(2011/07) July 2011
- Thread starter judy_lsk
- Start date
feimei, my MIL dun dare to mention the word $$ in front of me. She will secretly pull my hb into the room and ask.. I dun really care she ask money from my hb cos it's his money afterall. All our argument for the past 5 years is never abt $$..is always abt his mom! Lolz..she works 1/2 day as office cleaner earning abt $800 per mth, hb give $500, 2nd bro give $500, younger son i tink give $2K! She shuld hv more than enuf to spend leh.. but hor, when her kitchen was infested with white ants and she wanted to renovate it, the cost is $3K! She ask all to chip in n pay!! Wah liew.. I told my hb, my mom wanna renovate kitchen, she never ask us for money cos the money we gave her mthly she will save up and use for household stuff. N my mom pay for her own holiday.
His mom wanna go holiday yet dun wanna pay $$. Go Korea, her sister pay for her, now we going Japan, his son paying. I told my hb, we going Japan, i m not paying anything for ur mom. Not even food!! U will tink having few K a mth, she got savings but when we got married last time, pinjin paid by hb, everything by us..now 2nd bro getting married, oso everything paid by themselves. Hb oso chip in..MIL nothing! She claim she dun hv $$..i wonder whr her $$ all went! Mabbe she went casino cos her sisters n their hb love to drive up to genting or stay at MBS to gamble..
His mom wanna go holiday yet dun wanna pay $$. Go Korea, her sister pay for her, now we going Japan, his son paying. I told my hb, we going Japan, i m not paying anything for ur mom. Not even food!! U will tink having few K a mth, she got savings but when we got married last time, pinjin paid by hb, everything by us..now 2nd bro getting married, oso everything paid by themselves. Hb oso chip in..MIL nothing! She claim she dun hv $$..i wonder whr her $$ all went! Mabbe she went casino cos her sisters n their hb love to drive up to genting or stay at MBS to gamble..
cary
Active Member
irene, my edd is 6 Jul [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] and we are the same age! So you are a SAHM?
crystal_cloud, my chu yi is go my dad's place, then we go temple to pay respect to my mum, then I go hb's paternal grandma, hb's maternal grandma, my maternal grandma and lastly back to my dad's place where my maternal grandma is ... if you are wondering how come no need to visit ILs cos they are staying with me haha
xinyue, totally understand ... nevermind, if they zong nan qing nu then let them be ... it's your child [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
crystal_cloud, my chu yi is go my dad's place, then we go temple to pay respect to my mum, then I go hb's paternal grandma, hb's maternal grandma, my maternal grandma and lastly back to my dad's place where my maternal grandma is ... if you are wondering how come no need to visit ILs cos they are staying with me haha
xinyue, totally understand ... nevermind, if they zong nan qing nu then let them be ... it's your child [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
sunshinebb
New Member
Feimei...i oni bought their short cos @ $23.90 feel is reasonable compare to those real maternity boutique....hmm nv see they got sell shoes lah...
Cary...u also stay at Tampines b4? me stay thr fr kid till now marry liao also buy my flat near my mum...hehe
OH Modisch...i totally can understand how u feel...my hubby also like that de...actually i love CNY alot but not aft married....cos always during CNY we will fight....eg 1)go his mum house or my mum house for dinner 2)we alrdy set 2nd day of CNY is to visit my niang jia, then his sis or bro call up to visit us to their house then my hubby will say=oh tmr then go ur parents house...
yesterday fight with hubby again...told him fr now onward he has to give more allowance as bb fund saving...then he say noooooo cos still need to give his mum $$$...he also told me next time hv to bring bb back every week to let his mum see....so angry
actually from my wedding on nov 2009, im not very happy with his family side liao...so i oni visit them on CNY 2010 till now nv step in their house...then my hubby say as a DIL, im no filial...feel to tell him off...my last MC ur mum also nv call me to console buy any BU for me...then now she knew im pregg again also nv call....is this how a MIL shld be???
Cary...u also stay at Tampines b4? me stay thr fr kid till now marry liao also buy my flat near my mum...hehe
OH Modisch...i totally can understand how u feel...my hubby also like that de...actually i love CNY alot but not aft married....cos always during CNY we will fight....eg 1)go his mum house or my mum house for dinner 2)we alrdy set 2nd day of CNY is to visit my niang jia, then his sis or bro call up to visit us to their house then my hubby will say=oh tmr then go ur parents house...
yesterday fight with hubby again...told him fr now onward he has to give more allowance as bb fund saving...then he say noooooo cos still need to give his mum $$$...he also told me next time hv to bring bb back every week to let his mum see....so angry
actually from my wedding on nov 2009, im not very happy with his family side liao...so i oni visit them on CNY 2010 till now nv step in their house...then my hubby say as a DIL, im no filial...feel to tell him off...my last MC ur mum also nv call me to console buy any BU for me...then now she knew im pregg again also nv call....is this how a MIL shld be???
feimei: dun liddat say. i am lucky to have a good MIL. although she looks traditional but her thinking is very modern. She always thinks of us before her. Even i told her i coming back to stay 3 weeks with my parents coz my HD is having reservist she doesn't mind. Ask her wants my baby to be boy or girl. she said anything as long as the baby is healthy. i treat her like my own parents. We are staying together.She is very nice!
feimei
Active Member
modisch> i oso din realli argue on $$ issue...becos i dun interfer his $$ assets too...but that time when i got to know...got very fed up mah...thats y burst out to him...but after that...i bo chap la...he like...he do it...dun come n complain to me...
ya...ur mil indeed very super duper steady....soo much allowance liao...still dare to ask more...realli wonder where all her $$ gone to??? aiyaa...dun bother her too much...i oso can't be bother too much...dun wan make my bb unhappy becos of MIL...!! not worth it!!!
so u really gg back alone to KL for dinner??
ya...ur mil indeed very super duper steady....soo much allowance liao...still dare to ask more...realli wonder where all her $$ gone to??? aiyaa...dun bother her too much...i oso can't be bother too much...dun wan make my bb unhappy becos of MIL...!! not worth it!!!
so u really gg back alone to KL for dinner??
modisch, sorry to hear abt your DH. dont think abt divorcing now, no good for ur baby and #1! if u look on the bright side, it shows he has good family values, u just need to teach him to transfer those values to your family now (ie u + 2 kids).
i think it's just the issue of his family being more traditional abt these things, whereas you and your family more modern. but actually his family not THAT bad already, at least they allow you to go back (with baby somemore) to KL on eve of CNY. i think some MILs/ DHs would not have allowed that. small consolation i know, but could be worse!
is it possible for either of the reunion dinners to be a little earlier, say the weekend before on 29/ 30 jan? my family reunion dinner this year is on 30 jan, so all the girl cousins can spend the eve of CNY with their DH's families. in the past, i used to eat 2 reunion dinners, 1st shift with my family at 6pm (lucky they eat early!) and 2nd shift with DH's family at 8pm.
i think it's just the issue of his family being more traditional abt these things, whereas you and your family more modern. but actually his family not THAT bad already, at least they allow you to go back (with baby somemore) to KL on eve of CNY. i think some MILs/ DHs would not have allowed that. small consolation i know, but could be worse!
is it possible for either of the reunion dinners to be a little earlier, say the weekend before on 29/ 30 jan? my family reunion dinner this year is on 30 jan, so all the girl cousins can spend the eve of CNY with their DH's families. in the past, i used to eat 2 reunion dinners, 1st shift with my family at 6pm (lucky they eat early!) and 2nd shift with DH's family at 8pm.
sunshine, ur MIL is the same as mine!! My hb will always say I m not filial to his mom compared to his new sister in law but little did he know my SIL oso always quarrel with his bro abt going back to her hse n etc. They've both pak tor for 7 years but she rarely hv dinner at their hse..haha..
When i was pregnant, i never get to eat bird nest cooked by MIL..dun say bird nest, fish oso dun hv! N my hb dare to say that i m not filial..i shouted back at him, when i m pregnant, she keep harping that it's a girl. The moment we knew is a boy, she not happy. she ever ask me abt the pregnancy? No! She ever boil bird nest for me? No! She ever steam fish for me? No! All the bird nest that i m eating weekly is courtesy of my parents. All my confinement herbs and wines are from my parents. All the good fish that I am eating are from my parents. What did ur mom did for her grandson? NOthing.. n now the boy is born, she want a share of him! I will not allow that one lor.. I m not those easily give in type of woman! N my hb knew that.. he can raise hell, so can I..we are equal in terms of standing! Haha..
Now, i dun bother to ask him to contribute to my son liao. I consulted lawyer, she said as long as I can prove i paid most of my son's expenses on my own, I can easily get custody of him. So, i leave it as it is.. milk powder, diaper, school fee, bbsitter fee, insurance etc is all from my own mthly salary!..
sian lar tink abt it!
When i was pregnant, i never get to eat bird nest cooked by MIL..dun say bird nest, fish oso dun hv! N my hb dare to say that i m not filial..i shouted back at him, when i m pregnant, she keep harping that it's a girl. The moment we knew is a boy, she not happy. she ever ask me abt the pregnancy? No! She ever boil bird nest for me? No! She ever steam fish for me? No! All the bird nest that i m eating weekly is courtesy of my parents. All my confinement herbs and wines are from my parents. All the good fish that I am eating are from my parents. What did ur mom did for her grandson? NOthing.. n now the boy is born, she want a share of him! I will not allow that one lor.. I m not those easily give in type of woman! N my hb knew that.. he can raise hell, so can I..we are equal in terms of standing! Haha..
Now, i dun bother to ask him to contribute to my son liao. I consulted lawyer, she said as long as I can prove i paid most of my son's expenses on my own, I can easily get custody of him. So, i leave it as it is.. milk powder, diaper, school fee, bbsitter fee, insurance etc is all from my own mthly salary!..
sian lar tink abt it!
sugarspunlily
New Member
Mmm my CNY reunion dinner will be at my family's place cos my MIL doesnt really practice having CNY dinners even tho she is Chinese (converted to Muslim). But my side, without fail will eat every year and since before marriage, my DH has been joining le hee
Only headache is on CNY day, got his side n my side to visit. Most prob will go to his side first ba...then rush to my grandma n great-grandma's place!! Then it carries on for the subsequent visiting!
During Hari Raya, its worse! So damn haywire!! I got to go both sides. Even more haywire cos too many relatives le
This coming Hari Raya wif baby, i dunno how!!
Only headache is on CNY day, got his side n my side to visit. Most prob will go to his side first ba...then rush to my grandma n great-grandma's place!! Then it carries on for the subsequent visiting!
During Hari Raya, its worse! So damn haywire!! I got to go both sides. Even more haywire cos too many relatives le
This coming Hari Raya wif baby, i dunno how!!
cary
Active Member
sunshinebb, yup, used to stay in tampines for 21 years [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] even when I got married stayed there too ... only when we asked ILs to stay with us and needed a bigger flat then we shifted out.
J2010T, hee ... for me I will be early as my boy came out 3 weeks earlier that time [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
coopie, I'm doing that 6pm and 8pm shift hee
modisch, my MIL also never buy BU or cook anything BU for me one ... when I had my #1, I have to BU myself. I was troubled by it then and then I got used to it ... cos she's not my mother mah and since my own mum is no longer around, I take care of myself [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
J2010T, hee ... for me I will be early as my boy came out 3 weeks earlier that time [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
coopie, I'm doing that 6pm and 8pm shift hee
modisch, my MIL also never buy BU or cook anything BU for me one ... when I had my #1, I have to BU myself. I was troubled by it then and then I got used to it ... cos she's not my mother mah and since my own mum is no longer around, I take care of myself [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
timberchampagne
Member
Thats wat my quarrel wif my hb is about yesterday night - His MIL. He wants his MIL to stay wif me when our new hdb is here. But I said no. Shd I say no or yes? We didnt talk for e whole night after e quarrel. Really bothers me.
Irene> Wow you really love children alot is it? Amazing...how do you cope? Share your joy wif us.
Irene> Wow you really love children alot is it? Amazing...how do you cope? Share your joy wif us.
sunshinebb
New Member
wow modisch...u plan liao ar...u even consult a lawyer...this proof that we modern women no so easy bully de...told my hubby to watch out n not to get on my nerve...LOL
crystal_cloud
Member
haha modisch.bebe!!
i read your post,, very funny!! wise choice dont bring camera out!
sotimes i do wonder hor, if one day i become a MIL myself lah, say this one is a bb boy, wil i insist im the boy's side and i wana have reunion dinner and i mean DINNER every year! coz im guy's side...or will i alter my mindset, so my DIL loves me and respects me?
hahahaha
going back to KL with a 4 month tummy is not funny at all..can be quite tough..like going to frequent toilet trips? if feel really unwell remember dont insist on traveling ya..
to be honest, i do feel your MIL side same mindset as my MIL...so no need to comment much, i feel it's getting more common..im almost like 'watever lah, u guy side ma' pointless to argue
coopie you got a point lo..to save trouble and save us from eating to fullest on same day,
my mom's side reunion dinner is on 1 feb and his side is on 2 feb lo...
modisch.bebe
your sil realli knows how to act..same like mine!
gain in good books yet at the back retaliate
u mentioned your mil not happy when she found out your bb is a boy? or did i read wrongly??
he can raise hell, so can I..we are equal in terms of standing>> actually im also like this..i can be firm if i realli feel it's not my fault! i dont care whether you are the guy or wat? but we are on par in decision making in today's society! coz we share in everyting! 50% hse, exp, bb fees etc!!!
but frankly, my pay alone cannot be like yours, to supply for milk powder, diaper, school fee, bbsitter fee, insurance ! i think can only pay all but ommit the bb siiter fee (about 600 i think??) or pay bb sitter fee and omit the diapers insurance milk powder etc etc
coz i still got my reno loan, insurance, credit card, hp bills, parents allowance to give!
hope my boss gives me a bigger bonus upon hearin im preg [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
wow lizzie you are so fortunate! you have a very modernised MIL!!
i dont understand y is hari raya affecting you? your parents not malays right? so u can vist the guy's side fully lo..
i read your post,, very funny!! wise choice dont bring camera out!
sotimes i do wonder hor, if one day i become a MIL myself lah, say this one is a bb boy, wil i insist im the boy's side and i wana have reunion dinner and i mean DINNER every year! coz im guy's side...or will i alter my mindset, so my DIL loves me and respects me?
hahahaha
going back to KL with a 4 month tummy is not funny at all..can be quite tough..like going to frequent toilet trips? if feel really unwell remember dont insist on traveling ya..
to be honest, i do feel your MIL side same mindset as my MIL...so no need to comment much, i feel it's getting more common..im almost like 'watever lah, u guy side ma' pointless to argue
coopie you got a point lo..to save trouble and save us from eating to fullest on same day,
my mom's side reunion dinner is on 1 feb and his side is on 2 feb lo...
modisch.bebe
your sil realli knows how to act..same like mine!
gain in good books yet at the back retaliate
u mentioned your mil not happy when she found out your bb is a boy? or did i read wrongly??
he can raise hell, so can I..we are equal in terms of standing>> actually im also like this..i can be firm if i realli feel it's not my fault! i dont care whether you are the guy or wat? but we are on par in decision making in today's society! coz we share in everyting! 50% hse, exp, bb fees etc!!!
but frankly, my pay alone cannot be like yours, to supply for milk powder, diaper, school fee, bbsitter fee, insurance ! i think can only pay all but ommit the bb siiter fee (about 600 i think??) or pay bb sitter fee and omit the diapers insurance milk powder etc etc
coz i still got my reno loan, insurance, credit card, hp bills, parents allowance to give!
hope my boss gives me a bigger bonus upon hearin im preg [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
wow lizzie you are so fortunate! you have a very modernised MIL!!
i dont understand y is hari raya affecting you? your parents not malays right? so u can vist the guy's side fully lo..
irenelimjh
New Member
cary - really??haha..where do you all stay??
can i suggest adding the age and the place we stayed in the table also?
can i suggest adding the age and the place we stayed in the table also?
crystal_cloud
Member
Jan-ice (timberchampagne)
din you all already discuss this before getting a flat?
y does he insist on staying together under same roof? your mil is all by herself?
din you all already discuss this before getting a flat?
y does he insist on staying together under same roof? your mil is all by herself?
blue_skies
Member
Haha, this topic of mother in laws (or monster in laws) is very interesting.
Here's my story [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
I remember my mum telling me before I got married and when I was expecting my first child:
1) Don't ever stay under the same roof as your MIL if you have a choice
2) Don't ask your MIL to look after your children
I followed her instruction No. 1 but my MIL was so keen to look after my baby when I was expecting so I agreed, and we actually moved home to be closer to her.
Turns out I had a tiff with her during my baby's first month regarding how to look after the baby, and after that, she was very cold towards me. After the first month, I casually asked her if she still wanted to look after, and she actually told me, "Oh, you need me to look after is it?"
I was so pissed off and decided from that day onwards that she will not look after any of my children. Even if no one to look after, I will send to infantcare or childcare.
I got a maid (5 weeks after giving birth) and basically my boy has been cared for by my maid. Cannot expect 100% from maid, but most impt is no bruises on my boy and she looks after him.
Now I'm expecting No.2 and my MIL volunteered to look after my 3yr old boy after I've given birth, saying I won't be able to cope. I said very nicely, thank you, no need lah, if cannot cope then I will tell her.
We visit my MIL side every Sun afternoon with my boy. Relationship with her is ok, can chit chat, but cannot stay under same roof otherwise sure to fight
I've just sold off my flat to move closer to my parents. My mum is still working and won't be looking after my children, but she comes by my place everyday to help with dinner etc.
Here's my story [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
I remember my mum telling me before I got married and when I was expecting my first child:
1) Don't ever stay under the same roof as your MIL if you have a choice
2) Don't ask your MIL to look after your children
I followed her instruction No. 1 but my MIL was so keen to look after my baby when I was expecting so I agreed, and we actually moved home to be closer to her.
Turns out I had a tiff with her during my baby's first month regarding how to look after the baby, and after that, she was very cold towards me. After the first month, I casually asked her if she still wanted to look after, and she actually told me, "Oh, you need me to look after is it?"
I was so pissed off and decided from that day onwards that she will not look after any of my children. Even if no one to look after, I will send to infantcare or childcare.
I got a maid (5 weeks after giving birth) and basically my boy has been cared for by my maid. Cannot expect 100% from maid, but most impt is no bruises on my boy and she looks after him.
Now I'm expecting No.2 and my MIL volunteered to look after my 3yr old boy after I've given birth, saying I won't be able to cope. I said very nicely, thank you, no need lah, if cannot cope then I will tell her.
We visit my MIL side every Sun afternoon with my boy. Relationship with her is ok, can chit chat, but cannot stay under same roof otherwise sure to fight
I've just sold off my flat to move closer to my parents. My mum is still working and won't be looking after my children, but she comes by my place everyday to help with dinner etc.
sunshinebb
New Member
hihi welcome irene...u #4??? wow how r u gg to cope...me #1 alrdy headache
u just found u pregg? when is ur EDD?
u just found u pregg? when is ur EDD?
coopie, his mom say wanna hv reunion on 29th Jan this year cos youngest BIL flying back to US on 1st day of CNY wee hr in the morning.
Ya..i agree he got good family value of being filial to his parents but shuldnt that oso include being good to his wife and children? My mom always teach me to be nice to my hb cos he will be the one i spend the rest of my life wif and not my parents cos they will leave one day.. shuldnt that be the way? Apparently they are not lor!
Actually his family not happy I going back with my son for reunion. His mom will nag, my hb will nag oso saying i can go back, leave the boy wif him but knowing my son..he will not! Haha.. furthermore, my hb dunno how to handle my kid. So does my MIL! If i let my son stay here with them, confirm they let him drink coke, eat sweet, hv biscuit after 10pm etc.. their lifestyle is like that..
Ya..i agree he got good family value of being filial to his parents but shuldnt that oso include being good to his wife and children? My mom always teach me to be nice to my hb cos he will be the one i spend the rest of my life wif and not my parents cos they will leave one day.. shuldnt that be the way? Apparently they are not lor!
Actually his family not happy I going back with my son for reunion. His mom will nag, my hb will nag oso saying i can go back, leave the boy wif him but knowing my son..he will not! Haha.. furthermore, my hb dunno how to handle my kid. So does my MIL! If i let my son stay here with them, confirm they let him drink coke, eat sweet, hv biscuit after 10pm etc.. their lifestyle is like that..
sunshinebb
New Member
blue skies...yes u make a gd choice to sold ur flat and move near ur mum...that wht i did....wohahaha
sugarspunlily
New Member
Coopie/crystal: haa i am mixed, so is my DH. BOTH our moms are Chinese, BOTH dads are half Malay & half Chinese!
So actually a lot of headache planning for visits, just trying not to think of it now hehe
Now both DH n i are discussing abt CNY plans.
Kinda confirmed tt reunion dinner will be at my family's plc, then on CNY day, settle his auntie's place first in East Coast then head off to my grandma's plc in Queenstown then go to my ChorChor plc in Chinatown.
One step at a time lor ;o
I have 2 festivals to be headache abt! Lol last hari raya, i so caught between hubby n my parents lor LOL!
Haiz
So actually a lot of headache planning for visits, just trying not to think of it now hehe
Now both DH n i are discussing abt CNY plans.
Kinda confirmed tt reunion dinner will be at my family's plc, then on CNY day, settle his auntie's place first in East Coast then head off to my grandma's plc in Queenstown then go to my ChorChor plc in Chinatown.
One step at a time lor ;o
I have 2 festivals to be headache abt! Lol last hari raya, i so caught between hubby n my parents lor LOL!
Haiz
cary
Active Member
J2010T, hee ... cos he was supposed to be a gemini and then my sis keep telling him to be a taurus and he really came out last day of taurus loh!
Sounds like alot are really monsters-in-laws... mine is still ok, I have my grumbles too but maybe after staying with them for 3.5 years now, I'm used to it already ... if i got things to complain, I will go complain to my dad and sis haha
Sounds like alot are really monsters-in-laws... mine is still ok, I have my grumbles too but maybe after staying with them for 3.5 years now, I'm used to it already ... if i got things to complain, I will go complain to my dad and sis haha
X
xinyue
Guest
crystal cloud > wa.. ur reunion dinner so fair, one on 1st feb, one on 2nd feb. that monster empress dowager of mine, booked us on both 1 and 2 feb. Horrible..
1st feb is to help her clear her fridge. zzz 2nd feb is the actual reunion dinner which don't know start at what time. zzzz
1st feb is to help her clear her fridge. zzz 2nd feb is the actual reunion dinner which don't know start at what time. zzzz
crystal > his family loves to have girls cos mom onie gave birth to 3 boys! she really really harping for bb girl one leh. NOw i hv #2, she keep saying is a girl liao. each time i heard that, i felt like answering back "what will u do if it's a boy again? Dont love him?" Haha.. but of course i will not do that lar.. i may be very garang but i still dun dare to answer back to my MIL..not tat stage yet..lolz
I consulted lawyer last time cos we alr on the verge of separation many times. and each time my hb really tink i juz say nia no action. So i went ahead n look for a lawyer but because we are not married for 3 full years, cannot file for divorce and separation must be consensual fr both side. asked him he dun wanna sign, so no point i pay $800 for lawyer to draft the deed. So lawywer advise me to wait till full 3 years and decide what to do. Chances of me getting full custody of my son is high since he is young and usually court will place child with mother for better care. My hb knows I will do what I preach so he dun dare to try anything funny or stop me from doing things that I want as long as i dun go overboard lar.. i mean if he say go his parents place, i will still go etc. but hor, unfair is when i go back for my mthly visit, he can say he dun wanna go one leh. If i dun go back to his hse, he will ask y dun wanan go etc.. so idiot hor!
i may be very garang but i still dun dare to answer back to my MIL..not tat stage yet..lolz I consulted lawyer last time cos we alr on the verge of separation many times. and each time my hb really tink i juz say nia no action. So i went ahead n look for a lawyer but because we are not married for 3 full years, cannot file for divorce and separation must be consensual fr both side. asked him he dun wanna sign, so no point i pay $800 for lawyer to draft the deed. So lawywer advise me to wait till full 3 years and decide what to do. Chances of me getting full custody of my son is high since he is young and usually court will place child with mother for better care. My hb knows I will do what I preach so he dun dare to try anything funny or stop me from doing things that I want as long as i dun go overboard lar.. i mean if he say go his parents place, i will still go etc. but hor, unfair is when i go back for my mthly visit, he can say he dun wanna go one leh. If i dun go back to his hse, he will ask y dun wanan go etc.. so idiot hor!
irenelimjh
New Member
sunshinebb - cos' i've a caring hubby..=)
X
xinyue
Guest
cary > that is what MIL said. clear her fridge so she can buy food needed for the reunion. steamboat ma, so all frozen and MSG food.
clear her fridge means she might be cooking slightly more than usual and we help her to eat.
clear her fridge means she might be cooking slightly more than usual and we help her to eat.
feimei: realli bless.coz i have frenz whose MIL like u guys so demanding. when i heard her telling mi her stories realli headache! but what to do is HD's mother.
Jan-ice: i think if buy a new flat can no need to stay with ur in laws at least u 2 can have personal time. y not tell ur HD say go back once a week
Jan-ice: i think if buy a new flat can no need to stay with ur in laws at least u 2 can have personal time. y not tell ur HD say go back once a week
jgwee
Member
wow.... Mummies! u all cum on this interesting topic! MIL [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
I also stay with my MIL... i can says there's pros & cons lah...
My MIL beri nice... but u all knw lah... We have our own style... and we r not brou up with MIL... so is diff lah.. the feeling is nv like own mother and daughter .... but for cases where by MIL dun hv daughter is different.. hahah so XW, u r lucky [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
But my MIL oso helps us alot lah.. look after my ACTIVE boy [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] and she reali takes gd care of him because 1st grandson mah.. and my HB is the only son.
We stayed tgt for few yrs already... sometimes I still hv some grumbles lah... but tat's life ... we still hv to go on.. just c things more OPENLY... "看开一点"
tat's what my HB always tells mi... BUT it's not easy... [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
I also stay with my MIL... i can says there's pros & cons lah...
My MIL beri nice... but u all knw lah... We have our own style... and we r not brou up with MIL... so is diff lah.. the feeling is nv like own mother and daughter .... but for cases where by MIL dun hv daughter is different.. hahah so XW, u r lucky [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
But my MIL oso helps us alot lah.. look after my ACTIVE boy [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] and she reali takes gd care of him because 1st grandson mah.. and my HB is the only son.
We stayed tgt for few yrs already... sometimes I still hv some grumbles lah... but tat's life ... we still hv to go on.. just c things more OPENLY... "看开一点"
tat's what my HB always tells mi... BUT it's not easy... [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
xinyue, how come must clear her fridge? Haha..
my mom is coming this weekend, she will confirm help me de-clutter my kitchen! She always does that when she comes to SG with my dad.. love her to bits!! She arrange all my stuff nicely like the way i like from small to big, short to tall, color coordinated etc.. best of all, my cupboard full of food oso she arrange..
is good if MIL is good! Actually last time i m not like that one leh.. i tried to be nice to my MIL initially like bringing her to facial etc since i know i rarely see my mom etc. But she is not thankful of this little things i do, like buy handbags, bring her to facial, bake etc.. she will still complain. She cannot do facial, lie down on the bed will get headache (i wonder how she sleep at night), design of handbag not nice etc.. then i decided to stop all these! So no more..i rather spend the $$ on myself
my mom is coming this weekend, she will confirm help me de-clutter my kitchen! She always does that when she comes to SG with my dad.. love her to bits!! She arrange all my stuff nicely like the way i like from small to big, short to tall, color coordinated etc.. best of all, my cupboard full of food oso she arrange..
is good if MIL is good! Actually last time i m not like that one leh.. i tried to be nice to my MIL initially like bringing her to facial etc since i know i rarely see my mom etc. But she is not thankful of this little things i do, like buy handbags, bring her to facial, bake etc.. she will still complain. She cannot do facial, lie down on the bed will get headache (i wonder how she sleep at night), design of handbag not nice etc.. then i decided to stop all these! So no more..i rather spend the $$ on myself
timberchampagne
Member
crystal_cloud > hmm...sort of. i think i did agree for her to come stay wif us when first got our new flat. maybe coz at tat time, i feel too excited, everything also ok. but now i hv a change of mind, i hv been staying wif my parents for so many years, i finally hv my own place, my freedom.
Oh my MIL is staying wif my hb's elder sis who is abit retarded and unmarried and some cousins. complicated! FIL die when my hb is born, so I kinda pity him when first met him coz he grew up w/o a father.
Oh my MIL is staying wif my hb's elder sis who is abit retarded and unmarried and some cousins. complicated! FIL die when my hb is born, so I kinda pity him when first met him coz he grew up w/o a father.
Blue_Skies - my mum gave me the same 2 sets of advice... Dun relay on MIL... Do things which u think is right...
1) Don't ever stay under the same roof as your MIL if you have a choice (I moved half the island away)
2) Don't ask your MIL to look after your children (booked my CL and IFC before letting them know im preggy)
Im quite lucky in a way that hubby will agree with me as long as i make sense and not want by way for the sake of winning... Reunion dinner without fail we will alternate to eat on eve of CNY at parents house. No rm for nego... All this discussed before I sign on the dotted line...
Even visiting also the same... We will visit each side elders on day 1, parents on day 2... So equal standing...
1) Don't ever stay under the same roof as your MIL if you have a choice (I moved half the island away)
2) Don't ask your MIL to look after your children (booked my CL and IFC before letting them know im preggy)
Im quite lucky in a way that hubby will agree with me as long as i make sense and not want by way for the sake of winning... Reunion dinner without fail we will alternate to eat on eve of CNY at parents house. No rm for nego... All this discussed before I sign on the dotted line...
Even visiting also the same... We will visit each side elders on day 1, parents on day 2... So equal standing...
timberchampagne
Member
modisch.bebe> i just feel tat dun let ur MIL ruin ur happy marriage wif ur hb. i know its easy to say then done. but maybe u could find ways on how to 'handle' her w/o affecting others like ur hb or ur kids. can do internet research on how to deal wif 'difficult' MIL?
Daph, other than having MIL prob, me n my hb are ok just that we rarely communicate. SMS consider? Hahah.. ok lar. we dun look like married couple. Go out i walk in front he walk behind, at home we dun talk..
i m pregnant now cos i love kids!! I really wanted to have #2.. so i dun care whether i still love my hb or not i want to have kids means i want.. anyway, not wif him, i can support my kids on my own.
i m pregnant now cos i love kids!! I really wanted to have #2.. so i dun care whether i still love my hb or not i want to have kids means i want.. anyway, not wif him, i can support my kids on my own.
Singapore's declining birth rate
Singapore's birth rate continued to decline in 2009. The Prime Minister blamed it on the economic crisis. But, the birth rate has been falling in good years as well. The various incentives introduced by the Government during the past two decades failed to work.
My "common sense" observations and talking to ordinary people tell me that families are having less children due to the following reasons:
- High cost of living
- Insecurity of jobs
- High cost and burden of educating the child
- No fun for children to take the pressure of childhood
The complicated incentives, to give different benefits to different child according to birth order, year of birth, status of mothers and many other factors did not help.
We should not blame this situation on the modern lifestyle. While the birth rate is falling in other developed countries as well, the situation in Singapore is among the worst in the world. We are seeing the outcome of our social and economic policies.
To improve the birth rate, I would prefer to implement the following measures:
- Have the cost of raising two children in each family to be borne by the state, and not be a financial burden for the family
- Change the education system to avoid the competition to be top, but to educate our young to be literate, numerate, have social skills and character and to play.
Interesting!! Haha
Singapore's birth rate continued to decline in 2009. The Prime Minister blamed it on the economic crisis. But, the birth rate has been falling in good years as well. The various incentives introduced by the Government during the past two decades failed to work.
My "common sense" observations and talking to ordinary people tell me that families are having less children due to the following reasons:
- High cost of living
- Insecurity of jobs
- High cost and burden of educating the child
- No fun for children to take the pressure of childhood
The complicated incentives, to give different benefits to different child according to birth order, year of birth, status of mothers and many other factors did not help.
We should not blame this situation on the modern lifestyle. While the birth rate is falling in other developed countries as well, the situation in Singapore is among the worst in the world. We are seeing the outcome of our social and economic policies.
To improve the birth rate, I would prefer to implement the following measures:
- Have the cost of raising two children in each family to be borne by the state, and not be a financial burden for the family
- Change the education system to avoid the competition to be top, but to educate our young to be literate, numerate, have social skills and character and to play.
Interesting!! Haha
timberchampagne
Member
J2010T> yeah i m trying to negotiate wif my hb abt his mum. i mentioned something like i dun mind her staying over over e weekends. then weekdays i can go work. seems like its working, but i still fighting for my way. hahaaa....hmm..he cant afford to fly back every week. Airticket ex.
X
xinyue
Guest
modisch > no idea. I always thought fridge need to be full full for CNY.
crystal_cloud
Member
blueskies i cant agree more than wat u stay!
strictly cannot stay with inlaws and canot let them take care of baby de.
alot of arguments will arise coz diff mentality!!!!
now i understand how tough my mom is when she has us with her mil (my granny)!
modisch.bebe (zachmommy)
i think no matter wat, canot ans back to MIl..once during my wedding prep, we had a great misunderstanding with MIL..she was angry with took a wedding date without asking her opinion..so she refused to talk to us! she scolded me, pointed fingers at me, yelled at me and i din even retaliate..and kept quiet!
juts ignore your MIL!! ignore her statements on must be agirl! etc, happen to my fren too!!
my mil also casually asked me gender of baby when i showed her bb's scan at 12 weeks..mayb she hoping for boy bah..coz she already got 3 granddaughters..but in anycase i cannot determin de ma..blame on the son's sperm lo lol
the part on going back his folk's hse u will go but going back to kl he wont go > think your hubby needs to sort out his thoughts and be fair to you..afterall you also someone's child..your parents must hasve missed you..probably can come to terms and you give in by prob sugestting go back once every 2 months bah..mayb every month is too tiring for him and his work?
jgwee (jgwee)
you are lucky then..not all mil can allow us to step into 'kan kai dian' some realli goes into raising her authority as MIL and elderly and call the shots..
so far i have bridge the bond with my mil from a very nasty gap..now everyting works fine..and my mil is targeting on SIL..they are on very bad terms now..poor SIL...
im just glad we dont live under same roof, so during each visit, we will still talk, smile and engaged in normal conversations.
other than that is: out of sight, out of mind
but when in sight, have to respect and do my duty as DIL bah..and show her i din snatch her son, i still will ask her son call her care for her, so she wont detest me so much
daph,
mayb modisch.bebe has both sweet patches and rough patches with her hubby..i mean not all 365 days will quarel de ma..mayb some days will be sweet to each other..but problems arises on some topics lo.
jan-ice,
if you agreed initailly and changed your mind now, it will seemed to be your fault..sorry to say coz a promise is a promise..u have to talk tactfully to your huuby for his understanding y u have change of mind...
so if your MIL move in, your hb's elder sis also move in?!
strictly cannot stay with inlaws and canot let them take care of baby de.
alot of arguments will arise coz diff mentality!!!!
now i understand how tough my mom is when she has us with her mil (my granny)!
modisch.bebe (zachmommy)
i think no matter wat, canot ans back to MIl..once during my wedding prep, we had a great misunderstanding with MIL..she was angry with took a wedding date without asking her opinion..so she refused to talk to us! she scolded me, pointed fingers at me, yelled at me and i din even retaliate..and kept quiet!
juts ignore your MIL!! ignore her statements on must be agirl! etc, happen to my fren too!!
my mil also casually asked me gender of baby when i showed her bb's scan at 12 weeks..mayb she hoping for boy bah..coz she already got 3 granddaughters..but in anycase i cannot determin de ma..blame on the son's sperm lo lol
the part on going back his folk's hse u will go but going back to kl he wont go > think your hubby needs to sort out his thoughts and be fair to you..afterall you also someone's child..your parents must hasve missed you..probably can come to terms and you give in by prob sugestting go back once every 2 months bah..mayb every month is too tiring for him and his work?
jgwee (jgwee)
you are lucky then..not all mil can allow us to step into 'kan kai dian' some realli goes into raising her authority as MIL and elderly and call the shots..
so far i have bridge the bond with my mil from a very nasty gap..now everyting works fine..and my mil is targeting on SIL..they are on very bad terms now..poor SIL...
im just glad we dont live under same roof, so during each visit, we will still talk, smile and engaged in normal conversations.
other than that is: out of sight, out of mind
but when in sight, have to respect and do my duty as DIL bah..and show her i din snatch her son, i still will ask her son call her care for her, so she wont detest me so much
daph,
mayb modisch.bebe has both sweet patches and rough patches with her hubby..i mean not all 365 days will quarel de ma..mayb some days will be sweet to each other..but problems arises on some topics lo.
jan-ice,
if you agreed initailly and changed your mind now, it will seemed to be your fault..sorry to say coz a promise is a promise..u have to talk tactfully to your huuby for his understanding y u have change of mind...
so if your MIL move in, your hb's elder sis also move in?!
crystal_cloud
Member
lunch time folks!! continue later [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif][IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif][IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
timberchampagne
Member
modisch.bebe> wow wow you sure a strong independent woman. i like!! but then its not u, now its ur kids. your kids need daddy and mummy. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]
i totally agree with you on this news - Singapore's declining birth rate. its our 'head' tat makes it so difficult to have kids or more kids. so selfish, he shd spare tots for us, singaporeans.
i totally agree with you on this news - Singapore's declining birth rate. its our 'head' tat makes it so difficult to have kids or more kids. so selfish, he shd spare tots for us, singaporeans.