needhelpnow
New Member
Hi all, apologies in advance for hijacking this forum and the long story, I would like to seek some advice on the conundrum I’m in.
So my Wife of 2 years has been cheating on me with another male colleague (A) emotionally (she says she found another ‘me’ in A and it’s more of an emotional bond than physical relations, I also came across a message of her apologizing to A how she was drunk during a company event and was intimate with another more than a year ago) and physically (checked into hotel rooms with A while lying to me) for about half a year. In her messages she has been more than forthright in asking for intimacy, and seems to enjoy the thrill and excitement of the novelty of an affair. A is someone who is very popular in office and is a married father who just welcomed his 2nd newborn.
Just before we married, she changed jobs to a more glamorous industry and started mentioning how attractive the men look and how they shower her with attention, which was something she said I could but didn’t do enough. But she was open about it and said they are just eye candy and even introduced me to A before. Throughout all these she behaved as normal around me, caring for me still and doing her part for the household.
After I confronted her she reiterated that I had neglected her all these while as we would spend time apart when we are home (she did mention before but I did not think much of it), me not being gentlemanly enough and being controlling (we mutually lost interest in each other in the bedroom as well), and that she just found someone that filled her void. She also harbors deep resentment towards my family for mistreating her previously and I didn’t stand up for her back then, hence she kept suggesting we should divorce during the confrontation.
Thereafter I acknowledged these, and we promised to work on rediscovering ourselves. I also changed my behavior towards her, which she now agrees was much better than before. Her other main concern was that she did not see herself putting up with my family for life, to which I suggested to keep them out of our lives as much as possible, and I also recently resolved the previous issues with my family together with her present as well.
Nowadays we are rebuilding and most times it’s as though nothing had happened – we still enjoy each other’s company very much, although with little physical intimacy as she only thinks of him when it comes to that but she says she is ‘working on it’ to eventually have children with me - she mentioned she cannot accept A as a father, only as a lover. On the one hand she says she knows our marriage will be for the long term and A is temporary, yet she still continues the affair physically and emotionally in office. Even though it was agreed with both spouses (A’s Wife knows about the affair as well) there should not be any unnecessary contact between them anymore.
Another issue is that now she would become angry and threaten divorce every time I talk about her feelings for A as she says I don't trust her enough (as she says she’s slowly loving me back) and that A is unrelated to our marriage issues. It seems like they want to keep this going on for as long as possible behind their spouses' backs while staying married, even though she had said before it’s a forced ‘breakup’ and she just needs time to recover from it, and eventually stay married to me for life. A month has passed since the confrontation, should I wait for time to tell or confront her a second time, as only I know that they are continuing the relationship in office? Is she really trying to break away from him or just loves both of us at the same time?
So my Wife of 2 years has been cheating on me with another male colleague (A) emotionally (she says she found another ‘me’ in A and it’s more of an emotional bond than physical relations, I also came across a message of her apologizing to A how she was drunk during a company event and was intimate with another more than a year ago) and physically (checked into hotel rooms with A while lying to me) for about half a year. In her messages she has been more than forthright in asking for intimacy, and seems to enjoy the thrill and excitement of the novelty of an affair. A is someone who is very popular in office and is a married father who just welcomed his 2nd newborn.
Just before we married, she changed jobs to a more glamorous industry and started mentioning how attractive the men look and how they shower her with attention, which was something she said I could but didn’t do enough. But she was open about it and said they are just eye candy and even introduced me to A before. Throughout all these she behaved as normal around me, caring for me still and doing her part for the household.
After I confronted her she reiterated that I had neglected her all these while as we would spend time apart when we are home (she did mention before but I did not think much of it), me not being gentlemanly enough and being controlling (we mutually lost interest in each other in the bedroom as well), and that she just found someone that filled her void. She also harbors deep resentment towards my family for mistreating her previously and I didn’t stand up for her back then, hence she kept suggesting we should divorce during the confrontation.
Thereafter I acknowledged these, and we promised to work on rediscovering ourselves. I also changed my behavior towards her, which she now agrees was much better than before. Her other main concern was that she did not see herself putting up with my family for life, to which I suggested to keep them out of our lives as much as possible, and I also recently resolved the previous issues with my family together with her present as well.
Nowadays we are rebuilding and most times it’s as though nothing had happened – we still enjoy each other’s company very much, although with little physical intimacy as she only thinks of him when it comes to that but she says she is ‘working on it’ to eventually have children with me - she mentioned she cannot accept A as a father, only as a lover. On the one hand she says she knows our marriage will be for the long term and A is temporary, yet she still continues the affair physically and emotionally in office. Even though it was agreed with both spouses (A’s Wife knows about the affair as well) there should not be any unnecessary contact between them anymore.
Another issue is that now she would become angry and threaten divorce every time I talk about her feelings for A as she says I don't trust her enough (as she says she’s slowly loving me back) and that A is unrelated to our marriage issues. It seems like they want to keep this going on for as long as possible behind their spouses' backs while staying married, even though she had said before it’s a forced ‘breakup’ and she just needs time to recover from it, and eventually stay married to me for life. A month has passed since the confrontation, should I wait for time to tell or confront her a second time, as only I know that they are continuing the relationship in office? Is she really trying to break away from him or just loves both of us at the same time?