Child Adoption

Hi Mrs ha, there is nothing wrong to be on a pacifier!! Pacifier acts as a comfort to most babies....my son was on it the first day he was home as he kept crying for no reason (Colic I guess).

And my son is drinking 270ml (now at 18 mths) and he is still on pacifier...so do not worry about it.
 


Congrats mrs ha! You can try taking out the pacifier when he's asleep. I use it when i'm putting my daughter to sleep and take it out when she's almost asleep so that when she wakes up she's not expecting and screaming for it. But it took a couple of months..she's now 6 months.

Enjoy motherhood!
 
@Mrs Ha, I think need not worry to much about the Pacifier, my girl was on it too when she came. She is growing very well currently at 12th month, Infact she is above the 95th percentile for Length at Age and above 90th Percentile for Weight of Age. I also read from the Internet pacifier affect the growth of their teeth but turn out her teeth are growing out beautifully, she has around 8-12 tooth. Dont sweat over such small stuff :) His health is more impt :)

I think u can try Percy way on removing it during the sleep.
 
@gregorywong, @percy, @mrs.chou

thanks a lot for the tips.

do u recommend any books that i can buy, where i can learn about his growth? our public linrary has a rack full of books, but i don;t know which one to borrow?

thanks again
 
mrs ha, you can try these book - What to Expect, The First Year (by Heidi Murkoff) and Weaning (by Annabel Karmel, she's a weaning guru). Hope thse helps!
 
Hi,

Anyone hide their adoption from their relatives and family?

My hb and I are planning for adoption, but we know that both of our family will never accept this....What should we do? Can we totally hide the adoption from them?
 
@babycool: if you are a birthmom/dad, my heart goes out to you for being in this situation. I can see that since 18 Apr, you are still searching for an adoptive family. I'd urge you to immediately contact the following parties to assist you in the way that will be in the best interest of your baby boy/girl:

1) Touch Adoption Services 63179993
2) Pregnancy Crisis Hotline: 6339 9770
Email: [email protected]
3) Project Cherub/Fei Yue 65936491

Think of him/her and his/her future - about how you'd want to be remembered. Respectfully, I suppose.

If, however, you are an agency, pls do not disrespect and abuse this thread. We may desire to be parents so badly but we prefer to form our families in a respectful manner and not 'shop' for our kids online.
 
@Bingbing:
Firstly, I'd like to let you know that I know you are in a difficult place right now. Your desire to have a child is so great yet you don't have the support of those you love. When we started our own journey, both sets of parents were not keen at all. It was only a couple of years down the road that they saw how much treatment, emotional and physical suffering we were going through that they, too, realised that it was the only way for us and supported. Even then, in the first week after my girl came home, it was not very forthcoming. However, after they started interacting with her that they all fell completely head over heels with her. My dad, who was the most resistant of all, used to go fishing on every of his day off. But you know what, he hasn't gone fishing for 5.5 yrs now (yes, my elder girl is 5.5 yo) cos he'd spend EVERY single off day with her! Now that he is retired, he is almost camping at my home to be with my 2 girls! So Bing, when the time comes and when it is right, they will come around. The most impt thing is for the 2 of you to be on the same page first. Take it one step at a time. Think about sitting your parents down together or separately to share how much you are going through. If you'd like them to meet my parents, I'd be happy to fix it, too. Just holler. My dad has agreed to speak with any doubting grandparents. Really : )

Secondly, to my hubby and I, the main difference between parenting a biological child and an adopted one is DISCLOSURE. The truth and honesty displayed from the start will form and integrate into our child's identity from the start and you certainly won't want to start on the wrong foot.

Thirdly, it would be rather difficult to hide unless you are prepared to put on a pregnancy suit, etc. Then again, the timing might be less or more than 9 mths from the time you start your HSR and obtain a final report to being matched with a baby.

We have learnt and seen that our child's approach and take on being adopted is how YOU, as parents, portray it. If it is to be something hush-hushed, then your child will feel inferior or will mask it in duplicity. Surely, it will take a toll on everyone. Make sure you have support to work through this; why not join a support group via Touch or Fei Yue.

Take your time to think through how you'd want to approach this whilst you submit your HSR.

I wish you all the best and keep us updated.

Andrea
 
@Andrea: My family and relatives are outside of Singapore. Only my MIL and SIL are in Singapore, but we seldom see each other. So, what we planning to do is not to meet them until we have our baby sometime end of the year. And will just tell them that this is our child that I just give birth. Do you think this will work? Coz we really understand our family background, they will never ever accept adoption as they are very conservative. We think of keeping the adoption as a secret between my hb and myself as we do not want them to treat our baby differently.
 
Hey Bing, I see where you are coming from, ie, not much interaction with the family.

However, let me play the devil's advocate and ask you to fastrack to the time your child is 9 or 10. Here, I'd assume that you have disclosed to him about his adoption but tell him not to mention that around the relations.... How would it affect him? and your relationship with him? It's a tricky one cos as your child grows and the disclosure deepens, you'd be packing in all the positiveness of how your family has been formed differently from biological ones. But it'll all be sloped off when meeting the relatives... which might kind of 'undo' what you'd be building up with regards to the disclosure.... it's a real tricky one.

Who do the rest think? Invictus? Mrs Chou? Diedie? Iwantitverymuch?
 
Hi Bingbing,

Do reconsider about keeping the adoption a secret as sooner or later baby will find out if not soon then in the years to come and will feel hurt that it was kept a secret from him/her all this time. Maybe you are wrong about how your relatives will feel towards your baby. Who could not fall in love with a cute chubby baby? As u do not see your relatives all the time, you do not need to angst over what they think. This is a decision between you and your husband. Any relative who does not accept your baby does not deserve respect or your attention.
 
Hi all , great ladies....may I know CAN I adopt from any orphanage in Singapore

How?

Do they have baby type or only allow to bring home older children?

Please share....
 
Hi Andrea & Die,

Thanks for your kind advice...I think what you said are right, we shouldn't consider to keep the adoption as a secret... Thanks again
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As I am new here, I dun really know about your history. Are you both adopted a child yet? If yes, are you using Lotus as your agent? How was it?

Also, can I take a look of your child photo if you dun mind?

Thanks
 
hi all,

i know it's a little late .. but "Happy Mother's Day" to all the wonderful mummies on this thread. And to all the mummies-to-be .. stay positive, and know that your child will find you
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bingbing

there are also quite a bit of materials online, as well as at our national libraries .. you can browse and get a better understanding of disclosure, as well as adoption as a whole. personally, my wife and i feel that disclosure is an important part of the growing-up process and we have made plans on how we will go about sharing this with our little one.

you may also like to just skim the archives for this thread as there's quite a bit of very relevant and useful info. We did the same thing when we first discovered this thread, and found it extremely helpful
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miko2006,

perhaps you can check with project cherub or one of the accredited agencies with regards to local adoption from orphanages (check out Andrea's earlier post which lists their contact numbers). Mrs Chou has also provided a link to the ecitizen website that you can learn more about adoption in S'pore.
 
Hey bingbing, just found this forum, anyway you must be PROUD if you want to adopt, if not your child will feel it next time, as parents you'll eventually realize that in whatever things you do, you would have to think of the child's feelings first, it's no longer abt our feelings lor...

You don't have to tell all your relatives but it's important to at least tell your parents and siblings since they're your immediate close relatives...
 
To lai ling, I would encourage you really be open to go ahead with adoption, it's the best thing that has ever happened in our lives! The amount of joy and fun (though sleepless nights at times, haha) a child can bring us is tremendous! More plus than minus. We're deeply in love with our girl, and can't live without her now, haha!

Don't be too worried abt what others think cos in the end, we all are supposed to lives our lives well for God, ourselves and for the child!
 
@BingBing, I believe you have got the most honest and sincere answer from Andrea, Die, Invictus & Sunshine and you probably already understand the good intentions of the daddy and mummies here.

Just 1 more pt to add, when u do the HSR & MCYS Home visit interview, this area of your concern will definitely surface, being the fact that MCYS make it Mandatory for all of us to go through Disclosure workshop before pursuing adoption. That itself tell us this is going to be one area we will be assess on, thus to not risk a good HSR and MCYS report, I suggest start having a good talk with them. Have faith in your Parents and your IL :D, Andrea story of her dad's love for her girl is very real to most of us on this threads if you go back to the older posts.

All the best, I hope to hear good news from you soon
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@Invictus, Thanks for the well wishes, your wifey must have had a great time enjoying this year's mother day ! Like many of us the 1st time mum
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I m still waiting for my Hubby's treat though haha ;P

Btw I am still waiting for your reply to my PM :D
 
To all who are thinking of adoption, first of all I'm a busy person like most people, but I care enough to write cos I don't want anyone to miss out the blessings of being able to be parents as a result of adoption!!!

Just a little insight, when one become married, the 2 will become 1 fresh in God's eyes, the priorities in life will then be first - God, Second - husband and wife, third - children, lastly parents, relatives, friends...

So my point is, adoption should be a husband and wife thing, we need not ask parents or relatives for permission cos we're above 21 yo and have the right to make 'sound' decision on our own.

Yes we should at least talk to them abt it out of respect, but the final decision whether to adopt or not still lies in us. (husband & wife).

My wife & I have no regrets eversince we adopt our little girl cos it has indeed brought a lot of SUNSHINE to us!

Quick go for adoption soon, haha, cos when the time comes, things will somehow fall into place lah, and and your present unnecessary worries may not be even there anymore lah, haha!

Still
 
to Sunshine, thanxs a lot! now, i am still unclear of which agency(lotus or?) to go to. can share with me which agency to choose from and what r the items to consider in chossing a reliable agency. thanxs in advance
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Dear mummies and daddies, I need some help here. I think my little girl is ready for 3 meals a day...her sleep patterns have changed. She's 6.5 months and taking the cue from her, I'm starting 3 meals today. But I'm not sure how much milk should she be drinking and how often? Thanks lots!!
 
Hi Percy, There are books out there that recommends a certain amt of solids and milk yr baby should consume per day... : ) you are right by taking cue from your child. How much milk has she been drinking? Has she been finishing less than that amount? If not, just let her have it all cos she may be having growth spurts. If not, just adjust accordingly, like reducing 30 ml, then 60 ml, if the amt of solids increases per meal. Feed the milk between the meals.

: )
 
@lailing - try contacting the following:

1) Touch Adoption Services 63179993
2) Pregnancy Crisis Hotline: 6339 9770
Email: [email protected]
3) Project Cherub/Fei Yue 65936491

other families we know work with Lotus as well as Green House. Beware of dodgy ones who are not professional and you certainly don't want complications after you have been matched.

All the best!
 
mrs chou: great that you pointed out the compulsory talk on disclosure which only highlights its importance.

invictus: tks for the mothers' day wish... it must hv been v special for your wife, too, it being her first. i remember floating on my first : ) what a privilege and blessing to be able to finally celebrate it.
 
Hi everyone,

After all your precious opinions, my husband and me feel better and stronger, and we are getting ourselves ready to talk about our adoption plan with our families
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Thanks for all your support!

For the agency, I have decided to use Alice from Lotus, since she got quite a good reputation from this forum
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Hopefully we will get a good experience with her also.

Just curious, do you all meet the biological parents before taking the babies home? Do you get to know about their medical history, background( occupation, reason why they are giving away the baby and etc)?
 
@BingBing, All the best !!! :D Bring us the good news ok
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BTw start filling up your HSR the queue to get 1st interview is really long now.
As for your last question, usually not all will meet the biological parents but if you want to Alice can arrange that
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Good luck bingbing - I'm sure when the baby comes, your family will embrace it positively and with lots of love. I was in a similar situation myself and now my little girl is 6.5 months...my family is so in love with her!

Thanks invictus for the mother's day wish. Likewise, it's your wife's first and mine too...really special!

Andrea - she's drinking average 550ml a day, 3 to 4 feeds a day. I've also started solids 3x a day. Different website recommend different amount..so I'm a bit confused.
 
Thank you Mrs Chou for the sharing
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But, since Lotus is quite popular here, wont't it takes a much longer queue compared to other agency to adopt a baby?
secondly, If I decided to go ahead with adoption, should I go to the agency directly and see what they can help me with or?
Sorry for the qns
 
To lai ling, sorry can't recommend any agency, I'm very blessed cos I got my girl from friends' friends' friends referral, so happen someone local wants to give away, so paid in total 13k plus, inclusive lawyer fee, delivery fee, ang pow (2-3k) to lady who gave birth as a token of appreciation and for her to buy chinese tonic to drink lor, etc.

Sorry don't mean to scare, I've heard cases of HIV, so don't trust overseas blood test report, must make sure do another blood test for the baby in s'pore cos all of us know that s'pore standard is the best and can be trusted!
 
Lai Ling, You should first do go to the HSR (Home Study Report) accredited Agency and get the HSR done. As without that you cant really start the adoption process with any adoption Agency.

If you need help with filling up the form, call the HSR agency which you have decided to go with they can assist you.
http://fcd.ecitizen.gov.sg/ChildrenNParenthood/AdoptAChild/RelatedOrganisations/AccreditedAgencyForHomeStudyReport/

It is going to be a long process just completing the HSR form and the queuing time starts on the day you submit the form. So my suggestion is do start with it immediately.
 
Mrs chou is right, don't worry abt which adoption agency first, cos the HSR itself is quite a tedious process and takes months to process and approve, so must start to do that asap!

Once you've got the so called 'license' to adopt, Aiya don't worry lah, don't be surprised you can even become parents in 6 mths!
 
Percy,

You must be enjoying your motherhood now.... Children always make our life more complete....
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Do you mind to share your baby girl's photo with me? My email: [email protected]

Also, can I know how old was she when you brought her back?
 
Hi Percy - Am reading with concern as you mentioned you are starting 3 x meals for your 6.5 months BB. I feel it might be too early too much even if just rice cereal / heinz baby food etc. Have you tried to increase BB milk intake instead of introducing more solids? Reasons being BB still young and might not digest well. Also, you risk BB rejecting milk when given more solids ie either too full or taste bud change. Milk is still the best source of nutrients. However, if BB takes 3 x solids and still drinking the same amount of milk or more, I guess its ok but be sure you do not overfeed and not reducing milk intake. At this stage, BB shd still be on 3-4 feeds still. May gal is now 2.5 years old and she is still taking 3 x milk feed per day (total 660 ml) with her regular 3 meals. Sleep pattern changes are normal as they grew to take lesser nap. Either more short naps or less long naps. Also, I noticed teething period also affected my gal's sleep pattern. Hope you find my sharing useful.
 
hi SAHM, thanks very sharing. I realised that I may starting her on too many meals too early and perhaps overfeeding her the last few days...3x solids plus 500mls milk. I've been busy cooking and clearing poo! Have cut down today to breakfast consisting of fruit puree/bit of yoghurt/rice creal and dinner (veg/cod fish puree) plus about 3/4 feed of milk, 600ml in total. I have an appointment with her doc next week, will have a chat with him too.
 
My girl is 3yo, any parents out there with kids older than that and already beginning to reveal abt adoption, how was the reaction of your child, sorry if don't mind sharing? Thanks!
 
Hi Sunshine,
Mine is 6+ now. I don't really feel that the telling was the diffcult part, but the handling of the little angry times when my little girl tries to use it against me. But I am glad we told her cos we spend time helping her through it. She tends to ask more about her birthmother then her birthdad.
Both side of our parents didn't see the need to tell her but we did.
 
Sunshine and natelize,

My son will be 3 this august, I did mention the word 'adoption' and tell him that he is adopted. I guess it has not hit him yet. But he just smile and said, ' yes, I am adopted '
I guess the people around him were very upset when I ask
him about adoption, They told me that I should not tell him . I guess if you and your spouse are ok, and explain to the child nicely. Sooner or later, the truth will have to come out.
 
Thanks natelize and shasha for sharing, I'm sure a lot of us here have benefited. I believe in revealing the truth too, cos when we shower them with great love and affection, surely they'll know and feel it lor, so don't think they'll run away lah, I guess...

Ya I had passing thoughts before, someday when my girl is angry may say nasty things(guess kids are kids...), good to hear that it can really happen, at least all of us can be mentally prepared in future... Aiya this generation of kids are also not easy lah, I believe biological kids also can hurt their own parents too lah with other issues, sigh...
 
Hi Mummies

Its been some time that I logged to check the happenings
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Just started to realise the world I once knew....forgot all about it for the last 1 month after my son came home
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As usual I got a couple of doubts:

1. Does anyone have a copy of the parent's (esp Mother's) medical records? If No, have u ever regretted not having it on some occasion or have u come across the need for such records when ur child had been sick?

2. Can anyone recommend any website or book which can guide how much & when to feed & stuffs like that...

{@percy - thanks for recommending the books. I still feel there's a lot of differences in the quantity. Have a feeling that I might end up feeding him too much
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}

3. Do you take your babies for regular health checks to your Pedi every month to check with the doctor regarding the baby's milk intake or his growth issues (even if the baby is of good health) or just do a one-shot consulting when the baby is sick or when going for the regular jabs?

4. I notice my baby gets hiccups after the noon drink..Is it common for a 2+ mth old baby?

5. Can anyone recommend any pedi in the East area?

thanks for the help
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Hi Sunshine,
Disclosing is a process, so 3 is a good time to start : ) I started pretty early with my girl, 8-9 mths but it was for me to get comfortable with using the right terms: birthmom, tummy mommy, forever mummy, put up for adoption NOT give away, etc. and I also made it a point to use the same sentences and words so that she'll familiarise herself with the words too.

Normally as I disclose to her (at any opportunity I can), she doesn't ask qns or react but as she grew (she's now 5.5), I'd know she has been processing it when she gets excited when she hears someone has adopted or is adopted, or she'd ask me out of the blue where her tummy mummy (seldom tummy daddy tho) is. When we adopted our 2nd girl, #1 asked if she was from the same tummy mummy as hers! : ) from there I knew she understood the concept pretty well!

I'd advise you to take as many opportunities as you can to put into example what being adopted means for eg, when you see a pregnant woman, or attending a full month party, or even a documentary. This will give her an idea of what it means.

I've not had to deal with the emotional side of it yet but I'm ready for it....haha! I think!

If you can't answer at that moment, tell her you'll have a think and come back to her and you must after you've gotten your head around things.

Remember, it's a journey and a process which you'll take together. Every disclosure moment is also an opportunity to bond with your child.
 
Mrs Ha,

: ) glad to see you are in the swing of things with your little one.

1) we weren't successful in obtaining med records for #1 but had one for #2 - i guess, this is something we have to just trust the medical professions to sort it out if there comes a time..

2) i refer a lot to 'what to expect' http://books.google.com/books?id=hhx4r-hk2gsC&printsec=frontcover. try also http://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/landing-page.aspx

3) When they are v young, ped visits are almost monthly so it's ok. In the health book, there is a chart for you to check yr baby's growth against. if you feel it falls short then bring it up to the ped at next visit. Don't worry, as long as baby drinks, sleeps, pees and poo, he should be ok.

4) hiccups are v normal - he probably was hiccuping in his mom's tummy too
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so cute. Old ppl will say babies grow when they hiccup.
 
Hey Andrea, thanks for your insight, you sound so pro (professional) with the revealing thing, haha, great to learn fr you, tummy mummy and mummy forever sounds cool, haha!

My concern is will the kids go school and tell their friends? Just afraid that kids are kids, and some naughty ones may tease them that they're unwanted, etc...??

I thought in the future after revealing to my girl, I'll also mention that every family has 'secrets' and certain matters are confidential and we don't need to share with outsiders...
 
Hi Andrea, ur postings r always so informative. I m learning things every now n then by u and ladies over at this site while preparing myself tat me n hubby will adopt one day. Thks alot!
 
Hi Sunshine & Lyn, hey ladies, thank you very much for your affirmation : ) when your kids are older, like mine, you, too, will be advising others the same way. It's just that I'm a little more ahead in my journey having started earlier
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Sunshine, when your child goes to school, she wd already have known that she was adopted. Leave it to her to decide if she wants to share it with her friends. In her own time. However, I'm planning to tell my daughter's form teacher when she goes to P1 next yr, in case they start talking about families. Adoptive families are a type of family right next to divorced, step families, etc.

My elder girl has her moods about sharing about her adoption. She never talks about it with her classmates and says it's a secret - funnily, she said it's because they only have 1 mummy and 1 daddy and when they find out she has 2 each, "How would they feel, mommy!" So funny, right?

Lyn, when you start contemplating adoption, you go on a process of transition and it doesn't happen overnight. : ) take your time to talk through your fears and your anxieties. Work it out and I hope you'll come to a position whereby you will both just look forward to meeting your baby without any more reservations. I met 3 couples like this last nite and their love for their yet-to-be identified children was very obvious and inspiring.
 
Mummies, one more tips to add the ones Vickysmommy has given, check out this book "We just want you to know" http://sg.******************/articles/we_just_want_you_to_know_andrea_yee/
It is a simple but great book to help start you and your child on the journey of disclosure
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As vickysmommy mentioned I started using the word adoption/adopted when my girl is 6 mths when I talk to her and pray for her and her birth mum. Very much to get myself comfortable with the words first.

For those of you who are TAFNET member I think they do sell this book too. Check it out
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