Divorce support group

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boardgames

New Member
I am a SAHM (with a 2 year old child) going through a very rough time for my marriage, that has lasted some time. We have tried resolving our problems for a long time, but the more we tried, the worse it seems. A better option in the long term for us could be a divorce.

Being married for so many years, it's daunting just thinking of coping all alone. It's scary to think of all the time alone. Even with friends, most of them are happily married with kids who can't really understand the pain I'm going through and how hard it is to face the world alone in the future.

Are there any people out there who are going through the same or have gone through to offer some advice, support, encouragement and comfort? It will be nice to know more friends who can understand or who are going through the same pain to support each other through this.
 


Hi there, I know wat u mean. I'm in the process of getting a d from hubby too. When colleagues ask abt my family, don know how to answer them too.
Thru this forum, manage to know this melissa who has a support gp for single parents n mummies. I recently joined the group.
Got to know another mummy who is going thru the rough patch also. Have been emailing n sms each other often.
U can also email me if u need someone to talk to/ vent ur frustrations.
My email: [email protected]
 
hi stephanie

may i know which group u've joined? i'm like u too. just started proceedings. pls pm me the link. many thanks.
happy.gif
 
I'm in the midst of divorcing now. I was the one who file for divorce against him. We have got a 4 year old son. I wan my son back, he's currently staying with his father in our matrimonal house, i've moved back and stay with my mum. The reason for filing for divorce is that he has been verbally abusing me for years and he has not been giving me any allowance ever since we're married. But i've got retrenched by my company recently, will i still get to win my son's custody?

My husband got involved in a loanshark case for providing bank account for them to use and was arrested last year, got fined of $50,000 no jail term as first offender.
He has not been giving me any allowance since the very first day we got married. When i was pregnant, no one knew about it, we're still in dating state. Both our parents get to know that i'm pregnant only on the very day that i was send to KK for delivery. He was the one who keep asking not to tell anyone, ya and i really so stupid, ownself bear all the suffering for whole 9 months. We only registered our marriage after my son was born. My son has been taken care of by his paternal grandmother since born, i have to work cant stay @ home to take care of him. Both me and my husband does not earn more than $1.5k per month.
Though he earn more than me but he has been asking me for money every month, and we still have to fork out $200 each to his mum as my son's expenses allowance, he has been asking me for money almost everymonth, min $50 - $300 per month and the point is that he has been earning more than me even back to the days that we are dating till now, he's still earning more than me.

Now my very problem is that:

1. I'm jobless @ this very moment, will i get my son's custody?
2. My son has been taken care of by his paternal grandmother since born and he's now staying with his father. Is it a disadvantage for me? ( I've got no choice but to let his paternal grandmother take care of him, i need to work.)
3. My husband got a criminal case, is it an advantage for me to win the custody?
4. I did applied a PPO against him for family violence, was issued a EO. He always using vulgarities against me, even in front of our boy.
5. Until now i still don't think he will really take care of the boy, he does not know how to teach him @ all, i will be the one asking him about what he had did in school and what have he been learning in sch/childcare every wekend when i pick him up.
 
Hi Josephine,

As far as I understand, kids under 7 years of age will automatically under care and control by mum.
Unless he objects, the furthest can happened is a joint custody.

You have to ask for maintenance for your kid. It will be great if you have receipts of the things you bought of pay for the kid.

About work, you can always put your child to childcare and get your hubby to pay for it. Or a maid and get your hubby to pay for it. He have to anyway. That is his responsibility.
 
i'm planning to file divorce against my husband. We have been on cold war for the past one year. I have tried all means to salvage the marriage including counselling and asking my family members to talk to him but to no avail. He simply refused to communicate with me. If he needs to pass message to me, he will rather convey to the maid than talk to me directly. He treats the maid better than he treats me. In his eyes, i'm just a useless, stupid, dumb person, not able to do anything right.

I have 2 young adorable children. Just don't understand why he is giving me this cold treatment. He is just like a mad dog barking at me when i make him angry over the slighest thing. I am always subject to his verbal abuse and i am suffering in silence for the sake of my children. If i retaliate, it will make him even more annoyed and will scare my children with his screaming. I have the feeling that he just wants his children and it doesn't matter whether he has a wife or not.

i guess i really got to stand firm with my decision to proceed with divorce, otherwise the mental & emotional torture will make me collapse soon. I'm in the midst of sourcing for a lawyer who is experienced in child custody. I really wish to have gain control & care for both my kids and don't want them to be separated. But knowing his character, he will never give up his children. So the proceedings will definitely be contested. I really do not know if i have the stamina to go through the emotionally draining process. ALso, my maid's contract is ending soon and i don't wish to hire a new one. i'm thinking of moving to my mum's place with my younger child who is more attached to me. But he will not allow me to bring my child, in fact, he ever chased me out of the house when we had a heated argument previously and ask me not to come back. I don't wish to continue to stay in the matrimonial house and face his nonsense. I'm having sleepless night over this. BTW, can i file PPO for being abused verbally? I'm really worried that he will become violent physically with his nasty temper. What else can i do? need your advice please....
 
Hi butterfly123,
I feel like I'm talking about my own marriage when I read your story. I'm also planning to file divorce against my husband, and I have 2 young girls. He doesn't communicate with me, and he doesn't spend much time with family at all.

Have you already engaged with a lawyer and started the process? I'd appreciate it if you can share your experience with me.

Since I'm the one who pays for all the expenses (childcare, maids, bills etc), and with the amount of time he spends time with the kids, I don't think I have problems getting the custody.

I finally have the courage to have a good talk with my mum few weeks ago about my marriage situation, and she supports my decision 100%. She also can't tolerate the way he treats me like I'm nothing, invisible in his eyes.
She said... can you stand living with him for another 30-40 years... with the way he treats me like now? life is too short to be wasted.

Well, I feel better that my family is behind me all the way.
I now truly believe that I deserve to find my own happiness, and this challenging marriage will be finally over
 
hi is there any1 having ongoing divorce case?

after listening to so many stories i feel like crying..cause my husband jus slapped me n its not the first time n he did it in front of his own parents n noone stopped him cause they think i aggravated him initially..

which is true but i have my own reason..

can someone email me ?
 
butterfly123,

yes, u can file a PPO against him n drag him to court for trial. see if that will put him off or file directly for immediate D on unreasonable behaviour. HTHS.
 
ive tot of divorcing my husband, but im currently pregnant. we are married for less than a yr. am i eligible for divorce? cos i intend to keep the baby and raise it up myself, thus if i go for annulment, i wont get a cent of maintenance from him right.
we already come to a point of no return... he n his mum were very rude to my family members n me. my hubby is very self centered and he n his mum have unreasonable demands from me.
 
kiki, u are not eligible for divorce as ur marriage is less then 2 years, unless u can prove to the court u are suffering extreme hardship in this marriage. If u really get a divorce, u can get maintenance
 
Hi kiki,

i admire your courage to keep the child when you were not on good terms with your husband. But be rest assured that you will not regret keeping the baby. For my case, my marriage was already on the rocks when i was pregnant with my second child. I've contemplated for abortion cos' i do not want to bring suffering to the child. I even had a few false alarms of miscarriage because of my husband made me upset emotionally and affect the intital stage of pregnancy. I had history of hypertension during first pregnancy and cannot be agitated.

But i've thought thru' it carefully and finally decided to keep my 2nd child who is now a healthy and adorable 2-year. Both my kids bring so much joy and sunshine to my life, especially when i'm stressed out with work and husband. Just seeing their smiling face and hearing them calling u "mummy" will simply take away the misery.

i'm still struggling with my marraige at this point. The situation is still as bad as b4, based on my earlier posting.
 
hi butterfly123
i hope things are looking better for you or u hv resolved your marital issues. i m also stuck in my 4 yo marriage with a 3yo child. i hv given myself till june to decide if the marriage can be salvaged. else, enough is enough and i will have to bite the bullet and file for a separation (simply cos i hv not guts for a divorce) :-(
 
Hi all,

was wondering wat this divorce support group is all abt ?
Is it like a meeting place once a week or once a mth thingy ?
I am going through D now and it is for the MOST STUPIDEST REASON anyone would ever heard...

I really need to talk to someone and seek advice...
I think i need a shrink....
 
Thanks, i understand it might be better to post here as we do not really know our real identities...
But to talk it out rather than typing would be a better choice...
I will try to be as accurate as possible...

We were married for 5 yrs, but really loving for 3 yrs. We had 2 wonderful girls 4yo and 2yo.

Our problems started when i got involved in a business venture 2 yrs ago. We been quarrelling over money matters but seriously speaking i did not concentrate alot of time and money into it, only when there are customers calling only then i went out to meet them. We were quite stable in our income abt $2000 each and we managed to pay off our bills and credits on time.
Things got worse when i decided to rent a hdb shop to start the business, the strange thing is she did show some form of support although she did not like the idea. Example like the shop, she did not agree on it but i did discuss with her abt my plans and she did not comment much. When i got the place and i brought her down for viewing she did give some positive comments abt the place, its location and related...

Juz last mth when i went out alone with her without the kids, usually she would hold my arm but not that day. Instead she folds her arms when walking so i would not take the chance to hold her hands.
After the outing when i asked what happen, why she not happy she juz blurted out the D word saying she dun love me anymore for the past 2 yrs and been suppressing all the problems to herself...

Its been a mth since she mentioned divorce but till now she did not look for a lawyer yet, and for the past mth we got along fine. We still laugh at each other, behave normal but the only problem is that she refused to let me touch her, not even touching her fingers, hair and not to mention making love... In fact we had not been intimate for the past 2 yrs already.

There are more things to say, but i guess that is the story to the best of my knowledge.
My question is, how can love die juz becoz of a stupid reason of money and setting up a business ? The worse part is she actually helped in some way and now she turns on me saying its my fault ?
 
I do understand most cases involved husbands straying and having affairs.....
But come on, i set up a business becoz i wanted my family to have a better life... Am i wrong ?
Now i even left the business to my partners and i willingly lost $15'000 on the shop becoz of her...

Am i wrong ??
I went back to my previous job becoz she wanted me to...
We agreed to go counselling and now this happens before our appt....

Wat did i do exactly wrong ??
If i got a 3rd party i willingly accept the verdict but now....
Its my fault becoz i cared for the family ??????
We didnt even got ourselves into heavy debts...
We were quite ok....

Why did such a thing happens for such a stupid reason ??
 
No...
Like i mentioned i only went out when there are customer calls, oyher than that i stayed home...
I am a homely person, nothing mean more than my family...
I dun smoke i dun gamble i dun go on late nights i dun go out clubbing i dun even hv close friends....
I only got my family....

When it happens, she even ask me to save some money so all of us can go holiday.
And yst when we talked she says she doesnt want this to be ugly, we still can be friends, taking the kids out and stuff....

Wat can i do now ???
 
I read some cases that some involved 3rd parties, husband abusive, husband did not spend much family time etc....
But not me, i am a doting husband loving father....

Why is my wife doing this ??
Why my happy family turn out this way ?
 
I dun think she got another but its a possibility also...
She been going out on certain days with her friends till late, she said it is to avoid seeing me at home...

You think i should get a PI ? If she really had someone else at least i wont feel so bad....
 
at least find out is there a 3rd party or not. If really don't have then might npt be so bad, still can be salavage
 
hi wellness, do try to find out if its a third party..cause from what u relate to me i think ur slightly better than my husband...

my husband oso don communicate to me abt his work..he jus go out wif his frens have beer, golf..sometimes when i ask him wan to bring bb out he wld seem reluctant n face a bit sian. 8/10 times he wont bring bb out when i ask him to.

most of the time either is play golf/online games or go have beer. when ask him to spend more than 1 hr time with bb at home he grumble.

he say "ITS A MOTHER'S RESPONSIBILITY TO CARE FOR BB N NOT ME SINCE U WAN TO BE SAHM".

im realli upset y he always place $ first. he say he is the main breadwinner now so don disturb him abt many other minor issues.. so does it mean that i don have $ i cant have a say in anything?

i think i shld be the one to get a Divorce first rather than u..so u better try to find ways to get perhaps her best fren to talk to her or her parents to tok to her?
 
don't waste and check on any other days, only on those day she goes out, so that it will not be expensive
 
Sorry, i would like to ask if....
Anyone of you out there actually found new life after your Divorce case ?
New life as in new love ? How abt your kids with your previous marriage, how you and your new life cope with it ?

Its such a silly question coming from me....
Also if really dun mind, wats most of you all, your age group when it happens ?
 
Sorry i think i been misleading in the Qns...
It sounds as if i am relieved it happened to me and i cant wait to look for another... Sorry abt it...

Wat i trying to say is if i really go ahead with the papers...
Is there really life after its over ??
Till now i still cant accept the fact its happening to me...
Its like a TVB drama, you nv expected it would happen to you...
 
I feel really crappy now...
We took the oath to take care of each other, in sickness in health, in poor and in riches....

Doesnt all that mean anything in this age anymore ?
 
Hi Wellness

Yes, it is possible to find new life after a divorce. The most tricky part is the child custody/visitation. Your new partner must be able to accept the fact that you can't give her 100% of your time. If she is single, it will be quite a challenge.
 
Thanks all...
I think lets get back to reality for awhile....

I got an email from my wife saying she is willing to let me hv the kids. Can i use this email as evidence for custody ? Is it by law i hv to let her visit once a week ?
 
There is one thing i like to update...

She is very very insistent on signing papers, although she did not kick up a big fuss shouting and screaming I WANT A DIVORCE attitude... But she agreed on counselling and even asked me when is her appt...

My fellow friends... Wat is going on ??
I really cant make out wat is she thinking...
She told me she want back her freedom she lost for 5 married yrs... I dunno wat she is thinking, she can be hot and cold at the same time...
 
Miracle...

My girls are 4yo and 2yo.
Wat i meant is since she gave up the kids, must i allow her to visit by law ?
Can i choose not to let her since she abandon us ?
 
Hi Wellness

Did she said that she is giving up her visitation rights? You can choose not to let her visit, but she can contest.
 
u have no right to stop her from seening your kids since she is the mother. anyway your kids are young, she need your kids.
 
I do agree she is the mother of my kids...
But she had the intention of abandoning us all for her own freedom...
Seriously i too cant bear seeing my kids without their mother, but since she had the heart to do it then i will do the same...
 
Hi Wellness (health),
the word "communication" is missing in your marriage life,
you need to find out what's wrong.

Too many unknowns...
1. Does the problem lies with you or her?
2. Is there a third party?
3. Did someone tell her "something" about you that don't exist?

Find caretaker for your kids,
you need 200% communications within the 2 of you without the kids, handphones, televisions or any disruptions...

Good Luck.
happy.gif
 
Hi TLL,

wat do you mean by communication ?
We did talked but all she ever says is she dun love me anymore becoz of my business and she wanted out...

I would like to get some opinions pls, becoz i really really find it very strange in her behaviour.
She is the one so insistent in the divorce but till now more than 1 mth and still did not look for lawyer.
Back home we still talked still laughed sometimes, she even wanted me to start saving so can bring the family on holiday.

3rd party is unlikely but cant rule out also...
She been going out at nite leaving me taking care of the kids and she said she is meeting her colleagues for work and would come back late at nite. Of coz i dunno if its true she meeting colleagues, she did say once she stayed out till late becoz she didnt wanna see me...

So i really dunno wats going on...
Divorce but did not find lawyer ( not that i looking forward to it ) still talked and laughed, hot and cold at the same time...

She is like forcing me to make the move, rite now i am really slowly losing faith...

And i noticed she is facing tremendous stress at work but she juz doesnt wanna talk abt it...
We hv a common friend who is super negative abt life and everything around her, i dunno if she is the one talking things to my wife...
 
Hi Wellness

Ask her questions like:-
-if there is any chance of reconciliation
-is there anything that you can do to salvage the relationship
-does she bear to see the kids living in an incomplete family

Since you said in your earlier posting that she is willing to go for counselling, please go, don't delay. Since she is not doing anything, you have to take the initiative.
 
Hi Wellness (health),
to talk or communicate is like,
to hear or listen...
Men usually don't know their differences, but IT'S hell of a BIG DIFFERENT!!!

It sounds like she simply "tired",
just like too tired, too bored, too stressed out or just sian (too routine, no excitement)...
Just like someone who say he/she want to quit (no reason too),
but still staying on the job, not looking for new job, not quitting...

YES, SEX LIFE is very important to a marriage couple,
perhaps she has too lack of it,
maybe you should keep the kids away & rekindle "IT"?
Or go for a short holiday & leave the kids to family members?

But on the other hand, she may be finding lawyer & doing some "homework",
if you don't do anything about it,
you'll be in for a "surprise".
She had given you time to action & it's NOW...

Good Luck.
happy.gif
 

Hi TLL,

we hv not done it for 2 yrs already...
Not that i didnt approach, she simply doesnt want it and refused me. She doesnt even let me touch her, not even finger nails... Can you imagine that ??

I do understand SEX does contribute to a lasting relationship but i cant do anything abt it... I always tell her i read in forums and mags sex will really change our lives but she wouldnt listen. She juz not letting me into her life...

Putting the kids out is impossible too coz i know she wont agree. She juz doesnt want to spend time ALONE with me at all...
I tried everything... All she says is I Dun Love You Anymore, Do Not Interfere With My Life, You Lead Your Life I Lead Mine
I only hope the counselling helps... But her appt is 2 weeks away...
 
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