Hello gals,
Juz to share.I had a harrowing 48 hrs.i was into the end of my 2ww.it's always a nervous time,isn't it? We have all been thru' this.i miscalculated my day 30 of period.after the stillbirth,my period ranged fr 28-31 days.i was so nervous on day 28,but i made it pass it.then day 30 approached.i was so nervous.i hesitated going to the toilet coz i was afraid of wiping and seeing red.everytime i went to the toilet,i braced myself for it.at night of day 30,i was even more nervous coz no bleeding.no traces of bleeding too.u know,the fear of disappointment.i couldn't believe it.so i calculated again on the calendar.ALAMAK!!! WRONG! that was only day 29!!!! so history repeated itself the next day.but i decided to be gungho this time.i wanted to give up my hot water bag already.TCM said my womb is cold.but i tot i'll press on until the end.on sun morn,i tested.i've never felt so nervous testing.i hopped out of bed,i used the 1st urine (usually,i don't have time to follow instructions to a T),and i rubbed my eyes several times.is there a faint line??? looks like,but looks like don't have.i was so tired by then,i hopped back into bed and slept.hubby woke up,saw the PTK,went to church.when he came back,it was more than 1 hr since i've used the kit,so not v accurate already.i told him i saw a very faint line,asked him to c if there's a line.by this time,all i saw was the control line and a very very skinny line.hubby juz said no.i was so nervous,coz that could indicate preg.but i was only on day 30.i tolled on for day 30,made it pass midnight,period hasn't arrived.this morn,no period too.i was reluctant to test today,ideally,should test tom,but curiosity got the better of me.so i bought the guardian test kit again.i was thinking of changing the brand of test kit,but clearblue is so ex.and i tot,the last time,the housebrand worked all the same.and this time,the same thing.wasn't too sure if there was a line or not.today was another nervous day.felt wet,but no chance to go toilet.very very bz.everytime i went to the toilet,i had to brace myself.i reckon it's going to be embarrassing taking out my PTK in the mrt to have a look,so i peaked at it while it's still in the plastic bag.to my amazement!!! 2 LINES!!!!!!! at that moment,tears welled up in my eyes.i had a history of stillbirth at 29 wks.hubby very cautious abt preg too.i was so relieved.strangely,the feeling is diff fr the 1st preg.i'm happy,but my expression of happiness is different.hubby reacted exactly the same.i kept reminding him i may be preg,but don't be too happy yet.and he kept reminding me we still have to be cautious during this preg.but i know deep down inside,we have so much hope for this preg.
I want to thank all the gals here who haf supported me in my journey.it took me 9 long mths.i know some of u have tried for an even longer time.1 of the gynaes i saw always tell me don't give up hope.sometimes,i think things happen for a reason.during this cycle,i went to c chris chong.i literally forced my hubby to go for the ultrasound of the testicles.found vericocele.referred to urologist.hubby initially v against surgery,but this time,after speaking to urologist,suddenly said he will go for surg.that was on sat.my life changed that very sat.all i hear is bad news.already cannot conceive,then now,hubby has prob.urologist say his vericocele may be the cause of fragmented DNA,which means it could have contributed to the stillbirth.the sperms still look normal,but DNA inside not normal.my mind was so focused on helping hubby arrange appts,speaking to the doc (i couldn't accompany him to the appt),arranging for surgery.and we have spent so much money on testosterone prescribed by chris chong.
however,this cycle,hubby did things unexpectedly.if u gals have been following my posts,i was complainng of how hubby was so unco-operative,but he has improved a lot now.i always tell him (when he ask me how come we havne't conceived) god is making u wait for this baby to make u appreciate this baby more.somehow,i think if there is couple harmony,everything else will follow.the couple must work together.i made hubby make hotwater bag for me sometimes,and he does it w/o a grumble.i was quite surprised.when i told him it was a good time for bd,he told me he's very tired,but said do it tom morn.and he really set his alarm clock and woke up.he has never done this b4.he faithfully took his hormone pills,and that made him very tired.but he perservered.sometimes,i wonder if god did this to make him know wat i'm going thru'.
anyway,i m so grateful hubby is on the same line as me now.i wanted him not to tell his father & sis (our rlnship not very good),to avoid his sis saying stupid things to anger me.b4 i could even tell him,he himself said he will only tell ppl who can be helpful to him this time round.
u know,this preg will be so hard on me mentally.but i told hubby let's inject some fun and excitement,otherwise it's not fair to this bb.so we have decided not to find out the gender of the child.u know,all the excitement abt buying bb clothes,stroller,bb cot etc.i've done it the last time already.i was short of decorating the bb's room.luckily i didn't get round to doing it,otherwise i'll be more devastated when things did not work out.
and u know wat girls? this baby was thru' natural conception.we used preseed on chris chong's advice.don't know if it's that which worked,or it's juz chance occurance.
but i want to thank all u girls who have seen me thru' my worst period *monster spreads bb dust to all u girls*
