Hi Mommies,
how's everyone getting along? Here's wishing Merry Xmas to all in advance as I am not sure if I will log in the next few days.
Haven't log in for a while. Scanned thru some of the posts and saw some of you complaining about MILs, some posts on food puree and swimming at Hwa Xia.
Hwa Xia - My boy has been swimming there since 2.5mths. I don't bring him there regularly.. 1-2times a month. He enjoys it and I prefer that way cos I don't have to worry about his growing needs of having different sizes of float and the preparation of a tub, water, cleaning up after that. I think cost is really dependent on how freq u go there. The last trip there - my boy swam with two elder babies who were there the first time. One is 6mths old and the other 11 mths. Both wailed till no end and didn't really spend much time in the tub at all. Person in charge said that it's likely so when babies reach 6mths of age.
On MILs, I have my fair share of probs that I kinda stopped sharing about them for a long time. In fact, I have bad post natal blues for a while becos of her and glad to have move on and learnt to treat everything she said as rubbish, until something happened recently. It's so bad that I have been sobbing for 3days now and I can't bring myself to forgive her. It's a long story cut short below:
- my SIL (living in states) found that she was 6weeks preggie 3 weeks ago. Saw gynae, can't find heartbeat. This is her 2nd pregnancy and the first one was not normal and she went thru abortion. No one in the family knew about this except me and her hb.
- Went back one week later to check for heartbeat again. Still no heartbeat. Devastated becos it happened again. Chose to wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally instead of abortion becos the first one left her so guilty. She always wondered if she had ended it pre-maturely if the diagnosis was wrong.
- Waited 2.5 weeks for the miscarriage to happen while praying every moment for a miracle. Miscarriage started on last Fri nite. Cramps and bleeding becames severe on Sat. Lost the baby to the toilet bowl as she felt the sac passed out. Pain stopped but her heart was totally shattered.
- As the pain subsided, she felt so lost emotionally. Despite her hb by her side every sec, she needed more comfort and support. She made the greatest mistake - calling her Mom.
- She had only said that she had a miscarriage and before she cld tell the details, MIL nagged, blamed, scolded her for not being careful and held her responsible for losing the life of a non-existent grandchild. Then asked her when is she going to try for a child again.
- Unable to hear the nonsense further, ended the conversation prematurely. MIL called me to inform me and insisted that I called SIL to nag at her for not gg to the hospital immediately to have her womb "cleaned". (Gynae's instruction was to monitor the bleeding and go for followup check up.) Wanted me to tell SIL off for not taking care of herself and blamed SIL 80% of the time in the phone call.
- Called to check on SIL to understand the details and how she is emotionally. Told her to ignore MIL and rest. She was terribly hurt. The person whom she looked for for support just slapped her and pulled her down deeper into depression.
- MIL called me the next morning again and I re-assured her that SIL is well. Told her there is no need to fly to US and she can take care of herself. HB and Gynae are with her and there are no complications. She instructed me to call SIL and asked her to answer MIL's phone calls becos my SIL had not been answering. Told her to leave SIL alone becos she and HB are feeling super lousy and really need time out. There was a moment of silence when I said this. Felt as though she just realized they are humans.
- Went on to keep calling SIL and force my FIL to call my SIL as well. Number of calls made to the states between 2 hrs - 20.
- SIL got my text to ask her to continue to ignore the calls if she really needed the space to recuperate. She got so frustrated. She returned the call but can't get MIL. Called FIL and unloaded on FIL that she is really hurt. Not just by MIL's insensitivity but also her lack of faith in her that she is no longer a little helpless girl.
- FIL told MIL. MIL started to dwell in her own world again. She denied that she had been insensitive and that she really cared for SIL. Blamed SIL for not telling the full story. N still blamed SIL for the miscarriage. Called SIL an ungrateful child. Said she will never call SIL again. Playing the role of the victim again when the one in most pain doesn't get a word of comfort from her.
- I told MIL not to be silly and stopped being unreasonable. If she continues the way she is now, she is losing her son and daughter altogether. She started to change topic and said that SIL got preggie - ALL credit goes to my little one. The way she put it is as though SIL and I are having a competition!
- MIL nv really care for me. During preggie, if concern is shown, it's always in her mouth - for baby.. but not for me. Not a word of how I am since I delivered, never ask how I am managing alone with baby and work etc. All she cares - can play with my boy, make him laff n play, make him miss his nap time for her, flashes her camera non-stop with the bright flashes at my boy's eyes. She had been showing off my boy's pics to her sisters in Taiwan - saying how cute, smart blah blah my boy is. It's her competition with her sisters on who has the cutest grandchild, smartest one and more grandchildren n hence giving the pressure on SIL to have kids.
- Nearly screamed at her when she said that n told her it's nonsense and SIL and I had both wanted kids all along but it's knowing the huge burden of managing her nonsense that had been putting all of us off. She went silent.
Have not spoken to MIL since Monday then. SIL's hb (an angmo) is fuming mad and wishes to be able to speak chinese now to scold MIL. I, myself, also feel like doing that all the time, even now. Both of us felt that it's so ridiculous that we are all suffering her craziness and nonsense for so many years, not only that she doesn't learn but it's always about her being the victim. She is also getting worse each time. This time, I think she behaved far too inhumanely to her own child.
The details of what happened to my SIL kept on repeating in my mind becos I went thru different nonsense from MIL (during pregnancy and after) and had been depressed and pained. I cried for her each time I think about it and wish I could be there for her. I think the pain she had gone thru is way beyond what I can imagine and I haven't been able to find an avenue to forgive MIL for what she had done to SIL who is still crying her heart out. Already she is feeling so guilty for losing her baby and can't stop blaming herself and is thrown in deeper end now becos of her own mother.
Hb n I agreed to deprived MIL from seeing our baby at the next fortnightly visit. She doesnt' deserve any grandchildren and family love. Deep down in my heart and my SIL's hb's heart, we wish we could cut off the ties once and for all to stop the pain we are all going thru becos of one crazy woman.
Wld u have done so? I am quite torn becos it's also bringing my hb and SIL pain by tearing their family apart.
lucky u have bb of both sex! did the new slping method works?