Cheating Wife

needhelpnow

New Member
Hi all, apologies in advance for hijacking this forum and the long story, I would like to seek some advice on the conundrum I’m in.

So my Wife of 2 years has been cheating on me with another male colleague (A) emotionally (she says she found another ‘me’ in A and it’s more of an emotional bond than physical relations, I also came across a message of her apologizing to A how she was drunk during a company event and was intimate with another more than a year ago) and physically (checked into hotel rooms with A while lying to me) for about half a year. In her messages she has been more than forthright in asking for intimacy, and seems to enjoy the thrill and excitement of the novelty of an affair. A is someone who is very popular in office and is a married father who just welcomed his 2nd newborn.

Just before we married, she changed jobs to a more glamorous industry and started mentioning how attractive the men look and how they shower her with attention, which was something she said I could but didn’t do enough. But she was open about it and said they are just eye candy and even introduced me to A before. Throughout all these she behaved as normal around me, caring for me still and doing her part for the household.
After I confronted her she reiterated that I had neglected her all these while as we would spend time apart when we are home (she did mention before but I did not think much of it), me not being gentlemanly enough and being controlling (we mutually lost interest in each other in the bedroom as well), and that she just found someone that filled her void. She also harbors deep resentment towards my family for mistreating her previously and I didn’t stand up for her back then, hence she kept suggesting we should divorce during the confrontation.

Thereafter I acknowledged these, and we promised to work on rediscovering ourselves. I also changed my behavior towards her, which she now agrees was much better than before. Her other main concern was that she did not see herself putting up with my family for life, to which I suggested to keep them out of our lives as much as possible, and I also recently resolved the previous issues with my family together with her present as well.

Nowadays we are rebuilding and most times it’s as though nothing had happened – we still enjoy each other’s company very much, although with little physical intimacy as she only thinks of him when it comes to that but she says she is ‘working on it’ to eventually have children with me - she mentioned she cannot accept A as a father, only as a lover. On the one hand she says she knows our marriage will be for the long term and A is temporary, yet she still continues the affair physically and emotionally in office. Even though it was agreed with both spouses (A’s Wife knows about the affair as well) there should not be any unnecessary contact between them anymore.

Another issue is that now she would become angry and threaten divorce every time I talk about her feelings for A as she says I don't trust her enough (as she says she’s slowly loving me back) and that A is unrelated to our marriage issues. It seems like they want to keep this going on for as long as possible behind their spouses' backs while staying married, even though she had said before it’s a forced ‘breakup’ and she just needs time to recover from it, and eventually stay married to me for life. A month has passed since the confrontation, should I wait for time to tell or confront her a second time, as only I know that they are continuing the relationship in office? Is she really trying to break away from him or just loves both of us at the same time?
 


Cindy Tay

Member
Seems like an open marriage/relationship you have.
Importantly is ask yourself if you can accept such? And what's your next step you plan to take.
To be honest, when one changes his/her heart, it's very difficult for him/her to change back.
So if I'm were you, I think I will leave this marriage....
 

snazzybanana

New Member
it's only been 2 years or marriage and already so much drama and dwindling of interest. doesn't sound like she has the intention to end the relationship - she's guilt tripping you & making it appear like her entitlement to be unfaithful.

perhaps give her an ultimatum.. end all her affairs (whether emotional or physical) outside or get a divorce. u are not at her mercy, not only she can bring up the threat of a divorce.
 

Mongkok

Active Member
She found another you... which part of A's body? actually, you can also find another her, on every woman.

check into hotel... hold hands?

rediscover each other again.. rediscover that she has the right to slp w others as long as she feels neglected? hallo? wear green hat liao leh. let me wake u up abit. if she has no respect of her marriage, she will slp ard regardless how much you accompany her. i guess, her nex excuse wil be; you don't give her enough privacy and that is suffocating her... so she has no choice to slp ard?

let me advise, if u stick her, down the road, when she turns 'good', you will end up feeling bitter over the past unless you are ok to wear these green hats. this is a vicious cycle that u have to seriously consider.

She isn't ready for marriage life. she prefers having people chasing/fussing over her. you guys are on a different path.

2 choices here:
1) stay w her until she turns good.
2) say bye-bye. actually, there is much more in life than what you are seeing/into now.

it is your invested time and emotion that hold u to a person. do remember, the number of years after marriage w the person surely exceeds the period bef marriage.

as read, your marriage is going to be miserable from the start. she isn't keen to walk this path w you.

well, 2 years only. give yourself 2 more years.. til your patience eroded, you will move on.

lastly, a person who genuinely loves you will accept you as you and she will make you feel stronger in your own skin. think abt it.
 

needhelpnow

New Member
Seems like an open marriage/relationship you have.
Importantly is ask yourself if you can accept such? And what's your next step you plan to take.
To be honest, when one changes his/her heart, it's very difficult for him/her to change back.
So if I'm were you, I think I will leave this marriage....
What i am thinking is that with time she will eventually break off with him, its because now they are in the same office that's why she can't stop herself from carrying on (she actually did tell him that they should abstain from physical contact when i first confronted.. but i guess now they just can't resist the temptation). She told me many times that there is no future with him as she cannot accept his children, hence i am hoping she will 'move on' eventually. So her heart is kinda with me for the long term?
 

needhelpnow

New Member
it's only been 2 years or marriage and already so much drama and dwindling of interest. doesn't sound like she has the intention to end the relationship - she's guilt tripping you & making it appear like her entitlement to be unfaithful.

perhaps give her an ultimatum.. end all her affairs (whether emotional or physical) outside or get a divorce. u are not at her mercy, not only she can bring up the threat of a divorce.
Yes this is the confusing part, i feel she wants it to end eventually as she sees no future with him, but what she is doing now seems like she is deriving emotional support and fun at work- A is someone who helps her greatly in her career and i know they chat whole day long in office. So there's always somebody there for her, both at work and at home. Which makes me wonder if it is possible to love 2 men at the same time?
 

needhelpnow

New Member
She found another you... which part of A's body? actually, you can also find another her, on every woman.

check into hotel... hold hands?

rediscover each other again.. rediscover that she has the right to slp w others as long as she feels neglected? hallo? wear green hat liao leh. let me wake u up abit. if she has no respect of her marriage, she will slp ard regardless how much you accompany her. i guess, her nex excuse wil be; you don't give her enough privacy and that is suffocating her... so she has no choice to slp ard?

let me advise, if u stick her, down the road, when she turns 'good', you will end up feeling bitter over the past unless you are ok to wear these green hats. this is a vicious cycle that u have to seriously consider.

She isn't ready for marriage life. she prefers having people chasing/fussing over her. you guys are on a different path.

2 choices here:
1) stay w her until she turns good.
2) say bye-bye. actually, there is much more in life than what you are seeing/into now.

it is your invested time and emotion that hold u to a person. do remember, the number of years after marriage w the person surely exceeds the period bef marriage.

as read, your marriage is going to be miserable from the start. she isn't keen to walk this path w you.

well, 2 years only. give yourself 2 more years.. til your patience eroded, you will move on.

lastly, a person who genuinely loves you will accept you as you and she will make you feel stronger in your own skin. think abt it.
She said she found another me as in his character is very similar to mine, the joke is in fact i was consoling her on her 'break up' when i confronted because she was so sad about it and she shared how alike he is but a better version in some ways. But obviously we are on opposite ends when it comes to values (i actually asked her to call A, and when i asked why they did it he said it was spur of the moment?!? So should i beat him up in a spur of the moment? ... ).

I know the hotel is not the only place though, and they still lied to their respective spouses saying they did it only once.

The chasing part is sort of true - she likes attention from men, but i managed to hold her heart when we were not married. Her whole life revolved around me then, it just started to break apart when we got married. She said she just wants me only without anybody else.

Now by default i am already on choice 1, thing is how long can i hold on, because i know she is still carrying out all these in the office, hence the only way to test this is if she leaves the company - which she intends to due to work issues. I am also preparing myself to say bye bye if this dosen't work out, tough as it may be.

Thank you for your last sentence, i totally agree and she did made me feel like this throughout our rs - she will always say how nice i am and will never cheat on me (i read her messages). She was always on my side and loving throughout, that was why i decided she was the one. But after marriage, it all started going downhill. I really hope this is a once-off glitch in our lives together. I'm thinking if counselling works, which she is open to as well.
 

margret

Active Member
She said she found another me as in his character is very similar to mine, the joke is in fact i was consoling her on her 'break up' when i confronted because she was so sad about it and she shared how alike he is but a better version in some ways. But obviously we are on opposite ends when it comes to values (i actually asked her to call A, and when i asked why they did it he said it was spur of the moment?!? So should i beat him up in a spur of the moment? ... ).

I know the hotel is not the only place though, and they still lied to their respective spouses saying they did it only once.

The chasing part is sort of true - she likes attention from men, but i managed to hold her heart when we were not married. Her whole life revolved around me then, it just started to break apart when we got married. She said she just wants me only without anybody else.

Now by default i am already on choice 1, thing is how long can i hold on, because i know she is still carrying out all these in the office, hence the only way to test this is if she leaves the company - which she intends to due to work issues. I am also preparing myself to say bye bye if this dosen't work out, tough as it may be.

Thank you for your last sentence, i totally agree and she did made me feel like this throughout our rs - she will always say how nice i am and will never cheat on me (i read her messages). She was always on my side and loving throughout, that was why i decided she was the one. But after marriage, it all started going downhill. I really hope this is a once-off glitch in our lives together. I'm thinking if counselling works, which she is open to as well.
for her, she wan to have best of both worlds.
and also it look likely she have change of heart.
for a married women to be accepting another women, it's not easy and if decide to give herself to him mean that man is important to him.
my advice is either you divorce her or you have to cover both eye and wait for the bomb to explode in your face
 

myENV

New Member
Female infidelity tends to be based on emotional intimacy, women often attach more significance to an affair. She does not love you as much as you think she does.She never thought so much of you because if she did, she would not cheat. For her case, her lover has no intention to divorce for her. Nobody breaks up to be alone. You are just her 2nd choice. She don’t even want to sleep with you.
 

myENV

New Member
She still continuing the affair because you’re a pushover with no boundaries. Why should she respect such a spineless fool? She put her own selfish for the rush of the affair before your marriage.
 

snazzybanana

New Member
Yes this is the confusing part, i feel she wants it to end eventually as she sees no future with him, but what she is doing now seems like she is deriving emotional support and fun at work- A is someone who helps her greatly in her career and i know they chat whole day long in office. So there's always somebody there for her, both at work and at home. Which makes me wonder if it is possible to love 2 men at the same time?
you sound really soft-hearted, patient and have a god-like high tolerance for her nonsense. she has obviously taken advantage of the situation and made a mockery of your marriage and u still can find reasons to justify her cheating. everyone faces stress at work - but is it acceptable to seek unreasonable 'support' and solace (physical sense) knowing the marriage is in jeopardy? even if she changes a job, she might find excuses to stray cos she simply isn't committed to u.

maybe can gauge her short-term sincerity with her decision whether to leave the current company then see if she can remain faithful. if distancing herself from that guy doesn't improve your marriage.. she really isn't worth your time & effort.

I'm also married for 2 years and I believe its not possible to love 2 men at the same time. sure, I might be drawn by certain traits in other guys (looks, charisma, talents etc) but that's just a surface admiration. end of the day, marriage vows count. u don't go round carelessly 'loving' other men (all the more unforgiveable if he is also married, and worst with children). we are not animals, we have logical thinking.. weak willpower is absolute rubbish.
 

myENV

New Member
it's only been 2 years or marriage and already so much drama and dwindling of interest. doesn't sound like she has the intention to end the relationship - she's guilt tripping you & making it appear like her entitlement to be unfaithful.

perhaps give her an ultimatum.. end all her affairs (whether emotional or physical) outside or get a divorce. u are not at her mercy, not only she can bring up the threat of a divorce.
You obey all her wishes, tend to her needs and care for her. I can feel you should be a kind and considerate person but it should not be at the cost of your dignity. A partner who respects you and values the relationship you have together won’t risk losing what they have by cheating on you.

1st confrontation you should asked her to resign already. You are giving the other man more opportunities to continue ‘playing’ with YOUR wife.

Man up please. Ask her to resign NOW if she is serious in rebuilding the marriage and do what is suggested by snazzybanana above post.
 

myENV

New Member
Your wife does not show any signs of remorse. She is not conscious about her wrong deeds. She does not care how much it has hurt you. She doesn’t care means she’ll probably do it again.

You really need to learn how to love and respect yourself first. You don’t value yourself and your wife takes advantage of that. Do not compromise your dignity to keep the relationship going. If your dignity at stake, you make yourself vulnerable to lose your own individuality. She would never respect you if you’re still the pushover with no boundaries. You need to grow a backbone and take back what is yours. She is your wife, you should be her one and only choice.

Talk to her and make her realise that you are giving her one last chance to prove herself that she is committed to you. Tell her you are not God and you are just normal human being with normal emotions. You feel pain when it hurts. If she still continuing her affair, you would not tolerate it. If your wife still has any feeling/interest left in you, she will pay attention. If not, wait till you finally have enough of being hurt, divorce her.
 

trustworthy

New Member
Q1: Should I wait for time to tell or confront her a second time, as only I know that they are continuing the relationship in office?
A= Do not wait, brother. Time does not change a person's character. Do not confront her either. Just file for divorce and do not look back. Run away from her as fast and far as you possibly can. And be thankful that there are no children between you and her. You still have another chance to find the right person with whom you can have children and form a stable family.

Q2: Is she really trying to break away from him or just loves both of us at the same time?
A= No one will know if she is really trying to break away from him except her. But if you asked me to guess, it would not be a positive answer for you.

And regarding the love part of the question: one cannot love 2 persons at the same time. Our hearts cannot be chopped and given in small parts to different people (at least at the spouse level. - Sure, you can love equally your 3 sons, you 5 brothers and all your 6 aunties and 8 uncles at the same time. But there is only one spouse), it's either the whole thing or nothing there. The sexual and physical desire for 2 or more persons at the same time is just lust, and when carried out it is wickedness. Marriage is a place where one must put the spouse before anyone else, love the spouse above anyone else, and be naked with him/her at all levels. Spiritually, morally (telling the truth) and physically. It requires commitment and work. It is not easy but it is worth it, and it is also not for everyone.
 

myENV

New Member
Your wife does not show any signs of remorse. She is not conscious about her wrong deeds. She does not care how much it has hurt you. She doesn’t care means she’ll probably do it again.

You really need to learn how to love and respect yourself first. You don’t value yourself and your wife takes advantage of that. Do not compromise your dignity to keep the relationship going. If your dignity at stake, you make yourself vulnerable to lose your own individuality. She would never respect you if you’re still the pushover with no boundaries. You need to grow a backbone and take back what is yours. She is your wife, you should be her one and only choice.

Talk to her and make her realise that you are giving her one last chance to prove herself that she is committed to you. Tell her you are not God and you are just normal human being with normal emotions. You feel pain when it hurts. If she still continuing her affair, you would not tolerate it. If your wife still has any feeling/interest left in you, she will pay attention. If not, wait till you finally have enough of being hurt, divorce her.
Last sentence change to: If not, get evidence and divorce her immediately.

I agree with trustworthy, the fact that your wife does not show any signs of remorse, she does not deserve another chance.
 

needhelpnow

New Member
for her, she wan to have best of both worlds.
and also it look likely she have change of heart.
for a married women to be accepting another women, it's not easy and if decide to give herself to him mean that man is important to him.
my advice is either you divorce her or you have to cover both eye and wait for the bomb to explode in your face
Thank you for the advice, I am thinking of giving myself a timeline, once it exceeds that and things don't improve i will start the divorce proceedings. I feel that she needs some excitement in her life but she got lost in the process - hence i am considering religious counselling for her, as she can then confide her true feelings openly without me being there.
 

needhelpnow

New Member
you sound really soft-hearted, patient and have a god-like high tolerance for her nonsense. she has obviously taken advantage of the situation and made a mockery of your marriage and u still can find reasons to justify her cheating. everyone faces stress at work - but is it acceptable to seek unreasonable 'support' and solace (physical sense) knowing the marriage is in jeopardy? even if she changes a job, she might find excuses to stray cos she simply isn't committed to u.

maybe can gauge her short-term sincerity with her decision whether to leave the current company then see if she can remain faithful. if distancing herself from that guy doesn't improve your marriage.. she really isn't worth your time & effort.

I'm also married for 2 years and I believe its not possible to love 2 men at the same time. sure, I might be drawn by certain traits in other guys (looks, charisma, talents etc) but that's just a surface admiration. end of the day, marriage vows count. u don't go round carelessly 'loving' other men (all the more unforgiveable if he is also married, and worst with children). we are not animals, we have logical thinking.. weak willpower is absolute rubbish.
Thank you for your reply, i do agree it is full of nonsense. Sometimes when i view this as an external party it really is unbelievable, and even now i still can't accept that this has happened to me. But bad as it is i feel that marriage we should stick through thick and thin, and for me at least i have tried my best - ultimately if she dosen't break off i will divorce.

Fate somehow keeps them together, actually she is facing difficulties at work and wanted to resign a few times but each time the situation will improve. Recently she made up her mind to resign after a big incident but another door opened for her in the company that very day - and she is walking towards that door. In fact i am helping her, i know this door will be good for her professionally - as much as i hate it personally because it means it will just continue.

I also agree that one cannot love two at the same time - at least not for me. She is putting her values and morals aside and putting her own needs first - and feels there is nothing wrong with this. Which makes me feel that she needs guidance, probably religious counselling (of her own faith) may help, a final chance at turning her around, failing which i will have to do the inevitable.
 

needhelpnow

New Member
Q1: Should I wait for time to tell or confront her a second time, as only I know that they are continuing the relationship in office?
A= Do not wait, brother. Time does not change a person's character. Do not confront her either. Just file for divorce and do not look back. Run away from her as fast and far as you possibly can. And be thankful that there are no children between you and her. You still have another chance to find the right person with whom you can have children and form a stable family.

Q2: Is she really trying to break away from him or just loves both of us at the same time?
A= No one will know if she is really trying to break away from him except her. But if you asked me to guess, it would not be a positive answer for you.

And regarding the love part of the question: one cannot love 2 persons at the same time. Our hearts cannot be chopped and given in small parts to different people (at least at the spouse level. - Sure, you can love equally your 3 sons, you 5 brothers and all your 6 aunties and 8 uncles at the same time. But there is only one spouse), it's either the whole thing or nothing there. The sexual and physical desire for 2 or more persons at the same time is just lust, and when carried out it is wickedness. Marriage is a place where one must put the spouse before anyone else, love the spouse above anyone else, and be naked with him/her at all levels. Spiritually, morally (telling the truth) and physically. It requires commitment and work. It is not easy but it is worth it, and it is also not for everyone.
Thank you for answering my questions! Actually i think likewise, i am thinking of just allowing a period of time to give us a chance, she is at her lowest point and as her spouse i feel responsible towards her - but of course there is a limit. I feel she has difficulties committing and lacks maturity - she sacrifices long term gains for short term ones. I also agree with the part where marriage needs commitment and work. If i divorce this will be a main factor, because we are still young and have many more obstacles ahead of us, if she is not committed this will just happen again. In fact she knows the affair will lead to nowhere and works only for now, after i confronted her she actually told him to restrain from physical acts but somehow she gave in again. Hence i am hoping religious counselling will open up her heart - something which she has not fully did to me, and hopefully help her remember why she got married in the first place to me and what it really means.
 

needhelpnow

New Member
Last sentence change to: If not, get evidence and divorce her immediately.

I agree with trustworthy, the fact that your wife does not show any signs of remorse, she does not deserve another chance.
Thank you for all your replies, i agree with you and actually i talked to her about this multiple times and each time she will not want to talk about him, and says she needs time to come back to me fully. I said then i will give that to her but there is also a limit. Hence, if things don't improve i am already planning to expose everything to everybody if she still carries on. I am collating evidence for my own sake as well and planning the details of the divorce proceedings. So if things really come to such, the facts are there to protect myself as well.
 

needhelpnow

New Member
looking at this, she is just dragging time.
why u wan to expose her. get the evidence and move on.
I have to expose her to her family because she told them how bad my family was to her (i apologized to her family on this and luckily they were understanding as well because our families are different) - and this was after i confronted her on the affair. It is only right that they know all the facts about our marriage, and not just through her lens.
 

janey09

Active Member
I have to expose her to her family because she told them how bad my family was to her (i apologized to her family on this and luckily they were understanding as well because our families are different) - and this was after i confronted her on the affair. It is only right that they know all the facts about our marriage, and not just through her lens.
yes I feel you should get evidence of her affair not just to expose her and also use for divorce
 

Cccckk

New Member
Bro, i had similar situation as yours. To save the heartache, pain, anger and disappointment, divorce her and move on.
 

grapes88

New Member
From an outsiders' point of view, she is just trying to have the best of both worlds and you are too soft hearted and kind. She don't seems to cherish you at all, but because you are still considered a "good catch" she doesn't want to let you go, that's why she keep you around in case it doesn't work out with A, so that she still can run back to you without anything to lose.

I hope you will wake up from this nightmare and move on, seriously she is not worth it. It is no longer about love alone, your cheating wife is not someone who sticks to marriage vows, nor does she have the correct moral values. Are you sure you want your future children to have such a woman as their mother? What kind of values will she impart to her children? That it is perfectly alright to sleep with other men beside her husband? If she wants to continue do it then she should not hold on to you. Very selfish of her.

Normally, for male spouses, they will not be able to accept when their wives have betrayed them and will be unwilling to give the marriage another chance, whereas for female spouses, most of the time they will forgive and try to forget.

By the way, for MNCs, it is breach of company policy to have personal relationship in the same company, worse if they are in the same department, they are required to declare to HR but in their case, they can't simply because it is an affair. Most likely will be terminated or transferred.
 
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janey09

Active Member
I agree with above.
she is your wife, u should stem your feet and make her stop. if not then let her go.
life is short, let's all be happy
 

needhelpnow

New Member
Thanks for your replies everyone... It's been a while since i posted and we actually took a trip together recently which helped us to reconnect and bond again. She realized the errors of her ways and promised to come back to me fully. I know now she has stopped all physical acts with him but i know they still meet for lunch together and hang out in the office - as colleagues. She is also going for counselling, so my plan is to monitor her actions for another month to see if she really can do what she says. I guess only time will dictate what the outcome will be.
 

pandakj

Active Member
If she truly loves you, she wouldn't betray you in the first place
Your end : is it also true love for her? Forgiving her to the end and still believing she wouldn't stray. Clean break means no contact

Hope not case of self denial
 

margret

Active Member
Thanks for your replies everyone... It's been a while since i posted and we actually took a trip together recently which helped us to reconnect and bond again. She realized the errors of her ways and promised to come back to me fully. I know now she has stopped all physical acts with him but i know they still meet for lunch together and hang out in the office - as colleagues. She is also going for counselling, so my plan is to monitor her actions for another month to see if she really can do what she says. I guess only time will dictate what the outcome will be.
I feel if it will be better for her to change a job. this not only minimizes chances of their affair restart but also you will not be suspicious of whether they go lunch together.
 

myENV

New Member
All healthy relationships have boundaries. I don’t see why you can accept your wife to hang out with someone she found attractive, being intimate with physically and share a literal past with. She could still hold the other man in high (romantic) regard, since she does want to keep hanging out with him.

Its not a good idea for her to stay in the same company where they both see each other everyday. It will be very difficult for her to see him and not remember the past. The other man would not understand boundaries and still lurking in the background. He had her once and it just a matter of time he would get her again.

You need to let her understand that it not only your duty to just blindly trust her. It’s her duty to keep your trust. She needs to break all unnecessary contact with him in the office. It’s about the respect she should have for you, her husband.
 
Hi all, apologies in advance for hijacking this forum and the long story, I would like to seek some advice on the conundrum I’m in.

So my Wife of 2 years has been cheating on me with another male colleague (A) emotionally (she says she found another ‘me’ in A and it’s more of an emotional bond than physical relations, I also came across a message of her apologizing to A how she was drunk during a company event and was intimate with another more than a year ago) and physically (checked into hotel rooms with A while lying to me) for about half a year. In her messages she has been more than forthright in asking for intimacy, and seems to enjoy the thrill and excitement of the novelty of an affair. A is someone who is very popular in office and is a married father who just welcomed his 2nd newborn.

Just before we married, she changed jobs to a more glamorous industry and started mentioning how attractive the men look and how they shower her with attention, which was something she said I could but didn’t do enough. But she was open about it and said they are just eye candy and even introduced me to A before. Throughout all these she behaved as normal around me, caring for me still and doing her part for the household.
After I confronted her she reiterated that I had neglected her all these while as we would spend time apart when we are home (she did mention before but I did not think much of it), me not being gentlemanly enough and being controlling (we mutually lost interest in each other in the bedroom as well), and that she just found someone that filled her void. She also harbors deep resentment towards my family for mistreating her previously and I didn’t stand up for her back then, hence she kept suggesting we should divorce during the confrontation.

Thereafter I acknowledged these, and we promised to work on rediscovering ourselves. I also changed my behavior towards her, which she now agrees was much better than before. Her other main concern was that she did not see herself putting up with my family for life, to which I suggested to keep them out of our lives as much as possible, and I also recently resolved the previous issues with my family together with her present as well.

Nowadays we are rebuilding and most times it’s as though nothing had happened – we still enjoy each other’s company very much, although with little physical intimacy as she only thinks of him when it comes to that but she says she is ‘working on it’ to eventually have children with me - she mentioned she cannot accept A as a father, only as a lover. On the one hand she says she knows our marriage will be for the long term and A is temporary, yet she still continues the affair physically and emotionally in office. Even though it was agreed with both spouses (A’s Wife knows about the affair as well) there should not be any unnecessary contact between them anymore.

Another issue is that now she would become angry and threaten divorce every time I talk about her feelings for A as she says I don't trust her enough (as she says she’s slowly loving me back) and that A is unrelated to our marriage issues. It seems like they want to keep this going on for as long as possible behind their spouses' backs while staying married, even though she had said before it’s a forced ‘breakup’ and she just needs time to recover from it, and eventually stay married to me for life. A month has passed since the confrontation, should I wait for time to tell or confront her a second time, as only I know that they are continuing the relationship in office? Is she really trying to break away from him or just loves both of us at the same time?
Hi, can i ask after a year plus , were u able to reconcile back wif your wife?
 

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