Hi.
First of all, a very warm welcome to xmasbaby and Germenie. It must have been God who led you here to this thread. I've always believed that it was God who showed me the way here. I hope you find strength and maybe make some good friends here, just like what I have experienced!
It may be too much of a hassle to read back on each and everyone of our history. To cut a super long story, I'm in a very much "worse state" than most of the ladies here. Ivf has seen me m/c-ing 2 times and the last d&c might have just scarred my womb for good. For a period of time, I was very bitter too. I was also angry with God. Questioning Him. Doubting His existence. I refused to go to church. Refused to attend cellgroup mtgs. Guess, I must have worried my cgl a lot.
Through interaction with the sisters in this thread, I have learnt a lot about life. About myself. About Christ. I went through the archives to specially find this, written by our sister Blackberry:
"me still thinking much abt the sovereignty and goodness of God; one tends to think that if God is sovereign (and hence, powerful), why does He not act in times of distress? Should we doubt His character (like His goodness) then? And if God is good, why does He not act? Is it that He is not as powerful as we think? Well, as i mentioned in the earlier post, He is both and to define Him is not something we can do. i trust that in some mysterious way, there will be a greater good that will come out of our trials and suffering.
right now i am thinking that if we are in despair, let's turn it to dependency (on God and us, the community?) and if we have become bitter or are tempted to be bitter as we go through trials, let's endeavour to get better..."
As I strive on in my ttc journey, I'm keeping in mind that I shall strive to be better, not bitter. Blackberry may not know it but this is what I keep reminding myself every day. At times, it is difficult. I know that's 'cos I'm human. But still, I try. Recently, Blackberry came up with another "famous quote", "we can't get pregnant, we get fit!" We've been exercising regularly. It's a good start to the new year. I'm keeping all the sisters here in prayer. May everyone find peace in their hearts and taste success!