pixie ng
Well-Known Member
1. I am responsible for my own happiness.
My husband’s actions do not dictate my happiness.
I could choose to stay or I could choose to leave the marriage. It was hard to see this in the beginning.
Slowly, I started to realize that I had the power to respond to the situation and practice self care. I am the gatekeeper of my happiness. If there is something I need, I can ask for it, and if something isn’t working, it is in my ability to fix it.
The other side of this coin is that I am not able to dictate anyone else’s happiness. Knowing this helped me understand that I was not responsible for my husband’s actions.
2. I am an amazing, worthwhile person, and I can create the life I want.
I felt sad. I felt hurt. I felt angry. I was a victim of betrayal. My pain became a self-identification. I was the girl whose husband serially cheated on her. By attaching my identification to my husband’s actions, I shut myself off from the innate ability I have to create life I want.
I internalized the immense pain I felt, wondering how this could happen to someone like me? How did I not see it? I started doubting myself.
After many hours of therapy, I realized my worth had nothing to do with my husband’s behaviors.
More than that, I get to be the author of my own story. I had to let go of what I imagined others thought of me. My worthiness is not connected to another person. I still get to be an awesome and totally worthwhile person.
3. I have a side of the street, and I was part of the problem.
I am hesitant to write this last point. I don’t believe that anyone deserves the betrayal, lies and cheating that go along with an affair. But I do have responsibility for my own actions, and by looking at my own behavior, I had the opportunity to change the way I do things. Cleaning up my side of the street has been profoundly empowering.
Once I stopped looking at what “he did” and took a look at myself, I found there were some not-so-pretty behaviors that I engaged in. Perfectionism comes in at top of the list. My life needed to look “just so” and I couldn’t bear anyone finding out that I was struggling.
Control was another issue. I liked things my way and had a hard time letting go of things that were not mine to control. My self-esteem wasn’t great at the time either, and it was easy to put someone else down so that I could feel superior and righteous.
I took a good hard look in the mirror and committed to consciously working on myself. I now embrace my imperfections and know it is OK to make a mistake. I love learning about myself and invest time daily in deepening my personal growth. I have learned to trust and love, starting with myself. I am much happier with how I show up in my life.
In the end, my marriage didn't survive, but I am grateful for my life and the experiences I have had.
My world was thrown into deep chaos, and I had no other choice than to find a way out. Today I experience great joy in my life. I practice vulnerability and strive to live a wholehearted life. I walked through fire and came out the other side.
reference: http://www.xojane.com/issues/i-found-my-husband-was-using-ashley-madison
My husband’s actions do not dictate my happiness.
I could choose to stay or I could choose to leave the marriage. It was hard to see this in the beginning.
Slowly, I started to realize that I had the power to respond to the situation and practice self care. I am the gatekeeper of my happiness. If there is something I need, I can ask for it, and if something isn’t working, it is in my ability to fix it.
The other side of this coin is that I am not able to dictate anyone else’s happiness. Knowing this helped me understand that I was not responsible for my husband’s actions.
2. I am an amazing, worthwhile person, and I can create the life I want.
I felt sad. I felt hurt. I felt angry. I was a victim of betrayal. My pain became a self-identification. I was the girl whose husband serially cheated on her. By attaching my identification to my husband’s actions, I shut myself off from the innate ability I have to create life I want.
I internalized the immense pain I felt, wondering how this could happen to someone like me? How did I not see it? I started doubting myself.
After many hours of therapy, I realized my worth had nothing to do with my husband’s behaviors.
More than that, I get to be the author of my own story. I had to let go of what I imagined others thought of me. My worthiness is not connected to another person. I still get to be an awesome and totally worthwhile person.
3. I have a side of the street, and I was part of the problem.
I am hesitant to write this last point. I don’t believe that anyone deserves the betrayal, lies and cheating that go along with an affair. But I do have responsibility for my own actions, and by looking at my own behavior, I had the opportunity to change the way I do things. Cleaning up my side of the street has been profoundly empowering.
Once I stopped looking at what “he did” and took a look at myself, I found there were some not-so-pretty behaviors that I engaged in. Perfectionism comes in at top of the list. My life needed to look “just so” and I couldn’t bear anyone finding out that I was struggling.
Control was another issue. I liked things my way and had a hard time letting go of things that were not mine to control. My self-esteem wasn’t great at the time either, and it was easy to put someone else down so that I could feel superior and righteous.
I took a good hard look in the mirror and committed to consciously working on myself. I now embrace my imperfections and know it is OK to make a mistake. I love learning about myself and invest time daily in deepening my personal growth. I have learned to trust and love, starting with myself. I am much happier with how I show up in my life.
In the end, my marriage didn't survive, but I am grateful for my life and the experiences I have had.
My world was thrown into deep chaos, and I had no other choice than to find a way out. Today I experience great joy in my life. I practice vulnerability and strive to live a wholehearted life. I walked through fire and came out the other side.
reference: http://www.xojane.com/issues/i-found-my-husband-was-using-ashley-madison
