(2009/08) August 2009 MTBs

Smurfy

it is the stress when trying to make them persist. How much force to use before it is too much for them is really a fine balance. Not easy being a parent.
 


smurfy, yes this generation is very different from our time. Yesterday my friend was telling me how PSLE scores are computed, making me more kan cheong!!
 
celine..

hahaha and i just wrote this in my blog.

"I want to write more but I forget...

... I missed writing, in my blog and my kids' blog. But the problem is I forget.

I forget to write coz I was busy surfing the net.

I forget to work coz I was busy surfing the net.

I forget the things to buy coz I don't have a to-do list.

There are so many things that I want to do but I forget.

Please forgive me if I forget to return your sms / email and etc. I wanted to but I was distracted and I forget everything else.

The best was there was a day in the moRning, a second after the lift door opened at me. I shouted to my boy "Wait, I forget your school bag!" The person in the lift burst out laffing. The maid, the child and I burst out laffing.
 
smurfy,
you have a blog? share with me
happy.gif
 
mashy
yah.. the stress of making them persist.. one hr of drilling.. i really doubt i can make it. wondering how to make him interested in things and keep on going.

geez.. looking at u and mich. i think he still have 1 yr of playtime? :D
 
Smurfy

erm. No leh. The stress starts now coz it's writing time in nursery. If ur boy can write then good, if not will be stressed making him write.
 
Jeni, the startots one that u r looking for pple to join to open a class, what r the hours u r looking at? I'm looking for playgroup for my girl, on weekdays when she's with my mum in hougang ave 10. Near Sengkang..
 
Good morning All,
have not writing here for a long long time.
reading back thread. I do not agree quote from RI teacher, after i chat with 2 friends whom their kids in RI and Nanyang Girls. both share same thing to me they did not send their kids to any external enrichment class. we as parents hv to give the time to them daily just 15mins arouse them love learning, wide varity of books, from things around us, bonding process activities, parents need to be a role model to the child. spending the money to external courses without spending time going thru with them is also waste of money.

pre sch, pri sch with good curriculum is impt also.

to me music is good way of building the right brain. since birth my 2nd boy been listening to the radio station 93.4, even he fall asleep i still on it. tis is also a form of learning.

juz my little sharing.. :D
 
CELINE

LNT changed name? I aws thought LNT is very study study type, coz it has 3 languages! Atas leh!

I'm not putting sam in CC yet. Coz i'm worried abt illness n i have maid n mil. So for the time being, i'll do a weekend parent-accompanied class, then next yr, playgroup. Then slowly move to nursery, kindy etc. Thinking of montessori coz i quite like their teaching methodology. Just dunno where is good?

MASHY

Oh that means right brilliance is in the same bldg as ykidz montessori. Next to pei chun right? I nvr knew that bldg n pei chun were there till i looked out of the car window one day. After so many yrs of parktor n marriage!
 
MONTESSORI

Mummies with older kids:

Anyone's child attended montessori cc or playgroup or kindy or weekend class? Interested in feedback on the 'product' of the methodology n of course, the prep for P1!
 
Hi ladies

I called up star tots and their centre for toddler gym n music nt open yet cos still waiting for the no to be full before start class. Than i asked if i can go down to their centre to see their set up they said set up not even done as they will be sharing their place with those cc (where old ppl gathers). I was like huh????

I said if no set up how u set up class and the lady was saying mayb instructor jst teach them some exercise.. I was like huh??!!! I been to gymboree and if its a gym must have some facilities. She said she not sure also.

Aiyo how can like that answer wor?

Hmmm
 
Oh just a question need to ask everyone

Do you all contribute any of your salary to household matter or all paid by hubby?

Cos im giving my mum monthly 700 and than 500 to household. I find after that i mayb quite broke cos later not much $$ to spend after deducting other stuffs. Hehe...

My guy friends tel me their wife $$ is theirs and they pay for everything in the house including kids stuff.

If like that i think i stupid right? Hha
 
Sbb, my hb and I do not make that differentiation. All our salary goes into our joint accounts so we just spend from there what is required.

April, agree with you. Our investment of time into their lives matter.
 
Mich... Wa all salary goes into there ah? Than how to spend whatever u wan?

I only put 500 into our joint acct than my hubby put 1k
 
Sbb

my hb and I also use joint acc. Then whatever needed just take from there. If we wanna get our own stuff also just take from there. Out of respect, we will tell each other before we spend on big ticket items.
 
Jul
there's a cc downstairs. Not sure if that's the one u mention. My hyperactive and reckless nephew attends montesorri class. He is able to increase his concentration on a task. But he is still as hyper and reckless as ever. Think also due to parenting coz the parents believe that he 'chi ruan bu chi ying' so have been talking 'nicely to him'. I don't see it working at all coz all I see is an ill disciplined kid who needs a lot of disciplining. He is lucky he's not my kid else he will be getting a lot of punishment and time out from me.
 
Sbb, I still buy whatever I want. Only if I want to buy something expensive like a hand bag or facial package then I will consult hb to make sure he is ok. Otherwise he doesn't look at what I spend on.

What is the 1.5k in your joint account spent on? Househiold items, kid's items?
 
sbb,

Before i became sahm, i never contribute any $$ to the household leh, all paid for by hubby. But of cos if i'm buying grocery or things for the house, i'll pay it myself unless it's big ticket item. I dun go & specially ask him for the money, or ask him to 'reimburse' me like now since i've no income .. hahaa. Now every cent oso must claim from him.
 
Mashy, if your nephew were your kid, he won't be so spoiled in the first place... I also dun agree with the chi ruan bu chi ying. Infact, I always go the "ying" way more and I feel that it works.
 
Mich

I feel that when they are young, u shouldn't be reasoning with them coz there's no reason in their mind. It should simply be becoz I said so. No need to lie abt not having money and thus cannot get the slot toys. It's just a simple no. The reasoning should start only when they are capable to reason and understand that not everything will go according to their way. I believe in being stricter when they are young and relax when they are older. Not the other way round. My nephew is still at the stage where everything he see is his. Even a ride on car at his grandparents' place, which was a toy I bought for C when he was younger and I left it there for him to play. The boy will hold on to many toys in his hand and even when he is not playing with the car, refused to let anyone else touch it. Today, he tried to haul my gal off the car. Yes, haul.
 
Oh and I see a clever boy manipulating his grandparents to do his bidding. He went to the supermarket with his grandparents, took a chocolate and tell his grandparents that he buy for them. Of course at the cashier he doesn't have any money. So he told yeye to pay for it. He really knows how to grab pp's heart and get them to do his bidding and at the end of it, the grandparents can still say 'oh he's so clever!'. I can only stupid parents and grandparents outwitted by a young boy. He always use this tactic and say I share with u when he wanted to eat sweets or biscuits. Then he will keep some for himself. To him, if he share, it's ok if he gets some too. Then he will bargain with his parents until he can get what he want even if it's half of it. Stupid parents.
 
morning ladies..

so sian my boi sick again...

SBB,
wat is the purpose of the joint a/c??? for me i will contribute watever "extras" to my joint a/c monthly la... meanin after deducting my necessary spending and i do keep an amt for shoppin mthly also so i wun over spent.. thes rest will go into my joint a/c.. which we use for vacation, children etc...
 
Good morning ladies...

Me and my hubby dun have joint account at all... We are not so particular on his money or my money... I have save aside money for my own use before quiting my job and so will still have money for myself if i need to buy stuff but sometimes hubby will pay too... hehehe


Mashy:
If children have no reason in their mind, and is only acting on things their parents insist... aint them becoming your puppets? Kids have their own rationale and reasons... might not be applicable to us but we should hear them out and advise them isnt it? Just wondering... How can a kid be clever but yet have no reason of their own? hmmm
 
i have a joint acct with my husband and we both contribute the same amt to it each month and regular household bills will be paid from there. Other stuff we pay..
 
liz
the maids things will not work lar. most is to boycott those 17 major agencies lor.where got supplies dry up? malaysia not getting indo maids oredi what. anyway the trend i see now is parents choosing early cc for their kids instead of relying on maids.

then again, whether to adjust ur maid's salary in accordance to her performance is up to individual bah?
 
sbb
no joint acct. i pay for school fees n maid's levy coz under my name. everything else hb pays.. he pays off my credit card bills and i pay for MY nets n cash purchases...and i try to use cc transaction to chunk up points. i got to make him pay lor coz he cannot save money. i help save for the family, making me more stressed out.

btw how much do u girls save for ur family per month? i am like putting 10% of our gross income? issit little? shld i increase my limit???
 
Lizz

do your kid understand that they shouldn't run into the road? As much as u can try to explain to them that u can get hit by a car, at a young age they don't understand. U can try letting your kid stand at the roadside without holding her hand and just tell her it's dangerous to cross the road. See if she will listen to u and stand there by your side. No, at this age, u can try explaining but it will not get through. Just like they won't understand that it can hurt badly if u hit your brother with a hammer.

I'm not bringing up my kids to be puppets. I'm teaching them that I am the parent and they are children. I will be their friend later but now I need to let them feel safe and confident with me. I don't believe in letting the kids rule me. That's not the way. As they grow older and show that they can understand and obey rules, then I will release some freedom bit by bit. If u let them hve all the freedom to do whatever they want, u won't be able to guide and teach them in their teenage years. I'm preparing for that. There are many basics that need to be ingrained in them when young. By the time they reach teenage years, it's too late coz by then they will listen more to their friends than u. I believe in being the parent when they are young, being their friend when they are older. And being a parent means disciplining, teaching even if it means u will have to be the bad guy.
 
smurfy, we are savings about 10% too... but will add on when we have extras...
happy.gif


Mashy: my #1 knows that its dangerous to walk across the road without looking out for cars or without an adult. At times, while carrying #2 and i dont have an available hand for her while crossing the road, she will hold on to my shirt or pants. It is not like they cannot understand but you prob need to tell them again and again to get it in their head... it shows them that you are emphasizing the importance of that...

I just feel sometimes, when they dont obey "rules" all the time, it might be a cry out for help in their own ways... If they are not comfortable to seek comfort with us, who can they turn to? Rei confides me in her daily stuff in school everyday and thats where i get to advise and talk to her about the rights and wrongs... it is not the stage for them to get punished for every wrong step but to recognized that it is wrong and they should not do it again. If i were to punish her for every wrong thing she did, she will be terrified of telling me and prob end up telling lies to hide it or etc... and personally, this is not what i want.

I have been in a family where my parents demand me to "be obedient or eat the cane" and i can tell u i understand how it feels. If I have to lie to avoid it, i would.

At the end of the day, i always tell my kids, it is ok to be wrong and even be punished for it. There is nothing shameful about being wrong or doing the wrong things, but it is shameful to tell a lie to cover a wrong-doing. If you did something wrong, just try to make amends and move-on. I am sure people around you will understand and I will be proud of her...

Just my thoughts.
 
Morning ladies.

SBB,
i'm also wondering how we should plan our finances, last time, when we have 1 kid, hubby and I would put $500 each into our joint account. When my 2nd kid was born, we put $1000 each. Now, with enrichment classes for kids, medical bills, we put $1500 each. Even though my hubby earns much more ... He said since i'm working, have to put in same amount ... our joint account is for the house and kids, i use my own money for shopping and my parents, some months, i have no personal savings ... hiaz ...


mashy,
i still do not know how to bring up my son. i think i mentioned before he beat me when i scolded him ? i keep reading and reading, like the book on Bringing Up Boys, What to Expect the Toddler years. When scoldings/talking doesn't seem to work, i resorted to bringing out the cane. For example, i needed to bring out the cane to make him keep his toys, to prevent him from throwing his toys all over the floor, or out into the corridor, to keep the things he took out from the kitchen cabinets, from walking on the sofa, from playing with my laundry, and sometimes, even to make him nap in the afternoons ... and now, he associates Mummy == scoldings , he doesn't even want to come home with me when Daddy is gone for reservist, he rather stays with his Grandparents, who dotes on him ...

what do i have in the end ? a son who doesn't like his mummy ?? does discipline means reasoning or caning ??

sorry for the long post ... i think i'm a lousy mummy, i'm just glad my gal still wants to sleep with me ...
 
Lizz

and how do u reason with your kid who doesn't want to eat med? Tell them it's good for them and they will be well after that and they slurp it up? No, as if they will listen to u. They can tell u it doesn't taste nice or just refuse to open their mouths. Eventually u will still have to force them if all else fails. So u see, there is no reasoning. U can try to persuade them that they will stop vomitting, coughing and feeling sick. To them, meds is yucky. Full stop. So will u be their listening kind parent who stop giving the meds or be the stern parent and insist they finish it up even if u
have to shove it down their throat?
 
parenting
different kids different strokes. no one child works on the same method. all parents wanna the best for their children. all steps taken is what we feel best for them k? if your method dun works, change method.
 
Joeyy: My #1 used be like that too. She would cry on the floor regardless of where we are. I still remember she cried on the floor at TPY hub during peak hours. i was so fed up about it cos i realised i cant do anything. It was my first kid and i am so lost. After that, i spend as much time as possible to communicate to her. I really dedicated all my time to her and things changed. It might not work for all kids but it did work for mine. As what some people tell me, she is probably the best "report card" i ever get...

Mashy:
Seriously, i do get you sometimes. Rei was the type that you would need 4 person to grab her just to use the nebulizer. One to hold her body, one for her legs, one for her arms and one to hold the nebulizer. i have to grab her and force her all the times to eat her med. But i realised that you really can convince them to do things then to force them. we just need to understand why they are so against it. I realised she is just scared of the nebulizer cos of the sounds... so we play music or on TV for her while she uses it, and she can take it herself...

She doesnt like meds cos she doesnt like us to force her and dump it down her throat and choking her. After much persuasion, she can hold the stringe and eat it herself and still get pretty much amused by it. After that, she actually like medicine... and would pretend to cough and etc to ask for it.

Sometimes its the "image" behind those stuff they detest that places a mental block.

Lets say, if you ask someone i detest to bring me to the nicest restaurant for food, it might not taste as nice as it would if i am there bcos i choose to go.

Anyway, i jsut wanna share cos i understand the frustrations before...
happy.gif
 
Joeey

caning needs to be balanced with love. Even with caning during noti times, u should also display your loving mummy at all other times. Play with him. Bring him out. Do activities with him.

Lizz
yes, perhaps it's coz u have gals and u have it easy. Boys won't care that it's the road. They wanna see the red car on the other side. Now that my son is older, he will listen and I will explain to him.

I also place a lot of emphasis on truth. If he tells me the truth, he will still be punished but not as bad as if he lies. I don't see telling the truth as a way of getting away from punishment. But once punished, it's over and we move on.

When my boy was younger, he learnt that he needs to say sorry if he hurt someone. So what he did after that was, he hit the person and immediately said sorry. Now, is that right? He learnt that hitting is acceptable so long as u say sorry after that. Of course he got corrected by me. Children are very smart. They can easily twist your rules and manipulate u until u can't say they are wrong but yet they are wrong. So after saying sorry, they should still be punished else they think it's acceptable. I don't want my boy to start doing bad things, telling me the truth and thinks he can get away with it.
 
smurfy, the benchmark is to have about 6 months worth of salary in the bank for living expenses I think. Then about 10% sounds reasonable... of course if you can do more that is merrier.

joeey, i think its normal for kids to stick to those he thinks will be lenient with him. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Kids know that their parents are the most important. And this pre-school years are very difficult times. I'm sure you'll see the fruits of your hard work in the years ahead...
 
I think i'm the lucky one cos i didn't contribute to household hahaha except $200 for joint acct (emergency fund) but i alr prepare to contribute when we have #2 la kekeke...the reason being cos last time i earn vy little cum part-time study so when we got married i din contribute till now!
 
my 10% is very miserable leh. if #2 starts school, i got like onli 2% if i maintain my current. haiz.. cannot happily happily spree oredi, must squeeze more from Hb's salary then kekekee
 
jul,
actually LNT, My Little Genius, Right Brilliance are all spin off from Shichida as some teachers left Shichida and started their own school of thots.

The one that my boy is attending is initialy LNT then got the founder ran off because of debts so the franciser (my boy attending) changed the name and revamp the program abit. SO now no longer 3 language only 2 mandarin & English which I like alot.

*bong your head* no atas lah!
 
april/mich,
agreed totally as parent we have to spend our own time to educate our children too cannot just spend $$ for external enrichment class and expect them to be good.

I personally will coach my boys after work almost every day and I can see their progress.
happy.gif
 


re: savings
hb & i hv a joint acc.. but it's oni there with a min bal of $500 niah...(oh i tink nw less than $500..cos ya..haha). so..obviously, we dun contribute anything at all to the joint acc..not even 1%.

most of the hsehold stuffs..utilities, subsistences...hb will pay. hwever, smtimes if we spent more items in the mth or wat.. i will contribute too.

girls' insurance is paid by hb.. but i tink we hv the rider part which is frm my a/c. smtimes on n off..i will buy stuffs for the hsehld too..then that will be under my expenses. (like whn im at suntec, i cant resist to go carrefour...i'll pay for the purchases.) norm we do marketing frm NTUC, dat will be under hb's card. smtimes when we go out makan, i will pay too.

both of us dun even hv our own savings.. wat we earn..will be used to pay for expenses every month!!!!

maid's salary n levy is by me.. everything else for myself is by myself. embarrassed to say.. i can oni afford $300 to my mum.. for cmg daily to my plc to help me look after my 2 girls! so im using my cpf to buy an insurance for her..n rider part frm a/c.

sigh.. work so many years... also duno y everymonth no money.. n NEVER ever able to build a savings!
 
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