(2010/12) December 2010 MTB

Klitz, glad to hear that your FIL will help you in this matter... Bu i do feel worried for you that ur MIL and ur hubby might take it out on u if they dun feel they have wrongs... N even if ur hubby willing to move out, will the beating get worse cos nobody except u guys at home... My cousin faced abuse pro too due to her ex hubby bad temper and now she has divorced and brought her 2 gers to stay with her parents... Pray hard for you that ur problems will be solved soon... I do understand that you put ur BB as priority but do take note that u urself (mentally n physical) is important too... SO please dun endure jus for the sake of ur BB k... [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] WOrse scenerio is just bring bb with you to ur parents... I wish the best for you n ur family...

 


klitz - i hope ur MIL n hb will take it nicely tonight... should they turn around like wat Lena said, do try to stay clam and tahan til the best possible moment for you to bring urself n bb to ur mum's.. do not try to leave immed wf bb as it might lead to 'baby snatching' which will add trauma to ur bb.. ur MIL sounds rather bossy and unreasonable and im reali afraid she will try to take bb away fr u.. avoid packing much things to avoid attention.. keeping u n ur bb in my prayers...

 
Klitz,

I am the devil's advocate here & some of u may not agree with my views but I would encourage you to work towards the path of DIVORCE.



Like rainbow, I come from a family of divorced parents & as a child, I live in fear everyday. Hitting, throwing things, screaming words between my parents happened everyday and it was really scary. When my mum could not take it anymore & wanted a divorce coupled with proof of infidelity & abuse, I suppported her decision though I was still barely 12 years old. Although children normally would want both parents with them, but it has come to a point whereby I wanted to live IN PEACE even if it means not having both parents around at the same time. My mum took custody of us & she was so much happier after leaving an abusive & unfaithful marriage.



You need to collect evidence of abuse & infidelity eg.receipts of budget hotels, record of smses and whatever you can lay your hands on so as to ensure custody of your child (though it is true that the court will normally grant it to the mother). And like what rachelchong said, if you can spend his $$$, dig his assets or whatever, you should start to do it now. Cos as a single mother in future, you will need all the finances available.



Marrying a husband who is afraid of or always sides his mother is usually bad news. From the way you describe, he is even willing to interrupt the baby's rest just so that your MIL can show off the baby to those 三姑六婆. So obviously he does not have his baby's interest at heart but just scared of going against his precious lao-bu. And visiting prostitutes & slamming your head are totally unacceptable behaviour. A leopard seldom changes its spots. He will still continue to be like that or get worse as the days go by. Please consider moving back to your own family for a more nurturing environment.



It is good that your FIL seems to be a nicer person, but talking to him may just be a temporary solution. Your husband & MIL may resent the fact that you 'complained' about them so please be mindful of your safety & sanity in the days to come. Even if you, hubby & baby move out (but it seems that your husband does not want to, having lived comfortably in his big house with 2 maids), are you sure he will not ill-treat you or baby in future cos like LenaSun said, there would be nobody at home except you 3.



Wait n see how now, hopefully things will somehow improve in time, but do not rule out divorce.



Take care.

 
Klitz: I stay near you, so if you need any help, just holler.



Whatever happens, stay strong for your baby...



I was married previously. I annulled my marriage then because my ex-husband (whom I knew for 10years) was seeing a mutual friend. It was 3 weeks before our customary wedding before we decided to call it off. Thank goodness then I had all the receipts of my contribution to the household etc, so I was able to claim my money back from him through my lawyer. But the emotional scar from the betrayal was bad. The good side of it is that I came out of it stronger and is now happily married to someone who loves me.

 
Klitz, glad that your fil seems to be a much understanding person. Man at this age shld be independent already but not behave like a mummy boy. Probably your mil spoilt him too much. I believe your fil want him to be a better father n husband too hence want him to move out. Anyway, dun suffer in silent, muz always shout for help if he dare to lay a finger on u again. I believe no one in the family will stand to watch...

 
it was a once off case tt he raised his hands. so far he hasnt done tt again. or i'll not forgive him. if really neccessary, i'll go ahead with the divorce if things still does not work out with my FIL's help.

 
muddypaws, kudos to you for being strong and doing what u feel is right! it's never easy to end a relationship but it is impt not shortchange ourselves when it comes to love.

 
seems that somehow many of us have unpleasant r/s experiences before...

just to share ... i also have an ex bf whom i been together since school days for 10 yrs... 10 yrs lei.. of cos i will think he's the ONE i will marry right... but guess what... that one fine day he say we need to have cooling period so i can have freedom and do the things i want... (guess its like he can do the things he want) ... and stupid me think its my fault... my fault of not being a good gf or wat... and all my frens tell me don be stupid.. must be he got another new love... but cannot decide and want both so tell me to wait...



but i gave him 1 mth cooling period... and i cried everyday ... still remember i cried until no tears ... dry up... and whenever i heard sad love songs.. i feel i am like the person inside the song... blaming myself for not being good enough... then when 1 mth up.. he said we need more time to cool ... and that's when i start to think... its like i am at the crossroad, should i wait or move on... and i decide to move on... and guess what... when i put up mind to move on... i really did! i start to know more new guys and go for gp outings... and then HE say why i am such a woman... can go out with guys like that... (btw, that time i also heard he was dating/chasing a new gal at his evening school)



but he the one say we need more freedom to do the things we want..and when i try to know more guys.. he say how come i so "easy" type.. and he keep saying there's no third party involved... all my frens say i m stupid to believe him... of cos he sure got a new gf...



now thinking back.. i think he must have betray me since early days... still remember got 1 Valentine Day, he celebrated with me on the eve instead of actual day... cos his reason is he need to accompany his buddies whom are single on V day ... and i ok with him though i m not happy... maYB since then, he already betray me... and my frens told me he actually tried chasing another gal when he's on a r/s with me but they don dare to tell me cos i may not believe it...



anyway... he did date the gal fr his eveing school soon after we broke off .... but he insist he only chase her after we broke off ... bUT I glad i make the right choice to move on... although i lost my 10yrs of youth ... but i get to marry a better guy ...

haiz.... sometimes i cannot imagine he really cheat on me.. even after we broke off .... within that 1 year , he still insist he never lie to me but all my frens tell me don be stupid and believe him...



oh ya... i remember .. i emailed him happy birthday that 1st yr when we broke... and he wrote me bk a nasty email telling me not to pester him... i am so piss off... and i call him to question him... then he said his gf checked his mail and he has no choice but to reply to me in this manner and guess what... he still dare to ask me to patch back when he is in another R/S!!! From that instance, i finally realise i made the right choice to move on... if he can ask me to patch back when he's in a r/s.. that means he can do more ugly things when we are bk together...

 
By the way just to share, I know a bit off topic today. Haha. Wing tai having warehouse sales for fox. A lot of baby fox items for sales. I went there this afternoon. Sock at $1, tees at $6/$8, dress at $19, bottom at $13, etc.

 
Klitz

Be strong. I've met you once and I find you such a nice lady. Lovely baby too. Sad that such a thing happen to you. Like many mothers suggested, take your baby to your moms place. That's the best solution for now. As for the infidelity and abuse, you gotta decide for yourself if you want to remain in the marriage. It's not an easy decision.

 
klitz: i feel sad for u ans angry at ur hb. many big hugs for u~

hw dare he beat u! too bad u were having confinement. else u can beat him back. other than the email u have, those smses as dewdew said, use ur phone to take pics of it. Shifting to ur mum place is a good idea for nw. Bring ur gal along. But meanwhile hope ur FIL can help .

 
Klitz, i really hope things work out for u. We only live once so must be a happy one. Take care n be strong for your bb n ur parents.

 
Klitz, do take care of yourself & stay strong for your baby. Your parents r always there for u so do remember u can always go home. No one deserves to be abused physically or mentally by their spouse. 老婆应该被疼爱的!

 
Jus manage to go through some posts tdy .. it's going to be another long weekend. Happy holidays!!



klitz: For whatever had happened, be strong & brave. I believe your child will give you the strength & courage to move on, whether you're staying on with this marriage.

For your child's sake, insist on whatever is good for her .. health & well being. Put yourself above all, you are one great mother and it'll always be. With this in mind, it'll lead you to the right path.

Remember: fight for yourself & your baby. If your spouse resort to violence again, please go on with your life & dun look back. No normal man will hit a woman. Only cowards hit on women.

As for your MIL, show up your true color as a woman too .. you won't be afraid of her.



Stay calm & take good care of your safety. You're not alone. Jia you ok.

 
Hi mummies!! I had created a group in facebook name December 2010 MUMMY!! Pls come n join us!! So far there is already 7 of us!!

 
Klitz: Jia You.. I usually dun talk here as i am abit slow to due with so many reply here.. Lols.. Anyway i had randomly read ur post!! I totally understand ur situation as since day 1 e bb born i am not staying with my hubby.. He also hardly come n visit me.. I cry everyday.. Now i try to tell myself to stay positive n think of my bb.. N I had alot problem with my MIL.. She even tell me not to ask my hubby to fetch us to see doctor n ask me to try to go by myself.. She doubt BM is sufficient for my full term bb when she read article saying that BM is insufficient for premature baby.. She insist that I let my BOY wear GIRL clothes since her sister bought it for my boy.. After listening to radio she insist that only CAT hair coz allergy n not DOG hair.. Worse is she is simply rude to my mum.. Even baby vaccination, she insist taking 2 injection is better that e 6 in 1.. Everything that i do she wanna me to do it in her ways.. She keep cleaning things that i bring to her hse.. When her hse is full of dog hair that wasnt clean up.. Both me n hubby had childhood asthma.. Thats is why i am against bb to contact with dog fur.. She even check on my stuff that is left in my hubby room.. Tons of thing to complain.. Beside that.. Staying apart is driving me crazy as I am always with my hubby when i am pregnant.. The only thing that keep me going is my baby.. We quarrel multiple of times.. I wanna so much to divorce.. Wanna so much to die.. But e moment i see my baby smile to me.. I endure every shit.. I believe things will be better when he grow up!!

 
Klitz: i give up e idea of divorce as i am not working n my In law are financially stable.. I am afraid that e baby will be snatch away.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]

 
Hi angel,

First of all , we already have a group already.. U can join us if u want.. We have about 30plus mummies already..



Angel,

I think ur case is rather different from klitz as her hb has been unfaithful.. Mil is not the fatal in their case .. But more of abuse and unfaithful.. Her crazy mil will try to snatch away bb from her.. But then again she is working..

 
hi mummies, another long weekend awaits!



lots of excitement yest...with the royal wedding omg Catherine looked soooooooo beautful and her dress was very simple and elegant but you could see there were many intricate details on the dress. I wasn't wowed by her bouquet however, but apparently the flowers were all symbolic:



"The bouquet spoke a message in the language of flowers. Designed by Shane Connolly, it featured blooms of significance to both families:Lily-of-the-valley - meaning return of happiness; Sweet William - for gallantry; hyacinth - for constancy of love; ivy - for fidelity, marriage, wedded love, friendship and affection; and myrtle - the emblem of marriage and love."



if you're interested to read more about the dress (heehee) http://fashion.telegraph.co.uk/article/TMG8477689/Kate-Middleton-wedding-dress-is-Sarah-Burton-for-Alexander-McQueen.html



Then LKY dropped in for a visit at my neighborhood yest evening as well! Supposedly to officiate the opening of this pavillion they just built...but we all know the real reason he came, right? All the 5 MPs were there also, my girl recognised Masagos from the time he visited her preschool, and said she wanted to talk to him, haha!



We waited for 30 mins for MM to come, by then the kids and I were v restless already so I went home. Just as I got to my front gate, they announced MM come liap. ZZZ. I managed to get a glimpse of the back of his head as he walked towards the pavilion. He didn't stay long, just spoke a little and took some QA from the audience. My husband, who stayed behind said he could barely hear him, until someone asked him about the opposition then he got a bit more worked up and spoke louder.



OK I hope everyone enjoys their weekend ahead..let's try to stay positive, ok?

 
Morning Mummies!



I think Kate Middleton's dress is real classy, fantastic choice [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



Am used to waking up early from work, so woke up early today to do work too. Preparing to go out later for lunch with in-laws and to my cousin's bday party at clarke quay tonight. Gonna bring Julien along so hope it won't rain! How exciting haa...baby going to brewhouse.



Has been a hectic week starting work and finding it challenging to express at work as it's hard to follow a schedule and there's only 1 nursing room and many mothers. Luckily one mummy was willing to share the room during her sessions. Hope I can persevere though I may reduce pumping to 1 session soon.



Enjoy the long weekend and the rallies (if you are planning to go) [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Klitz

jus saw ur post as i was out the whole of yday.. my heart really goes out to u. u r really a strong person for urself & bb.. jia you!!

i agree with the mummies here, shld keep evidences n buy more stuff for bb n spend/keep his $$.. hw can he cheat on u jus after marriage n when preg?? since nw ur fil is steppin in to help u, see wat he can do before u plan ur nxt move... n when u go into a heated arguement, dun carry bb n leave n go into an episode of bb snatching...

 
Klitz, I feel really sad after reading your posts. You have suffered a lot... Abuse, infidelity and withstanding all the nonsense your mil is doing is a terrible combination. Difficult can tolerate. You must stay strong for your baby and yourself. Remember your parents are always there for you, so are your friends and mummies here. Hope things work out well for you eventually. 

 
E square: i see.. Thanks for telling me.. As i randomly read.. Sorry for e mistake!! Hais.. Really feel so heartache for her.. She is all alone in e hse..



How can i join u all?? Can i ask e other 6 to join u all too?? I just started e group not long.. We also do not know each other yet!!

 
klitz: i can feel u .. be strong n always do what is the best for u n bb ..



mummies: enjoy the long weekend



teething

just wan to ask will bb having lao sai if he is teething? he has been poo for 4-5 times a day for 2 days already le .. not very sure is it correct or nt.. because usually he poo about 1-2 times only n the colour is a bit more greenish .. this time, become yellow watery type

 
Hi mummies! Need to ask you all something. My boy has cough. No phelgm. Just cough. Should see doctor? He coughing more frequently today so I'm worried. Should let him self heal or should see doctor? Is there cough medicine for 4-5month old babies??

 
O Gosh I tink I am prolly the most sotong mummy ever. I bought a water filled teether and I went to sterilise it thinking it can be and the whole teether melted sigh. Are water filled teethers not supposed to be sterilised? Then how do we clean it?



Toys r'us sale

Just came back from a toys r'us sale at kallang leisure park. Things are reallie cheap cos the packagings are pretty old but the toys are good. They even have a testing station to test Ot battery operated toys before u buy them. It's not very crowded but it's pretty hard to manouveur with stroller. I bought a vtech bear, a fisher price octopus, a bruin rattle, a bruin sound and music ball, 2 fisher price teethers and a hand puppet total cost is only$50. Sale is on till may 2nd. Pls avoid tomorrow evening time cos there is going to be a rally in case no parking space.

 
Wah crystal that's a real good bargain!!!! My friend went early and she said it was super crowded.



Teether> my colleague also did the same to her teether, probably a wash and dry will be ok..

 
Crystal, that's funny! ;) I washed the teething toys with bottles and vegetables solution once in a while. But each time before I pass it to gal, I clean it using 'anti-bacterial' or 'hand and mouth' wet wipes.



Debbie, last time my gal also had dry cough. I just consulted PD as we were there for vaccination. PD gave cough medicine saying feed only when she doesn't get well after a few days. He says try not to give too much medication to babies. Luckily, after I think 2/3 days, she stopped coughing and hence i did not feed her any medicine. But her cough not v serious. So if u feel better to see doc, go ahead. ;)

 
debbie

my gal gt cough 2 weeks ago bring her see GP cos hers gt phlegm



crystal

u r nt e onli one who sterlise e teether...my HB did tat too...haha...rinse e teether with warm water after use n dry with a clean cloth.

 
debbie, my boy was also coughing a bit this past week, I was hving a bit of a cough myself and thought that I passed it to him coz sometimes cough in his face accidentally (heehee). but it wasn't phlegmy and he still his normal cranky baby self so I let it be. Seems to be getting better..[IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Debbie, my girl also having dry cough now. but i dont think i will bring her to doc. mummies, to knw that she has phlegm tat need to see doc, is as when she coughs with the phlegm sound? cos once awhile i jus hear her phlegm in the throat as she make noise.



crystal, tats good deal! to wash the teether, i jus follow the instructions as wash in warm soapy (for bb bottles) water then rinse them.

 
Debbie

My gals cough started with a dry cough. I brought her to the PD cos she was coughing like 4-5 times every 15 minutes. The PD gave her mucosolvan, ask me to give her onlyvwhen she has phlegm. True enough a few days later, she started having very bad phelgmy cough. I gave her the medicine and it took her about 10 days before her cough went away.

I asked my doc about prospan and she said that's for 6 months and above.

 
Hi Mummies, only log in today after 1 week as the craziness at work has not ended..



Klitz, *hugs* sorry to hear about what you are going thru, staying with ILs is always difficult, I am always asking my hubby to move out but he is also comfortable staying with his mum, we also can't buy HDB flat since his name is already in this flat, so he always say he dun have money to buy condo...next time when bb grow up and need to have his own room, we would have a problem cos we means we are always stuck in the room, since MIL always in the living room. That will be a problem cos he is very bad tempered and we quarrel easily too.

Anyway, do not make a rash decision, think thru your options carefully but like what the rest have said, do collect the evidence along the way and save more money when you can, this will help if you really go the 'D' way and anyway court usually favours the woman in custody , we also have the women's charter to protect us...be strong and do update us..hope that your FIl can help... take care dear...



Regarding the teether, my maid went to sterilise too and it melted!

 
Mummies, thanks for the info on how to wash teethers haha I would not make the same mistake twice again haha ESP with the new ones I bought. Poor teether I mis-used u.



Ya I did tink the sale is quite worth it especially since they will keep bringing out new items. But I put all the toys to wash cos some of them has some marks on them but it all came off so that's pretty good. The teethers are quite worth it cos it's onli 2.80.

 
Klitz: i'm sorry i missed your posts, have not came in for some time. Be strong for bb's sake. If you need company to talk when you are at your mum's, sms me k as i don't come in often. We can meet up at Nex too.



Amelia: teething may cause more poos coz they drool alot, the saliva loosen their stools..

 
Re: cough

thanks mummies for all the info! Really useful. Dunno what to do if not for all your info on cough. I'm gonna monitor first. So far this morning got phelgm sound but it cleared within an hour so now just dry cough. If worsen tmr will bring to see doctor. Anyone know any PD that open on public holidays? No right? Mount A 24hr clinic considered ok right? Sigh. Don't like it when baby sick

 
Any Mommies with 5 months baby and not on semi solids yet, How much milk do they drink? Ethan since yesterday is drinking 230-240ml a feed. He drinks 4 feeds in a day. Is this excessive? Prior to yesterday his per feed is 180ml.

 
crystal: zaizai is taking 200ml each feeding, about 5-7 feedings a day depends if he pooed.. we'll start semi solid next week after turning 5 months, 3rd jab and getting pd's green light..

 
Thnx gals for offering ur help. He has asked for a divorce and asked me to move to my mum's plc. Luckily he let me have the bb on weekdays. So now I don't want to think abt marriage stuff anymore. Just concentrate on earning money and bringing up the bb happy and healthy.

Just regretted badly to have dated and married him and even continued staying in this marriage to bear him a child risking my life just to get this type of treatment from him.

 
Crystal, it is not much. Alexis was drinking 180mlx 5 feeds 2 weeks ago, now less cos she just recovered from her flu, so am increasing slowly back to 180ml x 5 feeds.



Btw OG having store while 20% discounts. We managed to get 1 playskool (by Hasbro) toy bundle at $79.90. It comes with pigeon training cup and feeding dish set.



http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5184/5674473148_e4487f863d.jpg



Inclusive of:-



http://www.hasbro.com/playskool/en_US/shop/details.cfm?guid=914499fa-6d40-1014-8bf0-9efbf894f9d4&product_id=12911&src=endeca



http://www.hasbro.com/shop/details.cfm?guid=9FC6C19C-5056-900B-1004-DB77B3E18003&product_id=27915&src=endeca



http://www.hasbro.com/shop/details.cfm?guid=285A8B74-19B9-F369-D940-51BA4A9EEC49&product_id=25777&src=endeca



http://www.hasbro.com/shop/details.cfm?guid=8EBE6EC8-6D40-1014-8BF0-9EFBF894F9D4&product_id=8598&src=endeca



Tiny love exersaucer at $199.00



Amelia, is it you who wanted to get the Tiny love pram toy? Now it is selling at $39.90.



Btw I went to Bugis OG.

 
Wow... Ur bb seems to drink A lot... Mine onli drink 150ml*5/6 feeds. But pd say she drinking a lot... Hmmm... Now it doesn't seem so wo...

 
Klitz, glad that decision has been made. At least, you no need to live in fear. Both of you deserve something better. Jia you[IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif][IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 


Klitz,



I feel sad that the marriage has to end in divorce yet happy as you get to start afresh without abusive husband & mil.



Do get a good family lawyer and request for higher alimony from your husband. Hope you can get more evidence showing his infidelity for a stronger case.



Let us know if there's anything that we can help with.



My baby's also drinking 150ml*5/6 feeds and I just started him on cereal yesterday on pd's recommendation as he's losing interest in milk. He takes a few mouths but gets impatient and always push the cereal out using his tongue (Seems to think he's sucking the bottle). Have to try again later.

 
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