Hi ladies,
I see a lot of new names here.I used to be active in this thread until a while back.I think it has been 1 yr since i visited this thread.
To all the darling ladies who have been so suportive thru'out my trying period,thank u.
The reason I left this thread is coz I got preg.Those who remember me will remember I had a surgery to remove my uterine septum.I subsequently got pregnant after trying for 2 cycles.this preg was absolute madness.It was a test of the human mind.i didn't leave this thread coz i didn't have to try anymore.it was more to maintain a positive mind.in fact,i didn't even read anything fr the mid termination thread too.1st trimester was plaqued with absolute fear.I suddenly juz bled - blood gushed out,not spotting.ended up in A&E twice.I was placed on asprin (due to my past history) and had 2x weekly progesterone jabs.i visited the gynae weekly.NUH became my 2nd home.i made it pass 1st trimester.2nd trimester was relatively okie.but this preg was so different fr the 1st one.i didn't even dare go out and buy stuff,for fear that i will lose this child again.i will think this is what i need,that is what i need,but i will just make a mental note of it,but i wouldn't buy it,coz at the back of my mind,there's always a:what if.Pregnancy is supposed to be a beautiful and joyful journey,but it wasn't like this for me.at 26 wks,it was discovered that my baby was small.having lost my 1st child at 28 wks,i was paranoid.i started counting kicks fr 24 wks,though my gynae only told me to start at 28 wks.at 26 wks,she wasn't sure if it was growth restriction or the baby was merely small.i was ordered immediately bedrest.my days of borderm started.for such an active person like me,it was terrible.the weather was hot,being preg made me feel even hotter.i had to stay in bed the whole day.i had diet restrictions,couldn't eat anything i was craving for.I just had to endure the whole time.I ended up at the delivery suite twice coz i didn't feel the baby move much.but thank god,it was a false alarm.the whole journey was just so stressful.so stressful that the moment I delievered my baby boy,i told questioned if i wanted another child.haha.Initially,i always say I would love to have 3 kids.I do have 3 kids now.2 in heaven,1 safe and sound with me.
My whole journey of the 1st preg,losing the child,ttc again,2nd preg,m/c,ttc again,surgery makes me feel motherhood is a breeze.nevermind those sleepless nights,baby crying,it's not all that difficult.the most impt thing is my child is alive.in the 1st mth, was so paranoid my chld would juz stop breathing that i will check on him every now & then and i will even deliberately touch him to see if he moves.nevermind if he wakes up,i can always put him back to bed,at least I know he's alive.nowadays,when he sleeps thru' the night (which is a good thing),i get paranoid too.i'll wake up to make sure he's breathing.
To you ladies out there who are still trying,work hard.i always tell myself if i work hard,i'll be rewarded.true enough,i was rewarded.
To all old friends out there,thank you for being my listening ear