Divorce support group
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tanlengleng
Active Member
Wellness (health),
you 2 still share the same bed?
Are the kids in the same room?
If she's too sane during the day, try midnight...
you 2 still share the same bed?
Are the kids in the same room?
If she's too sane during the day, try midnight...
Smt she would lose temper on the kids... For the slightest mischievious behaviour...
Smt abusive and smt nice....
Worse yet the kids are STILL very close to her where me, i dote on them so much i hardly raise my hand but they.... Sigh.....
All of us sleep in the same room, i sleep on the floor with them and she takes the bed... Its been like this for 2 yrs....
Even before all this our sex life is not really great, so its not really contributing if we dun sleep together...
Its not use trying in the day or night.... She would not let me touch her with or without kids around...
Even when we go out she wont let me hold her hand, she wont hold mine either...
In other words.... NO PHYSICAL CONTACT AT ALL.... NOTHING...... Not even finger nails, hair, NOTHING.... TOTALLY NOTHING... You get wat i mean ?
If you read my other posts on top, all i ever did was starting a business of my own and she had to treat me like this ??
So wats next ? Sex therapist or psychiatrist ?
I think this is the worse case of the worst, of the worst, of the worst anyone of you ever heard of....
Smt abusive and smt nice....
Worse yet the kids are STILL very close to her where me, i dote on them so much i hardly raise my hand but they.... Sigh.....
All of us sleep in the same room, i sleep on the floor with them and she takes the bed... Its been like this for 2 yrs....
Even before all this our sex life is not really great, so its not really contributing if we dun sleep together...
Its not use trying in the day or night.... She would not let me touch her with or without kids around...
Even when we go out she wont let me hold her hand, she wont hold mine either...
In other words.... NO PHYSICAL CONTACT AT ALL.... NOTHING...... Not even finger nails, hair, NOTHING.... TOTALLY NOTHING... You get wat i mean ?
If you read my other posts on top, all i ever did was starting a business of my own and she had to treat me like this ??
So wats next ? Sex therapist or psychiatrist ?
I think this is the worse case of the worst, of the worst, of the worst anyone of you ever heard of....
tanlengleng
Active Member
I hope the counseling will help improve the relationship...
How did you woo her last time,
can try to start all over again?
How did you woo her last time,
can try to start all over again?
Totally cant anymore....
She hv shutted the door and locked it permenantly to all my advances...
She even said if i try to say or do any mushy things she would flipped and the divorce thing will come back again...
I hv nv come across things like this before ever....
Well obviously its our 1st marriage....
I heard stories how bad the husband can be, abusive, affairs, drunkard, gambler etc....
Wife demanding, affairs, spend too much etc....
But hv you ever heard of wife turned on you becoz you wanted to start a business hoping to bring back more income ?
She hv shutted the door and locked it permenantly to all my advances...
She even said if i try to say or do any mushy things she would flipped and the divorce thing will come back again...
I hv nv come across things like this before ever....
Well obviously its our 1st marriage....
I heard stories how bad the husband can be, abusive, affairs, drunkard, gambler etc....
Wife demanding, affairs, spend too much etc....
But hv you ever heard of wife turned on you becoz you wanted to start a business hoping to bring back more income ?
fantasiaval
Member
wellness, was her face upset or black black when u mention set up business??
is it because u did not include her in most of the biz planning?? or perhaps u loaned $ and she thinks may affect the family?
i was thinking if counselling cant even open her mind to talk then she seriously may have another guy out there OR she totally sick of u ( i mean the whole u) OR she die die wans SINGLEHOOD again with no child no husband nothing to tie her down.
my final advise if counselling or even talking to her cant work, pls don let her have custody of her children cause to me i despise women who actually can abandon her kids with no rhyme or reason.
pls don find any of my words offensive..im jus trying to list some reasons for u.
is it because u did not include her in most of the biz planning?? or perhaps u loaned $ and she thinks may affect the family?
i was thinking if counselling cant even open her mind to talk then she seriously may have another guy out there OR she totally sick of u ( i mean the whole u) OR she die die wans SINGLEHOOD again with no child no husband nothing to tie her down.
my final advise if counselling or even talking to her cant work, pls don let her have custody of her children cause to me i despise women who actually can abandon her kids with no rhyme or reason.
pls don find any of my words offensive..im jus trying to list some reasons for u.
Hi, i thank you all for the support, opinions, advices and everything else....
But somehow i really dunno how to really tell you wats happening becoz she can be hot now and cold immediately....
I am really totally helpless....
She juz told me she will stay on but keep away from her life....
Which means DO NOT INTERFERE but at the same time be nice to the kids....
See.... Hot and cold....
But somehow i really dunno how to really tell you wats happening becoz she can be hot now and cold immediately....
I am really totally helpless....
She juz told me she will stay on but keep away from her life....
Which means DO NOT INTERFERE but at the same time be nice to the kids....
See.... Hot and cold....
Hi,
This juz in...
The exact words from her sms to me...
"For the sake of the two kids,we try to stay under 1 roof happily,can?"
"What happen now?until now,u still behave like tis.i very difficult lik tat.i now propse peaceful arrangement.so long we dun quarrel n interfer into each other life,can go out if u or me wants n dun mention divorce or separation,can?lik dat,no more quarrels.like dat,can?"
"No nid win me back.we jus stay under 1roof peacefully,dun tok abt anytin of the past,concentrate on kids.dun interfer in each other's life,can liao lo.how?"
"No.not having someone else.is bcoz i dun wan ppl to interfer into my life."
So wats my next step ?
This juz in...
The exact words from her sms to me...
"For the sake of the two kids,we try to stay under 1 roof happily,can?"
"What happen now?until now,u still behave like tis.i very difficult lik tat.i now propse peaceful arrangement.so long we dun quarrel n interfer into each other life,can go out if u or me wants n dun mention divorce or separation,can?lik dat,no more quarrels.like dat,can?"
"No nid win me back.we jus stay under 1roof peacefully,dun tok abt anytin of the past,concentrate on kids.dun interfer in each other's life,can liao lo.how?"
"No.not having someone else.is bcoz i dun wan ppl to interfer into my life."
So wats my next step ?
tongtong8
Active Member
wellness, i just wonder why did she say " dun interfere my life" but not having somebody else.
Is she very into any religion or belief now? cuz i think if someone is very deep into a cult or anything will behave like this...cuz of the strong influence which brain wash them.
Is she very into any religion or belief now? cuz i think if someone is very deep into a cult or anything will behave like this...cuz of the strong influence which brain wash them.
She hv a religion since young from her family, i cant say coz its not really nice in case some others misunderstood....
At this point now i dunno wat to do....
I reckon nobody experienced this kind of situation before...
My only hope is hope her counselling appt can wake her up....
I guess now my move is not to stay home anymore after sending them back to our hse in case she goes out at nite suddenly....
Smt she would juz go out saying meeting colleagues to discuss work...
However i do sensed her current job is giving her tremendous stress. She did say if not for the pay check she would not hv stayed...
At this point now i dunno wat to do....
I reckon nobody experienced this kind of situation before...
My only hope is hope her counselling appt can wake her up....
I guess now my move is not to stay home anymore after sending them back to our hse in case she goes out at nite suddenly....
Smt she would juz go out saying meeting colleagues to discuss work...
However i do sensed her current job is giving her tremendous stress. She did say if not for the pay check she would not hv stayed...
tanlengleng
Active Member
Wellness (health),
ask her... you need sex, how? NEED!
Go out & find?!?!
tongtong,
you sound... a little right hor...
I asked my hubby, he says.. maybe "tio gong tao liao"
ask her... you need sex, how? NEED!
Go out & find?!?!
tongtong,
you sound... a little right hor...
I asked my hubby, he says.. maybe "tio gong tao liao"
TLL,
i think i can ans your qns....
She will definately say go out find and pay lor....
She wont care also...
How to find out if she under black magic ?
Is there anywhere that can find out quite accurate one ?
Actually wat i doing now is instead of her who keeps going out suddenly, might as well i be the one going out of the hse so she got no chance to meet up if there is really someone else....
Then she be alone at home with the kids and she wont dare to bring him up also....
If seriously there is someone else.... But i doubt so....
i think i can ans your qns....
She will definately say go out find and pay lor....
She wont care also...
How to find out if she under black magic ?
Is there anywhere that can find out quite accurate one ?
Actually wat i doing now is instead of her who keeps going out suddenly, might as well i be the one going out of the hse so she got no chance to meet up if there is really someone else....
Then she be alone at home with the kids and she wont dare to bring him up also....
If seriously there is someone else.... But i doubt so....
tanlengleng
Active Member
Wellness,
if she says that, you are in something very deep,
cause no wife can tahan hubby doing that outside...
If you were to go out, then... no chance to talk liao,
why not bring the kids out with her...
Many places to go, Ikea, Changi Airport, shipping centers, park, zoo, etc. etc. etc...
Ask your 4 yr old to do the talking,
"mummy pls go with us"...
if she says that, you are in something very deep,
cause no wife can tahan hubby doing that outside...
If you were to go out, then... no chance to talk liao,
why not bring the kids out with her...
Many places to go, Ikea, Changi Airport, shipping centers, park, zoo, etc. etc. etc...
Ask your 4 yr old to do the talking,
"mummy pls go with us"...
TLL,
of coz i will not do that, but i know her...
She will say that... I guess she might already guessed or expected me to go out seeking becoz i hv not been any contact with women for 2 yrs...
The problem now lies with her, if i go out i know i can behave but if she goes out i really dunno wat she do or go out with outside....
As for my girl she wont say anything also...
I guess the best and only way is for me to stay away from her till her counselling appt...
of coz i will not do that, but i know her...
She will say that... I guess she might already guessed or expected me to go out seeking becoz i hv not been any contact with women for 2 yrs...
The problem now lies with her, if i go out i know i can behave but if she goes out i really dunno wat she do or go out with outside....
As for my girl she wont say anything also...
I guess the best and only way is for me to stay away from her till her counselling appt...
tanlengleng
Active Member
Wellness,
Good Luck.
Good Luck.
Hi,
i would like to thank all of you who had contributed in some way regarding me and my wife....
Really thank you to all of you, esp Angela....
You been really wonderful, i hope i helped you too...
Now i got some updates for all of you...
I somehow felt that i no longer feel any love for my wife anymore... I dunno wat happened or why i suddenly feel like this when over the few days when i started posting i tried all ways trying to save us... But now i supposed i began to face reality and realised its not possible anymore....
Here are the sms she sent to me juz today...
"Ok.i understand now.so,i jus wan to let u know,im playin squash w wy on sun n tues.willie n wife may join us at times.thurs is swimmin w wy.tonite i meetin my sis as she said got sometin to tok to me.so,i mayb canx appt w wy,or meet my sis after swimmin,see how.so,pls dun always anyhow tink.we already say,we remain like now,jus to provide a complete family for our kids,a daddy n mummy.so,tats all.ok?"
"To b frank,i jus wan to concentrate on my work.b it affair or not,i dun care or mind oso.right nw,u r the one who refuse to sign paper,tats y i stay put.but b fair to me too.since u refuse to sign the paper,dan dun interfer into my life n wat im doin or where im goin.i hope i make myself very clear to u."
"I dun wish to fight with u.i jus wan u to b fair to me as i had already give in to u,not to ask u sign paper.since i did tat,u shd b doin the same to me,dun intefer into my life.i jus wan to concentrate on my career n hav my freedom.so,pls giv tat back to me.u too,can hav ur freedom which i will nvr stop.jus discuss among ourselve so we can arrange our schedule to look after our kids if either one of us is goin out.i hope u can understand."
"We r not divorce yet,so we r still husband n wife on legal paper."
"Yes.as i did mention,on legal paper, u r still my husband.why do u ask tis?"
"I know my position n I did not betray u.so,u jus understand tat,i jus wan to focus on my career.so,i dun wan to quarrel w u anymore.can?"
"Lets not quarrel anymore.its bad for the kids.we make it a point to go out together,once in every 2 weeks.ok?other dan tat,dun interfer in each other life.can?"
"U know i will not make love w u again.u dun ever tink about it."
After all this, i think i hv given up hope...
I think its juz not worth it anymore... I may not be very educated neither am i rich... But definately i know someone out there deserves my love more....
However i had taken the oath to take care of her for life... Do you think i should hold on to the oath although we might divorce soon ? Am i silly to hang on ?
Pls tell me wat is my direction now....
Shall i make the move to divorce her ? Or wait till the counselling session ?
Some of you might say DO IT, but frankly i really cant do it...
My character is not the vicious and heartless type...
Wait and suffer in silence ? And maybe one day be made a cuckold ?
I dunno....
Wat shall i do now ? I am really tired.... Exhausted....
i would like to thank all of you who had contributed in some way regarding me and my wife....
Really thank you to all of you, esp Angela....
You been really wonderful, i hope i helped you too...
Now i got some updates for all of you...
I somehow felt that i no longer feel any love for my wife anymore... I dunno wat happened or why i suddenly feel like this when over the few days when i started posting i tried all ways trying to save us... But now i supposed i began to face reality and realised its not possible anymore....
Here are the sms she sent to me juz today...
"Ok.i understand now.so,i jus wan to let u know,im playin squash w wy on sun n tues.willie n wife may join us at times.thurs is swimmin w wy.tonite i meetin my sis as she said got sometin to tok to me.so,i mayb canx appt w wy,or meet my sis after swimmin,see how.so,pls dun always anyhow tink.we already say,we remain like now,jus to provide a complete family for our kids,a daddy n mummy.so,tats all.ok?"
"To b frank,i jus wan to concentrate on my work.b it affair or not,i dun care or mind oso.right nw,u r the one who refuse to sign paper,tats y i stay put.but b fair to me too.since u refuse to sign the paper,dan dun interfer into my life n wat im doin or where im goin.i hope i make myself very clear to u."
"I dun wish to fight with u.i jus wan u to b fair to me as i had already give in to u,not to ask u sign paper.since i did tat,u shd b doin the same to me,dun intefer into my life.i jus wan to concentrate on my career n hav my freedom.so,pls giv tat back to me.u too,can hav ur freedom which i will nvr stop.jus discuss among ourselve so we can arrange our schedule to look after our kids if either one of us is goin out.i hope u can understand."
"We r not divorce yet,so we r still husband n wife on legal paper."
"Yes.as i did mention,on legal paper, u r still my husband.why do u ask tis?"
"I know my position n I did not betray u.so,u jus understand tat,i jus wan to focus on my career.so,i dun wan to quarrel w u anymore.can?"
"Lets not quarrel anymore.its bad for the kids.we make it a point to go out together,once in every 2 weeks.ok?other dan tat,dun interfer in each other life.can?"
"U know i will not make love w u again.u dun ever tink about it."
After all this, i think i hv given up hope...
I think its juz not worth it anymore... I may not be very educated neither am i rich... But definately i know someone out there deserves my love more....
However i had taken the oath to take care of her for life... Do you think i should hold on to the oath although we might divorce soon ? Am i silly to hang on ?
Pls tell me wat is my direction now....
Shall i make the move to divorce her ? Or wait till the counselling session ?
Some of you might say DO IT, but frankly i really cant do it...
My character is not the vicious and heartless type...
Wait and suffer in silence ? And maybe one day be made a cuckold ?
I dunno....
Wat shall i do now ? I am really tired.... Exhausted....
fantasiaval
Member
i don knoe what other mums think. but heres some advise
1) if ur wife wish to go counsel, both of u go ahead see what outcome
2) IF don wan go counsel, she realli mean divorce liao.
in this case, just divorce. some mummies here think ur wife "gong tao" need black magic to clear..if u realli wan to try that no doubt go ahead BUT let me warn u ..there r many ppl out there who will CON u to pay a lot of $ saying can clear the black magic from ur wife..
it may take mths/yrs who knoes??? n wld u wan to endure all the stupid things she told u?
n from the looks of the last few sms u jus posted, i realli suspect got another man outside.
IF u decide for divorce, be brave fight for the children cause i guess the children may suffer under a step father.
n i give u another scenario- " IMAGINE ur wife marry that 3rd party, ur kids under custody of her, next time ur wife suddenly wan divorce that man, wat wld happen to the kids??" ur kids wld suffer emotionally again.
BE BRAVE - if ur wife realli don wan u n ur children, be strong for ur children, the children r innocent.
even though i seriously wish u don go thro divorce just like how i keep on giving my husband many chances to change.
sorry i very naggy but some of my thoughts for u..as im oso going thro a lot of pain quarrels wif hubby
1) if ur wife wish to go counsel, both of u go ahead see what outcome
2) IF don wan go counsel, she realli mean divorce liao.
in this case, just divorce. some mummies here think ur wife "gong tao" need black magic to clear..if u realli wan to try that no doubt go ahead BUT let me warn u ..there r many ppl out there who will CON u to pay a lot of $ saying can clear the black magic from ur wife..
it may take mths/yrs who knoes??? n wld u wan to endure all the stupid things she told u?
n from the looks of the last few sms u jus posted, i realli suspect got another man outside.
IF u decide for divorce, be brave fight for the children cause i guess the children may suffer under a step father.
n i give u another scenario- " IMAGINE ur wife marry that 3rd party, ur kids under custody of her, next time ur wife suddenly wan divorce that man, wat wld happen to the kids??" ur kids wld suffer emotionally again.
BE BRAVE - if ur wife realli don wan u n ur children, be strong for ur children, the children r innocent.
even though i seriously wish u don go thro divorce just like how i keep on giving my husband many chances to change.
sorry i very naggy but some of my thoughts for u..as im oso going thro a lot of pain quarrels wif hubby
My wife beats the kids for no reason at all....
Is there anyway i can gather evidence of her actions ?
If not will the court pass custody to me if i got an email stating she is willing to let me hv the kids ?
I think we are ending it soon, she is simply unreasonable...
Can you imagine juz becoz my younger one is sick and coughing in middle of nite, she can wake up and scold my younger one for coughing and vomiting and beat her....
Is there anyway i can gather evidence of her actions ?
If not will the court pass custody to me if i got an email stating she is willing to let me hv the kids ?
I think we are ending it soon, she is simply unreasonable...
Can you imagine juz becoz my younger one is sick and coughing in middle of nite, she can wake up and scold my younger one for coughing and vomiting and beat her....
fantasiaval
Member
hi wellness,
if theres any bruise, pls take pictures and at the same time bring the child to the doctor n get the doctor to write a letter n confirm that theres abuse.
pls don wait a few days the bruise will disappear. must go c doctor immediately.
But if the bruise is gone, then u didnt take pics im not sure wat else u can do. perhaps other mums can advise???
anyway all evidences such as SMS, emails, pictures..jus keep all n ask the lawyer. as long as got some form of evidence I believe ur lawyer can help u get custody of kids.
since ur kids is abt 2 yr old 4 yr old, they shld be able to tell other ppl that mummy seem to always beat n scold them.. that could be another form of evidence.
if theres any bruise, pls take pictures and at the same time bring the child to the doctor n get the doctor to write a letter n confirm that theres abuse.
pls don wait a few days the bruise will disappear. must go c doctor immediately.
But if the bruise is gone, then u didnt take pics im not sure wat else u can do. perhaps other mums can advise???
anyway all evidences such as SMS, emails, pictures..jus keep all n ask the lawyer. as long as got some form of evidence I believe ur lawyer can help u get custody of kids.
since ur kids is abt 2 yr old 4 yr old, they shld be able to tell other ppl that mummy seem to always beat n scold them.. that could be another form of evidence.
tanlengleng
Active Member
Hi wellness,
I spoke to a friend on your issue,
he says...
Could it be she's down with some illness,
that she doesn't want anyone, including you, to know...
So by staying away from the family & you,
when she's gone, the pain will be more bearable...
Just our 2 cents.
I spoke to a friend on your issue,
he says...
Could it be she's down with some illness,
that she doesn't want anyone, including you, to know...
So by staying away from the family & you,
when she's gone, the pain will be more bearable...
Just our 2 cents.
Hi TLL,
wow this is smt new here, its quite unlikely but lets not rule out any possibilities....
She did mentioned she was seeing a doc or smt....
Perhaps on depression medications...
As for the discipline of the kids i dun see any physical evidence on them as i was present as well...
She didnt really hit hard but its juz not rite to discipline over small matters.
Till now i hv not received any letters yet, so my guess is she is really under alot of pressure from somewhere...
Is there anyone can recommend a shrink doc ?
I bet they will cost me my whole family fortune juz to go there....
wow this is smt new here, its quite unlikely but lets not rule out any possibilities....
She did mentioned she was seeing a doc or smt....
Perhaps on depression medications...
As for the discipline of the kids i dun see any physical evidence on them as i was present as well...
She didnt really hit hard but its juz not rite to discipline over small matters.
Till now i hv not received any letters yet, so my guess is she is really under alot of pressure from somewhere...
Is there anyone can recommend a shrink doc ?
I bet they will cost me my whole family fortune juz to go there....
tanlengleng
Active Member
Hi wellness,
that's a great discovery.
She will need psychology or medical help,
possible to get her to polyclinic for a referral?
This way, cost will be subsidized.
Don't stop loving her, post natal depression is not controllable...
that's a great discovery.
She will need psychology or medical help,
possible to get her to polyclinic for a referral?
This way, cost will be subsidized.
Don't stop loving her, post natal depression is not controllable...
tanlengleng
Active Member
Hi wellness,
there's many types of medications,
will be better if you know what she's taking...
YES, religion may help too.
there's many types of medications,
will be better if you know what she's taking...
YES, religion may help too.
Is there a "cure" for depression ?
Now i know wats going on, it literally explains her actions...
I really cant sit back do nothing...
Can i look up her doc and find out wat happens ?
Though i know she wont tell me where she goes to and the doc might not tell me the confidential details....
So wat can i do ?
Now i know wats going on, it literally explains her actions...
I really cant sit back do nothing...
Can i look up her doc and find out wat happens ?
Though i know she wont tell me where she goes to and the doc might not tell me the confidential details....
So wat can i do ?
tanlengleng
Active Member
tongtong,
depression is something that the patient has no control of....
wellness,
there are many types of depressions,
some made the patient violent, some kept to themselves,
some have suicidal thoughts, many many others...
A friend of mine need to take her "happy pills" daily,
else she'll hit her hubby & kids, or may think everyone is keeping things from her...
Her doc will not disclose anything to you, unless she allows it...
depression is something that the patient has no control of....
wellness,
there are many types of depressions,
some made the patient violent, some kept to themselves,
some have suicidal thoughts, many many others...
A friend of mine need to take her "happy pills" daily,
else she'll hit her hubby & kids, or may think everyone is keeping things from her...
Her doc will not disclose anything to you, unless she allows it...
So there is like nothing i can do ?
Even i try to comfort her she would shut me out....
You know becoz of her, for the past few days i been to church to seek healing for myself... Its like i needed counselling more than she needs it....
And our 2 girls are suffering becoz of her, crying every nite for mommy to come back...
Wat is the best thing i can do now ?
Even i try to comfort her she would shut me out....
You know becoz of her, for the past few days i been to church to seek healing for myself... Its like i needed counselling more than she needs it....
And our 2 girls are suffering becoz of her, crying every nite for mommy to come back...
Wat is the best thing i can do now ?
tanlengleng
Active Member
wellness,
be patient, cannot rush...
My friend took 2 years to clam down,
but she needs her medicine daily...
1st, she needs to admit that she's ill,
then accept you to bring her to, doctor, church, counseling...
Is there anyone at her side that you can talk to?
Her sister, brother or parents?
be patient, cannot rush...
My friend took 2 years to clam down,
but she needs her medicine daily...
1st, she needs to admit that she's ill,
then accept you to bring her to, doctor, church, counseling...
Is there anyone at her side that you can talk to?
Her sister, brother or parents?
Only been communicating with her sis... But it seems her family is abit sort of misunderstood me after this thing happens...
She agreed to go for counselling, which is 2 weeks away...
But anything can happen in this 2 weeks... Same thing like this happens one mth ago when things were looking fine then , then suddenly went down hill.
Strange thing is she agreed to go out as a family on Sun, which i intend to bring her to church... So i guess she is in some sort of mixed feelings
She agreed to go for counselling, which is 2 weeks away...
But anything can happen in this 2 weeks... Same thing like this happens one mth ago when things were looking fine then , then suddenly went down hill.
Strange thing is she agreed to go out as a family on Sun, which i intend to bring her to church... So i guess she is in some sort of mixed feelings
tanlengleng
Active Member
Dear Wellness,
this is depression...
She may be telling a different set of story to her family members,
perhaps you could get her sister out & discuss with her?
this is depression...
She may be telling a different set of story to her family members,
perhaps you could get her sister out & discuss with her?
Hi all,
i juz fetched my wife home this evening... Yes she agreed to come home...
Somehow i felt smt is really amissed... I do not think she actually looked up a lawyer yet, which is a good thing...
But i really felt strange abt her actions... Or is it my mind is running wild...
I felt very uneasy abt everything, her actions suggested there is another person which of coz i really hoped not...
This whole ordeal is making me crazy... It seems like i am the one who needed counselling more than her, and i needed to seek healing from churches and enlightenment...
Its really making me crazy, i dunno wat i should do and i worry that if i do smt wrong she would take off again...
I really wanna tail her on her nite outs but i cant becoz whenever she is out i gotta take care of the kids at home... And becoz of this is making crazy thinkng the negative...
I really wanna trust her but her actions forbids it...
She claims there isnt anybody but i really dunno....
Worse part of it all is she taken up smoking, and is really shutting me out from her completely...
I tried so hard trying to help her but nothing changed...
Why am i the one suffering when she is the one who is supposed to be suffering ?
Wat shall i do ???
i juz fetched my wife home this evening... Yes she agreed to come home...
Somehow i felt smt is really amissed... I do not think she actually looked up a lawyer yet, which is a good thing...
But i really felt strange abt her actions... Or is it my mind is running wild...
I felt very uneasy abt everything, her actions suggested there is another person which of coz i really hoped not...
This whole ordeal is making me crazy... It seems like i am the one who needed counselling more than her, and i needed to seek healing from churches and enlightenment...
Its really making me crazy, i dunno wat i should do and i worry that if i do smt wrong she would take off again...
I really wanna tail her on her nite outs but i cant becoz whenever she is out i gotta take care of the kids at home... And becoz of this is making crazy thinkng the negative...
I really wanna trust her but her actions forbids it...
She claims there isnt anybody but i really dunno....
Worse part of it all is she taken up smoking, and is really shutting me out from her completely...
I tried so hard trying to help her but nothing changed...
Why am i the one suffering when she is the one who is supposed to be suffering ?
Wat shall i do ???
tanlengleng
Active Member
Wellness,
you need to talk to someone...
someone who can help you, don't wait till sunday...
act fast...
you need to talk to someone...
someone who can help you, don't wait till sunday...
act fast...
Hi all,
how would you define "having an affair" ?
sorry i didnt really heed your advice...
I discovered she been exchanging some intimate lovey dovey msgs with this guy. Although i am sureshe didnt do the actwith him but the msgs actually suggested she is apologetic towards him for not disclosing the truth abt her to him...
They been saying things like darling, i know you be single again hope you give me a chance and some others...
I thinking of getting a PI to locste his address and confront him....
My dear fellow mates....
I am devastated, crushed, betrayed.....
I am so lost i cant work... Cant do anything but think abt this problem....
Wat shld i do ?
how would you define "having an affair" ?
sorry i didnt really heed your advice...
I discovered she been exchanging some intimate lovey dovey msgs with this guy. Although i am sureshe didnt do the actwith him but the msgs actually suggested she is apologetic towards him for not disclosing the truth abt her to him...
They been saying things like darling, i know you be single again hope you give me a chance and some others...
I thinking of getting a PI to locste his address and confront him....
My dear fellow mates....
I am devastated, crushed, betrayed.....
I am so lost i cant work... Cant do anything but think abt this problem....
Wat shld i do ?
fantasiaval
Member
so does it mean she depression then she go find another man???
it doesnt even sound right to me..as if u abused her everyday then she depressed and find another man.
if u find PI its gona cost u $$$..i understd ur mind in a whirl but for the sake of ur children pls focus at work...u definitely need ur job if u realii realli end up divorce.
how abt this suggestion? sit down 1-1 wif that counsellor whom u got an appt. then when it comes to the actual day that counsellor can see what qns to pose to ur wife to dig out more truth.
it doesnt even sound right to me..as if u abused her everyday then she depressed and find another man.
if u find PI its gona cost u $$$..i understd ur mind in a whirl but for the sake of ur children pls focus at work...u definitely need ur job if u realii realli end up divorce.
how abt this suggestion? sit down 1-1 wif that counsellor whom u got an appt. then when it comes to the actual day that counsellor can see what qns to pose to ur wife to dig out more truth.
fantasiaval
Member
any1 here have frens or who actually divorced with a kid?
im in a big dilemma now..i already thought of divorce seriously over the last yr. but didnt wan to cause i have no job and have 1 kid.
my hb has been verbally abusing me whenever we quarrel. already slapped once or twice in 2 occasions. he say im very naggy always wan quarrel and ask me stop naggy. as we r staying with my in laws, a lot of things my hb will say follow my in laws wishes cause they stay in big hse.
i don have a gd r/s wif my in laws cause regardless of what they say or do they will always side with their own children in the end. never side or agree with me.
i dont like the idea of divorce BUT i seriously thought that if im to be in this marraige another 10 or 20 yrs..im going to have a heart attack soon.
now my concerns are:-
1) my marriage will be 2 yrs this coming Nov. i have 1 yr old kid. I not working but looking for a new job.
Wld this factor of not having a stable income affect the outcome of who get custody of child? I must get my child custody no matter what.
2) Since Im jobless going 2 yrs cause I wish to stay home look after baby, all my allowances come from husband.
Wld this affect custody of child cause the judge can say my husband got $$ for the child livelihood?
3) IF I managed to divorce, i have to stay at my parents hdb hse for the time being which also share with my siblings (so its crowded), my in laws stay private hse.
Wld this again affect custody of child just because I don have a big hse for my child to stay?
But the child will be taken care of by my mum if i go to work, my MIL is working and no experience taking care of child.
Pls advise. thks u so much.
im in a big dilemma now..i already thought of divorce seriously over the last yr. but didnt wan to cause i have no job and have 1 kid.
my hb has been verbally abusing me whenever we quarrel. already slapped once or twice in 2 occasions. he say im very naggy always wan quarrel and ask me stop naggy. as we r staying with my in laws, a lot of things my hb will say follow my in laws wishes cause they stay in big hse.
i don have a gd r/s wif my in laws cause regardless of what they say or do they will always side with their own children in the end. never side or agree with me.
i dont like the idea of divorce BUT i seriously thought that if im to be in this marraige another 10 or 20 yrs..im going to have a heart attack soon.
now my concerns are:-
1) my marriage will be 2 yrs this coming Nov. i have 1 yr old kid. I not working but looking for a new job.
Wld this factor of not having a stable income affect the outcome of who get custody of child? I must get my child custody no matter what.
2) Since Im jobless going 2 yrs cause I wish to stay home look after baby, all my allowances come from husband.
Wld this affect custody of child cause the judge can say my husband got $$ for the child livelihood?
3) IF I managed to divorce, i have to stay at my parents hdb hse for the time being which also share with my siblings (so its crowded), my in laws stay private hse.
Wld this again affect custody of child just because I don have a big hse for my child to stay?
But the child will be taken care of by my mum if i go to work, my MIL is working and no experience taking care of child.
Pls advise. thks u so much.
Hi Val,
i like to thank you for your support over my situation, though i hv not gone thru the procedure yet so i cant help much...
Here is wat i can help with...
You are married barely 2 yrs and your hb is abusive, this is smt nobody can ever endure...
I would suggest you leave him, but of coz i like to ask if you ever mention divorce to him before ? Did he say he will repent ? Personally i would say give a 3 strikes rule and still no change then its out...
As for the custody, i really dunno wat to say but i hope you will find a job soon. Once you are out, everything is on your own.
I like to tell you though, that i once heard a story whereby the judge passed custody to a mother who is a prostitute. So for you, do not lose hope...
i like to thank you for your support over my situation, though i hv not gone thru the procedure yet so i cant help much...
Here is wat i can help with...
You are married barely 2 yrs and your hb is abusive, this is smt nobody can ever endure...
I would suggest you leave him, but of coz i like to ask if you ever mention divorce to him before ? Did he say he will repent ? Personally i would say give a 3 strikes rule and still no change then its out...
As for the custody, i really dunno wat to say but i hope you will find a job soon. Once you are out, everything is on your own.
I like to tell you though, that i once heard a story whereby the judge passed custody to a mother who is a prostitute. So for you, do not lose hope...
fantasiaval
Member
i mentioned divorce before..but i don think he wan divorce cause he still wan the child.
many chances already still like that..he always never say sorry. tats y i still thinking wan to give chance or not.
many chances already still like that..he always never say sorry. tats y i still thinking wan to give chance or not.
tanlengleng
Active Member
Wellness,
exchanging lovey dovey msgs...
hiazzz... lots of mummies here have this problem,
just that the smses are between their husbands & other other women,
for your case.. it's the other way round...
Hope all will be well soon.
Take care ya...
exchanging lovey dovey msgs...
hiazzz... lots of mummies here have this problem,
just that the smses are between their husbands & other other women,
for your case.. it's the other way round...
Hope all will be well soon.
Take care ya...
tanlengleng
Active Member
val (fantasiaval),
http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/public/you_and_the_law/custody_and_maintenance.aspx
http://app2.lab.gov.sg/
I grew up in a family with a very bad tempered dad,
he'll beat us, can us even throw the TV at us,
many times, my mum thought of leaving the place with the 3 of us,
but she bite on... today.. after more than 30 years,
we're are married & independent, now it's my mum's "show",
she told my dad "I don't have to depend on your anymore, if you don't behave, I'll divorce you"
Jia You,
Leng Leng
http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/public/you_and_the_law/custody_and_maintenance.aspx
http://app2.lab.gov.sg/
I grew up in a family with a very bad tempered dad,
he'll beat us, can us even throw the TV at us,
many times, my mum thought of leaving the place with the 3 of us,
but she bite on... today.. after more than 30 years,
we're are married & independent, now it's my mum's "show",
she told my dad "I don't have to depend on your anymore, if you don't behave, I'll divorce you"
Jia You,
Leng Leng
Well Val,
all i can say is its your call....
3 strikes and you are out....
I really hates abusive ppl, be it male or female...
I am saddened by all this, divorce divorce divorce....
If want divorce then marry for wat ??
Anyway dun give up, plan your path and most important endure till you find a job....
We will be with you...
all i can say is its your call....
3 strikes and you are out....
I really hates abusive ppl, be it male or female...
I am saddened by all this, divorce divorce divorce....
If want divorce then marry for wat ??
Anyway dun give up, plan your path and most important endure till you find a job....
We will be with you...
fantasiaval
Member
mine was a big mistake..its a shot gun wedding not a planned one..
tats y i also wan to blame myself for all these too.
lets c..i take one step at a time
tats y i also wan to blame myself for all these too.
lets c..i take one step at a time
Dear Val,
dun blame yourself for anything... You are a good person.
Be it planned or unplanned marriage i believed you loved him at some point...
Mine was an unplanned marriage too, but we did love each other and through our 3 yrs LOVE blossomed but it started going down in the 4th yr.
I want to tell everybody who gone through bad times that till now, NOW, i still love my wife very much... This is wat called UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
No matter wat she did, she is still my wife and i took an oath to take care of her for life...
I believed she nv did anything unfaithful and she nv really meant to divorce. She was juz misleaded and confused...
Deep inside she still love the family and love me...
Val,
for you, becoz he is abusive physically and verbally i say he is not worth it. As i said the 3 strikes rule, but it seems he did not repent so... Too bad for him.
Do not belittle yourself, you are a good person. And do not blame yourself for anything...
Wish you well....
dun blame yourself for anything... You are a good person.
Be it planned or unplanned marriage i believed you loved him at some point...
Mine was an unplanned marriage too, but we did love each other and through our 3 yrs LOVE blossomed but it started going down in the 4th yr.
I want to tell everybody who gone through bad times that till now, NOW, i still love my wife very much... This is wat called UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
No matter wat she did, she is still my wife and i took an oath to take care of her for life...
I believed she nv did anything unfaithful and she nv really meant to divorce. She was juz misleaded and confused...
Deep inside she still love the family and love me...
Val,
for you, becoz he is abusive physically and verbally i say he is not worth it. As i said the 3 strikes rule, but it seems he did not repent so... Too bad for him.
Do not belittle yourself, you are a good person. And do not blame yourself for anything...
Wish you well....
fantasiaval
Member
i was never advocate of divorce.
since mine was unplanned marriage and i was naive to think my hb will change for the better..
he is a serious big MCP. to him its abt who make the most $ who can decide on most things!
so if same thing happen to me a few more times i may realli realli take action divorce..
since mine was unplanned marriage and i was naive to think my hb will change for the better..
he is a serious big MCP. to him its abt who make the most $ who can decide on most things!
so if same thing happen to me a few more times i may realli realli take action divorce..
I need advice cos i am really confused.
Things have happened over the past few months that have made me totally distrust this man i married.
We have one child, married for 5 yrs. Financially im independent i dont need him.
First I found out he went to those online personals sites. He got to know some women. Claimed they never met. that part i believed.
But the problem is why did he have to keep denying when i asked about a certain email account belonging to him/?
He refused and denied cos that was the one he used to contact these women.
By God;s grace, i got into the account and showed it to him. He then couldnt deny already. Then he acted gung ho, saying what's wrong with making new friends. blah blah blah
Then he said its cos i stoppped showing him affection etc...fine blame me, i dont blame myself...
Then i suspected he was smoking...kept asking him but he stupidly denied it...also God's grace that i actually found a lighter outside our home...but its the stench onhis clothes, fingers and even mouth that confirmed hes smoking...
asked for months but he still denied...in the end he admitted yesterday...and again, its like, Im smoking, so what?
So waht? I told him to smoke and die of cancer for all i care but the whole issue is, why WHY WHY cant u tell me when i have asked?!!!
I told him i already have no trust in him after the last thing...and now this?!!
I dont suppose i can divorce on the grounds that he is a major liar...
This may seem trivial to some but to me the underlying issue is that he cannot be honest to me and i have no idea what else he has lied about to me...
I feel stupid and cheated...most of all i feel confused. I have no love left for him. But if we get a divorce i know he will fight for custody.
Things have happened over the past few months that have made me totally distrust this man i married.
We have one child, married for 5 yrs. Financially im independent i dont need him.
First I found out he went to those online personals sites. He got to know some women. Claimed they never met. that part i believed.
But the problem is why did he have to keep denying when i asked about a certain email account belonging to him/?
He refused and denied cos that was the one he used to contact these women.
By God;s grace, i got into the account and showed it to him. He then couldnt deny already. Then he acted gung ho, saying what's wrong with making new friends. blah blah blah
Then he said its cos i stoppped showing him affection etc...fine blame me, i dont blame myself...
Then i suspected he was smoking...kept asking him but he stupidly denied it...also God's grace that i actually found a lighter outside our home...but its the stench onhis clothes, fingers and even mouth that confirmed hes smoking...
asked for months but he still denied...in the end he admitted yesterday...and again, its like, Im smoking, so what?
So waht? I told him to smoke and die of cancer for all i care but the whole issue is, why WHY WHY cant u tell me when i have asked?!!!
I told him i already have no trust in him after the last thing...and now this?!!
I dont suppose i can divorce on the grounds that he is a major liar...
This may seem trivial to some but to me the underlying issue is that he cannot be honest to me and i have no idea what else he has lied about to me...
I feel stupid and cheated...most of all i feel confused. I have no love left for him. But if we get a divorce i know he will fight for custody.