We are singaporeans based in china for the past 10 yrs. For the past few yrs, my husband's attitude towards me had been lukewarm and i've attempted a few times to find out from him if there's any problem.Initially, his attitude gets slightly better but subsequently attempts to voice my frustrations fell on deaf yr. He's into computer games and I thought it's due to the addiction that's causing him to be so detached, both to myself as well as our children. Attempts to try to get intimate with him failed and i attributed it to his low drive. Never in my mind would I think that he will get into an affair. I had a rude shock during the festive season when the woman kept sending texts and called me on my mobile. We were in singapore then while she( a student in sgp) was back to china for the holiday. The contents of the texts were humiliating, some fake, some real. The main message put across is i shd withdraw from this loveless relationship, that he's staying for the children's sake.I was deeply hurt n shocked by this and confronted my husband on this. He was initially not reluctant to reveal whole truth but eventually did. She is 16yrs his junior. They met thru casual frens during drinkg session and over the span of 2 years get to know each other and he brought her on some of his business trips... The reason why the affair was eventually exposed was cos she started gettg paranoid of losing him and kept pestering him not to share the same roof as me. He couldnt take to the calls and sobbg and tried to break off with her but she threatened to expose the deed to the company and upload photos taken. He denied any indecent photos but yet was held hostage by the threats.. That's how it resulted to the vicious texts targeted at me everyday. She knew where we stayed in china and where my children studied. I was angry that our safety was possibly compromised as she'll be back in china again for 3 mths sch hol. Despite all these, he claimed that she's not into money and can tell that she really love him. I was pained by this as all this yrs, he had nvr pay attention to how i feel. Although he eventually chose us over her and plan to slowly break off with her( cool her off to minimize damage). My trust in him is gone and even though he denied that he's doing this for kids' sake, i am not reassured. Our relationship has over the yrs progressed frm rm mate to that of house mate so i knew where i stand. I been having difficulty sleeping lately as the moment i closed my eyes, i see images of them. I am very emotional lately but yet i cant breakdown in front of the kids n need to put up a brave front. He's now back to china while i postponed our trip back as i cant bear to go back w him at the moment. Today is valentine's day and i cant help but imagine the two celebratg it over there. The current plan was to bring the kids back here for gd for their education within the nxt few wks or till they finish their term in jun in china so as to ensure we are not harmed in any way. I really do not know if i can remain in the relationship as husband and wife in name only(long distance one as he will stay on for his career) for the sake of the children
or shd i ask for a divorce. I thot i can forgive and forget abt this but it seems difficult. I am also fearful of the prospect of handling thing singlehandedly when back be it divorce or not. Even though my sibling and fren had offered their support but it just isnt the same. I was a sahm since moving to china and i worry for my financial situation as well. I would really like to have some advises.
or shd i ask for a divorce. I thot i can forgive and forget abt this but it seems difficult. I am also fearful of the prospect of handling thing singlehandedly when back be it divorce or not. Even though my sibling and fren had offered their support but it just isnt the same. I was a sahm since moving to china and i worry for my financial situation as well. I would really like to have some advises.
