Child Adoption

Hi Angel,

I'm an adoptive mother too and have been a silent reader of this thread.

Your condition for the child is that she must be given up 'due to poor financial crisis'. Well this one fits the bill right? How would the father's death adversely affect the unborn baby? There is no scientific evidence on such effects?

As for my experience, my child's parents sought to give her up through the Yellow Pages - what does that tell you of her parents? Desperate? Cruel? Heartless? How has she been 'treated' while still in her mother's womb? Yes, her parents were in extreme financial difficulties too.

But she was a happy baby from day one, very friendly and is now growing very well, very active and talkative. No adverse effects at all.

Maybe you should calm down and ask yourselves what/how/why is it that the father's violent death is affecting you so much. List down the reasons, go thru' them and see if they are really rational. It's good to do a list, otherwise, with too many thoughts swimming in your head(s), it'll be difficult to think clearly.

If you really do not want to adopt this one, perhaps someone else here may want to be 'connected' to adopt her instead?

Will pray for you folks that you'll find an answer soon.

Peace with you always.
 


hi angel
i think it must be hard on you.. all your past experience must have some effect on you. I am a mummy of 1 very desperate to have another one and i thought of adoption too but a lot of what if in my mind.. if the pregnant mum takes drug or has history of mental illness etc etc.

but for your case it could be another scenario that maybe the husband was a wife abuser and always beat the wife n after he died the wife is relived from the suffering?

I came from a broken family and my parents was always arguing and fighting and only divorced when i was in my 30s. We been thru days without water and electricity and my mom always cursing that my dad will died when i was young.

recently my husband's friend ( very well off stayed in a big house and has 3 maids) adopted a baby from a local unwed mum of age 16..i was like how i wish i was adopted by a good family( no need to be rich but a family where there is lots of love) when i am young instead of staying in a chaotic one.. though me and siblings went to uni but we were very unhappy grown up with lots of emotional baggage.

Been a Christian i know i can pray and that what i did when i was pregnant with my 1st child, i cut off all ungodly soul tie with mine and spouse past generation. Throughout the 9th mths i prayed for my child's health right to finding a spouse for him ( kia su right)

So i am thinking that you can pray for the child u are intending to adopt (just like she is in your womb) and if you sense the peace why not receive her cos her parents might have their past but she is a clean sheet of paper which you and your spouse guide and lead her and she might turn out to be someone beautiful despite her past.

i know it is not easy for you and your spouse cos i know i am still not mentally prepared to adopt a child.

i saw in other thread (WTB) your excitement to have a baby and to prepare for her arrival and never doubt your sincerity about the baby.

just curious if u have not known abt the past and just seen the baby at the hospital..will it be love at first sight?

do take care!
 
Hi Angel,

I'm sure all members here have no intention to be harsh on you. Adoption is a personal decision and if you really feel it is not right, don't proceed. It is just that most of us here do not understand why how the father died could be a reason to deter you from adopting the child.

I do not know the background of the baby I adopted. Before the adoption, my hubby and myself did a checklist on info we need e.g. why the baby was given up for adoption, family medical history, number of siblings etc. However, after we see the baby, all these questions are no longer important. We did tried to find out but there was no answer so far. Anyway, whatever reason given by the natural parents may not be true. Our main concern now is to shower the baby with all the love and care she missed from her natural parents.

I do agree that sometimes ignorance is bliss. Hope you will not feel disheartened and stop posting here. Take care!
 
Hi everyone,

Have you heard of Lifebooks or have already done one for your child? I bought this book called 'Lifebooks - creating a treasure for the adopted child' a couple of years ago and have only pulled it out to read now. And it is good! I planned to do a Lifebook for my son years ago but had been procrastinating. Now reading this gives me all the info I need to get it started. If you don't have this book, go to the author's (Beth O'Malley) site at http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/.

Then maybe we can share pointers. I really believe that a Lifebook for our children (even for biological ones) is good for them and us.

What do you think?
 
Hi Cat,
I have that book it is great. I did do a simple one for my daughter but I would love to do a real good one as she is now grown and I would like her be apart of doing somethings in it.
 
Angel,

I understand how you feel. It must have been a hard decision for you and your hubby as well...
don't think too much.Maybe you can think it this way.
Maybe God is not closing the door... maybe God is trying to test if you can give Uncondition Love to everyone including the baby just like how He love everyone regardless of who we are and what we are?

i hope you don't get us wrong. i believe we mummies over here care for you that's why we share our views. Regardless of what decision you make, we will still try to help you when time is bad.
Since we cant choose the nature of our child if we are pregnant, why not adopt the child and nuture the child the way you want the child to be regardless of the background of the child?

Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Hebrews 5:13
Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness.

** I am not a Christian, so i am not trying to preach to you. I just read the bible for knowledge. Pls don't get me wrong. My only intention is my care, concern and love for you and your family.

I always believe you can be a great mum. So what ever your decision maybe, JIA YOU.
 
Hi all,
Just received a letter fm MCYS, stating that we can nw open a "Matching" account for my younger DD!!

Younger DD is getting cuter each day. She is very well-loved by our family! Time flies. She is already 9mths old nw! To think back, we saw her the 1st time, when she was 2wks old!!! Brought her home, 1 day after she was exactly 1mth old!! Attended my elder bro's wedding on the following day!!! And she slept through the wedding ceremony n dinner! hahaha...

She is nw on semi-solid food. I am enjoying myself when planning, preparing her 'menu'! hahaha... She loves mashed potatoes, mashed carrot, mashed japanese pumpkin(infor: Jap pumpkin's skin can be eaten, after steaming, skin will be very soft),etc.. For fruits, she loves mashed banana, mashed apple n HEINZ Plum Delights(for her to poo easily!) hehehe...

Elder DD is so curious of little sister's food. She wanted to taste a spoonful every time! I really enjoy myself for feeding her too! I seldom hv the chance to do it when my elder DD was a baby!
 
Dear VQ,
You brought her home within 2 weeks. That's super fast. It's a joy to see your child grow day by day. Adoption allows us to enjoy parenthood. As adoptive parents, we share your joy.
 
Hi VQ,

I know what you mean - it's so enjoyable when they are babies. Enjoy her babyhood while you can 'cos time really flies! My son is 3.5 years old now and I really miss the times when he was a baby. Every time I look at his baby pictures, I will sigh - it all seemed like not too long ago - but now he is already talking back and knows how to 'negotiate' deals! But still cute lah - just that I miss carrying a cuddly, chubby and cute baby and have people playing with him whenever we are out. Sigh! (again)...
 
Guess what? my younger DD started baby talking!!! I realise the LuLi Channel on MIO TV is good. It do catches my girl attention. But some programs r too early for her.(5am ~ 7am). So i watch it n teach her myself. Eg. Open n Close of palms. When we say: Open Close. She will reach out both her hands n her palm will go Open n Close.

Few days ago, realise she had learnt "Bye-Bye!" She started waving at whosoever seems like leaving her... Brought her for briskwalking in the morning, when i pass by a crowded bus-stop. Ppl look at her, then she started waving at them n seems like saying "Bye Bye!" fm her stroller. I think this must hv brighten those ppl days, to c such a little baby waving Bye bye to them!! hahhaa....

She seems to enjoy my briskwalking session and the cool morning FRESH air breeze!

Oh! She started smiling too! When she smile, u will c winkles on her nose, her mouth open wide but u cannot c her eyes cos they turn into a line!! hahha....
 
Okay, I am about to blow..... I received an email from a girlfriend of mine who is looking into adoption and was visiting this site. She notified me because "Fox Family" is being bashed and she knew that untruths were being told. My name is Tracey. My husband and I have adopted three (3), yes three children through Fox Family. And I believe the little girl we recieved must be the one Chris (Crany) decided not to adopt. If Chris would have taken a fraction of the time to investigate the country where the child was coming from that he has invested in bad mouthing a company, he wouldn't sound like such an idiot. The Philipines is an extremely poor county, especially in the mountains which is where the babies were coming from. I have had to have patience, as everyone does when adoption is occuring. But I can personally say, the Philipines do not work like most countries. They process at their own pace and no one can demand more of them. I have personally met and worked with the social worker invovled with this agency in the Philipines and yes, they do tend to drop the ball at times....but you MUST realize the number of children they are rescueing every day and trying to feed and there are way too few social workers. I can only say, yes God works in his own way, and Agatha was not meant for you. She is an absolutely beautiful child and I am blessed to have her. I was outraged when she showed back up on the site to find out her prespective AP backed out. I immediately told Irene we wanted her. While I am very happy for you and your wife to have found what you wanted, you shouldn't judge others until you actually walk in their shoes. My husband and I investigate their backgrounds and take time to know about the area and visit on numerous occassions.

As for support groups.........yes there are support groups that meet once a month. SACAC which is located in the American Embasy. You do not need to be an American to attend their meetings. Just call them and give them your email address and you will receive emails as to when they have meetings. They are very good and informative with actual people speaking that have been through the complete process.

So for what it is worth, you will always incounter people who have a negative experience and believe that everyone should feel the same way. Please check out for yourself on all agencies before making decisions. I stand behind Fox Family 200% percent!!!!
 
Chris badmouth Irene of Fox Family and this damage her reputation and cast a negative impression in the minds of the readers.

I know Irene personally and it is only right to show you another side of the story. I was with her with she visits her clients. I visit the children home that she set up, I saw the caregivers and the children in the home. I followed her as she travelled hours deep into the remote villages to meet the biological parents. There are many good works she had done quietly behind the scene.

Irene is one who walks the talk. She is an adopted child herself. She also adopts 2 children into her home. So she knows intimately the feeling of her clients cos she had walk their path before. How many adoption agencies owners walk the talk by adopting children?

While other adoption agencies merely act as middleman between biological parents and adoptive parents, she goes beyond. She started a home in Philippines and take in abandoned children, with caregivers to look after them 7 days a week 24 hours a day. There is no funding nor sponsorship. Every cent comes from her pocket. She does not take a salary. She takes all the risk for the health of the children in her home. I know what's it is like cos I flew there to visit the home. I spent a week in the children home.

She is particular about her clients. If she feels the clients are not able to provide the children a loving secured environment, she will not let them adopt 'her' children. If you want to adopt through her, she will visit your house for a chat.

Irene is honest, transparent and upfront about the adoption process. Whether it is good news or bad news, she will tell you straight honestly. Some other agencies will tell you only the good stuff and hide the bad stuff. You can see the photos on her websites. Other don't.

There are hiccups in other countries that are beyond our control. Their systems are not as efficient as Singapore. Authorities there change schedule and their minds at will.

So please, don't jump to conclusion based on hearsay.

Like Tracey, I stand behind Fox Family 100%.
 
To Tracey and Chelah,

Everyone is entitled to their opinions and so are we. We had a horrible emotional experience and as responsible people, we need to share with the world our experiences.

I suggest that either of you stop pepetrating as compassionate individuals emailing me asking for details with Fox only to come online and slam me and the whole situation. I have no respect for such people as you just demeaned and showed no respect for the emotional rollarcoaster we went through.

To Chelah, please note that if you wished to continue with your slander of my character by saying I "badmouth" the agency, I suggest you better start to seek legal advice.

One bad horrible experience is bad enough to deter the use of that agency. Enough said! To those who feel enlighten by the postings of Chelah Ann and Tracey, go ahead with your choice of the agency. If you too encounter the same bullshit we got, its your own problem!
 
To Tracy/ Chelah,

I dont know you and neither do I wish to. You have no right to throw, demean, devalue what my wife and I went through with that agency. You may be friends with her but obviously you must be really blind to see the truth. But whatever it is I dont care and if you really want to reopen and talk about it in the open, remember that matter was settled legally and if she is pushing you online to help increase her business, the matter can be legally reopened. Let the truth be told and it will certainly hurt your friend’s business even more.

Chelah, please stop emailing me to enquire about the details with the agency only to come online and slander me. That’s cheap and shows a severe lack of honest character! You both have no right to call me an idiot or said I badmouth her agency cos what we experience was real and not made up! I do not even know you idiots too and coming online to slander and scold me is something else. I strongly advice you both to seek legal advice on this matter before it becomes very very ugly.

If the two of you are coming online to drum up business for the agency, go ahead and good luck. To all those who now feel enlighten with the postings of Tracey and Chelah, go ahead with your plans with the agency. I don’t care but DO NOT EVER think we rejected Agatha! That agency made it completely impossible to continue with the arrangement. So Tracey and Chelah, do not awake a sleeping lion, cos you will not know how and when its going to come back and bite!

We are all like you both, adoptive parents, some had good experiences, some bad and some very ugly. So we need to share and learnt from one another. You two obviously had alternative plans for this thread cos the Fox discussion topic has died down only now to be alive all over again. Whatever your plans are, please do not destroy the postings on this thread and do not make people not come online to share. This is not your personal thread to discuss about your friend, there are other topics more enjoyable to discuss about adoption than that agency or your friend and certaintly not about your two!
 
Hey guys,
calm down the foundation of this thread I believe was the children we adopted and helping others along the way. I believe most of us that come here is to seek knowledge and advice. Tracy/Chelah I'm not really sure what is going on and i don't really want to know but this was a calm place. Chris calm down i know u are just letting of steam, and things happen for a reason and you did what was right for u and ur wife at the time.
 
Chris,

I have NO idea who Chelah is. I am not conspiring to get information out of you. I have three babies as I have said and am extremely busy with little time for such games. I am not trying to drum up business, make false statements, etc.....whatever else you seem to think up. As I said, my girlfriend emailed me about this so I responded. You say it was a horrible emotional experience.....I simply said, you needed to not put your emotions in front of the needy children and understand that some things are out of the agency's hands when it comes to adopting foreign children. Your adoption is NOT the only one taking place, as they have numerous rescued children coming in at all hours, mothers needing food to feed the little ones, family's needing counseling, etc.... Some adoptions are smooth, some are rough. But if you are truly wanting a child, and in my opion if you had bonded emotionally with the child like you said, you should have stuck out the rough for the beauty at the end. It is one thing to talk about the rough experience, and a completely different thing to bash the agency for something that is out of their hands. And again like I said, maybe you should have visited the country more and learned how things go there. There is no need for you to use vulgarity on this site neither. That is immature. I will inform Irene of the responses on this site so she can read about the slander of her character which I am sure is grounds for legal counsil, since I am an attorney and know these things. I hope everyone has not been to put out by this sinceless nonsence, if so, I do appologize to those. Good day.
 
TE,

You obviously have no idea what my wife and I went through. I am not obligated to explain but in case you are still ignorant, I cut short my trip from the US and my wife and I flew to the Philippines. We saw everything and went to the children homes. We gained a good knowledge of the surrounding areas, the mother’s circumstances and we met, spoke and had lunch with the people who were looking after the children. We spent a considerable amount of time with Agatha and we visited her again the next day. If my memory serves me, we went to the home at least 2 or 3 times. We bought stuffs for the home, clothes, diapers and a fan cos they were really really lacking. We saw everything.

You now have Agatha and we believe she is in a good place. Whatever it is this topic is now closed, if you want to continue with this discussion, its your own topic for discussion. I still stand by what I said cos we are certainly not Hollywood movie producers who dramatize the situation for our own benefit. This maybe the case in America but certainly not in Singapore. We did not gained anything but we lost a whole lot more. What we went through was very real, a very emotionally painful, a very hurtful and a very disappointed, disillusioned time for not only my wife and I, but also for our extended families all over. Thank you very much for re-opening the healed wounds.

This discussion is now officially closed (if I may) and whoever chooses to continue with this thread, can continue by yourself with no further contributions from me. This thread has turned into a place which has become very hostile. This used to be a place for sharing the joys and tribulations of us going through the adoption process but not anymore. It used to be a very nice place but unfortunately not anymore. My further contribution to this thread will now cease. Hope all your adoption progress proceeds smoothly and may the babies may the same joy, happiness and completeness to your lives as our daughter has brought us. Thank you and have a happy and pleasant adoption year ahead!
 
I and my husband are planning to adopt a Chinese baby from overseas (Malaysia / Indonesia). May I know if anybody can recommend any good adoption agency? Tks.
 
I've just submitted my application for HSR on Thu. It took me 3 weeks to complete the form and collate all the required documents. I'm very glad that finally I'm one step closer to adoption.

Once the HSR is done, I can start looking for potential babies. I'm so eager to wait for that day to come!
 
Hi Donna,

Welcome to the thread!

We are always excited when someone starts the adoption process. Please keep us updated and we might be able to provide some advice if you should need any.
 
Hi All,
I am seriously thinking about adoption. Can anyone advise if its possible to adopt a baby from China & which are the reputable agencies in S'pore?
 
Hi pinkpixel,

You can try the non-profit organisation Touch Community Services (TCS): http://adoption.tcs.org.sg/

Note that for adoption from China, by the time you get your baby, she will be more than 1 year old. Call TCS for more details, even for general adoption info.
 
Hi pinkpixel

You have to go thru Touch Community or Fei Yue for adoption in China, both are non-profit organisations. Other private adoption agencies will not be able to arrange that.
 
Hi All,
I'm new to this forum but I've been following this thread especially since my husband and I are planning to adopt a baby.
Your sharing, info and comments have been very helpful (Catherine, Chris, VQ, Elizabeth)I'd like to say thanks to you all.It looks like you have a good community going here!

We are now in the process of filling in the HSR with SBL.
I have personal contacts in Malaysia and Indonesia so we are hoping to adopt from either of these 2 countries. This means that we're not going through an adoption agency.

Can someone here help me out with what we need to do since we're not engaging an adoption agency. From what I have read here,looks like the list includes the letter of agreement from the birth parents to give the child up for adoption and the birth certificate. What else do we need to do in terms of paperwork and if the child does not have a passport, who has to apply for it? Doing it ourselves is a bit scary without the adoption agency as we're not sure what we need to know.

Chris, it seems you may have some similar experience- would you be able to share any helpful info pls.

I'm a S'porean currently living in KL. My husband is a Spore PR.

Thanks in advance
 
<font color="ff6000">HsuLL,

Welcome onboard! Without the help of adoption agency, will means u hv to do most of the things yourself! But another thing is, Save $$$! You will need a doc. fm a lawyer of whichever country u adopted fm. this docs must hv signatures of both birth parents, they agreed to give up their particular child for adoption. Passport, of cos must be done by the birth parents! You must definitely find an experienced lawyer who is familiar with adoption papers, fm both Spore n the country u adopt fm. Catherine n i used the same lawyer. And i must say, this lawyer is VERY GOOD n EXPERIENCE!!

Keep us update of ur good news!</font>
 
Hi All,
Thank you for the information. Actually, hubby &amp; me wants a chinese baby. Doesn't matter boy or girl. From what I have read so far, most of the babies for adoption through agencies here are from the philipines. Is that true?

VQ &amp; Catherine,
Can you share which adoption agency that you both use?
 
Hi pinkpixel,

Both VQ and I used the agency Shun Fa. I had recommended it in this forum (see archives) and VQ picked up on it. I think another couple of mummies also used Shun Fa after reading this forum, although they did not contribute here. Not sure if Shun Fa is still active in this businesss 'cos one mum did call them earlier this year and was told that it's now quite difficult to get pure Chinese babies from M'sia as some may be of mixed parentage. But no harm giving them a call as so far, Shun Fa has given good service.

Chinese babies can also come from M'sia or Indonesia or locally. Not true that most babies for adoption from agencies are from the Philippines.
 
Hi all, Pinkpixel, my little girl is from Malaysia her dad was from Indo and mum a malaysian.

I adopted my little girl from Lotus
 
Thanks Catherine and VQ for the welcome.

Yes Catherine, thanks for your offer. Can you PM me the contact for the lawyer.

Thanks Donna for the link. I'm not sure how this will go as my husband is Australian. But as adviced I guess the first step is to seek a good Malaysian lawyer's advice.

Yup VQ, there are several reasons why we're trying to do it ourselves- definitely will save $$, but more mainly because we have direct contacts in these 2 countries to look for babies up for adoption so it does not make sense for us to still use an adoption agency. I'm sure the paperwork may not be so straight forward that's why I was hoping to find someone who might have done this themselves without an agency. But anyway, we'll struggle along :)

Any relevant input from this forum is appreciated.
 
Hi Hsull,

Your id doesn't accept PM. The lawyer I used is Serene Chan from Serene Chan &amp; Co. You can check her contact from Yellow Pages.
 
<font color="ff6000">HsuLL,</font>
Yes, u hv direct contacts in these 2 countries but will they be able to know the actual procedures of adoption process in the country? I think it is good that u check with both contact in these 2 countries. It would be sad, if u had identified a child but later cant bring him/her out of the country or not approve! The procedures are not as easy as we think.

In this case, u might want to check with some adoption agencies whether they can do the paperworks for u, when u adopt fm own contacts! (Of cos, under a reasonable fees!)

Good luck!
 
Hi everyone,
Have been trying for a baby for 2yrs. Now in the process of IVF. In case it fails, we decided to go for adoption. Anyone here that can advise pls. Where can i get the HSR form? Is there any agencies doing local babies?
 
Hi BlesswBB

For local adoption, you don't have to go thru any HSR or any adoption agency, though you have to get contacts to find available babies. You may wanna try MCYS to see if they can help cos I've just met somebody from an adoption conference today who got his baby via arrangement by MCYS.

For HSR, you can download the form from websites of Touch Community, SBL but I think you can only go thru HSR with 1 organisation. Fei Yue also conducts HSR but their form is not available for download. You have to call them and the officer will go thru some questions with you to evaluate your case and only when she find that your case should be acceptable then the HSR form will be sent to you.

Websites of Touch &amp; SBL are as follows:
http://adoption.tcs.org.sg/
http://www.sblvisionfsc.org.sg/services_report.php

You may wanna check the lead time each of the above organisation take for completion of HSR cos it varies. I'm currently getting mine via Touch.
 
Donna,
Thanks for responding.
Oh really! U mean for local adoption MCYS can help us look for it? Any idea max how long will we need to wait for 1? My hubby and myself don mind wait for max 2yrs. Cos after this IVF most of our saving gone will hv to save all over again. Sighz.....
 
Hi BlesswBB

This is what the adoptive parent I met at the conference shared with me. He and his wife have waited for about 6mths, but I think this is only pertaining to their case. You may wanna call MCYS to check for more details.

One point to note is that usually for cases of adoption, the adoptive parents are very sure that they will be going for adoption (as their only choice), so you may wanna discuss with MCYS about your situation.
 

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