Advise needed for staying with In-Laws?
- Thread starter koala_pig
- Start date
Piggy
I also abt the same as u, we jsut shifted in wth my Mil and SIL, Mil let us have her masterbed room. She and maid sleep in the same room with my son. SIL own her personal room.
As for houseworks, since we have taken over ownership of maid.. she does everything at home together with the help of my retired Mil. Not much of complaints now since houseworks are taken care by maid. Onli thing is have to be very tidy lor.. cos my mil is a tidy freak.. hahaa..
I also abt the same as u, we jsut shifted in wth my Mil and SIL, Mil let us have her masterbed room. She and maid sleep in the same room with my son. SIL own her personal room.
As for houseworks, since we have taken over ownership of maid.. she does everything at home together with the help of my retired Mil. Not much of complaints now since houseworks are taken care by maid. Onli thing is have to be very tidy lor.. cos my mil is a tidy freak.. hahaa..
katherine_k
Member
Fun,
How I wish my mil is a tidy freak
I hate stepping into their pl as the floor is so dusty. When u lift up ur foot, u can see all those dusts. Yucks...
How I wish my mil is a tidy freak
Hi all,
I lived with my PILs for abt a year before we shifted out and had our 1st baby. It was a peaceful year guess cos we respected each other's boundaries and privacy. You close one eye to my shortcomings, I forgive and forget your slip of the tongue on trival things. My MIL is not very neat or particular when it comes to housework. So if that's her standard, I'm spared of most housework, other than helping out with dishes and ocassionally vacumming and mopping of floors...heh...but I tried to keep our bedroom clean and tidy.
I came from a bigger family thus prior to staying with ILs, I'll always put on a bra and used to bringing all the necessities into the bathroom. It's my MIL who goes braless at home! So hubby influenced me and insisted it's ok, but I still feel more comfy with bra on, other than in our bedroom
My FIL does not interfere and usually out till late, so no conflict either. To avoid embarassments of drying lingerie, we bought a standing clothes drying rack. So I'll "hide" the lingerie in between our clothes for drying.
Now that we are not staying together, we still maintain the respect and I would say my MIL is a great lady. We sms or email each other for updates during the week. She cooks for us on Sat, makes tonic during my pregnancies almost every week and buys us snacks to bring home. My hubby is the only child, guess she'll only have us to pamper, so in return, I think we would be the ones to repay her kindness.
I lived with my PILs for abt a year before we shifted out and had our 1st baby. It was a peaceful year guess cos we respected each other's boundaries and privacy. You close one eye to my shortcomings, I forgive and forget your slip of the tongue on trival things. My MIL is not very neat or particular when it comes to housework. So if that's her standard, I'm spared of most housework, other than helping out with dishes and ocassionally vacumming and mopping of floors...heh...but I tried to keep our bedroom clean and tidy.
I came from a bigger family thus prior to staying with ILs, I'll always put on a bra and used to bringing all the necessities into the bathroom. It's my MIL who goes braless at home! So hubby influenced me and insisted it's ok, but I still feel more comfy with bra on, other than in our bedroom
My FIL does not interfere and usually out till late, so no conflict either. To avoid embarassments of drying lingerie, we bought a standing clothes drying rack. So I'll "hide" the lingerie in between our clothes for drying. Now that we are not staying together, we still maintain the respect and I would say my MIL is a great lady. We sms or email each other for updates during the week. She cooks for us on Sat, makes tonic during my pregnancies almost every week and buys us snacks to bring home. My hubby is the only child, guess she'll only have us to pamper, so in return, I think we would be the ones to repay her kindness.
U mummies are considered lucky!!..
My PIL stay with us.. problem is we are the ones who bought over the flat from them. Initially my MIL refused to let us have the master bedroom as she wants the toilet for her convenience. And I told my hubby, what is this nonsense?? We are the owners and we can't have the master bedroom??..
Talk abt privacy, going bra-less is never an issue, coz it's IMPOSSIBLE!... haha..
And when we just got married, we locked our door at night. Can u imagine someone just took the key and unlock the door, on the pretense that we didn't switch off our TV??!!!...
And don't talk abt wardrobe... that someone will open my cupboard, check what are the things I bought, rearrange all my clothes, and once after a short trip, i found all my new clothes (supposedly still in the plastic bag) opened and lying on the other side of my cupboard. and she likes to rearrange how I put my things!!!....
SIGH!!! That's my MIL!!
My PIL stay with us.. problem is we are the ones who bought over the flat from them. Initially my MIL refused to let us have the master bedroom as she wants the toilet for her convenience. And I told my hubby, what is this nonsense?? We are the owners and we can't have the master bedroom??..
Talk abt privacy, going bra-less is never an issue, coz it's IMPOSSIBLE!... haha..
And when we just got married, we locked our door at night. Can u imagine someone just took the key and unlock the door, on the pretense that we didn't switch off our TV??!!!...
And don't talk abt wardrobe... that someone will open my cupboard, check what are the things I bought, rearrange all my clothes, and once after a short trip, i found all my new clothes (supposedly still in the plastic bag) opened and lying on the other side of my cupboard. and she likes to rearrange how I put my things!!!....
SIGH!!! That's my MIL!!
The only thing I can say is
REN REN REN!!
I will keep repeating to myself "jia1 he2 wan4 shi4 xin1" although on many many occasions she is just too much!... I treat it that she is uneducated, nonsense and a housewife... hehe.. at least it helps me to keep my sanity!...
Talk abt helping to take care of the kid, she will tell my hubby, "Oh, u guys can always go out and spend some time for urselves. I will help u take care of the kid"... End up we feel so guilty that we always bring the kid along, and will never leave her with MIL...
Or sometimes she will tell me "Oh, u go and eat dinner, I help u take care of the kid".. Ended up she will glue her eyes on the TV, and me eat halfway still need to rush and take care of my gal...
Endless of horror stories!!....
No matter how good the MIL is, u will really need to forgo some of ur upbringing principles, and close 2 eyes and tolerate tolerate!!...
REN REN REN!!
I will keep repeating to myself "jia1 he2 wan4 shi4 xin1" although on many many occasions she is just too much!... I treat it that she is uneducated, nonsense and a housewife... hehe.. at least it helps me to keep my sanity!...
Talk abt helping to take care of the kid, she will tell my hubby, "Oh, u guys can always go out and spend some time for urselves. I will help u take care of the kid"... End up we feel so guilty that we always bring the kid along, and will never leave her with MIL...
Or sometimes she will tell me "Oh, u go and eat dinner, I help u take care of the kid".. Ended up she will glue her eyes on the TV, and me eat halfway still need to rush and take care of my gal...
Endless of horror stories!!....
No matter how good the MIL is, u will really need to forgo some of ur upbringing principles, and close 2 eyes and tolerate tolerate!!...
maplebabies
New Member
Waa, Tortoise, you win! If i were you, i would have lose it long ago.
Aiya, no matter how good ILs are, they are still DIFFERENT from us. And differences are enough to cause unhappiness, its just big or small. And likely we are going to be the unhappy ones more than ILs cos as many people say; we DILs must give in to them cos they are old, cos they brought hubby up, cos they mean well ... so we really have no say. Then we either suffer in silence or trash it all out and still, at the end of the day, we are the bad DILs cos hubby sure side his parents wat.
So moral of the story, if possible, dont stay together or delay stay together as much as possible. To think that even living apart sometimes can have conflicts, what more staying together??
Aiya, no matter how good ILs are, they are still DIFFERENT from us. And differences are enough to cause unhappiness, its just big or small. And likely we are going to be the unhappy ones more than ILs cos as many people say; we DILs must give in to them cos they are old, cos they brought hubby up, cos they mean well ... so we really have no say. Then we either suffer in silence or trash it all out and still, at the end of the day, we are the bad DILs cos hubby sure side his parents wat.
So moral of the story, if possible, dont stay together or delay stay together as much as possible. To think that even living apart sometimes can have conflicts, what more staying together??
katherine_k
Member
Tortoise,
WOW WOW WOW... U r the winner! If I were u, I think my hubby eardrums gone already. Ha ha ha... Lucky me tat my mil dun open or go into our room unless she need to take my boy clothings. But my colleague's mil will open her cupboard n c wat she got n ask my colleague to lend her. Tat drives my colleague crazy as she hate pple borrow things like bags from her.
I just wish tat my ils can sell away the place asap so tat I can move out from there. But from my pt of view it is hard to sell as their pl TOO MESSY. Even my parents ask me dun pin too high hopes tat my ils pl will sell away so fast
WOW WOW WOW... U r the winner! If I were u, I think my hubby eardrums gone already. Ha ha ha... Lucky me tat my mil dun open or go into our room unless she need to take my boy clothings. But my colleague's mil will open her cupboard n c wat she got n ask my colleague to lend her. Tat drives my colleague crazy as she hate pple borrow things like bags from her.
I just wish tat my ils can sell away the place asap so tat I can move out from there. But from my pt of view it is hard to sell as their pl TOO MESSY. Even my parents ask me dun pin too high hopes tat my ils pl will sell away so fast
flowerygal
New Member
hi all,
Tis thread seems so interesting on topics abt In-laws...I guess my case abit opposite w e most of u. Me & Hb juz shifted into our new flat tis yr n expecting ur 1st child nw n MIL proposed 2 move in together w e whole family (Total 4 of em) and rent out their flat. Gosh, she's ridiculous. Worse of all, she's a bad-tempered woman. Hw 2 say no? My hb is mummy's boy smemore n dare nt offend her. My in-laws r currently sleeping in separate bedrms coz MIL unreasonable. Imagine tat things r so bad when we aint staying 2gether, e situation wil get worse when they cme ovr. i sure hv conflicts w her. We hv so much diff views. My poor bb will be in her care n she's such possessive person, will she steal my bb boy away? If nt, i probably hv 2 bear another child liao. Bt i dislike pregnancy period.. so tough! B4 e gender of my bb is revealed, she said whether boy or gal is fine w her. Bt after tat, she told my hb tat she prefer boy! Gdness. Imagine she alredi got 3 sons yet she still prefer boy?
Although she said e staying will be temp bt it be tough. She may probably criticise my way of handling e hse n etc bt c'mon, i don't see her cleaning her own hse well. Its one of e terrible sporean hse i evr seen. Even my hb dun like. So dirty n untidy. When she came ovr 2 my plc beco got contractors cming, she kept herself busy by wiping e mirrors n windows! Gosh. Cant she vacuum n mop e flr instead? Mre practical.
Tis thread seems so interesting on topics abt In-laws...I guess my case abit opposite w e most of u. Me & Hb juz shifted into our new flat tis yr n expecting ur 1st child nw n MIL proposed 2 move in together w e whole family (Total 4 of em) and rent out their flat. Gosh, she's ridiculous. Worse of all, she's a bad-tempered woman. Hw 2 say no? My hb is mummy's boy smemore n dare nt offend her. My in-laws r currently sleeping in separate bedrms coz MIL unreasonable. Imagine tat things r so bad when we aint staying 2gether, e situation wil get worse when they cme ovr. i sure hv conflicts w her. We hv so much diff views. My poor bb will be in her care n she's such possessive person, will she steal my bb boy away? If nt, i probably hv 2 bear another child liao. Bt i dislike pregnancy period.. so tough! B4 e gender of my bb is revealed, she said whether boy or gal is fine w her. Bt after tat, she told my hb tat she prefer boy! Gdness. Imagine she alredi got 3 sons yet she still prefer boy?
Although she said e staying will be temp bt it be tough. She may probably criticise my way of handling e hse n etc bt c'mon, i don't see her cleaning her own hse well. Its one of e terrible sporean hse i evr seen. Even my hb dun like. So dirty n untidy. When she came ovr 2 my plc beco got contractors cming, she kept herself busy by wiping e mirrors n windows! Gosh. Cant she vacuum n mop e flr instead? Mre practical.
sigh!!! my hubby also got the idea of staying with my ILs in future... he ever mentioned to me before our wedding.. and that time i got no choice so i brushed away his idea by saying we need some time to save up and recover our $ in bank first before we fetch them with us... if not we cant even provide good for ourselves then how to provide for them.... dun expect them to work when they shift and stay with us...
now FIL not working... and dun think he ever wanna work again.... to me he just finding excuses to idle at home... MIL work half day.. and most terrible.. BIL not working also.. i cant imagine the idea if they staying with us and BIL also coming along... think i will jump down the building with my kid!!! i am not going to let BIL step into my house... he has attitute problem and then got all sorts of gambling and borrow $ habits.. so terrible... i dun wanna put my kid and house in a risk... skali one day loansharks come and lock the door how!!! but how to reject and talk peacefully with hubby over this kind of issue... he sure fed up one mah.. cos is his parents wor... tho they are very dirty and messy.. they are still his parents.. this is what he always tell me... and this is the kind of environment he grew up lor... and he thinks nothing of it as he is used to it.. but how can with our own kid.. i wanna kid to be in a peaceful and good environment .. not those messy and unpeaceful kind!!!
even their 2nd son dun wanna stay with them.. that time FIL got the idea of staying with them... end up there's a big quarrel between son and daughter, and she too wanna jump down with her kid cos cant stand FIL and worried about BIL.... that's why my hubby feel very bad lor... so got this idea... tho his SIL mouth never say but i know they are hoping that they stay at our place... then they will be free of worry forever... staying with IL need extra expenses.. somemore if they not working.. dun expect them to use their $ to buy things for the house, in fact they might keep taking $ from us for spending... i can only visualised stresses and financial strains and maybe marriage strains due to $ and cleaniness... if they were really to moved in.... really dunno what to do...
now FIL not working... and dun think he ever wanna work again.... to me he just finding excuses to idle at home... MIL work half day.. and most terrible.. BIL not working also.. i cant imagine the idea if they staying with us and BIL also coming along... think i will jump down the building with my kid!!! i am not going to let BIL step into my house... he has attitute problem and then got all sorts of gambling and borrow $ habits.. so terrible... i dun wanna put my kid and house in a risk... skali one day loansharks come and lock the door how!!! but how to reject and talk peacefully with hubby over this kind of issue... he sure fed up one mah.. cos is his parents wor... tho they are very dirty and messy.. they are still his parents.. this is what he always tell me... and this is the kind of environment he grew up lor... and he thinks nothing of it as he is used to it.. but how can with our own kid.. i wanna kid to be in a peaceful and good environment .. not those messy and unpeaceful kind!!!
even their 2nd son dun wanna stay with them.. that time FIL got the idea of staying with them... end up there's a big quarrel between son and daughter, and she too wanna jump down with her kid cos cant stand FIL and worried about BIL.... that's why my hubby feel very bad lor... so got this idea... tho his SIL mouth never say but i know they are hoping that they stay at our place... then they will be free of worry forever... staying with IL need extra expenses.. somemore if they not working.. dun expect them to use their $ to buy things for the house, in fact they might keep taking $ from us for spending... i can only visualised stresses and financial strains and maybe marriage strains due to $ and cleaniness... if they were really to moved in.... really dunno what to do...
zpqi7
Well-Known Member
*Sigh* I guess we all have our own stories.
I ever stay wif my MIL the place is run down full of mosquitoes and she doesn't want to work and carry on burden her son which is my hubby who give me barely enough but give his mom alot of pocket money.Often we quarrelled because he always side with his mom.
One word of advice- Do not marry a filial son.
She only do the necessary- cleaning the house when she feels its dirty. She said I use her washing machine will spoilt it and if I never greet her when I see her, I deserve no dinner! Even when my tummy is big (7-8 months old) Soon after baby is born I moved back home cos my MIL can't even help to bao pamper for my son. The BIL is worst, everyday bring home different girl back though he's the eldest but he does not want to cotribute and keep dragging us down.
I almost divorce my hubby becuase he need to stay with his mother she refuses to move out of Tampines and rather die there. I am moving back end of the year cos I feel baby must really see the dad and get his fair share of fatherly love and hopefully my hubby is not so lazy anymore, anyway when my MIL nags I will bring baby down for a walk to feed mosquitoes rather than listenting to her. All these + work stress I can explode. *sigh*
-Those who we wanted them to go, will not go.
-Those who we don't want them to go, left us early.
I ever stay wif my MIL the place is run down full of mosquitoes and she doesn't want to work and carry on burden her son which is my hubby who give me barely enough but give his mom alot of pocket money.Often we quarrelled because he always side with his mom.
One word of advice- Do not marry a filial son.
She only do the necessary- cleaning the house when she feels its dirty. She said I use her washing machine will spoilt it and if I never greet her when I see her, I deserve no dinner! Even when my tummy is big (7-8 months old) Soon after baby is born I moved back home cos my MIL can't even help to bao pamper for my son. The BIL is worst, everyday bring home different girl back though he's the eldest but he does not want to cotribute and keep dragging us down.
I almost divorce my hubby becuase he need to stay with his mother she refuses to move out of Tampines and rather die there. I am moving back end of the year cos I feel baby must really see the dad and get his fair share of fatherly love and hopefully my hubby is not so lazy anymore, anyway when my MIL nags I will bring baby down for a walk to feed mosquitoes rather than listenting to her. All these + work stress I can explode. *sigh*
-Those who we wanted them to go, will not go.
-Those who we don't want them to go, left us early.
I stay with my in laws since married . So far so good , no conflicts just sometimes small quarrel over the children . Most impt , give and take , respect each other . I believed that every of us which to have help from parents or parents in law so respect and treat parents in law like your own parents and things will turn out well . I stayed with my in laws for 6 years already .
I'd also like to share my experiences. I just moved in to stay with my in-laws about 3 weeks ago. We stay with my parents on weekends and with my in-laws on weekdays. so far so good. My mother in law is very good to me and the family treats me like a daughter/sister. Of course, sometimes, she gets a bit naggy, but I just one ear in, one ear out. Sometimes when I spend too much time taking with my MIL, my husband will come up with an excuse to "release" me from my MIL.
We dont have our own kids yet.. so cannot say what it will be when children come. but I agree that we must give and take, and respect our in-laws as elders. We do not need to "love them to bits" but basic respect and tolerance is needed. Without MIL, no husband.
We dont have our own kids yet.. so cannot say what it will be when children come. but I agree that we must give and take, and respect our in-laws as elders. We do not need to "love them to bits" but basic respect and tolerance is needed. Without MIL, no husband.
zhen49
Active Member
sorry to intrude, but i am now 'psyching' my kid to next time stay with me...heehee..can't bear not to be with him leh.
fyi, i am staying with my ILs for 7 years. Have Ups and Downs, but on the whole they treat me nice. they close an eye to my untidyness and occasionally packed my room for me. on my side, i am not too hung up on they 'intruding' into my privacy by going thru my stuff cos i have nothing to hide.
My dh said i am a fortunate DIL. I said that his parents are fortunate PIL cos they get to see their son and grandchildren 24/7.
fyi, i am staying with my ILs for 7 years. Have Ups and Downs, but on the whole they treat me nice. they close an eye to my untidyness and occasionally packed my room for me. on my side, i am not too hung up on they 'intruding' into my privacy by going thru my stuff cos i have nothing to hide.
My dh said i am a fortunate DIL. I said that his parents are fortunate PIL cos they get to see their son and grandchildren 24/7.
Hi fz,
I hope you dun mind me saying this. Whether or not our child wants to stay with us in the future has to be of his own free will... and also whether his wife is willing to stay with us. ifwe conditionour kid to want to stay with us, but his wife doesn't want to, it will be an emotionally struggle internally for our kid. Best is not to have any expectations at all for our kids...
I hope you dun mind me saying this. Whether or not our child wants to stay with us in the future has to be of his own free will... and also whether his wife is willing to stay with us. ifwe conditionour kid to want to stay with us, but his wife doesn't want to, it will be an emotionally struggle internally for our kid. Best is not to have any expectations at all for our kids...
I guess we just have to take care of ourselves when we are old. Make sure we dun need to rely on our kids... so that they will be free to set up their own marriages. if they are their spouses want to live with us, and if that is what we want at that point in time, then it is very good for everyone. We never know... we may not want to live with our kids in the future.. I mean, when we are old lah.. like what your DH says. For me and hb, we have no expectations. We just want to save up as much as possible cos we want to retire properly without burdening our kids.
Hi all, I am new here, just to share my experience staying with in laws...
I have been staying with them starting from our courtship....hmm, i enjoy staying with his family....my fil cook for us, as he is a good cook...i find i am fortunate to have them...as they really take good care of my girl, which is 2 years old now, and can said that we dont have much conflict, as me and my mil try to close 1 eye and open 1 eye when we have different thinking, guess what, my mom and my mil both can ring each other and talk oso.....
I have been staying with them starting from our courtship....hmm, i enjoy staying with his family....my fil cook for us, as he is a good cook...i find i am fortunate to have them...as they really take good care of my girl, which is 2 years old now, and can said that we dont have much conflict, as me and my mil try to close 1 eye and open 1 eye when we have different thinking, guess what, my mom and my mil both can ring each other and talk oso.....
Hi Fun...
Hmm whenever i am not happy with what my mil do, i will go and tell my husband and make him to tell her..(i am lucky that normally later she will follow what i want)......but for those that maybe i dont like but i find is small matter...i will close 1 eye also, bcos i still find that is bcos they are dote on my girl....
i do admit that sometimes they are over dote on her liao.....it will spoilt her, but i rather they dote on her than no one dote on her right....
but whenever i discipline my girl, both of in laws will keep quiet ....will not involved...but later they will complaint to my husband and my mom said that they heart pain...heehee...
Hmm whenever i am not happy with what my mil do, i will go and tell my husband and make him to tell her..(i am lucky that normally later she will follow what i want)......but for those that maybe i dont like but i find is small matter...i will close 1 eye also, bcos i still find that is bcos they are dote on my girl....
i do admit that sometimes they are over dote on her liao.....it will spoilt her, but i rather they dote on her than no one dote on her right....
but whenever i discipline my girl, both of in laws will keep quiet ....will not involved...but later they will complaint to my husband and my mom said that they heart pain...heehee...
I don't live with my ILs and I never ever want to. Already cannot tahan them now, move in together, I think volcano will erupt.
MIL has our house key coz DH gave it to her. One day, she just came to out house like a thief, dropped food in my fridge and left without ever telling us before or after she came.
Then on days when she comes over to visit, can't sit there and chit chat or watch tv..must fold my clothes/ iron my hubby's clothes or clean the kitchen.... AS IF i cannot take care of my boy & hubby and i need her help to do it.
She even collects in my underwear which I hang out to dry!! Come on la... I didn't ask u to do it so pls stop touching my undies!! Very buay tahan...
Sorry for the outburst..really nowhere to vent this anger coz hubby gives a black face whenever I comment abt his parents.
MIL has our house key coz DH gave it to her. One day, she just came to out house like a thief, dropped food in my fridge and left without ever telling us before or after she came.
Then on days when she comes over to visit, can't sit there and chit chat or watch tv..must fold my clothes/ iron my hubby's clothes or clean the kitchen.... AS IF i cannot take care of my boy & hubby and i need her help to do it.
She even collects in my underwear which I hang out to dry!! Come on la... I didn't ask u to do it so pls stop touching my undies!! Very buay tahan...
Sorry for the outburst..really nowhere to vent this anger coz hubby gives a black face whenever I comment abt his parents.
linda_thea
New Member
Hi giner
Cheers!! My MIL and mum meets up at the market sometimes and have breakfast while chatting too. I think it is great!!!
Closing one eye if not both, is very impt. And we also appreciate the help they had so selflessly given to take care of our children.
If anything I not happy abt (serious ones), I will tell my hb in a non-accusing manner. And my hb is always very nice to analyse and then deliver the message in his own "son" way.
If small thing, I will just get mad abt it, then after 3 days cool down already tell hb in a jokingly manner. Cos I want him to also know the ways I am doing to try to be a nice DIL.
Hi mikey
Cool.... I think your MIL was being kind to stock food for you. A thief steals food out and NOT bring food in wor. I think it is mis-communication. While you didnt agree for the house keys to be given, your MIL had received it from her son, thinking it means she can go up whenever she wants to mah. If you really dun like it, talk to your hb abt it.
When she iron, do the chores, it was also out of helpfulness. She takes in your underwear. Do you know some old aunties wont even touch your undies for fear of bad luck? Maybe cos you were already angry with her, hence anything she does also doesnt make you happy.
Try to see things from diff angles. I might not be the best DIL, but i think i am a reasonable one. They just want to share a part of their son's life.... nothing wrong in that since they are the one who gave him life and brought him up the way we brought our kids up....
Closing one eye if not both, is very impt. And we also appreciate the help they had so selflessly given to take care of our children.
If anything I not happy abt (serious ones), I will tell my hb in a non-accusing manner. And my hb is always very nice to analyse and then deliver the message in his own "son" way.
If small thing, I will just get mad abt it, then after 3 days cool down already tell hb in a jokingly manner. Cos I want him to also know the ways I am doing to try to be a nice DIL.
Hi mikey
Cool.... I think your MIL was being kind to stock food for you. A thief steals food out and NOT bring food in wor. I think it is mis-communication. While you didnt agree for the house keys to be given, your MIL had received it from her son, thinking it means she can go up whenever she wants to mah. If you really dun like it, talk to your hb abt it.
When she iron, do the chores, it was also out of helpfulness. She takes in your underwear. Do you know some old aunties wont even touch your undies for fear of bad luck? Maybe cos you were already angry with her, hence anything she does also doesnt make you happy.
Try to see things from diff angles. I might not be the best DIL, but i think i am a reasonable one. They just want to share a part of their son's life.... nothing wrong in that since they are the one who gave him life and brought him up the way we brought our kids up....
Hi mikey, I agree with Linda about the underwear issue. My hb's aunt who lives with us also occassionally touches my underwear.. cos I often only clip it with just one clip although I know having 2 clips will let the underwear dry faster after being washed. I will feel quite embarressed that she touched it and I know she only cares for me. My relationship with the aunt is very very superficial.. just hi and bye, just treat her with respect and she acknowledges me.
mikeymum
i guess you are not comfortable because your privacy has been invaded... its hard to accept that someone can come in and out of your domain... after all, you are the mistress of your home!
on the other hand, am i right to say that you are a working mom too? so perhaps your MIL is mindful of that and wants to help take some workload off you? not to question your ability for housework? as a mummy, you probably will appreciate that your love for your children will not end when he or she walks down the aisle with another persons child... sometimes, that love extends to their partners too... and while your child would have grown up with you and know your motives, the other child may not.
well, if you are uncomfortable with another person touching your lingerie... let her know gently... she probably feels nothing about it as she has been doing her familie's laundry for the longest time and you are family already.
some mummies here will probably envy you for your MIL... others are certainly not so lucky.
i guess you are not comfortable because your privacy has been invaded... its hard to accept that someone can come in and out of your domain... after all, you are the mistress of your home!
on the other hand, am i right to say that you are a working mom too? so perhaps your MIL is mindful of that and wants to help take some workload off you? not to question your ability for housework? as a mummy, you probably will appreciate that your love for your children will not end when he or she walks down the aisle with another persons child... sometimes, that love extends to their partners too... and while your child would have grown up with you and know your motives, the other child may not.
well, if you are uncomfortable with another person touching your lingerie... let her know gently... she probably feels nothing about it as she has been doing her familie's laundry for the longest time and you are family already.
some mummies here will probably envy you for your MIL... others are certainly not so lucky.
Hi Linda...
Ya agreed with you....try to be a good DIL and everyone is happy...that is the most important to us.....
my mil oso help me to do confinement and also help to wash my cloths....but i see her so difficult (as her leg will pain due to "kuan jie yuan") end up i tell her to put inside washing machine instead...
but i tell myself for my next confinement, i will look for confinement lady, as both my PIL are getting older....I dont want to end up, 3 of us all tired and suffer....
Ya agreed with you....try to be a good DIL and everyone is happy...that is the most important to us.....
my mil oso help me to do confinement and also help to wash my cloths....but i see her so difficult (as her leg will pain due to "kuan jie yuan") end up i tell her to put inside washing machine instead...
but i tell myself for my next confinement, i will look for confinement lady, as both my PIL are getting older....I dont want to end up, 3 of us all tired and suffer....
missylan
Active Member
I read so much about evil MIL/FIL etc but what about SIL who do not respect?
I am living with my MIL, hmm.... can say that my MIL live with me cos she is taking care of my son and her off days are weekends. We are living in harmony and for few years already. Why can we manage to do so? Close 1 eye and got to respect. If I do not respect my MIL, face black black think my MIL long left my house. Trivial matter, just complain to hubby then hubby got to keep quiet, let me vent my frustration. If it is a serious matter, then I will talk to my MIL straight but with RESPECT!
Why just can't some DILs have some respect?
P/S: Sorry ahh, venting my anger here!
I am living with my MIL, hmm.... can say that my MIL live with me cos she is taking care of my son and her off days are weekends. We are living in harmony and for few years already. Why can we manage to do so? Close 1 eye and got to respect. If I do not respect my MIL, face black black think my MIL long left my house. Trivial matter, just complain to hubby then hubby got to keep quiet, let me vent my frustration. If it is a serious matter, then I will talk to my MIL straight but with RESPECT!
Why just can't some DILs have some respect?
P/S: Sorry ahh, venting my anger here!
*sigh*
I know MIL cares but just wishes she will leave us alone..
I've been brought up rather independently, so it's like extreme ends when I married into my DH's family. PIL are always fussing about this and that. MY SIL already 30++ yet my MIL still insists on accompanying her when SIL wants to go downstairs or whenever we are out for meals, MIL must order dishes that SIL likes...too pampering for my liking.
I fear putting my son with them coz I don wish my son to grow up so sheltered like my SIL.
I know MIL cares but just wishes she will leave us alone..
I've been brought up rather independently, so it's like extreme ends when I married into my DH's family. PIL are always fussing about this and that. MY SIL already 30++ yet my MIL still insists on accompanying her when SIL wants to go downstairs or whenever we are out for meals, MIL must order dishes that SIL likes...too pampering for my liking.
I fear putting my son with them coz I don wish my son to grow up so sheltered like my SIL.
Hi ladies,
I'm new here. Just sharing my point of view on staying with in laws. Been staying with in laws 1 yr already. Now looking for own place to move out and have our own space.
The good thing about staying with in laws is less housework to do. For me I only need to bother about my own room. Thats all. And hubby is a tidy freak unlike me, so times when he cannot stand my untidiness, he'll clean up the room. Keke... But bad thing is the lack of privacy. I used to go braless and wear PJs before I got married. Now there's BIL and FIL ard, have to keep bra on all day.
Unlike many married couples, hubby n I do not have a room to ourselves fully. My BIL shares the room. His clothes and stuff will leave inside the room cause since married to hubby, he moved out to sleep in the living room. So whatever sometimes he and his gf does inside this room, hubby will want me to be accomodating since he already had no room to sleep in. But I do feel disgusted at the thought of what they are doing on our bed and really can't wait to move out.
Like some of them complaint about BIL eating my snacks, I had the same experiences. I'll nag to hubby and after that make hubby buy back for me. If those I really like and not willing to risk it in others tummy, I'll keep in the room. Keke... Other times like breakfast for myself, in order not to find my breakfast missing the next morning, I always make it a point to buy additions, so that even my FIL or BIL eats, I'll still find my breakfast on the table the next morning. So food wise, I learn not to be calculative
My PILs also buy food home and I eat them also. They also never say anything. My MIL loves durians. Once I finished off the whole box, she come back and I apologise, she also never become unhappy. So sometimes to repay their favour, times we dine out or buy food back, I also tell hubby to call his mum to see if she wants anything or we just buy for them. Nowadays hubby made me call back, cos he thinks will foster the relationship between me and them also.
Relationship with PILs, initially there was alot of conflicts, esp at the fact that whenever hubby and I had tensions, they'll take hubby's side and blamed me for making hubby angry. Even it's hubby's fault. Something I cannot take it lying down. But I later find out my MIL sometimes also tell hubby to give in to me when I'm not ard.
Other things like something they'll say things that you'll not like to hear. And initially I feel so stressed when my MIL told me not to accumulate my washing cos she worried when she wants to hang, she'll have no space. So limit me to 1 bamboo stick. Everyday I come home from work just hand wash loh. Lucky my mum staying near me, she told me I can put my clothes in a bag and when I go over, she wash for me (My own house have the whole balcony to hang and lotsa bamboo sticks). Hehe... Me so happy, don't need to even wash clothes this way except my own under garments.
Staying with in laws have to close 2 eyes, and 1 ear in, 1 ear out. Something I learnt. There's bound to be differences since we're all brought up differently by our own parents. Just try to bear with it and learn to try to see it from a positive point of view then a negative one. But of cos, end of the day, I'll still move out cos baby coming out in a few months. No place for the baby plus I do not want more conflicts next time about them fussing over my baby. I know older folks have their experiences, but I did have some knowledge from books on child rearing, I want to bring up my child in my beliefs and not having others trying to duplicate another child of them own through my baby.
Mikeymum, I think if I were you. I'd be thankful if my MIL would help me with ironing and folding of clothes if I'm not home. Once my MIL folded my clothes I ironed, I got so angry. Complaint to hubby say why she did that. Ironed and hang means I want to clothes to be straight and lines free. Fold for what...Later I think, sometimes she brings in my laundry and keeps them also. So I try to think she meant well then making myself feeling worse by thinking she is invading my little privacy by touching my clothes. Maybe how about locking your bedroom door when u n hubby goes to work? At least she touch anything, u still have the master bedroom to your own privacy?
I'm new here. Just sharing my point of view on staying with in laws. Been staying with in laws 1 yr already. Now looking for own place to move out and have our own space.
The good thing about staying with in laws is less housework to do. For me I only need to bother about my own room. Thats all. And hubby is a tidy freak unlike me, so times when he cannot stand my untidiness, he'll clean up the room. Keke... But bad thing is the lack of privacy. I used to go braless and wear PJs before I got married. Now there's BIL and FIL ard, have to keep bra on all day.
Unlike many married couples, hubby n I do not have a room to ourselves fully. My BIL shares the room. His clothes and stuff will leave inside the room cause since married to hubby, he moved out to sleep in the living room. So whatever sometimes he and his gf does inside this room, hubby will want me to be accomodating since he already had no room to sleep in. But I do feel disgusted at the thought of what they are doing on our bed and really can't wait to move out.
Like some of them complaint about BIL eating my snacks, I had the same experiences. I'll nag to hubby and after that make hubby buy back for me. If those I really like and not willing to risk it in others tummy, I'll keep in the room. Keke... Other times like breakfast for myself, in order not to find my breakfast missing the next morning, I always make it a point to buy additions, so that even my FIL or BIL eats, I'll still find my breakfast on the table the next morning. So food wise, I learn not to be calculative
My PILs also buy food home and I eat them also. They also never say anything. My MIL loves durians. Once I finished off the whole box, she come back and I apologise, she also never become unhappy. So sometimes to repay their favour, times we dine out or buy food back, I also tell hubby to call his mum to see if she wants anything or we just buy for them. Nowadays hubby made me call back, cos he thinks will foster the relationship between me and them also.
Relationship with PILs, initially there was alot of conflicts, esp at the fact that whenever hubby and I had tensions, they'll take hubby's side and blamed me for making hubby angry. Even it's hubby's fault. Something I cannot take it lying down. But I later find out my MIL sometimes also tell hubby to give in to me when I'm not ard.
Other things like something they'll say things that you'll not like to hear. And initially I feel so stressed when my MIL told me not to accumulate my washing cos she worried when she wants to hang, she'll have no space. So limit me to 1 bamboo stick. Everyday I come home from work just hand wash loh. Lucky my mum staying near me, she told me I can put my clothes in a bag and when I go over, she wash for me (My own house have the whole balcony to hang and lotsa bamboo sticks). Hehe... Me so happy, don't need to even wash clothes this way except my own under garments.
Staying with in laws have to close 2 eyes, and 1 ear in, 1 ear out. Something I learnt. There's bound to be differences since we're all brought up differently by our own parents. Just try to bear with it and learn to try to see it from a positive point of view then a negative one. But of cos, end of the day, I'll still move out cos baby coming out in a few months. No place for the baby plus I do not want more conflicts next time about them fussing over my baby. I know older folks have their experiences, but I did have some knowledge from books on child rearing, I want to bring up my child in my beliefs and not having others trying to duplicate another child of them own through my baby.
Mikeymum, I think if I were you. I'd be thankful if my MIL would help me with ironing and folding of clothes if I'm not home. Once my MIL folded my clothes I ironed, I got so angry. Complaint to hubby say why she did that. Ironed and hang means I want to clothes to be straight and lines free. Fold for what...Later I think, sometimes she brings in my laundry and keeps them also. So I try to think she meant well then making myself feeling worse by thinking she is invading my little privacy by touching my clothes. Maybe how about locking your bedroom door when u n hubby goes to work? At least she touch anything, u still have the master bedroom to your own privacy?
Also one thing I tell myself to be more diam diam is because times I calmed down and think about hubby's position. I think he very poor thing to be sandwiched in between his wife and his family.
So in order that I don't wanna add on more stress to his work stress, unhappiness just diam diam, or at most grumble abit and try to comfort myself that this is only temporary. Anyway, I'm spared from household chorus also. Times I really feel so unhappy when I think of my PILs or BIL, I'll just loiter outside after work, make myself feel so tired when I reach home so that I'll just knocked out then venting my frustrations at hubby.
So in order that I don't wanna add on more stress to his work stress, unhappiness just diam diam, or at most grumble abit and try to comfort myself that this is only temporary. Anyway, I'm spared from household chorus also. Times I really feel so unhappy when I think of my PILs or BIL, I'll just loiter outside after work, make myself feel so tired when I reach home so that I'll just knocked out then venting my frustrations at hubby.
Hi
Have been envying gal frenz who stays with ILs & do not hav much problem.
For me think it is a NO NO. presently HB & me has our own flat. Way b4 our customary told HB dun think it is NOT adviseable to stay with ILs. HB thot so, as he is not really on good terms with FIL. HB knows dat there will b conflicts if we were to stay together.
But somehow, from time to time, i start to worry, what if one of dis day ILs want to move in with us. I cant stand d thot of it.
Hope if dat time comes, HB will stand firm with me on our stand.
Hi Kelcqi and some of d ladies here, it is truth dat staying with ILs may hav lesser hse-work, but dat is provided if d ILs r those who keep their hse clean & span. In my case, both FIL & MIL do not work. FIL do most of d hse-work, including marketing at time. FIL do not like pple to "touch" his kitchen stuff not even turning off d kettle when d water boils.
My MIL, wow, she sleep most of d time, i hardly see her doing any hse-work, except for cooking. And dat is also in rare occassion.
Think MIL lack of sense of hygience, witness how she cooked once, & it really put me off. Vegatable,fish, prawn etc wasn't wash throughly B4 cooking. Dishes & utensils wasn't wash prior to usage, nor was d dishes & utensils wash throughly after used.
Told HB abt d cleanliness, & he said he know. m glad dat HB knows.
Just sharing & @ certain degree, voice out my dismay with my MIL's style of cooking & managing d hse.
It sort of act like a pointer to me, not to b like my MIL. bo-chap abt d hse-work, nor d imp of cleanliness esp when in concern of food-handling.
Have been envying gal frenz who stays with ILs & do not hav much problem.
For me think it is a NO NO. presently HB & me has our own flat. Way b4 our customary told HB dun think it is NOT adviseable to stay with ILs. HB thot so, as he is not really on good terms with FIL. HB knows dat there will b conflicts if we were to stay together.
But somehow, from time to time, i start to worry, what if one of dis day ILs want to move in with us. I cant stand d thot of it.
Hope if dat time comes, HB will stand firm with me on our stand.
Hi Kelcqi and some of d ladies here, it is truth dat staying with ILs may hav lesser hse-work, but dat is provided if d ILs r those who keep their hse clean & span. In my case, both FIL & MIL do not work. FIL do most of d hse-work, including marketing at time. FIL do not like pple to "touch" his kitchen stuff not even turning off d kettle when d water boils.
My MIL, wow, she sleep most of d time, i hardly see her doing any hse-work, except for cooking. And dat is also in rare occassion.
Think MIL lack of sense of hygience, witness how she cooked once, & it really put me off. Vegatable,fish, prawn etc wasn't wash throughly B4 cooking. Dishes & utensils wasn't wash prior to usage, nor was d dishes & utensils wash throughly after used.
Told HB abt d cleanliness, & he said he know. m glad dat HB knows.
Just sharing & @ certain degree, voice out my dismay with my MIL's style of cooking & managing d hse.
It sort of act like a pointer to me, not to b like my MIL. bo-chap abt d hse-work, nor d imp of cleanliness esp when in concern of food-handling.
I am currently staying with my in-law...i feel my MIL is really good. I really feel fortunate that i have home cooked food to eat everyday.
I also dont feel so tired..
So far, my only complain is that there is not enuff pravicy...I got no chance to chat with my hubby...
At times, when we wanna go out & patoh..we feel pai sei to leave our kid with In law because my gal sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night to look for pacifier...so will disturb My -InLaw zzzz as she needs to work the next day...
Then in the end, we also seldom goes out at night...
I also dont feel so tired..
So far, my only complain is that there is not enuff pravicy...I got no chance to chat with my hubby...
At times, when we wanna go out & patoh..we feel pai sei to leave our kid with In law because my gal sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night to look for pacifier...so will disturb My -InLaw zzzz as she needs to work the next day...
Then in the end, we also seldom goes out at night...
Pinpong,
Allow me to rant for awhile.
Sigh, sometimes I feel that my house is very dirty also. The floor is very dirty. But I refused to mop it, reason being I feel that as a housewife, it is your duty to maintain the household. Sometimes I really cannot stand it when she complains when I feel that her life is very stress free already.
I cannot imagine it next time when she babysits my child. I cannot imagine my baby crawling on the floor. Haiz.
Allow me to rant for awhile.
Sigh, sometimes I feel that my house is very dirty also. The floor is very dirty. But I refused to mop it, reason being I feel that as a housewife, it is your duty to maintain the household. Sometimes I really cannot stand it when she complains when I feel that her life is very stress free already.
I cannot imagine it next time when she babysits my child. I cannot imagine my baby crawling on the floor. Haiz.
Hi Kelcqi
Think can understand ur concern abt ".. baby crawling on the floor..."
Though HB & me dun hav a child of our own yet, but from time to time during d visits to FMIL, will wonder what happen when we have our child & bring our child over to visit, given choice, will not let our child eat those unhealthy/cold dishes.
MIL is plain too lazy or bo-chap to re-heat dishes which has turned cold. or shuld i say she dun bother to cook twice in a day. u see she cook once in a day, cooked liao, leave d dishes on d table, for lunch & Dinner. Imagine seeing those over-cooked yellowish vegetables, fried fishes turn cold. Making my stomach turns..
Once i phay tahan liao, voiced out let re-heat d dishes, she said something like, "...can eat lal, cooked alr, just not dat warm.." faint, she called it not dat warm. from ard 1pm to 5pm & d dishes is just not dat warm..
Sigh...
Think can understand ur concern abt ".. baby crawling on the floor..."
Though HB & me dun hav a child of our own yet, but from time to time during d visits to FMIL, will wonder what happen when we have our child & bring our child over to visit, given choice, will not let our child eat those unhealthy/cold dishes.
MIL is plain too lazy or bo-chap to re-heat dishes which has turned cold. or shuld i say she dun bother to cook twice in a day. u see she cook once in a day, cooked liao, leave d dishes on d table, for lunch & Dinner. Imagine seeing those over-cooked yellowish vegetables, fried fishes turn cold. Making my stomach turns..
Once i phay tahan liao, voiced out let re-heat d dishes, she said something like, "...can eat lal, cooked alr, just not dat warm.." faint, she called it not dat warm. from ard 1pm to 5pm & d dishes is just not dat warm..
Sigh...
Pinpong,
Your MIl cooks once a day, I tell you something. My MIL one week sometimes don't even cook once. She and my FIL sleeps in until 12 plus afternoon, wake up, go out for lunch. Dinner, my MIL either not eat, or get hubby, BIL or myself to tabao for her. Sigh.
Her free nites, she goes for mahjong or watch tv. Only housework she's regular is washing clothes every 2-3 days. Accumulate until toilet no place for pails sometimes then she wash. Floor, maybe once a mth she mop, other times, hubby cannot stand it and he mops.
She recently lost the hanger I hung my undies. She likes to bring my undies out to dry, and alot of times ended up in e rain. My reason for hanging it indoors is so that they'll not catch the rain, but recently she brought it out and think my undies together with the hanger drop off, imagine she went to tell hubby I prolly never hang properly, so it dropped off. I was so angry but in order not to make hubby unhappy, I DIAM DIAM again. Lucky hubby know I unhappy, he brought me shopping for new undies and paid for it. Keke...
I seriously hope my MIL will clean the floor more often if she babysits my baby next time. If she never change her habits, I'll withdraw baby from her care be it hubby happy or not.
My advise to you if you have your kid next time. When you go over, tabao food or cook yourself and bring it over to your in laws place to feed. If your MIL comment on anything, just let her know your concerns over your child's health. Food left outside so long alot of bacteria one, how to give to young children?
I'm so happy that we got our own flat already. Getting the keys in a few mths time. Dunno to be happy cos it's gonna be some distance away. Good thing is we have our privacy, bad thing is my in laws place is near to my mum's place, staying away means staying far from my parents also. Sigh...
Your MIl cooks once a day, I tell you something. My MIL one week sometimes don't even cook once. She and my FIL sleeps in until 12 plus afternoon, wake up, go out for lunch. Dinner, my MIL either not eat, or get hubby, BIL or myself to tabao for her. Sigh.
Her free nites, she goes for mahjong or watch tv. Only housework she's regular is washing clothes every 2-3 days. Accumulate until toilet no place for pails sometimes then she wash. Floor, maybe once a mth she mop, other times, hubby cannot stand it and he mops.
She recently lost the hanger I hung my undies. She likes to bring my undies out to dry, and alot of times ended up in e rain. My reason for hanging it indoors is so that they'll not catch the rain, but recently she brought it out and think my undies together with the hanger drop off, imagine she went to tell hubby I prolly never hang properly, so it dropped off. I was so angry but in order not to make hubby unhappy, I DIAM DIAM again. Lucky hubby know I unhappy, he brought me shopping for new undies and paid for it. Keke...
I seriously hope my MIL will clean the floor more often if she babysits my baby next time. If she never change her habits, I'll withdraw baby from her care be it hubby happy or not.
My advise to you if you have your kid next time. When you go over, tabao food or cook yourself and bring it over to your in laws place to feed. If your MIL comment on anything, just let her know your concerns over your child's health. Food left outside so long alot of bacteria one, how to give to young children?
I'm so happy that we got our own flat already. Getting the keys in a few mths time. Dunno to be happy cos it's gonna be some distance away. Good thing is we have our privacy, bad thing is my in laws place is near to my mum's place, staying away means staying far from my parents also. Sigh...
Hi Kelcqi
sigh.. at time, really hav to "ren" for d sake of our HB & for our relationship.
yeap, lucky ur HB "automatic" & sensitive to ur response.
nv lal, take it as a time to replenish & replace undies..hehee..
nv thot of dat, until u mentioned bring food over to ILs place for our child(dat is when we hav kid). thanx, think i will do dat..
hm.. Kelcqi
i know what u meant, if u r visiting ur mum's place & it is near to ur ILs' place, think will be visitng both side as well..
sigh.. at time, really hav to "ren" for d sake of our HB & for our relationship.
yeap, lucky ur HB "automatic" & sensitive to ur response.
nv lal, take it as a time to replenish & replace undies..hehee..
nv thot of dat, until u mentioned bring food over to ILs place for our child(dat is when we hav kid). thanx, think i will do dat..
hm.. Kelcqi
i know what u meant, if u r visiting ur mum's place & it is near to ur ILs' place, think will be visitng both side as well..
Pinpong,
Yaloh, lucky hubby knows how to automatic, but this period of time so hard to get undies cos my tummy expanding. New undies so uncomfortable.
I also "Ren" for peace and relationship with Hubby, we used to quarrel over my in laws until almost divorce, cos to him, he thinks no matter how unreasonable his parents are, they are still his parents and he can't possibly give up his parents for his wife. And becos his parents know abt that, they often take advantage of him in terms of money also. Sigh. What to do?
Pinpong, hope you'll have a kid soon. I also worried abt what my gal will eat at my in laws place next time under their care, but that's something I need to worry 1 yr from now when my gal is out and on solids, meanwhile, I try not to think so much.
I think next time my in laws will be unhappy wif me if I go back too often also. Imagine once my MIL told me I married into their family, my focus should be in this family liao, and shouldn't be contributing so much back also. So angry when I heard that.
Yaloh, lucky hubby knows how to automatic, but this period of time so hard to get undies cos my tummy expanding. New undies so uncomfortable.
I also "Ren" for peace and relationship with Hubby, we used to quarrel over my in laws until almost divorce, cos to him, he thinks no matter how unreasonable his parents are, they are still his parents and he can't possibly give up his parents for his wife. And becos his parents know abt that, they often take advantage of him in terms of money also. Sigh. What to do?
Pinpong, hope you'll have a kid soon. I also worried abt what my gal will eat at my in laws place next time under their care, but that's something I need to worry 1 yr from now when my gal is out and on solids, meanwhile, I try not to think so much.
I think next time my in laws will be unhappy wif me if I go back too often also. Imagine once my MIL told me I married into their family, my focus should be in this family liao, and shouldn't be contributing so much back also. So angry when I heard that.
"ren" liao, if HB understands & b more caring & loving den is sort of worth it. At least know dat our effort is not wasted. If otherwise, will b heart pain.
Thanx, Kelcqi. will only b starting to TTC in April or mayb later.
Yeap, dun think too much for now, concentrate on taking good care of urself & bb..
Think it is reasonable to vist ur mum's plc regardless of d frequency. It is our parents too, d ones dat brought us up.
If MIL will to say to me dat hav to focus more on HB's family, i will not b happy too. Both sides r my family, though i will confess dat i will tend to "favour" my parents more.
Thanx, Kelcqi. will only b starting to TTC in April or mayb later.
Yeap, dun think too much for now, concentrate on taking good care of urself & bb..
Think it is reasonable to vist ur mum's plc regardless of d frequency. It is our parents too, d ones dat brought us up.
If MIL will to say to me dat hav to focus more on HB's family, i will not b happy too. Both sides r my family, though i will confess dat i will tend to "favour" my parents more.
Pinpong,
I also 'favour' my parents more. Cos my parents will care more for me and hubby but my in laws cares more for hubby and my bb. Sometimes I feel so unhappy abt that. Even sometimes is hubby's fault, my PILs also blame me. Can see the favortism very obviously...
Sometimes I cannot stand it when my MIL thinks their family should be the priority of my life, but I'm the least important member of their family.
I "ren" but sometimes hubby takes it for granted. Makes me feel so pissed off.
I also 'favour' my parents more. Cos my parents will care more for me and hubby but my in laws cares more for hubby and my bb. Sometimes I feel so unhappy abt that. Even sometimes is hubby's fault, my PILs also blame me. Can see the favortism very obviously...
Sometimes I cannot stand it when my MIL thinks their family should be the priority of my life, but I'm the least important member of their family.
I "ren" but sometimes hubby takes it for granted. Makes me feel so pissed off.
Hi Kelcqi
Think it is also due to we have been growing/brought up by our parents, who know our liking, behavious liao
Marrying into another family with another set of life style so there bound to b conflicts.
Really cant stand those who think dat other pple daugther or children r not daugther or children. only their daugther or children r daugther or children.
So far my parents treat HB d same way as they do to my bro & me. For eg, when my parents dun know whether HB like certain food which we favours, they will ask HB or me.
Oh, but there is some different in term of "nagging", my parents will nag @ my bro & me, but they seldom do dat to HB.
For in law side, favourism can b seem too. Just an e.g, MIL will pour drinks for her sons & daugther but nv her DILs.
Not dat i dun hav hands to do it myself, but it is plain obvious, dat wasnt taken as a daugther.
sigh..
sometime really feel sad...
Think it is also due to we have been growing/brought up by our parents, who know our liking, behavious liao
Marrying into another family with another set of life style so there bound to b conflicts.
Really cant stand those who think dat other pple daugther or children r not daugther or children. only their daugther or children r daugther or children.
So far my parents treat HB d same way as they do to my bro & me. For eg, when my parents dun know whether HB like certain food which we favours, they will ask HB or me.
Oh, but there is some different in term of "nagging", my parents will nag @ my bro & me, but they seldom do dat to HB.
For in law side, favourism can b seem too. Just an e.g, MIL will pour drinks for her sons & daugther but nv her DILs.
Not dat i dun hav hands to do it myself, but it is plain obvious, dat wasnt taken as a daugther.
sigh..
sometime really feel sad...
Hi Mummies,
Just want to share my stories
I had never stay with my IL.. but my hubby is a <font color="ff0000">"MUMMY'S BOY"</font>
I love my FIL very much even my family members love him as well.. <font color="ff0000">"He is a great FIL"</font>
Hubby and i steady for 10yrs and married for 2 yrs.. Now, i'm 8 mths and 2 weeks pregnant.
<font color="0000ff">MIL says:</font> - (but i don't care what she says)
<font size="+2"><font color="ff0000">before marry: Steady enough but don need to marry..
after married: married enough but don need to give birth..
if hubby and i quarrel: not happy then divorce or stay together enough dun need to talk..
now pregnant: 1 baby enough, don go for 2nd baby..</font></font>
1) I talked to my hubby for years, then he agreed to get marry and knew that his mum is in the wrong.
2) I told him that it's not a complete family if we do not have any baby.. I asked him why your mum have 3 children and i can't have even 1 baby.. after talking for a yr, he knew that his mum is in the wrong.
3) I ended up taking depression medicine when my hubby listen to his mum and not talking to me for nearly 5 months before pregnant and 3 months during my pregnacy.. i cry and cry and beg them don treat me this way..
My FIL, BIL, SIL(BIL's wife) and even his eldest nephew(only 12 yrs old) told my hubby that MIL is in the wrong. My MIL DON ALLOW my BIL and SIL(her own daughter) talked for nearly 22 years due to some misunderstanding during their school time and DON ALLOW my hubby and SIL(her own daughter) talked for nearly 8 years due to using a bathroom.. <font color="ff0000">their mum tok her 3 children, don need to talk to each other if not happy..</font>
Now my hubby realised that his mum is in the wrong.. even his aunties broadcast his mum bad behaviour during chinese new year..(she went oversea with her friends and told us not to visit anyone when she is not around and esp cannot go my FIL's side, no one listen to her accept my hubby but again, i have to slowly explained that his mum is in the wrong) tired but lucky his listened to me..
4) My MIL do not know how to cook.. She have 2 grandsons (12 yrs old and 4 yrs old) she did not do confinement for her elder daughter as my SIL's family is @ Malaysia so dun need to do "show".. But nw, she insist she wans to do confinement for me as my family and relatives are all Singaporean. My mum used to be a confinement lady when i was young but my MIL do not know how to cook only know how to do "show" for my family, relatives and most important person is my hubby. But now, i kept telling my hubby that "now u should know your own mum, please help me"
<font color="ff6000">very sorry, just want to let go my feeling</font>
But now, I am very very happy as my hubby understand what is going on.
Just want to share my stories
I had never stay with my IL.. but my hubby is a <font color="ff0000">"MUMMY'S BOY"</font>
I love my FIL very much even my family members love him as well.. <font color="ff0000">"He is a great FIL"</font>
Hubby and i steady for 10yrs and married for 2 yrs.. Now, i'm 8 mths and 2 weeks pregnant.
<font color="0000ff">MIL says:</font> - (but i don't care what she says)
<font size="+2"><font color="ff0000">before marry: Steady enough but don need to marry..
after married: married enough but don need to give birth..
if hubby and i quarrel: not happy then divorce or stay together enough dun need to talk..
now pregnant: 1 baby enough, don go for 2nd baby..</font></font>
1) I talked to my hubby for years, then he agreed to get marry and knew that his mum is in the wrong.
2) I told him that it's not a complete family if we do not have any baby.. I asked him why your mum have 3 children and i can't have even 1 baby.. after talking for a yr, he knew that his mum is in the wrong.
3) I ended up taking depression medicine when my hubby listen to his mum and not talking to me for nearly 5 months before pregnant and 3 months during my pregnacy.. i cry and cry and beg them don treat me this way..
My FIL, BIL, SIL(BIL's wife) and even his eldest nephew(only 12 yrs old) told my hubby that MIL is in the wrong. My MIL DON ALLOW my BIL and SIL(her own daughter) talked for nearly 22 years due to some misunderstanding during their school time and DON ALLOW my hubby and SIL(her own daughter) talked for nearly 8 years due to using a bathroom.. <font color="ff0000">their mum tok her 3 children, don need to talk to each other if not happy..</font>
Now my hubby realised that his mum is in the wrong.. even his aunties broadcast his mum bad behaviour during chinese new year..(she went oversea with her friends and told us not to visit anyone when she is not around and esp cannot go my FIL's side, no one listen to her accept my hubby but again, i have to slowly explained that his mum is in the wrong) tired but lucky his listened to me..
4) My MIL do not know how to cook.. She have 2 grandsons (12 yrs old and 4 yrs old) she did not do confinement for her elder daughter as my SIL's family is @ Malaysia so dun need to do "show".. But nw, she insist she wans to do confinement for me as my family and relatives are all Singaporean. My mum used to be a confinement lady when i was young but my MIL do not know how to cook only know how to do "show" for my family, relatives and most important person is my hubby. But now, i kept telling my hubby that "now u should know your own mum, please help me"
<font color="ff6000">very sorry, just want to let go my feeling</font>
But now, I am very very happy as my hubby understand what is going on.
Pinpong,
My parents also treat hubby and I the same also. Anything they give me, they'll not shortchange hubby also. Even every CNY, we get the same amount for Ang Pows from my parents. But comes to in laws, there's a difference in the amount. Not that I mind about the money, but need to do it so obviously meh?
I remembered when we first got married. Hubby and I quarrelled. My MIL came into my room and blamed me for making hubby angry, and made me go out at 1am to look for hubby. I got so scared and went home to my mum's place cos I scare my MIL will be unhappy if I come home without hubby. Guess what my FIL said? He still point the finger at me say I was trying to make my parents think that they are bullying me by going home. Imagine how unreasonable they can be?
This morning I was so pissed. MIL came into my room WITHOUT knocking and asked me where my hubby is. For so many days I didn't get to sleep well, she woke me up to answer a stupid question. If really care for her son, give him a call lah. Wake me up to ans her questions. So inconsiderate. Even hubby sick, she also do that. Imagine hubby whole nite not well, I already stayed up with him. Come morning, she woke me up and ask me how is hubby? Cannot see for herself meh? If really care, then stay up to look after him lah. She gets her sleep and when she's not tired, come disturb others from their sleep!
Juanjuan,
Welcome to this thread. I seriously find this thread a good place to vent our frustrations over our in laws.
I can't believe any mothers try to break up other's family and teach such things to their own kids. Mind asking you a qn?
Did she grow up from a broken family or is she divorced from your FIL? To me, she seems so jealous of her son knowing another gal and starting their own family. How can anyone be so selfish?
I was in depression in my early pregnancy also becos of alot of conflicts with my hubby. My PILs did nothing to help except making things worse. My FIL changed his words(I spoke to him about hubby and he told me hubby was in the wrong) and told my hubby I am a difficult wife to handle. Can you imagine that?
I almost killed myself because of them. My BIL brought his gf home and used our bed for sexual activities, in the end I find the bed so disgusting and my FIL said I am trying to start trouble. If he's ok with the idea, then offer his own bed lah. Only know how to talk and no action. Everything only know how to point fingers at others without reflecting on themselves.
I'm now seeing a counselor and whatever unhappiness I have over my in laws, I poured it out to her, and hubby heard it. That counselor always helps me to talk to my hubby without hubby getting mad. Hubby wanted me to stop seeing her but I feel that I don't wanna stop until one day my in laws are no longer ard. Haha...
My MIL will not be doing confinement for me. Thank God! But she'll be babysitting my gal next time. I can't imagine what is gonna happen next time.
My parents also treat hubby and I the same also. Anything they give me, they'll not shortchange hubby also. Even every CNY, we get the same amount for Ang Pows from my parents. But comes to in laws, there's a difference in the amount. Not that I mind about the money, but need to do it so obviously meh?
I remembered when we first got married. Hubby and I quarrelled. My MIL came into my room and blamed me for making hubby angry, and made me go out at 1am to look for hubby. I got so scared and went home to my mum's place cos I scare my MIL will be unhappy if I come home without hubby. Guess what my FIL said? He still point the finger at me say I was trying to make my parents think that they are bullying me by going home. Imagine how unreasonable they can be?
This morning I was so pissed. MIL came into my room WITHOUT knocking and asked me where my hubby is. For so many days I didn't get to sleep well, she woke me up to answer a stupid question. If really care for her son, give him a call lah. Wake me up to ans her questions. So inconsiderate. Even hubby sick, she also do that. Imagine hubby whole nite not well, I already stayed up with him. Come morning, she woke me up and ask me how is hubby? Cannot see for herself meh? If really care, then stay up to look after him lah. She gets her sleep and when she's not tired, come disturb others from their sleep!
Juanjuan,
Welcome to this thread. I seriously find this thread a good place to vent our frustrations over our in laws.
I can't believe any mothers try to break up other's family and teach such things to their own kids. Mind asking you a qn?
Did she grow up from a broken family or is she divorced from your FIL? To me, she seems so jealous of her son knowing another gal and starting their own family. How can anyone be so selfish?
I was in depression in my early pregnancy also becos of alot of conflicts with my hubby. My PILs did nothing to help except making things worse. My FIL changed his words(I spoke to him about hubby and he told me hubby was in the wrong) and told my hubby I am a difficult wife to handle. Can you imagine that?
I almost killed myself because of them. My BIL brought his gf home and used our bed for sexual activities, in the end I find the bed so disgusting and my FIL said I am trying to start trouble. If he's ok with the idea, then offer his own bed lah. Only know how to talk and no action. Everything only know how to point fingers at others without reflecting on themselves.
I'm now seeing a counselor and whatever unhappiness I have over my in laws, I poured it out to her, and hubby heard it. That counselor always helps me to talk to my hubby without hubby getting mad. Hubby wanted me to stop seeing her but I feel that I don't wanna stop until one day my in laws are no longer ard. Haha...
My MIL will not be doing confinement for me. Thank God! But she'll be babysitting my gal next time. I can't imagine what is gonna happen next time.
Hi kelqci
Yeap, for angbao case, whatever my bro & I got, HB got too..
My mama will cook HB’s favourite soup after learning dat HB like it, esp when we go over for dinner.
Just like when my mama knows dat my bro like a particular dish, she will prepare dat too.
Till now dun understand y there r parents out there dat dun think other pple’s children can b treat differently.
Not dat dun understand favourism, not no need dat obvious ba…
Sigh.. double standard! Hate it..
Wow.. if asked me to go look for HB in d mid of d nite, I will panic & lose too…
Will u b doing ur confinement at ur parent's plc?
Hi Juanjuan
Cant comprehend, & cant accept dat there r parents out there who asked their children not to talk to each other.
Harmony, bonding in d family is imp, how on earth can someone stop someone from communicating with each other.
Glad dat ur HB understand it..
Yeap, for angbao case, whatever my bro & I got, HB got too..
My mama will cook HB’s favourite soup after learning dat HB like it, esp when we go over for dinner.
Just like when my mama knows dat my bro like a particular dish, she will prepare dat too.
Till now dun understand y there r parents out there dat dun think other pple’s children can b treat differently.
Not dat dun understand favourism, not no need dat obvious ba…
Sigh.. double standard! Hate it..
Wow.. if asked me to go look for HB in d mid of d nite, I will panic & lose too…
Will u b doing ur confinement at ur parent's plc?
Hi Juanjuan
Cant comprehend, & cant accept dat there r parents out there who asked their children not to talk to each other.
Harmony, bonding in d family is imp, how on earth can someone stop someone from communicating with each other.
Glad dat ur HB understand it..
Pinpong,
Yah, I'll be doing confinement at my mum's place. Hehe. Heng ah, at least someone there to help me instead of me alone with the CL. My CL keep asking me why I cannot get the house earlier, guess she scare she kanna watched by my mum. But my MIL said she'll pop by during my confinement to see me and the baby. Well, I can't say anything to that lah, since it's her grandchild also. As long as don't interfere with anything, I'll keep quiet.
I also dunno why my PILs like that. In front of hubby they said treat me as their own daugther, but all these little actions speaks differently leh... Becos of that, I also don't treat them as my own parents also.
Yah, I'll be doing confinement at my mum's place. Hehe. Heng ah, at least someone there to help me instead of me alone with the CL. My CL keep asking me why I cannot get the house earlier, guess she scare she kanna watched by my mum. But my MIL said she'll pop by during my confinement to see me and the baby. Well, I can't say anything to that lah, since it's her grandchild also. As long as don't interfere with anything, I'll keep quiet.
I also dunno why my PILs like that. In front of hubby they said treat me as their own daugther, but all these little actions speaks differently leh... Becos of that, I also don't treat them as my own parents also.
