceberg for this fact: Korean culture works girls like slaves, both at work and at home. For that reason alone, girls very in love will even postpone marriage to attractive Korean men just so she postpones the "household slave girl livelihood". She'll be abused (in every way except sexually) terribly by in-laws and everyone else. I'm sure you know that Hong Kong TV shows apartments 10 times bigger than common; Korean TV shows housewife abuse 10 time lesser than common too (and you still get a whiff of it on popular TV, tip of iceberg).
Korean men are spoilt, rough-and-tumble types. That's why the girlish boy bands are so popular in Korea. Beware, even the girlish-pretty boys from Korea have a violent tendency. How to avoid? Find a Korean who has extensive world-wide education, especially from the west. Avoid parochial outlooks. FYI, Korean guys are popular in USA/UK; they have VERY LITTLE in common with counterparts at home.
If he is truly afraid of being lonely, he'll ask her to bring all her friends for staycation. Treat her like a daughter/friend (unless both truly profess love for each other). Help each other out in life. But honestly, humans do want some excitement, so don't be surprised if girls actually do have fetish about rich old men, and such sexual arrangements are legit activities of life. As long as she knows what she's getting into, you don't have to worry about her.
As for the "really no sex" part, don't judge her. Let her be. To sate your curiosity, I've seen lots of girls say that right after getting paid for sex. No big deal. It's their life. Men pay for sex, and then claim they went to the gym, right? Same thing.<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
what should / can i do?<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>Nothing. You can't change your friend. Can't turn her bad or good. It's her choice. It's her life.
By the way, that's the modus operandi for men looking for women to sell. The 10th richest man in SEA operates brothel chains across Asia. Powerful guy, has money to even buy off newspapers (you never read about him). Men comfort women, lure them in, then sell them off as "comfort women", literally. In East Europe, it's done somewhat similar: handsome boyfriends sell off girlfriend after girlfriend, earning a lot of money.<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
sorry for hijacking the thread with my queries since it is not entirely related to men cheating with china women.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>No prob. It's the same really, men cheat women or women cheat men, all adultery. Some husbands are rich and powerful enough to cheat women, which falls under this thread anyway.
About staycations, it's a great get-together. My female friends and I have staycations too, but we always bring friends along, plus mahjong table or board games. And only really trusted friends can do staycation. It's a pretty good test of the girl, see if she has any ulterior motives. Always have other friends around, for protetction.
My best female friends and I spend a lot of time together at nice restaurants, and then go back to own homes for good rest, and then come out and play again. Best of both worlds, outside and home! Vacations too, but let's face it... bulk discounts apply to vacations too, so I usually have at least 3-4 as a travel group.
well, she says that is really no sex so all is ok. plus she introduces him to her friends so that he has more friends to hang out with so he will not be lonely when he comes to sg for business. the guy is old - 50 plus 60, uber rich korean who is also providing her with gifts, monies and business partners. they had went for numerous holidays, even as far as south africa, with him paying for almost everything and giving her bags (from the likes of chanel and the works). she was with him in his sentosa cove bungalow for a staycation just three weeks before her own wedding. innocent? what do you think based on a guy's' pov? i must admit this is ruining my friendship with her.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>Ok, first, the uber rich Korean. Not sure if you know this, but it's open secret. Korean directors AND their friends sleep with aspiring Korean actresses. Successful actresses actually commit suicide due to being severely and persistently pestered to perform sexual "duties" (favors). How do uber rich Korean men get girls to bed? Slap them silly in public, physically drag them into a hotel room. Simple cave man tactic: knock out, drag home.
If you need more references about Korean men's culture, ask the Korean women. I'm ugly enough, but I'm gotten way too many proposals from Korean girls (well, common Korean looks not pretty anyway). That's tip of iceberg for this fact: Korean culture works girls like slaves, both at work and at home. For that reason alone, girls very in love will even postpone marriage to attractive Korean men just so she postpones the "household slave girl livelihood". She'll be abused (in every way except sexually) terribly by in-laws and everyone else. I'm sure you know that Hong Kong TV shows apartments 10 times bigger than common; Korean TV shows housewife abuse 10 time lesser than common too (and you still get a whiff of it on popular TV, tip of iceberg).
Korean men are spoilt, rough-and-tumble types. That's why the girlish boy bands are so popular in Korea. Beware, even the girlish-pretty boys from Korea have a violent tendency. How to avoid? Find a Korean who has extensive world-wide education, especially from the west. Avoid parochial outlooks. FYI, Korean guys are popular in USA/UK; they have VERY LITTLE in common with counterparts at home.
If he is truly afraid of being lonely, he'll ask her to bring all her friends for staycation. Treat her like a daughter/friend (unless both truly profess love for each other). Help each other out in life. But honestly, humans do want some excitement, so don't be surprised if girls actually do have fetish about rich old men, and such sexual arrangements are legit activities of life. As long as she knows what she's getting into, you don't have to worry about her.
As for the "really no sex" part, don't judge her. Let her be. To sate your curiosity, I've seen lots of girls say that right after getting paid for sex. No big deal. It's their life. Men pay for sex, and then claim they went to the gym, right? Same thing.<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
what should / can i do?<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>Nothing. You can't change your friend. Can't turn her bad or good. It's her choice. It's her life.
By the way, that's the modus operandi for men looking for women to sell. The 10th richest man in SEA operates brothel chains across Asia. Powerful guy, has money to even buy off newspapers (you never read about him). Men comfort women, lure them in, then sell them off as "comfort women", literally. In East Europe, it's done somewhat similar: handsome boyfriends sell off girlfriend after girlfriend, earning a lot of money.<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
sorry for hijacking the thread with my queries since it is not entirely related to men cheating with china women.<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>No prob. It's the same really, men cheat women or women cheat men, all adultery. Some husbands are rich and powerful enough to cheat women, which falls under this thread anyway.
About staycations, it's a great get-together. My female friends and I have staycations too, but we always bring friends along, plus mahjong table or board games. And only really trusted friends can do staycation. It's a pretty good test of the girl, see if she has any ulterior motives.
Always have other friends around, for protetction. My best female friends and I spend a lot of time together at nice restaurants, and then go back to own homes for good rest, and then come out and play again. Best of both worlds, outside and home! Vacations too, but let's face it... bulk discounts apply to vacations too, so I usually have at least 3-4 as a travel group.
<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!><font size=1>quote:</font>
so that he has more friends to hang out with so he will not be lonely when he comes to sg for business<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>And this is as fake as a guy saying "my extra-marital lover and me has same wavelength, and my organ happens to be of the correct length". Sorry for straightforward answer, but this age-old excuse from men gets me all the time. I never fully trust business partners who follow their "organ's lead".
Successful businessmen are never lonely. They have A LOT of contacts. Have developed deep and genuine friendships with business partners, strong employees, hang out with clients, etc. Unsuccessful businessmen do hit-and-run sales (cheat and go to another town), offend everyone, have affairs with partners' women, etc. Well, not exactly, but you get the picture.
If he really is that successful, he'll be invited to employees' birthday parties, house-warming, etc etc. Lonely? Lonely for girl's touch, maybe.
Now, it's a different thing if he whips out a wedding proposal for your friend. I'd say.. go for it.
so that he has more friends to hang out with so he will not be lonely when he comes to sg for business<!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>And this is as fake as a guy saying "my extra-marital lover and me has same wavelength, and my organ happens to be of the correct length". Sorry for straightforward answer, but this age-old excuse from men gets me all the time. I never fully trust business partners who follow their "organ's lead".
Successful businessmen are never lonely. They have A LOT of contacts. Have developed deep and genuine friendships with business partners, strong employees, hang out with clients, etc. Unsuccessful businessmen do hit-and-run sales (cheat and go to another town), offend everyone, have affairs with partners' women, etc. Well, not exactly, but you get the picture.
If he really is that successful, he'll be invited to employees' birthday parties, house-warming, etc etc. Lonely? Lonely for girl's touch, maybe.
Now, it's a different thing if he whips out a wedding proposal for your friend. I'd say.. go for it.
blueswimmercrab
Member
Hi jon, thanks for sharing the guy pov. So, what kind of guys shld single women look for in order to marry a good husband. Any traits? Family background. Job?
queenie_disney
New Member
If you really want to fight back with the mistress. Do not cry or kpkb. The mistress tears are more powerful than yours. As a wife, you should be as gentle as possible. A wife's gentleness(温柔)is a powerful weapon aganist the mistress
blueswimmercrab
Member
hi queenie, so what do you suggest?
I am lost now... My hubby involve with a PRC women.. We have 2 children and the younger one is 3 years old.. Now a days he seldom come back home... When I confront him, he did not deny he got women outside. I want to keep custody of my child and the house.. can anyone advice me how to proceed from here and I know if consult lawyer it is very ex..