Child Adoption

Janella,
Thanks! Welcome to this thread. I think most of us here were from the IVF thread.
U never try u never know the result. At least tell yrself that u tried without regret. In fact, after this adoption i will still go thru my last round of IVF. If this still don work out we going for a 2nd adoption.
As for the workshop, u need and is compulsory to attend is the Disclourse talk. Like what AH says, is very interesting.
 


dream,
I currently a SAHM. I enjoy taking care of my little princess that i not willing to work even there is job offer for me. I'm giving myself 1yr as a SAHM to see my little one grow up.
happy.gif
 
Hi everyone

Thanks for the warm welcome.

AH
I dread the interview. I know I'll cry when the officers start to probe about my miscarriages.I dread also telling my child that he or she is adopted. Sometimes, I have sleepless nights thinking about this.

BlessBW

Yeah, I agree with what you said.I have had 11 fertility treatments and my three pregnancies had to be aborted as there were no heart beats. I told myself, that enough is enough, it's time to move on.

All the best in your next ivf treatment.

By the way, did you acquire your baby even before the legal work and HSR was completed? Lotus works very fast, I think.

Dream
Are you in the process of doing your HSR? I am doing mine with Touch. What about you? I find HSR so daunting. All the personal questions they ask! Sigh!

I have not heart about King Adoption. I am going through Lotus because it was recommended by my uncle who happens to be a gynae. He recommends this agency to hishis patients who can't conceive. Alice the owner of this agency is very efficient and fast, I've heard.
 
BlesswBB and Shasha,
Seems like both of you are enjoying every minute of it. For my side, I will really depend on my helper to take care of bb. Last time, for my daughter, I put her in infant care because I did not trust any other person to take care. But my helper has been with me for 2.5 years. I hope it will be ok. I am also very worried on this.

otherwise, I have just called Lotus and things are moving really fast....
 
Janella,
Sorry our email crossed. For my case, I don't need to fo HSR as my hubby is Malaysian and we will do the adoption in Malaysia instead. Only if we want to adopt from other countries, then we need to do HSR. I had a look at it and I can understand how you feel. It seems like another challenge to go through all these paperworks.

Your concerns are real and I think the workshop would really help to address some of these issues.

I hope we can all keep in touch and create our own support group. I think our kids would really need to know other adopted kids so that they don't feel too alienated. Somehow, I feel that Singapore is not that mature when it comes to adoption.

It is good to hear positive feedback on Lotus. I think I will go with her as well as she is able to do Malaysian adoption as well. She seems very knowledgeable and frank.
 
BlesswBB, thk u! U asked y bb not with me yet? I thot the process is view bb, if can connect then proceed with medical chkup then if all clear then bring bb home? Not like that ah? That's why bb not with us yet cos results came out 2day only. We get 2 bring bb home tom! I've spent ytd & 2day buying pretty bb clothes! I think hv son cheaper leh ~ spend less on clothes!
 
Dream, I'll b PTWM (part time workg mum). I work in our family biz so I'm thkful that my work hours a bit flexible. I intend 2 take nxt 4 weeks off then go back 2 work 2-3 days per wk aft that.

Welcome Janella! I'm sorry 2 hear abt yr recent miscarriage. I've also bn thru several IVF trtments but only 1 miscarriage. My journey with my adopted daughter only starts tomorrow but i hv already felt peace, excitement, nervousness & joy that I've nvr felt b4!
 
Yuli,
CONGRATS!!! Really happy that everything goes so smoothly for you and that tomorrow would be the DAY for you! I think your "steps" are the steps described by Lotus as well to me. I think Blessswbb "shortcut" some of those! Blesswbb,please share with us what you did differently...

I think I will be like you. Send for medicals and wait. So, you managed to clear all those tests performed by Mt. Alvernia in 3 days? That's pretty quick but I am sure for you the 3 days may have felt like an eternity...

It is a good idea to take 4 weeks off and to work part time. i wish I could have this flexibility.

Dear sisters,
Otherwise, I really feel heartache. I thought I managed to find my princess but somehow, she was not fated for me. She was supposed to come down this morning from Malaysia...Really feel sad and empty. I feel such a loss although I only see her picture. It is also really hard to go through this. Lots of excitement and disappointments in the process as well.

As my family said, she was not fated to be with us but it is really hard after you have felt that "bond". Did you experience any of this?

I actually had planned a one-week trip to Phuket over the long holidays before all this and I cancelled my hotel reservations thinking that the bb would be with us. Air ticket can't be refunded. Now, I am wondering whether I should just go ahead but then, I want to save my leave and I am also afraid that I may miss an "opportunity"...but may be, let fate takes its course...I am so confused...

Otherwise, may I know whether you let nature chose for you whether it will be a bb girl or bb boy or you had already decided the gender? We are still wondering...
 
Dream

I'm so sorry! It must be so heartbreaking. Which agency did you go through? And why did this happen? I hope we never have to experience this.Talk things through with your husband first as well as with the agency if any, before deciding your next course of action.Everything will be all right, don't worry!


My husband and I actually prefer a boy but we are quite open about gender. As long, as we feel a connection with the baby, we told ourselves, boy or girl does not matter.

Can I clarify something with you? My husband is also a Malaysian but a Singapore PR.I am a Singaporean. We are also intending to acquire our baby from Malaysia through Lotus. Does that mean we don't have to do the HSR?

Yuli

So excited for for you! I can imagine your joy when the baby arrives.Let us all know!

Ladies,

I have a question. I was looking at the HSR forms from Touch and there was something about post placement reports which got me confused.

I was under the impression that only after the HSR report is completed and interviews and home visits have been made and a copy of the final report given to us, then only can we proceed to look for a baby.

I was told by Lotus that it takes 2 months for the HSR to be completed. Alice said to inform her the moment we have submitted the forms.

Actually, we are going to move house soon. We will be moving in December and right now we are quite busy with the preparations and other stuff.

I thought that by the time we move in December, the HSR would have been completed and then only will we contact Lotus.

Did you all wait for the HSR to be completed before you proceeded with your search?

I am really confused.
 
BlesswBB, I am submitting my HSR tonight. Not sure how long is the queue for the interview…

Dream, I agree wit u tat I will follow Yuli's process too, i.e. wait 4 BB medical rpt b4 bring the BB home. And wat happened 2 ur BB? The birth mum chg her mind is it? You are lucky tat u dun nid 2 do HSR. In the HSR, we nid 2 indicate if we 1 2 adopt a girl or boy. So I suppose the gender of the BB being adopted has to gel with watz indicated in the HSR.

Dear sisters, seemed like everyone is going to Alice, wonder where she gets so many BBs? I will submit my HSR tonight so have not gone to any agencies, is anyone using any other agencies? I think Dream said Moca was inquiring about King adoption agency. Has anyone engaged their service b4?
 
Janella,
Thanks for your comforting words. I am trying to move on but I can't stop thinking about her. It is really hard. I have to convince myself that it was not meant to be and another child is fated for me and my family. I guess all of you must be ready mentally that it may not be smooth sailing..although in most cases, it is.

Both my hubby and I are PR's (not Singaporeans) so I am not really sure about your case. I am not sure on the requirement for Singaporeans. If you go through Singapore adoption, the Birth Certificate would be issued in Singapore while for Malaysian adoption, the certificate is issued in Malaysia. But I know that if you adopt locally, there is no requirement for HSR but may be that is the post-placement report (that you read in the HSR). Otherwise, is your intention to have the child Singaporean or Malaysian? You may want to call a few agencies and enquire about this.

Wish2bmum,
That's exciting news! one step closer to your goal! I think the preparation of the HSR is really to test your desire for a child!
 
Hello all,

It seems to be that the HSR the common concern for all adopting parents. Let's be share my break down:

1st week of having the baby, met with lawyer with documents and file for adoption order and start preparing the following:
Medical: Blood test and urine test, result come in about one week. Medical history from doctor ( if any )
Money Information: 3 days ( all the statements from banks, insurances, hosing loan, salary statement and tax return
Criminal background: I think for singapore it took 3 weeks ( ours took 6 weeks from FBI )
letter of references from 3 individuals

Then we submits, MCYS then set for date within 3 weeks of getting all our information to meet at MCYS, Then the home visit.Unlucky for us, I had 2nd interview over the phone. Then we wait for two more weeks finally MCYS had given their commendation for us as the adopted parent. Wait for court date from judge to grant the adoption order. Then the lawyer called for us to meet at ICA for the new birth cert. ( note dec and Jan ..lots of public holiday man )
My boy was born in August last year, new birth cert was completed in April, this year.
I had known of cases, where HSR was approval, then they had the baby, they had their new birth cert within 2 mths.
So my dear sisters, don't worry too much, just follow with flow. For those who completed their HSR before bring their baby home, you will better off as you know that your are already approval for the adoption. As for me, I was all worried what will happen to my son if they felt that I was not a good fit for the child. mmmm... so think positive..
Hope to hear more good news.. Take care all
 
Janella,
I work at the sametime. That means as i'm waiting for the interviews i call up lotus to let her know of my latest status. After going thru my home visit i immediately call Alice up. She then arrange a day to meet us up to show us all documentation require to go thru once baby is adopted. This is to ensure us she's legal. Thereafter, within the next 2weeks, we receive call from her telling us the coming babies we'll be meeting.
 
yuli,
Alice is very lax at this point which i like abt her. She likes us to build the bond during the waiting time. I took my little one home on the day of her medical checkup and keep her for 1 nite. As the next day i leaving for my trip Alice is willing to help me take care of her for a few days.
So your little princess pass the medical test? Welcome to motherhood!!! Be prepared for the coming sleepless nite...hahaha
 
dream,
U experiencing the same case as me. The week my little girl coming it clashes with my trip to KL. I did not postpone my trip instead i told Alice my concern and she willing helping me take care of her until i'm back from my trip.
If your trip really clashes with the arrival of your baby just let Alice know. Not to worry ya.
And pls don get disappointed with the delay of your baby...your family is right...is fated. For my case, i missed 2 babies and the 3rd one is this little girl i have that i attracted so much. Relax...don worry.
 
wish2bmum,
way to go men!!! Don worry too much ok...just relax during your interviews. I heard from my friend who is also preparing to submit the HSR forms, she told me got to wait for 6mths. I'm not sure is it true anot.
 
Dream, don't give up. Try to be happy for the baby since her mum wants to keep her. It is better this way then for it to happen later when the biological mother wants her back. Don't give up, pray and wait for your baby. She will be arriving very soon. God bless.
 
iwantitvmuch,
the little girl went to another adoptive family (not her biological mum).

Dear sisters,
thanks for all your kind words. It is really a stressful time now...
 
dream, how come the girl went to another adoptive family?
don't be stress, your baby is arriving soon. You mustn't give up. I'm sure Alice will help you.

How do I obtain the certificate of no criminal record? I want to complete the HSR myself before approaching the agency because I will be very anxious if baby arrives before the approval of the hSR.
 
dream,
I suppose to view 2 baby before my little girl. 1 was rejected by Alice due to a birthmark on the forehead. The 2nd was always delay as her mum keep giving excuse from coming. Alice was very pissed off lucky another girl came along (which is my little girl) God send her to me and i very happy.
 
Yuli,
How old is yr little girl? Hope u can share a pics of her.
How is the 1st day of being a mother? Feel funny being called a mummy? I feel funny when people around start calling me mummy...hehehe Just got use to it with the word mummy :p
 
Dream,

As you can see, being a parent of the adoptive child , we will sometime go thru' uncertainty. Some time the birth mother want to see the people to want to adopt her child, we have to be open and ready for that.
Just be strong and hope good news will arrive soon!
 
iwantitvmuch,
It is still a mystery to me and although I know she was not fated to me, it is hearbreaking. So, you are right. Do NOT contact an agency before you are ready.
 
BlesswBB, Shasha,
Thanks. Agree there are ups and downs and we need to be prepared mentally to go through all this. I'll keep you updated and hope I have good news to share with you soon...otherwise, I will just pack and go to my holidays to destress!
 
BlesswBB and Yuli,
Wondering whether you could share with us what you have done before bb arrival. As I am superstitious, I have not bought anything yet for the bb. Just trying to clean up my place and make some space for the bb cot. I also cleaned up my daugher's clothes (7 years ago!) as I kept some of them. Never really felt like giving them away since I always wanted a second child and hoped everymonth that a miracle would happen! Also, brought down the baby toys.

Otherwise, what needs to be done when it is confirmed bb is coming...bb cot, milk bottle, milk powder (which brand are you using?), diapers, bathtub, stroller, bed sheet? Any other thing? I used to buy special soap for cleaning bottles and clothes...thanks to share your experience with us...

and what you wished you would have done before bb is home!...

thanks...wondering what I need to clean up/do this week end...
 
sorry Shasha, forgot that you should be included too! but not sure whether you remembered what you did a year ago!
 
dream,
I'm not a superstitious person so i don know whether u asking the right person. Anyway, when i know i'm going to look for a new born i start looking for baby clothings as a start. Gradually, as i shop, i shop for milk bottle and some toys for 0mths. Finaly, when we confirm that the baby will be with us in 2 days, we go into more like baby cot (she sleep with me for the 1st 2 weeks on our bed)
Don worry abt the milk powder as Alice will tell u which brand to start of. I start of with Friso but my baby can't take it. She has lots of baby rash and pass motion a few times. So i change it to Similac. Don worry too much any unsure things u can call Alice, she will advise u.
The basic things are already listed in yr list. U need cream to prevent diaper rash. Medical oil for stomach pain. Don forget baby powder.
 
blesswbb,
thanks for the advice. As for baby powder, I read that this should not use for bb as the powder may cause asthma. So better buy starch , I think corn starch, instead.

Blesswbb, yuli and shasha
As for baby checkup, how old was your baby? Read that it is difficult to perform scans or other tests when baby is a few days old. Is it true?
 
dream,
will starch cause rashes? I have been using it but my baby looks fine. I understand that bay will hv asthma when the mummy takes too much cooling stuff during pregnancy.
I like baby with baby smell so hv been using baby powder...she tend to sneeze after every powder but after that she looks fine.
Oh ya...don forget baby soap...just buy mild soap...pour a few drops in the bathtub will do.

I wonder where the rest gone...they have not respond here. Think Yuli must be busy with her new baby...hehehe
 
hi ladies,
Feel very heartache today...just cut a small piece of my baby skin out when cutting her nails. She was sleeping when i was cutting one hand but when i change the other hand she woke up and start moving...sob sob...lucky she a good girl...cry awhile only :p
 
dream,
forgot to ans yr qn. my baby was 9days old when doing the checkup. Don't expect much fm the checkup...that is y we din go for more detail check...instead i ask Alice abt baby's background. Whether parents are healthy...siblings no medical prob...the rest is depend on her growing up.
 
BlesswBB,

Ouch,, I bet you felt hurt. I know cos I did that to my son as well. What I do now is to used baby nail clipper (you can get around ) but I wait till the nail to be very long b4 i cut. He wore mitten till 3ths old becos of that!

Dream,

I did not have my baby doing any check-up other then the usual. But I was given all the medical report n scan when he was 32 weeks before birth. I given that to my family doctor ( Btw, he was the one who did the medical report for us ). He said it looked ok..so, i guess it is ok..
 
HI BlesswBB and Shasha
Thanks for your advice. Really confused on what should be done for medical report. Seems like Yuli's one was quite comprehensive but no news from her! I hear from the agent that when bb is so small, it is not really good to go for more detailed check up. So, if I understand, you did not go for further tests on brain, hearing, kidney, liver, heart in Mt. Alvernia as Yuli mentioned.

Otherwise, what was the weight of your baby at birth? or when she was home? I can't recall how I took care of my little girl. It seems so far away. I hope I can remember! I am scared for her neck...

Today, spent time on bb shopping,.. we are almost ready....still need to buy baby bottle...otherwise, very confused when trying to buy bb milk..too much brands...so I will just wait for Dr or Alice advice... I did not buy the big items yet like bed and stroller...

Blesswbb, don't feel bad. If she did not cry for long, she must be ok.
 
Blesswbb,
Starch should not cause rashes. I think it is very absorbent...so, try not to use too much baby powder..not good for her lung...
 
dream,
My baby was 3.7kg at birth. Is consider healthy weight. When i bring her home...she was 3.9kg (10days old). And now...she's gaining weight which i don hv the chance to weigh her yet. Her weight has caused my backaching
happy.gif

Don worry too much...my baby got strong neck...at 3weeks old she can lift up her head...hehe
It has been our family tradition to use baby powder...really bad for lungs? Most of my friends also using baby powder but none tell me abt this problem. Will find out more and consider. Thanks.

AH and dream,
saw blood so think must be very painful. Sometimes i feel that she can understand me. I feel so sorry that i keep kissing her finger and face that she stop crying.
 
dream,
Found that Johnson & Johnson has cornstarch powder for baby.

JOHNSON'S® Baby Powder Pure Cornstarch with Aloe Vera & Vitamin E
Absorbs excess wetness and helps keep skin feeling dry and comfortable. Clinically proven gentle and mild. Allergy and dermatologist-tested.
Johnson's Baby
 
BlesswBB,

wow, 3.7Kg is big. Mine was only 2.98kg but he is long 43cm. Enjoy every moment of that!
As for rashes, I just used Johnson baby lotion. It works wonder. I did not used a lots of baby powder. But I every night , I will used the indonesian baby oil on his tummy, just a gentle circle massage. ( luck boy, i wish I had some one massage me every night! )
 
Hi Blesswbb and AH,
Thanks for the advice. I guess need to hunt around for that Johnson's baby power pure cornstarch and baby lotion. Blesswbb, did you manage to find out where they sell it? I don't think I have seen it...

Did some more shopping today! Bought the baby bottle and playpen...was in Orchard Road and spent a lot of time comparing prices...so, started with Taka, then moved to Robinson, John Litlle, Mothercare and finally, went back to Taka! still need to buy car seat and troller. Any good advice? There is so much choice, really don't know which one to buy...any place to recommend for bb stuff? I was quite disappointed with the choice of cots/playpens in the shopping centres.

When did you start to bring bb out? wondering when should buy bb seat and stroller...

BlesswBB,
your bb very healthy. She must have been born at full term. 3.7 kg is quite a good weight for an asian bb! When is your next visit to the paediatrician? Must go for jab?

AH,
How tall is your bb boy now? Is he learning how to walk? now, must be careful of all the sharp corner...

The indonesian bb oil, is it the same one than the malaysian one? red in colour?
 
dream,
when u told me not to use baby powder i went website to check the details and found Johnson and Johnson website that intro this product.
Din see it in the market here too.
i have this website that sell cheap bb stuff. U may find it cheaper than those shopping centre. They basically sell everything u need for yr baby
http://www.bbshop.com.sg/Prod_Info/Pg-BabyBedding.htm
Ya...she is a healthy baby...but she has colic. Gave her Grapewater every twice a day. She better now. Her next visit will be next week when she needs to take her 2nd jab. Hope she's brave and don cry that much as in the last time when she had her bloodtest...poor girl cried till no voice..
 
Blesswbb,
thanks for the website! Very useful. I am still looking for a bb bathtub which has a support for newborn. Have you bought yours? Can I check how much you bought it? or any place to recommend? In Taka, the one with good support for newborn was selling for 69! so, looking for a cheaper one.

Otherwise, if she has colic, have you tried AVENT bottle? That's what I used for my elder daughter as it is supposed to reduce colic. She also started pacifier early as it soothed her.

Must have been so painful to take her blood. Where did they poke her for BT? was it on the feet? Hope her 2nd jab will be better. Have you changed pd or you are going back to the one in Serangoon?
 
dream,
I'm using the normal bathtub bgt from market. What kind of good support are u looking for? If u talking abt non-slip mayb can try Ikea..they sell non-slip bathtub only at $12plus.
I'm using the AVENT...she's getting better already...my friend recommend using glass bottle..she said is more effective.
4 needles on the hands and arms...so poor thing right?
Oh ya...i found another brand of baby powder using cornstarch...the brand is called "Anaku". I understand "Kiddy Palace" is selling this brand.
So how is the baby viewing? When is Alice arranging another baby for u?
 
Hi ladies

I was feeling very upset the past few days. A few people are sort of advising me against adoption. They said that I should wait to conceive naturally.

I mean, I'm not young anymore and they know that each time I had conceived, I had to terminate the pregnancy because of an absent heart beat. But they still insist that a miracle will happen and that I should wait. Well, time is not on my side.

These two people who are advising me against adoption happen to be a pastor and a church minister. Can you believe it? I mean, what's wrong with adopting? If God wants to grant me a miracle, I consider the baby that I am going to adopt as a miracle! I will consider him/her as my own child conceived from my womb. Why can't these two people see that?

I am so so afraid of becoming pregnant, in fact. It's no joy going for an abortion ,I feel like telling them that! I would have gone into depression if not for this chance of adoption.

Sorry for venting my frustrations here.

BlesswBB

I love reading your posts and what you are doing with your baby. It gets me all excited. I can't wait for my turn.

Dream

I can sense your excitement as well. I'm so glad!You are already shopping for baby stuff! Hooray!

As for me, I have yet to fill up the HSR forms. Must do it soon!
 
iwanitvmuch and Blesswbb,
hopefully, will get good news to share with you soon!

Blesswbb,
thanks for advice. will go to Ikea then. Did you start bathing your little girl right away? or had to wait for the umbilincal cord to dry up?

Anaku is a malaysian brand so should be quite affordable. Otherwise, I remembered I just used corn starch (from the supermarket) and apply directly on the diaper. but of course, no nice smell! but should be much cheaper...

Otherwise, are you using disposable diapers? Which one is the cheapest one? Is fitti the cheapest one? just bought one packet of pampers as they were on sale at Giant last week end but I read that need to change 8-9 diapers a day! so, the packet can only last a few days...seems like I forgot a lot of things since my dd is almost 8 years old...I am trying to read info on bb development on the internet to refresh myself!

Did you get a nanny to help you out? or you do it on your own?
 
Janella,
I think few people will really understand what we are going through and our desire to be parents. So, going through adoption is not an easy process and you may not get the support that you wished for all the time.

On my side, my family is really open about it but on my hubby side, it is another story. So, just be strong. Live your life as you wish and don't care so much about what others think or say.

So, continue to be strong and yes, keep posting here so that we can support you. We are here for you!
 

Janella, as I'm telling more people about my adoption plans. I find myself explaining and assuring people that I will treat the adopted baby as my own too. I explain so much until I'm doubting myself.
I'm exactly in the same situation as you and I'm also a Christian. A christian friend also said that I'm still young. but that's beside the point, I have tried for 6.5 years! And I'm becoming more and more depressed and sometimes bitter after each IVF failure. I also have withdrawn from the circles of friends.
Is that what I want until I can concieve?? NO! I will not let infertility win. I have time and love to bless a child and I can definitly adopt. There's nothing bad about BLESSING a child.

And ever since I made the decision on adoption, I have been so happy! If I do concieve, I will love my adopted child even more because due to the adoption, I have gone back to my happy self! Don't get me wrong, I don't adopt so that I can concieve and I will never let people tell me that. What I'm saying is that others might think that if i have my biological child, i will not love the adopted child anymore. That's rubbish.

You know, even for biological children, I know that some parents have favourtism too. So, no one can say that there are perfect parents.

Just pray about it and talk to people who are supportive. When they see that you are so happy, they will understand why. This is the road for adoption, we must be strong. Like Dream said, few people understand what we are going through and our desire to be parents.
For me, I will not let anyone deter me or else, I will not have the stamina to stay strong for the rest of the journey. i'm sure you are suitable to be a loving parents.
 
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