Cheated Spouse

Sadly probably because he wants the best of both worlds.

Taitai,
My situation is almost like yours too and I am staying on this because of my kids. The only difference is that my hubby's gf is the same one for 8yrs. She can control him better than me in a way, he dare not stray or else he will be in deep shit. They are underground relationship as that woman is married too but not on good terms with her hubby. From what I know, that woman sleep separate room. I read it from some of their message. As the woman ask my hubby if she should divorce but my hubby never reply.. Not too sure why but my hubby wanted to keep this family but hurt me everytime.
 


Sadly probably because he wants the best of both worlds.
I guess so too.... But I am seriously tired already. But my kids know a bit about this woman and sometime they saw his text and told me. I try to act brave in front of them and didn't say bad thing about him. But I did warn him that if he ever message that woman or bring my kids out when that woman is around, it will be hell for him. So far he respect that.
We are like tenant relationship, no fight no quarrel. I close my eyes as long as he is paying the necessary like maid, grocery, etc and a bit of their tuition fees. But I am getting sick of my life now. I am only 35 and I wonder how many 10years I can tolerate.
 
How old are your kids?

I guess so too.... But I am seriously tired already. But my kids know a bit about this woman and sometime they saw his text and told me. I try to act brave in front of them and didn't say bad thing about him. But I did warn him that if he ever message that woman or bring my kids out when that woman is around, it will be hell for him. So far he respect that.
We are like tenant relationship, no fight no quarrel. I close my eyes as long as he is paying the necessary like maid, grocery, etc and a bit of their tuition fees. But I am getting sick of my life now. I am only 35 and I wonder how many 10years I can tolerate.
 
Hi

I would like to share that it is always tough for a women when the irresponsible husband always want the best of both worlds. My current spouse is one good example.
His heart is entirely away with another female colleague who works together with him. Yet at the same time he is holding on to this relationship because he knows that it is impossible between them as she is only 27 single while he is 42 and married with a kid.
He knew that if this relationship is made known, both their reputation and career will be at stake. This lady is also his subordinate.

I questioned a few times if he wants to maintain and keep this family, he needs to promise to put a stop in his extraordinary tender loving care and concerns for this young lady. His reply to me was that.....
I cannot promise you that I can let go of her completely, if I'm not firm, I may hurt you AGAIN!!

I had been thinking if I should drag his time and not go through the divorce so that he can't have the freedom to go free or shoukd I just let go. Any advice anyone?
 
hi, I think if u look at it, he already give his decision, he can't let go of her.

also I feel he is the one dragging time, not you. He wan to continue to have best of both world.
 
Hi

I would like to share that it is always tough for a women when the irresponsible husband always want the best of both worlds. My current spouse is one good example.
His heart is entirely away with another female colleague who works together with him. Yet at the same time he is holding on to this relationship because he knows that it is impossible between them as she is only 27 single while he is 42 and married with a kid.
He knew that if this relationship is made known, both their reputation and career will be at stake. This lady is also his subordinate.

I questioned a few times if he wants to maintain and keep this family, he needs to promise to put a stop in his extraordinary tender loving care and concerns for this young lady. His reply to me was that.....
I cannot promise you that I can let go of her completely, if I'm not firm, I may hurt you AGAIN!!

I had been thinking if I should drag his time and not go through the divorce so that he can't have the freedom to go free or shoukd I just let go. Any advice anyone?

A man can only have the best of both worlds if the women allow him to.. You already knew about his affair and yet he didn't want to have a clean break with her. Sounds very obvious to me that he has already chosen the affair over your marriage. Don't think along the line of dragging him so that he doesn't get his freedom easily. I Understand why you feel that way because you resent him for betraying you and your marriage and thus doesn't want to grant him freedom, aka punishing him. But you are Also torturing yourself due to his mistake. I m sure you will not be happy if you punish him by dragging the marriage while he continue the affair. This will also affect your child negatively due to constant betrayal and unhappy parents.

But, should you decide to let go and proceed with divorce. Then you need to decide what kind of divorce to proceed and how to go about it so that it gives you and your child the best welfare possible.
 
Hi

Thank u. I understand he had already told me that indirectly. However it is a 15 yrs marriage. Letting go is hard but in reality...he had already made it clear in his mind..
Lots of factor to consider..
How m i going to start all over again myself. I have child who is 10. Will my child listen to me as he is quite stubborn and is only afraid of the dad.
How to let go of a relationship of 15 years..
Yup!! I know...it's sooo many worries plus concerns..
 
Jo_Lim

Hugs hugs ... i had to learn let go of 25yr marriage...same like u ... moving on in unchartered waters was like trying to figure out my own purpose when i put all my years n time on the marriage ... i understand. ... i cried months till i lost my job n hv to pinch myself each morning to find a purpose.

You are not alone ..hugs hugs. Be brave n be strong ...stepping out is difficult but once you made the first step , 2nd step is easier n the 3rd step n then 4th step ...n keep moving on.

God bless...be strong
 
If u think that way? What will happen if he file against you. Then what will happen?
Now maybe he too into his relationship to fight custody if next time, he wan to fight custody, u able to win?
 
Hi

Thank u. I understand he had already told me that indirectly. However it is a 15 yrs marriage. Letting go is hard but in reality...he had already made it clear in his mind..
Lots of factor to consider..
How m i going to start all over again myself. I have child who is 10. Will my child listen to me as he is quite stubborn and is only afraid of the dad.
How to let go of a relationship of 15 years..
Yup!! I know...it's sooo many worries plus concerns..

Yup totally understand 15 years of relationship. Take your time to come to terms with his selfish behaviour, take your time to mourn the loss of your relationship and accept that he has moved on emotionally with someone else, then learn to love yourself more by taking good care of yourself (who knows, you might get to know someone else in future?) Ultimately, you can't clap with one hand. It's understandle that it's tough to give up after so many years, but what can you do if the other party has already given up? The next you can do is heal yourself from the betrayal and on practical side, secure yourself financially and move on.

Any idea why your child is afraid of your hubby only? It's tough to bring up a child. Btw, I don't think it's about "afraid". To let your child listen, I think it's more like setting example and being reasonable. He is 10, yes he is afraid of your hubby now. Do you think he will be afraid of your hubby when he is 20? Does your child know about his daddy's affair? Maybe he is stubborn or rebellious because he is unhappy, as he can sense that his parents are unhappy and not loving? Kids can feel it when their parents are not loving and they don't directly say out their unhappiness and may present it with attitude problems. Maybe he only listens to the dad because dad is bigger size, dad is fierce, dad will physically punish him? If that's the case, it's not going to work in the Long term also. But I do suggest that you should work on your child. Show him lotsa love and provide him lotsa assurance that you love him and will protect him all the way. Don't bad mouth your hubby and explain to him that daddy has someone else (provided your child already knew about the daddy affair) and mummy has to be separated but mummy is always here with you and daddy is still your daddy etc.

Yes you have a lot of things to consider. But definitely dragging on when your hubby has chosen the affair is not a wise choice. Are you financially independent? Is your hubby earning enough to be able to pay you alimony and sufficient maintenance? Do you have good family support? How Long have you discovered the affair and do you have proofs? The way to go about divorcing depends on all these questions above.

And because your hubby is selfish right (he is afraid of his reputation and thus hold on to this marriage, uncaring about your hurt and yet wants to continue his romance), who knows. Maybe after you finally decide to divorce, he "wakes up" and realise that he can't have the best of both worlds and his romance bubble will burst!
 
Hi
No, I had not file for the divorce yet. I had went to the lawyer but am holding on now. I guessed it is becos i m afraid of changes even though I m working . This had affected me badly and I can't concentrate properly at work and lost lots of weight too. I know I should take it as of now and move forward but it's just so tough.it had been a year plus.
How can a man just let go of a family of 15 years just because of a young girl whom he had thought he likes in just a few months. Thinking of that, I do tear apart but yet I know I should not.
Women are so vulnerable at times.
 
Yup totally understand 15 years of relationship. Take your time to come to terms with his selfish behaviour, take your time to mourn the loss of your relationship and accept that he has moved on emotionally with someone else, then learn to love yourself more by taking good care of yourself (who knows, you might get to know someone else in future?) Ultimately, you can't clap with one hand. It's understandle that it's tough to give up after so many years, but what can you do if the other party has already given up? The next you can do is heal yourself from the betrayal and on practical side, secure yourself financially and move on.

Any idea why your child is afraid of your hubby only? It's tough to bring up a child. Btw, I don't think it's about "afraid". To let your child listen, I think it's more like setting example and being reasonable. He is 10, yes he is afraid of your hubby now. Do you think he will be afraid of your hubby when he is 20? Does your child know about his daddy's affair? Maybe he is stubborn or rebellious because he is unhappy, as he can sense that his parents are unhappy and not loving? Kids can feel it when their parents are not loving and they don't directly say out their unhappiness and may present it with attitude problems. Maybe he only listens to the dad because dad is bigger size, dad is fierce, dad will physically punish him? If that's the case, it's not going to work in the Long term also. But I do suggest that you should work on your child. Show him lotsa love and provide him lotsa assurance that you love him and will protect him all the way. Don't bad mouth your hubby and explain to him that daddy has someone else (provided your child already knew about the daddy affair) and mummy has to be separated but mummy is always here with you and daddy is still your daddy etc.

Yes you have a lot of things to consider. But definitely dragging on when your hubby has chosen the affair is not a wise choice. Are you financially independent? Is your hubby earning enough to be able to pay you alimony and sufficient maintenance? Do you have good family support? How Long have you discovered the affair and do you have proofs? The way to go about divorcing depends on all these questions above.

And because your hubby is selfish right (he is afraid of his reputation and thus hold on to this marriage, uncaring about your hurt and yet wants to continue his romance), who knows. Maybe after you finally decide to divorce, he "wakes up" and realise that he can't have the best of both worlds and his romance bubble will burst!
 
Hi..
Thank u so much for your encouragement. It feels so good to have someone to listen to u and share ur pains with.
Really appreciate ur words.
 
Hi
No, I had not file for the divorce yet. I had went to the lawyer but am holding on now. I guessed it is becos i m afraid of changes even though I m working . This had affected me badly and I can't concentrate properly at work and lost lots of weight too. I know I should take it as of now and move forward but it's just so tough.it had been a year plus.
How can a man just let go of a family of 15 years just because of a young girl whom he had thought he likes in just a few months. Thinking of that, I do tear apart but yet I know I should not.
Women are so vulnerable at times.

May i know you already went to the lawyer, does that means that you have more than sufficient evidences to prove his adultery? If i remember correctly, the evidences only last for six months prior to fighting the case.
 
Yes. I did went to the lawyer to consult and asked get the lawyer to draft the papers under unreasonable behaviour. Because he had been close to the gal and fetching her to and fro to work every day and even buy her gifts etc. He had also texted vulgarity languages to me when I questioned him. I had these in my messages.
However, like what I said. I had been hesitating noe because of my heart.
I know exactly there is no turning back for him yet I still waited....I hope to be firm and moved on as well.......
 
Yes. I did went to the lawyer to consult and asked get the lawyer to draft the papers under unreasonable behaviour. Because he had been close to the gal and fetching her to and fro to work every day and even buy her gifts etc. He had also texted vulgarity languages to me when I questioned him. I had these in my messages.
However, like what I said. I had been hesitating noe because of my heart.
I know exactly there is no turning back for him yet I still waited....I hope to be firm and moved on as well.......

The reason why I am asking because you may want to consider taking another approach since you are determine to salvage the marriage. This will probably be your last approach.

Retrieve the girl's contact number and call her up directly when your husband is not around her. Give her an unexpected call to educate her in her mess. She will loses her balances once she picks up the call. The younger generation are very reckless in their behaviors. And you have to be watchful of your languages. Talk to her nicely. It is easier to intercept since their relationship only few months old. That still doesn't determine it will be your husband's last affair.

The consequences will be your husband to blow up upon knowing what you did. That is why if your husband takes the ruthless approach on you, you have all your background work prepared for the worst. (if your husband lays a finger or slap on you, consult a doctor with a medicate certificate and indicate to the doctor it is from your husband) On top of that, your lawyer must be very confident to win this case if necessary. And the rest will be history.

I wish you well in your family matters. :)
 
Hi
Approaching the women does not work at all.
I had texted her once and told her nicely that all these behavioursecretive are wrong. She went to him and end up i had a big fight with the spouse due to this.
 
Hi
Approaching the women does not work at all.
I had texted her once and told her nicely that all these behavioursecretive are wrong. She went to him and end up i had a big fight with the spouse due to this.
Well. Seems to me that your hubby is not repentant and totally disregard your feelings. Let him immerse in this romance then! If it's still within 6 months after your discovery, file for divorce under adultery! If sufficient prove, he can't contest. Talk to your lawyer first, if need more proof then hire PI to follow. If can catch them holding hands, kissing and check in to hotel etc, I think it's sufficient proof already. Under adultery he can't contest and easier for you to fight for more alimony and maintenance. Once proven adultery, you can request him to pay for the PI fees also!

From your hubby behaviour, I highly likely feel that sooner or later he will suffer the consequences of his own actions. You don't need to do anything just wait and see:

1) girl still young might dump him in future and he finally understands how shitty it is to be abandoned
2) they got serious and got married, more problem appear and he finally realised that marriage is more about commitment, it doesn't survive on romance! Romance is only the initial sparks you get when u meet someone at the start. They might end up divorcing also.
3) either of them got into another affair (since they are ok with having affairs Now, I don't see why they won't be ok with having affairs with others in future) and things turned ugly.
4) other colleagues start to realise their affair and they spoiled their reputations or may end up getting fired too.

Take care of yourself for now and live better than them. They are digging their own graves actually. Not your fault!
 
Hi
Approaching the women does not work at all.
I had texted her once and told her nicely that all these behavioursecretive are wrong. She went to him and end up i had a big fight with the spouse due to this.

It seems the woman is either out to destroy people's marriages or your husband is defending her aggressively. Kind people deserved to be happy. As of now, your job will have to become your priority. You need to have the means to prove and to look after your kid.

And since the whole matter is not within your control, let's hope there could be a twist of fate. I am just so speechless at how many men out there could be so abusive to their wives. Of all the extramarital affairs I had witnessed, not even one turned blissful. It is only a matter of time before the rock hits on them.

Please take care and stay on top of stress. :)
 
Well. Seems to me that your hubby is not repentant and totally disregard your feelings. Let him immerse in this romance then! If it's still within 6 months after your discovery, file for divorce under adultery! If sufficient prove, he can't contest. Talk to your lawyer first, if need more proof then hire PI to follow. If can catch them holding hands, kissing and check in to hotel etc, I think it's sufficient proof already. Under adultery he can't contest and easier for you to fight for more alimony and maintenance. Once proven adultery, you can request him to pay for the PI fees also!

From your hubby behaviour, I highly likely feel that sooner or later he will suffer the consequences of his own actions. You don't need to do anything just wait and see:

1) girl still young might dump him in future and he finally understands how shitty it is to be abandoned
2) they got serious and got married, more problem appear and he finally realised that marriage is more about commitment, it doesn't survive on romance! Romance is only the initial sparks you get when u meet someone at the start. They might end up divorcing also.
3) either of them got into another affair (since they are ok with having affairs Now, I don't see why they won't be ok with having affairs with others in future) and things turned ugly.
4) other colleagues start to realise their affair and they spoiled their reputations or may end up getting fired too.

Take care of yourself for now and live better than them. They are digging their own graves actually. Not your fault!
Thanks. What u said really make sense.
Not sure ...but like u said, hopefully I can just sit and see their consequences.
The gal is a singaporean not even a foreigner. A local graduate somemore.
I really dun understand.
 
Thanks. What u said really make sense.
Not sure ...but like u said, hopefully I can just sit and see their consequences.
The gal is a singaporean not even a foreigner. A local graduate somemore.
I really dun understand.
Whether graduate or whatever education level doesn't reflect a person's character or values or principles. And sometimes. Even good character people will, in a moment of folly, make mistakes. Your Husband is 41, he is supposed to be mature and hence keep his promise to be faithful to you as a spouse. He is a colleague and of higher authority to that young lady, he is supposed to be professional in his job and not get into romance. He is a Father, he is supposed to provide your Son a secure family. He is a Son to his own Mother, if he doesnt like his Mother being betrayed or cheated by his Father, he shouldn't do this to another woman too.

You never know how your Husband will react once you filed for divorce (of course, not in a rash, think through, if you have expressed your willingness to continue this marriage with him, provided he cut ties with the lady but yet he still refuse, then plan wisely and go ahead with the divorce). There are people out there who won't stop abusing their other halves until they are given an ultimatum (realising that their spouses are not going to wait for them to end their fantasies and are serious about leaving them and they have to pay alimonies and maintenance etc). Who knows, when he realises he is really going towards divorce and going to lose you and the current stable life he has been enjoying, after weighing the pros and cons, chicken out on the affair and plead for you to go back to him?

I feel that both of them are enjoying their fantasies (young girl feels flattered that her senior is attracted to her, likes being treated with love and attention and gifts, enjoys the assistance And special treatment from him at work, she is capable of making a married man like her) (your Husband is flattered that at the age of 41, he can still attract young gal, his ego is boosted when he can make a young gal happy, buy gifts for her, his life is less boring with a romance going on, his mind is not stress and enjoying the freedom of romance because he doesn't share a commitment with her) They both know a marital affair is wrong but out of personal selfish thoughts, they chose to do it. Your hubby is riding on your trust and love for him. He doesn't deserve it
 
Hi Kopi Lim

Really good to hear from you this.
Yes, the gal is absolutely wrong to accept all these fantasy gifts and attention from him. He, as a married man with kid and a boss is even more wrong to shower her with all there attention and privileges.
All these are just wrong. I had tons of arguments and fights with him on this wrong behaviour of theirs. Yet, it does not help and even bring them closer. I m really speechless.
 
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Sonetimes it's good to really hear from other people to know that what u decide is rite and you should move on.
At times, I m so unsure if I should still wait endlessly for miracle and endure or should I just let go.
Hearing from others really helps me to be more firm that what I thought is logical and right and I should really brave on and live on with my son.
Thank you
 
Most importantly, I must accept the fact that once a person heart goes to someone else. There is no point to keep the person with you and suffer in silence.
I had been very emotional and stressed mentally for a year. This thing had really drained me out totally.
Finally, I decided to spilt it out in this forum.
It is absolutely good to hear from all of you. It does lighten me in my thoughts and stress.
 
Most importantly, I must accept the fact that once a person heart goes to someone else. There is no point to keep the person with you and suffer in silence.
I had been very emotional and stressed mentally for a year. This thing had really drained me out totally.
Finally, I decided to spilt it out in this forum.
It is absolutely good to hear from all of you. It does lighten me in my thoughts and stress.
Of course jo Lim. As Long as your decision is not a rash one, if you think it through, give it time, tried to salvage but failed but no regrets since u tried, prepared mentally, physically, financially, gotten a lawyer's perspective. I think you can move on. But remember you must take care of your son's well being and make sure you get care and control of your child. I think the most innocent party is your boy. You might need to explain to him calmly that Dady and mummy need to separate. But remember you cannot bad mouth your hubby and if he doesn't know of the affair, spare him the Agony of knowing.

If you are close to your family, don't hesitate to get some family support in terms of taking care of your Son when you are working etc. But my advice is that, in case third parties like your extended family may bad mouth your hubby, also don't disclose the reason to them bah. You can don't badmouthing, but you can't prevent others from doing that and if they talk bad about your hubby to your child, your child will be hurt.

I believe that the last kindness you can extend to your unkind hubby is to set him free, not bad mouth him and Also not tarnish his image in front of your child. Most of the relationships from marital affairs usually will fail when things get serious. It flourished based on forbidden thrill, lying and deceits to spouse, no tough issues to face together and no tough commitments. I think highly likely when the thrill of forbidden love is gone, when they get older, when they see more of each other's flaws and when commitment sets in, either the Romance will be killed or one starts to not trust the other since they begin the relationship by breaking others trust. What makes the lady think that your hubby won't do the same thing to her when he can do this to you? Usually people are foolish, they always want to believe that they are special, the general rules don't apply to them. Same thing with your hubby, what makes him think that this woman will stay with him and be truthful to him forever since obviously he is much older than her and she definitely still has market value to know more guys. What makes him think that she will not get bored, take him for granted or simply knowing other more charming guy in future and want to leave him?

You just focus on your Son and your well being will do. Live well and be happy, live with no regrets.
 
Yes..thank you.
My son is my top priority now. I will not give him.the care and control.
My son is aware of his relationship. But I did told my son before, no matter what..he is still your father and he sure loves you.
Just that we need to be separated now but I will love u and care for u.
My son seems ok. And I will try my best to shower him with more love.
As for the both of them, I have nothing much to say about them since both knows that it is wrong. Especially the young lady. I had even texted her politely before.
Like u said, she definitely enjoy the attention love and privileges from.her boss!
Her fantasy is causing a family to be broken. But then again, it takes both hands to clap. He definitely plays a part too.
I must learn to appreciate myself andI live well. I was in depression for awhile asince I could not let go initially.
 
Yes..thank you.
My son is my top priority now. I will not give him.the care and control.
My son is aware of his relationship. But I did told my son before, no matter what..he is still your father and he sure loves you.
Just that we need to be separated now but I will love u and care for u.
My son seems ok. And I will try my best to shower him with more love.
As for the both of them, I have nothing much to say about them since both knows that it is wrong. Especially the young lady. I had even texted her politely before.
Like u said, she definitely enjoy the attention love and privileges from.her boss!
Her fantasy is causing a family to be broken. But then again, it takes both hands to clap. He definitely plays a part too.
I must learn to appreciate myself andI live well. I was in depression for awhile asince I could not let go initially.
Hi Jo lim,

Reading ur post kinda reminded me abt my own encounter.. my ex also fall for his coworker, he was 35 and she's only 21. We have 3 kids and oldest was only 10yr old now. Same the kids also more afraid of him as he is very stern and fierce towards them. I choose to talk to the woman and got back fired badly..she told me he give her money on regular basis and when confronted she denied and he choose to believe her..even though there's no reason for me to lie abt that and he should know more than anyone if he really did give her money..he told me she will never told me those things. 10 yrs of marriage and I become a lier over night to him..

Finally i filed for separation..initially i still hope that maybe by doing so we still can be together after she and the girl break...but im wrong he a total changed person now the way he treated me and the children is different. He no longer spend time with the kids, even just once a week on Sunday he told the kids that he need to rush home to do housework..he only came at 1pm and will need to be off by 3pm..he never call the children on normal days, no message or anything despite he promised to stay the same for the kids..All these behaviour had make me look down on this guy..who used to shout at me and the kids becoming so scared of his mistress..so scare that she will get angry if he's late...

After he left I also start to be more independent, bringing the kids our alone, helping them when homework and of cuz taking up the cane to be the discipline Master role at home. Is really not easy but I'm glad my kids are getting use to it we have also become closer..
 
Hi Spilt
Thanks for sharing.
Good to know that you are coping and doing well now.
I hope that i can be strong as well. I know that it is going to be tough to educate my son and bring him up in this journey.
However, I had tried everything and end of the day when a person is not remorseful at all and take you for granted..I have to ask myself to put a stop to it now and move on.

Will try to live well myself and hope to move on positively.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement.
 
Hi Jo lim,

Reading ur post kinda reminded me abt my own encounter.. my ex also fall for his coworker, he was 35 and she's only 21. We have 3 kids and oldest was only 10yr old now. Same the kids also more afraid of him as he is very stern and fierce towards them. I choose to talk to the woman and got back fired badly..she told me he give her money on regular basis and when confronted she denied and he choose to believe her..even though there's no reason for me to lie abt that and he should know more than anyone if he really did give her money..he told me she will never told me those things. 10 yrs of marriage and I become a lier over night to him..

Finally i filed for separation..initially i still hope that maybe by doing so we still can be together after she and the girl break...but im wrong he a total changed person now the way he treated me and the children is different. He no longer spend time with the kids, even just once a week on Sunday he told the kids that he need to rush home to do housework..he only came at 1pm and will need to be off by 3pm..he never call the children on normal days, no message or anything despite he promised to stay the same for the kids..All these behaviour had make me look down on this guy..who used to shout at me and the kids becoming so scared of his mistress..so scare that she will get angry if he's late...

After he left I also start to be more independent, bringing the kids our alone, helping them when homework and of cuz taking up the cane to be the discipline Master role at home. Is really not easy but I'm glad my kids are getting use to it we have also become closer..

How Long has it been since you divorce? Is your ex paying the maintenance and alimony consistently? When the Mistress become the spouse, it becomes her turn to get jealous and insecure of her own Husband having to visit another woman (ex Wife) and his children. Because this Husband of hers has a record of being unfaithful and strayed with her then right, I bet she, herself is now afraid of him straying again and has to controll him a lot. How can she be happy when she's so insecure right? And I bet your ex secretly regrets his losing of freedom and relationship with his children by divorcing you. When he is married to you, he has the freedom and instead of being thankful, he strayed. Now he must be suffering from the restrictions set by his current Wife. Do they have kids now? Hmm trust me, he is suffering.
 
:)
I guess whatever they are in future has nothing to do with me.
Best not to know or find our anything about him and her if I have decided to move on.
 
Thanks.
Yes, guess time with heal and help..
Just have to be brave..move on and forget about him.
Wish the both of them *best of luck*
 
Hi
Thanks for asking. The lawyer had drafted out a copy of the divorce document for my review. I am filing for a direct divorce instead of separation. Hence, all the unreasonable behaviours of his had been clearly stated in the doc. Now my challenge is getting him to sign on it because it is very direct on the doc and given his ego and pride, I m sure he will not sign on it.
Also, he does not contribute to the monthly expenses at home. Now for the kids alimony, I requested for 2K. Am sure he will not agree too.

Sigh

Joanne
 
Hi

Thank you very much for asking. Things did not turn out better.
He did not reply to my lawyer at all.
I was too pissed, I texted him and ask what's now
He got the cheek to ask him if I m still giving him time.
I knew in my heart this is crap, I asked him purposly, what kind of time are you looking at and what can you do and what promises you can give me. Guess what..
His reply exactly in this " I also don't want you to feel sad and stress bcos of work, I can't stop every activities now" " As I have said. We just like each other company" "I cannot stop my activities now"

His activities meaning sending to daily and having meals.
I was so infuriated. This guy is crap. Got tge cheek to ask me to wait and say this.

Then he continued *It's okay. I can't promise how long and make you wait* when I told him he is selfish.

I called my lawyer Immediately. Told her that I want to accelerate the process. Ask them to give him tI'll this Friday to revert on his lawyer contacts or how he wants to work it out. Else, I will bring it to court.

Sorry..guess I complained toof much
 
Hi friend,

He had finally agreeded to go down to the lawyer to negotiate on the terms.
I am sure he will ask for a much lower child maintenance fee and a half half spilt of the flat.
Guess still a long process from here.
 
Thank you.
Not sure how long more but ...
Yes...it does feel terrible..especially as a victim and having a spouse who does not even feel remorseful and at fault.
And continue with his activities and at the same time still staying in the house.

You are right. I have to live well.
Takes time for the whole healing process, I will persevere.

Thank u
 
can sense that you're a very kind person... perhaps your hubby got married young, never had much exposure to other women, so when a young lady comes along, making him feel superior, he got swept away..

Don't forget you are protected by women's charter. Claim from him, you see when he's old and broke, the other woman still want him or not.
 
Thanks.

Yup. Perhaps we married too young
He was only 26 back then.
However, I m just disappointed that after a good 15 years of our marriage, a person can just changed drastically to become so heartless and cruel.
Despite me giving him tons of chances to repent in his behavior. End of the day, the fault was point back to me.
Ironically, as much as I am angry and infuriated with his actions, at times I still hope that he will realised his mistakes and what he had done and said had caused a good family to break up and a wife who had went through amd stand by him during the tough times when we were younger.
Now, it's a good time to wake up , heal and get over him. Takes times but still better to recognize a person's true colours now than later.
A 15 yrs vs 6 months feelings.
He had just went too far and TOO much with no sense of remorse.
Same goes to the other young party whom I had even texted her before that what they were doing were wrong.
It just takes two hands to clap.

At times, I even thought of wanting to make their relationship open to the company so that the colleagues knew about this Manager and subordinate relationship and tarnish their reputation.
However, I did not.

What goes around comes around. Not sure if such exist but...hope it goes to them to make them realise the kind of pain and damage they had caused to me, my boy and the family.
 
Hi rostrun1

YES!! It's the same feeling.
Especially when u see him around the house with the phone stick with him 24X7. Always texting, especially in the bathroom.
It just irritates me and causes the anger in me. I have a stressful job too, I do hope that I will not breakdown due to such person.not worth it!

I try my best..i need to be stronger and live well.
 
Jo_Lim,

I totally feel you.

My marriage lasted 17 years. I know him when I was only 19 yo. On that fateful day when I found out about his 3 month affair with the PRC nightclub woman, he turn around and tell me he no longer has any feelings for me. My whole world seems crashing down.

I always thought we have a happy marriage with 3 kids. I admitted that I neglected him when the kids came along as they are very small and requires my attention n moreover I was holding a very stressful full time job. I always thought I have committed so much for this family and my husband will be understanding but I was so wrong.

2014 to 2015 are 2 painful years for me. Looking back, I have learnt to be independent, stronger. I wouldn't dare to say I am happier now but at least I do not need to see him around at home constantly texting the woman and bringing the handphone with him whereever he goes especially to the bathroom. It is just so irritating and frustating with so much doubts.

Now I just want to bring this divorce to a closure, move on with my life and concentrate in raising up my 3 kids. It is going to be tough but I just have to suck it up and be strong no matter for the kids.

We women are v strong creatures so we defintely can survive. Jia you!


There's a reason why women are the ones who bear children. Its because we have a higher tolerance for pain as compared to men :) yes, you can not just survive, but thrive and live life as a stronger, independent woman . jiayou !!
 
Thank you.
Thank God that I am working and I have a main focus: that is to bring good up my son.
My family is supportive, they see me gong through this painful process. They are supportive of me leaving G this marriage instead of hanging on there miserably waiting and waiting yet being taken granted for.

Just curious, how much time does it take for you gals to grieve over and did you keep yourselves very busy and occupied to forget about the pain?
 


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