Advise on Baby & Maid Exps

CSI Fan,

Your maid is considered good already. Can cook and clean. Forget about her doing stuff for your kids. They will not take care of them to the same standard that we would. Afterall, they don't love our kids and it's only a job to them.

When it comes to notebooks, they rarely right down points to remember. The only thing a notebook is useful to them is to write down their grumblings about the hardship they are going through at your house and all the phone numbers they collect from other maids.

From my experience, maids will be lazy if you let them be lazy. If you re-inforce high expectations as the "norm" then if they don't meet them it's still acceptable.

For example, I am very particular about cleanliness and neatness to the point where I require the bedsheets on the bed to be tucked in with tight folded corners and the duvet to be placed exactly symmetrical on the bed amongst other things that others would find picky...but I re-inforced my standard over and over. I will even pull everything off and request a re-do (no need to complain to her, just ask her to re-do the way you request) until now it's auto and it's perfect every day. In the early days, I dun care. If she has to clean bathroom 3 times then she has to do it.

There will be those maids that just can't be bothered doing their job right and prefer to hang in their room eating snacks etc... I'll just change them.
 


So many post..

I'm so tired, being a maid.. wake up 6am, prepare my boy to school, ferry my girl to CC with bb in sling, look after bb whole day with cooking (my IL dont want to eat outside n request me to cook
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) n cleaning n washed clothes.. sleep mid-nite(nite feeding), help my 2nd girl mid nite pass urine, worst my IL treat me like maid
sad.gif


Well, I'm glad that my boy appreciate me.. he told me when having tea break at 'Ya Kun' (this is where we chat about everything, only both of us, since he was young but now hav another younger sis).. he felt so proud that I can do so many work.. cos he tried to fold his own clothes, help look after bb.. he said its not easy..

Also good without stress from previous statue maid.. my new maid coming tomorrow. She has 3weeks to make my children like her, no choice, I hav to travel for 2weeks. Pray..
 
Jo

Am sorri to hear what is happening to you...hang in there

Honestly, I wish one day I can go maidless....Notice that all maids are the same. Like my maid, after three months with me, think she is good, starts to have attitude problem....

I also noticed that I treat her abit nicer, she takes advantage....
 
hey all... juz some of my input cos aft 6, i guess i'm "qualified" to share some info! hehe...

- really cannot be too nice to maids. unfortunately sad but true. once they cross the line and be "friendly", then its the road of no return. simple things like getting food, i agak wat she needs first, then kept asking her if enough, then aft tat juz stick to that amt. my previous maid, aft relaxing when she's almost a yr w us, will take as much as she like and my parents got no food.

- no matter how much you like your maid and dislike your parents/in-laws, never side with maid in front of maid. i made tis mistake and told maid to juz "bear with " my mum's picky-ness. bad move, eventually, she "learned" to ignore my mum's instructions altogether!

- when maid not around, snoop around her stuff. sorry abt lack of privacy, but you stay in my house! its better to catch a thief early than let her wipe out your valuables rite? i caught my stealing maid 2 wks aft she started stealing, and 2 days b4 she could go out and send the money off! some place to chk are the lining inside a suitcase (there is a zip around the suitcase interior. apparently, its for easy repairs, but also great to stash stolen stuff!), side or bac of drawers (can juz stick with tape), under bed/mattress, inside diary, in between underwears.

- try to control "scolding". too mch scolding will really put them off, and "encourage" them to be defensive, or juz tune off. juz give instruction, and make them repeat till rite. else, do and show them wat's rite.

- agree w liana tat maids will be lazy if let be. my previous maid was so relaxed cos i tot she could handle whole household liao, no need to keep an eye, cos i started working part time. turns out she only do things when i'm hm to see. when i park her and my baby at mum's in the day, she simply sit around, then sleep when my baby sleep. my mum, seeing tat she can take care of baby, dared not tell me in cas i fire her, so she do things herself. wrong move. shd hv fired her long ago!

- may not be gd idea to totally restrict no handphone, no tv. i find tat the maids whom i restrict, in the end all quietly went to buy and tried to use w/o my knowledge but all caught. think being deprived make them want it even more. so with tis new maid, i told her she can buy once she get her own pay, but only use aft 10pm. if caught, then i will keep. same thing as tv. told her can watch if really nothing to do and dun want to sleep. so she will just hang around and watch wat we watch. but dun give choice. i know of a maid who had to finish watching da chang jin last time b4 she will mvoe to do anything!

hope these helps! praying hard for everyone and myself our maids will be gd!
 
babycutie,

Sumen supposed to have processed the paperwork, but not heard from her yet. Maid supposed to come over my place on Mon.

Current maid is a direct hire, with strong recommendation from her ex-employer. After 1 mth here, she told me her family wants her to go home, no reason given.

sigh, really dunno if to take this new maid or not..
 
CSI Fan...
i agree with wat everyone has said. but however, if ur maid's priority is to take care of ur bb, then u may hv to reconsider whether to change or not. cos if her main duties are as simple as to take care of housechores, then i dun see much of the issues u hv stated.

Liana...
i nod my head when i read abt wat u said abt notebook. the notebook i gave my maid is now totally useless..

are...
i asked my hb abt the hp question yest too. he said he will not allow maid to hv hp. but i told him that our new maid is a filipino, and has 2yr ex-sin exp, so quite likely she has one. if she already has one, does it mean we take it from her and keep it for her if he doesnt allow her to use? i was thinking of oni allowing her to use it at the end of the day when she has finished all her work.

Can i ask u girls some questions? i'll be sending my maid back next week when my new one has arrived (in fact, she touches down to SG today!
happy.gif
) when my current maid came, we bgt her some home-wear clothes and my parents oso gave her quite a number of hand-me-downs. the pack of pads i bgt for her she oso hvnt open cos she brought her own. so when i send her back, shld i make her leave some of the clothes behind cos my new maid almost same size as her, and oso the unused daily necessities?
 
I agree with the notebook thing too.

Soyabean, usually whatever I give my maid, I will not take back. Some they will leave the toiletories behind like the shampoo and shower gel. But I will just let them bring whatever we have given them.
 
soyabean
same as JChew, i will also not take back whatever i give maid. But i will check her back before she leaves, in case she take more than what was given to her. Will get new set for the new maid.
 
BelMum,
Did u interviewed Nurmala before deciding to get her?

I told Sumen I wanted to interview her and Maid B. She told me someone will be getting Nurmala. I said ok but I still want to interview her anyway.

Since u have already paid the agent fees, I don't think there is turning back. Because if you reject this maid, most likely they will ask you to get another maid.

I doubt they will pay u back.
 
Soyabean,

My new PH maid has a hp. But she is only allowed to use at nite, before she sleeps. She cannot use my house phone and she doesnt have the number too as my home phone number is private. I didnt bother giving it to her as she has no need for it. Plus I told her my company pays my home phone bills so every call is listed and if they see any strange numbers, I will be questioned. :p During weekends when she goes out wif us, she doesnt bring her hp. I was surprised she went out wif us empty handed but tot its better this way. At least she "zhi dong". Personally, I feel its ok for maids to have hp as long as they dun use it excessively.

Agree w JChew. Since you already gave the items to your maid, let her decide if she wans to bring along wif her when she goes.
 
hi mummies,
while i catch up on the thread, appreciate some advice:

if i'm sending my maid

A) back to agent
- can i cancel her WP myself? cos i understand that we still need to pay levy till she find a new employer. is it is she havent find new employer for 3 mths, i gotta pay levy for 3 mths???
- considering she has not made any *grave* mistakes, we are intending to give her an additonal bonus of 1 mth pay - is it enough?
- give her the money in front of agent, and ask her to sign? also get the agent to counter sign?

B) back to home
- book airtix using her money or our money?
- just cancel WP and send her to airport right?
- give her the money + additonal bonus of 1 mth pay and ask her to sign?

appreciate any other comments.
thks,
wendy
 
hi wendy...
i will be sending my maid back to the agent... her WP will not be cancelled until she finds a new employer. and so yes, i will be paying her levy still. my agency will give her 30days to find an employer. if not successful, then agent will cancel her WP and send her back home. i will need to pay for her airtix. it is MOM's rule that employer has to pay for the airtix. and the agent will send her to the airport for us.

do u keep a notebook to record the monthly salary u pay her? if yes, then use the book to record the bonus u giving her. no need to give in front of agent as long as it is recorded.

i hope wat i said is correct... :p if wrong, can someone correct me.
 
called the agent and found out that my ex-maid bought the air ticket from her own pocket and has gone back to Myanmar.

...I feel a bit bad now...'cos we should be the one paying for her, since we terminated her contract. Luckily we have paid her extra half month, still can offset a bit.
 
Hi,
May i know if i am to send my maid back, if her work permit expired on 1 sept. she only back 1 sept? or before that have to go back. then i to cancel her work permit?
 
suzie,
your agent is very kind to you leh...usually the agent will call you up for the airtix price. Your maid finished loan liao huh? why she dun want to work here anymore?
 
My new Indo maid, 2yrs ex-sin is here today,..no cooking(buy outside food), as I want to have more time talk/show to her on childcare..

To my surprise, she never use sterlizer before(am using avent).. her previous employer,where she look after new born till 2yrs old, only boiled water(put in milk bottle) once a week.. I told her to sterlizer everyday at my place..

After sterlized, she used hand to take out teat, I told her use 'tong', a small tong come with it..

The way she make milk, shake the milk with 1finger press on the teat.. I told her, should cover(use milk bottle's cover) and shake.. used finger not clean..

Sometimes, ex sin also very hard to say.. this maid still claim that she do everything(independant), the mdm dont help.

She told that, she dont have tooth brush/paste, no shampoo, no soap.. so I asked, what u use in the agent's place..she can reply me, use another maid's toiletries..tooth brush also can share???
 
soyabean - so we are liable for the maid only for 30 days?

jo - glad that your new help is here.

dunnno how to close window? - sounds like a fresh maid.

btw, the way she describe her prev employer (boil water once a week, cover teat while mixing milk) sounds like my mother!
mayb she was just following what 'ah ma' did?
frankly, when my mother did those while looking after my son, i didnt really see them as 'wrong', cos i grew up that way too.
but then again, if i see my maid doing these, i'd also freak out...

hopw everything turns out well for u!
 
Jo, maybe she lied to you? no sterlizer-very strange. the way she make milk, I don't believe the ex-employer never tell her.

All my maid don't make milk for me as they do the same as your maid, one finger on the teat, worst take bottle out, pull them out by the teat, how to be clean. so although ex-sin, my maids will not have experience making milk.

They also don't cook as my sure efficient mum will cook, they only handle the preparation and washup.
 
jo,
her methods of sterilizing and shaking milk is very old person method lah. Maybe her ex-employer is the old sch person or is just based on the old person instructions.
observe her with a open mind, as long as she is able to help, you can retrain her to your methods loh.
 
jo, i also dun use sterilizer leh.. juz use one big pot w water, boil it den put all my bottles inside..we do it every night.. as for making milk.. hmm.. like wat the others say.. i totally agree is a very old person method.. did u get to tok to the ex-employer?
 
Jo, Wendy, Juen
hey, my mom and maid also shake milk by placing one finger one the teat!.. so disgusting! The first time i saw this happening was from my mom, and immediately i took the milk bottle over and use hot water to run through the teat. Imagine i've went through the trouble to sterilise the bottles and yet another person use her finger to touched the sterilised teats! Then when i employed maid, she also used the same method! .. shock and i immediately show her the correct way to shake the milk.. wa, i thot this is common sense, ie. the purpose of sterilising bottle is to keep germs out and after sterilising dare dare use hand to directly handle .. faint
 
worse, guess what my SIL used to do last time (her kids are now 9 and 6)? She also used avent steriliser to sterilise her bottles. And guess how she dissolve the milk powder?? .. She inserted a chopstick into the bottle and use it to stir the milk!! And the best part is, the chopstick was left in the utensils container and she din even use hot water to rinse through it before using it to stir milk! .. Guess her cleaniness standard is different.. but then, why she bother to sterilise her bottles, no point, right?
 
nellu,
Yes, it's my parents' place, but does not mean my parents are definitely at home, right? only my grandma and her maid are at home. my parents are working. my grandma is 91 yrs old....so got nobody to check with lorh. If my parents are not working, I wun have a maid...add to stress hahaha... I always tell my hb, if they are smart enough ah...they wun be here as maids liao. But at least engage in some activities mah. Whole day just put baby on the mat, on her back...and stare at baby.

Liana,
wow, you'll even pull off the sheets. hahaha. think u and my hb can get along well. He's quite particular abt such things too...but I agree with you. They will be lazy if you give them the chance to. Time to keep setting the high standards as the norm.

Yup, I also remind my hb that at the end of the day, we shdn't be depending on the maid to do stuff for our kids. Coz it's OUR kid. We shd be the one to do it. not her.

Jo,
you are doing great...hang in there. You're strong. I doubt I can do the amount of stuff you did...

soyabean,
true lorh. so now still thinking whether to change or not. coz next maid may be the same or much worse etc...it all boils down to character also lah. Hb coaches her, gives her instruction, explain rationale behind the instruction (he has more patience than me), but she still dun do. She reads the baby care books that we have at home (e.g. Gina Ford, Baby Whisperer) and can tell us, the authors say this this this. Then when we ask, why is that better? She can't answer.

Just this morning, baby was crawling and she was nearby. Baby was touching the maid's feet!!! But maid didn't move away. So told the maid, and she moved but never clean baby's hands. So pissed. And yesterday, maid was feeding baby (i happened to be on leave, so saw it). Baby was on her bumbo seat on the floor. So maid was also seated on the floor. She put baby's milk bottle...at her crotch! I dunno. I just find that quite rude and disgusting. So anyway, I did tell her not to do that lah.

Haiz, when I told my mother about it, my mother can only say, dun forget, she's alone with baby during the day...she can do anything to baby. Yes, but then? Means what? I gotta be "scared" of her??

re HP, my maid has, but I restrict it to only after 10pm and when we get back home (from my parents' place).
 
Jo,
yah, think it's old person method of doing things. Like PinkTweet's SIL, my PIL also used spoon / chopsticks to stir the milk to dissolve the milk. They even 'scolded' me for not using that method to dissolve the milk...so weird. And my MIL is a retired nurse lorh. Haiz. Different standards lah. Just have to teach again. Tiring, but I guess at the end of the day, we hope they can learn faster, so will end up helping us.

For me, I use Avent bottles. I have the sealing discs and teat travel packs (coz I partial BF so some of the bottles are used for storing EBM). So when it's time for the FM feed, I told the maid to shake and dissolve the FM in the bottle with the sealing disc, then only after it's done, switch the screw ring+teat+cap with the screw ring+disc. All that were assembled beforehand, after sterilizing in the morning. Maybe you can try this method?
 
oh yah, just wanted to say:-

Thanks mummies for your inputs.
happy.gif
Maybe we just need to be more strict, so that maid will do our way of things. She tends to be "complacent" when we're around -- like, she knows we're there to pick up the pieces kind, so she can relax.

Think it's time to change the houserules a bit.
 
hi Liana/Jchew, thanks for ur reply. I think there's some changes make to the ruling.. cos I called up MOM.. now no minimum salary thing. whew. Asked the agent to dbl confirm and she came back with the same ans. So now I got my trf maid.. hopefully this one will have less problem dan current one.

Hi Suzie, I think my current maid wont be so calm as urs.. so I think will secretly pack her bag for her and send her to agent... I really hate to have to really drag her crying out the door.

Hi CSI,
my both ex and current maid oso like dat.. put bb on the mat and jus stare at dem.. current one even better.. put bb on mat at one end.. she sit down on another end playing the baby toys herself. dan my bb 20mth mah..so alway walk ard climbing here and there.. she oso just look.. do nothing say nothing.. my bb play with the door.. she oso jus look.. in the end.. his finger got caught in the door.. the WHOLE fingernail came out! she still can smiling tell me.. bb very clever.. noe he play door is wrong.. dun dare to cry. Wa...i so heart pain til I wan to cry myself.
 
May, wah! tat's scary.. ur bb finger got caught in door n she can still smile at U!!! I will reprimand her immediately liao.. coz its no joking matter.. wat if its not only fingernail but the whole finger.. tat's crazy!!
 
wendy...
for my case its 30 days cos thats the max period my agent give to let my maid find a new employer. u may wan to check with ur agent on this.

jo...
yeah... though ur maid is ex-sin, but her prev employer may hv diff practices and expectations from u, so u prob hv to spend a little time to train her abit. but well, having ex-sin exp means she wld take lesser time to adapt to ur envt.

btw i'm one of those who uses spoon to stir my boy's milk... :p

CSI Fan...
good luck on ur change houserules expedition.
happy.gif
talk to ur maid nicely abt wat u expect and i believe she will understand. if she dun, then it oso speaks of her character.

May...
wah... finger caught in door and the maid can be so oblivious to it? gosh... if it were their own kid, i tell u they wld rush to the child immed the incident happen man...
 
Ivy, yes she finished loan. She brought home more than $1k (maybe $700 less the ticket). Maybe that's good enough for her. But I am surprised the agent didn't fight for her right.

May, think she is already "xin(1) hui(1) yi(4) leng(3)". I have been saying things like she is not suitable for me, maybe someone else will appreciate her for the last few months, while I was sourcing for new maid. I think she is all prepared. Who knows, she might be happy that all the scoldings are over, and she can retire with $700 in hand.

Anyway, my MIL commented the new maid and the previous maid "sama sama", very forgetful, and not hygenic. But I think she is still better. At least I see some initiatives (eg taking note without being told, offer to do additional tasks). Hopefully she will improve.
 
celtricia,
I was too shock to even say anything.. and plus on the day bb fingernail got caught in the door the finger was swollen, the fingernail only came out the next day while my bb was playing.. After dat I told her.. bb play with door u cannot jus sit there and watch.. must stop him... she jus smile.. yes mdm yes mdm..

soyabean, I tink her hse dun even have wooden door.. haiz..

Suzie, quite true oso.. my maid told me her hb only earns like $50 amth.. so $700 quite alot aldy. more dan 1 yr pay. ur new maid oso fm myanmar?
 
Thanks, mummies for your sharing on sterlizer/making milk method..hope after I told her, she will follow my method..

I didnt speak to her previous employer..current maid was recommend by my previous agent,I was told that her cousin really treated her like slave,shouted at her/scold her infront of ppl(when they hav family gathering)..she was her cousin's maid, a young mother late twenties, with 4 children..her duty looking after new born to 2yrs old..ferry children to school, independant..as the young madam done do work..the mdm actual still want to renew her contract but this maid dont want..so her cousin just send her back and dont want to transfer her..

Still much better than my statue maid.. at least now I hav time to search net.. of course still need to supervise here n there..

She is not so smart,cant organise her work..eg.heavy clothes nearer to window n lighter to the end of bamboo, hang clothes in a different way(not like old maid very smart,but attitude problem), not so clean or maybe her way of doing things is different, cross traffic light..ppl walk she walk without looking for green man but at least basic, can work(not stone n watch me work), I'm very glad liao..

I saw some stain on my children's bedroom floor, I asked her if those are blood stain..but she said no..I think she afraid I scold her,so deny..haiz..

She brought some PO powder.. so I might need to supply if she finish.. she also straight away lock her laugage..anyway,I dont bother to ask her open. She only has hp, where I told her to used only at night after work.

I pray she work with me at least 2yrs. She is a MAID, sadly cant ask for more..difficult to find a good helper..
 
May,
faintz... tat's the ting abt maid.. its seems like watever happen.. to me it seems they find it funny n smile at us.. like some weirdo, regardless of hw serious the problem is.. juz can't take it..
 
celtricia,
precisely... at 1st when this kind of thing happen and she smile at me.. I tot its bcos she dun understand.. so I explain to her again and ask her understand or not?? dan later I know aldy.. dats the way they are... dun bother to say more also..
 
mommies
I remembered somebody in the thead mentioned abt the sending of money back indonesia, but i can't find the post liao cos too many post. It's about giving money to a s'pore agent and agent will givce a pin number. Then maid's family in indonesia will provide the pin number to agent in indonesia to retreive the money .. what's that called? Where can i get such service? My maid asked me last night about this service which she heard from her mother, and she asked me to help her send money this way. Cos if send via bank, it takes at least 1wk for money to reach payee. Pls advise. Thanks very much.
 
May, how can your maid not heart pain, still can smile?? If that was my maid, I will consider to change, as she cant look after children(causing lost of finger nail)..I'm not at home all the time, I will worried if leave my children with this type of maid.Have to monitor her..tell her your children come safety 1st.

CSI, thanks for suggesting using the sealer..
 
Jo, like my mum says not her flesh mah.. I already make plans to change her. as this is not the only incident. Have selected another maid.. very chinese looking.. and too pretty to be maid.. haiz.. hopefully her looks wont give me additional problem..
 
May, ya lor.. whh i totally detest.. my indo like dat, my phil also like dat.. weird right.. sigh..

the selected maid is wat nationality? pretty will b a prob too.. definitely..
 
soyabean.. i tink my maid lives in those wooden hse.. their door not like ours.. yes.. new maid oso fm myanmar.. :p

celtricia, new maid oso myanmar.. ya lor.. i oso tink will have prob.. but haiz.. cross finger
 
may,
if i were you i'd threaten the maid to use pliers to pull out her nail..or slam the door on her finger see whether she still can smile or not! idiot maid!

Jo,
happy to hear that the new maid is here. Do be patient to train her. I'm sure there is some hope that she will be able to help you.

One thing i learned and my hubby also kept emphasizing to me is that I must give instructions to the T. and can only give one instruction at the time. My maid is quite smart but still i have to do this if i really want to get things done my way. And like what Liana does, i also make her redo if it is not up to standard.

i think also don't expect too much from maids...make yourself gek sim only...start off small then aft they can handle liao, then slowly add..then, tell them "oh, cos i think you are quite capable, so we can slowly get you to help a bit more." this i think boosts their confidence also...that's what i tell my current maid...when i 'praise' her like that, she is also happy.
 
CSI Fan,
ok now i understand. Your parents are still working..i really cannot trust maids with baby at all...if i were you, i'd rather put baby at infantcare. I just simply cannot trust them. When i look at the maids around my area handling kids and babies, it sends shivers down my spine.

at home, i really watch how my maid handles my boy. She's considered quite good already. Somemore the other day she heard me talking to my mil and hubby abt some incident at our home based playgroup. Aft that, privately she told me, "md'm, joshua so poor thing, bullied by 7mth old baby. That mother is not good. She has to discipline the child." So i asked her "if you were there what would you do?" She said, " I'll find out what happen and try to teach both children." It's good at least she can understand something like that. And i sometimes see her telling my son "cannot play with tv and vcr, cannot play with switches. Very dangerous."

But still i don't trust her....

...maybe i'm paranoid lah..but i really think they CMI.
 
nellu,
hehs...
happy.gif
No lah, u're not paranoid lah. At the end of the day, they are only here for the $$. So, think they just do what they think is okay only kind lorh. The minimum. Meet minimum expectations can liaoz.

Actually, I was brought up by maids (parents have to work), so I can totally imagine what and how maids handle kids and babies. But also, the maids then and now are really quite different. And now that I'm in this position of needing help to look after my baby...I dunno how to manage. Hahaha. I'm a confused mummy. Haiz.
 
May,
wat is your new maid occupation before she be maid? my mum, old and wise told me, cannot choose those that are pretty, chinese looking,or doing clerk work, or paperwork kind before. Cos its too much of a shock for them to "degrade" as maid.
 
nellu, ya lor.. too bad my children got injure is accident she jus say sorry.. she get injure hor is abuse I got to go jail... Ur maid not bad.. at least she tell ur son "cannot play with tv and vcr, cannot play with switches. Very dangerous." mine jus let dem play... and stand there watching... I wonder will she run and get me if they (the children) get electric shock.

Ivy, she was a nurse before in her country. true.. i oso scare she cannot take it.. keep telling her my requirement and expectation...
 
nellu
maid behaviour is very different when mdm is not around. my friend install the cctv at her home without the maid knowledge. The maid was quite good according to her but she got a shock when she saw the maid slap her daughter of about 1 year old. The maid was sent back.....she was telling us her maid was very nice to her daughter when she is around.
 


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