(2011/02) Feb 2011

kindabueno, my aunt's boy just auto switch from sarong to bed. anyway he's the type of co-operative baby since birth.



talking about gaining weight? i lost 6kg in first trimester, till now only managed to gain back the 6kg.. not sure bout my bb's weight yet..



but i gain 22kg for my no.1 tho... only managed to shed 12kg then i got no2.



idaar, stay strong! you can do it!



seems alot of SAHM here..

 


Fiona: i use yoko yoko n no effects so i continue using...



Ah ching: ask ur hubby to mop the floor la...cant do much strenous stuff cuz i stil having low placenta...but i stil carry him cuz he wan attention...



Sometimes i will take cane n pretend to wana hit him...if nt i will raise my voice n he will behave...aft tat i will hug n talk to him n he will understand...n of course when he is gd i will reward him wif yummy treats like chocolates/sweets or go playground...



I m a SAHM due to no choice...my boy was conceived to let my mum haf a grandchild but she passed away 2mths b4 kaiden is born...tat time i stil wk until my dad also health nt gd...thus i decided to quit n SAHM...trust me i hate stayg at hm n wish to go back wk but no one can look aft my boy...thus me n hubby decided to haf another one...tahan another yr then get a maid n i wk pt to look aft them....

 
Ah ching: put more mattress when slp on floor...



Re: Sarong/yaolan

I thought of getting one this time n use in the day while at nite we will all squeeze on the king size bed...no space for cot cuz we staying at my dad hse n waiting for our flat bto in 3yrs time...



Idaar: do more happy stuff n enjoy....n u will giv birth to a hapi baby too...

 
Amazing Miracle,

No, I never eat durian and beef. I think e biggest contribution is rice and sweet stuff bah. Plus I had heavy breakfast for almost every day during my 2nd Tri. Now keep reminding myself to cut my carbo intake and eat healthier [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Hi all



I'm fine with meeting up on 9 Dec, either lunch or dinner is fine.



Idar - going for haircut is good... there's something therapeutic abt chopping off hair when one's upset.. so hope u feel better after that? But better to leave the soft rebonding till later cos of the chemicals used?



In any case, feel like bashing my head against the wall.. i had some spanish ham today without know that it's cured meat and not cooked properly at all.. argggh... can't believe it. hv been avoiding all my favourite sashimi, salad, cheese and half-cooked egg all these while and now i hv to go shoot myself in the foot to try that ham which didn't even taste very good [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif] really hope there won't be any repercussions or I really can't forgive myself.. arggh.

 
hi every1, how things? so long didnt log in...

any1 missed me? hee...



ah ching, how old is ur 1st child now. i also bath my gal & have to lift her from her bathtub.. feel abit "xin ku" but no choice hav to bath her. furthermore, she also very clingy to me.. go out insisted i carry her. haiz..



how my dear charmaine? hope she alright now.. *hugs*



how abt KK? coz i change from tmc to KK. duno KK give wat freebies.. any idea?

last time tmc, giv alots thing like diaper bag, pampers, enfa milk (i request one.. keke), Sanitizer, receiving blanket, clothing, pad.. hmm.. wat else...

 
i also do my usual hw such as mop the floor & vacuum the floor, carry my gal, bath my gal, cook my gal lunch & dinner, make my gal zzz etc.



recently bought cot bed for my #1. coz the playpen have to give my #2 when she born next year. i put the cot bed beside our bed coz usually at night my gal will zzz on our bed and the way my gal zzz, i hardly have any space on the bed. haha. now i finally have my space back.

 
after being pregnant with #2, i realise having 1st baby is the most not stressful one. although everything is new to u, u only have to take care of urself and the baby inside u. but preggy with #2, beside taking care of urself, the baby inside u, plus ur #1, housework, sometimes hubby.. actually, i really salute mummies who preggy with #2

 
Idaar

Be strong.



I find that we should not compare our waistline and wt and everyone is diff to start with.

I am 40kg bef 1st child. 42kg bef 2nd child. now i m 47kg and bb is 1kg and i m 26 weeks. both preg low placenta. this x i need to take iron.

i am a sahm 6 months aft delivery. same as a mummy here, i do everything in the office. so bef i go on ml i trained an assistant. then i still work from work during ml. no choice. do payroll at home too.

i have got a maid and i should let go of the maid when we sold and moved to PIL house but din cos we need the maid to be there so as to lessen the conflicts between us. The maid is still here even now we have moved out cos i am preg with 2nd. Financially v tight. But i need to have a helper as my health is not good (low placenta etc) and my 1st child v attached to me and no one helping me and she needs to attend shichida on wkday cos cheaper. so no choice need to haf a maid. Hubby busy with work so of cos no much time for all these kind of household stuff. It will be good if he can spare more time to bathe and put the 1st child to sleep. He is more like a playmate.

 
agree with darlest

the time when having 1st child is the best thou new. i rem i used to zzz at least 8-10 hours a day. but now, 8-10 hours is a quite difficult.

 
i nvr attended any gathering with my mar 09 mummies too... I am quite shy but once i warm up i am v chatty.



too bad i cant make it on the coming gathering anyway as my ger having class in the mrng. aftn needs to go back and nap.

 
***adding for Kinderbueno***



Raffles City Shopping Centre, Shokudou, B1 (right at the end, after Breadtalk)

1220pm (?)



1.idaarshad **PREFER DINNER** OK 9 DEC - but lunch also ok lah if more ppl want that?

2. geri

3. choc

4. pootz

5. princess 31

6. Rachel

7. Joodz

8. Wish Child - lunch or dinner both can

9. C Nicole - ok for both

10. trinket - lunch can, dinner cannot...

11. Blue Potatochips

12. Unicorn (9th Dec - Lunch ok, dinner can't)

13. MummyFiz

14. Eviangal - if Lunch.. dinner, cant.. need to rush home to see daughter.. 9 Dec ok for lunch.

15 kinderbueno - ok with both

16 Baywater

 
Morning mummies!! Woo hoo!!! It's Friday!!! :D



Mummies who're going down to the Motherhood fair, do b extra careful hor as the Sitex fair is also on so expect huge crowds!



Will b going down tomo morn so can let me know if there's anything that I can help u to keep a lookout for [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
@eviangel-thanks for the update on daily offer!



I think I've been having BH contractions last night. Sudden tightening of the stomache lasting for about 20 secs, even when I'm lying down. It's almost like my tummy had suddenly grown overnight. Everything feels so tight, so painful. Like my baby have no space to move and it's pressing against it... It's no longer fun feeling my baby kick.. coz it's PAINFUL now! I'm suddenly having the tendency to hold on to the tummy to support. Before this, I can almost walk and hop forgetting I'm even pregnant. Is this normal??

 
cheyanne: I put an extra mattress last night and my back is feeling much better!



u say ask my HB to mop the floor. The last time I asked him to do it, he left the mopping water in the toilet for 4 days until it was so stinko!!!

So i had to mop myself, otherwise my boy always pick up his gerber puffs from the floor to eat.

very dirty..

I think it is definitely not safe to let your newborn sleep with your older boy..

definitely must find alt. arrangement, e.g. either boy or baby sleep on the floor..



For me, I'll prob put my gal on the bed and my boy continue sleeping on the floor.

I also have a bassinet.. but cant squeeze the bassinet in my room.

so bassinet maybe use in the daytime in the living room.



so now u got to take care of your boy and father at the same time! so stressful but you're great to be able to handle!

 
darlest: my boy 17mths old..

he can also stand and bathe but i prefer to put him in the tub and rub him with a hanky to make sure i can clean him properly.. ha ha

moreover he loves to play in the tub!



cheyanne, bathe together then who will towel off first? wont it be very slippery?

my boy tries to play with the water on the floor which i find very dirty.

plus adult soup will sting his eyes..

until today I still havent start to shampoo his hair, cos I'm afraid the soap get into his eyes..

so i put some soap in the bath tub..

like that dont know clean or not hor.

 
reverie: yeah.. first pregnancy more fun cos we get to do more shopping too!!

but when no. 2 comes along, we always find financially very tight cos No.1 already takes up a large portion of the family income..



like what u say, we just tahan for this 1-4 years.. then things will be better liao [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



eviangal: the pressure at the v is a sign of infection? then why dr ang do a test for u?

so far this pregnancy, he havent done any internal examination for me yet..

i thot week 36 then need to do the GBS swap..

 
pootz: i think the want to hold stomach thing is very common when we enter 3rd tri..

baby movements also now getting vigorous as they are stronger.. so it is a good sign [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



refering to my baby book:



28 weeks: 1000g

29 weeks: 1200g

32 weeks: 1900g

33 weeks: 2200g

34 weeks: baby gains 300-350g weekly from this week onwards

36 weeks: 2600g

38-40 weeks: 2900 - 3200g



baby therefore gains abt 200 -300g per week! that is like 1 - 1.2kg per month!



so for us who already gained quite a bit of weight, I think we can expect to gain more..

unless we lose weight from other parts of our body..

 
zanta: Dr Ang's scan is just an estimate, anyway it is normal for baby to be more than 3kg when born..

so why u want to do c-sec when baby only 2.7kg?



i still remember Dr Ang wanted me to deliver as he told me my baby already more than 3kg.

but when born only 2.945..

 
Ah Ching: No la.. the infection test is a seperate thing. He said I did it during my last pregnancy too and asked me to do it again since I can claim from company..



Bcos the test was at the v area so he checked if the pressure at v-area isit bcos of cervix opening at the same time lorz..

 
Zanta, thanks alot. My boy has often been mistaken as a ger and he gets angry if pple called him meimei haha.. My bleeding has stopped but I'm still having brownish membrane-alike discharge. My gynae said it's fine unless it turns fresh red or amt becomes alot.



Mami_b, when yr bleeding stopped, do u get brownish discharge too?

 
Oh no pootz.. did you check where did the blood came from? is it due to piles? if not pls go to your gynae soon. Or call up the clinic n check with your gynae. Meanwhile, dont panick. Try to calm yourself down first.

 
@Idaar-



Huggles! I agree with you wholeheartedly that it can only get better. Sayang! Just keep looking on the bright side and forging ahead to a better tomorrow. We have a saying, "The path of the righteous grows brighter and brighter unto the perfect day". Hoping for that for you and your kids… brighter tomorrows all the time.



That strength mummies have comes from love. It is not of our own but because it stems from love, it keeps us going no matter what challenges we face. Seeing that the kids are happy, doing great makes it all worth the while eh? =)



Oh dear. The UTI sounds painful!!! What did the doc say about the pus in the pee? =(



Dun do hair until after give birth.



Our hair reacts to chemicals for rebonding/perm/dying like crap hahaha. Effect won't last or it will be a bit haywire… due to hormones. So dun waste money first. =)





**GIFT EXCHANGE-



I'd love to do gift exchange but these last couple of months have been hard on the finances. I am not sure if I can set aside the cash for it. =) I could help you guys do Photoshop DI for your pictures as a gift in lieu ^.^""" Macam "Photoshop DI gift certificate- good for one." XD



@CNicole and @Charm-



JIA YOU! GAMBATTE! HWAITIN! ADD OIL?! =D



@Fiona-



Charts are not always accurate. Some kids have heavier bones, some kids are larger. Most of these charts are based on ANG MOR sizes so dun beat yourself up.



When Kae was born, he was 2.35kg which is on the light side, but he was very healthy and fine when he entered this world. As long as baby is doing ok and well, don't worry about the weight. They will put on the weight later…



Kae got really chubby at one stage as a baby, then when his metabolic rate kicked in, hahaha he became a lanky stick insect despite our feeding and feeding him.



@Trinket-



Shokudou sounds great! =D Wah so many of us! Hurrah hurrah! Can we meet on Wednesday though? ^.^""" Hubby taking leave esp on Thurs and Fri to help me pack the house (AT LONG LAST!) If not I will leave him instructions and run out to have lunch then run back home again hahaha.





@Ah Ching-



How heavy is your kid? Better not carry him and all for now. =( Could you get him to walk. Do you have a bathroom that hasn't a bath tub? Please take care of yourself!



@Evian-



The MAH one for me was just a soft cotton material one… no toweling. Not sure if they've changed it since Kae's time.



**BABY SIZE PART 2



I would like my baby to be like Kae's size or slightly bigger when I deliver hahaha. I dun need my baby to be 3kg coz he can put on that weight later. Too big take longer and is harder to deliver lah hahahaha.



As long as he is healthy and happy, I don't need Noah to be 3kg and above hahaha.



@Jolin-



Eat healthier. Cut down on the fatty food. Eat carbs that are healthier like brown rice, wholegrain bread rather than white rice and white bread. That should help. Take nuts to snack when hungry… almonds. Very good for baby and not as fattening.



@Joodz-



Please go see the doc. As long as you aren't feeling well and esp if you are having water blisters etc you MUST see the doc!!!



@Wishchild-



Right side pain sounds like round ligament pain or muscle strain I think….



**COCONUT WATER



I recall being told I could drink this once I hit third tri when I was expecting Kae. It helps baby be less waxy when he comes out or something. Lol. I am not sure if early third tri can drink but I prob will just drink once in a while and drink more often closer to the due date hehehe.



Ah Ching-



It could also be that baby is resting on your nerves in your back. If need be, see gynae and check hor.



@Zanta-



I think I was considered PUI before I got preggers so I lagi have to check my weight gain. Lol.



As long as your weight gain is acceptable, dun need to worry.



Wish_child-



Aiya you and I same lah. We cannot put on too much weight. Hehehe.



@Jolin-



LOL! Your "Russell" dream so funny! Baby will be pretty! Dun worry! =D



@OFB-



Ur wife will be fine!!! =D I delivered naturally without epidural, and to be honest, you deliver faster coz u can feel the contractions. And it isn't that bad or maybe because I commanded Kae to come out fast & he did- 15mins. If it was a longer labour, i might be singing a diff tune hahaha.



But try not to induce with chemicals if dun need to, coz induce le is lagi more painful!!



Tell her not to be fearful when she goes in and to think positive thoughts and have positive mental images like baby smiling, going on a holiday that sorta thing… fear causes muscles to tighten and causes it to be more painful.



And if can dun use laughing gas… it really makes u very woozy macam kenah major motion sickness. =ppp



** BABY'S WEIGHT



I have no frigging idea how heavy Noah is now… sighs. I know I put on weight and I am not sure how much of it is Noah's and the amniotic fluid. Lol. My next visit is 8/12 so very excited for it to come soon! I am 29 weeks now after they revised my EDD to one week ahead.



@CHEY and @FIONA



NO YOKO YOKO! Not allowed when we are preggers!!!



Just use a heating pad!! No DEEP HEAT, No menthol rubs, No Eucalyptus even! Not even VICKS! =p



@Kinder-



Baby will be fine!

 
Geri, Yap i cant put on anymore weight. Oh i just drank coconut water on bb 27weeks. Hmm i will start drink it often when my due date is around the corner too. Oh i heard my friend said before we going delivery drink coconut water as will make the delivery time shorter n more easy. Dont know how true is it. Haha will give it a try then tell u all the result.



pootz, Better go see a doc. Maybe as what mimi said is due to pile. But when i have pile time dont pass out blood clot. Only have blood drip in the towel bowl.

 
DARLEST



KKH hardly any freebies apparently. No bath tub, etc. I am gonna try asking the nurses about such stuff at my next appointment in Dec. =)



I KNOW WHAT U MEAN!



I got so upset with my mum the other day (she only had me and she never took care of me when I was younger as she worked FT, I was tossed to my grandma during hols and during weekdays I was with my aunt and on weekends, I practically never demanded her attention coz she was doing housework). Ian has been flying around a lot and her tenant was still living in our flat (just left this week and our store room is connected to her room which was mine previously), so I haven't had a chance to clear the house. I cannot lift heavy things lah and most of the things to clear are heavy cartons and boxes.



I mop the floor, magic clean and mop it twice over each time…. I do the laundry and I have to tutor my boy and spend time with him (teaching him Photoshop now for the hols)…. and I am also doing some short sideline projects or helping out with my hubby's business. I am just thankful Kae is now 8 going on 9 in May, and very independent. He can do practically everything on his own, so I just make sure he gets his meals and do some activities with him, and he is great. He even makes me rest and reads to baby whilst I nap. Lol.



Back to mum… the other day she made some barbed comment about my house doesn't look neat enough lah etc. And I couldn't keep the prams and baby stuff my friends gave us into the store room then as the tenant was still around, so had to leave them in our hall.



I was so damn pissed off that day and I usually hold my tongue these days with her but I was so frazzled I just gave her a piece of my mind. Coz when the house was really super neat, she had nothing nice to say.



To be honest, my relationship with my Mum can be really volatile. My MIL is a total angel though… praise God for that. So I don't have in-law issues… my issues are wholly stemming from my mum. Things are already better than a few years ago though, so I shouldn't complain. I believe it will get better.



Hubby helps with the housework these days and Kae too. Kae is in charge of his own laundry and stuff. Hubby tries to cook for himself and washes up after that. Kae knows how to mop the floor and sweep it too. Lol. Hubby is in charge of helping me put out and keep laundry (Kae also helps out with that).



** MOTHERHOOD FAIR



Probably gonna pass on this as well. I really am not keen on crowds right now. The irony is I'd prob hop into the Sitex fair more than the Motherhood fair. XD I am such a geek!



POOTZ



Yea I've been having BH too. I tried explaining to hubby but he only understood what I meant by tummy hardening last night. Evening it was still softer but by night time, it got hard and round… so he could tell the diff better. XD



AH CHING and CHEY



Kae used to bath with me but stopped after he got conscious of our anatomical difference down there hahahaha



Get a non-slip mat for the bath area and a non-slip rug outside for you to stand on if worried about slipping. NTUC sells a really good non-slip rug for $10 a piece. DON'T USE OLD TEES AND TOWELS… my mum loves using those and poor Kae was going from shower stall to the toilet bowl at her place when he slipped on the tee and banged his nose on the bowl. Got cut and was so painful. I gave them non-slip rugs to use but she kept keeping them aside so I told her off. Went there the other day and the non-slip rugs were in use. Phew!



For shampoo, what I did with Kae was to make him lean back when I wash so the shampoo wouldn't go into his eyes. U can buy shampoo caps for him to wear too. It shades the face from the shampoo. I stopped using Johnson and Johnson coz the shampoo does sting the eyes a bit still… lol. Switched to Sudzy by Amway… we buy their stuff a lot and are members becoz of that. So if you know anyone who sells it, ask them to get it. I tested it first by rubbing my whole face and my eyes with the shampoo- completely sting free. Kae loves it and we still use it now hahaha. It leaves the hair very soft and the fragrance lasts the whole day… when we ran out and Ian wasn't in town to go get it, I used J&J for a bit but Kae didn't like it, neither did I. Lol.



WEIGHT



I am now 81kg!! I have never been this heavy ever!!!! Before #3, I must lose weight and keep fit!



POOTZ-



If ass hurt, could be piles. Touch your anus region, is it puffed up a bit more than usual (usual, u shouldn't feel puffiness). Go see doc if not sure if it is piles.



I had piles too at one point and blood in stool… Drink lots of water and prune juice. Will help soften stools as piles occur when u have hard stools.



Medication for Piles according to KKH handbook



1) Xylocaine (for pain relief)

2) Anusol (astringent to shrink the piles)

 
Wish-



Lol. I will go drink coconut juice later. I miss it actually hahaha. =)

 
hey geri mummy.. i know u are in here since u added me in FB .. hehehehe



yup.... but macam my hair like grass i feel as really not so straight.. hahaha.. as the hairdresser cut my hair... storm came and rained cats and dogs.. really something like how i feel at that moment.... but i was thinking if it was as easy to cut problems away as much as hair.. haizzz....



getting better..progressing better.. would only contact him thru sms as lots of things needed to be done blah...blah... all this will of coz decrease in time and funny as it is.. my mind keeps thinking there n then.. it mite be permanent after all ... less woes in life and concentration on more other things without another party to actually access your capability or the need of you to shine and do ur utmost best... god is helping me [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



pootzzz... shucckkksss.. call or go gynae now!!!!!

 
geri.. gift exchange not now leehhh... its gonna be if we decide to meet up after birth??? just a suggestion if mummies want.. dun wan alos no problems lahhh



mite run to expo tmrw.. just for the feel and fun of it before gg to open push cart ... so maybe mite bump into mummies but we mite nt even know each other.. hehehehe



goon diapers on offer for 1st 150 ppl each day is quite a good buy at $14 for 58pcs.. usually GOON is $20++

 
Idaar-



Lol! I gotta see how even then. Very frankly it got so tight by the end of this month coz of this and that... I felt so stressed out hahaha.



I know the financial side will juz keep getting better... but I probably will be better at giving my services to help make some beautiful baby photos than to buy a gift now. Gift of time, love and skills. =D

 
Hello everyone, these few days really no mood to do anything. Reached home only walked up and down the house wandering aimlessly. This pregnancy is really so much different from the first one and now at night, I can't even prop up and rest my legs because the rib cage will hurt a lot. And don't know since when, my sleeping posture also changes. I no longer sleep on the left side and I kept sleeping on my back. Read it somewhere at sleeping on back cuts off the nutrients and blood flow to the baby.



That's not only the reason why I feel depressed and moody. Sigh! Few days back, something happened and I know that these have been going on but somehow I never expected to hear this during my pregnancy. My mil called my hubby's ex-wife and complained to her about me. And all the nasty words were out. She thought I was in the shower but it always seemed to happen that I always get to hear when she bad mouthed me. Worst of all, the nasty things that she said, my girl was in the room with her.



Sigh ...................................................................

 
Raffles City Shopping Centre, Shokudou, B1 (right at the end, after Breadtalk)

1220pm (?)



1.idaarshad **PREFER DINNER** OK 9 DEC - but lunch also ok lah if more ppl want that?

2. geri

3. choc - ok for luinch...

4. pootz

5. princess 31

6. Rachel

7. Joodz

8. Wish Child - lunch or dinner both can

9. C Nicole - ok for both

10. trinket - lunch can, dinner cannot...

11. Blue Potatochips

12. Unicorn (9th Dec - Lunch ok, dinner can't)

13. MummyFiz

14. Eviangal - if Lunch.. dinner, cant.. need to rush home to see daughter.. 9 Dec ok for lunch.

15 kinderbueno - ok with both

16 Baywater

 
She even went to the extent to say that I always pretend that I am very 辛苦 in front of my hubby and as if I am very great because I am having a baby boy. And this pregnancy is in fact more tiring as compared to the 1st one. And she complains the shorts I wear at home is too short. I kept having yeast infection and the gynae was telling me to air myself as often as I can. My hubby also knows what is happening.



That explains why from the day 1 I am pregnant till now, she never bother to brew tonics for me but yet I know that she always wants a grandson. I don't bother that she doesn't prepare tonics for me as my mum does.



But I just couldn't believe my ears that she said that I always think myself as high and mighty. And when she relates the incident to the ex-wife over the phone, she said that I have no shame at all and blah blah blah.. I know that all along, she does bad mouthed me but I chose not to confront her and just kept quiet. I didn't even tell my hubby about those nasty words that she used.



Now, I am contemplating to go back to my mum's place for confinement if that period doesn't overlaps or coincides on CNY.

 
felpoo.. i think your MIL is too much..

just move out ok.. or tell your HB.

must confront your MIL abt this otherwise she will keep doing it!!



like what u said, it is ex-wife.. EX is history.

why is your MIL still calling her??

if it is me, I'll definitely voice my displeasure that they are still in contact with the EX!

 
FeiPoo-



OH NO!



Wah lau eh. I totally feel for you, FP. Huggggggggles!



Perhaps instead of wearing shorts, try this. I wear a knee length nightgown but go commando below for the same reason u wear short shorts- to avoid yeast infections (so far none, phew). If the material isn't too thin, she can't see anything and she can't complain shorts too short, and neither can she comment on lack of underwear or anything. My Dad is always at my place so I can't exactly wear shorts and go commando hahaha.



She seems to be close to his ex-wife. Perhaps she has hang ups that they split up and is thus "blaming" you of sorts that she can't even hope for them to get together again.



Whatever it is, as long as hubby is loving and supportive, and u have your family to back you up, dun go and worry too much about your MIL or give value to what she says.



How old is your girl again?



My mum does rant and rave about my Dad, me or my Dad's relatives in front of Kae in an unpleasant way A LOT... very very very barbed and not nice things... so I do explain to Kae that what she is doing isn't right, and we should never repeat what she says or give the things she say any value. BUT I do remind him we still have to show her respect and that no matter what my hang ups are with my mum, that's between her and me. He should not be rude to her on my account.



Don't worry, your girl will kinda get it after a while that her granny isn't a saint & discern through what the latter says. HUGGLES!

 
Honestly, head-on confrontation and heated words might not always be the most helpful thing to do, although it does feel like it will help u feel less du lan about the situation. It could actually exacerbate the situation.



When you are less heated up and upset about this, what is best is to sit her down and try to have a heart to heart with her. Explain that you could not help but overhear your conversation with his ex, that you hope that she can come speak to you directly if she is upset about anything so that you have a chance to clear the air with her. Telling his ex will not help improve any underlying issues and try to ask her to put herself in your shoes. Would she, if she was in your position, like it if her husband called an ex-wife? Do remind her that his issue with his ex-wife had nothing to do with you. That you came into the picture after they were through with each other. Whilst you are not against her being close to his ex, as this is her relationship with the other woman, that you hope that she can respect your feelings about talking to her about your issues with each other.



Tell her that you are tired of sweeping things under the carpet with her and want to really build a good relationship with her. Ask her point blank what are the issues about you that she is upset about (and ask this in a non-defensive manner and just let her rant a bit), then tell her perhaps she has misunderstood you a great deal. Offer her your perspective and find a way to compromise with her.



Has she had more than one kid before? If your hubby is her only kid, it will explain her lack of understanding. My mum only had me so she has no idea that having more kids can be more trying.



I won't recommend moving out just now because it will give her ammo against you. Since the issue lies with her and not you, be that bigger person and just continue to be nice and respectful (although damn it is hard). You can hold your head up and say you tried. Make her look like she is being the b*tch & just don't let her go around the neighbourhood telling every ah sor and ah ma that you behaved in such a shameful way by running to "niang jia" that kinda of crap. Because she sounds like she can pull that sort of rubbish out of her hat.

 
Ah Ching, My marriage is complicated. The ex wife is now so called proclaimed as my MIL's god daughter. Actually, I don't mind even if my hubby keeps contact with the ex-wife but when she bad mouthed me, it even extends to my hubby's friends.



I also don't know what I did wrong. Our kitchen is undergoing some renovation and my MIL complained that she couldn't cook at all and my hubby was quite pissed off with her nagging. Thus, he told her to packet food nearby our house but she complained that the food nearby our place is not nice.. blah blah blah.. The night of incident, I packeted food for my dinner and it was already 8pm and I was thinking that she might have taken her dinner already thus I didn't call home and ask her. And with that, I went to pick my girl. When I went back home, I saw my MIL looking very pale and then she told me she only had porridge and I asked her whether she wants to share the food with me. Then she asked me what I packed and I told her it is only fish noodle soup that I bought near our place..



Then she said she didn't want to eat and I told her that if that's the case, I will call my husband to packet for her when he's on his way back. She said she don't want to bother her son but I still make the call. So I went ahead to eat then.



So did I do anything wrong? If she's really very hungry and seeing me not back home, she can at least give me a call and I can packet for her. But she doesn't like the food near our place. And when I offered her my food, she rejected my offer, and yet she complained to the ex-wife and said that I have no sense of shame!

 
wah felpoo, your MIL is really too much. this is the ultimate out of all the MIL-DIL horror stories. she is entitled to her opinions about u but by sharing such personal and intimate details to your hb's exwife(read: OUTSIDER) is really over and might strain the rship between ur hb and u. so selfish of her! she never think of other people other than herself. how horrible to say that in front of your daughter also. yah i agree with ah ching and geri, speak to ur hb. any human being will agree that this is too much. as for the short shorts thing, i guess traditional people are like that or else she just wants to pick at the bones.. let her.. i feel for u.. hugs!

 
Adoi. His ex-wife bad mouths you? =( Sighs. Then, your hubby has to "man up" a little and stand up for you. It is his duty to do so. And he should also make it clear to his friends that his ex is not always telling things to them in an objective manner, and to disregard the crap she says.



Sighs... let ur MIL know that should she need food in future, to call you ahead of time and that it is no problem for you to get her additional food, and that you hope you can get her something she likes to eat as well.... and leave it at that. If need be, write the note in black and white with your phone number and stick it on the fridge also... so it is in clear black and white that you've offered that "service".

 
Geri, I wouldn't suggest that. I remembered an occasion when I was doing my confinement, she kept cursing and swearing at me with profanities on the phone and when I confronted her, she told me she didn't say it blah blah blah.. And with that, she was so angry that she wanted to run away from home. That really put my hubby in a fix.



As I said before, most of the times, I 1 ear in and 1 ear out. I don't even have the energy to go and talk to her. As for my hubby, I am still thinking should I tell him or not.



My hubby can be very straight forward. It's either he will side with my MIL and if that happens, I don't know how much I can take it OR he will confront his mum and makes things worse. I think at this point, I only can pretend ignorance but somehow, the thought of talking or looking at my MIL turns me off.

 
Geri, nope.. It's my MIL who always bad mouth me in front of my hubby's friends and wives. The friends knowing my MIL's character didn't bother with her but guess what?!



On 1 occasion, when we invited my girl's classmate and the family up, she also bad mouthed to the little girl's mother saying that I am useless blah blah blah..

 
I am now in a total flunk. Hope that I can put up a smiling face each time I see her. I know it's going to be a very falsified pretense but do I have a choice? I only hope that if I am going to do my confinement, she dun bully the confinement lady and that will do.



My first CL cut short her stay because according to the CL, my MIL was making life very difficult for her. Don't know how true it's. But this time round, my delivery might overlap the CNY.



Geri, actually my MIL wanted me to go back to my mum's place initially for the confinement. when she knew that my CN was going to cost the son 3k and then she was still telling me that why is it so ex. and then she adds up another 1k for the CL's food during that period, she told me my confinement's very expensive and asked me to go back to my mum's house. Hah ..

 
aiyoh... that means she really really is prejudiced against you. nothing u say or do is likely to change that in the short run.



maybe she really liked the ex-wife and sees you as the reason they broke up... it's amazing that you are willing to live with her. very brave of you leh. any chance or plans to move out?



i believe yr relationship with her will have more of a fighting chance to improve if u don't live with her.



very complicated... esp that the ex-wife is still hanging around in the shadows as her goddaughter oh my.

 
Updated the table a bit - i can make both Wed and Thurs. Geri mentioned she can make Wed, but preferably not Thurs. How bout the rest?



Raffles City Shopping Centre, Shokudou, B1 (right at the end, after Breadtalk)



1.idaarshad **PREFER DINNER** OK 9 DEC - but lunch also ok lah if more ppl want that?

2. geri - prefers 8 Dec lunch, 9 dec preferably not

3. choc - ok for lunch...

4. pootz

5. princess 31

6. Rachel

7. Joodz

8. Wish Child - lunch or dinner both can

9. C Nicole - ok for both lunch or dinner

10. trinket - lunch can, dinner cannot. 8 or 9 dec lunch also can

11. Blue Potatochips

12. Unicorn (9th Dec - Lunch ok, dinner can't)

13. MummyFiz

14. Eviangal - if Lunch.. dinner, cant.. need to rush home to see daughter.. 9 Dec ok for lunch.

15 kinderbueno - ok with both lunch or dinner

16 Baywater

 
Trinket, cannot move out. If we move out, where is my MIL going to stay? She has daughters but my hubby's the only son. I don't think I can do that and it's not right for me to do so.



Trinket, it's going to be a never ending thing with the ex-wife. I remembered when we talked about marriage, she laid out a condition. When she passes away, she wants the ex-wife to "dai xiao" and my parents knew that, they forbade me the marriage. Sometimes, when I think back, as what Geri and Idaar had mentioned, the "what-ifs" thingy. I always asked myself what if I choose to walk out back then, will my life be so much happier. Or was all these a tribulation for me to strengthen myself up?

 


Trinket, on 8dec noon i have checkup at tampines. If confirm 8dec I need to change the appointment time if we have lunch together. So need to confirm with me early if possible. =)

 
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