<font color="0000ff">Something to lighten the day ^_^
To all Employees:
>
> Effective January 2008
>
> Dress Code
>
> 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to
> your salary.
> If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag,
> we assume you
> are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay
> raise.
>
> 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
> money better, so
> that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
> need a pay raise.
>
>
> 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to
> be and
> therefore you do not need a pay raise.
>
>
> Sick Days
>
> We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
> proof of sickness.
> If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come
> to! work.
>
>
> Holiday Days
>
> Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They
> are called
> Saturday & Sunday.
>
>
> Compassionate Leave
>
> This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you
> can do for dead
> friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be
> made to have
> non-employees attend to the arrangements.
>
> In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the
> funeral should
> be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
> allow you to work
> through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour
> early.
>
>
> Toilet Use
>
> 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
> There is now a
> strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
>
> 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the
> toilet paper roll
> will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture
> will be taken.
>
> 3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted
> on the company
> notice board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
> category.
>
> 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned
> under the
> company's mental health policy.
>
>
> Lunch Break
>
> 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to
> eat more so
> that they can look healthy.
>
> 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
> balanced meal to
> maintain their average figure.
>
> 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because
> that's all the time
> needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
>
>
> Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are
> an employer of
> choice and we are here to provide a positive employment
> experience.
> Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
> frustrations,
> irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
> accusations,
> contemplations, consternation and input should be directed
> elsewhere.
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