tanlengleng
Active Member
I see.
We sleep in the same room as our 3 kids too.
We sleep in the same room as our 3 kids too.
A meaningless marriage....
- Thread starter bemybaby
- Start date
I can share the sentiments of those in this post.
I am trapped in a meaningless marriage as well. The only difference is my 'better half' ran away form Singapore after he learnt I was expecting. I have to deal with EVERYTHING on my own now.
To make matters worst, my dad is going senile and acting like my IL's best friends. I just cant stand my situation now..
I am trapped in a meaningless marriage as well. The only difference is my 'better half' ran away form Singapore after he learnt I was expecting. I have to deal with EVERYTHING on my own now.
To make matters worst, my dad is going senile and acting like my IL's best friends. I just cant stand my situation now..
I am sure alot of moms and dads stay in marriages because of our children.
it sure is alot to deal with the "now" but its also important that we teach our children the right way to treat their partners so that they don't repeat the mistakes we have to deal with currently like irresponsible other half running away, treating your other half without respect, cheating, lying, being self centered, to do the right thing even if it is harder.
it sure is alot to deal with the "now" but its also important that we teach our children the right way to treat their partners so that they don't repeat the mistakes we have to deal with currently like irresponsible other half running away, treating your other half without respect, cheating, lying, being self centered, to do the right thing even if it is harder.
sweet_pooh_28
New Member
If any of you thinks that you still wanna safe your marraige for whatever reason, i suggest you grab yourself a copy of Fireproof DVD and a Love Dare Book. But beware.. it really takes a very humble heart to even do the challenge! Even those whose marraige are not on the rock feels so. But if you did and complete it, your marriage may be one of the most blissful one.... The aim is not your pride, its to safe yr marriage. oh yes, try to watch it wif you other hlaf. If not, u can always that the leap to do the love dare challenge secerately. The 1st few days is very easy, beyond that is though but that is also the best if the book.
sharon_ang
Member
sweetpooh, the book is good but it does not help in all instances and moreover our culture are different from them
desparate_wife
Active Member
sorry to say this, some counsellor mess up the matter even worse. I tried before, instead of solving the problem they create more problems.
I feel if our own problem we can't solve wat can the counsellor do. Some of them are even younger then us. They don't have the life experience
I feel if our own problem we can't solve wat can the counsellor do. Some of them are even younger then us. They don't have the life experience
My heart goes out to all the hurt women here.. I've endured a painful past as well (not on marriage, but with men)..
Marriage or not, any good relationship will need commitment to everything.. If u feel that your partner is not willing to commit 100% to the marriage, it's better to give up la.. No point using 1 hand to try to clap.. Commit means making the effort to improve, be it on communication, finance, sex, kids, violence, gambling etc.. IF your hubby doesn't want to, don't keep wishing for it.. It will not happen.. Decide if u want to remain like this for the rest of your life.. I've had my fair share of rotten men to know..
I married my hubby cos he was just an average nice guy I met during my lowest point in life but after going through that and many more tough experiences, I realized he's a great guy in spite of our very different "everything" (character - I'm the dominating one.. finance - his family is poor while mine is quite well to do.. upbringing - his is traditional, mine is not.. freedom - he's the private one who likes his "space" while I'm the clingy one.. etc) Basically, we are extreme opposites.. Everyone who knew us expected us not to last..
Naturally there were many areas to compromise on and we had our woes as well.. It really took a lot of effort, heartaches (sometimes we use hurtful words when we get emo), coldwars, threats, yelling, going crazy & even a slap for me (it was a wake-up slap for me cos I was getting over emotional at that point of time)..
After 6yrs, we're STILL compromising.. haha.. It's not easy but I'm glad my marriage is going strong atm.. And no, we're definitely not those mushy kind of couples.. I guess we're more like best friends, gossiping couples.. Trusting and loving..
I told him "Relationship is like an empty box.. When u put in, I will put in.. When u take out, I will withdraw also.. Be careful of what u put in or take out.. The more good stuff u input, the richer our lives will be, then it'll be easier living together.." haha..
Just my 2cents worth.. Sorry if I offended anyone here.. Anyway, I salute the women here who can endure for so long! I'm not a very patient person so I wouldn't have endured these nonsense as long as any of u.. I would have kicked the man out already!
Marriage or not, any good relationship will need commitment to everything.. If u feel that your partner is not willing to commit 100% to the marriage, it's better to give up la.. No point using 1 hand to try to clap.. Commit means making the effort to improve, be it on communication, finance, sex, kids, violence, gambling etc.. IF your hubby doesn't want to, don't keep wishing for it.. It will not happen.. Decide if u want to remain like this for the rest of your life.. I've had my fair share of rotten men to know..
I married my hubby cos he was just an average nice guy I met during my lowest point in life but after going through that and many more tough experiences, I realized he's a great guy in spite of our very different "everything" (character - I'm the dominating one.. finance - his family is poor while mine is quite well to do.. upbringing - his is traditional, mine is not.. freedom - he's the private one who likes his "space" while I'm the clingy one.. etc) Basically, we are extreme opposites.. Everyone who knew us expected us not to last..
Naturally there were many areas to compromise on and we had our woes as well.. It really took a lot of effort, heartaches (sometimes we use hurtful words when we get emo), coldwars, threats, yelling, going crazy & even a slap for me (it was a wake-up slap for me cos I was getting over emotional at that point of time)..
After 6yrs, we're STILL compromising.. haha.. It's not easy but I'm glad my marriage is going strong atm.. And no, we're definitely not those mushy kind of couples.. I guess we're more like best friends, gossiping couples.. Trusting and loving..
I told him "Relationship is like an empty box.. When u put in, I will put in.. When u take out, I will withdraw also.. Be careful of what u put in or take out.. The more good stuff u input, the richer our lives will be, then it'll be easier living together.." haha..
Just my 2cents worth.. Sorry if I offended anyone here.. Anyway, I salute the women here who can endure for so long! I'm not a very patient person so I wouldn't have endured these nonsense as long as any of u.. I would have kicked the man out already!
It takes 2 hands to clap. And i am very sick and tired of trying already. Would like to go through a divorce. Can somebody please help? I am stucked.
I am married for going-to-be-4yrs this May.
I have 2 children, a 3+yo boy & an 8mths old girl.
I am currently staying with my in-laws with no support from my own family.
I am earning a pathetic gross salary of $1500/mth.
My MIL is the one taking care of my kids.
i need advise on the following :
1) How do i start on a divorce procedure? I've ever read that if u are married for more than 3 yrs, a separation deed is not needed. is that true?
3) Housing. Can i rent a flat or buy a flat from HDB? i am looking for rental but my gross is $1.5k. Will my application get rejected?
I cant wait to end all these and carry on with my life. We've been dragging for a very long time and i am sure that hubby will nv change. I've given him many many chances but he disappoints me with the similar issues again and again. i've had enough..
HELP!!!
I am married for going-to-be-4yrs this May.
I have 2 children, a 3+yo boy & an 8mths old girl.
I am currently staying with my in-laws with no support from my own family.
I am earning a pathetic gross salary of $1500/mth.
My MIL is the one taking care of my kids.
i need advise on the following :
1) How do i start on a divorce procedure? I've ever read that if u are married for more than 3 yrs, a separation deed is not needed. is that true?
3) Housing. Can i rent a flat or buy a flat from HDB? i am looking for rental but my gross is $1.5k. Will my application get rejected?
I cant wait to end all these and carry on with my life. We've been dragging for a very long time and i am sure that hubby will nv change. I've given him many many chances but he disappoints me with the similar issues again and again. i've had enough..
HELP!!!
hi ziyrl, to start divorce, u must Firstly, the jurisdiction issue- whether the applicants are Singapore citizen or resident in Singapore (for more than 3 years). A foreigner married in a foreign country may also file for divorce in Singapore if either party qualify under the domicile or habitual resident clause, assuming that the ground for irretrievable breakdown has also been satisfied.
Secondly, the parties must have been married for more than 3 years. For parties who are married for at least less than 3 years, leave will only be granted under certain circumstances.
Thirdly, whether one of the five reasons which have caused the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage stated in section 95(3) (a ) to (e) of the Woman's Charter has been satisfied. The most commonly used reason is unreasonable behaviour, which encompass behaviour such as violence, gambling, intimate association with third parties, insufficient payment of maintenance, the use of vulgarities or abusive language, or even reluctance to engage in sexual intercourse without valid reason. For adultery, the burden of proof appears to be higher, and invariably requires a private investigator's report, even if the hearing is uncontested. The other reasons are desertion and separation. The Court does not order costs to be paid by the Defendant in the case of a Divorce Writ filed on the basis of separation
Secondly, the parties must have been married for more than 3 years. For parties who are married for at least less than 3 years, leave will only be granted under certain circumstances.
Thirdly, whether one of the five reasons which have caused the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage stated in section 95(3) (a ) to (e) of the Woman's Charter has been satisfied. The most commonly used reason is unreasonable behaviour, which encompass behaviour such as violence, gambling, intimate association with third parties, insufficient payment of maintenance, the use of vulgarities or abusive language, or even reluctance to engage in sexual intercourse without valid reason. For adultery, the burden of proof appears to be higher, and invariably requires a private investigator's report, even if the hearing is uncontested. The other reasons are desertion and separation. The Court does not order costs to be paid by the Defendant in the case of a Divorce Writ filed on the basis of separation
tanlengleng
Active Member
Hi ziyrlvliina.love4eva,
I hope my post don't come too late...
Do take sometime & ponder for a while.
1. How did you end up marrying him?
2. What happened now? Did he change, or did you change?
3. Who's going to look after your kids after the divorce?
4. How are you going to jarggle work, kids, home, kids' schoolwork, baby's night feed?
5. Is your hubby earning enough to pay for maintenance for your kids' schoolfees,
infant care/nanny care, living expenses?
If there's no support from your own family,
at least your MIL is giving some help now.
Take care.
I hope my post don't come too late...
Do take sometime & ponder for a while.
1. How did you end up marrying him?
2. What happened now? Did he change, or did you change?
3. Who's going to look after your kids after the divorce?
4. How are you going to jarggle work, kids, home, kids' schoolwork, baby's night feed?
5. Is your hubby earning enough to pay for maintenance for your kids' schoolfees,
infant care/nanny care, living expenses?
If there's no support from your own family,
at least your MIL is giving some help now.
Take care.
whiteclover
New Member
anyone can advise me how much did you spend on the legal fees for custody care and control ONLY?
my lawyer is billing me over $3K for the initial stage(answering queries, application, etc.. photocopy, general svcs).
Sometimes i wonder if our legal bills should be paid by those men who created problems to the marriage.
haiz.. how much more do i have to pay to settle the legal case?what if he contested.. and adding more to the bills? what shld i do?
btw, i failed the legal aid bureau's mean test...
but i paid the most bills...
my lawyer is billing me over $3K for the initial stage(answering queries, application, etc.. photocopy, general svcs).
Sometimes i wonder if our legal bills should be paid by those men who created problems to the marriage.
haiz.. how much more do i have to pay to settle the legal case?what if he contested.. and adding more to the bills? what shld i do?
btw, i failed the legal aid bureau's mean test...
wendy_reborn
Active Member
whitclover, think your legal fees is on the high side
whiteclover
New Member
1) custody - usually joint custody, unless your man has criminal records/ violence act against your child..
2) if you dont want MIL to continue to look after bb, then you better plan something soon.
3) judge will think that MIL to look after ur bb is the best option. Putting your bb to infant care centre is definitely not favourable to you if you fight for care and control since you have lesser time with your bb.However, at infant stage the bb will be granted to natural mother. But you must hv someone such as extended family member/s to take care your bb. Infant care ctr is not the best option as compare to your MIL.. that is what my lawyer told me.
Seek for legal advice then they wil tell you more.
"Surrogate mother can never replaced the natural mother"
2) if you dont want MIL to continue to look after bb, then you better plan something soon.
3) judge will think that MIL to look after ur bb is the best option. Putting your bb to infant care centre is definitely not favourable to you if you fight for care and control since you have lesser time with your bb.However, at infant stage the bb will be granted to natural mother. But you must hv someone such as extended family member/s to take care your bb. Infant care ctr is not the best option as compare to your MIL.. that is what my lawyer told me.
Seek for legal advice then they wil tell you more.
"Surrogate mother can never replaced the natural mother"
Whiteclover,
But the problem is I am a Malaysian. All my family members at malaysia. Can I bring my baby back to Malaysia? or rent a room for both of us and ask my mum come to singapore and take care of him?
I am very worry everytimes think of this issue. Regret not to give birth at Malaysia.
Anyway, recently, hb and mine r/s seen like going back to previous. No more quarrel.. As long as we did not talk about his parents..
But the problem is I am a Malaysian. All my family members at malaysia. Can I bring my baby back to Malaysia? or rent a room for both of us and ask my mum come to singapore and take care of him?
I am very worry everytimes think of this issue. Regret not to give birth at Malaysia.
Anyway, recently, hb and mine r/s seen like going back to previous. No more quarrel.. As long as we did not talk about his parents..
whiteclover
New Member
Hi Dong, sorry for the very late reply here.
hw are you now? i hope everything is well.
Okay, the other day when i went for mediation session. I saw one Angmoh woman and hubby fighting over custody care and control. I even heard fm lawyers that singapore hubby divorced japanese wife in sg..etc
So if u are legally married in sg, then it shouldnt be any problem. (i think so). i do not know if you can take your child out of sg, i mean so long your hubby wont chase after you using legal action...
I personally think that.. before anything happened, plan well first. Like what you said.. your bb taken care by your own family members.. i personally think it is a gd idea. if you leave the child to his parents then i would say when if you fighting custody care and control... then likelihood the child will remain at your in law place. Judge doesnt wish to remove the child from his/her familiar environment & caregiver.
All in all, i hope you are okay with your hubby now. dont be implusive. Think of the child but never quarrel infront of your child.
Wish you luck!
hw are you now? i hope everything is well.
Okay, the other day when i went for mediation session. I saw one Angmoh woman and hubby fighting over custody care and control. I even heard fm lawyers that singapore hubby divorced japanese wife in sg..etc
So if u are legally married in sg, then it shouldnt be any problem. (i think so). i do not know if you can take your child out of sg, i mean so long your hubby wont chase after you using legal action...
I personally think that.. before anything happened, plan well first. Like what you said.. your bb taken care by your own family members.. i personally think it is a gd idea. if you leave the child to his parents then i would say when if you fighting custody care and control... then likelihood the child will remain at your in law place. Judge doesnt wish to remove the child from his/her familiar environment & caregiver.
All in all, i hope you are okay with your hubby now. dont be implusive. Think of the child but never quarrel infront of your child.
Wish you luck!
fashiongaga
Member
I realize why so many divorce cases now cause everyone only think about themselves and children but neglect relationship with husband. Ask whether u have also been different after marriage. Read that to reconnect with hubby need to find that spark that make u two fall in love again. Men
Are like kids need to be pampered too. So stop complaining no one likes a complainer but do something to make things work. Do not dwell in unhappiness , create your happiness.
Are like kids need to be pampered too. So stop complaining no one likes a complainer but do something to make things work. Do not dwell in unhappiness , create your happiness.
pingping
Active Member
It takes a lot of courage to initiate a divorce esp for a woman with kids. Most women are more tolerant in a marriage cos of love for the husband and kids. However, mostly it's the husband who takes the wife for granted and feel they are trapped in a marriage with abundant responsibilities. Read the forum, and you will observe how selfish men are in general. No one wants to end up in a divorce, I believe most women hv given their husbands many chances before considering for a divorce, esp for the sake of their kids. However, there are a few good men who spends lots of time with the family but end up being betrayed by the wife, as what I hv read in the forum.
So it's really hard to say who is in the wrong, sometimes the marriage was just not meant to be. If a divorce can create happiness for a person, it is not a bad thing. Divorce doesn't mean a person will be unhappy.
Women nowadays are not like our mothers or grandmothers, who will stay in an unhappy marriage to save face. Furthermore, they are financially independent esp for working mothers. As I hv observed, whether FTWM or SAHM, women still get betrayed. High divorce cases does not mean a person is selfish, but it's giving oneself happiness. Most importantly, a person must be happy and not regret the choice he/she has made,irregardless whether he/she is divorced or not.
For me, I chose to stay in the marriage as I am financially dependent on my husband but there is no more love in the marriage. We are merely parents for the kids, it take 2 hands to clap and to make a marriage work. Why shld one party be working hard to maintain a marriage when the other can't be bothered? If I was working, I would not choose to stay in a meaningless marriage. It is my kids who gives me the strength, and I'll let them know that their dad betrayed me when I was depressed and needed emotional support. I'll not choose to hide the truth from my kids when they are older.
So it's really hard to say who is in the wrong, sometimes the marriage was just not meant to be. If a divorce can create happiness for a person, it is not a bad thing. Divorce doesn't mean a person will be unhappy.
Women nowadays are not like our mothers or grandmothers, who will stay in an unhappy marriage to save face. Furthermore, they are financially independent esp for working mothers. As I hv observed, whether FTWM or SAHM, women still get betrayed. High divorce cases does not mean a person is selfish, but it's giving oneself happiness. Most importantly, a person must be happy and not regret the choice he/she has made,irregardless whether he/she is divorced or not.
For me, I chose to stay in the marriage as I am financially dependent on my husband but there is no more love in the marriage. We are merely parents for the kids, it take 2 hands to clap and to make a marriage work. Why shld one party be working hard to maintain a marriage when the other can't be bothered? If I was working, I would not choose to stay in a meaningless marriage. It is my kids who gives me the strength, and I'll let them know that their dad betrayed me when I was depressed and needed emotional support. I'll not choose to hide the truth from my kids when they are older.
day_dreamer_me
New Member
a sincere talk should be done here.
ask what is happening between you and him
so that everything will be clear and making decisions is easy.
ask what is happening between you and him
so that everything will be clear and making decisions is easy.
beatrice_chua
New Member
I believe that the first best move is to settle things with your hubby. Find time to talk, share your feelings, cook meal and everything. You know maybe you are thinking your husband no longer loves you, but do you love him? Why not try to be sweet and beautiful for your husband? Strive to make your relationship work not only for your child bt also for yourself You can try these 4 Beauty Book Recommendations to Make You More Beautiful
hi Pingping,
After reading all the posts,I feel my situation is same as yours.
I hv a young son n had hv 4 miscarriages.My hb failed to give me emotional support.Despite we've talked a few times,we couldn't work things out.Now,we've had ZERO communication,coz whenever we talk,we end up quarreling.
No doubt i love my son very much n hope to hv 2nd kid,but after reading all the posts in this forum,i feel i shouldn't hv anymore kid wf someone who is selfish n unappreciative.
I've asked to stay separately knowing that he won't wanna a divorce.Now,my FULL focus is my son.He is everything to me.He gives me strength to move on.If not,there'll be another news of suicide at reservior.
My hb is oso very stick to his PC,he is quiet n we've extremely little sex,probably max 4 times per year.
Ever since my 1st miscarriage,i quit my job n be SAHM.He does not respect me,he is oso a individualistics.When i demand i wanna more communication,he said he doesn't hv time for himself.So I try to make myself self-sufficient.
I've came to the point tat i don't feel happy seeing him.We've not talked for weeks.
Divorce had been come into my mind on n off.Same thing,i'm tolerating bcoz of my son.
Though everyone asks me to hv a talk to him,yet, we've had different perspective,every discussion,ended up argument.I am tired.I choose to withdraw myself.I don't know how long i can stay on.
After reading all the posts,I feel my situation is same as yours.
I hv a young son n had hv 4 miscarriages.My hb failed to give me emotional support.Despite we've talked a few times,we couldn't work things out.Now,we've had ZERO communication,coz whenever we talk,we end up quarreling.
No doubt i love my son very much n hope to hv 2nd kid,but after reading all the posts in this forum,i feel i shouldn't hv anymore kid wf someone who is selfish n unappreciative.
I've asked to stay separately knowing that he won't wanna a divorce.Now,my FULL focus is my son.He is everything to me.He gives me strength to move on.If not,there'll be another news of suicide at reservior.
My hb is oso very stick to his PC,he is quiet n we've extremely little sex,probably max 4 times per year.
Ever since my 1st miscarriage,i quit my job n be SAHM.He does not respect me,he is oso a individualistics.When i demand i wanna more communication,he said he doesn't hv time for himself.So I try to make myself self-sufficient.
I've came to the point tat i don't feel happy seeing him.We've not talked for weeks.
Divorce had been come into my mind on n off.Same thing,i'm tolerating bcoz of my son.
Though everyone asks me to hv a talk to him,yet, we've had different perspective,every discussion,ended up argument.I am tired.I choose to withdraw myself.I don't know how long i can stay on.
Communication is indeed very important. But when hubby refuses to talk, there's no way I can find out what he is unhappy about, or what he is thinking. Men are worse than women sometimes. Dunno what they are thinking.
It has been seven years. The best thing that happened in this marriage is having my two lovely children. How he treats me depends on his mood. Sometimes warm, sometimes cold, sometimes lukewarm. To others, he is Mr Nice guy, who always puts on a smiling face, ever obliging. He treats everyone better, I even joked once to him that he treats the security guard better than he treats me, at least he smiles and waves at them.
We have had cold wars countless times these seven years. He is completely different before marriage. I never knew he liked betting on 4D, toto and soccer. He can spend near to $400 in one single betting. When I tried to tell him that money is hard earned, he gave me a cold shoulder for a week. Old habits die hard. What can I do?
His mum is a very insecure person. Everything must lock properly. So that is his upbringing. He locks everything up, our joint account statement, insurance, my two children's savings passbooks, and himself. I thought we should keep all these in a shared drawer, he just kept quiet. Is he afraid of me running away with the money? That shows how much trust he has in me. For goodness sake, I am not a gambler like him and I dun have any debts.
I think I am merely someone who gave birth to his children, that's all. Not a gesture of concern, no "I love you"s, no care, no communication at all, we are really not speaking with each other. I dun even feel like talking to him, so we just both keep mum. I think God must have sent my two lovely children to save my marriage. During the early years of marriage, i still could feel sad, helpless. Now, i no longer feel anything. Im numb already. Just let him continue with his mood and insanity. Very tired....
It has been seven years. The best thing that happened in this marriage is having my two lovely children. How he treats me depends on his mood. Sometimes warm, sometimes cold, sometimes lukewarm. To others, he is Mr Nice guy, who always puts on a smiling face, ever obliging. He treats everyone better, I even joked once to him that he treats the security guard better than he treats me, at least he smiles and waves at them.
We have had cold wars countless times these seven years. He is completely different before marriage. I never knew he liked betting on 4D, toto and soccer. He can spend near to $400 in one single betting. When I tried to tell him that money is hard earned, he gave me a cold shoulder for a week. Old habits die hard. What can I do?
His mum is a very insecure person. Everything must lock properly. So that is his upbringing. He locks everything up, our joint account statement, insurance, my two children's savings passbooks, and himself. I thought we should keep all these in a shared drawer, he just kept quiet. Is he afraid of me running away with the money? That shows how much trust he has in me. For goodness sake, I am not a gambler like him and I dun have any debts.
I think I am merely someone who gave birth to his children, that's all. Not a gesture of concern, no "I love you"s, no care, no communication at all, we are really not speaking with each other. I dun even feel like talking to him, so we just both keep mum. I think God must have sent my two lovely children to save my marriage. During the early years of marriage, i still could feel sad, helpless. Now, i no longer feel anything. Im numb already. Just let him continue with his mood and insanity. Very tired....
kimmielalala
Member
From a third party point of view. Either he got gf or mistress or he visit prostitute to satisfy him. Don't tell me you married a sissy who don't like intimate with wife? All the stupid excuses, I hope he is nt making use of you for money.
Dear kimmielalala, pls be sensitive in your postings.
Members post their troubles here with the hope of getting some advise and encouragements.
NOT your insensitive and useless negative remarks.
Refrain from posting just for the sake of posting.
Members post their troubles here with the hope of getting some advise and encouragements.
NOT your insensitive and useless negative remarks.
Refrain from posting just for the sake of posting.
yoplait17, being in this situation is not doing you any good,
You seems to be losing yourself and getting stuck in the pretty hopeless situation.
I say hopeless becos your husband seems not to care about you and not bothered that the relationship is going downhill.
You by not doing anything is giving him the message that you are ok with the going ons and the relationship.
You may think that all is lost and not much you can do. You seems to draw your happiness from your 2 children.
Which is the reason that you have to make a decision about the situation. It is not fair to yourself or the children to live such a lie of a life.
Your children will grow up and there will be repercussions should you continue to live as you are now.
You have to take a decision and start being positive and live life again.
Being alive is not the same as living your life.
You deserve to be happy, for if you are not, how are you going to teach your children valuable life lessons for your experiences are in negative mode.
I am in no place to offer you advise, but just my honest opinions and a few words of encouragement.
You seems to be losing yourself and getting stuck in the pretty hopeless situation.
I say hopeless becos your husband seems not to care about you and not bothered that the relationship is going downhill.
You by not doing anything is giving him the message that you are ok with the going ons and the relationship.
You may think that all is lost and not much you can do. You seems to draw your happiness from your 2 children.
Which is the reason that you have to make a decision about the situation. It is not fair to yourself or the children to live such a lie of a life.
Your children will grow up and there will be repercussions should you continue to live as you are now.
You have to take a decision and start being positive and live life again.
Being alive is not the same as living your life.
You deserve to be happy, for if you are not, how are you going to teach your children valuable life lessons for your experiences are in negative mode.
I am in no place to offer you advise, but just my honest opinions and a few words of encouragement.