Cheated Spouse
- Thread starter fortheloveofgod
- Start date
Hi all,
I am a married guy. Reading these stories, I really feel sorry for the victims out there. Hope that the light at the end of the tunnel will come soon. Also, I think it is important that in a relationship, no one should take a relationship for granted and should take the time to know someone well before getting married. I think that is the key. Lots of guys I know, do not show their actual side until the paper is signed and the ship has sailed. Everything will only start showing after marriage. Btw, I think you need close to 3 years at least to know someone well before commiting. Anyways, if there are any questions from the guys perspective you all need to know. I can help answer some of them
I am a married guy. Reading these stories, I really feel sorry for the victims out there. Hope that the light at the end of the tunnel will come soon. Also, I think it is important that in a relationship, no one should take a relationship for granted and should take the time to know someone well before getting married. I think that is the key. Lots of guys I know, do not show their actual side until the paper is signed and the ship has sailed. Everything will only start showing after marriage. Btw, I think you need close to 3 years at least to know someone well before commiting. Anyways, if there are any questions from the guys perspective you all need to know. I can help answer some of them
jayjayqueenie
Active Member
hey daman.
would be very interested to know from a guy's pov.
u said only know a guy's true side after papers are signed.
could you elaborate more on the true side?
perhaps at least a teeny part of them regret their actions?
i also know its common for guys to feel vengeful.
would be very interested to know from a guy's pov.
u said only know a guy's true side after papers are signed.
could you elaborate more on the true side?
perhaps at least a teeny part of them regret their actions?
i also know its common for guys to feel vengeful.
Hey jayjay,
True side meaning the person's nature. Eg, some guys will never clean the house, will sit around everyday after work knowing you will clean it, surf porn secretly only to be discovered by the wife cuz they were dumb enuff not to delete cookies and previously surfed contents and etc...
Vengeful and remorseful when they go do "rubbish" really depends on the guys. Eg are they fathers, or married only etc. fathers that I know of are normally more sensible in the first few years of their kids life, but again there are a few schools of thought. Some that screw around once or twice a month and think if karma befalls them, they accept it. Some who are really committed and dun screw around after kids and finally those who have mistresses even with kids. Remorse, maybe at the beginning but subsequently, it normally disappears. Depends on how nice is the wife to the hubby and how committed is the hubby to the marriage. many factors affect too, work environment and etc
Vengeful like?
True side meaning the person's nature. Eg, some guys will never clean the house, will sit around everyday after work knowing you will clean it, surf porn secretly only to be discovered by the wife cuz they were dumb enuff not to delete cookies and previously surfed contents and etc...
Vengeful and remorseful when they go do "rubbish" really depends on the guys. Eg are they fathers, or married only etc. fathers that I know of are normally more sensible in the first few years of their kids life, but again there are a few schools of thought. Some that screw around once or twice a month and think if karma befalls them, they accept it. Some who are really committed and dun screw around after kids and finally those who have mistresses even with kids. Remorse, maybe at the beginning but subsequently, it normally disappears. Depends on how nice is the wife to the hubby and how committed is the hubby to the marriage. many factors affect too, work environment and etc
Vengeful like?
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pixie ng
Well-Known Member
i dun think is man "nature" that his personality will change after paper is signed. some ladies is pussy cat before sign paper, then upgrade to tigress after sign paper.
it is not a gender thing, it is a human behavior thing that people start taking granted or start being in the comfort zone, that they stop making effort.
if the person cheats, is only means the person does not have moral & dignity of a good partner or good parent. no matter how nice or bad the wife is, is just an excuse used by the person. and if he used any "valid reason" to justify his action, he is a wussy loser who does not have moral & dignity of a good person. because he/she should be responsible of his/her own action, instead of blaming other party who "causes" him/her to be this loser.
it is not a gender thing, it is a human behavior thing that people start taking granted or start being in the comfort zone, that they stop making effort.
if the person cheats, is only means the person does not have moral & dignity of a good partner or good parent. no matter how nice or bad the wife is, is just an excuse used by the person. and if he used any "valid reason" to justify his action, he is a wussy loser who does not have moral & dignity of a good person. because he/she should be responsible of his/her own action, instead of blaming other party who "causes" him/her to be this loser.
Hi pixie ng,
"i dun think is man "nature" that his personality will change after paper is signed. some ladies is pussy cat before sign paper, then upgrade to tigress after sign paper.
it is not a gender thing, it is a human behavior thing that people start taking granted or start being in the comfort zone, that they stop making effort."
That we agree, but I am refering to them showing their true nature after paper is signed. Nature dun change before and after marriage
"if the person cheats, is only means the person does not have moral & dignity of a good partner or good parent. no matter how nice or bad the wife is, is just an excuse used by the person. and if he used any "valid reason" to justify his action, he is a wussy loser who does not have moral & dignity of a good person. because he/she should be responsible of his/her own action, instead of blaming other party who "causes" him/her to be this loser."
I used to think like you. That when a man cheats, must surely 100% be all his fault. But dun think that is the case now. Reason being, there are a variety of reasons why a HB will cheat. Eg lack of spice in relationship, little interaction with wife, change in perception of life, change in person overtime due to life experiences. But while it is still wrong to cheat (not denying that). I am saying, overtime, people change. Some people we thought we used to know became different. Some guys become aged wine. But some, simply became vinegar (LOL). So while you cant totally influence whether it will be wine or vinegar, you can only select the grape before signing to process it. Once you processed the grape, it dosent matter le. So that is how most guys think i suppose?
"i dun think is man "nature" that his personality will change after paper is signed. some ladies is pussy cat before sign paper, then upgrade to tigress after sign paper.
it is not a gender thing, it is a human behavior thing that people start taking granted or start being in the comfort zone, that they stop making effort."
That we agree, but I am refering to them showing their true nature after paper is signed. Nature dun change before and after marriage
"if the person cheats, is only means the person does not have moral & dignity of a good partner or good parent. no matter how nice or bad the wife is, is just an excuse used by the person. and if he used any "valid reason" to justify his action, he is a wussy loser who does not have moral & dignity of a good person. because he/she should be responsible of his/her own action, instead of blaming other party who "causes" him/her to be this loser."
I used to think like you. That when a man cheats, must surely 100% be all his fault. But dun think that is the case now. Reason being, there are a variety of reasons why a HB will cheat. Eg lack of spice in relationship, little interaction with wife, change in perception of life, change in person overtime due to life experiences. But while it is still wrong to cheat (not denying that). I am saying, overtime, people change. Some people we thought we used to know became different. Some guys become aged wine. But some, simply became vinegar (LOL). So while you cant totally influence whether it will be wine or vinegar, you can only select the grape before signing to process it. Once you processed the grape, it dosent matter le. So that is how most guys think i suppose?
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
you are not understanding what i'm saying. i saying "them" showing their true nature after paper is signed is not "entitled" to men only. it is a human personality, not a gender thing.Lots of guys I know, do not show their actual side until the paper is signed and the ship has sailed.
That we agree, but I am refering to them showing their true nature after paper is signed. Nature dun change before and after marriage
a variety of reason is plainly excuses created by wussy loser. i'm not saying how much percentage is a person's fault if someone in a rship cheat. i find it pointless, so what it is 50%? so what it is 99%? what does that matter? what i'm saying if a person dun man up (regardless female or male) in facing in his/her failure in maintaining a r/ship, but use his time & effort to find a variety of "reasons" to justify his action is just wussy loser. in worst scenerio, you can always walk out of the r/ship. dont tell me the person dun have the balls to do so? but cheating seem easier?
just like you pluck some grapes, ferment it then found out it is not wine but vinegar. you can chose to throw it away and do it again. Or you can choose to drink the sour vinegar and say no choice lo, i already pluck the grapes and DIE DIE this is the grapes i chosen and ferment the wine but it just vinegar. i should go steal people wine & drink instead. well, i guess it sound logical to some, but at least not to me...
dun get me wrong, i'm not feminist who want to kill all male cheaters. i do have friends who cheated and it just their wussy loser personality. i still love them as my friends. they are still wussy losers which i always remind them of it. not all man (women) are great, there are always off spec ones, this is just life.
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Hi pixie ng,
you are not understanding what i'm saying. i saying "them" showing their true nature after paper is signed is not "entitled" to men only. it is a human personality, not a gender thing.
Agree with you, but I am only talking about from a guy's perspective, cuz I am just here to talk abt guy's mindset and not the women's
a variety of reason is plainly excuses created by wussy loser. i'm not saying how much percentage is a person's fault if someone in a rship cheat. i find it pointless, so what it is 50%? so what it is 99%? what does that matter? what i'm saying if a person dun man up (regardless female or male) in facing in his/her failure in maintaining a r/ship, but use his time & effort to find a variety of "reasons" to justify his action is just wussy loser. in worst scenerio, you can always walk out of the r/ship. dont tell me the person dun have the balls to do so? but cheating seem easier?
Chill, dun get so worked up over this discussion Of course it matters if it is 70/30 or even 50/50. I raise a question to you. So you withnessed a robbery and didnt report. The man who committed the crime, is at fault. You think you are not? You are abetting a crime. Everyone plays a part, albeit small or big if you are a party to it. I guess it is hard for the wife/ ex-wife to agree. Reason being they felt they contributed to the household and gave sacrifices to the household. Some men are really F**k**s i agree, but what i am saying is. wives need to negotiate slogging terms even before the beginning of the marriage. Finally, i know i am going to sound like a pr**k if i say this. Dun slog for the wrong man. If you made the wrong choice in the beginning, you cant expect the fairy tale ending 90% of the time.
you are not understanding what i'm saying. i saying "them" showing their true nature after paper is signed is not "entitled" to men only. it is a human personality, not a gender thing.
Agree with you, but I am only talking about from a guy's perspective, cuz I am just here to talk abt guy's mindset and not the women's
a variety of reason is plainly excuses created by wussy loser. i'm not saying how much percentage is a person's fault if someone in a rship cheat. i find it pointless, so what it is 50%? so what it is 99%? what does that matter? what i'm saying if a person dun man up (regardless female or male) in facing in his/her failure in maintaining a r/ship, but use his time & effort to find a variety of "reasons" to justify his action is just wussy loser. in worst scenerio, you can always walk out of the r/ship. dont tell me the person dun have the balls to do so? but cheating seem easier?
Chill, dun get so worked up over this discussion
Of course it matters if it is 70/30 or even 50/50. I raise a question to you. So you withnessed a robbery and didnt report. The man who committed the crime, is at fault. You think you are not? You are abetting a crime. Everyone plays a part, albeit small or big if you are a party to it. I guess it is hard for the wife/ ex-wife to agree. Reason being they felt they contributed to the household and gave sacrifices to the household. Some men are really F**k**s i agree, but what i am saying is. wives need to negotiate slogging terms even before the beginning of the marriage. Finally, i know i am going to sound like a pr**k if i say this. Dun slog for the wrong man. If you made the wrong choice in the beginning, you cant expect the fairy tale ending 90% of the time.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
you are not talking from guy's perspective. you are talking about your perspective.Hi pixie ng,
Agree with you, but I am only talking about from a guy's perspective, cuz I am just here to talk abt guy's mindset and not the women's
that's a difference....
frankly speaking, if is my partner, he would react much stronger because he just hate cheaters.
Chill, dun get so worked up over this discussion
let me simplified to you, in your own example. i witness a crime, i didnt report. go to court, the man claim is not 100% his fault, it is 50% my fault because i didnt report him. so it doesnt matter he is the one who commit the crime, the focus should be i didnt report him. oh well, i guess is sound logical to some, but doesnt sound logical to me.
to me, a fail r/ship means both party has failed the relationship. be it you choose the wrong person or some point down the road love has just died. but the person who cheated is a wussy loser because he/she does not choose to face the truth. yet find excuses to justify his cheating. i hope it is simple enough to understand now.
Hi pixie ng,
you are not talking from guy's perspective. you are talking about your perspective.
that's a difference....
frankly speaking, if is my partner, he would react much stronger because he just hate cheaters.
how do you know this is my perspective and not most men's? and your partner is the equilvalent of most men? I am just sharing, and i wun share if it is just my perspective. Cuz me does not equal the world. How i come to know all this, cuz my guy friends educated to hokkien peng, talks. Not interested to know if your partner hates cheaters or not, (lol) none of the ladies here are married to him
let me simplified to you, in your own example. i witness a crime, i didnt report. go to court, the man claim is not 100% his fault, it is 50% my fault because i didnt report him. so it doesnt matter he is the one who commit the crime, the focus should be i didnt report him. oh well, i guess is sound logical to some, but doesnt sound logical to me. to me, a fail r/ship means both party has failed the relationship. be it you choose the wrong person or some point down the road love has just died. but the person who cheated is a wussy loser because he/she does not choose to face the truth. yet find excuses to justify his cheating. i hope it is simple enough to understand now.
Again, your replies centralise on yourself, which i am not aiming to address whether this is logical to you or not. (not my purpose or issue here with anyways ) Simple reasoning is, it always takes two hands to clap. lets not talk about logic of 2 hands to clap. this is going nowhere
Finally, the part on wussy loser lol. there are many ways to face a problem. Some stand there and dun move. Some go straight on and face it. Well some try to solve it and fail. There are so many ways to face a problem. Who are you to determine which method is a "wussy loser" method? Just because your character likes to go heads on to face problem dosent make you a non-loser. lol. Can i say that your english is garbage so you are a wussy loser?
you are not talking from guy's perspective. you are talking about your perspective.
that's a difference....
frankly speaking, if is my partner, he would react much stronger because he just hate cheaters.
how do you know this is my perspective and not most men's? and your partner is the equilvalent of most men? I am just sharing, and i wun share if it is just my perspective. Cuz me does not equal the world. How i come to know all this, cuz my guy friends educated to hokkien peng, talks. Not interested to know if your partner hates cheaters or not, (lol) none of the ladies here are married to him
let me simplified to you, in your own example. i witness a crime, i didnt report. go to court, the man claim is not 100% his fault, it is 50% my fault because i didnt report him. so it doesnt matter he is the one who commit the crime, the focus should be i didnt report him. oh well, i guess is sound logical to some, but doesnt sound logical to me. to me, a fail r/ship means both party has failed the relationship. be it you choose the wrong person or some point down the road love has just died. but the person who cheated is a wussy loser because he/she does not choose to face the truth. yet find excuses to justify his cheating. i hope it is simple enough to understand now.
Again, your replies centralise on yourself, which i am not aiming to address whether this is logical to you or not. (not my purpose or issue here with anyways
) Simple reasoning is, it always takes two hands to clap. lets not talk about logic of 2 hands to clap. this is going nowhere Finally, the part on wussy loser lol. there are many ways to face a problem. Some stand there and dun move. Some go straight on and face it. Well some try to solve it and fail. There are so many ways to face a problem. Who are you to determine which method is a "wussy loser" method? Just because your character likes to go heads on to face problem dosent make you a non-loser. lol. Can i say that your english is garbage so you are a wussy loser?
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
how do you know this is my perspective and not most men's? and your partner is the equilvalent of most men? I am just sharing, and i wun share if it is just my perspective. Cuz me does not equal the world. How i come to know all this, cuz my guy friends educated to hokkien peng, talks. Not interested to know if your partner hates cheaters or not, (lol) none of the ladies here are married to him
LOL~ ok, so you are saying that your perspective + all your hokkien peng friends = most men's and you can speak on all their behalf? oh well, i guess it sound logical to you..
i didn't say my partner's perspective = most men's perspective because that would be stupid and most men is not as awesome as him.
Again, your replies centralise on yourself, which i am not aiming to address whether this is logical to you or not. (not my purpose or issue here with anyways
Finally, the part on wussy loser lol. there are many ways to face a problem. Some stand there and dun move. Some go straight on and face it. Well some try to solve it and fail. There are so many ways to face a problem. Who are you to determine which method is a "wussy loser" method? Just because your character likes to go heads on to face problem dosent make you a non-loser. lol. Can i say that your english is garbage so you are a wussy loser?
my replies is not centralise on myself, it is because you asking me a question. hence i reply using your example, citing "I". cant be you asking me a question, i cite mary or peter right?
of course you can say people cheat because their marriage fail is not wussy loser. there are so many ways (as what you have said) but yet they choose to cheat. so many ways to choose lei, but cheating is the best solution that they can come out with. so no they are not wussy loser. just like ISIS chop off people head and claim they are doing justice. it is always on how you want to justify your action. you can say my english is garbage so i'm a wussy loser, as long as it makes sense to you...haha...
but one thing you say is right, when things go wrong, i fix it and move on with my life. i can face my parents, my family, my loved ones on my decision i made in life with honor & dignity. of course people can say i'm a loser at some sense some point which is completely logical to them. but at least my loved ones are proud of me, that's what matter most. i'm not a holy person who did no wrong in life but at least i lead a decent 光明磊落 life. i just happen to have something called "conscience" aka 良心
Hey Pixie,
just sharing only. Again, you make a lot of assumptions. who are you again to say most men are not as awesome as your hubby? you are insulting me too leh. what if your hubs (which i am sure is not) is total bs to me. you will be insulting me already. lol.
lets not put own personal feel into this chat. for what? dosent benefit anyone. iz assumptions and sentences like these that makes a thread not interesting to read. lets not go into our own lives.
being straightforward has its merits. and i am genuinely happy for you. so lets skip how you feel. and if there are other interesting questions, i will be pleased to assist whenever i can. (Btw, i chanced upon this forum cuz i was looking for ivf and iui stuff and came here to read this interesting topic, hence i decided to return the thanks to this community for the interesting ivf and iui feedbacks by answering the burning questions that ladies here may want to know). Personally, a short intro abt myself. I am a professional in my 30s and have the luxury of meeting people from all walks of life daily. so yeap.... Have a tonne of friends male, married, fathers and etc and I am a good "uncle agony". lol... so this internet guise allows me to talk freely, as a betrayer to most men (lol), while my visits to the other forums lasts
just sharing only. Again, you make a lot of assumptions. who are you again to say most men are not as awesome as your hubby? you are insulting me too leh. what if your hubs (which i am sure is not) is total bs to me. you will be insulting me already. lol.
lets not put own personal feel into this chat. for what? dosent benefit anyone. iz assumptions and sentences like these that makes a thread not interesting to read. lets not go into our own lives.
being straightforward has its merits. and i am genuinely happy for you. so lets skip how you feel. and if there are other interesting questions, i will be pleased to assist whenever i can. (Btw, i chanced upon this forum cuz i was looking for ivf and iui stuff and came here to read this interesting topic, hence i decided to return the thanks to this community for the interesting ivf and iui feedbacks by answering the burning questions that ladies here may want to know). Personally, a short intro abt myself. I am a professional in my 30s and have the luxury of meeting people from all walks of life daily. so yeap....
Have a tonne of friends male, married, fathers and etc and I am a good "uncle agony". lol... so this internet guise allows me to talk freely, as a betrayer to most men (lol), while my visits to the other forums lasts
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
oh well, if you feel insulted because i said my partner is the most awesome, then i can only say too bad. among all the guys i know in my up-to-now life, excluding my dad of course (my dad is the most most awesome guy i know), my partner is really the most awesome guy i know. i tell this to everyone i know and i really cannot deny that because that's really the truth.
then again, like i say, whatever i say is my own perspective. i don't represent anyone, i don't dare to represent most of female perspective. it is only me saying that everything i do must be according to my conscience...
then again, like i say, whatever i say is my own perspective. i don't represent anyone, i don't dare to represent most of female perspective. it is only me saying that everything i do must be according to my conscience...
hi daman,
i think your two cents worth does not live up to expectation, not to mention from maturity. keep all of your expertise to yourself, most people come to this thread bcos they are facing serious problem in life, thus please be responsible and sensible when making any comments. othetwise, u r welcome.
i think your two cents worth does not live up to expectation, not to mention from maturity. keep all of your expertise to yourself, most people come to this thread bcos they are facing serious problem in life, thus please be responsible and sensible when making any comments. othetwise, u r welcome.
Shearer, i dont understand your train of thought. i m aware i m in a forum. i believe this forum welcomes men and women. nobody's perfect. each one of us has a certain view to things. i m sharing my view. just like each n everyone of us.
maybe let me try to explain why i chose to see his posts as nonsense. From what i have gathered, Daman is saying that when a man cheats we need to look at the extenuating circumstances. For eg. loss connection, lack of sex, personality changes over time. Also he cited 'fu**k*rs' which i presume are men who cheats maybe for fun/thrill/no ostensibly good reason. And then there are those who are 'wired' by nature to cheat (he refers to it as 'true nature' which will surely manifest itself within a few years of getting to know their characters).
using the analogy of crime that both of them used.. a person could have commited a crime of theft due to reasons like maybe he has 5 mouths to feed n exhausted all options. maybe the person stole for fun/thrill. or maybe the person suffers from impulse control disorder like kleptomania ('true nature').
in the eyes of the law, the person is considered a 'criminal' when he is found guilty of a crime.
in the world of pixie ng, a person who is found guilty of cheating his spouse based on whatever reason is simply called a 'wussy loser'.
Daman is saying that not all men who cheat are 'wussy losers'. to me this is the nonsense i m talking about. it is like saying not all criminals who have been convicted of committing a crime are 'criminals'.
hope u get my gist.
Additionally i feel that while he has very good intentions to help others in the forum, my personal view is that there is also no need to 'sell' himself as a 'uncle agony' and friend to tonnes of men. my 2 cents worth.
maybe let me try to explain why i chose to see his posts as nonsense. From what i have gathered, Daman is saying that when a man cheats we need to look at the extenuating circumstances. For eg. loss connection, lack of sex, personality changes over time. Also he cited 'fu**k*rs' which i presume are men who cheats maybe for fun/thrill/no ostensibly good reason. And then there are those who are 'wired' by nature to cheat (he refers to it as 'true nature' which will surely manifest itself within a few years of getting to know their characters).
using the analogy of crime that both of them used.. a person could have commited a crime of theft due to reasons like maybe he has 5 mouths to feed n exhausted all options. maybe the person stole for fun/thrill. or maybe the person suffers from impulse control disorder like kleptomania ('true nature').
in the eyes of the law, the person is considered a 'criminal' when he is found guilty of a crime.
in the world of pixie ng, a person who is found guilty of cheating his spouse based on whatever reason is simply called a 'wussy loser'.
Daman is saying that not all men who cheat are 'wussy losers'. to me this is the nonsense i m talking about. it is like saying not all criminals who have been convicted of committing a crime are 'criminals'.
hope u get my gist.
Additionally i feel that while he has very good intentions to help others in the forum, my personal view is that there is also no need to 'sell' himself as a 'uncle agony' and friend to tonnes of men. my 2 cents worth.
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Hi timmerin,
Why must a guy who cheats be a wussie loser? Can't he be motherf******/bast***? Why is there a need to use these lingos to address them? They are human beings too(albeit disgusting ones). A cheater failed in his relationship, but is a successful man in career(let say) can you call him a wussy loser? He is not. He is simply a cheater. That's all.
My point is. Men who cheat are wrong, no question about it. However, why he go cheat, there are a tonne of reasons and a wife and husband can't say that he cheat, so it must be ALL his fault, there must be something missing or wrong in the relationship or simply bad choice of partners i guess, discussions should be sought and not cheating as a resort. Please, please read this carefully. Just because a wife has her fault doesn't mean the man can cheat as an excuse.
On the ways to "solve" a problem. Please let me explain. I am saying there are many ways to solve it and cheating is not even a method. But nonetheless used by men all the time. You get it? I disagree with the methods of my own kind, but that it just how the world is.
Finally can just stop commenting about my comments? If you dun like it, heck it. Everyone here are adults, duned people to teach what needs to be followed or not. Lol, save your 2cents for yourself.
Why must a guy who cheats be a wussie loser? Can't he be motherf******/bast***? Why is there a need to use these lingos to address them? They are human beings too(albeit disgusting ones). A cheater failed in his relationship, but is a successful man in career(let say) can you call him a wussy loser? He is not. He is simply a cheater. That's all.
My point is. Men who cheat are wrong, no question about it. However, why he go cheat, there are a tonne of reasons and a wife and husband can't say that he cheat, so it must be ALL his fault, there must be something missing or wrong in the relationship or simply bad choice of partners i guess, discussions should be sought and not cheating as a resort. Please, please read this carefully. Just because a wife has her fault doesn't mean the man can cheat as an excuse.
On the ways to "solve" a problem. Please let me explain. I am saying there are many ways to solve it and cheating is not even a method. But nonetheless used by men all the time. You get it? I disagree with the methods of my own kind, but that it just how the world is.
Finally can just stop commenting about my comments? If you dun like it, heck it. Everyone here are adults, duned people to teach what needs to be followed or not. Lol, save your 2cents for yourself.
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daman, u called a certain group of ppl 'fuc*ke*s' in ur posts. nobody is quibbling with u for that.
pixie ng chooses to call a certain group of ppl 'wussy losers'. she can call them 'roses' or 'hunks' or 'cheaters'. why blast her for calling these ppl whatever she wants??? that is pointless and immature.
everyone has a right to opinion n posts eh.
pixie ng chooses to call a certain group of ppl 'wussy losers'. she can call them 'roses' or 'hunks' or 'cheaters'. why blast her for calling these ppl whatever she wants??? that is pointless and immature.
everyone has a right to opinion n posts eh.
That's why I said, who has the right to do that? No one. And I apologize. I couldn't stand it when I kept seeing wussie loser branded on cheaters in almost every reply she put and I will try to craft my response like an advice next time then, to avoid misinterpretation. On why I can't stand the name calling, I apologize again because of my profession. Can't stand baseless name calling and accusations and it should only be right that as adults, we deal with this like adults. Makes here more conducive too.
I have on thing to add, men who cheat are unlikely to ever come back to the normal loving person they once were, their minds will be elsewhere and they are almost no longer capable to love the wife like they used to. Unless something huge happened in their lives and the wife happened to be there to give the correct support and he actually appreciates what she is doing. (Eg, take care of him during sickness and stuff, etc) otherwise, I will advise, better to move on. Basically it is extremely hard for a post affair marriage to work. This is from the men's point of view.
I have on thing to add, men who cheat are unlikely to ever come back to the normal loving person they once were, their minds will be elsewhere and they are almost no longer capable to love the wife like they used to. Unless something huge happened in their lives and the wife happened to be there to give the correct support and he actually appreciates what she is doing. (Eg, take care of him during sickness and stuff, etc) otherwise, I will advise, better to move on. Basically it is extremely hard for a post affair marriage to work. This is from the men's point of view.
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pixie ng
Well-Known Member
in my own POV, he is a cheater and a wussy loser..LOL~ i mean my friend is successful in his career but i still say he is a wussy loser straight in his face. and we are still friends. just that we dun touch on this subject at all because he understands i cannot change my mindset and he cannot change his ways.
just like a person betray his family, but he has tons of money, maybe other people think he is a successful person, but so happen that he does not have conscience. but to me, he is straight A b@stard.
to me, wife/husband is consider family. they may not be the best partner ever, may not be the most awesome person you know, but both parties are married and commit to each other by marriage vows (which now nobody really cares i guess). cheating is a betray to me, something like take a knife & stab into my back because i'm not the best wife ever. i guess to some is seems like a logical reason?
unless both parties is swingers, then ok la. coz both parties have the same understanding. Or both parties has "marriage contract", just bound to each other for business related stuffs, and they communicate with each other that they still can do whatever they want in their "marriage"
p.s: whatever i comment is purely based on my own perspective & thoughts, no target anyone at all. anyway to me, you can do whatever you do to make you happy as you only live once. so live no regrets. but always remember to have conscience. 人在做天在看.
p.p.s: if any cheater who thinks he is not wussy loser, and after reading my post, he thinks i'm scolding him wussy loser. i'm not. i'm scolding my friend. i don't know you, why should i scold you?
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shearer
Active Member
Timmerin, in the world of love, there is no right or wrong... the ring on the finger, the signature on the cert, the baby in the cot, means nothing. .. now the guys talk about bank balance, cup size, types of sex positions, investment portfolio value, and related material stuff... true love?
U go try gamble all ur savings away, let ur boobs sag, let ur waist thickens, downgrade to clerical job, see how much true love is left. . The world is changing. ..
In the past, when my parents got me a male tutor, they left me in the house alone with him for 2 hours... u think thats possible now?
U go try gamble all ur savings away, let ur boobs sag, let ur waist thickens, downgrade to clerical job, see how much true love is left. . The world is changing. ..
In the past, when my parents got me a male tutor, they left me in the house alone with him for 2 hours... u think thats possible now?
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
to me most importantly is not the journey not the result. is a person must have 良心 and lead a 光明磊落 life. whatever a person do, he/she must able to face his parents, family & children. if he/she did a mistake, admit and fix it. it is human to err but at least face it.
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pixie ng
Well-Known Member
i think you do not understand what is liang xin.....
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
no one is a holy person (maybe there is but i duno him/her). at times we will keng MC, take own sweet time to squeeze breast milk, gossip behind people's back, black face in front of inlaw. bottomline am i hurting anyone? will i want someone to do the same thing i did to him/her? when chasing and attaining our own happiness, am i destroying other happiness to get mine?
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
actually there is... every month confirm take 2 days MC one.. one year confirm want to use all 14days. but we just have to live with it and work around it.
i cannot say that stupid b!tch takes so many MC, i also do the same and pay her back. so how does that helps?
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
u still dun understand....
liang xin is conscience a person have (or may not have). it is not a thing which u apply whenever you want.
I feel, the thing here is. the clear conscience way may or may not be the way that works for everyone. Some people need clear conscience to live happily while some dont. But one thing is for certain, there is no right and wrong. And clear conscience is subjective. To some men, clear conscience could be (on extreme end of example), coming home everynight and bringing money back to family and what he does outside dosent matter. But to some, it could be no affairs, loving father and etc then considered clear conscience. So.... yeah.... So the key is, what level are you at. Too high and you may appear to be too rigid (just my own opinion), too low, you are not an acceptable human being. Everything is relative. No hard and fast rule. And it is an intangible. cannot be measured. Thats why moral and ethics, are not part of our law.
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shearer
Active Member
Eh, talking about MCs, I need some advice. I have this fren who is a HR staff in MINDEF. As we all know, civil servants survive on tax payers $$... this fren of mine is 5 months into her pregnancy. .. but she has been taking MCs freely, even had to cheek to share that after her delivery she will take 1 year no pay leave. She is confident that come one year later, she can still transfer to another department. .. I really really wanna report her.. basket... civil servant taking things for granted
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
ya, that why i post the image which very clear explain it all...
conscience is something that you must understand yourself and determine yourself, how much kindness you have, how much realization you have.
and you are right, some people just dont have conscience. so whatever said also pointless *shrug*
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
all government bodies is like tat...
you can take XX yrs unpaid leave to take care of your family or children, the government will not sack you.
like my cousin who is a lecturer, she took few yrs unpaid leave.
hey daman,
i m borrowing your way of addressing someone. hope u like it.
frankly, i m rather concern in the few posts that you have contributed.
yes, this is a forum, and you are entitled to give your opinion. However,
there are members here who are innocent and some even gullible. They come here
to seek advice and help. a wrong advice could cause immense damage to that person's
future life.
as i said, i m very concern in the few posts that you have contributed. i strongly disagree
a few things that you have mention and i seek your clarification.
u posted :
"......no one should take a relationship for granted and should take the time to know someone well before getting married. I think that is the key. Lots of guys I know, do not show their actual side until the paper is signed and the ship has sailed. Everything will only start showing after marriage. Btw, I think you need close to 3 years at least to know someone well before commiting"
why cant one married first then get to know the other half well in order to have a blissful marriage?
how to know you have know a person well and how much is considered know well enough?
do people change? u mentioned that overtime people change, if so, knowing a person well before
help in this premise? (you sound contradicting)
u posted:
".......So you withnessed a robbery and didnt report. The man who committed the crime, is at fault. You think you are not? You are abetting a crime. Everyone plays a part, albeit small or big if you are a party to it. I guess it is hard for the wife/ ex-wife to agree. Reason being they felt they contributed to the household and gave sacrifices to the household. Some men are really F**k**s i agree, but what i am saying is. wives need to negotiate slogging terms even before the beginning of the marriage. Finally, i know i am going to sound like a pr**k if i say this. Dun slog for the wrong man. If you made the wrong choice in the beginning, you cant expect the fairy tale ending 90% of the time."
witnessing a crime but did not report can be due to various legitimate reasons.
it does not contribute to abetting the crime. at most if reason is not legitimate
it constitutes to withholding information relating to a crime, which is totally a different
offence from abetting.
why do wives need to "negotiate" slogging terms even before marriage?
what is the purpose of this and how can it help in a marriage?
what will be the consequences if this is not done?
what happens if it is agreed but breached later?
can slogging terms be breached? how to make sure that promise is safeguarded?
if it cant be protected, then what is the point to start it in the first place?
how to know a wrong choice is made in the beginning when nothing when wrong?
one expect "a fairy tale" ending is bcos the choice in the beginning is deemed right.
so, how to gauge whether the choice in the beginning is wrong or things went wrong later on?
how is it so that even if your so-call wrong choice in the beginning is a correct theory, the ending
of 90% cases will not be a pleasant one?
you also posted :
".......On the ways to "solve" a problem. Please let me explain. I am saying there are many ways to solve it and cheating is not even a method. But nonetheless used by men all the time. You get it? I disagree with the methods of my own kind, but that it just how the world is."
cheating spouse does not only implied to men. women cheat too.
which own kind are you referring to? men?
is cheating a method used by men all the time? or is it really how the
world is? are you referring to your world, my world, the world at large?
is this factual? any proof to substantiate?
overall, i think you are a polite boy and are just trying to extend your help.
i do hope you are genuine as there are people who come here for hidden agenda.
However, my concerns are that you sound not only shallow but also discriminates
all the ladies here. particularly, you do not understand we ladies, how we think
and what we mean when we say certain things. you have got into unnecessary
insulting innuendos especially to ms pixie and that is totally not exemplary.
hey daman,
i am not a mediator here, neither am i a controller in this forum. you may feel that this is
a forum and you can spout what you want, but i want to remind you that this is not a
playground. you are dealing with people's life. if you find no responsibility in whatever you
post and adopt that "whoever dont like can dont heed my advise" attitude, i suggest you keep
your advise to yourself.
you post : ".....otherwise, I will advise, better to move on. Basically it is
extremely hard for a post affair marriage to work. This is from the men's point of view."
this is totally absurd and unacceptable. whichever men has this POV is not matured enough
to deal with issues here. who still go for marraige counselling if that is the case? your this advise
crashes the hope of those trying hard to reconcile and you are ruining their lives. you had fun?
last but not least, i would like you to know that there are people out there who are very vulnerable
at this very same time when you are reading this post. they are here looking for the right answer to move
on in life, so please be mindful about your own capacity and gives only sound advice if you can.
you have to be responsible to what you say.
good day.
i m borrowing your way of addressing someone. hope u like it.
frankly, i m rather concern in the few posts that you have contributed.
yes, this is a forum, and you are entitled to give your opinion. However,
there are members here who are innocent and some even gullible. They come here
to seek advice and help. a wrong advice could cause immense damage to that person's
future life.
as i said, i m very concern in the few posts that you have contributed. i strongly disagree
a few things that you have mention and i seek your clarification.
u posted :
"......no one should take a relationship for granted and should take the time to know someone well before getting married. I think that is the key. Lots of guys I know, do not show their actual side until the paper is signed and the ship has sailed. Everything will only start showing after marriage. Btw, I think you need close to 3 years at least to know someone well before commiting"
why cant one married first then get to know the other half well in order to have a blissful marriage?
how to know you have know a person well and how much is considered know well enough?
do people change? u mentioned that overtime people change, if so, knowing a person well before
help in this premise? (you sound contradicting)
u posted:
".......So you withnessed a robbery and didnt report. The man who committed the crime, is at fault. You think you are not? You are abetting a crime. Everyone plays a part, albeit small or big if you are a party to it. I guess it is hard for the wife/ ex-wife to agree. Reason being they felt they contributed to the household and gave sacrifices to the household. Some men are really F**k**s i agree, but what i am saying is. wives need to negotiate slogging terms even before the beginning of the marriage. Finally, i know i am going to sound like a pr**k if i say this. Dun slog for the wrong man. If you made the wrong choice in the beginning, you cant expect the fairy tale ending 90% of the time."
witnessing a crime but did not report can be due to various legitimate reasons.
it does not contribute to abetting the crime. at most if reason is not legitimate
it constitutes to withholding information relating to a crime, which is totally a different
offence from abetting.
why do wives need to "negotiate" slogging terms even before marriage?
what is the purpose of this and how can it help in a marriage?
what will be the consequences if this is not done?
what happens if it is agreed but breached later?
can slogging terms be breached? how to make sure that promise is safeguarded?
if it cant be protected, then what is the point to start it in the first place?
how to know a wrong choice is made in the beginning when nothing when wrong?
one expect "a fairy tale" ending is bcos the choice in the beginning is deemed right.
so, how to gauge whether the choice in the beginning is wrong or things went wrong later on?
how is it so that even if your so-call wrong choice in the beginning is a correct theory, the ending
of 90% cases will not be a pleasant one?
you also posted :
".......On the ways to "solve" a problem. Please let me explain. I am saying there are many ways to solve it and cheating is not even a method. But nonetheless used by men all the time. You get it? I disagree with the methods of my own kind, but that it just how the world is."
cheating spouse does not only implied to men. women cheat too.
which own kind are you referring to? men?
is cheating a method used by men all the time? or is it really how the
world is? are you referring to your world, my world, the world at large?
is this factual? any proof to substantiate?
overall, i think you are a polite boy and are just trying to extend your help.
i do hope you are genuine as there are people who come here for hidden agenda.
However, my concerns are that you sound not only shallow but also discriminates
all the ladies here. particularly, you do not understand we ladies, how we think
and what we mean when we say certain things. you have got into unnecessary
insulting innuendos especially to ms pixie and that is totally not exemplary.
hey daman,
i am not a mediator here, neither am i a controller in this forum. you may feel that this is
a forum and you can spout what you want, but i want to remind you that this is not a
playground. you are dealing with people's life. if you find no responsibility in whatever you
post and adopt that "whoever dont like can dont heed my advise" attitude, i suggest you keep
your advise to yourself.
you post : ".....otherwise, I will advise, better to move on. Basically it is
extremely hard for a post affair marriage to work. This is from the men's point of view."
this is totally absurd and unacceptable. whichever men has this POV is not matured enough
to deal with issues here. who still go for marraige counselling if that is the case? your this advise
crashes the hope of those trying hard to reconcile and you are ruining their lives. you had fun?
last but not least, i would like you to know that there are people out there who are very vulnerable
at this very same time when you are reading this post. they are here looking for the right answer to move
on in life, so please be mindful about your own capacity and gives only sound advice if you can.
you have to be responsible to what you say.
good day.
shearer
Active Member
Wendy Wendy, thats y I said, this is a forum. We dun look for serious answers in a forum... look around you. Those high profile high fliers ladies. Do they frequent forums? No. Those VPs, Directors, you think they have the time to sit down surf forums read questions and give advice? Duh...
Its left to normal ladies like us, such forums. ..
Same goes for guys...
Dun expect high quality answers here...
Its left to normal ladies like us, such forums. ..
Same goes for guys...
Dun expect high quality answers here...
shearer
Active Member
That time during a wedding event. I spoke to a few new met frens. One is a bank VP, another is a Senior Manager with a hedge fund.. I causally told them about my participation in this forum. .. omg... They were like, huh.... awkward silence. .. such forums aint for high fliers...