Am I being too silly?

[johntan68]

Hi all,

I'm a guy and currently having a rocky marriage. Wife is filing for divorce, I admitted that I was bad temper previously and have been changing and continue to change to be better person. However wife feels that I'm not godly as I don't do quiet time. And she finds that a person that didn't draw close to God will never change despite the fact the im changing.

Anyway long short, I'm buying over her share in this current house(btw she only contribute 18% while I contribute 82%) In which she will get a pay out of $500k. However she asked me to top up additional $150k, in which I will pay her a total of $650k, plus her saving and cpf, it will be enough for her to buy another condo to stay with my boy. For the sake for mother and son, I agree... Am I being too silly? Wanted to her opinion from ladies out here.

Am very confused now.

John

 

[TimeForChange]

Did you employ a divorce lawyer? Surely your assets will be split accordingly. Also, you will be paying for child support, I assume? Please seek professional advice before agreeing to anything more. I don't know about this Godly business. I myself am Agnostic. Not to say I don't believe in God. I just don't believe in religion. People are too lazy to think for themselves what is right and what is wrong so they hide behind religion. It's not rocket science to have compassion and be humane.... but that's besides the point. Sorry you are facing troubles in your marriage. Have you both tried marriage Counselling? Has she always been religious? By the way, isn't divorce frown upon by religion?

 

[johntan68]

Hi, thks for the advise.
Yes I will be paying for the child support inclusive of all his insurances etc. We have both tried counseling but she felt that my changes is not drastic enough, she probably see too many of those films that how a hardcore drugs addict become so holy etc.. and for religion, yes, it is against divorce but sometimes, it can be a double edged sword too. I personally also against divorce and will try my best to work thing out. So far, I have not a divorce lawyer, still dragging my feet, just feel that it is so heart pain that need to go thru all these...
Sometimes, I just felt that im a lousy man that going to have a broken family..

John
PS> I find comfortable in this forum that many have shares the problems they facing & overcoming it. It is very encouraging to read that one relationship improves.

 

[tiggerpooh]

Hi, thks for the advise.
Yes I will be paying for the child support inclusive of all his insurances etc. We have both tried counseling but she felt that my changes is not drastic enough, she probably see too many of those films that how a hardcore drugs addict become so holy etc.. and for religion, yes, it is against divorce but sometimes, it can be a double edged sword too. I personally also against divorce and will try my best to work thing out. So far, I have not a divorce lawyer, still dragging my feet, just feel that it is so heart pain that need to go thru all these...
Sometimes, I just felt that im a lousy man that going to have a broken family..

John
PS> I find comfortable in this forum that many have shares the problems they facing & overcoming it. It is very encouraging to read that one relationship improves.

Hi

Since both of you are church goers, have you gone through the church to mitigate the situation? It's quite a pity that one would end a marriage merely for "changes not drastic enough".

Do u guys attend any care / cell groups? Mayb both of u can sit down n talk about expectations. What is her expectations of u n whether u think u can meet hers, vice versa.

 

[Samantha Wong]

Not knowing exactly what happened, I will not be able to give an accurate view of what you should do, but the house and family will part in a way that may not be recoverable. I assume that with all the necessary steps that there is no other way except to part ways.

Do spend time with your son as he will be the most confused, but with you around and keeping to your promises to spend time with him will help him tremendously especially in the future. Cheers!

 

[icyjol]

Is divorce the only way out? No negotiation or other alternatives? Like staying separately for the time being to reflect & cool down, think about the marriage and expectations for each other, and if the expectations are reasonable.

Male and female have very different views and love language. Some things that u did and think that it is substantial may mean nothing to her. If her love language is physical touch, then obviously showing concern by asking and communicating doesn't work and give her the sense of love, but a hug does wonders. You may need to align your love language with hers. Divorce is the last resort, especially both of you have a child.

Can you have a last go to have a heart to heart talk with her to work things out? Tell her you treasure this family and her and really want to make things work. Ask for her to express herself.. like things she is not happy with, she tell you and let you know how she expect you to behave or react, then you try to improve.

 

[johntan68]

Actually have been trying to talk things out with my wife but seems that her decision is pretty firm & not willing to reconcile. But I noted all the constructive inputs that are extremely helpful to me. Till the day I get the lawyer letter from her, I will continue to try (Although I have mentally prepare this is gone case). I have also considering to get my Pastor to talk to her too.
The most heart aching thing is that when I hint to my son, he said he will follow mommy. I don't blame him cos mother love for the son is very important.....

 

[gladjo]

Hi John. .. it's really amazing u r trying to reconcile n u come to lower yr standard to her and willing to speak with a Pastor.

I know where it wife is cmg from and am representing myself in my own divorce suit ...am also a God lover so I fully understand yr wife. But what yr wife is doing is acceding to the teaching from pulpits without digesting n throwing out bones. Nobody is holy n pure that's why we all need Christ. She's been mislead.

I endured n prayed for my adulterous ex hubby for 20yrs,still praying today even though he's not a Christian.

U need someone who hv been dragged through the mud to know exactly what it's all about.

Feel free to PM me ... I'll drop in to counsel yr holy wife.

Meanwhile, on account of yr kid, stay wise... remember monkey see monkey do ...u throw anger n vurgularies n so will he do one day on You...matter of time.

God bless